Recovery in the Rockies XVI
hi
everybody
my
name's
in
an
attic
from
London
England
thank
you
thank
you
I
had
a
really
nice
welcome
actually
you
guys
are
his
spittle
and
them
there
is
there's
a
sense
of
his
politic
hospitality
that
I
get
each
time
we
come
to
the
states
is
my
third
time
and
and
you
guys
look
awfully
really
well
can
you
hear
me
nine
on
the
subject
is
speaking
English
as
it
was
me
and
and
so
like
say
on
Wednesday
and
that
this
guy
said
those
men
those
caramel
and
then
this
guy
does
you
know
I
understand
that
this
crack
addicts
in
Utah
but
I
never
knew
that
be
drug
addicts
from
Europe
in
London
my
comment
was
well
you
know
the
real
crack
in
London
we
got
cracking
apps
and
I'm
sure
that
button
you
taught
us
the
moment
stay
in
it
you
know
it's
my
credit
other
areas
is
forty
year
M.
before
we
start
it's
really
important
that
we
recognize
the
paper
to
put
this
convention
together
and
I'd
like
you
to
join
me
in
in
uploading
all
of
the
convention
committee
for
than
a
splendid
job
this
weekend
thank
you
am
I
I
have
a
personal
note
and
I
hope
you'll
bear
with
me
for
my
best
friend
is
getting
married
tonight
well
he's
already
married
with
seven
hours
ahead
his
name
is
down
now
and
I
and
I
just
like
to
side
I
was
invited
here
before
I
was
invited
to
his
wedding
but
I'm
gonna
give
him
a
copy
of
the
CD
as
a
wedding
present
they'll
be
ready
gradual
full
size
second
is
that
join
me
with
that
congratulations
to
Darren
and
Gabby
please
thank
you
thank
you
best
friends
is
so
important
to
recover
you
know
the
people
I
did
ninety
meetings
in
ninety
days
with
this
still
my
best
friends
today
those
are
still
around
so
if
you're
doing
ninety
nineteen
is
another
date
with
you
doing
that
they
make
enemies
stay
friendly
with
those
people
because
because
they're
yet
they're
my
best
friends
I
grew
up
in
a
well
I'm
here
to
tell
you
I'm
here
to
tell
you
that
is
my
experience
that
you
can
stop
smoking
crack
and
stay
stopped
that's
my
experience
and
that's
what
I'm
going
to
talk
about
tonight
is
my
experience
I
can
start
your
inherent
and
stay
stopped
and
I
can
still
injecting
cocaine
and
spaced
out
I
can
stop
drinking
and
I
can
stay
stopped
and
I
don't
take
prescription
drugs
I
thank
smoke
Ganja
then
do
any
of
that
anymore
and
is
my
experience
that
is
possible
to
stop
and
stay
stopped
and
if
I
can
get
a
message
across
those
newcomers
tonight
that's
what
I
want
to
give
you
a
I
don't
know
it's
a
start
button
which
is
that
of
a
nervous
all
day
and
and
everyone's
been
really
wanting
me
off
about
it
and
I
and
I
had
some
food
and
and
it
looks
so
calm
down
and
I
was
just
outside
and
these
boys
from
Lake
Tahoe
Calif
writing
to
me
again
but
I
think
they
have
a
similar
experience
the
the
they've
stopped
smoking
crack
in
that
state
stopped
and
that's
that's
a
result
the
M.
I'm
thirty
three
years
old
I
was
born
the
ninth
of
November
nineteen
seventy
one
about
teatime
it
was
a
cold
and
windy
day
and
that
and
I
didn't
have
my
first
drink
tonight
I
think
I
was
nine
and
that
it
was
a
Halloween
party
and
on
the
first
the
first
time
I
had
a
drink
and
get
drunk
but
how
to
drink
outside
with
a
cigarette
I
know
some
of
us
know
good
woman
and
the
if
I
say
anything
that
you
guys
don't
understand
feel
free
to
have
a
career
in
the
workshop
where
I
said
if
you
have
anything
to
say
put
your
hand
in
college
the
mark
front
we'll
do
that
one
but
if
you
don't
want
to
come
so
much
I
feel
free
to
heckle
M.
so
no
it
is
isn't
embraced
with
ago
and
and
I
was
very
proud
of
myself
at
age
nine
and
I
mean
I
guess
there's
a
mixture
of
the
combination
between
between
the
alcohol
in
the
in
the
cigarette
and
the
go
but
I
felt
fantastic
you
know
I
I
I
didn't
have
a
lot
of
stocks
got
off
me
but
you
know
I
was
the
first
guy
in
my
class
to
case
a
gun
and
smoke
a
cigarette
and
have
a
drink
and
the
miracle
was
that
I
actually
managed
to
stay
sober
from
the
age
of
nine
three
to
the
age
of
eleven
I'm
quite
proud
of
that
many
recently
managed
to
pay
that
M.
S.
the
age
eleven
I
I
for
the
first
time
ago
drunk
with
them
is
that
one
of
my
family's
PA
is
in
my
favor
on
to
you
is
there
anything
she
was
the
Q.
one
Anna
Anna
and
I
thought
I'd
get
drunk
with
her
and
I
did
get
drunk
with
her
until
I
until
I
throw
pulled
over
I
had
my
mom
and
her
tidying
up
often
I
felt
such
shame
I
felt
certain
barrister
Hey
I
was
trying
to
show
off
to
my
favor
on
tree
and
and
I
just
I
humiliated
myself
but
I
never
learned
my
lesson
I
am
this
is
at
age
eleven
you
got
to
secondary
school
and
yeah
I'm
my
mind
behavior
it
was
was
not
pleasant
I
was
a
bully
and
I
used
to
them
I
used
to
tease
all
the
kids
and
as
you
go
up
PGA
taste
the
kids
in
the
in
the
in
the
line
a
favorite
trick
your
mind
would
be
to
take
the
young
kids
and
throw
him
through
the
street
shop
windows
and
yeah
I
like
a
ram
raid
on
did
you
do
that
I'm
going
to
drive
a
car
into
a
shop
window
instead
of
the
goods
well
I
just
threw
the
new
car
the
young
guys
through
the
window
and
stole
the
sweets
and
I'm
not
a
lucrative
business
in
in
luncheon
vouchers
and
then
if
you
do
that
over
here
but
and
then
you
get
given
these
these
vouchers
to
buy
you
lunch
and
I
used
to
buy
and
sell
them
and
then
go
down
to
the
to
the
pop
to
the
bomb
and
I'd
spend
on
my
earnings
on
the
fruit
machine
the
slot
machines
and
and
points
at
lunchtime
and
I
swiftly
develops
and
an
interest
in
in
solvents
things
like
glue
and
toothpicks
that
earned
anything
that
I
could
pick
out
really
easily
nice
one
date
I
did
listen
system
ahead
and
but
what
was
amazing
to
see
I
thought
the
school
was
a
babysitting
service
I
thought
it
was
a
place
that
I
got
as
a
kid
so
that
my
parents
can
buy
from
a
well
I
have
a
job
and
and
you
know
I
get
looked
after
so
I
just
went
there
with
his
attitude
of
Hey
let's
have
a
lofty
Scotus
enjoy
sales
and
I
used
to
take
pride
in
making
the
economics
teachers
cry
and
them
US
I
just
turned
my
behavior
just
got
worse
and
worse
and
I
I
just
I
just
had
the
best
time
you
know
they
they
say
that
school
is
not
the
best
the
easy
life
that's
my
experience
and
skill
is
great
for
them
than
a
****
thing
but
it
was
great
fun
I'm
gonna
really
try
to
resist
to
use
for
fun
is
if
there
are
any
children
mmhm
you're
welcome
M.
what
happened
that
that
happened
to
me
was
I
was
I
was
thrown
out
of
school
at
the
age
of
sixteen
they
can
prove
it
by
was
accused
of
burning
down
the
fifth
phone
block
but
I
was
quite
clever
addicts
and
they
had
no
evidence
and
the
official
reason
why
I
was
expelled
was
because
I
had
an
attendance
physical
education
in
three
years
and
that
was
quite
proud
of
that
statistic
my
parents
went
to
proud
of
that
statistic
or
fact
I
was
expelled
and
they
tell
me
to
get
a
job
only
house
leave
behind
and
you
know
what
well
excuse
donate
I
will
strike
down
I
said
I
don't
want
to
live
here
anyway
can
handle
my
mom
she
she
had
traditional
values
and
I
couldn't
handle
my
dad
here
is
a
rather
opinionated
justifiably
so
if
your
father
looking
after
his
son
but
as
a
son
I
just
wanted
to
say
screw
you
so
I
did
I
will
tell
and
at
the
age
of
sixteen
in
the
first
place
I
moved
into
was
was
a
cattle
shed
in
a
field
of
metals
with
no
windows
no
electricity
no
nothing
no
water
had
a
bonfire
and
we
had
a
party
every
night
in
a
but
these
days
a
progress
from
any
taking
Sullivan's
an
unpleasant
and
smoking
would
you
call
it
marijuana
but
I
was
I
I
was
exploring
and
I
stay
in
the
delights
of
psychedelics
and
famines
and
and
as
of
that
day
I
was
a
homeless
statistic
for
the
next
thirteen
years
M.
