A Cocaine Anonymous Workshop in Toronto, Canada

So we're moving on to there is a paragraph in the chapter, working with others, that really shows what it looks like to, number 1, continue on the path of faith with works in steps 10, 11, and 12. Then we're gonna introduce our next segment with this quote. It says, both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned.

Follow the dictates of a higher power, and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances. So to get us going again, please help me welcome back Chris Raymer. Thanks, guys. I, man, y'all ask such great questions. You know, at the break, it's like and I think I I think I didn't do justice to any of them, because we were kinda going so fast, and and, no.

I'll be around for a bit after a week and sure spend some more time, and and I encourage you guys. I had bought some business cards, not a lot, but I got some and I've got email on there. And if y'all wanna visit, you know, I don't I don't ever wanna get in a conversation with somebody again about the minutiae of the steps. It's like it's like we're splitting hairs here. And it's like, I don't really care.

I can share my opinion with you if you want, but it doesn't seem to make any difference how you do it as long as you do it. And that's the that's the kicker. Everybody's sitting around confused because they don't know what to do, whether to do the 3 column or the 4 column inventory. Just do it. It's action is what gets us sober, folks.

Action, action, more action. Bill Wilson wrote extensively about that. Couple of real good questions, and I might not get a chance to answer them later, so I wanted to just touch base with it real quick. You know, this idea of stuff that I'm saying kind of quick from the hip here, if you can't reconcile it with what's in the big book, skip it. The problem is that we're not even going to the big book to look for the solutions to begin with.

My sponsors still to this day always mark, did you did you look in the book? And did you pray about it? And if and if and if if we can't get straight to that, then let's go, let's talk. But it's it's one of the reasons we get so tangled up in this thing called sponsorship stuff because we have to spend so much time trying to help these people when the answer is God to begin with. You follow?

That's what we're gonna talk about. Somebody asked me in fact, I had 3 or 4 of you over the course of the day asked me about the 12 and 12. I'm not a big 12 and 12 fan. I I like the 12. I'm not against it at all.

It's just the 12 and 12 was another piece of literature written 11 years after the big book was written. And I think if you wanna, to hand a newcomer a 12 and 12, I think is just doing them a disservice because it contradicts so much of what's in the big book itself. And, so I know we've got some cats that are real, 12 and 12 fans in here, and they they do a better job of talking about humility in the 12 and 12 than anything else. There's some great stuff in there. But again, I think in early recovery, it's like triage.

What we're trying to do is get these cats connected spiritually quick, so that they stop going out and relapse. And we've our fellowships have kind of all turned into a revolving door, and some of us stick and some of us go away. And it's the idea that's why so many people out there take shots at us. Hell, doesn't anybody come and stay? At the end of our meeting at at the outpost, we that's what we do.

We don't do keep coming back. It works if you work it. We say stay, and we're going on about our business. Because I know you're welcome to keep coming back, but Jesus, if you'd stay, you wouldn't have to keep coming back. Just a touch on amends.

I do a 4th step. I do a 5th step. An hour later, I do 6 and 7. I have a completed 8 step list, usually the next day, sometime when we come up, maybe next year or whenever we can schedule this, we come back up and we'll do a, like, we do a little workshop. Myers and I, my twin brother, we do a little talk about how to get somebody through the steps at a pretty quick pace, and so we could we could talk about doing that.

But usually the next day, I sit out with a notebook and we go back over the amends, and then we ask them to start doing their amends. While they're doing the amends, I'm talking to them about 10, 11, because that's what the book says. As we clean up the wreckage of our past, we start talking about this thing called God. A lot of you guys in this room right now are already doing 10 step stuff. Are you one of the first things that came back to me, even before Herman came back, was my conscience.

You follow? I mean, I I knew immediately when I start took because some of them were a while to get that. I don't know. I don't know. The, my conscience was right there, and I was one of those guys even when I was out there doing stupid stuff, I knew when right from wrong.

