Steps 10 and 11 at a Big Book Study in Geneve, Switzerland

Alright. Good morning, everyone. My name is Peter. I'm still an alcoholic. Hi, Peter.

I slept well. How about you guys? Good. I was obviously exhausted. Okay.

Right. We're gonna do 3 quick sessions, and we're gonna look at 10, 11, and 12. Just gonna recap slightly and see where we are. I use Bill's story for this because Bill's story is very interesting. If we look on, page 8 of the book, and this is a chronology going on here.

He was in town's hospital for the first time being treated for alcoholism, and, he overheard doctor Silkworth and his wife talking in the in the hallway. And doctor Silkworth said that this guy is there's no hope for your husband. If he carries on drinking, he's either gonna die or go insane. And, Bill said no words can tell the loneliness and despair. I found a bit of morass, soft pity, quicksand scratching all around me.

I've met met my match. I was overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master. That's Phil's first step, and it's around about 11th November 1934. A month or so later, maybe, a few weeks later, Eddie Thatcher, his old drinking buddy turned up and, so bad.

And Bill was drinking, and they started discussing what had happened to Debbie and Debbie got sober, on a spiritual program. And, Bill kinda took his second step. It said it meant only a matter of willing to believe in a power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make that beginning. That statement the statement that that, you can choose your own conception of god hit him hard.

It melted the ice of the intellectual mountain. He knew Shadow. I lived in Shivan for many years. I stood in the sunlight at last. Bill took his second step drunk.

That's very interesting, isn't it? He goes in the hospital, and this is kind of recapping what we've done what we talked about yesterday. The inside in hospital for his 3rd treatment, around about 11th or 12th December 1935, he humbly offered himself, this is on page 13, He humbly offered himself to god as an an an understanding to do with me as he would. Step 3. I placed myself unreserved in his care and direction.

Is important there, and became willing to make her my newfound friend take them away root and branch. It sounds like step 4, 5, 6, and 7. My schoolmate visited me. I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. I made a list of people I've heard and towards whom I felt resentment.

That sounds like 5. And beginning of 8. I expressed my entire willingness to approach individuals in admitting my wrong, step 9. Never was I to be critical then. I was to right all such matters the utmost of my ability, step 9.

I was to test my thinking, my new god consciousness within. Common sense would come out, uncommon sense. Testing my new god consciousness sounds sounds to me like step 10. I was to sit quietly when in doubt asking for direction and strength to meet my problems as he didn't have me. Sounds like step 11.

Never was I to pray for myself, but except my quest request bore and my my usefulness to others, then only might I receive, here's a promise, I might receive in great measure. And my friend promised when these things were done, I would enter upon a new relationship with my creator and all elements, and I would have all the elements of the way of living, not just staying sober, or the elements of the way of living, which answered all my problems, not just not drinking. Easy, easy. A price had to be paid. The price has to be paid as is the destruction of self centeredness.

We saw yesterday that our our problem is selfishness, self centeredness. That is the root of our problem according to the according to our basic text. This is a textbook. It's meant to be studied. I thought last night about a number of things that I missed out.

Last night about a number of things that I missed out. It's I found over the years that this is layers. This book has layers and layers and layers and layers. And every time I revisit it, I get to see something new. And right about 15th or 16th December, he had this mountaintop experience, and doctor Silkworth, came up to him and said, something has happened to you, I don't understand, but you'd better hang on to it.

Anything is better than the way you were. And his friend emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating his principles in all my affairs and particularly was it imperative imperative to work with others as he'd worked with me. Sados replied to me. So Bill took somewhere around 15th, so he went in about 11th and somewhere around 16th December after looking through this program, and and doing the best he could, he had a spiritual awakening. Now my spiritual spiritual I I had a a non experience, but an awakening, a slow awakening over the years.

Some of us have very large upheavals. Mine's been a very slow thank goodness. It's been a slow, very slow thing. And so just reviewing it, it's it's it was very quick. They did in the early days when the people who wrote this book worked the program very quickly.

The reason why they worked the program very quickly is they couldn't guarantee how long they were gonna stay stopped drinking. Because when I stop drinking, I get worse. My condition gets worse when I stop drinking. Because alcohol fixes what's wrong with me. Yeah.

A week, 2 weeks, 6 months after not drinking, I'm nuts. I'm falling apart. I need something to fix me. What the program does, it accesses the power that fixes me. And I get we talked we looked at the the, we looked at the promises, promises yesterday.

