The Mark Houston Recovery Center in Austin, TX

And I know you're going to love what you have to share tonight.

Norm is very nice

actually. She met just as much to me in my recovery. We've had a wonderful journey together. So I've met a lot of people that primary purpose. I would not

I

how many people are here tonight from primary purpose group say hi. Oh wow,

that's really cool. For those of you who have not come to visit us on Tuesday night, 730 in South Boston there. We're right across the street from Kirby Lane Restaurant there on South Lamar.

We made on Tuesday night at 7:30 if the big Methodist Church and we were opening the big book and we're really trying to bring recovery back to focus on the big Book. What does it say? It says to show Alcoholics precisely.

So we want to get right down to that. And so anyway, it says, it says to show you exactly how to find that power. So, you know, we can be precise and we can be exact

in our recovery and the big book will show you just exactly to have the experience that I'm going to be talking about tonight. So I think I did.

It was on. How do I see a light or something?

Cool. OK well I'm fine,

I'm blind David, I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict and my sobriety date is July 9th of 98. So just just back the road a little ways. I got 10 years here.

I was born in 1948, so this year I'm also turning 60. And

so, but I was born with very little eyesight. I was legally blind. I managed to go to public school the 1st and 2nd grade. I can see the book if I put my face right down there to it. But by the end of the second grade, I couldn't see the book anymore. You know, one thing I remember particularly when I was going to public school, you know, they had their parents knife, you know, in the open house, I guess you call it normal. And the parents come to school, you know, and I remember going to school with my mom and dad and visiting my teachers and they said, so how is he doing? And

I remember the teacher saying, well, you know, he really has leadership qualities. My dad was so proud of that, you know, and I can remember on the playground getting into trouble with a couple of boys and they, I was a little kid. I had a growth spurt when I was about 6th or 7th grade. I used to be little bitty. And I remember getting in some trouble with a couple of boys out on the playground in the second grade and were being sent to the principal, you know, and they're, they're way taller than they. And all the way to the principal, I said, y'all keep your mouth shut. I'd be the talking.

That's that's the way I've always been and still somewhat am. I guess I'm not going to put my life in someone elses hand. Very easy, I can tell you.

So you know, but by the end of the second grade, I couldn't see the, the books anymore. So in the 3rd grade they got the enlarged print book. By the end of the third grade, I couldn't see it. So I was born in Houston, by the way. So my folks sent me up here to Austin, to the blind school in 58. And I started going to the blind school there. And I, the blind school was a, you know, it's where you live on campus, a dormitory and all that. And, and so they had very rigid rules

and I didn't do very well in that kind of a setting. I'm glad I never had to go to the military. I know what would have happened, but and I didn't do there, particularly when I hit puberty, it got really rough. And I found out what the teacher met my I had that I was a good leader. What she meant was I was a bad follower

and I'll make it to the 9th grade. And they finally threw me out and and then my folks talking into letting me come back and I went back and I made it about two more months and they threw me out and said don't send him back.

Went back to Houston and started high school. Now my mother always raised me to go to church, made me go to church. I hated it. So when I got sent back home and started to go to high school, this was in 66, I figured I'm old enough now mom can't make me go to church. You know, she come in that Sunday morning said well I got your clothes off pressed and laid out you're ready for school. And I said I'm not ready for church. I said, I'm not going.

She said what? I said I'm not going. I'm old enough to decide for myself and I'm not going. And she started to cry, you know, And then Danny combusted in the room and said, what is this? And I said, I'm not going to church. I'm old enough to make my own decisions. And I guess he decided I meant it because he backed out of the room. And so I started high school in 66, proclaimed myself an atheist and became very defiant against that authority as well,

and was very outspoken about how I felt about all that. And there were many scenes in the bathroom at high school, you know, how the guys sneak in to go smoke a cigarette, and we'd be standing around in there. And I was going to a school that had a pretty good little

Baptist part of town, a strong Christian presence there. And in Baptist boys had corner me in the bathroom all the time and try to get me talking about God. And I'd make them wish they'd never brought it up.