You know, I don't know necessarily what the right thing to do sometimes is, but I always know when I'm doing something wrong. Always. I'll say something that was just coming out of my mouth. I'll say, you shouldn't have said that. Just did it.

So 10 step stuff is we start cleaning up the wreckage of our past. We start cleaning up the wreckage of our day even faster than that. It's just like it's just it's just standard procedure. 11 step stuff. Guys, I don't know what to tell you about this getting quiet with God.

We've talked about it. I don't think there's a right way to pray. We were just laughing and talking with a nice lady. We were visiting. You know, the guy that stands up here and does an eloquent prayer is not heard any more than that crack addict in that alleyway saying, God, please help me.

I mean, are we in some kind of living a delusional life where we believe that if it's it's the way we say it that gets connected to God? I believe God gives a rat's butt about our sacrifices. I believe God cares about the the message in our heart. The lady that live that gives she's a millionaire and she writes a big old fat $500 check and drops it in the collection tape. And this lady back over here drops Yeah.

No. Anne Lamott talks about it, the lady that rolls dimes all week long and then drops those in the collection plate. Now listen, which ones do you think makes the biggest impact on God? Which one do you think is appreciated more? I mean, this person, what, $5,000?

What are you, cheap bastard? Come on. Write a big check. This lady right here this lady right over here is gonna have to go without something this week because she put money in the collection plate. Y'all understand that?

It's about the 7th tradition. A lot of you guys are contributing, and some of you guys are freeloaders. You've always been a freeloader. You always will be a freeloader. You're and that's okay.

That's I'm not knocking that. But you wonder why you're always broke. I could talk an hour about that. Not spiritual not not biblical not not jamming it down anybody's throat. It's like, guys, you put stuff out in the universe, you go out of your way a little bit, you with us, and see what comes back around.

You put the good stuff out, you get the good stuff back around, and everybody comes up afterwards, I don't believe that crap. I'd obviously, I'm him. They usually preface it. They usually preface it. I'm just coming back from a relapse, and I don't believe that kind of I I understand.

I know. Bless your hearts, guys. We get quiet, and that's the biggest problem that we have in our hospital. We got a lot of people that learn how to talk to God. God this, God that, pray, ask, quit, and then shut up.

We finally at our hospital, we got rid of all the little Ipods. You can't walk around campus with a little Ipod at the hospital where I work, buddy, because you're not gonna god's not gonna attack interrupt the iPad. Not gonna interrupt the TV. Turn the TV off. Turn the Ipod's gut quiet.

You with us? You don't have to get you can get quiet and get in a lotus position. Oh my god. I used to try to do that. It just absolutely frighten me.

Just don't you can't just get quiet with God. I believe I believe some some, bathroom in the morning. That that's not meditation. That's this is ridiculous. It's not driving down.

I meditate when I'm driving. That's not meditation. Get quiet. Take the effort. You with us?

It's like watching some of you guys do a 4 step. You know, you take a pen and paper, and you get it, and you make some columns, and you spend some time organizing it. I believe your efforts are gonna be rewarded. Just a thought on my part. Get quiet with God.

That's what it's about. We're working the 12 steps to do what? To improve a conscious contact with God. And then we don't give God a chance to get a word in edge wise because we're too busy talking. You you I'm gonna tell you right now, guys.

A bunch of you in this room, God is screaming direction at, and you can't hear it because you won't shut up long enough. The scary part is when you start to feel like you're fixing to hear, that's when you start turning the radio on. Oh, shit. I almost heard God's word. You know?

You don't. You don't say about it. Because you know for a fact that God's fixing to ask you to do something that you don't wanna do. That's like, the guy's coming into treatment. I wanna get sober right up under the point you asked me to do something I don't wanna do, and then I'm not really so sure.

You with us? And some of us have to make some hard decisions when we get sober, and that's just the way it is. We're gonna do that. I'm a big one on this thing called making amends. Oh my gosh.

