The Angle Group in Cleveland, OH

With that, I'm going to give you Andy. I think he's got a good message and he works a good program and he's good power example.

Thanks, Bruce. I'm Andy, alcoholic. Hi. Can we get started with the surrounding prayer? God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference on men. Before I forget, you know, I'd like to thank everybody. I'd like to thank Bruce for asking me.

This meeting is where I got started

and I love Alcoholics Anonymous and I owe it all to you guys to a 12 step program Alcoholics Anonymous have got and for that I am truly grateful.

My name is Andy Yeltsin, I grew up on east side of Cleveland. I'm the oldest of three boys.

I started drinking in the woods when I was 12/13/14 years old. I don't know exactly when. You know, my early years were like this.

My parents were divorced. I was a fat kid.

I just felt like I didn't fit in. I felt like I wasn't good enough no matter what it was. And alcohol became the great equalizer.

It was that simple. All those years, that's what I did. There was no baseball because I didn't feel good. I I was not that good athletically. There was no Proms. There was no extracurricular activities. There's hanging around in the woods with my friends, doing what we wanted to do. There was petty crimes. There was being nothing but a pain to teachers, to my parents, to anybody around me. That's it.

And, and, and that continued for a long time.

And this drinking, you know, I'll just say this, I've used a lot of things under the gateway of alcohol. So, you know, I had a freelance pharmaceutical career as well. And I saw the power that that brought. OK, people came to my basement to come see me. I was somebody. I saw the power that that brought. I saw what it took. I got a job. I got a job at a grocery store. My friends knew I was 15 years old. My friends knew what exactly 910 to come down the alley and the little kings came flying out the back door. And at 9:30 they picked me up out front. And that's

did, and we did that Friday, Saturday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday before school, at lunchtime, whatever. And this is all through, you know, from that time on, from 13 years old on through grade school, through junior high and, and certainly up through and including high school, nothing really changed. Nothing really changed.

It continued to grow like that. And you know, a lot of that stuff is nothing but a, a distant memory. I don't know exactly what I did. All I know is that, you know, if I go back and look at report cards, it's a lot of didn't apply himself, underachiever, things like that. I got through school the best I could. I, I, I, I certainly, I, I don't blame anyone. I think my parents probably did the best that they could at the time.

I know today I'm just a garden variety alcoholic.

I maybe I had some genetic predisposition alcoholism, I don't know. But whatever it is, I grew it. I grew it to what it is today. And here's where I am. And like I said, I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be an alcoholic. I'm happy to be an alcoholic synonymous. I'm not happy I hurt people on the way up, but I found something that works for me and it's currently the centerpiece of my life from the minute I got up this morning.

And I'm not a sad. If it didn't work I wouldn't be here. It's worth for me.

So right up and through high school I I pulled some angle, my dent, the angle get it.

My dad pulled a shot and got me into college. I had no right being in college. I had gotten thrown out of one high school of my my 12th grade education was 1/2 day of school. And that would be the first of many of shooting many angles of being a training ball player of, of, of using other people for my game no matter what.

And I got into college and I didn't belong there. My, my high school certainly didn't didn't show that I belonged in college. But I went to Kent State. If you consider that college, I know a lot of people would debate that point, but what happened there was

I lost a bunch of weight and I started bartending and this is where I started to put together

the nightlife and the money and, and all that was success. That was my version of success. That's what I, that's what I thought of as successful. Being out, being in the clubs, being out all night, sleeping all day. That was it. And I'd be going back to school from working in the flats. I'd be driving back to school in a car with like $150.00 cash, which the car and the cash and more than a lot of college students had, and I saw

the power that they had brought. And this is where I go from always feeling never good enough

and less than you to starting to feel superior. This is where the false pride, the eagle, the sense of entitlement all started to grow right there. And that's the only significant part of my entire college career. The rest of it was answers written between my fingers, answers written on on the bottom of my shoe. I squeezed all four years in the six. Somehow I got out. That's it again. One big brown out. I I still don't know people. I can't remember people when I see him walking up the street. And I spent years in college with him

and, and you know, there, I'm bartending down here, it's one big party there, the $0.25 beer night, 2 for one night. I mean, it's all written off as part of school, right? I mean, there was no big deal.

