12-step spiritual retreat in Santa Fe, NM

I wish I could do this in my own life and it sure be great. And, but there's a there's a lady named Mary Ann Williamson, some of you may have heard of her, but she's really an amazing writer. I mean, she just has this way with writing words in a beautiful way that brings about, you know, you'll well up with emotions reading her writing. It's so beautiful and and, Darlene was a big Mary Ann Williamson person and and Mary Ann Williamson also does a lot of tapes meditation tapes like these ones we've been doing if you're interested and she has this voice that is like angelic. When she when she's speaking on one of these tapes, she does all types of things.

So you can you can get a tape on relationship or on breaking up in a relationship or getting into a relationship or, you know, fear and love. I mean, she's got all these tapes and Darlene had boxes of tapes. They were always just flying out of her house and and, she just love Mary Ann Williamson and there's a book called the Illuminati, which is just a book of prayers that Mary Ann Williamson wrote, and it kinda got me writing my own prayers. And and so sometimes I will have people write their own third step prayer because it says, you know, we said something like this, and I think that's actually step 7, but it says we said something like this. And, you know, those prayers are there, but it's the, know, you can write your own 3rd step prayer, your own 7 step prayer, your own prayer when you retreat, and we're gonna have a return prayer here.

And I got that from Mary Ann Williamson, and that was something that that Darlene turned me on to this woman. And and she just just loved Mary Ann. And, and when Darlene was dying in the hospital and all those people were there, I just thought, well, what the heck? I'll give it a try because Darlene listened to those Maryann Williams tapes she had them in her hospital room and and it was that that you know that crystal clear voice and I just thought what the heck so I got on the Internet and I found out that she belongs to this church. It's back in Minneapolis, Minnesota and, and that that's where she lived and I kinda got, you know, in and did all the stuff I could to get the furthest into, some contact deal for and I found uh-uh contact phone number for this place and I left a message.

You know this message is for Mary Ann Williamson and I explained the whole situation to this woman and I also found out that Mary Ann Williamson is was and I'm I'm sure probably still is she was very big in the fundraising effort for HIV and and AIDS research and and raised a lot of money. And and so I knew this was kind of a deal, so I called and I just left this message and and, saying that, you know, what the situation was. This woman helped all these addicts in Seattle and now she's dying, and and would you consider giving her a call and talking to her? And, and wasn't like maybe the next day, I got a phone call. Yeah.

Hi. This is Mary Ann Williamson. And, and I got your message and thank you very much for calling and and what's the situation and I explained that Darlene, you know, is probably gonna die within a few days and and but she was cognizant. She could she could talk and and, she said, okay. Well, here's what we'll do.

At this time, you go to the hospital, and, and I'll call your cell phone. So I went to the the hospital and told a few people, oh, you're not gonna believe this, you know, wait till you see Darlene's face. And, and the phone call came and I answered the phone and hello and oh, she was like, yes, this is Mary Ann Williamson. I'm like, oh, hi, Mary Ann. This is Kenny down and thank you, and, yeah, this is about blah blah blah blah.

She said, Kenny, let me talk to Darlene. And, and I went in the room and I said, hey, Darlene. There's somebody on the phone for you. And it was that angelic voice, you know, and she just knew immediately she started bawling. It was just such a great deal.

And I and I have I'd said it that I read that earlier that I would tell you a little bit about this written prayer deal and where it came from, and and that's kind of the the bigger story of that deal and it was just the most beautiful thing to watch her get that call and and to hear Mary Ann Williamson talk to her about death and dying and, you know, this is a woman that knows a lot about how to help somebody make this kind of a transition and it was just a great deal. And Mary Ann Williamson stayed on the phone for as long as Darlene wanted to talk and finally, Darlene was tired. And, and I think she died probably just a few days after that. So with that, I think we will, we'll stop recording and we will take a break. We'll come back in.

We'll do a prayer, and we'll do a little more on the 12 step, and we'll be done for the weekend. So thank you everybody. Okay, everybody. Welcome back. My name is Kenny.

I'm an alcoholic, and this is gonna be our last session for the weekend. So, there's just a few things that maybe I'll I'll touch on and and again thank you all for having me here this week this weekend. It's been really, really a great experience for me and and, I can just tell you from sitting in this seat and also, we have a retreat in Seattle, that I helped put together, and I did kind of the business end of that retreat for 10 years. Now I've passed it on to some other people. But, you know, one thing I hear from all the people that come through is is these retreats have as much impact on the person doing the retreat as people coming, maybe more.

