The 4 Seasons Workshop at the 1st NM Indian AA Convention in Albuquerque, NM

My name is Don Coyas, and I'm from the Mohican Nation.

And I'm from the coyote clan on my father's side

and the turtle clan on my mother's side.

And in our culture, whenever you introduce yourself,

that's who you're supposed to say.

Always tie yourself to your people.

But my name is Don C.

I'm an alcoholic.

And so I'm really, really honored to be here

and to talk about some of things,

some experiences about the...

about the steps.

And maybe I'll tell you this joke I heard the other day first.

I was told up in South Dakota by the reservation there,

there's this one road that travels, they said,

right along the border on a reservation.

It's just white land on one side, reservation land on the other side.

And they say there's a little town there,

and when the cars come through there, they have to slow down for that town.

So when a car slow down and those dogs start chasing those cars.

So on one side that road, Indian dogs, that's where they stay.

And the other side I rode this is white dogs.

And so when his cars slow down like that,

They said, uh, those Indian dogs, when they go chase that car, they go, you know,

and they just bark like that, you know, and the car goes behind.

But on the other side of the road where the swight dogs are, when they taste that car, they go,

bow wow, bow, wow, bow, wow.

So then after a little while, they were chased these cars and these Indian dogs, you know,

these other dogs, bawa, bawa, bawa, bawa.

So finally, there's white dogs, they come to this Indian dogs, and they said, you know,

what are you Indian dogs doing?

They say, you make so much noise and stuff now.

Indian dogs, they said, well, that's just the way Indians are.

When we do something, it's all out, you know.

That's why we do that.

So there's white dogs, they said, that's not how you're supposed to be.

He said, you're supposed to go bawa, bawa, bawa, bau, bau.

And there's Indian dogs, well, I don't know.

So the white dogs, they kept talking, finally, Indian dogs.

They said, well, we'll try that.

So they went back to that place, and they were waiting there for a long time,

and priest didn't his car come along.

And, um...

slowed down like that so all they went behind that car so the Indian dogs you know they was

going bow wow bow wow bow wow bow wow and when that car took off this dog Indian dogs

they stopped and they looked at one another and they went eh

yeah so we'll do that with bow wow bow wow way

Can't you see those dogs doing it?

Yeah.

When you look at the 12 steps,

I think right now is a very strong time in Indian communities.

And I think contrary to how we look at or have looked at things,

I think there's a great healing starting to occur among our people.

And in 1991...

We met with some elders from the four directions.

So we had about 40 elders.

They were from North tribes, East tribes, South tribes, West tribes.

And so we bought these elders together,

and what we asked them to do is to spend some time with us,

just talking to us about things.

And so in that four-day conference,

They talked to us about the earth and about the environment,

but they talked to us about communities, about being Indian men,

about being Indian women, things like that, about relationships.

They talked about sex, about raising children, everything for four days.

And one of the things that I did talk to us about the,

they told us some things about prophecies.

And I think for us, the prophecies is very important.

They have been told, you know, stories told on over the years.

And there's a prophecy, they said that the Indian people, they said,

would spend a long time in a real cold winter time of life,

a real tough time, time of turmoil and confusion.

And there's a prophecy, it said that when the sun would get blocked in the seventh moon,

that would be significant that the wintertime is over.

That period of time would be over.

And then we as Indian people, we had entered into a new springtime, a new time for us as people.

And if you remember, maybe in that July of 1991, there was a big solar eclipse.

So we had just accidentally met just about a week and a half after that solar eclipse.

So we didn't know these things until they told us that.

So they said that that eclipse was very significant in that that meant we are now entering a new time.

There's a new time for us as Indian people.

Then they went on the say, they said for that next 12 moons,

they said that a great stirring, the creator was going to cause a great stirring to take place.

He was going to stir it up.

In that time of that great stirring, he said the elders, they said that...

There is going to be gifts is going to be given out to the people that we have not used before.

And they said that during this time of the stirring,

there was going to be a selection of people to help heal all the communities, all nations.

