The steps in Cabo, Mexico

Do a little mic check here. Is that, does that sound alright for you? How about everyone else? Can you hear me alright? Never had any problems with modulation, I guess.

My name's Mark Houston. I'm an alcoholic, in a power that, I didn't believe in, didn't have much time for, separate me from alcohol and cocaine in the morning of October the 19th of 1982. And if I believe my big book and I do, that power along with a daily course of action, working with the strict spiritual disciplines of the 10th, 11th, and 12th step have kept me from drinking. Always gotta stay clear on what I'm supposed to do, what versus what God's supposed to do. Because I did the great God cop out, God keeps me sober.

Well, there's this idea, there's nothing but God, so of course that's a part of it. But if you really read the 10th and 11th step, it says that you and I are sitting here sober because we're in fit spiritual condition. Correct? Then there's about 5 or 6 pages of what we're supposed to do of very intense, very specific stuff. Prayers to say, supposed to set aside some time in the morning, meditate, supposed to consider your plans for the day, supposed to ask for freedom from self, all kinds of things.

And then there's a lot of tools that you're supposed to work with all through the day as you rub up against yourself. I'll talk more about this, but the 10 step is what I do once my hand is on the door and I'm coming out and interact with you. You do the 11th step in your home in the morning and in your home in the evening, but the 10 step you use when the game is on. By the way, when you find yourself in the middle of a highway and there's an 18 wheeler bearing down on you, that is not a good time to try and figure out how you got there. The 10th step is about move.

Get the force away from yourself. Things like watch, ask, pause, turn, turn out of yourself into, cease fighting, practices. 10 step is an abyss, 2 pages. 5, 6 paragraphs long. We never talk about the last 2 or 3 paragraphs of the 10 step.

There are a set of practices when I go out my door that I get to work with all day long, and I'll talk more about that. First 9 steps allowed me to open a door into what the big book says is I've entered the world of the spirit. What does that mean? What a great question. Well, what does that mean?

10 step, I've entered the world of the spirit. My experience is it means I've entered the world of the spirit. See, the book big book does stuff like this. It's a it's a real tricky book. Like, you'll sit in meetings and somebody will say, I don't know how it works.

I do. There's a whole chapter. How it works? I don't know how to sponsor someone. Well, there's a whole chapter called into action, working with others.

Right? Then we go, well, I I don't know how it works. I do. Big book gave me a set of precise, specific, clear cut instructions on how to recover from a hopeless condition of body and mind, and it's very clear about how that process develops. So I want to, read a couple of quotes, from, one of my meditation books.

This is called 365 Dow, a book of, daily meditations, and first one is called practice. Says, spiritual success is gained by daily cultivation. If you practice for the day, you have won. If you were lazy for the day, then you have lost. Self cultivation is the heart of spiritual attainment.

Gaining insight and ability is not a matter of grand statements, dramatic initiations, or sporadic moments of enlightenment. Those things are only highlights in a life of consistent activity. Whatever system of spirituality you practice, do it every day. If it's prayer, then pray every day. If it's meditation, then meditate every day.

If it's exercise, then exercise every day. Only then will you be able to say that you are truly practicing spirituality. This methodical approach is reassuring in several ways. 1st, it provides you with a process and a means to maintain progress even if that particular day is not inspiring or significant. Just to practice is already good.

2nd, it gives you a certain faith. If you practice every day, it is inevitable that you will gain from it. Thirdly, constant practice gives you a certain satisfaction. How can you say to yourself you have truly entered a spiritual path unless you can look back on years of daily practice and take comfort in the momentum that it has given you? And, of course, our big book, when it talks to me about the 10th, 11th step, reinforces that idea.

And, I told some of you last night that, I planned on doing, what it asked me to do in the chapter working with others. I was hoping to disturb some of you about the question of alcoholism. And I asked you to look at some things. I ask you to what you were doing with the disciplines of the 10th 11th step. This idea of the things I need to do to stay in fit spiritual condition.

I challenge you with the idea that my body can't live off the food I ate 2 weeks ago, and if you're trying to stay sober off an old experience, that won't work. You may find yourself in a very unexpected place called a bar or at some doctor's office getting Vicodin. Why? Because you're not in fit, spiritual condition. Why?

Because you're not doing the very thing that got you to where you're at. So I challenge some of you, take a look. Do you have a daily prayer and meditation life? Then I then I I posed another question to you because the actions I take or don't take are always based on what? My belief systems.