You know, I mean, I have really just been completely and totally filled and and and my batteries are charged, and I just feel, so very grateful to be here and and to to be with you also. These retreats kinda serve sometimes. I think they serve as a wake up call a little bit. And and sometimes it might be a bit much. It might be maybe a lot of information.

It seems kind of overwhelming, and it takes a long time to sometimes digest digest this stuff. And you you probably can't digest all of it, you know, and you just kinda take a little bit that you remember from the retreats and hopefully you could put some of this into your spiritual practice. And, but they do these do serve as a wake up call, and it is pretty intense. And the real reason for that I think is that, for me, you know, to have had a spiritual awakening, kinda required that I was spiritually asleep first. And and there is kind of, analogy in that that, you know, I had to be drunk before I could get sober.

And and, and I had to be spiritually asleep before I could have a spiritual awakening. And the further the it's there's kind of a analogy that says the deeper the slumber the louder the awakening needs to be and I was a guy that really needed a good, you know, shaking and a good loud wake up call. And I really believe that's what we have here. You know, this this method that we're talking about, this this hard core kind of a big book message with the steps and stuff, it's a loud wake up call. It's meant for people that are maybe, further to sleep or maybe they're just we're just not, you know, as intelligent as the average bear.

I don't know which way it goes. But, a good friend of mine, Frank, used to call this, special education AA. And Frank's been sick for for quite a while now, and I don't see him around meetings hardly at all anymore. But I really loved him for that because he would always say, oh, yeah, Kenny. You're one of the you're gonna need the special ed deal.

And what that meant was that somebody was gonna have to read the book to me word by word and explain the whole thing. I just wasn't gonna get it on my own. And, and so hopefully, this has done those things that we talked about in the beginning. It's encouraged the people here to think honestly, to search diligently within themselves. I'll talk about the 12 step just a little, a little bit more, and then I'll talk about this prayer that I've written up here, a little bit, and then we'll have time for a few more questions and comments.

We don't have really much of a time restriction, but we do got a little bit of a time restriction here. So we will we'll stay to the time that we have and get as much in as we can. So, there's an idea that that, you know, you heard you just heard the story about Darlene and I just love to tell that story because it it tells you about spiritual potential. And what that means is that that spiritual potential that was within Darlene when she came into that retreat, You know, all of those things that she did were really within her at that moment. You know, that spiritual potential was there and it's there within every one of us and it's there within, within every person.

You know, when I was, back behind the McDonald's there, you know, that spiritual potential to be here in New Mexico with you for this weekend was already there. It wasn't something that was dropped in at some other time. You know, that spiritual potential was there. Probably, it was a little hard to see, and I think that's part of the spiritual practice is to try to see that spiritual potential in everybody that comes into the rooms. And and, and to realize that we don't know who the next, Darlene is that's gonna come in, and we don't know who the next, you know, great AA sponsor is gonna be that comes in.

You know, these you know, I was I was, drunk and and I was loaded when I came into my 1st day a meeting. I was completely inappropriate. I said some stuff that was, you know, very inappropriate. I was, you know, I was, you know, emotionally a basket case. All of those kinds of things, but that spiritual potential was there and I try to really remember that, you know, when we're when we're reaching our hand out to the still suffering alcoholic.

It's really not about getting them sober. It's about that. It's always gonna be about the a number 3 and, I've had a chance to work and sponsor with a lot of people and in the light of what we started out the last session with this idea that, I would tell you there's there's been, you know, I, the 12 step work, I guess I would say it this way, 12 step work is is not in my experience for the faint of heart. And what that means is that the big book does describe to us in the the family afterward about the sensitivity being a handicap. You know that sometimes we're oversensitive and and, you know, this is, you know, if you put yourself on the firing lines in Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, you will see all of those things that doctor Silke talked about, the despairing lives and the the blameless children, sad lives of these parents and and spouses that are affected to al by alcoholism.

A lot of the people that you sponsor are gonna die of alcoholism. I think this is a disease. Still, even with all of what we've done in I think this is a disease still even with all of what we've done in AA and all of the other 12 step programs. I think this is still a disease that statistically kills most of the people that have it. So, you know, I've had, I've had to endure a lot of tragedies because it seems like that a lot of the people that are attracted to my message are these last gaspers and these people that have been in and out and in and out for a long time.

