The San Diego Spring Roundup

Good morning, everybody. It's always nice to be asked to participate in any meeting, anywhere, especially that has anything to do with Alcoholics and Al Anon. We were here about we're not sure how long, maybe 8 years ago, 7 or 8 years ago. And we but we were all over at the Sheraton then, I think. And, we did the family meeting then.

We talked at it. Well, we lived together and made it this far. So we'll see if it this meeting does us that much good later. I I told somebody, I said, should we tell you now or later that we file for divorce? So that was a bad joke.

Bad joke. Bad joke. No. Thank you to the committee and to all the people who have hosted us, and and welcomed us as so many people do. I, my name is Karen Maloney and I truly am a blessed Al Anon.

My home group is Lake Whitney, Texas, the Al Anon group there. There. And just in case you're not familiar with Lake Whitney, Texas, it is happens to be the AA capital of the world. Right. And we have one person that knows it.

And we have this big sign in our clubhouse and it says, Lake Whitney, Texas, the AA capital of the world. So I mean I mean it's even in print, so it must be true. And I think humility is their primary goal, but I think they're having a little trouble with that one. Seriously. They say that when we're asked to share, they're asked to share experience, strength, and hope.

And that's what it was like, and what happened, and what it's like now. And I will do that in a general way, and as quickly as possible, because we need to watch our time this morning. I was born in a little bitty town called Whitney, Texas. That was before we put the light on it. And, and I was born to a couple.

My parents had been married for 15 years 15 days when I was born, and I'm an only child. Mother was 35, and daddy was 41. Back then, that was really, you know, late to start your family. Especially since I was the only one. And their lives changed when I came along, you know.

If you don't have children and you're married, you probably run around with couples who don't have children. And all of a sudden, there are all these couples that have, you know, never born children at that age, and there's me. And I was just I mean, I was a dream come true. There were times, I believe, later that those dreams could turn into nightmares. Because, you know, I didn't always do what was expected of me.

And if I had, I wouldn't be standing here this morning. So, you know, we qualify the minute that we walk in the door. I got ready to go off to college. There was no alcoholism in my home. There was not even alcohol in my home.

My parents were very good Christian people. And, if the church doors were open on that little Baptist church, we were there. I didn't want to be there. You understand? I was just that was what was expected.

And my daddy was president of the school board most of the years that I went through school. And so, I was not allowed to come home and talk about my teachers badly. He would say things like, it's really difficult to find people who will teach at the at the fees and the salaries that they get. And, it really wanted to help the children. And so, I just was not allowed to talk about teachers.

Well, that sort of I thought that was sort of, not fair, because all the other kids got to go home and tell on their teachers, you know. But, anyway, I got ready to go off to school, to college, and my daddy said to me, now precious that's what he called me. He said, there are 3 men that mother and I don't want you to date. Now, I knew that he was the smartest man in the world, but I didn't know how I didn't know he was psychic. And so, I thought, how does he know who I'm gonna meet?

And he said, we don't want you to date anybody that's in the military. Because, one of these days, Uncle Sam will want to move them. And, he said, what would we do if our baby had to move away? And, I said, I don't know. And, I So, that didn't sound too hard and he said, and we don't want you to date anybody that's a Yankee.

Because you know how those Yankees are. They come to Texas and and, you know, and and we think they're fun sometimes. And sooner or later, they're gonna go home and then you would have to leave. And I'd say, okay. Now, for daddy, that could have meant anybody north of Dallas because we live we lived 80 miles south of Dallas.

And what I learned later was he just really they didn't want me to go too far away. And, and he said, and for heaven's sakes, never date a Catholic. We didn't even have a Catholic church in that little town. We still don't have a Catholic church in that little town. And and, you know, I'm here so you know what I did.

I, it was the only blind date that I ever had. Anybody here single? Singles? Don't ever take a blind date. My God, you could marry them and they could be alcoholic.

You know what can I say? But, anyway, I was it was the year before my last year in school, and it was a blind date. And, he was he was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio. And, he was in the US Air Force. And he was Catholic.

What can I say? It was like and we were married for 15 years. I don't know where in that 15 years we were, but one day daddy and I were out going somewhere doing whatever. And, he looked at me and he said, Precious, do you remember the time that we talked before you went off to school? About, you know, who, to, and not today.

