The steps in Cabo, Mexico

Mark Houston. Evening, everybody. I'm Mark Houston. I'm an alcoholic. Yeah.

I wasn't gonna get up unless he made a bench. Y'all cleaned his shit up. Isn't that great? I love it. I was separated from, alcohol and cocaine in the morning of October 19, 1982, and I am very, very grateful for that.

Couple of things that I wanna read a meditation from one of my favorite meditation books called 365 Dow. I I have really had a amazingly relaxing, energizing time since I've been down here. And, over the years when I I feel led to come and be a part of something like this, that is not always my experience. So, it has been it's been great. Just great.

I I wanna thank each and and every one of you who who, you know, contributed to that. I I do know there's 2 elements to that. You know, the longer I get sober and the less I operate in fear, the more I demonstrate love. And strange enough, there's never anything between me and you anymore. There's no such thing as separation and fear.

So I know that I have a little bit to do with that. And then, you know, the rest of it is what you all have to do with that. So, Craig and I were talking, and I think I'm gonna pretty well make this a yearly trip down here. So that's a good thing. And I'll do my best to bring more and more of my pals down here with me.

Okay. This is called, compassion. Says once you have seen the face of God, you will see that same face on everyone that you meet. The true God has no face, the true tao has no name, but we cannot identify with that until we're of a very high level of insight. Until then, the gods with faces and the Dawid names are still more worthy of veneration and steady than the illusions of the world.

With long and sincere training, it is possible to see the face of God. Holiness is not about scientific objectivity. It is about a deep and clear recognition of the true nature of life. Your attitude toward your God will be different than anyone else's God. Divinity is a reflection of your own understanding.

If your experience differs from others, that does not invalidate your sense of godliness. You will have no doubts after you have seen. Knowing God is the source of compassion in our lives. We realize that our separation from others is strictly artificial, we are neither separate from other people nor from God, It is only our own egotism that leads us to define ourselves as individuals. In fact, a direct experience of God is a direct experience of the utter universality of life.

If we allow it to change our way of thinking, we will understand our essential oneness with all things. How does God look? Once you see God, you will see that same face on every person you meet. Came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and first and foremost, became a part of the fellowship. And then I met a man and and the man took me into the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and said, there's a set of precise, specific, clear cut instructions.

And if you're willing to work these with me, you'll have a revolutionary experience and you will see the face of God. And I thought he was smoking reefer when he said that to me. But you know what? That has exactly been my truth. That big book is amazing.

Over the years, some of you might relate to this, I was really driven down what I call the path of knowledge for periods of time trying to understand what had happened to me, understand God, if you will. And by the way, I didn't choose that either. I, got sent down to Kerrville, Texas, 1991, small little community down there, and, I started a group down there called the Carry the Message Group and started sponsoring a bunch of men. And I had to to look for my teachers sometimes in tapes and books and all kinds of stuff. And so along the way, I I wound up studying for 3 years with a Native American, medicine man, doing the sweats and and and, you know, walking the red road for a while.

I that was an interesting experience because Texas has got a lot of baptists in it, and I had one next door to me. And in the back of my yard, I took a bunch of stones and I made a circle in the red road and the and I I would sit out there and meditate, and I found out later he thought I was a pagan worshiper. It was an interesting experience, but, did a bunch of sweat lodges and and, it was a it was a good experience for me in so many ways. I lost my connection to mother earth and that sense of nature and that sense of oneness. And then, as a result of not doing anything with meditation in my 1st 10 years, my mind drove me insane between my 9th 10th year of sobriety.

That's the truth. And, so I really became a student of meditation. You know, it's, of course, it's mentioned in the big book, it's very clear that what we're supposed to do that every morning. Matter of fact, take a Concordia sometime, look up the word meditation, see how often it's mentioned in terms of spiritual practices. By the way, I I I wanna make this statement.

You go to the ocean with a thimble, you get a thimble molt full of water. How much of God you want and it's up to you and nobody else. You want to take a dump truck, you can get a dump truck full of God. There's this idea, God gives us free will. You look at the line the steps in the big book.

And within the framework of free will, there's self will and God's will. Probably. Right? If you look at what the steps do in steps 4 through 9, they wind up taking myself well and aligning it with God's will. And by the time I get to the 10th step, the 10th step's about line of the will.