You know, guys, make the amends. Again, we can spend 2 hours just talking about the amends process. I I, I believe amends need to be made directly to people when we've done harm directly. And I got people always wanting to write letters to people. Why don't you get your ass on a bus and go over where you did the damage and sit across the table from them?

And since this email stuff's come out, everybody wants to do it that way. Well, I'm just gonna do a blanket email to all of my friends and apologize. You know how easy it is to hit the delete button? You know? And they see my name come across?

Delete. Delete. No. I need to go make an appointment and sit it across from them and make amends for the stuff I've stirred up. And it's just that simple, folks.

We're not gonna spend a bunch of time talking about that. I guarantee you though, guys God, if you get ready, God will put that person in your line of thought, in your in your sights. I I can assure you it won't happen maybe on your time scale. God, I wish people I get people the biggest problem I have with guys I sponsor is they wanna go make amends to people that don't wanna have nothing to do with them. You know, it's like, you know what you can do with me?

You can stay the hell away from me. That's what you can do for me. Well, I just don't feel like that amend went amend went went too well. It didn't because you forced it. Guy if he's willing to sit and listen to you for a few minutes to to to clean up your side of the street?

And the guy says, no. Honor that and move on. Makes sense. Okay. It took me, my first wife, it took me 13 years to finally get to make amends to her.

And I made the temp the first few months I was sober. And she said, leave me alone. And every year or so, I would call her again, and every year or so, the message was the same, go die. And I'm in Houston talking with Mark Houston one time, sitting at a motel 6, and I pick up the phone book because her brother lived in the town where we were talking. I said, I'm gonna try this one last time.

And all of a sudden, 45 minutes later, I'm on the phone with this girl. Click. She said, If you'd have called last night, I wouldn't have taken this call. If you'd called tomorrow, I wouldn't have taken this call. But you wore me out.

What do you want? And I said, can we go to dinner? And she said, absolutely. She said, you buying? And I said, absolutely.

And we got a chance to talk. And I made amends to that woman, and I gotta tell you. And I told her everything, because I'd had this card in my briefcase all written out. I knew exactly what I was gonna make amends to her for. And I made the amends, and there was tears in my eyes, buddy.

I guarantee you. And there was tears in her eyes, and she said, thank you, but you don't have a clue what you owe me amends for. And I said, okay, fine. Bring it on. And she told me how to cow ache the cabbage.

Never once raised her voice, never said anything, blah blah blah, but the truth of the matter is I didn't. I never walked a day in her shoes. I was loaded when I hurt her. I had no idea what I was doing to her. I was just thinking on the outside stuff, the money I took from our bank account, the physical stuff that I could see.

There's none of that. And she told me how to cow eat the cabbage. And buddy, there was more than tears in our eyes when we finished with that. And I gotta tell you, I went back over to her apartment, her little house that she had. She's been so successful since she got away from me.

I guarantee it. And she'd gone back to school, and she was doing a lot of the and I got to pick up some stuff of mine that she'd been carrying around, some artwork that I wanted and she gave it to me free. I didn't ask her for it. And we when we got to be okay, we're not buddies. We're not friends.

I don't hardly ever talk. But we've set it straight. And I got cats out there that I sponsor that have been sober for 10 years. They still got states they can't go into because they haven't cleaned up their crap. And then you wonder why you're affect I'm gonna tell you one more time, guys.

The crap I do over here, you got it, affects me over here. Oh, right. Do you think that this amendment I'm making around that money that I stole is going to affect my job over here? Yes. That's what I'm saying.

Spiritual principle. Clean it up. You'd be willing to do what you're supposed to do, and I guarantee you, you'll get taken to a different spot. That's all we can look at. One of the biggest Let me see.

Look at this other thing. One of the biggest, problems that we have in our fellowship today is this idea about working with others. I'm going to separate this up and try to talk about it. Working with others is different than sponsorship. Can we can we just go in the door with that?