If we're painstaking about this phase of our development, the 9th step. Step, we're gonna measure before we're halfway through. We're gonna know you for your new happiness. We will not regress the past or just to shut the door. The the past becomes my greatest asset to take to a newcomer.

My past, what happened to me in my past is my greatest asset to to to identify with another drug. We will comprehend the word serenity, no peace. That's what I wanted really. And it's interesting that the feeling of uselessness or self pity would disappear. One of my problems is self pity.

Selfishness, self pity. We will lose interest in selfish things. We ask for those to be removed in the 6th step, they begin to get removed, or 6th and 7th step, they begin to get removed by work in the 9th step. That's how this works. And it's very, very interesting, that the self seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and our like, we're trying to fear of people and fear of people. Fear goes away. You will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves, but I've got power now. I've got power. And it says here, this in the book, on page 84, it says this brings us to the 10th step.

We get brought by that power to the 10th step. I I didn't get you on my island anymore, which suggests that we continue to take personal imagery, and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously there's another very strong they use very strong words in here vigorously. That's, you know, that's kind of get a sweat up. Commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past.

Don't wait. Don't wait. Step 10 is is accessing the power every day. It's very interesting. It says that this, that that that that this looks like it's in a in a wrong order.

It says here we continue to watch, It says, listen, our next function. So we've had one function is to we've said yesterday that our main function was to be to fit ourselves to be business to others. Here's another function. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. How do I understand how do I understand this program?

How much do I understand about this? What do I what what am I trying to achieve here? And so it's telling me that I need to study. I need to find out what how to how to do this. And believe me, anybody can do what we're doing.

We're not special. Anybody can do what we're doing. Any member of the folks, none of us with the knowledge and the and the experience of of work and stuff can do what we do. It's not it's not special. He says it's no overnight matter.

This continued for a lifetime. This should continue for a lifetime. This is what I do now. This is what I do for a lifetime. Now some people say 10, 11, and 12 are the maintenance steps.

They're they're the growth steps. They're the growth steps. I can't stay where I am halfway through my amends. I've gotta grow. I've gotta grow in effectiveness.

I've gotta grow in understanding. And it it tells me what to do now, and it's during the day. This next paragraph tells me what to do during the day, and it tells me I continue to watch. What for? We've had these before, selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

Oh, those are the things we were looking for in our 4 step imagery. Although, they haven't gone away. Continue to watch, Someone that I admire very much in in Alcoholics Anonymous says that watch is a spiritual spiritual practice. I watch. I watch.

I watch for selfishness and desires to be led into fear. When these things crop up, not if, when these things crop up, I ask God at once to remove them. I don't hang around in my resentments. I don't hang around in my dishonesty. I don't hang around in my my fear once I recognize them.

I have a tool now called 4th step inventory where I can I can write stuff down on paper? I can write resentments down on paper. I can write write fears down on paper. I can write write my behavior down on paper. So we ask god if he wants to move them.

Next. So there's there's several instructions here. The first instruction, continue to watch. There's there's several instructions here. The first instruction, continue to watch.

The second instruction, when these pop up, we ask god to immediately ask remove them. 3rd instruction, we discuss them with someone immediately. Sponsor. If you sponsor people, expect phone calls. And make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.

Okay. So that contains step 4, step 5, step 6, step 7, step 8, and step 9 during the day. Then another instruction, sounds like next to me. We resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help, but no intolerance of others is our code. I'm supposed to turn up in life with love and tolerance.

Now here's if you do that, here are the best promises in the book. And we have ceased fighting anyone and everything, even alcohol. That could be an instruction. Stop fighting everything. I've gotta be told I've gotta be told that because it doesn't just happen.

But this is amazing. For by this time, sanity will have returned. What did we mention in step 2? It was returns sanitary? Here it is in step 10.

It's taken a while. It's taken a while. We will seldom be this is another promise. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we will call us from our phone.

We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. Automatically, no effort on my part, only the effort of working the steps up to this point. You've seen that our new attitude towards liberty has been given to us without any thought or effort on our own part. It just comes. Now in my in in my my understanding, that this is this is why I introduced myself Before I got here to this point, alcohol dominated my life.

It dominated my thoughts. We're not fighting it neither to avoid temptation. We feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality, safe, and protected. It That's recovery. The problem has been removed.