Then I wonder why my life has changed. You know, I don't think God's will is very complex. I I think, what Buddhism, there's the 8 noble truths, 10 commandments. I don't think it's real complex stuff, you know, be nice, you know, law cause and effect. If you steal, somebody will steal from you.

So, you know, it's, be honest. You know, we wanna, oh, I wonder what god's will is. You know? Pay your bills on time. You know?

Don't steal from people. You know, don't say unkind thing. I mean, you know, it's not you don't have to go sit and levitate trying to figure that out. You just really don't. It's I think it's in front of you, but so back to some of my journey again, I I really began to to become a and and study a lot about meditation and self realization fellowship, some of you may know something about that.

They have a lot of meditation techniques, Teacher, Paramahansa Yogananda. I particularly begin to look at some of the stuff in Buddhism since they've been doing the most meditation the longest, like 2,000 plus years, etcetera. I discovered as I traveled around, particularly to Christian monasteries and those kinds of things that they were a little light in the area of meditation. And since my mind had driven me wacko, I wanted to make sure that didn't happen again. So I gravitated and move move toward that, and I began a daily meditation life in 1991, which I still have up to today.

And if if you said to me of everything you've done since you were born or since you came into the rooms of AA, what is the single thing that you have ever done that had the greatest impact on your life? And I will tell you that it is meditation going into the silence. Because in that experience, which my big book, by the way, says to do, 365 days a year, If anyone can show me where I get a few days off, I'd like to see it. I can't I can't find that. I've tried to find it, but says, do this every day, and in that process, I finally realized who I really was, I realized who I was not, and I lost my identification with my mind.

And my mind became like a hand. I have not my mind and it's incessant chatter of a 1000 monkeys. My mind is just like a computer that you leave running with some software. That's all it is. Most of the time, I don't pay any attention to it.

You know, I'm a lot more interested in the things that begin to happen to me in a level of consciousness I experienced through the process of meditation. When I first begin to meditate, I I begin to notice things. I begin to notice I was, a lot less afraid. Fear, most you know, it's not surprising the fear of inventory is between the resentment inventory and the sex inventory of personal relationships. Every alka I've ever met paralyzed with fear.

The fabric of our being is interwoven with fear. We live with it. Anything I can do to reduce that, I need to do it. And, of course, you know, I read to me what that fear is about. That's that sense of separation.

And as far as I can tell, the work in steps 4 through 9 in the distance of 1011 help remove this idea from me that I'm separate from you. Meditation becomes a vehicle that I get to use. They introduced me to some stuff I'll talk about in a little bit in the 10th step. It says I got a new 6th sense. What does that mean?

You know? I I hope, after we've spent a little time together that I have challenged some of you to look at some of these incredible promises and some of these this information, this book, and start talking about it in meetings. Why aren't we talking about the 6th sense in the 10th step? Why are we talking about in the 10th step, it being the line of the will? What does that mean?

Why are we talking about being agent of and for God? Why are we talking about that stuff? Where are we talking about we have recovered and been given the power to help others? Right? I think it's really powerful, powerful stuff.

Juicy stuff, man. Where are we talking about we've entered the world of spirit, and from now till the day we die, there's a way we can stay in that world of the spirit and grow an understanding of effectiveness and take it into every area of our life. All of our relationships and our work, everything, every area of our life. Where are we talking about that stuff? I don't know.

That's a lie. I do know. We we talk about what we're doing. I'll say it again. We talk about what we're doing.

We don't talk about what we're not doing. That's why. You know, I I cringe when I go to meetings that anybody have a topic? I'm going, oh, no. You know, just where's the you know, where do they come from?

Good. Self pity or depending on the size of the population, it might be traffic. You know? It's just it's just crazy. You know?

But there's such such incredible stuff to talk about. I wanna, go back. I was talking a little bit earlier to a a young lady who talked about a lot of experience with relapse. And, I've worked with a lot of men, a lot of women who have chronic relapse history, and god has used me to help those people. And what I find it all in common is, they have never understood the first step.

Most of them think that alcohol and or drugs, your drug of no choice, whatever that is that you think is your drug of choice. They think that's the problem. See, if alcohol was my problem, just not drinking would be my solution. Do you get that? And the big book would be 2 pages long.

It say, just don't drink. Unfortunately, alcohol is not my problem. It is a symptom. Big book waits till I get up to the 4th step to present the idea of what is wrong with me. And my problem is I'm I'm brutally selfish, and I think everything is about me.