Sponsorship is relaying the message of the 12 steps to a newcomer. If I haven't done a 4 step, I can't show you how to do a 4 step. Makes sense? But the book gets crystal clear. If I don't start working with others quickly, I won't stay sober.

And if we do any injustice to the newcomer, I know, again, our hearts in the right place when we tell a newcomer, just sit and be easy. Just just chill out with us and come to some meetings. But Bill Wilson clearly states, if you've got your big books, you guys look on the bottom of page 129. It's in a disgusting chapter called Family After. Not one of my favorites.

129. In the bottom the page, it says, even if he displays a certain amount of neglect and irresponsibility towards the family, it is well to let him go as far as he likes in helping other alcoholics or drug addicts. During those 1st days of convalescence, this will do more to ensure his sobriety than anything else. You get it? It says Bill Wilson understands it.

Up in the front of the book in Bill's story, when Eddie's talking to Bill, he's 12 stepping Bill, and he's and and Bill starts to explain this. I'm just gonna read it. It's it's it's on the top of page 15, bottom of page 14 to 15. It said, my friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly, was it imperative isn't that a great word?

Imperative. Appalling true for the alcoholic or drug addict. For if this drug addict fails to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. You'll get it? It's not an option.

He's saying if you don't work with others, you're not going to get well. I grow spiritually by working with others. I don't grow spiritually by prayer. I'm gonna say it again. I'm not knocking prayer.

People take that stuff out of context all the time. Chris says, we don't need to pray. He's an atheist. He's a I've never said that. Prayer is a piece of this, but it's working with others.

It's the way I grow spiritually. It's the way you grow spiritually. In treatment, these guys come to us. Right? They're all banged up, and they all have this thing called low self esteem.

One of the main symptoms of the spiritual malady is this feeling of uselessness. You'll follow? So they got us standing in front of mirrors, scratching, talking positive affirmations and stuff, and yet none of us are staying sober. So we go back into the AA meetings, and what takes place is if you happen to land in a healthy meeting, in a CA meeting, they'll say, hey, buddy. While you're sitting there shake, rattle, and roll, why don't you go over there and clean that table off?

Help us pick up these cigarette butts out here by the church, and let's go make some more coffee for the next round. Oh, wait a minute. See, in 1987, when I finally got sober, some people finally did that. For 7 years in Alcoholics Anonymous, I did this. I sat right on my butt and did nothing.

I crossed my arms. I sat at the side tables. I took your inventory. I tried to date your women. You with me?

I did nothing I didn't to participate. Because every time I'd say, can I help? No. You're a newcomer. Just chill out.

But yet the book says exactly opposite that. If you find a job in this fellowship, you'll stay. Y'all understand that? The people on this committee, they're not the ones that are going to relapse. They've been busting their butt trying to put this together, being of service.

It's the cats that are not doing anything that are gonna have trouble staying sober. I've gotta get out of my head somehow. I've gotta get out of my head. Will these voices ever shut up? Early sobriety, y'all remember that?

Who's talking, for heaven's sakes? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? But I can sit there for a few minutes and carry some cups and do some stuff, maybe vacuum the big meeting room.

You with me? And at least for a few minutes, I'm not thinking about anything. But these guys in early sobriety, when I got back to Alcoholics Anonymous, they knew that and they showed me what to do. Chris, we want you to answer the phones. Some of y'all heard me talk about it in up in Lewisville.

I said, buddy, I'm detoxing. Answering Jack. Chris, you're not hearing us. We gotta go. The guy that was supposed to do it is not here.

Just stand out here and if the phone rings, answer it. And come get us and we'll help you. We're not asking you to 12 step somebody. We're asking you to do something for somebody else. Listen, I don't know what to tell you, but I ain't die I ain't gonna No.

I ain't gonna And the phone rings. Now it is this. They all just looked. I said, shit, y'all are serious about this. What do I do?