And they would usually start backing away from me, you know, saying you're going to go to hell, You're going to hell. And I remember saying, you know, to hell with you and your God.

So I, I was, I did not like any of that. In high school, I met a girl and started dating her and her whole family was drunks. And so they didn't mind us drinking with them. So I usually on the weekends, I just go over to their house and stay drink every weekend, drank all weekend. And so I was, you know, I was getting a late start because I've been going to that boarding school and we were all, you know, walled in. And

in high school, it was before I really had a chance to start drinking when I went back to Houston. But it was every weekend then

and I graduated in 68. Y'all know, back in the 60s we were starting experiment a little bit with drugs and all the way out here Teacher charms coming to town in November. I, I think I'm going to go check it out,

have a few laughs, you know, But yeah, so we were starting to experiment with drugs a little bit. And

I graduated in 68. Right after that, about early 69, someone turned me on to methamphetamine. And it was really on then. It was a memorable year. You know, they said speed kills. They warned us speed kills. But when I felt my first rush, I thought, who cares? This is the way to die.

Another thing I remember about 1969, I went to a rock concert there in Houston on a Halloween night. 1969, the grandfather Railroad. Any Old River Grandfather

big night and there was a little local group going to open up, make their debut that night. We was all waiting to see what this band is going to sound like. It was their first, you know, first real big concert there in Houston. And it was a weird name. It's like ZZ Top

and then sees a top. They actually didn't sound that good that night. I saw him a few months later, they opened for Steppenwolf and they had really jailed and they believed Steppenwolf off the stage and have been blowing everybody off the stage ever since. So anyway, I remember that concert that night because as I was standing out in front of the concert hall waiting to get in, a bunch of these little Jesus freaks passing out tracks started trying to talk to me about the Lord, you know, and, and I went into them so hard to see. I had armed myself well with my arguments,

read the books about it and all this. And the big book says we do that. We read wordy books and arm ourselves with Wendy arguments. And I was one of them. And you try to talk to me about God and it was on. And I attacked them so that I drew a crowd that night out on the sidewalk in front of that concert hall who were cheering for me.

So that was, I remember that about 1969, but it was methamphetamine, man 69707172 in 73. It was really getting bad

and I had pulled myself together the best I could and made several attempts to quit. And I remember the day when I stepped down and had a little talk with myself and accepted the fact that I guess I'm going to die a speed friend because

it was looking bleak.

And then a nuclear star moved in next door to me, who is a Christian fellow,

and he came over. One day I was out in the yard and I was probably pretty wasted. Did he come over and tried to talk to me about God? And I lit into him like I did everybody else. But he was different because I bounced off of him too.

This man had something. He had the presence of God about him. He didn't flinch, he didn't get hostile, he didn't get nothing. He didn't react. He just,

he just countered all my arguments.

It took him a couple of months living next door to me that he was able to help me come to believe.

He knew his book

and he shared it with me and shared his faith with me. Over a couple of months, I came to believe in his God

and he told me that he thought God could help me.

And I remember the day that I kneeled down and gave my life to God. I'll never forget that day. I got up from that prayer a different person. I threw away all my drugs and all my paraphernalia. I felt freed from my addiction. I really felt free from my addiction. I knew I was. But what does the big Book say without that third step? See, I had a very powerful third step experience with the Big Book says it that what does it say immediately following the third step that we must

do a searching, fearless moral inventory of ourselves. That third step decision would have little permanent effect unless it once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves that have been blocking us. Well, I didn't do all that inventory stuff. See what I did though? Because see, the church people don't have to teach you how to do that. What I did do, this is what they taught me how to do. I went off to church with this dude and shouted Hallelujah louder than anybody. They put me in charge of the music in that church. I live worship service on Sunday morning and it was Hallelujah. The time was on. I want you to know

going good for a while. And you know, after a while I became a Deacon in that church. And after a few more years, you know, I started doing a little preaching on the side and then I got my license. I went off East Texas and started a little church, tried my hand at being a pastor

and I learned how to do church well. I want you to know, but

the big Book says that if we don't do that inventory work and admit to God and ourselves and another human being and make an honest effort to make some amends, that if I don't do that work, I do not learn enough humility, fearlessness and honesty in the sense we find it necessary talking about we Alcoholics and addicts. And I haven't done that work.