We're neither cocky nor are we afraid. This is our experience. It's the experience of the people who wrote the book. They're not making this up. They're saying that this is our experience.

We can guarantee this. This is how we grasp the longest we keep in spirit fit spiritual condition. It now goes on to tell us how we stay in a fit spiritual condition. It never it never leaves anything out in this book. It's easy to let on a on a spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels, laurels meaning achievements.

We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle fight. Subtle means sly, clever, devious, and difficult to detect. Okay? So I'm an alcoholic. My disease is sly, devious, clever, and difficult to detect.

When I'm in it, I don't know I'm in it. I need that's why I need a sponsor. That's why I need a strong fellowship around me that can that can that care more about my my life than my feelings. Yeah. I like fellowship around me that cares more about my life than my feelings because they're gonna tell me when I have to when I don't wanna know when I'm acting out.

Yeah. Foe is a personal enemy. It's not a whole, it's not an army, it's a personal enemy. So I have an enemy here which is sly, clever, devious, and difficult to detect, waiting to get me personally. We are not cured of alcoholism.

You see, when I say recovered, people hear cured. I'm not cured. What we really have is a daily routine contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day we must carry the vision of our internal activities. How can I best serve the above will be done on mine?

These are the thoughts that must go with us constantly. There's another must. We can exercise our will our will power along this line. All we wish is the proper use of the will. Oh, my.

I've got will power. One of the things about resentment is that I I when I first saw resentment and, it equates a bit with anger, it said that I sort of thought I wasn't allowed to get angry. And I used to bottle it up, and I ended up having rage attacks. So, and it's fine getting angry as long as I identify that I'm angry. And I can write down, I've got a tool now, I've got a 4 step inventory tool that if necessary I'll write it down.

I'm angry at it, and I will write it down quickly because I can't go through the day carrying the anger. Because if I go through that day carrying the anger, I've got a tool here, so I I continue to watch for self sufficed as honestly. Sometimes I can do it in my head. Sometimes I gotta write it down. If we carefully follow directions, we have begun to sense the flow of god's spirit in us.

To an to an extent, we have become god conscious. We have begun to develop this vital 6th sense, but we must go further. So what this book is telling me that during the day, from as early as I possibly can and I try I try and ask I try and ask sponsors to when when they get to step 3, to begin the this idea of of of of asking god in to the day. Every day, we'll look at step of everything, and and and and that's how it works. In the old days, in the early days of our economics, in the early days, they insisted on quiet time in the morning more than meetings.

The quiet time in the morning, which is 10, 11, was more important to them than going to meetings because that's where we get the power. You see it says here that my that my my I I have a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Every day is the day where I must carry a vision of God's will into all my activities. How do I do that? I start the morning quiet.

I start the morning quiet, I'll start in. As we see in step 11, I'll start in. I very, very quickly take it back, now I'm in the car. I am much calm. I am much more able to do what I do.

I'm much more able to to go into all my activities, with with with this this this of of everything's okay and everybody else is okay too. It's it's cool. And I can I can I can do do what I need to do? But it says here, we have we're to an extent to some extent. It doesn't say we're suddenly saintly.

It says to some extent we have become god conscious, and we have begun. Just begun. Here we are, step 10. We've just begun to to to to feel this vital sense, and but it says we must go further, and that needs more action. This is action action action.

It doesn't rest it doesn't rest anywhere here. Jack Horner, now where did we go? This is momentum, that moves on. I I don't get a whip out and and which sponsors say you've got to do this, you've got to do this, you've got to do this. You do it do it in your time.

How free do you wanna be? How well do you wanna be? How quick do you wanna do this? You need power, access power quickly. You you are powerless.

If you are really if you've really taken step 1, the power is over. You're powerless. If you've really taken step 1, your life's unmanageable. You need power. Access that power quickly.

That's what these guys did. Yeah. When they wrote the book, they access this power quickly. They they knew how urgent this was. This is urgent.

This kills me. This kills me. It may not kill me quickly. Somebody once said, don't threaten me with death. Don't threaten me with a long life drinking or a long life untreated alcoholism.

That's hell. I've been there. I know what it's like. I don't wanna go back. You know, death doesn't frighten me.

It would have been a relief. Yeah. And I can't live without this. This this shows me, 10, 11, and 12 shows me how I can have a full and successful life. Again, it's simple.