So if you're not working with the disciplines of 1011, if you've gotten away from doing evening review, if you don't have a prayer and meditation life, both, what's the belief system behind that? Pardon me? Well, yeah, playing god. I don't need to do that. Stay sober.

Really. 1st step. 1 third of the big books devoted to look at your 1st step experience. And there's 3 words. Again, these are words we don't talk about in our meetings that are very, very important around this idea of the mental obsession.

First 33 pages, doctor's opinion up to page 23 are designed to look at one thing. When I take a drink, do I lose power, choice, and control over how much? That's not a rocket scientist question. You just have to go into your experience. If your drug of no choice is something another alcohol such as cocaine or pills or whatever, you're gonna ask yourself the same question.

If I snort that line of cocaine, do I have power choice control over how much? And you only can answer that experientially. And if the answer is no, then you're powerless once it's in your body. Correct? Not hard to work with.

Pages 23 to 43 talk about what we talk about in the rooms about this idea of I have a mental obsession. Here's another way to look at that, is I will commit the most insane act of my life, stone cold sober. What do I mean by that? See, I could trick you. I could may I could ask you all to give me a list of the 10 most insane things you've ever done, and I promise you that everything you write in the list would be under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Am I right? Well, if you're like me, if when you take a drink or if when you do drugs, you lose power, choice, control over how much, then once you're separated from alcohol and drugs, the most insane thing that you could ever do and you're gonna do it stone cold sober is your mind's gonna tell you to drink or do dope again, and you're gonna act on that. How do you help somebody who commits the most insane act of their life stone cold sober? I work with chronic relapses all the time, and one of my first questions is, do you think you're involved with your relapse? You know what they always tell me?

Oh, yeah. Really? If I was involved with my relapse, you would have another speaker. That means I have the power to choose whether I drink or not drink. I don't.

The drink chooses me regardless of circumstance, consequence, whatever. Right? But in those pages 23 to 43, there's these three little words they stick in there. At certain times, Mark will have no effective middle defense against the first drink at certain time. It doesn't mean every time, does it?

How about the day that you choose you choose to not do the dispense of 10 or 11? What if it's that day? See, if you're not as far as I can tell, if you believe this book, if you've had the experience I had and you believe this book, and the only reason you're staying sober is fit spiritual condition, then if you're not working with the disciplines of 10 or 11, then you have a belief system. You know what the day looks like when your mind's gonna take you back to a drink. Would you agree with that?

See? This program for me, I one of the things I finally had to get very clear on, it's about a lot more than god. There's a lot of action in here. Lots of action. I my experience is I've gotta set the alarm clock to get up in the morning.

Right? There's this whole thing of what's the most important relationship in your life. Right? And people lie to me and say, god. And I go, really?

How much time did you give god this morning? Oh, about 5 minutes. See? Am I willing to get up early to set aside time, get a little uncomfortable? Got a new mantra I'm working with this year.

I'm here to build character instead of seek comfort. Sought comfort a lot of my life. My willing to build character. I get up between 4 and 4:15, Monday through Friday. Why?

Because my life schedule is such I need to get up then to have an hour with this power, with this god, in prayer and meditation, doing what the big book says. Because here's what I have seen over time. The men and women who were my teachers and mentors and who worked out the big book all die sober, what I've noticed about them is they're doing this stuff right up to the day they die, and I mean all of it. They're not just drinking, going to meetings, living off an old experience. They're doing the deal.

They're writing current inventory. They're working with prayer. They're working with meditation. They're doing written evening review. Wow.

But at certain times, I'll have no effective middle defense against the first drink. If I live my life as though I know that, do I even know what it means to be in fit spiritual condition? That's another great question, isn't it? Right? First step, illness of the body and mind.

No human power. Once more, the alcoholic, the drug addict, at certain times, has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Is that your experience? It was my experience. My first step experience, the first half of the first step turned me into a seeker of power and ended the great debate.

If you're like me, if every form of human aid did not work to keep you away from a drink, and if your experience is you'll commit the most insane act your life sober, you better find some power. I tell people I'm Norwegian and Alki, but I'm not an idiot. My experience showed me I needed a relationship with a power greater than myself, and quite frankly, I didn't care what you called it. I tell people this. You have a first step experience.

You're willing to get dip dunk sprayed neutered to find god. You understand that? Steps 2 through 12 are not about 2 through 12, ladies and gentlemen. They're about your need for power. If you need power, 2 through 12 is like kissing a baby's butt compared to what whiskey look what whiskey ask of you.