And I went, yes sir. And, you know, and he said Now, at the time, I did had no idea that he knew that my husband at the time was alcoholic. You know, I didn't even know it. How would he know it? And, he said, I'm just glad I never put any more restrictions on you.

And that's all he said, you know. And so I guess I am too. But, we were in that marriage for 15 years, and I can tell you that it got quite crazy in that marriage, during those 15 years. It got so crazy that I did crazy things. You know, there was a time that I pulled a 45 on my husband.

And I thought it was loaded and he did too. And, I pulled the trigger. Because that's the insanity that had gotten inside of me. Alcoholism is a family disease. It touches every single person that it comes in contact with.

You know, he just wanted to drink and be left alone. You know, he, was a doctor of veterinary medicine. He was the top of his class when he graduated. He has the IQ of a genius. And today, he's a night watchman.

And that's the disease of alcoholism. He is also the father of my son. And through all those years, we hear such horrible stories, he has always been a good father to my son. And that's what matters. So today, I have a lot of respect for him, and I'm grateful that he is in my son and my grandson's lives.

And I'm also grateful that my husband is sitting at this table. And it didn't him. And he's really grateful for that, I might add. But, anyway. I had moved back to Tet, back home.

And, you know, because when you crash and burn, you can always go home. I guess, at least that's what I thought. And so, I went back home and mother and daddy owned this little house next door to them, and they said that I could move in there. You know? And, that I could do anything with it I wanted to.

And, so, I did. And, I was leaving. I wasn't gonna be there very long. I was just sort of waiting for school to finish. That's because I had to move my son, when when my ex husband and I separated.

And so I thought, well, that is that's gonna work okay because we will, just live there until school's out. So we did that. And somehow, during the year, somebody says to me one day, now let me ask you a question. When's the last time you went to a Whitney football game? And that just wasn't anything I ever wanted to do to begin with.

And they said, look. It's homecoming weekend. Why don't you come to the football game? You'll get to see a lot of your old friends. And, I said, fine.

So, we did. I showed up. At the half time, I ran into one of my old friends, Mary Beth, and she said, oh, a bunch of the classes are having reunions, and why don't you meet me at front of the paper office later? We'll go, and you'll get to see kids you haven't seen in a long time. And I said, fine.

That would be nice. I didn't think it was gonna be nice, but I was trying to be, you know, just cordial. There wasn't anything in that little hickey town that I ever wanted. You know? I used to say to God, if you'll just let me get out of here God, I won't come back.

And I was 16 when I left the first time. And I really meant it. I really meant, you know, only wanted to come back to see my parents. If I wiggle up here, there is a cord that is going right between where my feet should be, but that's okay. So I keep wiggling trying to get comfortable on it.

Anyway. So, I showed up at the in front of the newspaper office, or I tried to, and there was a street dance going on in Whitney, Texas that night. I didn't know they were having a street dance. I had grown up there, never had a street dance when I was growing up, I thought. And, so, I said to the guy that was on the corner taking your money, I said, well, I'm gonna meet Marybeth and I'm not staying.

And he said, well, if you decide to stay, you come back and pay. And I said, okay. That sounded fair. And so, I ran off and went on and I found Mary Beth. And in a little bit, she's I said, you know, it looks like we're gonna stay.

And I haven't paid, so I need to go and and pay. And she said, oh, well, me too. She said, I'm gonna go to the car. And she said, I've got a beer some beer in the trunk. And, she looked at me and she said the strangest thing.

She said, I don't suppose you'd want one. And, I thought that was kinda funny that she said that. And, I said, well, why would you say it like that? First of all, I don't wanna be here, but why would you say it like that? And she looked at me and she said, well, you never were a whole lot of fun.

Well, I thought it was the life of the party. She didn't know me after I left Whitney. But, anyway, I said, okay. I'll go walk with you. So we went down and we got her a beer and we started back, and we're walking along.

We're just talking. And she said, oh, my heavens. She said, there is one of the nicest human beings you will ever meet. I said, who? She said, Don Maloney.

And, she said, he and his wife had some trouble a couple years ago. And and she said, but, oh, he's just so nice. And, she said, they made a it was just also fine. And, everything is okay. And, they're just as happy as can be.