And and, at one time and I don't even know why I did. Maybe it was a little morbid, but I kinda started a little RIP list, you know, these people that I'd worked with that had died. And I quit keeping count. I mean, I really cannot, keep count. But, I had a guy that I was working with that jumped out the window and committed suicide in front of his children.

Bill Wilson had somebody hang himself in his house. You know, the founder of our program. This stuff happens all the time. I mean, you in any home group, you know, these tragedies, if you go back over any considerable period of time, you're gonna find that these tragedies are always work out as a story with dark like like Darlene's. You know, those are the the heartwarming things and the things that really keep us going knowing that that spiritual potential is there, but it's equally as heartbreaking when it doesn't.

And, and I do need to be spiritually awake when I'm sponsoring people. And I have made mistakes. I talked about a little bit about this guy that I'd sponsored that I'd made a mistake with. Somebody asked about making the graveside amends, and and I and I commented, well, yeah, there was a few. And and I I one of the and I told you I would come back to him in step 12, and I will.

His name was Gary and and he was a guy that I sponsored. He was just a a great guy and he had he was a car salesman with the huge, you know, the big diamond pinky ring, and he was from the East Coast, and he had the accent and all of the moves and everything. And everybody everybody just loved Gary because he was he was he was one of those guys that that was so full of b s that you just loved him. I mean, he just he just had these, you know, everything you knew that he wasn't quite sincere. You knew he was a great guy, but you didn't wanna, like, set your wallet down or anything.

He was just he was he was one of those guys. And, you know, Gary wouldn't mind me saying this because we always tease him. He was just one of these really and he was in and out, in and out of the program, and he was extremely funny. He had a great sense of humor. He was a good looking guy.

And and, and everybody around the hall and stuff loved him, but he struggled so mightily with sobriety, and he just could not get sober. And he finally asked me if I'd sponsor him, and I told him I would take him through the book. And and, and I started reading the book to him, and he came over. And I I travel sometimes for my business, and I was going up to Alaska. I was only gonna be gone a few days, but I was going up to Alaska.

But I was gonna miss my next appointment with him. So I told him, well, Gary, I'll miss my next appointment, but I'll call you as soon as I get back. And and he was telling me, Kenny, man, I I'm I'm freaking out here. You know? I I I need something more than this.

I'm giving I gave him to set aside bearing a circle and triangle, tell him to read, do all this stuff and build a story, and and and he was just like, still it wasn't enough. He was like, I don't know, man. It just seems pretty shaky, and I am going out of my mind here. I need something. And and, I hadn't been loaning loaning tapes out because I I loan tapes and books to alcoholics and they they don't ever bring them back.

Even the even the ones that have been sober for years years years, they just it's just an unwritten rule. If somebody loans you a tape or a CD or a book or something in AA, you don't bring it back. And so, so, you know, this was kind of the mindset I was in. And, so but but I had a set of Joe and Charlie tapes on my on my table and, and Gary asked me he said he said hey could I take those Joe and Charlie tapes and I'll listen to some of those while you're gone in Alaska? And I said well, listen Gary.

I I don't like to loan my stuff out because it'll disappear and I won't get it back. But I'll tell you when you come back, I'll burn when I come back, I'll burn all those for you. I'll record all those tapes and and I'll I'll give them to you when you come back. And, and I left for Alaska, and I came back from Alaska. And I thought I was thinking about Gary when I was gone.

I called him up when I get back, and I left a message. And and, Gary had already died when I left the message, and I didn't know it. And he died when I when I left. He tore his apartment, broke all the furniture in his apartment. The police were called.

The police broke his door down, and he came out of his bathroom projectile vomiting and, and hit the floor dead. And, you know, died of a massive heart attack. He was sitting and shooting coke or, you know, doing something and and, you know, I tell that story just so, you know, you gotta be a little, you know, this is one of the things that kinda woke me up to this. I need to be a little more unselfish and a little more and it's the reason I made the amends to Gary. Because I'll tell you what, when I went home after I found out that Gary had died and I saw those tapes on my table, they would like to have choked me.

I didn't wanna touch those. I didn't wanna look at those tapes. And you know, the thing about it was I'd already listened to those tapes. I didn't really even need those tapes. So, you know, I mean, I I don't hold back much when people are around and, you know, oh, hey.