You break the hearts of every human being whoever means anything to you. If you're a parent, you're a lousy one. When you take the drink or if you're dying of untreated alcoholism, you're a miserable employee. The list goes on and on and on and on. Then you come in the rooms, and we say, well, if you want what we have, you're gonna have to do a few things.

Like, go through the book, work the steps. You're gonna have to write inventory, 3 of them. That's really the first time the book does something that move you into a form of action other than look at some considerations. Right? But you're gonna read these inventories, and you're gonna make a list of defects.

You're gonna take those to god, then you gotta make a list of all the people you've harmed, gotta pay all the money back. I was going over this one time with a guy. He looks at me. He goes, god, Mark. I just wanna not drink.

Right? Then you gotta work with the disciplines of 10, 11, then you gotta work with others. Now think of what booze does to you. It does to you the same thing to me. We hear what we gotta do when we come in the rooms and go, well, that sounds like a bit much.

Really? See, how do you help somebody like that? See, a big book says dying alcoholic death or living a spiritual basis, and the guy looks at you and he goes, could you tell me what die and alcoholic death looks like? Right? I tell this to the guys at my recovery center all the time.

Alcoholics are the only people in the world that will come to you asking for help, and you'll give them some idea what they gotta do, and they'll kick you in the nuts in appreciation because they don't like what you said. Then we wonder why we're so hard to help. Right? First step. That's why I go back and revisit my first step every year.

My first step is what keeps me in the rooms. My first step is what keeps you riding inventory. My first step is what's keep me working with the disciplines of 1011. My first step is what keeps me sponsoring men, these whiners, moaners. You you know how you know how new.

I always got 1 or 2 new, needy, needy, needy, clingy. See? Who's gonna do that unless you unless you need to do that to live? To do to live. To live.

See? I go around the country a lot. A lot of groups, they sell chips. Right? You guys have chips?

You start looking around, the number of chips picked up from 10 years on up. You start looking at 20. You start looking at 30, and it's nonexistent. Where do you think these people go? You think they just go to church?

I don't think so. My truth is very few people ever get sober and die sober. You lose that first step connection, your connection with what is wrong with you. Right? And over time, it's a subtle thing.

You start just going to a little less meetings. You used to sponsor a bunch of guys. Now you're sponsoring 1. It's very subtle. Then you're not calling your sponsors much.

Then you wake up one day and you're out. Now you're up against yourself, and you can't get back in again. I tell the guys I work with, this AA is not for sprinters. It's for marathon runners. I know all kinds of sprinters.

You know, they 6 months on fire. Boom. I'll say, yeah. Well, just keep coming back. Right?

It's for marathon runners, one day at a time. But no quick fixes. See? Am I willing to do that? Am I willing to do that process?

I wanna, read one more reading, and then I'm gonna move into the 4th step. I don't know whether any of you in here struggling on the on the God issue. Any of you struggling with the God issue, raise your hands. 1 person, 2 people. Rest of you are liars.

How do you not struggle in the god? We're talking about god. You know? Give me a break. We all got god issues.

It's called donkey. One of my favorite, favorite readings says, dismount your donkey at the summit. Some places in this world are very hard to climb, and people will use animals. Each person can only ride 1, and each animal might have a different name. The riders go up the trail in different orders, and they will discuss their varying opinions about their experiences.

They may even have conflicting opinions. One traveler may think the trip thrilling, another may found it terrifying, and a third may find it boring. At the summit, all the travelers stand in the same place. Each of them has the same chance to view the same vista. The donkeys are put to rest and they graze.

They are not needed anymore. We all travel the path to god. The donkeys are the various doctrines that each of us embraces. What does it matter which doctrine we embrace as long as it leads us to the summit? Your donkey might be a zen donkey.

Mine might be a DOW donkey. There's the AA donkey, the CA donkey, the back to basics donkey, the big book thumper donkey. There's Christian, Islamic, Jewish, and even agnostic donkeys. All donkeys lead to the same place. Why poke fun at others over the name of their donkey?

Aren't you riding 1 yourself? We should put aside both the donkeys and our interim experiences once we arise at the summit. Whether we climb the suffering or joy is immaterial, we are there. All religions have different names for the ways of getting to the holy summit. Once we reach the summit, we no longer need names.