All I had learned how to do is play, you know, do church.

And so sure enough, the day came

when I had this thought that said, you know, I had a problem with drugs. I don't yes, Sir, drink would hurt anything. So beginning with the idea of just having a drink or two, I started developing a real problem with alcohol.

And again, the Big Book says more than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life.

So I started finding myself behind a pulpit preaching with a hangover.

And for 20 or 25 years, teaching and preaching the Bible with a hangover became a recurring theme in my life.

Each time I hit a new bottom, I change churches, change brands of religion, change something. We don't have our theology quite right here. You know, I don't quite have all the corners nailed down. I couldn't figure it out. And, and I would, you know, I would change to another church, get all excited about that. And for a while, I'd say this new religion, it's going to fix me. And for a while, I think I was fixed. I seem to be fixed. During one of those periods when I thought I was fixed, I moved to Austin because he always had to move to another location and start over. You know how it is.

And as I moved to Austin during one of those times when I was trying to get fixed and I had a friend up here, we started a little music ministry. We're doing gospel music in Blues for him. And it really did sound good. We were playing on the streets and then little coffee houses. And one night we was in this little coffee house off 6th St. down there doing our gospel Blues and, and this girl heard us singing about God. She came up and introduced herself to us and we got off the stage and

she had a little thing going with God.

So I was teaching a home Bible study, had started a little home church here in Austin. I was new in town, so I was getting that started. I invited her to come to that. So she showed up one Sunday. I found out she was in A A

now. I was surprised when I learned today A was a spiritual program and I was real intrigued with its simplicity

because I've been going in circles and confusion trying to figure out why I can't nail all the corners down, you know? And it was so it was the simplicity intrigue me. And so me and her became friends. I started going to a meetings with her on Saturday. On Sunday she came to my little home church Bible study thing and we began a relationship for a couple of years and then we got married,

still married. And yeah, I got to know a lot of her a a friends, and some of them were from time to time come to my little Bible study. And, and you know, for a while all went well, until that recurring day that I thought it would be OK to have a drink again

and started that little snowball rolling down the mountain again.

Before long I'm living at a double life again,

trying hard to keep it hid from her and all her alcoholic friends. And, and you know, I was doing a good job of keeping the worst of it secret. Then to me, that meant I was controlling it.

One day I'm sitting at it. It's very frustrating to do that and y'all know. And then it was frustrating that haircut of me and one joint. Saturday I was sitting at a noon meeting with my wife like I would typically do on Saturday, but I was frustrated to the Max. I was wishing she'd go off on one of her a retreats for the weekend I was getting. I just couldn't sneak enough to satisfy me. And I'm mad at everybody. I'm just really sitting there about to explode. And this guy who happens to be my sponsor today,

quoted from the Big book. He said, you know, most of us have been unwilling to admit that we were real Alcoholics. No person likes to think his bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking career submit characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. He said, you know, here's the earmark of an alcoholic. He said if you are controlling your drinking,

you're not happy about it.

And he nailed me to the wall that day.

I didn't think I was an alcoholic as I was controlling it. I thought,

but I sure was mad at everybody that day. And he said if you are controlling your drinking, you're not happy about it. And then I felt like this dude just shot an arrow across the room and got me right in the chest. And it was like he was talking at me and he nailed me to the wall that day. And I knew I was going to have to join this fellowship and work these steps if I was ever going to stay

sober and be happy about it.

