12-step spiritual retreat in Santa Fe, NM

Course guy and and he was like, well, is it what is it? Do you want bankruptcy or divorce? I'll say, I'll take the bankruptcy today. Thank you. And here's my money.

And and okay, here's how it works. He says, you could take the kind of bankruptcy. He says, well, what type of bankruptcy do you wanna file? And I was, well, I didn't know there was any didn't know there was any choices here. And he says, well, yeah.

There's the kind where you pay the money back and there's the kind where you don't. And I'm thinking, what kind of a a what kind of an idiot am I yelling like that? You know? I said, I'll take the kind where you don't pay the money back. How's that?

Okay. Yeah. He so, he took care of it all for me. I filled out all the paperwork myself and and he did the filing stuff for the 125 or 175 or whatever. And, you know, when I got sober and actually, I was sober at that time, but when I actually worked the steps, and I started looking at my amends, I realized that I could have paid that money back.

I did that out of convenience. It was more convenient for me not to pay those people. So I went back and nice thing about a bankruptcy for anybody that's ever filed a bankruptcy, they give you a nice list and address and phone numbers and everything for every single creditor. So I had that there and I and I went back and I I have called and I took care of this years ago. But, you know, I called everybody on that list and explained to them that I was a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous, that I realized that I'd screwed them out of this money as a matter of convenience to myself, that it was a selfish thing to do, and that I wanted pay the money back.

And most of them set up ways for me to do it. So a few of them didn't, and and I I did have that advice that that if they won't take the money, then ask them for a favorite charity and donate the money to the charity. And I paid all that money back. So here comes my friend, Bob. You know, hard and fast rules.

Hey. I did it that way. That's the way you gotta do it. Well, this guy was, and and still is. He's a, a real estate agent now, but he was a machinist at that time.

And he'd been in an accident. He's got a hand that's, that's kind of goofy. He's got one. He's got a bad lamp and and he owed about $80,000 And he had, back child's pride, all kinds of stuff. So he, you know, had no money.

He would his check was gone every but I was just like, hey, man. I did it. You're gonna do it. You're gonna pay this deal back. And and and and, you know, I just love him so much for sticking with me through this deal.

He went out. I told him, well, now you gotta you gotta get a second job. You gotta go get a second job. You gotta pay this money back. He went and got a second job delivering pizzas at night.

So he was working at a machine all day long. And then he got a second job limping around, doing his deal, going door to door. This guy's 50 years old. Delivering pizzas at night for 2 years. And at the end of 2 years, he still owed $80,000.

Wasn't wasn't working. And I was thinking, well, what's wrong here? You know, God's gotta step in and, you know, maybe he's gotta, you know, God you know, I pray that Bob gets some bigger tips at the pizza delivery this week. So he'd pay these men's back. And and you know, what came to me was was I I and I don't know exactly how it came to me, and and, but it came to me that, you know, there didn't used to be bankruptcy.

And so there used to be, you know, poppers, prison. If you owed money and you didn't pay, they would just put you in prison until you worked it off. And, and it ruined people's lives. You know, people would go into debt and they would never ever recover. It would ruin their life forever.

And, and Abraham Lincoln stepped in and said, Hey, you know, I believe in forgiveness. It's kind of a part of our culture here. So why don't we come up for some some way that we can kinda forgive the debt to people? It's a it was a spiritual idea, this idea of bankruptcy. I took advantage of it, but Bob didn't.

You know, he actually filed because he couldn't pay and it was gonna ruin his life. And and 2 years into this deal, it finally occurred to me and I made an amends to Bob. And I said, you know, Bob, I think I've give you some bad advice here. You know, I think what we ought to do is I think, you know, we ought to let bygones be bygones. I think you can do whatever you need to do spiritually, but we're gonna, you know, go the route of asking for this debt to be forgiven.

That's why they have these laws. That's why these laws are passed. That's why you went before a judge and he said, your daddy is forgiven. Well, you don't. And so his circumstance was different than mine.

And it woke me up to the idea that I gotta be open and aware enough to realize that that different people have different sets of circumstances. You know, it would have killed that guy if you would have kept having to pay that back. And, you know, as soon as he was able to stop doing that, he was re replaced that, pizza delivery with real estate school. He was able to get away from the machine shop and start doing real estate. He's actually been pretty successful.

I mean, he makes a decent living for himself now. He's married now. He he had a, he's got a daughter that's just a beautiful daughter about 3 years old and and, you know, he's got some some good things going in his life. And, and, man, I you know, that hard I would've drove that guy right into the ground, probably. And, and I think about that story now.