We experience all things directly. Well, that says a lot, doesn't it? So I'm gonna talk about the AA Donkey. It was the AA donkey that got me to the summit. Now once you get to summit, it doesn't matter how people what donkey to get some up there and, really, even within the rooms of AA.

I've always, loved that visualization, though, particularly when I watch people when they start debating this God issue. Right? And I've just often thought about that of you got a Christian donkey and you got a Buddhist donkey and a Zen donkey and an agnostic donkey and an A and we're going up and there's this incredible view and all we're doing is arguing about, well, the spots in my dog here are much nicer than the spots on yours. No. They're not.

Right? We missed the whole view. I only have one question for anybody about your donkey. Is it getting you to the summit? If not, you might wanna trade the son of a bitch in.

Find one that gets you there. Get a donkey that gets you to the summit you can dismount, then the fuse is the same for everybody. I found my donkey right here, right in the pages of this book, particularly 30 pages of action that I had to take starting with the 4 step up to the 9th step and then a set of disciplines on a daily basis, and it took me to the summit. And I had a revolutionary spiritual experience, and I am a recovered alcoholic and cocaine addict. I am not recovering.

I have recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body exactly as my big book promised to me I would starting on the title page. The story about many thousands of men and women have recovered. I claim that. Get it concordias. See how many times a big book used the word recovery.

That false humility, I'll always be recovering. That is inconsistent with the book. You don't have to believe me. Read your book. Right?

By the way, only disclaimer I ever give, if I say anything that you cannot reconcile with the big book, I'm wrong, but do not let anybody read your big book for you. It's full of promises starting on the on the on the very opening page of that book all the way through to the end. Says we have recovered and given the power to help others. I'm not making that up. Right?

We talked about some of the other incredible promises. There's promises in every step. There's 3rd step promises, the 5th step promises. There's some of the most powerful ones in the whole book. The 9 step promise.

See, I don't know about you, but it but, you know, if you're new, there's a couple people that are new sitting in here tonight. Is there is there any promise I can hook on to prior to the 9th step? Yeah. All kinds of them. All kinds.

Starting on the title page. You can recover from a hopeless state of mind and body in the forward, the first edition. All kinds of promises. What a wonderful thing. 10 step promises.

We don't talk about those. Y'all know what those are, don't you? Things like we've ceased fighting, anything or any bud. Wow. Things like we've been placed in a position of neutrality.

We are safe and protected. Wow. Things like you have a new 6th sense. Those are all 10 step promises. We don't talk about those.

You wanna have fun sometime? I don't know about you, but when alcohol worked, all the 9 step promises behind alcohol worked too. Take the 9 step promises when alcohol worked and read them. Now try and read the 10 step promises when alcohol was working. You can't do it.

It's very interesting. 10 step, though. I enter the world of the spirit. I, in particular, tonight, wanna move into we went up to the 3rd step last night, and, I want to talk about the 4th step. I'm big on inventory, writing inventory, pen and paper.

A lot more happens between pen and paper than mind and mouth. I'll say that again. Lot more happens between pen and paper than mind and mouth. I watch particularly people get time. Craig, we went through this recently.

He was in a situation, and he called me. And there was the ex husband was making the call. My pal, Craig, was nonexistent. The reason I knew that wasn't even high. It's just, I gotta talk.

You know? You hold phone out to here. I hope you're sitting alongside the freeway instead of driving. No. I'm driving.

When you get back to Austin, I want you to take a pen to paper, and I want you to write some inventory, and I'm not gonna talk about this again until you do. He called me 2 more times trying to get me to talk about it because that's an easier soft way. Somehow I'll talk about it. I'll make it go away. It doesn't go away.

It just simmers, then something else happens. Boom. Comes up again. 4 step is not about recreating yourself in your own image. 4 step is about facing be rid of that which has you blocked from power.

The 4 step is where you get entirely rid of self. That's why it's such a powerful tool. Take pen to paper. So we talked last night, about the third step, and I wanna reiterate where the book really starts telling me what's wrong with me. And I've always thought they were very cruel when they introduced this to me because it really starts to take place on page 62 of the book.

Right? And then you have the 10 pages in the doc's opinion. Now that's 72 pages of information before they fart finally start telling you you and I what's wrong with this, and the word alcohol or drugs is not in there. Now that's cruel. That's not right.

Why couldn't they have done that in the beginning? See, I thought when I came in the rooms and said alcoholics anonymous, this was about me not drinking out. I because I thought my problem is alcohol. 72 pages in the book, they say no. Selfishness, self centeredness is the root of your troubles.