That's pretty nice. Oh, yeah. Here you go. You know, and here's here's a couple more tapes. Here's a book that you'll like.

Take this stuff and I just realized that you know when I loan something it'd be nice if you'd bring it back and then I can give it to somebody else but maybe you'll find somebody and you'll give it to them and and pass it on. And, and, you know, I did make those amends at at his service. I went to his service and and, and I I had written the amends letter and I just wrote that amends. Man, that was very selfish of me and I would have loved to have gave you those tapes and I I hope that wouldn't have made the difference between you're living and dying. And I got a clear message back from Gary that he was in a good place, and and, I ended up sponsoring his girlfriend.

That was the his girlfriend when I sponsored her, she was actually the girl that I told, I want you to have a woman in the fist step with you. And Darlene came and sat in that fist step. That was Gary's girlfriend. After he died, she asked me to sponsor her. So so, you know, I I feel like I've made amends with Gary, but still it was just it's one of those things I like to talk about, in the 12 step.

And and I I could go on and on. I really could with the number of people that, you know, I've got calls that, hey. We just found Felix and he's dead out in his van. And, you know, I've had a lot a lot a lot of those kinda, experiences in AA. And I've had a lot of people stay sober too.

I mean, an awful lot of folks have, got sobriety. When I'm, when I'm working with somebody in in the 12 step, the, you know, kind of what we do is is we and and I tell people upfront from the very beginning, this is how it's gonna work. But once we're through the page, the 164, you know, I want them out there looking for that face of hopelessness and finding somebody to sponsor. And and and, and I say, so now if it's if we have a Tuesday 7 o'clock appointment, when we're done reading, we read a 164. The next Tuesday at 7 o'clock.

We don't meet anymore. You know, I want you to take that time and give that time now to somebody else. And we stay in touch by seeing each other at meetings and by, by phone or by email. If they have problems, they call. If they've got inventory to write, they'll write inventory and make an appointment, come over and read it to me.

So I stay in touch with a large group of these people, but I don't meet with them every week. And and, I had, one particular guy that I that I sponsor and and, I took him up to page 164. I said, okay. Well, now he he was a a little bit younger guy and and, and and my wife was cooking too. That was one of the things that made it a little difficult was that he was coming over for dinner every night.

My wife said, well, why don't you just have Brandon come over for dinner on on Tuesday nights? And and, and Brendan doesn't mind me telling the story. He actually likes it and and and we've we talk about it all the time. He knows that I share this story quite a bit, but he, he would you know, my wife would cook for him. So it was like a night for him.

You know, he'd come over. He'd get the home cooked meal. He'd get to sit with my my family and be in my house, and then we'd go in the room and and we'd do our work for an hour hour and a half and and we got him all the way through the steps and and I explained to him okay well now you gotta go kind of give this message away and we won't be meet once a week anymore Oh I'm going to miss those dinners I'm going to miss coming over here Oh yeah A couple days ago by and I'd get a call he'd say Hey I got a real a real big problem He says I I need to come see you. I need to come see you. So can I come over this to okay?

Well, I yeah, yeah, come on over the next Tuesday beat her again. He call my wife while I was at work. Well, I might come over on Tuesday and just want to let you know okay well, why don't you come for dinner? Yeah, and, and he'd come over and then the next Tuesday to be the same thing and the next Tuesday be, oh, I got a problem. Can I come see you?

And, and I I got a little kind of frustrated I was thinking hey this guy's got to you know get out there and be working he actually was already working with others but I wanted him to take that time and and give it to somebody else and and, it was around June. I got this card in the mail, and I opened this card up, and it was a Father's Day card from Brendan. And it just said, you know, if if, you know, I think of you as a father and you've helped me out in my life and and I love you and love your family and stuff. And he'd written a sing and and it just kind of like pierced my heart, you know. It's one of those things that that Don talked about the Zorro, you know, that the blade is so sharp you can stick it in and pull it out without drawing any blood.

It was just one of those great things. And I really realized that, you know, that these people that we sponsor, they love us. They end up loving us, and and we do become family, to some of them. And they do and and, and, you know, at Brendan ended up moving in, as a you know, ended up moving closer to the house and moved in, like, a mile and a half away. He, today, he has a key to my house.