And, I said, well, that's nice. And so, we gone up, and he's working with the Chamber of Commerce because he's a member. And, they said to him Now, they knew he was NIA. And and they said, now Don, you're not we're not gonna we're gonna put you here because you won't let people go in with a beer bottle. You know, because, the bottles could be broken and then they'd have glass and then have a mess.

And so, he said, okay. And, they thought he could be trusted because he was in AA, I guess. So, anyway, I walk up to him and I said, I need to pay. And he said, okay. So, he took my $2, that's what it cost, and he had to mark my hand.

Now, I don't like stuff. I don't want stuff on me, you know. I don't want you to write something on me. I'm sure not going to. And he had this old marker thing and he reaches over and he takes my hand and he says to me, when I mark your hand, you're marked for life.

And I thought, sounds like a happily married man to me, doesn't it you? Well, later And I walked on. And later, he came up and, you know how when you can feel somebody on the back, you know, of your hair, on your neck? And and I was talking to somebody and when I finished, he said, hi. Remember me?

I'm the guy that marked your hand. I said, yes. I remember you. And he said, well, what are you doing here? And I said, visiting.

And he said, no. No. No. You don't quite look like you belong in Whitney. And I didn't know if that was a compliment or insult.

Sometimes, I still don't know. But, he said it was a compliment. But, anyway, he said, well, what are you doing here? And I said, well, I'm living here temporarily. And he said, well, me too.

And I said, oh, okay. And he said, what brought you to Whitney? I said, well, I'm just here temporarily. He said, no. No.

No. No. No. But why are you living in Whitney temporarily? I said, well, first of all, it didn't any of your business.

And I said, but, if you must know, I just went through a divorce. And he said, me too. And I said, well, Marybeth said that you were married. And he said, I haven't seen Marybeth in two and a half years. Later, she laughed and she said, well, hell.

If I'd have known he was single, I dang sure wouldn't have introduced you to him. I took him for myself. But anyway, and so then he says, well, when did you separate? And I said, well, last September. He said, me too.

And he said, well, when was your divorce final? Oh, April. It was in April. And he said, well when was your divorce final? And I said, last September.

He said, me too. Well, then he says, why did you get a divorce? Now, you know, it's one thing to go to certain places but, you know, some people don't really realize that Texas is in the south when it comes to certain things like manners. And and that was a personal question. And I said to him, that's a very personal question.

And I don't and I'm not gonna answer it. And he he says to me again, why did you get a divorce? He's a really good salesman. That's why he's in the real estate business, I guess. But, anyway, he says, why did you do it?

And, I just didn't know any better. And, before I knew what I'd done, I looked at him and I said, I was married to an alcoholic. And he went, me too. And he starts beating on his chest. He starts jumping up and down.

Now, this is what I saw. The band stopped. They stopped the music. Everybody in Whitney, Texas turned and looked and said. And they waited to hear what we had to say.

Now, nobody stopped the band, you know. Nobody was paying attention. But you see, I was the kind of person who had to stop going to football games because I thought when they were that huddle, they were talking about me. And so, you know, you can imagine where I was with that one. And so I I, you know, I looked at him and I said you were married to an alcoholic woman?

I didn't know there was such a thing. He said, no. No. No. I am an alcoholic.

Oh, Jesus Christ. And I said, you're what? And I mean, he said, I turned white as a sheet and started backing up. I mean, I was gone. I was out of there.

And I said, I don't want I don't want anymore to do with you. I've just had I had enough. And he said to me, but I don't drink. I'm an alcoholic. He said, I don't drink.

I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And oh my and I think he yelled it. I've you could heard here if you'd listen. You know, oh my God. I thought everybody in Whitney's gonna know this.

My parents were pillars of that little community. It was not a great idea that I'd gotten a divorce to start with. It was certainly not a good idea that I was going to be talking to an alcoholic. I'd already gotten rid of 1. And I must say to his credit, he was the one when the time came who said, we have got to stop this.

You know, I guess, I might still be there plowing through. But, thank goodness that somebody in that home had sense enough to say, somebody's gonna get hurt. Probably him. And, you know, and I'm grateful for to that to him for that today. So then Don looks at me and he says, what you need is yourself a sober one.

I said, no. I really don't. Thank you very much. And he said, oh, yes you do. He said, how about if you and I go to dinner tomorrow night?