But that posed a little problem. See, I've been around a, a enough to hear y'all talking about this rigorous honesty. Rigorous honesty and this fearless humility. And that's scary when you've been kind of a little preacher with living a double life.

I talked to an old man around her a group and he was able to help me find the courage to walk into that meeting and announced all my wifes friends who had known me all these years.

My name is Dave and I'm an alcoholic.

It hurt me have to do that. The religious pride, it hurt bad.

You know, I like it. At one time I was a kid, I had a boil and the little red streak was going up my arm. You know, it's getting serious. And so one day the doctor decided he'd better Lance that. He didn't tell me that's what he was going to do. He was just holding my arm and I'm sitting there La La la, you know, and he sprays it with some kind of cold something, I guess it's supposed to numb it, but it didn't do much. And he took that scaffold and went cut that eggs and I like to went through the ceiling.

But I want you to know that thing has been throbbing for days. And that night it wasn't throbbing, it was draining And the healing had started. I could tell. And that's the way I felt that day when I went in said on that David, I'm an alcoholic. It was like

hurt

but I felt the healing start right then

and I'm sure some of y'all know what I'm talking about. That was step one for me. You know I came to step two. Came to believe that the power of greater than ourselves could restores to sanity. Well I had a problem with Step 2. What do you mean came to believe? I came to believe 25 years ago and has not been able to stay sober.

Why should I expect it to be any different? May a I'm not going to change my God, I'm not going to change my faith. I still got my same Lord and savior, you know and all that stuff. I wasn't going to change any of that. How could I expect they ate make anything different? And what about this word sanity? Are they saying I'm insane?

But as I read through the big book, see, I found out they were talking about the insanity that precedes the first dream. I'm related to that,

you know, I never heard before until I came to hey, somebody say, you know, first drink get you drunk.

I used to leave at the Bible says be not drunk with wine and be he filled with the Holy Ghost. And I used to preach that, you know, you can tell I can still do it.

And then I was

churches say, well I'm not going to get drunk, I'm just going to have a drink.

Y'all were the ones that told me it was the first drink that got me drunk.

I related to that. And as I read through the big book, I learned a whole lot more about alcoholism and about me the alcoholic. And when I hear you people talk about it in meetings and put that book all in perspective for me. Thank God for a big book Bumpers

trying to join us Tuesday night 7:30

You know, y'all put that big book in perspective for me and and I

it started coming clear. You know what I can't This was Step 2 for me. I came to believe that the same God that I've had for 25 years who had not been able to keep me sober over there, that other fellowship that somehow in a a using this new medium, that my same old God was going to have talked to me in the language of the pic book and he was going to use the voice.

Of other Alcoholics and I was going to hear my same old God in a brand new way, like I've never heard him before.

And I came to believe that he might, could restore me to sanity here.

And that was Step 2 for me. And I made the decision to turn my willing life over to the care of God and put myself in his hands in A and so as I'm reading through that step three, it says when we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed

if

we kept close to him and performed his work. Well,

there's a price tag in there. Yeah, Let me tell you where I was today. I read that because, you see, I had I've gone to school. I've got my license to be a massage therapist, and I haven't been in business very long. When I started developing tendonitis, it was hurting me so bad, it was threatening to put me out of business. And, oh, man, I was getting real scared behind all this. And, and, and I I was praying about it. You know, one day someone showed up at my house and started telling me about this little home business you could do. It looked like something I could do

because, you know, blind people have to kind of go get special training and everything and to start a new career when you're already up in your 40s, just kind of scary. And I'm thinking, what am I going to do? And then they showed me this little home business. I thought I could do that. So I invested a few bucks and, and I went off to their meetings and listened to their speakers and I'm bringing home tapes and books and learning about the company and their products. And after a while, I think I'm ready to do this. And I took off to go with my new business, but I didn't get very far

before someone showed me a better one.