I.
start
of
Raylan
things
never
quite
gotten
that
much
better
for
me
there's
two
things
that
happened
at
this
point
two
things
the
first
thing
we
ask
our
clients
to
map
ahead
another
punk
music
and
at
the
time
and
I
had
a
rainbow
my
he
can
and
that
was
very
dashing
Ivan
Ivan
out
outstanding
memory
of
walking
down
the
High
Street
drooling
just
drooling
on
if
on
down
is
but
it
sure
is
an
alcohol
and
gluten
and
and
that's
something
that
they're
not
the
it
is
not
a
pretty
picture
and
I
remember
it
quite
vividly
and
when
people
talk
about
anonymity
if
yeah
I
I've
never
I've
since
returned
to
town
and
I
live
in
that
town
again
and
and
I
have
not
I
have
no
qualms
about
mine
and
emitting
everyone
in
that
town
so
me
walking
down
the
High
Street
Truman
instead
I
worked
on
the
High
Street
and
I
carry
myself
with
dignity
and
pride
and
I
can
I
can
tell
anyone
I'm
an
addict
because
they
remember
I
was
like
when
I
was
using
and
today
they
see
me
as
as
a
responsible
member
of
society
and
the
fact
that
I've
broken
my
anonymity
no
other
level
to
press
radio
television
film
but
under
that
level
at
the
level
of
town
center
I
have
I
have
managed
to
twelve
step
relatives
of
people
that
know
my
family
and
I'm
not
put
people
into
these
rooms
as
a
result
of
being
able
to
say
I
was
that
junkie
and
I'm
not
anymore
I'm
not
gonna
talk
about
your
anonymity
to
be
honest
it
really
is
not
important
to
me
but
I've
night
no
problem
about
mine
I'm
in
anonymity
I'm
sorry
I
was
up
yeah
I
was
a
punk
but
well
I
came
to
realize
that
was
the
tungsten
alloy
drugs
but
ravers
did
more
ravers
did
more
drugs
than
anyone
I
knew
and
I
wanted
to
become
a
writer
and
I
did
and
it
was
struck
quite
straightforward
I
progressed
from
scoring
empty
houses
and
couches
and
I
don't
I
don't
I
don't
I
I
got
to
the
art
of
breaking
into
large
buildings
warehouses
factories
police
stations
fire
stations
anything
that
was
abandoned
I've
done
quite
a
few
places
that
the
there
are
fairly
well
known
in
the
London
circuit
outbreak
in
on
a
Saturday
afternoon
and
by
Sunday
night
would
have
six
thousand
guests
over
it
was
terrific
and
them
and
I
was
actually
part
of
the
over
and
under
Tory
this
sound
system
in
the
U.
K.
people
would
have
had
it
over
here
again
I
he
program
the
clover
we
were
we
were
the
baddest
most
I'm
not
gonna
kiss
state
****
you
we
don't
give
a
****
bunch
of
Riva's
gun
and
because
on
the
central
sort
of
tame
we
became
that
we
were
the
center
of
the
drugs
industry
in
the
U.
K.
so
these
phones
will
be
manufacturing
drugs
and
they
bring
them
out
to
us
and
we
will
be
the
getting
fix
them
if
they
have
got
this
new
drug
you'll
gonna
try
it
if
it
works
is
like
a
program
of
instruction
if
it
works
everyone's
going
to
see
us
and
they're
going
to
buy
these
drugs
so
I've
actually
had
the
privilege
of
of
testing
a
number
of
different
psychedelics
Anna
mention
it
when
I'd
be
interested
to
see
if
anyone
over
here
has
any
idea
of
any
of
them
is
anyone
ever
heard
of
D.
O.
U.
T.
do
it
there
is
a
derivative
of
the
L.
M.
and
one
of
the
D.
O.
M.
comes
from
STP
anyone
try
that
one
okay
D.
STP
comes
from
DMC
yeah
we
know
that
one
okay
so
this
is
stuff
we
were
doing
to
see
baby
in
cats
I
mean
I
was
involved
in
the
IT
came
in
experiments
in
the
U.
K.
and
every
now
and
again
there
be
some
cocaine
from
him
as
a
present
anyone
tried
that
I
saw
you
know
thought
that
was
my
life
I
I
was
throwing
pies
taking
drugs
selling
drugs
moving
drugs
promoting
drugs
and
them
and
it
was
fantastic
if
sex
and
drugs
and
more
sex
and
more
trucks
and
a
new
house
to
live
in
every
week
and
six
thousand
guests
on
a
regular
basis
and
in
the
summer
we
go
out
to
the
fields
in
the
countryside
we
have
massive
festivals
you
know
try
to
see
a
U.
K.
twelve
the
most
outstanding
memory
in
my
life
was
made
a
first
nineteen
ninety
two
when
we
had
twenty
thousand
guests
over
in
a
failed
it
was
awesome
we
have
a
full
times
larger
than
the
nearest
village
and
then
we
took
to
sell
a
couple
of
weeks
later
we
had
thirty
six
thousand
people
and
we're
on
the
cover
of
overly
all
the
magazines
and
newspapers
and
it
was
the
largest
free
festival
to
this
day
in
the
U.
K.
and
and
I
knew
I
was
going
to
get
nicked
and
it
was
my
it
is
my
duty
and
see
if
we
get
it
I've
been
arrested
and
mixes
are
getting
arrested
you
know
I've
been
arrested
at
about
about
thirty
five
times
by
this
point
and
if
you
know
it
I
had
about
thirty
three
different
names
and
I
made
the
foolish
decision
of
of
of
when
I
came
off
this
this
festival
I
was
driving
the
rig
we
we
had
I
think
we
had
eighteen
K.
at
that
time
which
is
slightly
larger
than
this
M.
it's
enough
to
care
for
eighteen
hundred
people
and
I
knew
that
they
were
going
to
arrest
me
and
they
they
didn't
at
the
time
I
I
was
I
was
a
crusty
I
had
dreadlocks
down
to
my
house
and
and
based
for
a
number
of
weeks
actually
helped
by
the
number
we
scared
because
we
have
this
site
in
Wales
and
with
dams
on
the
river
and
made
a
swimming
pool
and
it
was
like
he
was
actually
went
swimming
in
a
wash
luxuries
M.