I'm almost embarrassed about it. I am, kinda, you know, that I would that I had this guy out delivering pizza at night like that. Just did, out of ignorance, out of a lack of inspiration and intuitive thought. I really believe that. So I like to to to really look at 1011 as rather something like to kinda beat ourselves up with, and the book warns us.

It should be something to inspire us. That's the whole purpose of this deal, is to look for inspiration and intuitive thought in our lives and to to come up with these new ideals for what God's will is for all our day's activities and to and to go in and answer the questions and just kinda use it as a measuring stick like where am I at and and how am I doing today and being accountable to other people. And, There's a a deal here on page 88, and it says it works. It really does. There's, there was a guy in my group back in Seattle, and he's still around.

His name's Dan and, and he was one of these guys that was heavy into the steps that that priest that I told you that sponsored that guy, Jimmy, who was out making his amends, also sponsored my friend, Dan. Dan was in a a motorcycle accident when I was in early sobriety. And he went underneath the semi truck and he lost his arm and his leg, both on one side of his body. And, and I didn't know him really well. I'd heard, you know, his his story and his making amends and all that kind of stuff.

And, and he was one of these guys in A that kind of came up and say, hey, have you found God yet? Kind of guys. And I'd be like, oh, yeah. Alright. You know what?

And and but he was always just a really positive guy and I'd heard about this horrible accent. I hadn't seen him in a while and and, the first time I saw him was at a AA picnic. And he came walking towards me. He had a, prosthetic leg on. First time I'd seen him since his accident and no arm and he came walking towards me, came over and gave me a gave me a hug.

And the first words he said was, it works. It really does. It's the first words that he said. And then he told me the story of of how he was laying in the hospital bed and some lady came out of the blue to visit him. And he was feeling really bad for himself.

And some lady came to visit him and said, listen, I don't mean to bother you, but I heard you were in a motorcycle accident. And she said, my son was killed in a motorcycle accident recently And I just wondered if I could take your clothes home and do your laundry for you. You know, she knew that, like, all his clothes have been destroyed. She took them and brought back some new clothes and some stuff for them. And, you know, I I I've talked about, like, I like, you know, my vision working with alcohol and stuff, I think it's kind of a it's a good vision for me.

It's not too over the top, but I really like big vision guys and and we have some of those guys in a a, you know, Don. Don sees one of those guys that I see, you know, he's just got these these huge visions of change in the world, you know. He walked from Los Angeles to Washington DC. He's a AA member and he's really heavy in the Native American community. He does a lot of work and, you know, he's he's got these visions to sobering up thousands and thousands of people.

And he's wrote 8 books and, I mean, he's just, you know, got a a big vision. I like being around those kind of people. But Dan came out of this deal and it was at the time that the Clintons were really pushing for national health care. Again, I'm not in getting into politics at all here, but the Clintons were pushing for national health care. And as we all know, it didn't really work out.

But, they had a bus that they would that they were doing this tour on while they were trying to push Congress to to pass this national health care bill. They had this bus. Well, they heard about Dan's situation because the problem with Dan was he went under that semi truck when he was passing on the right. It was his fault that the accident happened. And so there was no insurance.

You know, there was no insurance. And the bills were in, you know, 1,000,000 of dollars And it bankrupted him and it bankrupted an entire his entire family and there was no way they could pay the bills. And so he became a lobbyist for this medical billing. He was on the bus, the Clintons put together and they found out and heard his story through papers or something and they got a hold of them and said, would you be willing to tour the country and talk about your situation and the need for national health care? And he said, well, sure he would.

And, and so he toured the deal, would did the big tour, and was talking with people and stuff. He's now got a career in politics. He's a professional lobbyist now and he's got a gift, the gift of gab like you wouldn't believe. He just always has has been that way. And, so he's got a career in politics back to Washington DC and thought, hey, I like this.

This is great. You know, I'm gonna find a way to to find some work and somebody offered him a job along the way. And and, so he travels now between Seattle and Washington DC all the time. But there I am watching the State of the Union speech and who is sitting with, with the first family in the balcony? This guy from the Fremont Hall AA guy that that went under the bus and lost his arm and leg is got asked to sit with the family and he got a private audience with the president of the United States.

Where he came and told the president his whole story about everything that had happened. Told him about it being a sober alcoholic and stuff. Said the president cried when he told him his story. Isn't that amazing? You know, it's it's amazing the transformations that take place, you know, in AA and the kinds of people we we get to be around.