So I get out of school and shoot another angle through my dad. I get my first quote UN quote real job. And that job, when I say real job, I mean not in a bar, not bartending. And it was just what I call a suit and tie job.

And immediately they moved me to New Jersey. And, you know, that was kind of so that if I failed, it wasn't right in everybody's face. You know, this guy that had got me the job was a friend of my dad's or whatever. And anyhow, I went to New Jersey and I did well. I did well enough to feed my disease. I did well enough in New Jersey and New York for for six years

to feed my disease. I performed at a level that kept people out of my hair and allowed me to spend on the expense account as much as I wanted,

sell as much as I needed to, to get away with whatever I had to, to give me enough recognition so that I got up in front of people and I got awards. And, you know, when I flew into Cleveland on the company expense account, you know, there was a desk waiting for me and, and, and there was things happen. And

you know, it's during this time where again, it's entertaining customers. So it's OK, right? Well, the difference is

customers are going back to the hotel. I'm staying out all night.

The next morning, I'm stuffing muffins in my face to try to, you know, hide the vodka smell like, you know, today. I know that doesn't work, but I mean, you know, it was, it was constantly like that. And

you know, during that time I got, I got arrested a couple of times and was my first introduction, Alcoholics Anonymous in like 1992. I don't remember anything about it. There's a lot of smoke in there was a lot of coffee and I had to get a slip signed. All that did was put me in touch with people that were more like me in New Jersey, where I had no family and no friends and there was no learning curve there. And all I did was spend a lot of time pointing fingers.

Going to court was nothing more than a headache. It was pay this. It was get this one adjudicated before this one hit so you can keep your license. It was nothing but a game.

So I did the next thing and I asked for another move and they moved me to Columbus, OH. I thought Columbus would be different. It was no different For a year I spent Columbus. I got in plenty of trouble. I I thought Columbus couldn't be that much trouble compared to New York City and, and it was. So I did the next right thing and I got married. I moved back to Cleveland. I got married. And this is where you know, somewhere along this line where things go from being fun to fun with problems to just a problem.

I'm back in Cleveland now, and I'm married. I'm living in,

I'm living on a S Russell and, and I think everything's all right. And on the outside everything looks great. And at work, they call me the vice president of lunch.

I had, you know, again, this is the bigger I wanted you to believe I was the worst I felt about myself. But at this time, you want a front row, front of the line, VIP grand opening seats where nobody had them. You called me. I fixed all that for everybody in Cleveland and in New York. I grown up with these guys in the bars. I knew everything that went on in Cleveland. And I did it. And I did it for customers. I did it for other people I work with. And it had nothing to do with my real job. But I loved it. I reveled in it.

I thought it was the greatest thing in the world.

And again, all this pomp and circumstance, all this feelings of entitlement, you know, a pig in a suit is just a pig in a suit. That's it. And it's all I was. I was a vacant lot. I was a garbage can for a human being. I got married under completely false pretenses. She didn't deserve it. It's 110% my fault. It fell apart 2 1/2 years later. 2 1/2 years later I'm still up to my same old tricks.

I'd start at a swanky happy hour

and I'd end up down here I was, 25th, staring at myself in a mirror,

hiding in a basement.

It's that simple. Every day I look at myself in the mirror. Every day I think things are going to be different. Every day, nothing changes

around this time. I get, you know, I get divorced. And when they say you pull the plug out and the water starts spinning faster towards the bottom in a real quick succession. I'm an alcoholic, I'm a sales guy. I collect things. I don't give stuff away. And she wasn't coming back. That was it. That was that was a real kick to me. It was over. And I certainly wasn't going to at that time. I wasn't going to admit it was my fault, but

I started losing jobs and I lost those jobs because I was unemployed able.