Selfishness, self centered is the root of my troubles. And for whatever reason, if that doesn't leave me, if that doesn't leave go away from me, I become so angst and diseased operating in the world that I drink to treat that. So the whole issue has never been about alcohol. The whole issue is I think everything's about me. Right?

Selfishness. And the book book goes on to say above everything, Mark, you better get rid of your selfishness or it your selfishness, we'll kill you. That's what I, unbeknownst to me, when I came into the rooms, that's what I was up against. Drinking is a byproduct of that. You know, all you gotta do is look at all the examples I think the book gives you to see the truth of what the book is saying.

For example, there's a whole chapter devoted to working with others. Correct? A matter of fact, that chapter goes on to say, when all else fails, work with someone else. So let's see. Let me think.

What would be the opposite of selfishness? Working with somebody else. Right? Gee, I wonder why that's in there. Well, you know.

See, if I'm sitting across working with another alcoholic, I totally lose my connection with me. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but if you live with me all the time, you would want to lose that connection at times. That's why I sponsor a lot of people. I really need to get away from me for long periods of time. The incessant dialogue starts.

Right? You know, your committee, you all. By the way, are you doing a good job identifying your host of characters? You got up this morning, your little table with all the different committee members. Right?

You got mister AA guy, miss AA, spiritual man, spiritual woman, and whatever else it is. You got a husband, probably. You got a wife. Right? You got a businessman.

You got a retired businessman. You know? Got the timeshare condominium seller. He's down here. Got a got a boat captain's down here.

I mean, you got all kinds of different stage characters down here. Right? You know? You got the got the cooks and the just but it's all your little host, all those voices. How you doing?

How you going? You gotta go do. You know? Had him get a cup of coffee, and it's already got out to 10 o'clock tonight. Right?

I tell I tell people there's a reason we shoot ourselves in the head instead of the foot is to stop the voices. Somebody's got a chair of the meeting. Probably helps if it'd be the spiritual man or spiritual woman. But so the first step, craving the body obsession of the mind, experientially driven, not rocket scientist. Doesn't take a lot to tell if I'm a real alcoholic or real drug addict.

If I'm the guy on page 21, When they take a drink, do I lose control? Power and choice over how much? Yes or no? Go back into the drinking. Sober, do I have a mind that takes me back to it?

Do I commit the most insane act of my life stone cold sober? Because if you've lost power, choice, control once it's in your body, then you have a pure of sobriety and go back to it again, That, ladies and gentlemen, is called insanity. See, the relapse ends when I take a drink. Doesn't start then. It ends then.

It ends then because I'm gonna break out in a phenomenon called craving. My last drink last a year and a half. I love it. I hear people sit in their rooms. They they talk as though they know what would happen if they took a drink.

If I knew what would happen when I took a drink, you'd have another speaker. I went I don't need to go the rooms anymore. My problem is when I take a drink, I don't have a clue what would happen. I'm serious. My last drink, last year and a half, I thought I knew what was gonna happen.

I didn't. Drank for a year and a half. Right? See, that's me. That's my experience.

I'm a real alcoholic. Do I believe that? Do I believe that no human power can separate me from alcohol and drugs and keep me separated? I'm probably like most of you. I quit drinking a whole bunch of times.

Quitting was never the issue. Could I stay quit on my own power? No. That was my experience. So am I what the big book says at the bottom of page 43?

Once more, Mark, at certain times, has no effective middle defense against the first drink. Mark, is that your experience? Yes. Mark's defense must, m u s t, come from a power greater than himself. I became a secret power once I saw the truth of that sentence.

I became that then and I still am today. Now some people call it god. I wasn't interested in god. I was interested in the power behind the name. You get what I just said?

I was interested in experiencing the power behind the name, and I wasn't interested in believing in God. Most people I know walk into the rooms believing in God. Let me ask this question, how many of you believed in God and drank a lot? Well, it then we we come into the rooms and we get sober, Must not have anything to do with believing in God then. What does it have to do with?

Has to do with experiencing the power behind the name. I mentioned this to you the other night, the trap the trap of thinking that because you believe in God, you do. It's a great trap of the ego for you to tell me you believe in God. Really? Do you are you living your life as though you do?

What do you mean? Well, you're afraid a lot. Yeah. Why do you ask? Well, if you believe in God, why would you be afraid a lot?