So they said that for the next 12 moons, they said that these people selected,

they would go through a real mixed up time for themselves.

And...

like a real evaluation time kind of, that they would,

even that they would think that they were crazy.

Like they might have their jobs and be in place, doing, you know,

have everything in order, but then all of a sudden,

you know how you've got your rug of life

and you have your careers and cars and everything, you know.

They said it would be like for certain people

that he would come and something would grab the edge of that rug

and it was just kind of upset everything.

So you'd think...

You were crazy, really mixed up.

And they said that those people selected that they would go through a real personal time.

Like they would have to go through a healing time, that they would need to...

Even their secrets couldn't stay secrets no more.

They said they would all surface.

They would come up.

They would arise.

And then they said that these healers, they would...

they would know something was going on.

You know how sometimes you have like this urge?

You just kind of know.

You just kind of know you got to go do something.

Like in our tribe, there's these teachings called Teachings of the Warrior.

And what it says is that everybody is a warrior.

That's not like a battle name on television.

That's a spiritual being name.

And in that teachings, it says that every warrior has a song written in their heart,

and that song must be sung.

before you die or your soul forever remains restless.

And that sometimes we have to go through life school like that.

That doesn't mean just like high school or university.

It means life school.

And many of us know about that darn life school.

Pretty tough roads.

And at the time we think that that's all bad.

But maybe we are just have to do that

because now we got other things to do.

We need that experience.

Now we have to go back and help the people, but we'd never be believable unless we went and tested that all those things that we needed to learn.

And so they said that what would happen is that a great healing would start to occur among our people.

And they said a long time ago, they said the creator came to a place called Turtle Island.

And he said to the people, I'm going to divide you into four directions, he said, to a red direction, yellow direction, black direction, and a white direction.

And he said to each of those directions, I'm going to give you each a certain accountability.

There's some things you have to know.

And so to the red direction, he said, to you, you are the keepers of the earth.

That you have to go through the cycles of time and learn all the things about the earth, about land and about plants.

and about how everything is connected.

And you're going to be given that knowledge through those times

because a day will come when you have to come and tell about people,

those things that you know.

Into the yellow direction or the yellow race,

he made them to be keepers of the air.

So they were to learn about breathing and about breath and all of that.

And to the black direction, he gave them the responsibility

to be keepers of the sacred water.

They were to learn all those things about the water.

Into the wide direction he said, you are the keepers of the fire.

So sometimes in that direction we think about like the light bulb.

You know, those guys, they know, everything they do is got like the car,

the combustion engines, got like that firepower in the middle.

And they said that what the creator said was that the day would come,

call it the coming together time, that when the springtime would arrive,

then we would all need to come together, sit in a circle.

and that we would need to start share this knowledge and this wisdom that each one has

because everybody is going to know something about this this healing part everybody has a part in that

and uh we white bison we work in a lot of different native communities around the country

and we are starting to see wherever we go we are seeing that the healing is starting to occur among our people

there's even people coming home um by uh

You know that they get discontent where they are and they come in home to help and make a difference.

We're seeing it all over the place that these circles are starting together.

So I just thought I would just share a little bit about that because I think that when they have like a first conference,

Red Road conference, that's very, very significant because that's a gathering of these circles is what's going to go.

and that we don't need to be so concerned about numbers,

but who is supposed to be here is exactly who is supposed to be here.

And that this is good.

Get it going, get a seed going, do it again, do it again,

and make a place for the native people to come.

So is there any questions on these prophecies?

But it's a very good time for us in terms of these prophecies.

Also, then what we'd like to talk about is a little bit about the steps.

When I come into AA, my sobriety birthday is August 10th, 1978.

And I had a hard time coming into AA at first.

It didn't make no sense to me, but I kept coming back and going drinking again.

And coming back and going drinking again.

And...

Finally, I guess I drank what I was supposed to drink, you know.

And I guess it's because of alcohol, I kept coming back.

It wasn't for anything else.

But on my journey to get here, I lost, like some others, everything.