I
was
arrested
and
I
I
knew
I
was
going
to
get
I
was
gonna
sentence
because
it
was
old
and
married
at
this
time
is
all
about
you
know
these
bloody
rave
is
coming
it
destroying
our
countryside
and
we
we
were
not
the
in
thing
to
rinsing
be
slandered
by
the
tabloids
and
them
and
that's
the
charge
I
had
was
a
conspiracy
to
breach
the
peace
which
is
which
is
which
is
a
heavy
duty
charge
at
the
time
and
it
was
looking
up
to
sixteen
is
currently
taking
a
site
that
is
on
par
with
terrorism
and
****
like
this
and
I
don't
matter
you
know
I
made
of
I
can
do
how
many
decisions
although
I
don't
regret
that's
cool
mmhm
yeah
that's
one
thing
that
I'm
most
scared
of
then
waking
up
without
drugs
and
and
and
that
would
have
been
waking
up
in
prison
and
I
salute
people
the
the
direction
I
will
can
consider
prisons
and
reach
out
to
those
guys
my
my
experience
is
I
I've
never
been
to
prison
I've
been
arrested
and
spent
nights
in
cells
all
over
the
place
but
I
I've
never
been
to
pets
do
that
time
and
so
I
left
the
country
and
I
don't
know
if
if
any
of
you
will
identify
with
this
but
when
you're
an
Englishman
in
you
you
need
to
go
into
a
rapid
exile
there's
really
only
one
logical
destination
as
Amsterdam
I'm
not
gonna
tell
you
the
stories
of
I'm
so
I'm
going
there
next
weekend
and
I'm
going
to
send
a
lot
of
that
the
term
yeah
I'm
so
that
is
a
fantastic
place
it
said
a
slight
geographically
located
in
such
a
place
that
it
just
because
the
market
maturity
am
I
on
the
first
people
I
met
out
there
what
what
people
that
lights
cornering
the
market
and
and
you
know
my
experience
has
been
that
when
I
was
using
all
these
drugs
at
these
pies
the
I
fell
on
top
of
the
world
I
felt
fantastic
I
felt
confident
I
felt
powerful
I
fell
in
Pune
I
felt
I
just
felt
terrific
and
and
you
know
I
mean
I
couldn't
bed
not
gonna
without
drugs
I
didn't
have
any
experience
of
going
out
without
drugs
but
I
couldn't
bear
the
thought
of
not
going
without
drugs
because
I
so
love
to
feed
in
a
bid
on
drugs
into
and
to
arrive
in
Amsterdam
or
something
that
these
people
that
like
to
what
I
have
and
and
they
wanted
my
my
energy
and
I
and
I
make
connections
pretty
fast
I
had
a
lucrative
import
export
business
that
runs
through
through
Czechoslovakia
Australia
Austria
Germany
Holland
Belgium
France
Spain
and
you
know
touching
the
cuts
in
North
Africa
and
I
need
to
get
into
detail
but
I
used
to
drive
up
and
down
to
just
to
point
out
I
never
drive
my
vehicle
I
used
to
steal
the
vehicles
along
the
way
and
what
is
pretty
worth
putting
out
I
never
I
never
mind
I
stole
the
diesel
to
drive
myself
around
that
we
used
to
siphon
from
vehicles
and
breaking
stories
the
we
had
the
special
key
thing
for
us
to
to
help
us
route
this
case
and
we
drive
into
a
petrol
station
a
gas
station
and
on
this
key
would
just
open
up
into
the
into
the
looks
of
it
over
the
gasoline
so
we
would
we
would
take
hundreds
and
hundreds
of
late
is
we
have
a
fleet
of
you
know
between
six
and
twelve
vehicles
to
carry
on
a
sound
system
which
was
a
cover
and
and
we
probably
put
start
putting
on
the
these
legal
rights
across
Europe
and
I
still
got
nickel
technicals
and
and
that
we
were
the
center
of
the
trucks
market
in
the
UK
and
Europe
and
drugs
came
through
us
and
and
we
distribute
them
when
we
didn't
we
had
a
great
time
we
never
had
a
time
without
drugs
and
random
I'm
Byron
and
so
sidelines
and
and
it
is
pretty
easy
to
get
hooked
up
with
when
you're
in
the
middle
of
it
and
and
at
some
point
when
you
when
you've
got
access
to
that
amount
of
money
in
the
amount
of
drugs
and
that
amount
of
contacts
and
you're
shifting
K.
as
a
kite
anyway
you
must
move
you
must
really
delighted
cut
and
then
there
came
a
point
where
where
can
I
came
in
and
and
heroin
became
far
more
interesting
to
me
than
the
psychedelics
I
was
fed
up
with
losing
control
and
I
wanted
to
be
in
control
the
only
okay
can
you
make
me
feel
fantastic
and
this
might
make
me
feel
better
and
some
people
talk
about
being
paranoid
on
kite
can
crack
and
stuff
and
that's
not
my
experience
when
you
do
enough
air
in
your
account
to
share
well
that
is
worth
pointing
out
that
people
say
that
paranoid
that
the
police
were
chasing
them
my
my
ex
is
my
experience
was
the
place
where
he
went
chasing
me
and
I
I
don't
and
I
I
know
I
got
arrested
a
number
of
times
crossing
borders
and
you
know
is
it
was
fairly
I
I
I
know
exactly
the
route
I
would
take
when
I
went
from
through
the
Belgian
border
into
the
French
border
I
knew
exactly
which
point
they're
going
to
pick
me
up
and
I
was
fully
prepared
to
be
strip
searched
an
eyed
monster
the
art
of
creative
fictionalizing
I
could
bullshit
my
way
through
through
being
strip
searched
them
time
and
time
again
I
I
go
through
and
and
I
never
looked
at
my
house
this
is
quite
good
when
you
don't
buy
that
often
I
am
but
you
know
this
house
killing
myself
and
I
knew
I
I
started
messing
around
with
needles
because
they're
exciting
injecting
cocaine
anyone
ever
done
not
what's
the
rush
man
Jackson
got
kind
that
for
me
what
nothing
else
could
have
done
for
me
before
but
of
course
you
have
to
balance
that
with
the
appropriate
amount
of
heaven
and
and
I
only
had
a
problem
with
him
and
I
don't
have
a
problem
injecting
cocaine
I
love
K.
kind
but
so
they
had
us
feeling
sick
in
the
morning
and
then
I
would
walk
around
with
ten
grams
of
smack
in
the
Spokane
ten
grams
of
coconut
milk
and
I
just
use
I
used
anywhere
and
had
not
shine
and
through
our
guide
to
the
carribean
to
clean
up
of
this
this
smart
cabin
worth
pointing
out
I
was
a
DJ
so
going
to
the
caravan
was
a
good
move
because
I
take
my
records
with
me
and
I
done
illegal
in
legal
living
you
know
so
I
went
there
on
a
the
clock
to
achieve
it
and
I
sure
can
then
on
that
someone
had
cracked
so
that's
a
good
idea
and
and
off
we
went
I
had
them
on
smoking
crack
with
the
guns
with
the
rest
isn't
down
in
the
guys
and
I
was
I
was
the
white
boy
you
just
just
didn't
care
I
thought
that
was
really
cool
and
then
we
put
a
lot
of
pies
and
someone
will
overload
of
eighties
and
we
made
a
lot
of
money
and
****
around
how
about
hearing
from
after
the
season
and
not
a
crack
habit
to
supplement
my
hair
and
have
it
which
I
picked
up
immediately
which
went
really
nicely
with
my
needle
fixation
so
I
count
on
injecting
cocaine
because
it
made
me
feel
wonderful
I
was
working
with
a
crew
there
was
eleven
of
us
SO
there's
twelve
of
us
and
all
the
other
eleven
got
picked
up
their
own
arrested
and
some
of
them
are
still
in
sight
to
this
day
and
I
knew
that
that
my
time
is
coming
and
that
is
my
birthday
and
I
had
three
thousand
guests
I
was
in
my
party
and
I
was
the
headline
and
I
never
showed
up
because
I
knew
that
I
was
gonna
get
picked
up
that
night
was
smuggled
into
Spain
and
from
spinal
smuggle
back
to
England
and
this
was
early
nineteen
ninety
nine
and
I
came
back
to
England
with
the
shoes
have
it
and
I
had
no
connections
I
had
no
money
I
didn't
know
who
anyone
anymore
hadn't
been
in
the
country
for
six
years
and
I
I
was
really
sick
as
I
age
twenty
six
and
I
was
dying
physically
my
body
was
teria
in
on
out
if
you
have
a
nice
isn't
really
enjoyed
him
M.