He has and and he comes anytime he wants. He calls I don't even sometimes I don't even know. He just calls and invites himself to dinner and my I'll come come home from work, and Brendan will be there, and we'll have have dinner. And he doesn't really even have anything on his mind. He's just kind of hanging out.

He doesn't have a particular particular reason. He just kinda I was like, well, did you need to talk or anything? Oh, no. No. I'm heading out.

See you later. You know, he just wanted to come for the food and kinda be with the family, talk, and and, it's just great. And we got a number of those kind of guys, these people. And and women too, my wife, sponsors and I was talking to Tom and Juanita about this. She had a period where she was sponsoring a lot of people, but none of them they'd get up to a men's or they'd bock an inventory.

They weren't she wasn't really getting these people to this place where they were actually all working with others and then just something just kind of changed. You know, the universe just kind of changed a little bit and all of a sudden she just got like 6 of these women right in a row and she couldn't believe it. She was just telling me, you know what? They're doing everything I'm telling them. She would say, yeah, go make your events.

They'd be calling. Okay. I did that. What's next? And she was, excuse me?

You know what? And and so now, you know, we've got these women, and they're all sponsoring other people and and, you know, we just got this really, really great thing going and and it's just, you know, the book describes us as a way of life that is not to be missed. And, I think it's, it's 11 o'clock. We will have some time for some more comments or questions, I think, if we wanna end with that. But, you know, I really feel like I've given what I came to give this weekend.

You know, I there there's probably many more things I could I could say, but I just kind of feeling pretty pretty complete For a retreat this weekend, and I'm gonna offer you this last little thing and that's that, another one more little deal and, and then we'll open it up for questions or comments for the weekend. But, it kinda brings everything full circle that one of my and I noticed there was a couple of Yankees fans here, and and that's okay with me. I guess you can you can you can stay. So, I think there was, like, 3 of them. I I I actually kept count.

I know you had a Yankee sat on. Somebody else had a Yankee sat. There we go. Yeah. And, but, anyways, I'm a big Seattle Mariners fan, and and the Yankees just have had this habit of destroying the Mariners.

So I I but I'm a Seattle Mariners guy, and I it's something I got into in sobriety. I never was into sports at all when I was when I was drinking. And I I got into it in sobriety. A sober guy took me to a game. I really liked it, and I started going to more games with them.

And then pretty soon, I kinda I've gone I'm kinda coming out the other end. I got real obsessive for a while and was going to way too many games. But I just something I really love. I love going. I love taking somebody I love with me.

And and baseball is a very slow game. It's kind of meditative for me. You know, there's lots of time between every pitch, and and I sit and talk. Like, I Tom and I could go to a game. We'd have a great time because we can even talk and tell stories and do things.

And then they you know, if you happen to catch some you know, they're the crowd will kinda let you know when you need to to look and but it's one of my favorite things. My favorite person in the whole world to be with is my wife, Shannon. And, and I was with Shannon. I'm at the ballpark doing my favorite thing. It was a sunny day, so the roof was was off where it's a day game.

We're watching, you know, my my team and we're just, you know, it's just a great, great day happening. And I am irritable and restless and discontent for some reason. And I've looked back on this this this and I really don't remember, but I think the Mariners must have been losing. And, but I was just not in that great of a mood. Here I am in this you know, I have this beautiful life.

I'm with the person that I love and that I wanna be with the most, and I'm doing my very favorite thing, and I'm just pissed off at the world, and I'm not being very nice to my wife, and and I'm, you know, I'm not talking, and I'm just kind of like, I don't know. Let's we should leave and and But the game got over. We were driving home, and my wife said, hey. Let's let's go down to the the beach. Let's just take a drive down to the the water.

We got it on Puget Sound. There's lots of beautiful beaches and stuff. And I said, well, she said, let's take a walk down to the beach and just take a walk in the sand and and, and, you know, the sun, you know, there was a day game started at 1 o'clock. So it was starting to get weird. Go down here.

Let's watch the sunset and just kinda walk in the beach. And and I said, well, I don't know. Let's go to the hall. And she said, no. Going to the hall isn't what I have in mind right now.

You know, going let's go to the, you know, I didn't mind going to the AA hall. Let's go down to the beach. So she won, and we got off the freeway got off the freeway. I'm still feeling a little irritated that now I gotta do something that I don't wanna do. I've been doing what I wanna do all day long.