So I put that one aside. But I spent a little more money to join this other way. I'm reading their books, going to their meetings and learning about their products and their company. And about the time I get all fired up ready to go, I took off down the road and didn't get very far until I ran into somebody that showed me a better one.

Cost a little more money to join it, but it looked like it was going to make a lot. So I joined that one and do the same thing, study and learn and prepare and bow to God, reading the books, listening to the tapes. And I go off to do this business. Someone showed me a better one. But I mean, it costs a lot of money to join this one and I hadn't made back any of my money on any of them yet. But this one looks so good. I was going to make it all back on this one. I drug out the credit cards to get involved with this

and I want you to know that over a period of about five years, I just jumped from one to another to another and took my wife and me to the point of bankruptcy,

trying to save myself from financial disaster.

The big book says that the more we fought the worship God

and seeking in all this fear and and you know,

drinking again and my husband, my drinking is escalating behind all this fear.

And I wound up having to come into and then I read in step three that when I sincerely would take this position, I would have a new employer

who is all powerful and would provide what I needed if I would keep close to him and perform his work. Well,

this is just what I've been looking for.

Oh, well, so what's, what is the job? I want to know what's the job description? Yeah. So it's right down there in the third step, prayer. It says that I was to pray God take away my difficulties, that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help

His power, His love, his way of life. I said to my child then is to give God my life, let him begin to snap all these pieces back in place. Do remarkable things. It says in my job is to share my experience, strength and hope.

I said sign me up and I meant it. I meant it. You know, it says on page 28 of the big book that all of us, whatever our race, creed or told her, our children of the living creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. So it makes it very clear that to form a relationship with our Creator, it will be upon terms.

There are terms and conditions. That's why it says if we

and the tires all right there includes 63 the third step he would be our employer and provide what we need remarkably well. Says he will bring all his power to bear. He's all powerful and will bring all that power to bear upon my life to provide what I need to take away all my difficulties If

and those are the terms and conditions, if I would keep close to him and perform his work. Well,

it's, you know, it's kind of like a contract with God. You hear about these rock stars all over all the stories, you know, Robert Johnson and all these cats supposed to have made a contract with the devil that they could be famous. You know, you heard about it and they make a contract with the devil. And after that, all they had to do was fart and they got a hit record.

Well, this one is We are making a contract with God

and we better take it pretty serious and it tells us to think well before taking this step. I want you to know if he was going to, if you were going to form a contract with the devil, you better think well before taking that step.

And I want you to know if you're going to enter into a contract with God, you better thank just as well,

because God is going to put all himself into his half of the contract,

all his power,

and he expects me to put all of mine, all of mine sincerity. And when we sincerity took such a position,

think well before taking this step.

And it says established on such a footing,

we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. That's where I gave up managing my life and more and more I became interested in seeing what I could do to contribute. It says that this is the point at which I realized that my needs are getting met by me helping others. This is the point at which I realize I quit being a a taker in life and got and became a giver

because I learned that when I got on the giving end of you, I got on the receiving end of God.

I clearly understood the terms and conditions established on such a footing. That means that I'm supposed to be firmly fixed in my understanding that I have entered into a contract with the All Powerful

and after that you're not supposed to get Bullink

established on such a footing.

He would provide what I needed with all his power if I would keep close to him and perform his work well. And that, by the way, paraphrases into our primary purpose to stay sober and help another alcoholic to achieve some bride, our primary purpose.

The Bed book says that we have been given a great sense of purpose accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God in our lives. And if I want to have a ever awakening awareness of a growing experience with the power of God in my life,

it's going to accompany my effort at that primary purpose.