the
the
Montana
and
I've
done
something
he's
had
them
but
if
if
if
if
you're
planning
on
going
back
out
there
this
is
this
is
my
word
of
warning
when
you
have
an
overdose
you
don't
know
you're
about
to
have
an
overdose
you
can't
plan
anything
I'll
just
put
everything
away
nicely
so
that
when
they
find
out
if
you
just
go
over
you
don't
know
you're
about
to
go
out
of
a
and
you
have
a
white
couple
you
dine
and
been
blessed
with
with
waking
up
Humm
and
I
was
back
in
the
UK
and
and
when
I
was
I
was
very
ill
and
I
start
looking
for
some
help
and
I
didn't
know
what
help
I
wanted
I
didn't
really
want
to
give
up
injecting
cocaine
I
didn't
really
want
to
give
up
smoking
crack
I
thought
they
didn't
really
want
to
give
up
their
anything
I
just
wanted
some
help
maybe
some
money
a
place
to
live
would
be
nice
I
found
myself
will
inundate
in
ten
bags
and
I
guess
that's
a
twenty
unit
go
to
twenty
finished
with
the
referencing
and
Jane
petty
crime
my
only
source
of
shopping
was
a
twenty
four
hour
petrol
station
Aken
frequent
daylight
hours
anymore
M.
as
I
told
you
about
this
ideology
I
went
to
the
doctor
I
said
look
I
need
some
help
can
you
give
me
some
denials
and
morphine
Olson
smacked
and
the
doctor
sent
me
to
the
nurse
and
she
was
really
sympathetic
she
is
very
kind
and
she
gave
me
clean
syringes
there
is
really
helpful
and
she
really
cared
but
she
can
do
a
thing
and
I
think
I
think
she
wrote
me
a
few
the
F.
one
when
I
prescriptions
which
is
not
hi
let
those
cutting
a
Dodger
cuttings
journalists
of
and
of
course
this
wasn't
addressing
my
cocaine
and
crack
addiction
all
money
to
frustration
myopia
have
it
for
that
matter
but
they
you
know
they
felt
like
they
were
helping
me
and
that
you
know
he
gave
me
gave
me
more
money
to
spend
on
crack
basically
so
when
they
referred
me
to
the
methadone
clinic
is
it
was
great
you
know
I
just
gave
me
more
money
than
I
was
robin
and
stayed
in
to
spend
on
on
Crockett
there's
no
solution
whatsoever
the
methadone
clinic
I
attended
stabilize
me
after
three
weeks
of
fifty
milligrams
of
methadone
and
then
told
me
they
were
gonna
take
half
a
milligram
a
week
for
the
next
year
I
didn't
think
that
was
a
suitable
solution
Simon
went
back
on
the
smart
users
easier
softer
option
and
when
I
was
running
around
and
I
was
getting
a
massage
one
point
I
went
on
a
run
to
India
and
for
the
cloud
came
in
and
out
of
tasting
domicile
I
went
to
the
Dalai
Lama
and
it
wasn't
there
so
I
don't
I'm
I
came
back
and
and
and
I
have
this
image
of
myself
and
there's
actually
a
photo
I
think
I
showed
it
to
Kelly
when
when
she
was
over
the
I'm
sitting
there
in
this
in
this
this
room
I'm
in
and
I'm
naked
on
fixing
cocaine
on
on
on
on
on
on
broken
and
I
know
that
I
can't
go
on
I
know
that
I'm
dying
and
I
know
I've
got
a
letter
in
my
thighs
right
the
evening
I've
got
in
my
bed
in
the
drawer
next
to
my
bed
an
initial
letter
that
says
something
along
the
lines
of
difficult
fox
my
life
is
is
is
is
bollocks
I
don't
know
which
way
to
turn
on
dying
how
do
I
get
out
of
this
and
this
is
the
first
time
the
the
goal
ever
came
into
my
life
dot
every
dress
code
as
gold
and
when
people
talk
about
what
bottom
it's
not
about
how
much
or
how
little
I
love
still
hat
it's
not
about
material
stuff
that
I
lost
because
I
never
had
anything
there
is
always
one
that
time
is
always
easy
come
easy
go
but
it
was
at
this
point
well
emotionally
I
was
so
alone
that
I
offer
help
M.
way
spiritually
I
don't
have
a
clue
in
a
jar
it
was
all
about
me
he
always
had
been
about
me
the
women
in
my
life
it
always
been
doormats
the
people
that
come
into
my
power
to
help
me
at
whatever
I
just
got
to
this
point
where
well
I
can
go
on
there
was
this
girl
this
was
a
gal
and
she
come
into
my
house
he
was
buying
a
dope
backs
of
wheat
and
then
we
we
want
to
purchase
cannabis
cannabis
cultivation
company
quite
proud
of
that
we
had
this
beautiful
poem
it's
going
so
I
was
getting
these
golf
bags
full
of
wheat
and
this
guy
was
going
to
miss
me
and
she
saw
the
methadone
bottles
are
saving
on
the
side
and
she
said
you
know
this
is
I
didn't
realize
you're
you're
into
smart
but
I
can
help
you
and
I
feel
fantastic
I
need
some
****
help
especially
for
media
and
and
and
she
told
me
the
the
the
the
there
is
a
group
of
people
that
this
had
stopped
taking
drugs
it
had
been
using
drugs
the
way
I've
been
using
them
and
although
she
doesn't
attend
these
meetings
anymore
that
I
might
quite
like
them
there
is
quite
a
good
prospects
in
is
like
someone
who
showed
me
a
track
marks
who
was
coming
out
to
my
house
issues
clearly
yeah
one
of
my
kind
of
people
fifty
nice
people
to
come
out
to
my
house
I
kind
of
identified
a
and
and
she
was
telling
me
there's
a
solution
and
then
the
day
that
I
wrote
the
letter
to
god
would
have
been
very
early
December
two
thousand
on
Christmas
Eve
buy
a
chocolate
bar
on
a
packet
of
crisps
and
said
the
ten
bags
are
not
about
thirty
to
thirty
gram
analysts
sick
on
Christmas
day
I
was
homeless
and
on
Boxing
Day
went
to
stay
with
my
sister
and
I
tell
my
sister
can
I
just
stay
for
a
few
days
and
I
just
need
someone
to
chill
out
for
a
few
days
she
says
you
look
terribly
ill
she
said
it
could
have
been
the
flute
if
I
love
my
sister
to
bits
in
my
sister's
been
with
me
since
that
day
and
and
on
that
day
she
sat
there
she
nursed
me
through
the
last
details
that
I
have
with
it
the
last
drink
I
had
was
with
my
sister's
January
the
ninth
two
thousand
one
and
we
had
to
lay
is
a
vodka
and
I
drink
too
one
and
three
quarters
of
it
and
I
was
clocking
in
on
us
in
such
a
physical
withdrawal
from
the
Harry
and
I
managed
to
crash
out
for
an
hour
and
a
half
before
I
woke
up
talking
again
over
over
sixteen
days
I
managed
to
sleep
for
ten
hours
or
something
and
I'm
Anthony
and
I
and
then
I
went
I
said
to
my
dad
the
others
back
and
I
was
ready
for
in
a
conscious
move
in
for
a
couple
of
weeks
I'll
get
a
job
because
you
know
I'm
good
for
jobs
you
know
I've
never
been
employed
in
my
life
that
I'm
standing
again
to
my
dad
yeah
yeah
I'd
just
look
off
me
feed
me
for
a
few
weeks
okay
job
and
them
I
wonder
what
my
dad
said
none
but
my
dad
did
met
a
guy
who
who
had
who
had
twelve
step
recovery
and
my
dad
sent
me
to
him
and
I
went
into
a
treatment
center
and
then
I
had
one
pair
of
shoes
with
a
hold
of
him
I
was
gray
I
I
wait
what
I
used
to
say
I
weigh
forty
percent
less
than
I
do
today
that's
not
true
because
I'm
losing
so
much
weight
rapidly
I
have