And then, we go to a meeting. And, I said, thank you very much, but I have a date. I'm not. I You know, I'm busy. And he said, well, who's your date with?

I said, well, if you must know, it's with my attorney. Your divorce attorney? And I said, well, yes. But it's final. He said, well, I think that's a conflict of interest.

I said, I don't think it's any of your business. And then he says something like, well, why don't you break it? I said, what happens now? Why would I do that? I said, anyway, he's a senator.

Well, you know, today that might have a little different connotation than it did a while but, you know. And he said, I don't care if he's the President. He said, I think it's a conflict of interest. Well, the President would make more sense now. But, anyway, I don't know, but I broke the date.

You know. And that's just the way it was. And this is 25 years later. 26 years later, you know, that we're in right now. So, things have been working somewhere.

It didn't all go quite as smooth as you would think it might. Don had, he had 5 years sobriety when we met. I didn't know anything about sobriety. For all I knew, Alcoholics Anonymous was a place that you could go and drink, nobody would tell. I mean, you know, it's just I didn't think about it.

It just went through my head. When things go through my head, they used to come out my mouth and it doesn't always, you know it doesn't matter where it comes at. It doesn't make sense sometimes. We, we dated for a year. I can tell you that, that first meeting that we went to, that first day, it was not a very good experience.

We went to this meeting and you would have had to have been a drunk to have found it. It was out in the middle of East Moses somewhere. And I'd lived on that lake all my life and I had no idea that this place existed. So, you had to be a drunk to find it. And we go in and it was gray.

It was painted gray on the outside but the inside was gray. And the reason it was gray is it could have been anonymous because there was so much smoke there you couldn't see the guy sit as close as Mike. I mean, it was just unbelievable. And smoke has always just done bad things to me and I thought, I really made a mistake. And this man stood up and he told this horrible story and people laughed and I guess tears ran down my face, you know.

And, I thought, I don't need to be here. There is nothing here that fits me. We, continued today, on the Saturday evening, and he and I would continue to go to those speaker meetings on Saturday night. And during the meeting, he went to, during the week, he went to meetings and, you know, but, you know, I might talk to him on the phone, or we might have dinner first or something. But, it just was that wasn't a part of us.

It wasn't a part of me. And then, he said to me, there is a, there's a conference this weekend and I'd like to have you go with me. An AA Al Anon conference. And I said, oh, I don't know. And he said, well, it's at the Baptist Encampment, where I'd gone to camp as a kid.

It was bad then. I knew it had to be worse. And he said, no. No. It's it's all new and it's nice and it, you know.

And he said, would you would you go with me? And I said, well, we'll see. Well, I did. And they put this horrible red shirt on me. Red's not my color anyway.

And it said red shirts, which meant that if you had were lost or you didn't know what to do, they could say, you wore a red shirt. And they'd say, we're so and so. I didn't know where anything was. And they wanted to hug you. Oh, God forbid.

I didn't even know these people. Some of them smell bad. Oh, some of them I It just wasn't the kind of place that I wanted to be. And so, and they thought because I had this red shirt on, I guess I anyway. It was not a fun experience.

And, I thought, I think I'm just gonna leave and not come back. Nobody's gonna notice I'm gone anyway. But it was the Al Anon meeting coming up and the speaker was going to be a a lady who later became really a part of my life. And, and that was Sally See. But the lady that got up to introduce her, talked about that when her husband had gotten sober, he wanted her to go to a conference with him.

And she said, I'm not gonna be one of those. And he said, okay. And she got there and they had one color of badge for 1 and one for the other. And they said are you AA or Ellen on? And she said I'm neither.

My name is Beverly R and I want it to say Beverly R visitor. I want you and them to know I am not part of you or like them. And they said, well don't worry. We we'll be sure to know that already. And, at the time, I'm sitting on the front row, probably about where Bill is.

And Bob and Marcy White are sitting there, and then me, and then Don, and Mike and Gail, and Billy and Jerry. It just went on down the line. And my And the lady who became my sponsor, reached over and she tapped me on the knee. And she said, Precious, that's what you are. You're a visitor.

And any time you would like to come and see what our program is, we would love to have you. And then Sally stood up, and she told my story. She was an only child, and she knew nothing about alcoholism. And she married a man named Keith Carpenter, and she fell in love with an alcoholic. And I had fallen in love with alcoholics too.