I thought it was vodka, Jack Daniels, cocaine. Right? And then it describes how you and I live our life when we're selfish and self centered. We go through life being driven. If you have not looked that word, look the word driven up, and you will find the word driven implies you have no choice.

Here's how it looks for me when I'm into self will. Limbo pulls up in front of my house. I go out and get in. The driver turns around. He says, hi, Mark.

My name's Fear, and I'm gonna drive your ass today. And he does all day long. The next day, it's self delusion. The next day, it's self seeking. The next day, it's self pity, But I'm being driven.

Why? Because I'm into self will. I'm into me. Choice choice has nothing to do with it when you're being driven. By the way, there's nothing worse than sitting in the rooms of AA sober for a while, thinking you're choosing the course of action that you take on a daily basis.

I'll tell you what woke me up to the fact that maybe I wasn't choosing, maybe I was being driven is I looked at courses of action I begin to take in sobriety that were not in my highest good. And it occurred to me, I'm too intelligent to choose that course of action, That maybe I better start looking at the idea I was being driven with no choice. Right? So that's something for you to think about. So driven by a 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, self pity.

Now I want you to think about inventory as I cover this with you. Wait. Let me ask this question. How many of you have written inventory, say, in the last 4 months? K.

So driven by a 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, and self pity, I step on the toes of my fellows, column 1 of your inventory resentment inventory. They retaliate, column 2, why you're angry. Sometimes they hurt me. 3rd column, how do you affect you? See me without provocation.

I didn't do anything. But I it says we invariably find invariably means every time. We invariably find that sometime in the past, we have made decisions based on self, 3rd column, which later placed me in a position to be hurt. If that is true, every single time I've ever write in it written inventory, I should be able to go back and see that at some point in time, I made decisions based on self, which placed me in a position to be heard. Now sometimes that means going back 10 to 15 to 20 years, but my experience is this is true.

Then the book goes on and talks about some of my troubles are of my own making, your 4th column. Think about this. It's Groundhog Day stuff. If you're in self will, you're gonna go through life being driven by what? A 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, self pity.

You get up in the morning, the voices talk. Let's go. Gotta go to work. Gotta sell. Gotta get to do.

Whatever. Gotta arrange all these people to fit you. You know? Gotta so you begin this course of action. Your course of action conflicts with theirs, and some of them get upset with you.

And they do what the book says, they retaliate, And then your feelings are hurt. Then you bring that crap into my meetings instead of right inventory on it. No. But that's what happens, and that happens long enough and then you you and I start to get diseased. And then one day, the voice says, at certain time, Mark, I know what would treat that.

It's a drink or a drug or a line. And if I'm not in fit spirits condition, I'll act on that, commit the most insane act of my life, sober. So all my troubles are of my own making. And Took goes on to say, my troubles arise out of me, and I am an extreme example of software and riot, though I do not think so. Now the book gets a little more serious about our dilemma.

Above everything, we, alcoholics, must be rid of the selfishness we muster. It kills us. See, if you're not working this is my experience. If you're not working with daily disciplines of 10 or 11, your selfishness is growing and growing and growing. You cannot defeat your ego.

See, I don't care how long you're sober. You cannot defeat your ego. It will take the best of us. That's the whole purpose of the disciplines of 10 or 11, is to wake yourself up to your selfishness. All that happens when you get sober over a longer period at 9, your stage characters change.

That's all that happens. They get nicer and kinder, more spiritual, more evolved, but there there's it's still all tricks of the ego. That's all. They just change. They're craftier.

Get kinder. Right? But you can't you can't defeat the ego. You see? So it's interesting.

We must get rid of this selfish. We muster. It kills us, and, of course, god's name is in the next sentence, and we our name is not. My self will cannot eliminate my self will, which is why all the self help books in the world don't help people like us. I'm okay.

You're okay, and the cat's okay. Doesn't work. What works for me is I'm an ass, you're an ass, and I'm okay with that. See? That kind of stuff doesn't work for me.

I've tried it. I have. I really have. I've tried to self will myself into being a nice person. It doesn't work.

It goes against my very nature. Right? Book the big big book earlier talked about that. It talks about even when Mark's motives are kind, he is selfish and self centered. Watch out.

Right? That's why I told you the other night. Now it's nice alky scare me because I know better. See? Thank god we were given the AA donkey.