And and, it works. It really does. It works. It really does. It's just a amazing thing that we get to be a part of.

I couldn't imagine being a part of I mean, you know, I work with people. I do things. I just can't imagine. Leave all the booze and drugs and all the past behind. I just couldn't imagine, a better way of life, you know, to get to be around and to be a part of these kind of stories and to see these transformations before our very eyes, all of these things.

So I'm gonna end there. And, it's a little after 4:30. I know we got dinner at 5:30, and then we're gonna have the the meeting at 8. I am gonna open it up for questions and answers so before we go. So so we do have some time, we will, turn the microphone on.

So I am gonna pass this this microphone around and, yeah. Turn it on before you before you start talking. There's a switch there. So My name is Tony. I'm an alcoholic.

I have a a question about our, you know, the nightly review in Yeah. Step 11, where it asked the questions. My particular practice is I I write it down every day because it I can't seem to keep focused that way. But I know you mentioned the 12 and 12 earlier. And I could be wrong if I'm wrong.

Please forgive me. But I know in our 12 to 12, it talks a little bit more about where the questions in our big book are sort of, I don't know how to say it, very specific about, or did we resentful, dishonest, selfish, afraid, yadayadayada. But in the in the 12 and 12, it talks a little bit more about, keeping track of positive things of assets Yeah. Per se in our 11th step. And and I don't know if you could if you have any experience with that or what your current like, what you do at the end of the day when you do your nightly review and what you're keeping track of in your 11th step?

Well, mostly when I do the 11th step, I'm doing the 11th step out of the big book. It's just been my practice for a long time. If it gets stale you know, and I'm I'm glad you asked the question that, you know, there we shouldn't ever adhere to just one particular thing. You know? It's it's, or to kinda sign on, like, this is my particular way because it will get stagnant and stale.

And it's good, like, you do some writing. I'm not currently doing writing, but I'm not opposed to that. It might come to me someday to to do some writing. But in that avenue of the positive things, that's what this is exactly. It's from the, you know, these ideas are ideas from exactly what you talked about, the 12 and 12 and focusing on some positive things that this is the the vision of God's will for me.

Every one of these things on my list is a positive thing. Every one of them. And the only thing I do is look at how I'm measuring up to them And and, hopefully, there's a lot of positive stuff in that. So, yeah. It's important.

Yeah. Hi. My name is Juanita. Hi, Juanita. Hi, Juanita.

I've done a lot of different things. I I like writing it. That doesn't mean I do it, but I like it. Mhmm. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I probably do it maybe, I said if if if I were looking in a year, there's maybe 30 to about 30 to 40 nights out of the a year where I actually sit and write, you know.

I look at my journal, you know, because I have this journal that I started and it goes it spans, say, 8 years, you know. And, it's like I there's this date, and, you know, so I look back and I go, oh, well, this is the times, the nights that I've sitting and I've written, you know, my nightly review. And but more often than not, I'm laying in bed and it's I'm putting it through. One thing though that I found very helpful in the last couple of years is that, you know, there's those days when I'm doing, watching throughout the day, my 10 step. And there's those days when it's less way less than perfect.

I mean, not not not a little less than perfect, but way less than perfect. Mhmm. And I'll go to bed at night, and I'll think, do I have a resentment? Oh, yeah. This is this is a resentment that tonight, I'm not gonna sleep.

Mhmm. I'm gonna have a I'm gonna have trouble sleeping. And not that I do it all the time, but more often than not, when I do have these these days, I sit down before I go to bed and I write a resentment inventory just because I know I can't stand it. I've gotta I've gotta sit down and and I put okay. This is my resentment.

This person, you know, why, What it affected? And then turn it around. This you know? Not forget the other person and just look where I'm at fault. Where am I to blame?

And I sit down and write that stuff. You know? And, it's not that I'm gonna share it at night, you know, 10:30, 11 o'clock at night. Sometimes if I wake up at 12:30 and go, oh, there it is again, and I sit down right. But I have it, and it's off my head, you know, and it's on paper.

So then I can, you know, call someone and share it the next day. Yeah. And, and I really like what you said that to keep it the same all the time, it does get stagnant just like my prayers, which I'm sure you're gonna touch on later on in morning meditation, you know, morning prayer meditation. If I don't change that up a little bit, you know, it gets old. Yeah.

Gets old. Yeah. It's just like blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah. You know?

Anyway. Mhmm. Yeah. Janice. Hi.