She told my story, and by the time she finished, they were laughing. And I had no more makeup on because and my lap was almost wet. I mean, she touched me in a way nobody ever had. You know, I thought, who knew my story to tell her and why would they have all these people come for her to pull me in, you know. I mean, they could've had an altar call and I'd have gone right up, you know.

I mean, it was just after all, we were already at the Baptist Encampment, they were used to altar calls. And on Monday night, I went with Don to a meeting. He was talking in Dallas and and I went with him and I went to my first Al Anon meeting. And, do you remember when your hand weighed a £1,000 and they said, is there anybody here for their first meeting? And you wanted to raise your hand.

You didn't want to, but just something inside of you made you do it. And, and all the people that were at that meeting, or a lot of the people had seen me at the lake on weekends when they would come down for weekends, and they assumed you know what happens when we assume? We all make mistakes. And they assumed because they saw me at speaker meetings on Saturday night in the AA room that I was going to Al Anon during the weekend. I wasn't.

You see, it was just a social thing that we were in, I thought. And, I didn't want to have to, you know, be embarrassed if when Don and I weren't dating anymore. And, me being his club. It could've been the country club, for all I knew, but it wasn't. And, was it not a country club?

That's for sure. But, my life changed that day. I decided that you had something that I wanted. There was a light in your eyes. It was a gleam, and people were home.

When you looked into their eyes, somebody was there. And, when you looked into my eyes, I don't I didn't know it, but nobody had been home for a long time. Because, you see, my life had gone to places that I didn't want it to go. It never went to places that my mother and daddy ever dreamed that I would go to or be. And I was a person who I no longer recognized, but I didn't know that.

And, my life changed. I, I called Marcy on Monday morning and I said, Marcy, I went to a meeting last night. She said, well, Precious, I was at the meeting last night at the lake. And I said, no. No.

I went to the one in Dallas with Don. Because, you see, I was the kind of person, if it didn't work, I didn't wanna have to explain why. And if I went to a meeting at the lake, and then I didn't go, I'd have to explain why, and I didn't like them. You know the story. So, anyway.

And, she said, okay. Wonderful. I'm glad you went. And I said, they said I had to have a sponsor. I said, would you be my sponsor?

And she said, nothing would please me more or honor me more than to sponsor you. And she said, however precious, I will tell you that we will work the steps of alanine as if our lives depend on it. Because there will come a day in your life that your life will depend on it, if it doesn't now. And she was right. There came a time in my life that depended on that.

I have a son. His name is Walter. He was born in that first marriage. He is, he's just a precious He's just precious. That's all I can say.

We have a grandson now, and life has changed. When Don and I married, Walter was 8 years old. And Don has There is so much a part of Don in Walter, that he's almost more like Don than he is his own dad. And he has wonderful relationship with both. And that's because of the program.

Don and I hadn't been married very long and we were building a new house. And we had bought this other house to build while we were I mean, bought this other house to live in while we were building. And, one night something happened. I don't know what it was, but he wasn't minding very well. And, I said to him, it's over.

You know, building a house is a pain anyway. And, I said, this marriage is just over. It's not gonna happen. I want you out of here. And he said, well, my sponsor told me the last time, my last marriage, that I didn't ever have to leave again because if I do, they lock change the locks.

And I said, I don't care what he said. Out. And he wouldn't leave. I was packing his bags. I had a suitcase and I was putting his underwear in it.

And he said, you know, I'm not gonna leave so you just might as well unpack it. You know, because you're gonna have to, you know, unpack it in the morning. I said, well, if you're not leaving, I will. So, I started putting my things in the suitcase. And about that time, he said one of those sweet things like, where are you gonna go home to your mother?

Well, I realized she only lived 4 miles away. Now I wasn't gonna need underwear. And so I took my keys and I got in my car and I sped out of that garage about a 1000 miles an hour because I have 2 speeds. Stop or go real fast. And, now, I want you to see this picture.

This man's wife has just left him. And, you know, that's a big deal when your wife leaves you. I mean, she's gone forever. She's not coming back. And he's laying there and he thought, I didn't hear the garage door go down.