always
put
about
thirty
percent
less
than
I
am
now
so
I
would
have
been
about
a
hundred
pound
hundred
pounds
pounds
am
I
I
couldn't
bend
my
my
elbows
my
knees
my
ankles
I
couldn't
walk
up
a
flight
of
stairs
and
I
had
a
bit
I
was
quite
a
vision
VA
and
and
then
I
heard
something
for
the
first
time
that
for
the
past
three
years
I've
been
trying
to
find
and
this
is
the
first
time
I
heard
it
I'm
gonna
say
it's
you
you're
going
to
think
but
not
so
obvious
but
at
the
time
it
completely
eluded
me
but
I'm
going
to
share
with
you
in
a
minute
because
I
heard
at
this
point
but
it
just
it
is
just
like
so
over
this
one
I
think
that
I
and
you're
going
to
ask
you
some
of
the
same
question
why
nothing
gets
done
but
well
I
heard
that
day
that
I
never
heard
before
during
the
three
years
I
was
trying
to
quit
using
smart
with
the
most
effective
method
to
stop
using
other
people
to
western
jet
came
in
for
a
week
that
was
good
the
the
the
with
the
one
thing
I
heard
on
the
phone
when
I
arrived
at
the
stream
is
Anna
the
the
I
could
never
fool
of
myself
but
now
it
just
seems
so
obvious
was
that
if
you
want
to
stop
using
drugs
you
have
to
stop
using
drugs
it
just
seems
so
obvious
to
us
now
but
I'd
never
quite
current
that
wonderful
I've
never
owned
I
don't
know
what
to
do
with
what
we
have
to
stop
using
old
drugs
even
the
gun
it
was
telling
me
to
get
this
fellowship
thing
was
still
scoring
weight
off
me
getting
drunk
with
me
I
thought
it
was
a
good
solution
to
this
but
no
they
told
me
I
had
to
stay
for
motorbikes
and
they
say
is
a
gift
to
desperation
and
to
be
honest
when
you're
five
miles
from
the
nearest
pub
and
you
can't
walk
up
a
flight
of
stairs
Bender
any
relations
you
angle
much
chance
of
scoring
anyway
and
I
resigned
myself
to
doing
what
I
was
told
I
resigned
myself
to
them
I
was
told
no
I'm
in
any
case
I'm
a
free
live
a
I
do
whatever
I
want
to
go
with
any
board
I
go
to
any
country
not
commit
any
crime
I'm
not
going
to
list
that
I'm
not
gonna
share
now
but
suddenly
I
made
it
I'm
I'm
a
made
a
choice
that
I
was
gonna
and
term
that
we
use
in
these
rooms
is
always
going
to
surrender
and
I
surrendered
and
I
sat
there
in
a
in
a
and
I
sat
in
treatment
and
and
I
go
on
with
what
they
were
saying
and
I
was
quite
attracted
to
to
what
was
going
on
he
was
a
trunk
of
his
what's
the
word
there's
a
group
of
people
that
did
the
same
****
that
I
did
not
use
the
same
so
drugs
I
did
that
the
same
kind
of
mild
stores
I
did
where
one
of
the
signs
of
drug
culture
stuff
talking
about
not
using
drugs
and
hanging
out
together
I
thought
this
is
perfect
I
can
hang
out
with
people
who
like
the
same
stuff
is
all
day
and
just
talk
about
not
using
drugs
room
what
a
great
life
that's
that's
grace
us
a
solution
for
me
hello
if
I
wanna
go
home
without
start
going
to
a
different
finish
it
because
we're
in
the
middle
of
nowhere
and
I
went
to
this
finish
it
when
they
said
we
we
live
to
use
and
used
to
live
in
that
makes
sense
to
me
in
a
case
stemming
and
I
did
I
did
twelve
weeks
in
primary
that
and
then
I
was
moved
into
London
for
stick
intricate
okay
so
and
here's
what
was
going
on
for
me
I'm
working
the
steps
and
I've
got
to
go
for
any
treatment
which
is
a
really
good
idea
if
you
don't
want
to
get
emotionally
from
the
counselors
and
and
one
weekend
when
we
can
I
will
gain
from
my
step
right
in
and
I'm
on
I'm
on
step
nine
another
head
of
everyone
else
and
thinking
I
can
do
this
week
yeah
I
can
do
this
all
at
once
and
get
it
will
arrive
within
a
week
you'll
never
forget
fantastic
and
and
and
and
and
what
happens
is
a
one
time
to
my
parents
to
get
some
time
and
I
found
a
crack
pipe
and
within
a
minute
and
a
half
that's
great
how
the
resin
respected
there's
no
choice
there
wasn't
much
shallow
shoreline
there
wasn't
a
I'm
not
meant
to
do
that
stuff
there's
a
crack
pipe
scrape
out
of
resins
market
that's
what
I
do
yeah
I
remember
when
I
had
loads
a
crack
in
it
I
used
to
sell
okay
and
I
got
from
one
house
to
the
next
house
I
will
shop
every
house
I
go
to
and
when
I
run
out
a
joke
but
hello
all
the
houses
and
just
walk
straight
in
the
door
and
scrape
out
the
pipes
there
was
no
civil
servant
shivering
around
about
it
I'd
seldom
that
crack
smoking
their
pipes
and
then
come
back
just
to
scrape
the
pipes
are
and
here
was
a
found
a
crack
pipe
this
makes
it
within
hours
I
was
drinking
non
alcoholic
beer
and
it
wasn't
too
long
after
that
and
scored
half
a
grammar
rock
ten
pounds
worth
she's
about
sixty
per
gram
of
heroin
in
the
spoon
hi
my
arm
and
out
over
the
next
that
was
months
to
sixteen
two
thousand
one
that
also
happens
to
be
the
day
of
cocaine
anonymous
U.
K.
convention
nine
and
simultaneously
the
not
the
day
before
on
the
Thursday
attended
my
first
see
a
meeting
and
they
tell
me
it
was
a
cocaine
convention
down
on
and
I
didn't
have
the
courage
to
bunker
trying
to
get
to
this
convention
I
didn't
have
the
stamina
to
think
that
I
was
gonna
make
it
and
I
didn't
want
to
go
there
not
ninety
one
despite
the
fact
that
I'm
gonna
name
a
season
I'm
from
Miami
offered
to
give
me
a
bad
if
I
just
call
that
and
and
that
not
of
interest
and
looking
back
looking
back
it
is
it's
kind
of
like
so
now
I
am
on
step
nine
on
bulking
I'm
poking
because
I'm
not
it's
hardly
willing
to
make
all
of
these
men's
because
really
I
hadn't
humbly
Oscar
to
remove
my
shortcomings
because
I
hadn't
actually
become
entirely
ready
to
have
them
removed
because
I
hadn't
been
finished
and
thorough
and
in
the
state
for
read
it
out
in
step
five
because
I
hadn't
actually
made
a
decision
a
toll
in
step
three
based
on
the
fact
that
I
didn't
believe
that
that
you
were
gonna
restore
me
to
sign
a
because
why
don't
fail
to
grasp
was
step
one
the
reason
why
I
had
no
choice
when
I
picked
up
the
truck
but
was
because
I
didn't
have
a
clue
about
step
one
when
it
talks
about
being
powerless
over
cocaine
and
another
Monday
between
substances
the
palace
that
is
referring
to
as
I
understand
it
today's
choice
I
didn't
have
the
choice
not
to
use
that
that
part
when
I
found
in
a
more
broader
sense
how
is
literally
can
be
translated
to
Douglas
because
it
explains
to
me
in
step
two
that
a
power
greater
than
myself
could
restore
me
to
destiny
and
god
gives
me
a
pound
but
I
didn't
have
that
power
therefore
I
had
no
choice
when
I
found
that
part
this
makes
it
and
that
became
the
foundation
of
my
step
one
and
I
am
a
nuisance
that
day
and
and
and
and
what
happened
was
I
went
back
to
the
C.