She says, Answer the phone. Picked it up. It was Lewisville group in Lewisville, Texas. Lewisville group. I knew the girl on the phone.

I drank with her husband. I mean, all the stars start lining up. And I'm talking to this girl. Oh my she goes, oh my god. Is that you?

I said, oh my god. Is that you? I said, you still got those shoes? She got these red shoes that you would not buy anyway. I said, yeah.

When we start trying to I saw something just like him in the airport coming over here. I just and I said, yeah. And we started laughing, and she says, so imagine me calling alcoholism and finding you. You're just nothing but a big old drunk. And I said, I know.

Her husband's been drinking, and she wants an out of line of me. And I said, buddy, I'm not doing anything. I'll wait for you right out front. You certainly know what I look like. I'm kinda hard to miss.

And she said, would you do that? And I said, absolutely. And I stood out there like an idiot waiting for her to drive up. She waved. I took her to the Al Anon meeting, and then I walked back into that group, in that room where the phone was.

You know how we do. You know, We're all beaten up, coming in. This looks shifty eyed. Now I walk back in, and it's like, yeah. I I took care of that one.

Y'all know it? Y'all know what that? Yeah. I got it. You know, they created a you couldn't go near that phone for the next 6 months because I was like, I hear the phone.

I'm gonna go, no. No. The newcomer would be like, oh, shit. You could kill somebody with this phone. This is very important.

I'll I'll get this taken care of. Oh my God. Give the new guy a job, and he'll stay. Let him feel part of this, because he is part of this. Stop this sanctimonious crap of saying that you're not sober long enough to help.

If he wants to chair the meeting, sit there next to him and show him how to chair the meeting. That's what we do. Guys, we're teachers. We're teachers. That's all we are.

We've been spared a life of misery so that we can come back in and teach this, each in our own way. If you're not sitting in the rooms, if you're not there prepared, you you're in trouble. Teach. Let them participate. Are they gonna screw it up?

Sure. Guys, how could you screw this up? This is a train wreck ready to happen. And and and they mess it up, and what are we gonna do? We're gonna laugh just like that, and we're gonna move on.

And they're gonna learn how to laugh at themselves and stop taking themselves so damn serious. We were talking earlier, you know the guys we were just talking about, XA speakers on those little sheets, those little papers out of Iceland. A lot of us these guys started XA speakers because nobody would let them do 12 step work. They had an Alano club in Iceland. There's a huge morphine addicts there.

I mean, this this this little island was rampant with addiction. It's also, like some other places we know, state funded treatment. And a lot of these cats come into this hospital, coming in is treatment on demand. And so these little guys were all getting sober, dry, but they couldn't stay sober, and they'd stumbled back down to the Delano club after getting out of get one more treatment center. And the guys at the Delano Club would say, easy does it.

Dink, dink, dink. He's nice. A bunch of little one liners. Sit. And they were just stewing in their juices until the obsession came back, and then they would go use again.

And so they said, screw this. They got hold of some bunch of CDs and stuff we did. And a lot of these little guys got they back over there, and a couple of these cats started this little radio station, a little 24 hour recovery radio station. No telling how many thousands of people got helped by that little radio station. And it morphed into they bought some time on a big server, and it morphed into now, which is the largest downloadable, recovery website out there.

If you've never been to it, it's phenomenal to see what these little guys did. They were in their early twenties when they started this, and everybody down the line, you can't help anybody. You can't do just said, what? Watch this. And they went out and they started this little deal.

Wait. The the problem is that we everybody wants to over underestimate the power of each individual person. Oh, Chris Raymer, you must help so many people. I help a bunch of people. How many are you helping?

Well, I can't help anybody. I can't even help myself. Hold that thought. Hold that thought. Because you see, that's the crux of the problem.

You believe you can't, so you're gonna sit here and stew in it. I wanna get well, and then I wanna go help somebody. Why the hell do we need you? You're not gonna get well that way. If you go help somebody We were talking about it earlier.