I mean, we both said it yesterday after we went through it. It is so simple. This is just so simple. There's nothing complicated in here. They cut it down to the bedroom because they know alcoholics alive.

These guys were alcoholics. They could they had some kind of they had some kind of insight into into by the time they've done this, thought. And I will complicate anything. That's what I do. I complicate things.

If I if I can get the discipline to stick to what is being said in here, you know, one of the things, one of the problems that I find is you go to a step meeting, and and I have never been to a step meeting yet that doesn't use the chart and chart. I've hardly ever been to a step meeting that uses the big book. Now in the in the forward to the or preface to the to the, to the 12 and 12, it says something like the big book of Alcarus Anonymous is the manual, if you like, that tells you how to do the steps. The 12 and 12 was a set of essays written by Bill w to pad out the essays that he wrote to publicize the twelve traditions. He was persuaded to do it by the editors who said, well, we this is too thin.

What we need is a bit of a book. Couldn't you write some essays on the 12 steps from your perspective of something like somewhere between 7 12 years over? And that's what he did. Now there is no directions in the 1212 on how to take the steps. They are essays.

They're wonderful if you're down the line a while and you wanna get some greater ideas and depth around each step. But for a newcomer working the steps the first time, I look at step 4 in the 1212, and I am mystified. It confuses me. I can't do it. So why I I don't understand why we study it in step meetings.

I don't understand. There there's, like, something like 40 pages here, which give us all the directions that we need to to work the steps, and it's simple. If you read Bill's essays as he went on along, he wrote he wrote essays on the on the I mean, Bill was an alcoholic. He was also a night school lawyer. And if you read these essays on a you read the book, it's fabulous.

You read the essays on the twelve steps, they can start to get complicated. The the traditions are fabulous. You read the essays that you wrote on the concepts of world service, and you need a you need a legal dictionary. They are very complicated. Bill was a very complicated guy, And that's why this book is so simple is because he sent out stuff to the other groups and they said, Let's just keep it down with this.

Just keep it simple. Doctor Bob's last words. The last time Bill saw doctor Bob was he said, as Bill Bob walked down as Bill walked down the down the the garden, the old guy was was leaning on the door, barely able to stand up. Said to him, Bill, let's just keep this simple. Yeah.

Simple, but not easy, but simple. It needs to be simple. I need to be able to do this while I'm bouncing around the floor. It just come into an IAB because I need power. Thanks, Peter.

My name is Simon Clark. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Glad to be back this morning and, thanks for for turning up. I've seen a few of the same faces here from yesterday, so that's good. Yeah.

I echo echo Peter's words on the simplicity of of the way of living in step 10. And if you look at pages 84 to 85 that that tell you what step 10 is, you will notice that there are 4 things I need to do on a daily basis and one prayer in a page and a half. So with those four things I need to do on a daily basis, which is continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear, when they call up, ask Godot once to remove them, discuss them with someone immediately, make amends quickly, quite harm anyone, and turn my heels towards somebody I could help. That's a daily mechanism for me it becomes a way of giving practice there are 4 simple things for me to do there on a daily basis the rest of this page and a half is full up with promises. There's a prayer here how can I best serve thee thy will not mine be done?

Four simple things and a prayer with a bunch of very heavy promises for the real alcoholic. It's very very simple step 10, one thing that I've learned the hard way is that I've learned to discuss selfishness, dishonesty, resentment of fear during the day with someone immediately not done hit, and I had to learn the hard way with that, I also learned that I don't go into a meeting and share my selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. In one hour in the day when we have to talk about God on the steps, I go before the meeting to if I need to discuss selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear, or I stay after the meeting to do it, but I never share my selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear in 1 hour will we have to carry this message to the newcomer? I work daily with this. What I find is that the more that I am practicing 10, 11, and the more I'm involved in 12, and the night in the more free of selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear I am when I'm working with others.

When it comes up, not if it comes up as Peter mentioned, and you see ultimately my first action is to go to God, I go to God at once before I go to human power, that's interesting God could and would he think of sort no human power can relieve my organism and see what they're asking us to turn to towards God first. And we discussed it with somebody immediately. So I I go to the real power before I go to human power, make amends quickly, and then turn my thoughts towards somebody that I can help and that can be, I have a job which I'm generally at between 8 o'clock in the morning and 7 PM at night or or sometimes a bit earlier, sometimes I will pick up resentment or feel the right within a business situation at work, I go go to God quietly and ask him to remove it, I will then call my sponsor, and sometimes if I need to make amends I'll go and clean it up, you know, really immediately because I need to get unblocked of what's blocking me, and you know when you're blocked because you start to become restless and live with discontent, and I know when I'm blocked.