I lost family, respect.

All of those things went.

But it always had a hard time, you know, even like with a big book.

I had to, they say the instructions are in that book and I would look for this instructions and

I couldn't ever, you know, ever see them. I couldn't figure out, you know, what they were talking about.

So I managed to get a sponsor and that sponsor help a lot. And so as I got sober for a couple years and I happened to, um,

Even though I was sober for a couple years, I always felt something was missing.

There was just something not right.

But then I was kind of used to that anyway, so it wasn't like it was a surprise.

So then as things progressed, I happened to run into one of our elders who also is in recovery.

And it was then he said...

you have to go back to the culture.

He says, you never know who you are unless you go back to that culture.

Because I had left it, even though I was raised by my grandfather and stuff.

And it was done in a good way.

So then I went back there and started to look at the culture.

Then I started to see that the program in the steps,

the culture in the program, it was kind of the same thing, but just said different ways.

And I'll just make this remark because, and maybe someday I'll change my mind, but, you know,

I'll just say kind of what I see right now, and not everybody agrees with this, but that's

okay too.

But when I look at myself as an Indian person in recovery and then talking to some other people,

What I found out was, and I'm saying this with the highest respect that I can say,

I always respect the AA.

It's the best program for the alcoholics that's on the whole earth.

But one of the things, I think there's a thing in a big book it talks about

that sometimes maybe the creator will reveal more when we're ready.

So one thing I like about that big book, it doesn't say you have to do nothing.

I guess that's why it was attractive to me, because I didn't like have to, but it suggested steps.

And it's got a real good way of not saying certain things, you know, like at first.

But in a way, what I found out was when you look at the design of the, how the program got designed and everything,

It was kind of designed by like white class, white middle class males.

And I'm saying this with respect, I want to say that,

but like when I come to meetings or they say work these steps,

in my mind wasn't the things I couldn't hook into what they were saying a lot of times,

you know, about Titanic's and all this other stuff.

I had a hard time looking at that.

And so what I started to see was that when you add some of the culture to it,

then all of a sudden it would start to make more sense to me.

So it's the same thing about looking at it kind of a different way.

I think sometimes I see women struggle because a lot of the steps is written like about

power and ego and, you know, really strong control things.

And like where I was raised, I wasn't raised to think like a lot of that way.

So when I was looking at unmanageability and stuff,

You know, I couldn't quite grasp that.

So what we want to share today is maybe just a combination of all of that stuff,

my experiences with that,

and maybe looking at it from an Indian way, to look at it that way.

So one of the things I found is when we look at the steps,

in the, kind of how Indian people look at things is in a circle.

We know that the Creator made a way.

And everything, they say, travels in a circle.

The earth is round, the sun goes around, the moon goes around.

You have seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter.

You have cycle of life, baby, youth, adult, elder.

Everything goes in a circle.

So when we started to look at the steps in using that circle,

what we found out, that you could do the same thing,

but do it just in a different way.

So it's just like the circle, it's sort of like looking at the earth.

The sun rises in the east, it sets in the west.

Then there's that when the sun is up during the day, that's the growing time.

And then in the north is like the winter, where old man winter in the wisdom is.

So as we started to look at this, we found out if we put steps one, two, and three in the east,

that is like the direction of the sun.

Then those steps, that direction when you face that, that new light, you know, new life.

Well, to that direction, that is about finding God or the Creator or Great Spirit, higher

power.

So that's steps one, two, and three is in the East, and that's about finding a relationship

with the Creator.

Then steps four, five, and six, that's in the South.

And that's a direction about finding relationship with yourself.

So then even like we found, as we share a little bit later, when we work the steps, when

you do that work on them, you face that way.

You work steps one, two and three.

Whenever you set at the table or wherever you are,

you face in the east.

Because there's powers that we all know come from that.

Then when you turn to the south,

that steps four, five, and six,

that's about finding yourself,

a relationship with you, that inventory steps.

And then step seven, eight, nine, that is in the west.