This is like 1st century Christianity, what it used to be. 1st century Christian Christianity had nothing to do with your soul being saved. It had to do with finding somebody that was out there on the street that didn't have any food and giving them some money, showing them how to grow a crop, helping the poor, helping the less advantaged. You'll follow? It's about charity.

We've taken a perfectly good religion and turned it into some kind of a well, same thing we've done with our AA group. Our job was to get sober and turn around and help somebody else get sober. And by helping somebody else, we get to stay sober. I told you earlier, what we're starting to see at our treatment center is a whole bunch of people come back in with long term sobriety. I had a guy in there last week, and it's like when they come back in, I mean, I hug them.

They a lot of them have heard of me out there. They've heard my CDs and stuff, and that's why they end up coming sometimes because of that. And I said, oh, you're Chris Rehmer. It's nice to meet you. Blah blah blah.

It says, I had 17 years, but I lost it. You know, I got tangled up in the meds and this and that and the other, which is just a a freaking excuse. You won't get tangled up in the meds. You won't get tangled up in the meds if, spiritually, you're connected. We've known this for it's another hour talk.

I asked the guy point blank. I said, buddy, what were you doing? He said, oh, I was going to meetings. I'm not gonna have any problem with this. Was going to meetings.

I said, let me ask you a question. How many guys were you sponsored at 17 years sober? Oh, well, I mean, let me get this one for you. None? You just said you were an Alcoholics Anonymous, but you're not sponsoring anybody?

You're not in Alcoholics Anonymous? You're in the fellowship, but you're not in the program, because the program requires you to get up your butt and help somebody. Got people dying out there because we don't have enough people to work with, especially the women. Why? Because we don't have enough people stepping up to the podium to do it.

Oh, I would love to help, but I'm much too busy. Some of y'all heard me read read this before. It's I think it's fascinating. It came out of a box 4, 5, 9, in 2,000. Inner groups are asking, have all the volunteers gone?

This is our the a a little news newsletter. The most frustrating thing about answering the intergroup's phones, says Bob Arr, manager of the intergroup association in New York City, is finding an AA member willing to take a 12 step call for some sick alcoholic who has phoned for help. Sometimes it takes up to 20 calls to identify just one willing volunteer. Some of these responses we hear when a live member actually does answer the phone, what's a 12 step call? How'd you get my phone number?

Do you mean you actually want me to talk to someone who's still drinking? The saddest response came from a member who exclaimed, no, I can't do it. I'm busy all day. Today is my sobriety anniversary. Oh.

Oh, man. I could just see god now. Okay. Hold still. I'm gonna I'm gonna thump your ass.

Boom. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I mean, The entire fellowship was based on this idea that we're supposed to get sober and help other people. This is like the gravy.

This is like the gravy. This is like this is like having sex, but no orgasm. It's like up to this point, I'm working the steps, I'm busting my ass, I'm going to all these meetings, and now you're fixing to get me right to the edge where I'm gonna actually get the big the happy ending. You know what I'm saying? So they told me about that.

I got this sponsey to tell me about that. I don't know anything about it. But but you're fixing to get right there, and then you stop. The guys, the the the the key is the working with others. The first time I gotta tell you guys, the first time you sit down with some little knucklehead, you don't know if he wants it or not.

He comes in and you can see him. I my guys, they gotta watch. They're on they're on point. If if if I got one of them little guys comes in, I'm watching not him, I'm watching my guys. Y'all know who I'm talking about.

Guys I sponsor. Because they're they're better be on this little guy. I got a stable full. I don't the last thing I need, lord help me, is another. I don't I I'm gonna flush watching.

They're they better be watching him. And if the meeting gets going too long before somebody, one of my guys, slides over next to him, we're gonna have a talk after the meeting. It's the same story. No. We're not gonna have a conversation.

I'm gonna talk, and they're gonna listen. You'll follow? Because I don't want them to I don't want them to miss this. It's stupid. I don't want them to miss this.