Sometimes I turn my thoughts towards someone I can help in the business environment, you know, being in, being making my boss a cup of tea or making the assistant a cup of tea or or or trying to help them asking if there's anything I can do to help them to get out of self to get away from what's blocking me. Sometimes it it was well in the home and it can be anywhere I can turn my thoughts towards somebody I can help. The promises around the 10th step are for me some of the biggest in the book, you know, especially these 2. Instead the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.

What it doesn't say there is that you will always be recovering. And this is free and available for everybody. This is not exclusive. The book is Alcoholics Anonymous, this is why the success rates in the early days were so strong, if you turn towards the 4th and to the 2nd edition you'll see that the book was being sent out, 800 frantic inquiries and then several months later 800 people on their way to recovery. Why?

Because the book was being sent out to people, people were following the instructions in the book, turning around and working with others and the success rates were so high. The book is Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm a student and practitioner of the big book Alcoholics Anonymous and I can tell you now from my own experience everything that it gets promised in here I have experienced and continue to experience. And I'm here to share with you that if you are a real alcoholic and if you want this solution you can experience the same deal. Also says that Alcoholics Anonymous, it says it is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action. Alcoholics Anonymous is a spiritual program of action.

Great words for alcoholism, I understand that because when I'm in selfish when I'm in selfishness and self centeredness I don't always know I'm in it. Inventory will reveal to me that I am. Delusion will tell me if you ask me during the day, the high sign will have you going, yeah. Fine. You know, I'm working with these guys.

Well. It's going great. Julie's like, but when I come to do a nightly review that we'll talk about in step 11, the lightning review will will actually reveal the truth. And I have to watch for this stuff that's the selfishness I need to watch for the self delusion Because I want everybody to see, you know, I put all my AA game face and isn't he a good group member, a good member of Intergroup, a great Swansea, Look how well he's doing in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I well, we read yesterday, teach alcoholic.

He's like an actor who wants to run that whole show. But I'll get to the end of the night in a nightly review and Infantry will reveal something different, but my pride will prevent me from telling you the truth. I really have to watch for this stuff. My experience has been is that the more I practice this and it is a discipline intent, the more I practice it and incorporate it into my day the more free I become, and the less full up my nightly review is in step 11. The less noisy my head is first thing in the morning.

And I like paybacks, effort and pay backs, you know, I love to feel free, I love to wake up in the morning with my head quiet, I love to go to bed at night with my heart at ease and my mind at peace, feeling the presence of of this power, and I have to watch for this stuff. Sponsorship in in 1011 I've experienced 1st class sponsorship for around 1011, it's not really the mistakes that I'm making that is the problem it's me justifying the mistakes that I'm making. I have to go to my sponsor with this because I've created the situation, aren't I just a modern sponsor? And I can't let him know that I'm suffering in this area because look at what I'm doing over here. I have to level my pride and I go and this is what I'm going on.

And ultimately as we've read in the previous page or two it says our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people of ours, step 10 unblocks me and enables me to achieve that, and as a result of that I'm a much more effective employee at work, I'm a much more effective as a drug and alcoholics anonymous and cocaine anonymous, I'm much more effective in my family relations, I'm much more effective as being a friend, so I'm not stuck in me. I have a way out of doing that during the day so that I can pack into the mainstream of life as it asked me to do in step 11. Sometimes I'm not always able to pick the phone up and and discuss it at once with somebody, sometimes I'm in a business situation I'm unable to do that, that's why I go to God first, that's why the book asked me to go to God first because my real reliance is upon that power I call God. We're not cured of our feminism, and I agree with Peter, I introduced myself as a man who has recovered, it's been my experience it's what the book asked me to do when working with others.