I didn't deserve them to begin with. And I moved down here because if I live downtown, it would be closer to the office, right. I wouldn't have to drive so much. This is the kind of logic I'm using anyhow. I I lose in a in a quick success and I lose a couple very big jobs and at the beginning of O2 the last job paid me to go away. They said here, you know, I'd only been working for their kickoff was in January. Vote

got to start by January because our kickoff is in Vegas, right? Kickoff is a second week in January in Vegas. So I get all signed up, I get on board, I get to Vegas. Well, little did I know the name tags had a bar code on them and they could tell how much time you spent on the convention floor.

Well, I'm drinking till six, sleep until 3, going to the pool for an hour and doing it all over again. I never went to the convention floor, so I didn't get started off on a real solid footing in that job.

And six weeks later they pay me to go away. Now I'm left. I'm down. I'm here, by the way, all this chasing all this stuff, you know, I'm in a rented house with the leased car, no job, looking at no prospects. I'm living on Bridge Ave. right over here. I'm going to the ABC and I'm going to Major Hooples and I'm sitting on the bar stool and I'm still imagining myself as this combination between

Tony Montana, Axel Rose and Bill Gates.

And and I think somebody, somehow this lighting poles gonna hit me in this, you know, I'm going to be propelled into that 4th dimension and everything is going to be all right. And it didn't happen. And nothing in particular happened during that period of time except I went into the, you know, the depths of how that period of time from May to November, my sobriety dates, November that year, there was not one big thing that happened. There was no new arrest. You know, I had overdosed

five years earlier. There was no overdose. There was no new arrest. There was no new Smash car. There was no nothing.

It was just, it couldn't do it anymore.

I just couldn't do it anymore. And I was looking for a little break. And every day again, I'm looking at myself in a mirror less and less and I'm pushing the job. You know, this goes in this side and the and the everything's tomorrow. I'll look for a job tomorrow. I'll pay the bills tomorrow. I'll do this tomorrow. And

I needed a break. I had this healthy fear that my family is going to find my great dead, bloated body in the basement of my place over on Bridge Ave. You know, three days later and that would be my that would be my obituary.

I had no real knowledge of a 12 step program. I had no real knowledge of what to do. So I looked for some help. I had a COBRA plan still from work and I went to I went to detox

and at the time I didn't know about stolen Maris. It was right here. I didn't know about the Keating Center. I didn't know about rolling Hall. I ended up out at Windsor and chagrin, which was like, you know, a lot of dual diagnosis and like I had his roommate who's like catching flies in the middle of the night that weren't there and it and I'm like, what did I get myself into? And this was the longest respite I had from from from using

in my adult life. And

I started to feel better and he told me in order to get out ahead and have a plan, I said what's a plan? They gave me a meeting scheduled book and they get and they made me an appointment of Rosary Hall.

Everything I told you up to this point has been my part of my story. My part of the story. Everything from this point forward I learned from you guys. Everything I say, I'm doing nothing more than mimicking or parroting anything I've heard from people up here, anything I learned from my spots or anything I learned from you. 11-12 of all two is the most important day of my life, bar none. Nothing comes before it because if I don't have it, nothing comes at all. I'm 100% convinced of that. 11-12 of O2. It's all that matters. I walked out of there with a plan

to that hospital door, never expecting to listen to anyone or be standing here or anything. I never expected to be sober. I had no idea what I was going to do. But for some reason, for the first time in my life ever, I did what I said I was going to do. I went to this appointment and I went to this meeting and I went to another meeting.

And at about my third meeting, I saw a guy went to high school with at this meeting. And he's telling me he goes, yeah, He goes, I'm staying in this house. He goes, I just got out of jail in Erie, PA. He goes, I'm staying in this house. This guy takes people in without insurance and I'm right out of prison. And I said, you're still drunk. Nobody does that even this day and age. There's no way. And he was staying at the Keating Center and I gave him a ride home.