We were in Iceland talking one time like that, and Aurora Borealis was out there big time. Y'all get to see it up here a lot, I'm sure, but down in Texas, I've never seen it. And somebody took the effort to wake me up and let me come outside to see that wonderful sight that I might never get a chance to see again. Thank you for for for helping me to wake up to see a miracle. You follow?

Well, we got this fellowship out here with thousands of miracles taking place, possibly, and yet we're asleep. We're asleep. It's the truth. We could we have in our fellowships, in all of our fellowships, we have these these things called unsigned death pact. Mark and I talk about it a lot.

These unsigned death packs are are quite simple. I won't hold you on your crap, and you won't hold me on my crap. We all have a sponsor sponsor relationship, but you do it any way you want. I'm gonna do it any way I want. We're gonna go on.

We're gonna be good buds. If you relapse, I'm sorry. I'll try to help you, but that's it. Man, that's not sponsorship. Again, we could spend days talking about sponsorship.

We gotta do a workshop just on that. I don't wanna get it off into that. But my job as a sponsor is to hold somebody accountable, is to help them get on this path. And part of that is to help them understand that getting sober requires working with others. Everybody's gonna find their niche.

Everybody. It may be service work in the coffee. It may be at a service structure, an area and district. It may be artistic. You may be designing fires for the rest of your life in our fellowship.

Either way, it's working with others. It's helping out. But if you miss this this miracle of sitting across the table from another human being, you are you are nobody wants to do it because they're too freaked out. They think it's gonna take too much time. It's one of the deals Myers and I hit so much.

Sponsorship is not about raising somebody. Our job as a sponsor is to get you through the steps and then hold you accountable after that. You with me? I'll be there as your answer, man, up to a certain point, but I'm not there to govern your life. The big book is crystal clear.

I don't want you to depend on me. You with me? I want us to be friends, but I don't want you to become dependent on me. Because if I wake up one day and I have a crappy day, I may affect your life adversely. You follow?

Besides, when are we gonna stop going to another human being for the answer to our problems? You come into a meeting, I'm having trouble in my relationships. It's like, it freaked me out. Why would you go to a cocaine anonymous meeting to to talk to people about I mean, it is. It's like 2 trash trucks colliding, and and now we're gonna I there must be 5,000 marriages in this little group right here.

Why don't you get why don't you get quiet with God and say, God, what do you want me to do? You want me to be celibate a while? You want me to get in this relationship? You want me to get out of this relationship? Listen, you can hear it now.

And what? You think God's gonna answer me? With that attitude, probably not. But I'm telling you, it will happen. Absolutely.

We work the 12 steps to get connected spiritually, guys, and I'm telling you, some of you guys are getting guidance and some of you are not, and you're pissed at me because you're not. I'm I'm not the one not doing the work. Well, you don't care on that one. Everybody gets so cranky about this, but it's The truth is again, I'm gonna go back. My sponsor says, I smell more.

You sit across the table from somebody. It doesn't even have to be somebody you like. Everybody says, when they get out of treatment, go find somebody you can relate to. Why? Why would you want somebody you could relate to?

Another fried pie? I don't I No. I need a mentor. I need a spiritual mentor. I need somebody that's doing I'm watching your feet.

I'm watching your feet. How are you dressed? How are you acting? Are you staying around the meeting? Are you are you being productive in here?

Are you happy, for God's sakes? Why Why do I want somebody to sponsor me that's miserable? You follow? You could relate to. I'm gonna find somebody that's an alcoholic and an addict that knows how to have a spiritual experience, because that's the only prerequisite for sponsoring somebody.

Yes. You gotta be sober 5 years to sponsor somebody. Oh, shit. God dang. Show me in the book where was that.

I must have missed that. I don't know. I sure am glad Bill and doctor Bob didn't know that. We'd have been dead. No.