Amy
and
I
found
heaven
was
just
back
from
a
convention
I
don't
you
know
I
genuinely
hope
that
you
guys
carry
the
energy
that
you
pick
up
this
weekend
back
to
your
fellowships
because
I
got
high
of
the
folk
that
were
coming
back
from
that
weekend
they
carried
a
message
of
hope
to
me
that
I
had
not
experienced
anywhere
else
before
they
loved
me
unconditionally
they
can
tolerate
my
behavior
despite
the
fact
that
I
didn't
really
know
how
to
behave
in
in
civilized
society
they
bankers
meets
keep
coming
back
they
explained
to
me
when
it
was
appropriate
to
shaving
it
was
appropriate
to
change
on
the
way
when
it
is
appropriate
to
change
my
clothes
they
reminded
me
of
the
cardinal
they
took
me
out
for
coffee
in
the
booking
meals
some
of
them
gave
me
laughs
to
meetings
they
didn't
take
me
just
anywhere
and
any
tickets
in
meetings
Hey
let's
get
to
the
Scotland
Dr
they
encourage
me
to
go
to
meetings
and
they
carried
me
to
meetings
someone
asked
me
earlier
about
carrying
the
addicts
in
on
on
he
was
talking
about
is
someone
that's
about
as
far
as
people
carried
me
they
encouraged
me
to
get
a
meeting
so
if
you
wanna
carrying
out
it
carried
into
me
and
that's
what
people
did
for
me
and
take
an
enormous
loves
me
like
no
other
fellowship
will
and
whether
it
was
in
the
room
is
a
fellowship
of
recovery
or
any
of
the
other
fellowships
I
lived
in
I
lived
in
tribes
in
comings
and
cruise
and
mass
his
policies
my
sponsors
a
see
a
fundamentalist
and
all
my
sponsors
come
from
cocaine
anonymous
and
I
carry
messages
I've
learned
and
and
cocaine
anonymous
but
a
ten
a
ten
dollar
fellowships
and
if
there's
no
I'm
a
see
a
meeting
in
in
in
in
on
the
day
that
I
want
to
go
to
a
meeting
on
opening
you
want
and
don't
be
scared
to
open
a
meeting
last
September
a
year
ago
myself
and
talk
with
Tom
started
me
in
in
the
town
there's
two
of
us
in
a
big
book
got
showed
up
for
the
first
three
weeks
and
and
I
visit
it
recently
a
couple
weeks
ago
a
year
later
and
those
over
twenty
eight
people
in
a
in
a
in
don't
be
scared
to
open
a
meeting
addicts
will
come
sorry
we
got
step
two
I
came
to
believe
that
progress
to
myself
who
was
doing
this
on
a
what
I
and
what
is
P.
from
C.
either
just
loving
me
and
I'm
bracing
man
they
charging
me
and
they
give
me
confidence
in
and
on
any
daily
basis
when
I
wanted
to
use
I
picked
up
the
phone
I
phone
them
and
they
restore
me
to
Sunday
they
were
a
power
greater
myself
when
I
didn't
have
anything
else
to
explain
what
was
going
on
and
and
that
is
in
simplest
forms
what
was
going
on
for
me
these
people
reaching
out
to
me
on
a
daily
basis
and
they
were
they
were
encouraging
me
to
stay
clean
stay
sober
and
when
it
feels
like
****
there's
no
reason
to
use
it
just
turn
up
to
me
and
what
will
come
after
you
and
that
was
my
basic
conception
of
step
to
and
and
I'm
grateful
for
that
so
that
when
I
can
just
add
three
animated
decisions
to
my
one
of
my
favorites
you
can
go
to
sounds
that
her
the
only
reason
house
M.
it
was
it
wasn't
that
difficult
for
me
to
make
that
jump
from
them
being
a
high
pound
will
power
greater
myself
to
a
god
of
my
understanding
because
all
these
old
people
talking
about
go
to
their
own
understanding
my
sponsor
Lebanese
on
gold
well
it
worked
but
he
said
at
some
point
I
have
on
my
own
it's
the
ABC's
best
there
is
a
power
line
that's
not
human
and
how
I
found
my
own
goddess
and
then
made
a
decision
an
instant
freeze
like
a
step
above
that
more
more
about
more
more
about
as
I
go
along
M.
the
I.
us
that
much
of
a
project
by
year
of
Saigon
and
I
don't
have
a
clue
how
I
was
going
to
do
this
I've
never
been
had
any
experience
doing
the
stuff
and
I
didn't
know
how
to
see
the
I
see
the
end
result
of
that
was
going
to
be
six
months
away
what
I
have
to
do
to
get
there
and
what
I
do
is
I've
got
myself
a
task
list
and
wake
up
in
the
morning
I
don't
know
what
how
to
do
that
day
and
I
do
everything
I
have
to
do
that
day
and
I
go
to
sleep
in
the
night
and
I
let
go
take
care
of
the
results
I
don't
wake
up
the
next
day
and
I
forget
about
the
work
of
the
just
innocent
go
on
with
the
day's
work
stuff
because
god
was
taking
care
of
what
I
did
yesterday
good
is
gonna
take
care
of
whatever
I
did
today
I
just
had
to
do
the
work
and
I
thought
that's
what
I
have
to
do
I
had
to
frequently
remind
Michael
also
myself
did
god
want
me
to
succeed
and
she
did
in
a
and
that's
how
I
carry
myself
you
said
three
in
song
going
step
for
me
I
take
must
must
posses
three
step
for
the
way
I
was
taken
to
St
full
you
turn
up
to
ten
o'clock
in
the
morning
and
you
write
in
a
day
and
if
you
skip
a
step
full
and
a
lot
of
people
are
really
scared
to
stay
full
is
really
no
need
to
be
scheduled
that
for
you
what
what
you
will
what
I
needed
was
was
just
having
made
a
decision
to
tell
my
what
I'm
on
offense
to
care
of
god
at
the
beginning
of
the
day
the
faith
actually
was
gonna
be
a
cafeteria
staff
for
you
are
already
in
a
day
that
it
was
six
columns
we
went
down
no
across
Louisiana
my
M.
I
say
I
really
sympathize
with
people
having
taken
across
the
most
ready
to
head
in
just
write
a
list
I'm
angry
and
resentful
you
know
it
works
if
you
don't
know
how
it
works
hurry
up
and
get
a
if
you
want
to
hurry
up
the
phones
come
to
see
me
on
how
to
if
in
a
day
M.
step
five
it
must
at
five
to
my
sponsor
the
end
of
the
day
and
then
instead
sixties
he
asked
me
if
I
was
entirely
willing
to
have
god
remove
all
these
defects
of
character
and
and
I
have
to
say
I
wasn't
I
was
not
entirely
willing
to
let
go
take
away
one
of
my
oldest
my
dishonesty
I
know
I
being
dishonest
was
a
way
of
life
and
it
would
be
a
way
that
survive
for
a
long
time
and
and
I
was
scared
to
let
go
of
dishonesty
I
was
quite
happy
to
go
to
take
a
lot
of
other
****
why
I
thought
of
one
animal
god
kind
of
sounds
good
to
me
and
I
must
want
to
tell
me
to
go
and
sit
with
it
and
see
how
you
get
in
on
and
come
back
to
me
in
two
weeks
time
for
you
know
forty
eight
hours
later
I
was
on
the
phone
and
help
me
I
don't
want
this
anymore
any
any
any
tell
me
to
sit
down
put
the
book
on
the
shelf
and
said
a
step
seven
press
I'm
trying
to
get
in
contact
with
the
got
the
I
understood
and
see
how
it
could
work
for
me
November
hotel
lights
came
on
in
my
eyes
and
I
have
the
privilege
of
sending
people
off
to
do
the
steps
six
and
seven
state
and
on
one
of
the
miracles
he
seeing
someone
at
the
end
of
this
step
five
coming
back
to
a
couple
of
hours
later
with
the
lights
on
having
done
the
six
and
seven
ready
to
DeStefano
if
you
ain't
gonna
get
into
it
what
the
steps
from
the
book
and
see
that
miracle
I
have
a
matter
of
hours
the
lights
come
on
is
for
is
truly
beautiful
experience
this
out
there's
more
private
school
version
of
step
seven
and
let's
talk
about
how
many
on
Scott's
removal
my
shortcomings
bike
going
to
meetings
on
a
regular
basis
all
right
counterbalance
or
my
character
defects
let
me
explain
I'm
selfish
self
centered
at
this
honest
self
seeking
fearful
anxious
locker
patients
lack
of
tolerance
lack
of
understanding
not
forgiving
you
know
it
does
mark
the
full
and
by
going
to
meetings
I
have
to
actively
at
the
complete
opposite
I
have
to
be
patient
around
you
come
is
intolerant
of
the
men
and
show
empathy
you
know
I
have
to
ask
so
firstly
I
selflessly
and
I
have
to
be
giving
of
myself
with
my
timing
with
with
with
my
manager
I
have
to
behave
in
a
manner
that
is
respectful
towards
others
and
I
think
these
old
new
emotions
on
new
ways
to
hide
from
me
and
these
are
the
sorts
holes
are
picked
up
in
in
this
in
this
program
he's
a
hard
change
the
way
that
I
behave
yes
it's
our
country
and
the
tell
you
about
how
it's
changed
how
you
think
that
way
will
change
how
you
feel
and
that
way
you
will
behave
differently
that
doesn't
really
work
for
me
M.