And, we were living in this house that we had bought and so, what was used to be the den next to the garage, we made the master bedroom. So, he gets up. Now, if you hit your wife who just left, do you think you would worry about your stupid garage door? But anyway, so he's dead. So, he gets up and he opens the door and sure enough, you know, the garage door is up.

I didn't take the time to close it as I was flying out. And so, he reaches over and he hits the button and it goes down. And it's going down, you know, and he says, it's going to you know how garage doors do. But then, it hits something and it's going back up. We can close with a large prayer.

I said, and, and so it, you know, it would go down and it would come back up and go down and come back up. And he thought, well, she left in such a hurry, she probably hit the trash can or something, you know, and it's in there. And so, he gets up again and he pushes it and he glances out and I'm at the back of the driveway. I haven't really laughed yet. I'm just sitting in the driveway thinking, I suppose.

And so he would hit the button and I'd go, you know, and then And the power was added. You know, what can I say? That's sort of like our lives worth. But, you know, life got better. We did get that new house built and and one morning he started to go to work.

And, we worked together. We've always worked together. And, since very early on. And, he was about to leave and I was telling him how it was that morning. I mean, he wasn't one more time, he wasn't minding.

And, things weren't quite going the way I thought it should. Now, minding is not a word that I think you all use around here. I mean, you know, the children don't mind probably, but but it's nice in Texas if husbands mind. And, they don't very often. But anyway So I was telling him And and he was gonna leave.

And I said, I'm telling you how the cow ate the cabbage. Now, that is really when you're gonna hear it. I mean, that's the end. Right? You're gonna I'm gonna tell you how it is and you're gonna listen.

And he just, Bob White taught him when early on to say, yes, no, and I gotta go. And I gotta go, doesn't mean I'm leaving you forever, and I'm never coming back like me with a garage door. But, it meant he was going on to work. He just had to get out of it before things elevated. And so, I'm just right behind him, you know.

And, back to where you could hear some feel somebody on the back of your neck. And, he says, he says that, you know, he was going through the house and I said, you're not leaving yet. I'm not finished. And he said, I gotta go. I'll see you later.

And I'm right behind him. You know, and he opens the front door and closes the front door and goes out at night. Open the front door and I'm right behind him and we our garage was detached and so he was right at the garage and he opens the garage door and all of a sudden he turns now I'm still talking. I know that surprises you. But, but I'm still talking and he turns around and he looks at me and he says, just look at yourself.

I said and I was in an Al Anon stance, he says, you know, Hands on the hip. And he I said, what do you mean? And he said, just look at yourself. Look what's happened. And I looked down and all I had on was a pair of pantyhose.

It's not worth the trip. Don't go there. Well, I just thought I was gonna die. Oh my god. You could oh.

You know, it's detached, Remember? Oh, I thought I was I didn't and I just you know, and I ran back in the house. And, oh my god. You know? I had to get dressed.

I had to go to work. Of course, we worked together. Sugar would not have melted in my mouth that day. I was so precious. Oh, can I get you something, honey?

Oh, I just love you so much. Oh. And I fixed dinner that night. We don't even eat at our house. You know, we we build kitchens because, you know, houses have better resale value if they have a kitchen.

But, anyway, we didn't use it very often. And I even cooked dinner that night. I mean, you know, and we're sitting there having dinner and I said to him, honey, I am so sorry for this morning. Oh, my God. I'm so embarrassed.

Would you please forgive me? And he said, I didn't judge you. 5 or 6 years makes such a difference sometimes. Well, he said, but Precious, it's not me that you need to apologize to. And I went, excuse me?

He said, you know, our neighbor, Jack Griffin? I went, yes. He said, well, Jack Jack had had a heart attack about 6 weeks before because he'd seen a rattlesnake in his front yard. And he said, Jack was out there watering. And I said, no.

He said, oh yeah. He said, the last thing I noticed was Jack was going He said, and he dropped the hose and walked away. Oh, Jesus. Well, we're gonna have to sell the house. We're gonna have to move out of the community.

We're gonna have to change our names. Oh my lord. This is not gonna be. And I thought, I'll never be able to face that guy again as long as I live. And, all of a sudden, it occurred to me that it was Monday.

Jack and Marie were never at the lake on Mondays. They were back in the city on Mondays. So, then, I almost did kill him. I mean, to tell you then, I really had something to say to him, you know. But, you know, that's kind of the way our lives went, you know.