Janice, alcoholic. Thanks a bunch. What was I gonna say? Oh, I've had some experience and also some of the people I work with, in writing 11 Step, and taking a look at what it says in the book, it asks the questions. And and some of them, you know, can produce a little guilt.

Do we owe an apology? Where was I selfish? You know, it becomes this whole thing. What happens to me sometimes is it becomes this whole thing about remorse, which it talks about in the 4th step. You know, that, if I take too much of a focus on what's wrong with Janice and what she did wrong today, What happens is I start to do this spiral thing, and I start to feel really bad about myself.

And what I've been doing is putting more of a positive focus on as far as, yeah, there's those things too, and some of them I probably do need to discuss with someone. But, where it says, were we kind and loving towards all, I add the little thing with anyone. You know, was I nice to anyone today? Uh-huh. And I do ask myself, you know, was there something good.

Yeah. Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Did I think of anyone else? You know? It's kind of like, yeah.

Who did I think about? And instead of, you know, at all, it's kind of like, okay, who did I think about today? You know? And did I pray for my kids today? Did I think of my parents today?

And I try to take a more positive approach to it. And the other thing I wanted to, add to that part was you mentioned Emmet Fox, and he's a favorite of mine too. And in Sermon on the Mount, he talks about, scientific prayer Uh-huh. Which has become a real focal point for my, prayer and meditation. And I'm paraphrasing, and I may be missing the mark entirely, but what I got from what he talks about scientific prayer is really putting a positive spin on prayer.

Like, there's petition prayer Mhmm. Where I say, god, please help me, which is actually saying by default, I am nothing. You know? I need you, god. But then there's petition, scientific prayer, which is actually sort of affirming that, yes, I am connected to you, God, and, yes, you have given me the power to make amends and to make things right and to help other alcoholics.

And and what I have found is that my spiritual connection and sort of the science of my mind is much more grounded in God when I take a look at how am I really connected to God and getting current and sometimes applying, like, gratitude. You know, like, okay, what am I grateful for? Instead of always taking for me, it feels like a negative tack a lot of looking what's wrong with me and what I've done. And I do need to be careful of when I'm causing harm in other people's lives, But one of the biggest things that I do is I bludgeon myself with my own defects of character. In other words, I seem to still think, at this stage, that I should have enough power to remove my own defects.

And I don't offer them to God. I just go bad girl, and, you know, you better try harder tomorrow. And that kind of, you know, inventory does not work for me at all, and it does not help me feel connected to God. So I was wondering what you think about that. Well, you know, the book, the book warns us, you know, very specifically about that.

You know, but it says, but we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. So, you know, if the 10th step begins to drift, it means if it starts going that way, we put a stop to it. You know, we maybe change up something here and it it it does tell us that, that, you know that we alcoholics are undisciplined. So, we allow God to discipline us in this way. It doesn't mean like discipline like the beating it means discipline as in becoming a disciple of this AA way of life and and, and I do change things up.

I don't I don't go and ask always for the, you know, these very same questions. I'll do that for a while and it'll get stagnant and I'll go off. I do a lot of different meditation practices and morning meditations. And sometimes I do currently, you know, my wife and I are really in a groove with this. So a couple of things that we're doing, we're doing our morning meditations together in the mornings.

And and I have a place on my way to work where I stop and park every day. I park and I do some further meditation there. And a lot of it's not stuff that's that's in the book. But I will tell you this that in times of trouble, in times where things are I always know intuitively I go back. I break the book out and I actually read the questions and go all the way back to this.

But it is good to, you know, we don't let this it it should never be about, this drift into worry or more morbid reflection is like, I'm such a bad person. I'm such a bad person. I talked to a few people, at one of the breaks about this and I don't know I have a good answer for that, but, you know, we talked about it. We came up with a couple things, but, you know, why is it that it's so much harder to forgive ourselves than it is we could go forgive all these other people, but forgiving ourselves is hard. I'll make a wrong turn and end up getting off the freeway.

Or even worse, sometimes I'll get on the freeway going the wrong direction just because I yeah. And, man, I'll beat myself up like you wouldn't believe. I'll just be, God, you stupid idiot. You know, what are you doing? Why are you doing this?

You're going the wrong way and, you know, maybe a 5 minute deal, but I'm just really, I'll be harder on myself sometimes than I will other things. And I think that that AA did have kind of a realization that some of this stuff was occurring and and, and and a lot of that, you know, a lot of the the 12 and 12 stuff, I think people have a problem with it sometimes because, you know, our problem is rooted in selfishness and self centeredness. And I needed that beating of going through the steps that first time and having somebody really rub my nose in it and stuff. I needed that but but, you know, I don't take my inventory today to somebody that's gonna beat the crap out of me. I won't do it.