what
I
have
to
do
is
have
to
change
the
way
a
bloody
behave
and
as
a
result
of
changing
the
way
I
behave
actually
feel
more
comfortable
comfortable
about
the
way
that
I
behave
in
the
things
I
do
the
things
I
got
to
and
as
a
result
I
feel
better
and
and
and
my
hope
personality
changes
and
evolves
and
I've
become
well
person
I
am
today
his
work
in
progress
L.
instead
Hey
I
made
a
list
and
came
from
a
state
for
not
doing
a
few
more
because
an
attorney
down
in
a
damaged
on
the
best
I
could
and
he
stepped
on
a
if
you
just
get
a
state
full
of
this
ninety
three
is
going
to
step
four
we
have
every
reason
to
be
scared
us
that
nine
St
nine
is
a
very
scary
price
this
and
that
but
it's
also
the
most
freeing
is
the
most
healing
process
I've
done
is
that
going
through
the
motions
of
on
demand
it
is
one
of
the
most
beautiful
experiences
I'm
****
****
myself
walking
out
the
door
knocking
on
the
door
and
yeah
and
you
know
most
of
the
time
I
don't
know
who
the
hell
you
are
because
if
it
was
all
it
was
all
in
my
own
head
anyway
most
people
don't
know
you
I
don't
know
man
most
people
didn't
realize
that
I
had
done
them
home
it
was
all
my
own
stuff
that
was
in
my
own
head
anyway
so
I
might
in
my
experience
it's
been
eighty
percent
of
the
amends
are
made
of
turned
out
favorable
and
there
have
been
some
you
know
I've
come
out
of
it
and
and
and
and
feel
felt
I
haven't
had
the
clothes
and
I
wanted
but
you
know
what
it's
his
hating
process
and
in
in
the
term
turtles
upcoming
Amanda
as
a
result
of
things
that
six
and
seven
my
experience
was
I
became
a
man
when
I
was
doing
my
step
nine
when
I
was
actually
got
up
and
I
was
confronting
my
fears
and
I
was
going
through
and
I'm
praying
among
the
finds
most
poems
adult
Jeez
dude
but
that
was
that
was
the
the
that
was
the
moment
where
the
obsession
was
lifted
from
me
now
my
son
a
was
that
I
knew
I
was
dying
when
I
was
using
I
was
waking
up
in
the
morning
and
I
knew
I
was
dying
I
was
so
overwhelmed
by
the
feelings
that
I
knew
I
was
during
that
the
only
way
to
escape
those
feedings
of
of
of
of
morbid
resource
most
of
it
was
to
****
have
another
hit
that
was
what
was
removed
from
me
as
a
result
of
working
moments
the
obsession
to
use
was
removed
as
a
result
of
the
obsession
being
removed
at
the
end
of
the
first
if
at
the
end
of
the
first
hit
the
compulsion
is
not
triggered
if
I
have
the
first
one
I
scrape
out
the
resin
the
pipe
I
will
drink
beer
and
then
I
will
have
a
hit
on
I
will
die
and
believe
me
as
well
people
have
died
and
don't
know
the
date
because
you
don't
nine
if
session
was
removed
from
me
is
people
in
coffins
in
another
in
coffins
it's
a
sad
reality
I
see
people
go
out
and
then
come
back
and
win
my
first
ninety
days
in
recovery
I
thought
I'd
buried
someone
every
week
step
nine
was
the
frame
process
it
was
where
the
obsessions
users
would
have
was
lifted
from
me
many
readings
re
read
the
print
ready
means
you
read
the
promises
that
is
my
experience
I
almost
at
ten
I'm
and
you
know
I
love
my
sponsor
for
the
final
time
help
me
with
the
steps
that's
not
that's
not
the
purpose
of
my
relationship
between
myself
my
sponsor
it
is
is
look
at
my
step
tends
inspection
is
basically
doing
step
three
through
tonight
on
a
daily
basis
it's
not
a
big
deal
because
you
not
to
do
it
now
and
once
you
got
experienced
at
working
step
three
three
two
nine
you're
not
gonna
have
any
resentment
you
get
a
day
sometimes
get
two
or
three
it's
no
big
deal
it's
not
told
order
to
to
expect
myself
to
do
step
ten
on
a
daily
basis
when
you
consider
the
freedom
I
get
from
the
result
there
in
it
that
is
an
interesting
step
eleven
so
through
premeditation
to
improve
our
conscious
contact
with
god
as
we
understood
him
praying
only
for
knowledge
of
her
will
for
me
and
how
to
count
out
let's
break
this
down
my
sponsor
tell
me
again
it
and
explore
religion
Hey
so
you
don't
have
to
join
in
the
oven
but
just
you
know
look
into
see
if
anything
but
surprised
to
see
if
there's
anything
that
is
interesting
for
you
I
see
what
you
think
the
underlying
experience
I
had
strangely
enough
involve
the
Dalai
Lama
the
well
I
had
I
would
say
someone
left
a
few
years
ago
and
I
was
researching
the
Dalai
Lama
I
need
any
says
a
spiritual
life
is
one
being
of
service
to
others
when
he
heard
that
before
this
is
true
program
it's
only
and
the
Dalai
Lama's
telling
me
the
spiritual
life
is
one
being
of
service
to
others
so
that
was
awesome
tell
us
about
step
eleven
so
through
premeditation
to
improve
a
conscious
contact
with
god
as
we
understood
so
I
have
to
pray
I
have
to
meditate
and
off
to
see
I
have
to
see
god
what
I
seek
a
sixth
so
the
premeditation
to
improve
occurs
concept
of
god
as
we
understood
seeking
only
power
any
knowledge
of
god's
will
for
me
and
the
parents
carried
out
she
doesn't
want
me
to
pray
for
a
new
car
or
a
new
job
my
friends
get
off
my
back
she
wants
me
to
pray
for
the
power
to
carry
out
her
will
god's
will
that's
what
step
eleven
is
asking
me
to
do
but
what's
going
to
what's
going
to
go
much
have
to
insist
firstly
god
wants
me
to
be
happy
joyous
and
free
and
if
you're
in
this
program
for
the
same
reasons
as
may
you
probably
want
to
be
happy
joyous
and
free
as
well
but
I
think
also
this
step
presented
in
step
twelve
having
had
a
spiritual
awakening
as
a
result
of
these
steps
we
try
to
carry
this
message
to
the
other
addicts
as
prices
proved
wasn't
on
offense
so
having
had
a
spiritual
experiences
as
a
result
of
premeditation
we
try
to
carry
this
message
to
allow
addicts
god
wants
me
to
carry
this
message
to
other
addicts
does
goes
well
for
me
in
the
simplest
form
as
explained
in
the
steps
well
I'm
to
practice
these
principles
in
my
faith
that's
a
total
order
so
I
take
a
look
at
all
the
spiritual
principles
I've
I've
learned
through
all
of
the
steps
I
need
to
practice
these
principles
in
my
fez
so
yeah
it
is
about
doing
front
line
working
with
others
helping
you
come
and
stuff
but
it's
also
about
completely
changing
my
behavior
I
got
my
first
job
at
six
months
going
that's
another
story
I'll
share
with
you
privately
in
my
current
and
then
a
good
time
with
some
interestingly
enough
when
I
was
eighteen
months
clean
I
got
a
job
working
in
this
in
the
city
of
London
where
will
the
money
gets
changed
and
hence
I
wept
instructors
and
and
and
money
became
one
you
caught
and
I
lost
sight
of
this
principle
is
the
the
third
third
this
program
was
on
the
line
to
me
it
was
no
longer
about
a
power
greater
myself
that
could
restore
music
signee
it
was
about
making
enough
cash
to
get
a
new
suit
new
time
new
show
whatever
Nikon
you
house
I
completely
lost
sucks
either
an
interesting
play
when
I
just
took
my
sponsor
he
would
insist
that
I
didn't
go
to
meetings
and
moan
about
it
interesting
thank
god
the
means
a
man
about
it
said
talk
about
it
with
your
friends
share
it
with
those
people
he
did
nineteen
ninety
with
those
people
save
my
life
the
other
suggestion
response
you
gave
me
was
to
shop
in
pride
well
to
shop
and
help
someone
else
when
he
was
telling
me
to
shut
up
and
play
he
was
referring
me
to
step
eleven
where
I
see
god's
power
that
goes
with
me
in
the
past
got
out
which
explains
that
to
always
chosen
to
shop
in
helping
you
come
so
sometimes
when
I
was
really
pissed
off
you
just
tell
me
to
shop
and
when
you
come
on
and
sometimes
if
I
was
on
a
little
bit
pissed
off
he
tell
me
to
try
and
through
prayer
I
learned
I
had
to
open
you
come
it
will
come
back
to
the
same
thing
okay
back
to
helping
others
to
working
with
other
people
the
I'm
gonna
read
this
passage
now
this
is
this
is
the
my
favorite
two
paragraphs
from
the
book
and
this
is
where
it's
at
for
me
it's
on
page
A.