We're not gonna play that game, guys. We're not gonna play that game. Once you've had a spiritual experience, I would much rather I guarantee you. If I had a son that was in trouble, I'd send him to somebody that had 8 months of sobriety, that was excited about life, carried a little busted up big book. Buddy, come on.

We're gonna do this. We're involved in the young people's deal, and we're doing this and we're doing that. I wanna send him to him. I'm gonna send him to some old crusty son bitch in the back that hadn't even been to a meeting in months and won't return your calls, but he's been sober 15 years, so he's a good sponsor. He may be a great sponsor.

I'm just saying the length of sobriety is not indicative of good sponsorship. I'm gonna say it again. When you use the parameters of a sponsor, it's supposed to get you through the steps. So many people don't want a sponsor because they don't they're afraid that they won't know what to say. A sponsor is not a doctor.

Well, I don't know what to do with these antidepressants. I don't know either. Let's go find a doctor. Well, I'm having this problem with my divorce. What I don't know either.

Let's go find a lawyer. Let's go find a personal trainer. Let's go find a clergyman. I'm trained to do one thing. You wanna have a spiritual experience?

I'll show you how, guaranteed. You wanna ask me advice about your wedding, your wife, your vin Uh-uh. We've gotta stop. See, some of you are grinding your teeth because you got a sponsor that does this. You got a sponsor that's been wiping your butt since day 1, and you think that's the way it's supposed to be.

Well I'm telling you, that's great. But let me show you the what that sponsor is doing. That sponsor is making you dependent on them, and not on God. And the sponsor is doing you a disservice. And while I got a ladder of steam up, let me just go ahead and say this, and 9 times out of 10, that sponsor's got 1 or 2 people he's working with.

Well, I gotta tell you something. We're losing the battle. I don't sponsor 30 men because I've just got plenty of free time on my hand. I got to sponsor 30 men because we don't have enough people out there locally to sponsor them. If you'd start sponsoring a few more than 1 or 2, I wouldn't have to sponsor so many.

We got women dying all over the world tonight. Guys, number one email I get, number one email I get are from women looking for sponsors. We got women in recovery all over the world. They can tell you the best places to buy scented candles, and the best places to go eat lunch, and the and the predator's in the meeting and keep you active, and, but they can't tell you how to finish the stupid 4th step. And that's a crying shame.

My job is the same with men or women, and I don't sponsor women. But my job is the same with all of them. Get them to God quick. Let's let them have their own spiritual experience so that we can move on down the road and we can go help somebody else. You sit across the table from somebody just like they did me.

Just like they did me. I said, you're telling me that if I work these 12 steps, that quickly this obsession to do to snort cocaine is gonna leave me, and that I won't want to drink alcohol. You're telling me that I can go back out there on the street and they'll be drinking alcohol and I won't want to drink. You're telling me that these 7 medications that I've taken all my adult life, that there might be a time downstream that I can get off all these medications. And he's doing exactly what you're doing.

And he's nodding his head, and he's got glistening moisture in his eyes, and he's looking at me. He says, absolutely. If you do what we tell you to do, if we do what we're asking you, what's gonna happen is this thing called a spiritual experience is gonna take place, and the obsession to use is gonna leave you. It talks about it in the 10th step. You're gonna be placed in a position of neutrality again, and you're gonna be free.

Well, this is a lifelong thing. I mean, this is gonna take for Shut up, Chris. They showed me the circle and triangle. Some of you old geezers, I signed your little book and you had a 3rd edition and they were before they took the circle and triangle out of our book. Some of you guys, we need to get you some stickers to put in there back in that book because in cocaine anonymous and a lot of so many people in anonymous have never seen that circle and triangle, but that's how we stayed connected to the fellowship.

That's how we knew we were in all three parts. We got a 3 part disease, we got a 3 part solution. Body, mind, and spirit, y'all heard that. We we talked about it in this first little segment, and that's how we find out. But the piece that people miss is this fur first piece is they don't do all the steps.