Now I gotta do something I don't wanna do. So we're gonna go down to the beach and be romantic and walk in the sand. And and I I get off the the freeway, and we're going down. And, and I just we were going by this place and I just had this thought. And and my wife had never been back to the McDonald's and seen my little spot.

And I and I pulled off the freeway. Actually, my wife was driving, which is common. You know, I sniff glue in the 6th grade. So sometimes my my driving skills are not just point right on. So, my wife actually does a lot of driving.

She was driving that day and I told her, oh, turn off here. Turn off there. And I where are we going? I said, well, I'll show you. Turn off here.

We pulled in behind the McDonald's in this parking lot, and she said, oh, my god. This is the spot, isn't it? And I said, yeah. This is it. You know, that was right back in there between those little buildings.

That's where I used to hang out, and and that was my spot. And, of course, I was just, you know, filled with emotion back there looking at that spot. And right at that moment, a guy walks out between the buildings. Homeless guy walked out. And our car was parked right there and he looked into the car and I made eye contact with this guy.

And he and he kind of walked off. And I was just shocked. You know, it was like looking back into the eyes of my own soul. And, you know, Shannon in the way that she does said, hey, Kenny. You gotta go talk to this guy.

And I was like, no. No. No. I'm not gonna go talk to this guy. I just wanted to show you the spot.

No. No. You should you should just go just go see if you can catch him. Just go talk to him and tell him that you used to, you know, hang out back here. And okay.

So I got out of the car and I kind of walked up to this guy and and I talked to him. And it was a rough conversation at first. It was really tough. He was African American guy. And I said, hey.

I noticed you were buying that deal. And I'm all dressed in nice clothes and everything coming from the baseball game and and and, you know, just as white as you can be. My my nice little my nice little car with my wife and he'd seen us and I get out. Oh, I said, hi. How are you doing?

I saw you come from that little spot back there. And, and I said I said, you know, I used to do a lot of drugs and so he was kind of immediately defensive. Oh, is that what you think that we all are just a bunch of drug addicts? Took this took this seat and I was like, no, dude. It ain't about that at all.

I used to sit back there and do speedballs for hours and hours and hours on end. I mean, I couldn't get out of there and I I left there and I've been in AA and I've been sober this many years and and he kinda lightened up a little bit, and he sat down at a bus stop, and I found out he'd just come in on the train. And and I was able to tell him, well, you can go down here and you can get a meal. I told him you go down to fisherman's terminal, and they got free showers down there. And, you can get showers and talk to the guy for a while and, you know, I don't know whatever happened to him.

I don't know whatever happened to the guy. He wasn't really interested in getting clean and sober. I tried to tell him about, you know, he could come to a meeting and where I would be in the next couple of nights and that kind of thing. And and he was like, no. No.

That wasn't my problem. You know, I got screwed over on this job in Philadelphia and this and that. And and, you know, we had a lot of a lot of game left and and, and and so I just, you know, I just I didn't really try to, you know, preach to him or anything. It just was a nice doing. I actually sat and talked with this guy for like 45 minutes.

And I noticed that, you know, my life had changed an awful lot and I didn't didn't say this part. But when I walked into the, the Fremont Hall that night, I didn't have my shoes on. I had shoes, but they were in a bag and the reason I didn't have my shoes on is because I've been, shooting drugs in my feet and my feet were swelled up and hurt. Like, you know, it was painful to put my shoes on. And, and here I had this brand new pair of Nikes on and I had been to the Nike outlet deal that somebody told me about.

And I had a couple brand new pair of Nikes that I had anymore and I kept on my shelf in my garage just for the next time I needed a brand new pair of shoes and, you know, life was pretty good. And I'm sitting here with this guy and I noticed that his shoes are just tattered and torn and and, you know, I asked him, I said, what size shoes do you wear, dude? I said, I got a couple I just got some brand new Nikes here, man, and I got more at home. And and I took my shoes off and gave them to this guy. And, and he cried and I gave him, you know, what money I had in my pocket and, you know, told him about where he could find some help for different things and and, and left.

And and I got back to the car and, my wife was how was it? What did he what did he say? And what was it like? And where in the hell are your shoes? So we went and walked barefoot in the sand and You know, but it just the thing that gets me about that story is, god, how quickly we forget.