Somebody's lying. What is it? Which voice is it? See, the 2 can't fit the same box. Right?

Big book says, men and women of faith have courage. They the definition of courage is in the big book. I love it. They trust their god. They trust their god.

It has nothing to do with belief. I trust my god. Bring it on. Bring it to me, whatever it is. Nothing touches me but what god wants to touch me.

Nothing. No one. Nothing. No one ever bring it on. What an incredible way to go through life.

See? God's about 30 feet tall. I got my little arm around his calf. He's got his head right in my head. See, and I got you, boy.

I got you covered. Go out and play in the playground. Boy, I go play. See? Come to places like this.

Come up, stand in front I don't know what I don't know what you need. I don't know what to talk about. I don't have to worry about it. Because I stand here and he just pads me and hit and said, okay, boy. Stir them up a little bit.

Got some old people down there resting on their ass too long. Stir their butts up a little bit. Haven't written inventory in too long or goddamn sphincter muscles getting too tight. Loosen them up a little bit. See?

Have them write some inventory. Challenge them about prayer and meditation. Right? Have them get off their butt. Carry the message.

Get excited about life again. Right? Stir the pot a little. Whatever you say. See?

Meditate that courage. They trust their god. That's the kind of god I needed when I came in the rooms. See? That kind of a god.

You write that fear inventory, and then right in the middle of that fear inventory, And I and I love this. This is another sentence, by the way. I think it'd be great if you guys just start talking about in in meetings, but it's it talks about, I'm in the world to play the role that god has assigned. The extent as I do is I think god would have me and how they rely on does he enable to be matched calamity with serenity. But it says I'd never apologize for depending upon my creator.

I laugh at those who think spirituality of weakness. Paradoxically, it's the way of strength. Verdict of the ages is faith means courage. All men and women of faith have courage, and they define it. They trust their god.

I never apologize for god. Here's the sentence. Instead, I let God demonstrate through me what God can do. God can stay sober. God can can stay sober through me.

Can I keep myself sober? No. I drank for 20 years. I did dope for 13 daily, lots of it. I was a tornado, period, on my power.

But god can demonstrate through me staying clean and sober since October 19, 1982, through me. Take a let take a Iowa farm kid, travels all over the world talking about god and the steps. God can demonstrate through me what god can do. Open the 1st men's recovery center in United States of America, first one ever. God can demonstrate through me what god can do.

Powerful stuff. See? That's what this book's about. Oh, just don't drink and go to meetings. No.

No. No. So much more. So much more. Whatever it is God wants you to do in the world to play the role he's assigned.

Maybe it's just to be a incredible husband, or a father, or wife, or sister, or a friend. I don't know. You do the deal, you'll be shown, whatever it is. I suspect somewhere in the middle of it, though, you're probably supposed to be helping other alky's. Right?

See, I do a lot of stuff in the 11th step, but I never do it instead. God sent me to these rooms and said, I'm gonna show you a path to have a revolutionary experience and come to know me in ways that you can't even believe. But I got a lot of work for you, because you got a lot of fellow sufferers out there, and you're the only one That can reach you. Because of your experience. Quick story on that.

I, some of you maybe you've had this experience, but I I have periods of time I get into some extreme spiritual intoxication. And, in one of those moments, occurred to me I should maybe join a monastery. And, I had been seeking some counsel from a a man who ran a monastery. He was both a a priest and a a monk. And so I went down to see him one time, and we said, oh, we chatted for a while, and he had, he'd come back to Kerrville, Texas where I was living at that time and stayed there for about a week and took it I exposed him some meetings and all those kinds of stuff.

And now we get done. He goes to me, He said, Mark. We really appreciate your efforts and your application to the monastery, but you just need to stay right where you are working with your kind. And I said, what do you mean my kind? And he said, well, you know, you alcoholics and you drug addicts.

He said, we don't do very well with you, but he he said, that that place you go, and and I've watched you, and you do really well with them, and they that's where god needs you. So thanks for playing the monastery, but we don't want you there. So so that's probably always gonna be a part of what I do. I'm gonna be sitting down across from an alcoholic or drug addict trying to help them out with find their truth in the first step. And, been doing that for a lot of years, and and I'll keep doing it.

But I I wanna talk for a minute again about this this deal about God. There's there's a prayer. I asked him to remove my fear and brought it. He has tension. What do you have as be?