I won't. I well, I've been there. I've done that. It was a great experience. I'm forever grateful to that man for rubbing my nose and making the blinders come off, but I I don't I don't, you know, I go I find people that are maybe a little more loving and compassionate today to read my inventory when and people that aren't gonna beat me up too bad because I beat myself up plenty bad enough.

So, you know, and I like that. Some of this stuff is a real positive spin on some of these some of these ideas. It's a little different way to do our daily reviews. And so, yeah. I hope that addresses that clearly that, you know, clearly we should never do that, you know, to beat ourselves up.

Says in here, it diminishes our usefulness to others. Yeah. Tom's got a comment. Tom, alcoholic. Hey, Tom.

I just wanted to, revisit that thing of the bankruptcy and all that. Yeah. Yeah. And, with this reminding we were up in Durango a couple of weeks ago at the men's retreat, and, this reminded me of something that I found myself getting into a little bit. And and it's hard to talk about it.

It's hard to put it into words exactly, but, it kinda goes back to in the 4th step where it says, talks about, the grouch and the brainstorm are not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men. It's like it's doubtful that that it's okay for them, but maybe it is. But for us, it isn't okay. For us, it'll kill us.

You know? And so it's kinda like I mean, it's not kinda like, it's it's exactly like that I am called to a higher standard than any than other people are. I I believe that, and part of that is because I'm trying to, live in direct opposition to how I lived my life before, stealing from people, borrowing money, never paying it back, you know, just the disgusting way that I lived. I think I have to live opposite of that today. And what we got into, I don't even know if these guys remember it, but I hit on a little bit that, you know, the general morals in our country today, you know, like a CEO or something, you're stupid if you don't steal from the company.

You know, take all this money and then run off and leave the stockholders holding the bag, and that's becoming like the moral standard for our country now. Now. I mean, I'm not getting into politics either. I'm just saying I've noticed this on a on a national level over the last 20 years, you know, that I've been sober and have been aware of such things. And I think we're called to do it differently.

I know we are. You know? And it's not because we're better. It's because we're sicker, probably. You know?

But, at any rate so going back we're spiritual people. Yeah. And but I have to be. You know what I mean? It's the old thing of if, you know, somebody said if any of us get into heaven, it'll be because we're backing away from hell.

Yeah. And that that's that's been my that's been my experience. You know? I wished I I would do this stuff from virtue, but I I don't, and I never will, I don't think. Yeah.

But that's okay. It doesn't I'm not worried about my motive for it. I'm worried about doing the right thing. So with the bankruptcy thing, you know, today, I think that that that the kind of the the moray of the country is, like, we'll go into business and take a big risk because it doesn't matter anyway. You just go bankrupt and you can get off the hook.

You know? I mean, people do it daily. You know they do. You know? And, I I don't think that's okay.

I really don't think that's alright. And, I do see going bankrupt if, you know, you have to buy yourself some time like in the case of your guy. Mhmm. But a lot of people don't know this, and I it's not a story out of school. I mean, he told me this, but Don went bankrupt Mhmm.

At one point because he got into credit card debt. And the reason he did that was because it was going to affect Jackie. You know, it was gonna affect his family, but he paid off every cent of it. You know? He he did.

So my my deal with that is that, you know, when I talk to you guys, it's generally don't go bankrupt. It's not a good idea. If you have to if you have to to get the wolves off your back so that you can reorganize and get your stuff together, that's one thing. But just to as a cop out, I I don't agree with it. You know?

Yeah. Is there anything more? No. No. I don't.

I just, I do wanna address one thing that you said, and I hope that that I'm not capping anything that anybody said. But this is another 12 and 12 kinda woo woo thing. But the, and I say that because I know that sometimes big book people, which I am, and I want to be very clear about that. When somebody comes to my house, I'm reading a big book to them. Don't don't, get me wrong here.

This is this is something that I might recommend to somebody that's been sober for a while and has been through the work in the big book, understands, you know, why they're saying some of these things. But but, you know, Bill does say, like, in in early sobriety says, you know, that it is a forced feeding on humble pie. He says, and that's that was that was the deal that I had in that first fit step. The forced feeding on humble pie. I had to, you know, swallow and digest these huge trunks of truth about myself that I did not wanna look at.