That's that forgiveness direction,

like the sun going over the horizon, the letting go.

that direction and that is about finding a relationship with others

that's where you establish a relationship with your brothers and sisters

and then steps 10, 11 and 12

that's in the north and that's that direction of the elders

Like that's where the wisdom in that direction comes.

So we started to see that when we looked at that going in a circle,

then you'd see it's not like a straight line,

you know, where you go down a page and then you say, well, what?

And I think the other thing that used to baffle me at first,

when I got a sponsor and I got in the steps, you know, it was,

it's like they just say, the steps are in order.

See, do step one.

Well, what is these other things?

Don't worry about that.

Do step one.

You don't know.

You know, go to meetings, do all that, and they'd listen.

And so I always look forward to the steps with fear.

I just, inside of myself was a resistance.

It's like, you know, you knew what daughter.

He says, turn your life over to this care.

You know, you see, I don't understand that.

Why would I want to do that?

That doesn't see.

So it was always like a resistance.

Right.

And it always baffled me that it seemed tone was to work the steps through fear.

And a lot of that was just my own tapes, you know, like when I was in the boarding schools or the mission schools, you know.

It was always like they always painted a picture of, like they would teach you about God or whatever.

So it seemed like one of the ways they'd always do, like some of the teachers or pro-girl schools or whatever, they'd, it was always like they'd paint a picture of hell.

you know there's that's how they motivated you to seek God

so they say you ever been burnt by a match or fire you go yeah I have

to

your whole body is gonna burn all over just blisters you're gonna be away forever

then they would say things like God you ever been thirsty

out in the woods all day, no water.

I say, yeah, ain't no water in hell.

Your tongue gets bligg and your body is going to be all blistered.

Now you want to see God.

And you say, well, yeah, I do.

So it was like you always had like the flames of hell licking your ass

to see God.

And so there's always this resistance, you know,

but kind of the way, you know, that I grew up.

It wasn't a positive experience.

I didn't see God because it was...

good or like the culture, it was always the flames of hell, see, kind of licking your way there.

And so there's also resistance, you know, to these steps.

Even though when I come in, I was ready, you see, to do them.

But then as I saw later on, there's other ways to look at things.

And the elders, they tell us, they say, there's always two points of view of the world.

They say one point of view of the world is a point of view of the mouse.

The mouse, you see. So the mouse gets up in the morning and all the grass is bigger than the mouse.

Every rock is big, every galley is, everything is an obstacle. So that mouse goes along, see.

When I got into soft, oh look at this, the grass is tall, look there, the rock, all this big valley,

ah, it's just not going to make it, it's a real bad day.

See, well, at the same time, there's a point of view of the eagle.

So the eagle is flying up, they're looking at the same thing the mouse is looking at.

And it's looking down at that mouse, it says, mouse, why are you so worried?

Lighten up, mouse, you know?

Don't take it so serious.

So there's also two points of view, you see, for everything.

And so we want to kind of spend some time looking at things from two points of view.

Now looking at also about the steps is we found this in what always makes me comfortable.

Indians always learn the best when they know the hole first.

Show that big picture first and then you can go work the parts.

But if you just show a little part and you can't see the hole, then you tend to want to resist.

So I used to wonder, I say, why is there always, you hear people say,

I'm stuck in this step, I'm afraid this one, and I can't do this,

and inventory is negative, and this is, you know, it was always like a,

and I says, it seems strange to me that the creator would give a program to recovering people

and then make it a fear program.

I said, it doesn't make sense that he would do that.

See that maybe there's another point of view.

Maybe that's a point of view of the mouse.

Maybe there's another point of view of how to look at this.

Is it possible to come in and work the steps and look forward to them,

that you anticipate doing the next one instead of looking at the resistance, you know, of it all?

So as we continue to go back to the culture and learn some of those things, and

I found that there was other ways to look at, at the steps in their recovery,

and to look at it from a native point of view, just started to really make sense to me.

See, I'm not afraid of the steps at all today.