I wanna talk again briefly about this this thing of fear, because I I think it's so instrumental in why sober we live miserable lives, why we don't reach for abundance, and I know it contributes to a lot of relapse. So outside of the obvious work in here, there's a couple other things about this I want to mention. One is, let me ask this question. Well, are any of you as you sit here right now in this moment feeling fear? Any of you?

Oh, some of you are. K? Let me ask this question. Of all of you who raised your hands, are any of you in any concrete immediate danger? Right now.

Danger. Are you? Any of you? K. Then the fear is not real, is it?

There's no reality to the fear, except what your mind has given it. Now I want you to think about something. From birth to death, most of your life, you could answer this question the way it was just answered. There's absolutely no reason to have the fear. It is manufactured by your mind, it is psychological in nature, and it is always about the future.

Would it be that nice to be that easy to get rid of it? Is it that easy? Yes. Yes. If we have the capacity to live more in the present moment, the less we will experience fear, but you cannot do that if you're identified with its mind and its incessant chatter.

And now a lot of that chatter always has to do with the future. So very little of our life do we ever get to really be present. Unbeknownst to me, the the disciplines of the 10th and 11th step thrust me into the present moment. Now, do I have to practice staying present? Yes.

Craig and I were laughing today. We know ourselves too well. We have fun with ourselves. Now we aren't leaving till tomorrow morning. We got packed today.

See, I know him. He was trying to pretend he was really in the moment. He was gonna do it in the morning. I go, yeah. You betcha.

Comes out about 1 o'clock this afternoon. Yeah. You're right. I'm packed. Right?

So see, we realize that it's gonna be there. Right? So we practice, practice, come back. How? Grab this, breathe, anything.

Come back to here. Be here. Be here. Be with you. Be present to where I am.

The only place I can meet god, the only reality of my life. There's no other place to meet god. You don't meet god down here or back here. Now within this breath, this context is the only place I can come to know god. There is no other place.

Oh, okay. Because the 10th and 11th step, if you look at what the 10th and 11th step really ask you to do, the strict spiritual disciplines of those steps, and they are strict. If you don't believe me, you take him to take him to some man of the cloth sometime. Say, by the way, I'd like you to read about the 10th, 11th step and tell me what you think. Most of them would say, if my congregation did that, they'd be close to enlightenment.

Why? Because it does. It tells us every morning. Do all these prayers, meditate. Do all this stuff during the day, and then at nighttime, do an evening review, answer all these questions, do more prayer and more meditation, and do that every day till you die.

And then then here's what's funny. In AE meetings, heaven forbid you ever mention the word religious. Right? We have one of the most religious dogmatic practices there is. Matter of fact, what most religions ask of their congregation is simple compared to what this ask of me.

Right? Make amends, clean it all up, pay all the money back. I'm sponsored a guy one time. Right? I'll never forget this.

We get to the immense process, and good good Palabine, and, his name is Floyd. And, we, get to talking about some monies. And as it turned out, it was probably almost $40,000, and we got to talking about this, and it was very clear to me and according to big book that he need to pay this money back. So I could tell he's getting a little angry. And I said, Floyd, what are you getting angry about?

Floyd came to me, a believer. Matter of fact, his church said, hey. Hey. You know you're drinking a little bit too much then, but we can't help you, but you're a good deacon. Keep giving us your money.

You go to those rooms. So anyway, we get to this man's anyhow, he he starts to get angry. And I said, what are you getting angry about? And he goes, well, he said, the church said I didn't have to pay it back. All I had to do is pray for forgiveness.

And I said, yeah. And the church sent you to get a a to get sober. Big book says you need to pay it back, you know. So he often jokes about that. AA was the most expensive place he had ever been sent to.

And he said they it's supposed to be free. Right? What if it wasn't free? He did pay the money back, by the way. Yeah.

Still sober to this day. I wanna talk a little bit. I went up to the, 5th step last night. A a couple things I mentioned to some of you is the idea of doing a multiple 5th steps in which you take a, body of inventory and read it to 2, 3, 4, 5 people. It's a wonderful idea.

It will also really help you get pulled away from your ego. So maybe read to your sponsor, read to a couple of your proteges, those kinds of things. So I know when I, get back, probably over a 2 week time period, I probably will read inventory 5 times. I'll read to Craig, 2 other people I sponsor, and 2 elders in Austin, Texas. More people you read to, the less attachment you have to the Eagle.