Again, I had no idea what I was getting into from that point. I started picking him up. I knew I started running other people I knew from back, from my fire days that were sober. I picked him up. I picked a group of guys up at the Keating Center and I kept going. And I went to and I went to IOP, Rosary Hall. And I kept going. And somewhere in my first 30 days, I don't, can't tell you where I wasn't hit by a lightning bolt. But somewhere in those first 30 days, I decided maybe I didn't have to drink again,

where I had previously planned on just letting things calm down for a couple weeks and getting back together with my,

as John calls them, associates. Not my friends, my associates. So I don't know why I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why other people aren't here. All I know is for the first time, I listened for the first time. Maybe I just went for the first time, my level of desperation was above my ego for the first time ever.

And I just did what I what I was told and I just tried not to worry about. I tried to slow the channels in my head changing. I tried to slow them down. And people put up with me. I'm sure I was a major pain in the ass and I could still be today. But people listen to me. People just say, yeah, yeah, you'll get it, don't worry. Keep coming back, you know, And that's what I did. And

again, no lightning bolt hit me. But at about nine months, I found out that a lot of these guys that I've been running with,

I mean, some of them lied to me. How could people lie to me? Don't they know who I am? You know? And all of a sudden, one day they weren't there. But what happened? He tested 31 back to prison.

What do you mean? I was with him last night, told me everything was great, you know, and another guy would come to a meeting and he'd meet a girl and we're going to get sober together,

OK? And you know how that ended. Or we're just friends.

We're just friends. So she doesn't answer his phone call. And you know how that ends. So I saw people get better and I saw people get worse. I saw people get better. I saw people get worse. And I guess I just took notice and slowly

my life got better.

One door opens, another one closes. We don't know how long the hallway is. I don't know why things got better for me in a timely enough fashion to keep me here at around nine months. All these guys are gone. I got, I can't find myself going to meetings later, leaving earlier saying I know this guy's getting up in common next and this guy's going to get up with comment next. And it's 400° in here and I'm sweating and this is crap. And I didn't drink. I don't know why I didn't drink. I don't know how I didn't drink. But what I did do was retrain my efforts. I got a

sponsor and I work the steps. He didn't push my nose in the book. I work the steps. The only thing I can tell you about the steps is a turbo charge. My sobriety and here I am five years later. I haven't looked back since.

OK, this is no problem. Leading is easy.

You want something hard? Try spending time alone with the guy you hate the most. Me

trying to write another fourth step. Try spending time alone with the guide. Me trying to figure out the eight step on how you can approach somebody to do the 9th step that makes this look like nothing to me. I'm happy to be here.

I'm an alcoholic, my life is better and I don't want to drink today, so this is what I got to do no problem. Where do I sign up?

So during this time I've had problems. I've been all kinds of problems, but I keep being reminded that none of them are going to get better if I drink. And the way I keep being reminded of that is the we the program. I see you guys. I do everything I can.

I try to stay in the middle of it.

Where I once felt comfortable going into a bar, I now feel uncomfortable and I'm comfortable going into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

That's the one eating. My life is taken me. I haven't taken a 180. I could still be the same guy. I still got the anger issues. I still got jump to conclusions, you name it, whatever it is, I still got all those problems

slowly but surely. Again, all this stuff, but focusing on by focusing on sobriety. I got a job back, I got a car back, I got a house back. Everything is falling into place and I know the minute I take any credit for it, it's all gone again. I prefer not to look at it. I got blinders on. When I get up in the morning, it's not am I going to go to a meeting? It's what meeting am I going to and if I'm not, why not? When it comes to service, sign me up. What can I do?

Because

this arithmetic is worked well for me,

it's worthwhile for me. I love a a case. I didn't mention that this thing's worked out perfectly for me.

So

during all this time and sobriety, you know, there's been bad times,

there's been hard times, there's been financial problems, there's been all kinds of problems. But again, I don't know, just kind of shrug them off and keep going. You know,

again, I made sobriety my priority. There is no job, girl, car, money, anything that can come between me and staying sober today.

It's just worked out for me that way.

When I say service work, you know, sign me up. There's, there's times where I don't want to answer the phone. There's times where I don't want to go to a meeting, but I go anyhow. I say I have another healthy fear. I have another healthy fear that if I don't replace old behavior new behavior, I'm in trouble.