I know today that somehow me getting what I need from God,

whatever it is, it's going to be connected to me keeping close to Him and performing His work. Well,

you know, I've had people say, Dave, that's all you talk about and talking of course, it's it's all it asked me to do. I say read it right here. It says if I will keep close to him and perform his work well, he would bring all his power to bear upon my life and provide what I need and remove my difficulties. And what he asked me to do was I didn't read nothing else. Of course I say nothing else when I go talking to treatment center. If everything I share, any talk I ever do doesn't end up on this

that I haven't finished

because it all ties back into my contract with God, there ain't nothing else. Read it for yourself. Don't pay 63 to keep you close to having their performance work well is the answer to all my needs. So how do I do that? Well, that's what the rest of the steps are for. Step 4 through 9 is my initial effort to get close to God, to remove the things that brought me, and then step 1011 and 12 is how I keep close to Him

and perform His work well. 10:11 and 12:00

So, you know, we want to get to, we want to get to those maintenance steps that's, that's keeping close to him and perform his work well. But let's don't just blow by then steps 4 through 9. They're worth being painstaking about.

If we are pains taking it says about this space by development, we will begin to be amazed before we're halfway through

yes, and when we finish all those house training steps and established our contact with God. This thought brings us to step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal and go and continue to sit right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commence this way of living. As we cleaned up the past, we have entered

the world of the Spirit. I want you to know that that is still a ninth step promise. As we cleaned up the past, we had entered the world of the Spirit.

And what a world it is. The Big Book says that the central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty

that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous.

The world of the Spirit. Be painstaking about them steps. It's worth it. This thought brings us to Step 10, which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. Now here's how we keep close to Him and perform His work well. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up

now there's four things we watch for. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, there's four things we do about it. We ask God it wants to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately. We make amends quickly. If we've harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help our contract.

My sponsor, you know, my first sponsor hammered this passage so much it got to be annoying. You know, I didn't appreciate the value of it yet. I just got tired of hearing him say it, you know, every freaking meeting and say he was an old man at our group. And so they would usually say if you got anything you want to share today before we close, Are you continuing to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear all the time that anything else you want to say, Ed? Yeah. Are you continuing to watch, you know, all the time, All the time. You know,

some morning and if your smile would have known just right, he'd say, how's your serenity today, boy? And you'd say, well, it's a little off today. And he'd say, well, are you continuing to watch herself?

No, I haven't done that yet this morning. Hello. Did you ask God it wants to remove that. Have you discussed it with someone? No, I haven't done that yet. And he'd say, well, thank God.

Well, he said if you haven't done that and still felt this way, I wouldn't know what to tell you

and said this was a ranch that would fit in enough. He meant that this passage right here was the action you take to get the gears turning to bring the solution to any problem today. I know where he met it,

but I didn't learn it easy

until one day I got a letter in the mail from Social Security. See, I also give a bit of a disability check. And you know, I just finished that nine stuff and was getting some relief from the fear of financial insecurity that drove me into, you know, all that stuff. And, and I was just getting some relief from that.

And I got this letter from Social Security and said your check is going to be cut. This was Thanksgiving, the beginning of Christmas season. You all know me and normally do Christmas big. And I got a letter and said your check is going to be cut $600 a month starting the 1st of December. Wow. A two week notice was all they gave me

and the fear of financial insecurity that was just kind of slipping away jump back on here with a vengeance and was crushing me into the ground.

And in that moment, I heard the voice of God

sounded like Ed Hasbro

said, Ask God. Remove that fear boy, and discuss it with someone immediately. Make a man quick if you harmed each one and resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help.

I thought, what does resolutely mean?

You know, I mean, this is Christmas and New Year's right around the corner. I need people to be making these New Year's resolutions. You know, they're going to go on a diet. They're going to quit smoking. I knew they meant, bless God, come the 1st of June, January, they're going to dig in, plant their feet, push against that, resist the urge to have a cigarette. That's resolved, you know, resolutely. I wondered if resolutely turn your thoughts to someone who could help.