I'm not cured of alcoholism I have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition, not contingent on the maintenance of 90,000,000 in 90 days, on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. And the reason I share things like that with you is because I'm talking from experience here of trying every other way of getting sober, through treatment facilities, through a detox, through therapists, through counselors, and through what I call middle of the road alcoholics anonymous, which is information very contrary to the information that gives me access to God out of the alcoholics anonymous. Anonymous. I'm a real alcoholic I needed the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I tried every other imaginable remedy suggested to me by well welcoming members of our politics and illness. I needed this spiritual experience in order to get sober, it's the only thing that's worked for me, and I will challenge that information when I hear that information, I'll just don't drink go to meetings, do 90 meetings in 90 days.

I will challenge that information because for the real alcoholic that type of information it will not work. I'm done with step 2. Thank you. Just, it's interesting. I I couldn't figure this out for a long time because it says that that this is it sort of says that we continue to watch for suffering as we're unable to fear.

Then if we when we start to look at look at step 11, it says, which suggests prayer and meditation. It says, when we retire at night, and then further down the page, it says, I'll awaken. It sounded like it was backwards to me. But then someone explained to me, I said, well, doesn't it say that after you've done your your 5th step, you go back home and you're quiet for an hour. Well, if you've done a really good 5th step, it's probably gonna take you pretty much all day.

Until you go home in the evening and you sit quiet for an hour and you take a book down from the shelf and you read your bits and pieces and you do your stick to 6 and you do you do the 7 step prayer and you go to bed and you sleep really well. Probably for the first time in a little while. And then it says the next day, next, we go out and do vigorous action and we start knocking on doors. So this is now the next day. Now it says while we're knocking on the doors, we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonestly, resentful, and fear.

So here we are in the day. At the end of that day, you see how quick this is? At the end of that day, we retire, we constructively review our day. Now, I didn't see step 10 as a as a practice that I should do all every day for years in Hamburg's office. For years.

I think if I'd have been if I'd been watching for selfishness, honesty, resentment, and fear, maybe at 16 years sober, I wouldn't have gotten myself into the situation that I got myself into, where I where I ended up, locking myself in a room and and and wanting to die Dry. Completely without and knowing that I couldn't drink. And that's the other deal. Knowing that I couldn't drink because I was an alcoholic, but there was some other stuff that was looking very attractive. And I went to see a doctor, and I said to the doctor, look, I'm an alcoholic, and I don't want anything.

I don't want to take anything for the way that I'm feeling. But can you help me? Because I'm I'm dying. And luckily, he was a he was a GP who understood alcoholics. And he sent me to see a cognitive therapist.

Now what was very interesting after 3 sessions with the cognitive therapist, in the mean time, I had gone back to Arcolix anonymous, and someone in the room was wise enough to hand me this book and say, about time you worked the steps again. You see, one of the things that happened was it it long time ago, I heard a tape by someone, a guy called Clarence, Clarence s, and I do apologize. This has been an open thing. I gotta say that I actually mentioned some surnames of some members of Alcoa's Anonymous yesterday. They are dead, but but but I mentioned them.

This is an open deal, and I shouldn't have done that. I do apologize for that. And Clarence said, you did the first 9 steps once, you don't ever have to do them again. And I believed that. And I believed that.

But what I wasn't doing was living in 10 and 11. I didn't continue to watch, I didn't continue to take imagery, I didn't do nightly review. And what that happened was that I got into selfishness, I got into dishonesty, I got into resentment, I I was in fear, and in that fear, I I I wanted mine and I went down this route. And and I and I was sitting with this cognitive therapist, and the 3rd session I went to this cognitive therapist, I had all this stuff, all these handouts and stuff. And in my pocket, I had the little the little card that had the 12 traditional 12 steps on it.

And I handed this to her and I said, you know, this is great, but you see these 12 things here, I think I ought to be doing these. And she looked at them and she said, yeah, I reckon you should. Bye bye. And I'll never win again. I never went again.

You know? And and I haven't needed to change the way that I'm feeling since I got sober. I wanted to many times. You see, what happens is this, look at look at look Bill's story again. This is this is great, but this just really tells me that he's a real alcoholic.

He's had this experience. It's nearly kicked him out of bed. He's had this white light, he's been up on a he's been up on a mountain, the wind has been blowing through him, he's seen god. He has seen god. And it says that his friend emphasized the absolute necessity.

After he gets out of hospital, he says, that, I need that if an alcoholic failed to enlarge and perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self sacrifice of others, he could not survive the certain low trials the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he didn't work, he'd surely drink again. If he drank, he would surely die. Faith without works is dead and would be dead indeed. With with us, it is just like that.