And whole behavior would be sitting like this, changing channels on the sofa,

right? The only thing that's missing is adult man pulling in the driveway. That's it. So guess what? If I'm sitting here doing this and I know there's a meeting going on that I have every opportunity to go to, I'd better go to it. I have to go to it. I got to be here and I got to constantly be bombarded with why I have to be here. And there's only one way to do that. To be here, to be in the middle of it. Remember what I said about all this stuff? I'm saying I learned from you guys and I'm mimicking you guys. Remember

the problems

here, The solutions aren't up here. I need you

the God thing. Everybody had hung up on a God thing. Listen, I got a God in my life today. I'm not embarrassed to tell you about it. All right? What started out as

you know, fake it to you, make it, bring the body the mind will follow is turned out to be the greatest gift I got. It's turned out to be the best thing ever, and it's turned out to be such that it's almost constant conscious contact with a higher power.

I pray all day, I look for advice all day. I still got a hard time meditating. The channels are still changing a little too fast, but

you know the more important I make you and God that better my life has become, the more important I make you and God and a A, the better my life has become. I look around this room, why would I want to change anything? I got friends in here. This is where I belong.

Why would I want to go out and drink? You know,

the idea that the idea that you know, all these crazy things we did, we want to know what's crazy. It was crazy is if you're sitting in here and you're sober and you're entertaining some idea using that's insanity, not what you did. It doesn't matter how old you are, how many times you've been back and forth, what you've done. There's a program built here for you to get better.

We all speak a universal language. There's meanings going on all around the world right now with no president.

You want in, You walk in the door. It's that simple. It doesn't matter if you've been back and forth 30 times where it's your first time

and if you, if you're sitting there and you're on the fence about it or you think I'm full of crap or the person next to you is, keep trying it.

But if you're a little bit nervous and you're a little bit scared, guess what? I know that feeling. I've been there.

And the hardest thing to do, John, another thing. Where is it, John? Another thing John says, a guy asking a guy to be responsible, like a guy asking him to be Valentine

and it's the hardest thing you'll do. I go to I do a detach group and tell those guys, listen, when I when you get out of here, I want you to go. This is real simple. You're going to leave here. You're not going to go anywhere near anything you did prior to here. You're going to go find a meeting. You're going to go in and say hi, I'm a new guy,

Where's the good meetings around here and will you sponsor me? It's the hardest thing you're ever going to do, but the payoff is better than anything I could have ever, ever imagined. Ever imagined. And you know what? Today might be a little bit better than yesterday. That's how good it's been for me. This is no six year pink cloud either. Like I said, I got prompt. But they're all right. They're all right, and most of them

roll roll right off my back. Most of them are off my own makeup.

So I heard another guy up here say one time at the opposite of if we're selfish and self-centered, the opposite of that would be unselfishness and love. And that's what I got to try to fill my head with. If I'm not coming, I'm going. If I'm not constructing, I'm destructing. If I'm not getting farther away from a drink, I'm getting closer to a drink. A A attitude and activity that comes from that guy. Get to work.

Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Start to pace. A smile on your face today because you're alive. There's people in this room,

so everybody in this room has done a lethal dose. And what I mean by that is someone else has died from the same amount of whatever you did. It just wasn't your number.

So put plane with fire. I got sponsies. That's one sponge he broke in my house. Another one died. I got two sponsors left. The guy that died just died last week. The one that broke in my house is sober now.

You know, what am I going to do? Not sponsor guys. Somebody broke in my house or somebody died on me? No, I'll probably try to retrench and double my efforts. I don't know. Like I said, the payback's been huge for me.

I go to no less than four meetings and we probably closer to seven. I do that group at Rosary Hall and had different groups at the Keating Center off and on, in the in the prison, out in the rain, off and on. And I just try to stay in it. I go to 12 step weekends wherever I can. And

how do I do?

I ran over. I'm 100% convinced I belong here, and I'm 100% convinced anybody can get better and that the program's built for success.

I know I'm in the right place. I hope you are too. Let's see the father.