nine
chip
to
seven
working
with
others
I
read
it
this
often
and
I'm
going
to
read
it
again
well
it's
a
good
experience
shows
that
nothing
will
so
much
in
show
immunity
from
drinking
as
intensive
work
with
other
alcoholics
it
works
when
other
activities
fail
this
is
a
twelve
suggestion
carry
this
message
to
other
alcoholics
you
can
help
when
no
one
else
can
you
can
securely
confidence
where
others
fail
remember
they're
very
ill
life
will
take
on
new
meaning
towards
people
recover
to
see
them
help
others
to
watch
loneliness
vanish
to
see
a
fellowship
grant
about
you
to
have
a
host
of
friends
this
is
an
experience
you
must
not
miss
we
know
you
will
not
want
to
miss
it
we
couldn't
contact
with
newcomers
and
with
each
other
is
the
price
both
of
our
lives
dies
when
my
program
is
that
as
a
result
of
working
all
these
steps
I
don't
wake
up
in
the
morning
we've
been
obsession
to
use
as
a
result
of
working
all
these
steps
and
having
an
obsession
two
years
removed
from
me
I
don't
pick
up
the
first
months
of
the
compulsion
is
not
triggered
that
is
my
experience
of
how
to
stop
smoking
crack
and
stay
stopped
that
is
my
experience
about
to
stop
shooting
dope
and
spaced
out
and
how
to
start
using
alcohol
and
stay
stopped
it's
a
simple
as
working
the
steps
Douglas
say
twelve
simple
steps
and
there's
a
lot
more
of
it
you
know
when
I
came
to
the
U.
K.
I'm
four
and
a
half
years
clean
now
and
when
I
came
into
the
U.
K.
that
was
fourteen
meetings
in
the
whole
of
the
area
and
now
we
have
ninety
we
split
into
five
districts
Scotland
is
going
into
an
area
the
European
region
is
just
being
formed
there's
a
there's
meetings
throughout
Europe
Sweden
has
become
an
area
spent
Holland
is
an
area
Hong
Kong
is
an
area
South
Africa
as
an
area
I'm
gonna
do
some
work
in
Spain
fit
in
the
in
the
show
featured
on
and
god
willing
Spain
will
grow
you
know
I
had
I
had
the
pleasure
the
privilege
of
doing
Jimmy's
job
at
the
convention
in
the
U.
K.
last
summer
last
April
and
it
was
cool
dust
we
grab
that
box
that
we
gave
to
the
new
comes
today
that
that's
a
very
important
gift
last
week
right
it's
about
how
this
fellowship
grows
up
around
us
because
of
the
intensive
work
that
that
was
taken
upon
ourselves
to
what
to
reach
out
going
into
prisons
going
into
hospitals
institutions
and
treatment
centers
that's
where
the
need
the
blood
is
that's
within
that's
what
you're
getting
you
comes
from
my
experience
was
I
I
was
in
vogue
love
raving
Angelo
parties
so
we
are
how
can
I
help
CA
so
we'll
see
I
can
do
for
me
what
can
I
do
for
CA
I
got
involved
in
fundraising
it's
time
upon
partisan
sold
merchandise
and
and
you
know
I
found
the
my
experience
could
benefit
others
and
I'm
not
scared
to
take
a
risk
you
know
I've
watched
just
my
mom
in
London
we
district
early
this
year
we
go
forty
seven
meetings
in
London
and
when
I
came
there
was
eleven
well
I
when
I
when
I
came
to
meetings
and
you
come
out
to
ninety
meetings
in
ninety
days
in
west
London
I
lived
in
north
London
a
bun
the
train
I
I
I
didn't
pay
the
Boston
and
I
took
me
an
hour
and
a
half
to
get
down
around
three
calls
to
get
back
in
that
meeting
was
on
an
hour
long
and
you
know
I
went
to
any
leads
and
over
the
past
year
or
so
now
just
around
the
proximity
where
I
live
there's
eight
meetings
you
know
go
out
and
open
meetings
and
what
she's
finishing
grounds
this
such
privilege
and
when
it
when
it
when
I
when
I
see
my
spot
C.
sponsoring
people
and
I
see
my
grandsons
he's
getting
well
and
getting
the
gift
that
we
will
go
if
there's
one
message
I
need
to
carry
to
those
people
to
come
up
on
stage
at
tonight
and
picked
up
that
that
big
books
keep
coming
back
you
can
but
you
know
what
we
keep
coming
back
and
I'll
give
you
a
clue
why
we
keep
coming
back
we
keep
coming
back
because
you
keep
coming
back
and
we
need
to
work
with
you
and
you
need
to
work
with
us
and
it's
kinda
Yang
Yang
thing
I'm
not
quite
yum
yuck
I
need
to
close
this
but
but
I
just
want
to
say
sorry
quickly
about
god
because
she's
crime
prone
to
me
I've
been
exploring
my
my
step
eleven
recently
in
dem
a
come
to
the
understanding
on
haven
and
I
have
many
gods
and
some
of
them
in
this
room
and
some
of
them
some
of
the
people
and
some
of
them
are
going
to
rain
and
sun
and
moon
enough
and
trees
and
stuff
but
there
is
one
who
has
all
power
and
her
name
is
going
to
and
may
you
find
him
now
because
ultimately
when
it
comes
to
the
crunch
I
am
excited
to
be
a
pound
there's
no
human
who's
gonna
restore
you
turn
off
Sunday
to
have
the
courage
to
get
on
with
the
rest
of
this
program
and
sent
away
and
you
find
yourself
like
I
found
myself
on
the
top
of
a
hill
in
the
middle
of
nowhere
without
a
phone
without
my
finish
it
without
the
people
to
reach
out
to
and
the
only
person
that
can
stop
me
from
walking
down
the
hill
and
going
into
that
policy
whoever
moves
past
was
going
as
a
result
of
that
last
year
I
found
five
grams
of
cocaine
in
a
in
a
record
and
I
was
able
to
throw
away
I
found
smack
since
I've
been
in
these
rooms
are
not
being
able
to
throw
away
I've
given
what
a
hash
of
made
wraps
with
people
to
not
have
to
****
consume
them
I
have
come
across
drugs
and
I
do
not
have
the
compulsion
to
use
them
I
do
not
have
the
obsession
to
use
them
I've
been
to
restore
turn
off
Sunday
is
my
experiences
that
you
can
stop
smoking
crack
and
stay
still
thanks
for
admission