You get pulled back. By the way, when I read inventory, I follow the instructions in the book. I gotta find somebody who will understand and prove what I'm driving at. I need to find somebody who understand that it's life and death. I need I need to read inventory to someone who's a lot more concerned about my life than how they feel about what they say to me.

See, when I'm reading the 5th step, I'm fighting for my life. I'm up against my ego. My ego is gonna do everything in the world to justify, to minimize, to rationalize these resentments, these fears, these sexual and or personal relationships, constantly living in that state of they're more at fault. Right? It's like the guy said to me one time, well, in that relationship with that guy, 90% of the time, he was at fault.

And I said, well, why don't you just claim a 100% of your 10 then? Where are you gonna go with that one? Right? So those are some of the things that I that I look for when, when I'm looking for people to read to. And, I have read to women.

Great. Gives you a whole great perspective. Red to red to young, red to old. I've read to, men of the cloth. So but I I find it it's a, fascinating experience.

Normally, every time I get ready to read, I review the instructions from page 7 to 75, so that I stay clear of what I'm about to do. I'm about to face and be rid of that which has me blocked from power I need. I'm about to look at the exact nature of my defects as a result of attempting my live my life based on self will. That's what the whole purpose of this is about. It's not about anything else.

It's not about I'm trying to win an award for being a neat guy. Instead, I'm blocked from power, and I need to get rid of that which has me blocked from power. So I read the inventory. And you get done with the inventory, and then you have the incredible 5th step promises, then I want to talk a minute. To me, there's spiritual virtue and following instructions.

When I'm done reading inventory, then I go home and the book says I need to find a place where I'll be quiet for an hour. So I take a timer and I set it for 60 minutes. And I click it. Now it says, I'm gonna carefully review what I have done. So I like to close my eyes and review in a general way this inventory that I just read.

Now there's a prayer in here, it says, I need to thank God from the bottom of my heart that I know God better. Now, I don't know if any of you ever thought about this, but how can I know God better as a result of reading this dismal infantile inventory? How does that happen? Why would I because I I got I got this kind of mind. It's like, oh, wait a minute.

Why do I know God better as a result of reading that inventory? I'll leave you all to ponder that. It's a great question, isn't it? Why would I know God better as a result of reading a resentment inventory, a fear inventory, and a sex and or personal relationships inventory? Why?

Why would I experience all those incredible 5th step promises? Now some of this, I wanna throw out to those of you who haven't written in a while or struggle with writing inventory. If you had a clear idea of what could happen on the other side of inventory, you wouldn't bulk at inventory. It's kinda like trading in a new car every year or something, I don't know. Great stuff.

And it goes on and it says, taking the book down from the shelf, I turned to the page which contains these twelve steps. I carefully read the first five proposals. I ask if I've omitted anything. So I read each question, they sit with it. Powerless over alcohol.

My life's unmanageable. Boom. Sit with it. Came to believe in a power greater myself, and you go through it in that fashion. I'm building an arch through which I walk a free man at last.

They refer to this construction site stuff with some frequency in here, in particular, in the 5th step. It goes on and says, is my work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? I don't know if lot of times I I take people through and we get to this and they've been around the program for while in this question about the stones. I don't know if you know this, but earlier on, the big book told me that the second step was the cornerstone, and the third step is the keystone.

And if you don't know that, and it asks you that question, you'll just go, really, I don't know what that mean, but I got too much pride to ask, and you wanna just gonna move right on past. Right? How many of you been sober for a while and and didn't know what the stones were or the stones properly in place? Right? The stones for what?

To build a spiritual arch to which you walk a free man and a free woman, the last stone in place is the 12th step. That's why. To be entirely rid of self, ladies and gentlemen. To walk through that archway. Right?

Are the stones properly in place? Have I skimped on the smith put into the foundation? My first step, do I know what's wrong with me? Have I tried to make mortar without sand? All kinds of construction questions.

On page 75, I thought it was about not drinking. They're building houses for god's sakes. Right? Timer goes off, I finish the hour. Boom.

Turn to 6th step. How do you know when you're ready for the 6th step? When the timer goes off and you're done with the hour, that's out. Real complex stuff, you know. If I can answer to my satisfaction all those questions, I then look at step 6.

I've emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Now this next question is the only kinda only an alcoholic drug addict would ask this question. You've looked at all this material, you've read these inventories, you've read all this, you you understand by then selfishness is your problem. It's the reason you drink, do dope, etcetera, etcetera. Now here's the question we've got we've got to sit with it.