You know, I mean, I can be 2 hours out of one of these retreats and pissed off at somebody in traffic or or upset with my kid, just totally lose sight or I have to mow the lawn now. Right? Instead of I I get to mow the lawn or I get to help my neighbors or I get to go to work or or, those kind of things. So, I'm gonna leave you all with that. And and, do we want a question and answer time?

Is it is is there questions and comments that we'd wanna get? I think we still have probably about 5 minutes. Oh, we got we got some time on the on the CD. We're gonna we're just gonna end this session so it fits on the the CD or so. So, so I think that I am done talking.

So I'm gonna I'm gonna, leave it to the microphone for questions and answers now if anybody has any. And, we'll just see if there's anything that anybody would like to add, and we'll go from there. So Hi. My name is Dave, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Dave.

I don't have any questions or answers. I just have a comment. First, thank you. Mhmm. You've made me see that I want what you have, and and I am one of those hopeless ones, and you've given me hope this weekend.

Thank you from the depths of my soul. You're welcome. Thank you for being here. Yeah. I think we put this retreat on for Dave.

I've thought that from the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just happy that that Dave's here. It's funny Dave and I met the very first I think Dave might have been one of the first people I met when I walked up here to the gloria retreat center and, I found out he had a couple months sober.

So I was interested. And, and then we walked over, found out we're in the same building together. But then Dave said, oh, no. I must be in the wrong building. And he turned around and walked away.

It turned out he was in the room right next door to me. And he came back, so we've been we've been kind of roommates, and it's just been great. So you're very welcome, and and I think, My guess is that NAA Group is gonna take good care of you. I'm Mais, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm Mais, and I'm an alcoholic.

I know. And, thank you for being here and for everybody else too. I just moved back here about 6 months ago from Olympia, and I'm grateful that I got to meet you here even though I never heard of you there. Mhmm. And, you know, I wish I had come to your home group.

Oh, I assure you I'm quite famous. Yeah. I I believe it. But, I just oh, I know. I am not a sports fan, but my home group in Olympia, the Gold Harbor Friday night meeting, at least once every season, they do a group, trip.

They buy a block of tickets to see a Mariners game together. And so I did that just to be part of They use the money out of the basket for to buy those tickets? You didn't? No. I'm kidding.

No. Well, we would get a cheaper ticket, like $20 tickets or $10 tickets because I I bought 3 for my daughter and her boyfriend and myself. We all went to, actually, 2 of her friends, went to a Mariners game, which I had never done before. So, but as to be part of the group. And so that was fun to remember.

And I wanted to thank you for the, especially for the guided meditation because, I don't know how many years ago I did a similar, meditation with somebody else, and I don't remember when or where, but it had the lake and, and meeting the spiritual guide. And as soon as you said the word lake, the the image of the guide came into my mind, and I had totally forgotten about her. And, so it was like meeting an old friend again. So I just wanted to thank you for bringing back that memory and getting to learn that again. And I just wrote down some key words for myself so I could remember how to do it again.

I'm Michelle. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Michelle. I just have a a little something to say, and that is that, I think this weekend, what you've brought to my heart is something so dear, and that is, I I was able to remember where I came from. And it's been a long time that I since I've really, really, felt the hopelessness and remembered the devastation of where I came from.

And for a long time, I've been like, well, how can I help somebody else? You know? And da da da da. And you have lit that fire inside of me. And the candle now is so much brighter than it ever was.

And I'm gonna carry this message because I know without without what was so freely given to me, I would never ever be here today. Right. And I'm so grateful. Thank you. Thank you.

You know, I realized that I left something out. Can I and and I'll, I guess Linda had a comment too, but I'm gonna just pick this up while we still got time on the on the CD? I I don't know how I forgot this, but this return prayer and I won't spend more than just a couple minutes on this, but you can you can read this. And what this return prayer that I wrote on the board says is this. It says, god, as we come forth, as we return to our proper place in the world, our right thinking, our right attitude, our right knowledge, We give thanks for this weekend, this place of privacy, this place of safety.

We give thanks for our deepened awareness of your love for us, our love for our fellows, and our renewed commitment to live the spiritual life, and it ends with the amen. And the the idea of this is that I that we have retreated. We did that retreat prayer and we retreated on Friday night. And now here Sunday afternoon, we are going to return to our right place. And what that means is that our right place in the spiritual life is not here at the Glorietta Retreat Center.