Now, our places in there, you know, where things go on,

but I always look forward to making that change.

So what we'll be using a lot this morning is we will be talking about these things,

steps from a medicine wheel point of view, from the circle point of view.

So pretty much it's like Sam read, we'll be looking at some of the prophecies, some of the

medicine wheels, the cycle of life.

And in doing that with an intent, sharing some information that will allow one to look forward

to working those steps.

And then we'll look at an overview of the steps, and then we'll spend primarily the late morning and the afternoon doing a lot of workshops.

Also for those, we'll try to take breaks by every 45 minutes.

I believe in taking frequent breaks, so we're not going to be set in here.

And if there are any questions as we go through this, please feel free.

to just raise your hand or whatever is your customary way of signifying that you have a question to ask.

Derek, could you hand out those workbooks too?

Also, we'll give you a workbook, and then we'll explain that, kind of go through that workbook,

so we're kind of familiar with that also.

But in looking at these steps,

What I want to kind of do is tell you a story about something that happened to me when I was four years sober.

Because it's very important, I think, for us to locate.

When I come into recovery, I had lost everything and was in debt and lots of things like that.

And I managed to get sober, going to AA and getting in a sponsor eventually.

So over the next, as I come in, the first year was craziest hack,

and then the second year, and then by, anyway, by time, you know, three years or so,

it was sort of like I did have a rug again,

and there was some sanity on that rug.

I had a res car with some good tires,

and I wasn't moving every month or playing those games

and paying my bills, getting responsible again.

And so it was going pretty good by the time I was getting three, three and a half years sober.

But then what happened was I had about, I must have been about four years sober.

And all of a sudden, it was just like somebody took that rug again and just upset it all.

I was in trouble at work.

I was in trouble in my relationship.

I was just, I hated going to meetings.

I set meetings and they just stunk, you know, and my sponsor got stupid and this book,

I had read every damn thing in it and I didn't want to see this crop again.

I didn't want to pray, I couldn't work steps, I didn't want to work them, and I wanted to run.

See, I was having a hard time and I really didn't want to go to meetings.

So after a while, I thought, you know, I better go see somebody.

So I went to see this one elder in Denver that I used to go see a lot.

And so always by the time I see him, then I'm just really scattered and just rambling all over the place.

So when I go see him, he sits in a backyard, he'll grab a chunk of wood and he'll whittle with his knife, you know, waiting for me to get done.

Just shakes his head like that.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

And so I got through all what I had to get through.

And so then finally he said to me, he said,

well, how long are you sober now?

Exactly.

I said, well, four years, and I think it was like a week.

And he says, well, he says, you're right on schedule.

And you know how you hate to hear that when they talk,

they say things like you're right on schedule?

But he told me, he said, I want to tell you something about that not a lot of people know.

And it's to do with growing.

and do with cycles. See, everything he says goes in cycles.

And we all participate in a cycle.

Like geese, they know exactly when they're supposed to go this way,

how long they're supposed to stay,

and then they know exactly when to go back.

And everything in the whole earth works by a system of order,

that there is order to everything.

But he says, very often we as a human being, we think we're the exception.

We always think we're the exception.

The everything else participates, but not us.

But he said, I want to talk to you about the seasons of growing.

He says, because this will really help you in the recovery.

And he said that every human being, we participate in a four-year growth cycle.

that we have one year of spring, one year a summer, one year of fall, and then one year of winter.

There is a cycle that we grow through. So when we grow, it's like you don't grow like there's a there down there.

When we go, we travel like this. Spring, summer, fall, winter.

We travel in a circle.

And every four years it takes to make that circle.

So I'll just talk about these seasons because I think it's really helps.

Because they've ever noticed a lot of times how people seem to get in troubles,

what years?

4 to 5, 7 to 8, 11 to 12, 15 to 16.

4 year cycles, you see a lot of people will slip.

4 to 5, 7 to 8, a lot of relationship troubles or divorces and stuff take place.

in sobriety cycles. So we're going to talk about these seasons, but they're not to do with the seasons outside.