I have to take action. And then he says, my wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm with the idea of helping other our colleagues to a solution to their problems. That was an original thought of yours. Brilliant. I was fortunate for my old business association to remain skeptical for a year and a half during which time I found little work.

That was a bit of a gift, really, so you can do a lot of work without our colleagues. I was not too well at the time. I was plagued by waves of self pity and resentment. He's had this white light experience on the top of a mountain, yet months 6 months later, he can't get out of bed. Seriously, he can't get out of bed.

Be surprised if somewhere down the line, you get depressed. Somewhere down the line, you don't feel good. But we've now got a set of tools. We've now got a set of tools and we're just gonna come to one of the most powerful tools. We've gone now to our set of tools, the really big powerful tool for me is is the inventory process because it gets me to see what's wrong with me.

The next one is this this next one is prayer and meditation, stepping better. And I'm gonna do it backwards. I'm gonna I'm gonna go to all awake me because this is what they emphasized in the old days to newcomers. This is what they emphasized. They emphasized this.

It says halfway now page 86. It says, on awakening, let us look at the 20 4 hours ahead. So as I awake yeah. Now, again, if there's if you wanna proof you wanna proof of that there's a power at work here, unless you have an alarm clock that wakes you, do you just awaken someone? Generally, I just kinda wake up.

I wake up around 6 o'clock. I get awakened in the morning. Upon awakening, let us look at the 24 hours ahead. Now, again, this is backwards. It says, but we consider our plans for the day, full stop.

Before we begin before we begin with what? Before we begin to consider our plans for the day, we ask god to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self pity, dishonesty, or self seeking. Seeking. I do that in bed. It's a discipline I do that.

I wake up and I say, please, god, divorce me for softening, dishonesty, and so I can acknowledge that. Then I have a little thing that I do. I I I use the fur I use the 3rd step prep. I use the 7th step prep. I consider my day.

I sit quiet. It says under these conditions, we can employ a a mental faculties with assurance. Now when I came here, I couldn't trust my thinking. I was insane. It tells me in step 2, I'm insane.

This is restore me to sun fear. I'm nuts. I couldn't trust my thinking. Now it's telling me in step 11, I can trust my thinking. Couldn't trust my thinking.

Now it's telling me in step 11, I can trust my thinking. Why? Because I'm accessing your power. I can forget to trust my thinking. We can employ our mental faculties with assurance for after all, god gave us brains to use.

Our thought life will, not maybe, will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is clear with my own motives. Inventory process, I'll find out what my motives are. I'm selfish. I'm self seeking. I'm dishonest.

I want those taken away. Notice that they keep on about this. It's the same defects all the way through. It's the same defects before. It's the same defects we've been taking on 5.

We're watching the same defects in 10. Now we're asking them in 11 to be taken away. The same defects. Self pity. Self seeking.

Dishonestly. Yeah. It says again, it goes back to that thing in the book. It says, selfishness, self centeredness, that we think is the root of our health. I have a a disorder of self.

Yeah. In thinking about a day we may face indecision. I'm thinking about my day. I'm planning my day. I may face indecision.

Would I do that? Scream a shot, rush about. No. That's what I used to do. I used to go.

No. It says no. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here's another problem. We ask inspiration or intuitive thought or decision.

We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We relax and take it easy. We will be surprised how the white horses come when we try that for a while. So what I do is I sit quiet.

I sit quiet. I've learned to meditate. I sit quiet. I try and stop the noise in my head. I can't stop it, I I detach from it.

I sit quiet. I think about my day ahead. I think about what's gonna happen in the day ahead. Some days sometimes I don't even do that. I I think, well, I've got to do this that and the other thing today.

Okay. Just gonna laugh. Just gonna laugh. I don't get any great inspiration. I don't I don't get quiet very often.

I got my noisy head. But it tells that's what I'm supposed to do at the beginning of the day. And and in the early days, they say, set this aside. Set this time aside. It I I timed it this morning.

It takes me about 45 minutes. I set aside 45 minutes. Somebody said it a long time ago. God's doing all of this stuff for you, keeping you sober. How much time are you spending with God?

And that time was about 3 minutes in the shower or whatever, and I was in my day. Yeah. And it's asking me here that that I I consider my plans for the day before I start. I look at what's gonna happen. I sit quiet, and I ask them what happened.