It allows us to function in the world. See? They they send us they give us our own tribe. We gotta meet, see, only with each other, and other people don't understand this. Now it goes on and says there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without god's aid.

I told you this last night. That sentence tells me that if I'm willing to continue to do some things in this book, I can be entirely rid of self. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but on any given day, I get real tired of Mark. You know what I'm saying? See?

Can you imagine that? Entirely rid of self. See, Craig came up to you one day, and he says, I wanna become enlightened. And I said, well, I'm sorry to hear that. And he said, why?

I said, because the part of you that wants to get enlightened, if it happens, you will not be around to recognize it. He said, well, I don't wanna be enlightened if I can't recognize it. Right? I can be entirely rid of self with god's aid. How does that happen?

The steps, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, make amends, discipline 10, 11. Do it again. Do it again. Do it again. Tiredly rid of self.

Amazing. Amazing process. Then it goes on and talks about you and I have this moral and philosophical convictions galore. You know, I'm gonna be a neat guy, pay taxes, honor my relationships, be a man of integrity. Wanna work out 6 days a week, get buff, you know, quit all bad vices, eat nothing but nutritious food.

How's that working for you? Not good. See? You know? Gonna buy 14 books as I'm trying to do all this, and then I turn around, give him the next alky who's gonna try that because they don't work for me and you know?

So I see that this is me. I can't live up to it even though I would like to, neither can I reduce my self centeredness by wishing or trying on my own power? See, here's where I'm up against when I when I look at this second and third step and move into the 4th. My own power versus do I need god's power. That's what I'm that's where the rub is.

I had to have god's help. Do I? Yeah. Yeah. So this is then the book said this is how you're gonna get god's help.

Earlier on, the book told you and I where we're gonna find god deep down within. Matter of fact, it says in the final analysis, that's the only place that we'll find God. Tell the men that I that I work with that this is a neat deal. The very power I need dwells within me, but I'm blocked from it. Call it a jewel.

Call it whatever. But it exists within, and I'm blocked. 4 through 9 will remove that. And the very power that I need to change and transform my life, I don't have to go anywhere. I can find it in Cabo, Austin, Texas, anywhere.

What a wonderful, incredible thing If I'm willing to just take a course of action. See, I don't know about the rest of you, but that was like a cheats and chong moment. I had this idea somehow I had to go somewhere to experience god and that god was out there. The idea that I'm gonna have this experience internally was a whole new concept for me. Right?

So here's how I'm gonna get god's help. I gotta quit playing god. I gave some of you an assignment if you want to try it last night. Make a list of your areas currently in your life in which you like to play god. Any of you do that, by the way?

Seriously, that that's a great exercise. Did you do that? Good. In your head? It's kinda funny, isn't it?

Seriously. See, the reason I I wanted to throw this out to you, I don't think you're much different than me. I think most of you have a whole bunch of areas you wanna play god in. You've just been sober long enough to pretend you ain't got that going on. See?

That makes sense? You understand what I just said to you? Remember, you get craftier. See, the toolkit of self will, the longer you're sober, it's just craftier. That's all.

You'll use kindness. Let me get that for you. Right? Still a toolkit is self will, But it talks about the reason you and I are gonna quit playing god is because yet me playing god doesn't work. Do I believe that?

Do I believe that? Yeah. Yes. Every time I go back and look at this, where am I playing god? And do I believe that me playing god doesn't work?

Yes. Why is that important? Because somewhere in here, there must be a collapse of the self. The a collapse to the point to understand that you're part of a greater whole, and you don't have a clue about any of it. How long people are supposed to be here, how long they're supposed to live, you name it, where you live, all of it.

It's that kind of a collapse. You understand? That kind of a collapse where you become a part of a plan. See? You're gonna quit playing god.

What does that mean for me? Means where I live, who's in my life, who's not, where where what I do for a living, all of it all of it is in the hands of someone else. The only thing I worry about is what's within my control. What do I mean by that? This morning, what time I got up, setting the alarm clock, doing the disciplines of the 10th and 11th step this morning.

If I want to work out today, I could do that. If I want to eat right today, I could do that. All kinds. That's what's within my domain. The rest of it is not.

It just isn't. I'm along for the ride. See, I kinda like living in Denver, Colorado. If I didn't see it, I'd never got to Texas. I've been in Texas since 1991.