They're talking about seasons, inside seasons.

So we'll look at some information about these, and see if these seasons make sense, these seasons of recovery.

And then I'll also talk to them about a little bit in terms of like groups,

because we have our groups or organizations, whatever.

So I just kind of talk about both of those,

but mostly I'm going to talk about personal growing.

So in the spring season, in our organization,

you'll see these type of characteristics.

Like when something first starts out,

even like how this conference started, first one.

See?

A lot of hope, a lot of energy, a lot of excitement.

I wonder who is coming.

I wonder if they are going to show up.

So you have all these questions when you first start.

So at individual level, you know how like an oak tree,

see the oak tree standing out in the forest like that, nothing's going on?

Then unknown to an oak tree that sap, it starts to work its way up into a kind of a form of life.

It starts to work its way up inside of that tree.

But at first, the oak tree don't know it.

So a lot of times we come into recovery at first, you'll notice other people will notice things before we notice them ourselves.

So it's like that oak tree is standing out there or our friends will come up and they'll say, gee, you look different.

What'd you do?

Bick your hair different or not?

Something.

Nah, same old way.

I've been wearing it for 10 years.

Ain't nothing going on here.

See, a couple days later you'll see people will come up and they'll say,

you get different clothes or something.

Is this something about you? Seems to be different.

Nah, same old rag as I've always had.

See, ain't nothing going on here.

Then maybe a couple days later, a week later or something.

They'll kind of kid you.

They'll say, what'd you do, go snag a new man or something?

There's something different about you.

So the other people will notice a change going on,

but usually inside of ourselves we don't.

But the day comes,

When you get up and you walk into the mirror, you know, in a breakfast or whatever, in the bathroom,

and all of a sudden you look in your own eye and you know something's going on.

You know, you just, you don't have any idea what it is, but you kind of know that it's going on.

You're not sure, but you know.

So it's like when you look in a mirror and you realize that, see, then what you do is you close the door so nobody's looking

and you look at yourself, you know, really good in their mirror.

And then you say, is this like how an oak tree would bud?

You know, you get those little buds start to appear on its branches.

That's when you notice.

You don't know what's going on, but you're just kind of looking at a mirror and you say,

check myself out.

I think I'm budded.

So you just kind of know things are going on, but you don't know for sure.

And most people that get into recovery, you kind of sense that.

So then you go through that first year,

if you take a look what happens to that oak tree,

all that really happens is those little buds,

they break open and things start to...

turn into young leaves and they're not, the leaves don't have shape yet.

But over that first year, a shape starts to form little things,

start to, like attitudes, I start to believe this, I see hope, I get a car,

see I get a job, I keep it, I quit lying, I'm getting responsible.

Just very, very slowly, these little buds start to happen.

So we go through that first year, and that's just the budding, that budding season.

Then we'll come to the second season that's called the summer season.

And it's during the summer seasons that those buds seem to just kind of solidify.

They get the shape that they're supposed to be.

And all of them do that, and if you step back and you look at that tree,

that tree kind of has a shape, not like it was shaped in the spring,

but it kind of has a shape of how that tree is going to be, you see, for that season.

So at the individual level, it's sort of like things just kind of solidify.

You get a job and you keep it.

See, a few bucks extra in the checkbook or whatever, and you do the checkbook and you balance it.

See?

Just kind of like responsible things.

You tell somebody you're going to be there to make coffee, you get there.

You say you're going to be here.

You usually do.

If you don't, you call it.

But you start to get some kind of sense of responsibility.

So during that second year, it's just kind of a smoothing out place.

You just, it just kind of smooths out.

So you hear people say, well, that first year is this crazy,

and heck, now the work begins.

And there's all these little different sayings that we have.

So then we come to the end of that second season,

or that second year, and it's kind of comfortable,

for the most part, it's very comfortable.

Then we think it can't get any better than this.

But then, lo and behold, the next season approaches.

So the oak tree is standing out there with all its green leaves,

and all of a sudden it starts to notice.