Was the same idea

that method by God, I'm supposed to plant my feet, lean into that fear and push, push through it and reach out and help another alcoholic.

So that's what I did. I called my sponsor, reported to him my fear.

I didn't know any amends on this situation. If we have harmed anyone, it says I didn't hadn't. There was no amendment to be made about this one. But I started turning my thoughts. Someone I could help. I started going to meetings looking for someone to help. I didn't know how to help them very well yet. I was kind of new in this recovery. But if I heard somebody sharing in that meeting that they was having a bad day, I did. Whoever I wrote to the meeting with say help me find them after the meeting. People still joke about that because I still do it.

Oh, Sam at Western Trails, when he's walking up to somebody and they see him come and they go, here comes Dave's messenger.

I'll look for those people to pray with them, to share a word with them, to give them a phone number, to get a phone number. I call them usually before they call me. And I wasn't this time because I needed to turn my thoughts to someone I can help, you know, and, and I would pray with people and, and, and I'd be home at evening reading my big book and go, oh, wow, man, I wish I knew this passage this morning. This is what I needed to share with them.

And I write that down or, you know, mark where it was. I couldn't wait to go back to the meeting tomorrow and look for him and read that to him and share it with him. And you know, in the process of me trying to pick up other people and cheer him on,

I got carried through.

You know, we went through the greatest Christmas, me and Norma, we always have a great Christmas. This one was no lacking. There was no lacking of presents under the tree. We came to the 1st of January to sit down to, you know, figure out our budget. We did the budget twice a month. First half of the month. We sat down and figured it up and we had enough money in the back to pay the bills

and we weren't sure how that happened.

And we decided to go ahead and figure the budget for the whole month. And it was a little scary to look that far into the future, you know,

But we added it up and it said we were going to hit the end of January, $500 short.

And then normally I said, Norman, if you get scared, ask God to remove that fear at once. Discuss it with someone,

make amends quickly if you harm anyone and turn your thoughts on you can help.

Oh no, I'm starting to sound like Ed.

But you know what? We came to the 1st of February with all the bills paid

and didn't know how it happened.

1st of March all the bills were paid. 1st of April, 1st of May,

somewhere around May we begin, you know, between making some life adjustments and getting certain things resolved, you know, it all balanced itself back out. But I can tell you that for five months, including the Christmas holidays,

so life didn't miss a beat.

And I still don't understand it.

I've sat down at times and tried to think back and wonder how I got through that time. You know, I can remember a few things, like, for example, toward the end of February, I knew we was getting down at the bottom of the checking account, you know, and I didn't want to bounce any checks. So I figured I better call the bank and double check make sure that I knew we was down to our last few nickels and Dimes there and I better double check

didn't want to start bouncing checks. So I called the bank and that little recording said that I had $500 in my checking account.

I couldn't believe that I had made a $500 miscalculation.

You say, well, are you saying that God put $500 in your checking account?

I wouldn't say that either,

but I really don't know what to say except that I was real happy about it. And you know, I mean, I

already grabbed my gratitude journal. You know, I started learning to do that. And, and if you haven't started doing it, it's a good practice. I grabbed my gratitude journal. I'm flipping to the February page. I'm going to write in there this entry about five, $500 more than I thought we had in the check of the gap. And as I turned by the January page, I noticed an entry there in January that said

I called the bank today, there was $100 in the bank, more than I thought we had. I said, Oh yeah, I remember that.

Just little things. Those are some of the big ones.

I remember in March one night because I'll stay up at night. I usually sleep during the day, but this particular I stayed up all night Friday. Saturday I didn't get a chance to sleep. I was up all day Saturday and it toward the end of the day, Norma said, what do you want to do tonight? I didn't really want to do anything, you know, and but there was supposed to be a good speaker over at Western Trails. They said now I said, well, if you don't too, we go to Western Trails, supposed to be a good speaker over there and you can listen to the speaker and I can dose in my chair if I need to. So we drive over there