It's kinda like the question, do you wanna die in alcoholic death or live in a spiritual basis? And we go, well, could you elaborate on what dying in alcoholic death means. Right? But here's the question, am I now ready to let God remove for me all the things I've admitted our objection? We've gotta sit with that?

See, God's funny. Think about this. He he took a tribe of people that were so asleep or think we're God. Right? So it's like, I could just see him.

He's talking he's talking to Saint Peter and he goes, well, we're gonna have to trick him. He said, here's what we'll do. In the second step first of all, we'll convince them they need power. The second step, we'll let them invent us. Says, come up with your own concept.

Right? They can invent us. Hell, we don't care. It's obvious everything else we put down there don't work with them anyhow. So they come up with their own concept.

Right? They get to invent me. Then in the 3rd step, we're gonna let them make a decision to turn the will of life over to that which created the will of life. Right? You get that?

I'm gonna make a decision to let my mom and dad be my mom and dad. But, I mean, think about it, the 3rd step. I'm gonna make a decision to turn my will in life over to God as I understand God. Well, what created your will in life? Well, God did.

Right? You see? But then here we go. We're back to 6. Well, remember who we're dealing with.

Even though they've seen all this, we've got to let them think they have a choice. Right? So you have a long list of all these defects of character, which lead to you drinking, winding up where you wind up. Am I ready to let god remove these things that I have admitted our objection? Oh, this section is even greater.

It's a question of faith. Can he now take them all, everyone? Right? We still cling to something we'll not let go. We ask God to help us be willing.

I was asked earlier, the most effective tool I've found for step 6, is a tool I call the sacraments of penance. Big book talks about identifying the exact nature of defect, So I have spent time looking for the most effective tools I could find, and that, outside of some of the religious stuff in there, is the best tool I've ever found to identify my defects of character in ways that what it does, it takes the 7 deadly sins and really embellishes them. Right? Now it's a tool of the Catholic church, but don't ask Catholics because they don't use it. I'm serious.

But it's a great tool. I've been using it for years. I had my first profound experience using this tool. What I do when I get done reading inventory is it's about 7 or 8 pages long, and I just go down the list. It starts like pride, putting self in the place of God.

Then I pronounce myself guilty or not guilty guilty. And and it it just oh, god. It's getting incredible stuff like like, under, oh, gossip. It's fabulous. They talk about retailing gossip.

I mean, it's almost like you set up a store and sell it. You know, you just I but I till I did the sacraments of penance, I thought I kinda had my act together. I've never thought that since then. You know? I and, oh, I love it.

Murder indeed or thought. Oh, no. Right? You know? You just you you go through and you think you're really doing well.

You know, you're you're think you're being kind, and then this stuff comes up. You know, retailing of gossip, and and and well, I tell you the profound experience I finally had with the 6 Step, because I I picked this tool up when I was 12 or 13 years sober, was when I got done with this 6 or 7 pages long, I was gonna do a marker because I didn't think there'd be very many. Yeah. I may as well just dip the damn thing in yellow. And, so at that time, you know, I I really had a deep inner conviction of how much I love God, and I'm trying to do the right thing.

And I got 7 pages, and they're all highlighted. Right? And and I'm I'm sitting there and and, like, I'm I'm meditating and and I'm asking God to remove this and and I just literally broke down. I tell you why I broke down is I really thought I've been doing okay. And then I saw how much I fell short.

And then I realized, so do you. And that's the best we can do. And you know what? It's okay. It's okay for you, and it's okay for me.

And, man, I got it. I it was okay for me to just to be Mark Houston that day. There's no nothing to arrive at. You know, as good as I want to get, man, I fall short. And it ain't gonna get any better now.

Right? I don't expect to get enlightened while I'm here. It's just I fall short too much. I stumble. I hit my knees, and so do you.

And in the middle of that, you and I got very equal. There was none of this up here, down here, and that kind of stuff. And then not too long after that experience, the same man who said, I don't want you in the monastery. I want you out there working with your people. He was sitting there in his own way, was doing his own sacrament.

It's been his thinking. He breaks down crying. Now this is a guy that he lives in a monastery. He prays 6 times a day, starting at 3 AM in the morning. He's devoted his life to prayer and meditation, and he's sitting there weeping because he falls so short.