My resistance, the way I wound up there, was I wound up going there through a nuthouse. Don't resist this thing. God wants you in Texas, you're going to Texas. See, I didn't know for the longest time why the book warned you and I we make this 3rd step decision. See, people rub up against this 3rd step and they say this 3rd step prayer in which you say to god, god, I offer myself to thee to build with me and you do with me as thou will.

I'm a go back to my episode in Texas. I had 3 job offers to come to Texas the 2 years prior to go into the psych hospital. I turned them all down. Why? Because I didn't want to go to Texas.

God said, look. That worked for you down here, boy. Gonna get we're gonna try it this way. You're gonna get a nice job offer. They're willing to move you down.

All kinds of stuff. No. Thank you. I like it here. Okay.

We're gonna try it again. Right? We try another offer. Nah. I got it.

I got it. Okay. Cool. You gave your life to me. It's a good thing you did.

You weren't doing too well. I got work for you in Texas. Now we're gonna do it my way. You're gonna be really depressed to the point where you can't work, you can't leave your apartment, and you're gonna get really uncomfortable. I'm a leave you in the desert for a while.

You wanna stay in the winter? You go right ahead. Have a good day. And I rode out the desert experience. Then through a series of events, I wound up in Texas, got some water back in my diet again.

I said, when I got released from that place, I made an agreement. God, I'm gonna try and pay a little bit more attention next time when you want me going somewhere. Matter of fact, I'm just gonna travel light for a while. See? That's exactly what happened.

I was in Houston, Texas for a while and then Kerrville, Texas and then Austin, Texas, then Dallas, Texas. Now I'm back in Austin. Now I will tell you this, and all the time I've been sober, I feel like I can sink roots. First time. I know what it's like to get sent out.

See, we say this 3rd step prayer, then we forget what we said, because we think they're just words. They're just little words. Right? See? Some of you I I know some of you are going through some suffering.

I want you to understand what you said to that which created everything. I offer myself to thee to build with me and you do with me as you want. And then that power does that, you whine. It doesn't work that way. See?

See, somewhere in there, what I had to learn along the way was I had to have faith and courage, and I had to look at myself like a child, a little 2, 3 year old child. You know, I I have a tendency you play with sharp knives. Right? Parent takes it away. What's the child do?

Child gets upset. Parents take it away for the child's own benefit. Right? See, that's what I've had to look at in terms of me and this relationship with god, and that's just the way I am. I whine a lot when the knife the shiny object gets taken away from me.

You stay sober long enough, you start to understand why that happens. So we say the 3rd step prayer, and then off of that prayer, now we're gonna launch into inventory. And I wanna talk, about Resembina inventory. They use some great words, personal housecleaning, though my 3rd step decision was a vital and crucial step, it by the way, my experience is when you go through the big book and the book uses the word it, always know what it means because it does that a lot, but know what it means. Though my 3rd step decision was vital and crucial, it will have little permanent effect.

What do you think they meant there? You don't think they meant permanent effect, do you? Yeah. They meant permanent effect. A permanent effect.

I've never drank since the time I did this. I have experienced a permanent effect. Why? Because I was willing to do the rest of the work. Relapse is not complex.

It is not. There's a set of precise, specific, clear cut instructions, and the book says if you're willing to do them, you cannot fail. The only people I've seen that could not maintain permanent sobriety were the ones who would not submit to this process. I don't know if there's such a thing as reincarnation. If there is, I must not have been a nice guy in the last lifetime.

And the reason I say that is I normally only get to sponsor chronic relapses. Their 4 favorite words are I know and yes, but. They know more about the big book than I ever thought of, and they like to point that out to me, but they can't stay sober. Finally, they come to me, and it's it's not complex. And it's not because of stuff that happened to him as a child.

It's because he'd never been willing to surrender one day at a time and go through this process and gain access to power and then keep doing that. Most of them don't wanna work with other people. They're too selfish. But I don't find relapse to be any big secret, whatsoever. So let's go on and look at some of our instructions around the 4 step.

Here's what this is. I'm gonna this is gonna be a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of the things inside me which have been blocking me from what? Power. The power I need. That's the only reason I write inventory, ladies and gentlemen.

There is no other reason. I need access to power, and I'm blocked from it. Here's where the book starts to tell you and I that my liquor or my drugs is but a symptom. When you go to a doctor, what does the doctor do? He asks you a series of questions if you're not feeling well.

Correct? What do you report to him? Symptoms. Does he treat the symptoms or the problem? The simp he really treats the problem.