But, we can look back and we can laugh with those things today. And at the time, they were anything but funny. Anything but funny. I can tell you, by Don having the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and him working his program, And me having the program of Al Anon. And me working my program.

That today, our lives are so fun and exciting. Sometimes. And, you know, it's We would not have the marriage that we have today if it were not for our program. I can promise you that. I don't always do the things that he'd like me to do.

He doesn't always do the things I'd like him to do. But, I can tell you that today, there aren't many big deals that come down the path with us. We I date, when we started to date and I joined Al Anon, to sort go back to that one. I said to him, what is it that is in Al Anon that's what's it about? Well, he didn't know what it was about.

He went to AA. And, he said, I don't know. He said, all I know is that I do know this, that I would not ever consider being in a relationship again, that the my partner did not have a 12 step recovery program of their own. And you know, I think that's a great thing. And therefore, my job was, if I thought that I wanted this relationship as always, I needed to go see what they were talking about.

Now, I didn't go because I thought I wanted to be in the relationship with Don. I remember him saying to me, not too long after we'd been dating, something about being monogamous, and just only dating each other. And, he said to me, I can tell you this. I will never, ever go out with someone else while I'm in a committed relationship to you. Behind your back, or not tell you.

And I thought, isn't that nice? Because I'm so precious. And he I mean, after all, they could never get any better than me. And, and then he looked at me and he said, and I love you dearly. But that is not the reason that I wouldn't go.

And, I it didn't make any sense at all to me. But, a lot of things in this program didn't make sense when I heard it first. Sometimes they don't make sense lots of years later. But what he said is, he said, when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I had no self worth. I'd lost that somewhere in self respect.

And he said, it has taken me this point of time to gain that back. And because of the self respect and self worth that I have today, I would not do that to a relationship that I'm part of. At the time, I thought, I don't think he thinks I'm number 1. And, if I couldn't be number 1 in his life, why would I wanna be at all? But, as time has gone by, I have learned to love that, and honor it, and respect it.

There aren't there aren't a lot of people whose lives actually, we laugh and and go on sometimes about we have a lot of friends. We have a lot of couple friends. And, I can tell you that at Lake Whitney where we grew up in Allynon, in AA, there are a lot of very healthy couples there. And, and that's what it's about. It's about couples being in recovery.

And, and we do respect each other. But, we watch them. And they, you know, we watch them go through things, and then we can go through things. Today, there's nobody that I can look around and see whose place I'd wanna exchange with mine. You know.

Of all these couples, and they've all, you know. Ours is the shortest marriage of all, and we're gonna have 25 years in a couple of months. And, you know, we're what we wanna be today. We live in Mexico in the winter, and we live in Colorado in the summer, and we live in Texas in the spring and the fall, which is not long. Don says, 3 days will take care of Texas in the fall, you know.

But, nobody you know, our friends think we're all just crazy, you know. They just think we're nuts. And we are. But you know, we're nuts together. And today, we do what fits us.

My son says, mom, if it weren't for cell phones and emails, I would never have a clue where my mother is. You know? And I said, yeah. But, all you gotta do is let me know. Don has a son and a daughter.

Had a son and a daughter when we married. Walter was 8. Christie was 9. And Matt was like 12. And, you know, we've had these with our families, just like, I think, everybody else does.

But, the the good thing is that we have 12 steps. That no matter what's going on in our lives, we can take and put those steps into play. And, we have something to work with. And, it doesn't matter today what's going on between us. And, it doesn't mean always things are perfect because I would just tell you that they're not.

But, it's more perfect than anything you could have ever told me I get. If you said to me, make a list of all the things you'd like to have in your life, places you'd like to be, the husband you would like to have, the relationship. If you had said that to me 26 years ago, when I came into these rooms, as you've heard before, I would have I would have cheated myself. Because today, I can look you in the eye. I can look my husband in the eye.

They said this is a program of honesty. That doesn't mean that I tell them everything that goes through my head. And I sure don't wanna know everything that goes through his head. My sponsor says to me, when you're angry with Don, call me. Don't call him.

Don't tell him. Because, you know what? I'm I know it would surprise you. But, you know, I'm just sort of right here. You know?