But he does say that there is another way, you know, this way of seeking humility as a desirable way of life. And I really do believe that that is possible even for a guy like Tom. You know? You know? The to to seek humility as it is may not be real, real successful.

I don't know how successful I am, but that's my vision of God's will for me today. I think that my vision of God's will for me is to be a guy that seeks humility as a desirable way of life. You know, I desire to have that humility that I see in in my sponsor, Tim, on his job. You know, I desire that today. I desire the the humility that we saw in Don and and we see in so many of these other guys.

I may not be there yet, but I sure do desire that. You know, I I hopefully am not gonna forever you know, my vision of God's will for me, I will say, is not to forever be having to learn lessons the hard way. You know, I think God has a bigger vision for me than that that I I can, and I'll say this that one vision I have and I've shared this with a lot of people and I think we'll we'll wrap this up with this, but, I'm not there yet. Believe me, I'm a long ways from this, but I'm gonna get there And and and and I really believe I will, that I'm gonna get to a place, and and and I hope everybody laughs at this because there is some humor in it, but I will get there. I'm gonna get to a place where I can sit in the AA meeting calmly and peacefully no matter what anybody says or does.

Yeah. I believe that's the vision of God's will for me, that I can sit in the a meeting and be peaceful regardless of what anybody else has to say. And not only that, but and the big book tells me this. You know, it the big book tells me that the more open minded I am of other people's ideas, the more what does it say? The more useful I become.

So this deal is about being more useful. The less judgmental I am, the less, attacking I am, the more accepting, the more open minded I am. The book tells me the more useful I am. Says, if I don't argue, like, they talk about when you go into a church or something. It says, if you don't argue, you'll find that you have a lot in common with these people.

You You know, these people are all possessed of a spiritual experience. If I don't come get down a little, oh, okay. That really drives me nuts. I'm gonna argue about this stuff. So I don't you know, I hope I live long enough to get to that place, but it sure is, you know, on this vision of god's will that I have for myself that that would be what god would have for me would be to be a person that was less judgmental.

So Shall we close? Okay. Well, thank you very much. I'm gonna go ahead and we'll we'll turn the this tape off and we'll take care of a couple of, announcements maybe. And I actually didn't wait for the thumbs up from Dave here, so Dave, are we okay?

So I'll say one more time. Good morning, everybody. I'm Kenny. I'm an alcoholic. Good morning, Kenny.

And, I we will be doing a meditation this morning, probably about a 15 med meditation. So, as opposed to starting with a prayer now and some silence, we'll just, I'll take care of just saying a few things that are on my mind here this morning. And then I'm gonna do another lead meditation. And, so we'll just kinda gear down here a little bit. But I just wanna take this time right now to thank everybody for having me come here to New Mexico and to be here at this retreat.

And I'm just absolutely and completely and totally filled with gratitude this morning as a result of the experience that I've had coming here to New Mexico and meeting all of you and and revisiting some friends and and some acquaintances and making a lot of new ones. And I hope that you'll all stay in touch with me. I did put my name and phone number and email address up on this board, and I really, encourage people to use this, especially if you're gonna come to the Seattle area. Please give me a call and and, give me some warning that you're coming. That's always nice.

And, and then we'll airport. Yeah. That's It's funny. Shannon and I actually get a lot of those calls where somebody calls and, hey, I'm in town and and and we had no warning and we're like, well, that's great, but I'm on my way out to the movies with my family. So so give me some warning and we'll take very, very good care of you when you come.

So we'll give you the same kind of treatment. So, you know, I've had a great experience here. Besides this retreat, you know, I've I've just been treated, so graciously and I appreciate the the gifts, the comments, and the love that I've received from everybody here. This morning, I've had a chance to, you know, see Santa Fe at night with, with the beautiful lights. And I've had a chance to, get taken up to Chimayo.

I've had a chance to see the Laredo Chapel. I've had a chance to see downtown Santa Fe in the day and all of the vendors and stuff. And I've had a chance to eat the red chile. So, I really feel like I actually have been to New Mexico now, and I and I owe that to you guys. I really appreciate that.

So, with that, I am going to, be doing a lead meditation. I'll tell you a little bit about the meditation that we're gonna do. I'll kinda, I'll I'll bring the chime and just for the the purpose of the the the burner there that's making the CDs, we are not gonna take this this particular meditation. We won't tape this. So we will be shutting it off and turning it back on at the sound of the chime.

But, we're gonna be probably in meditation this morning for about 15 minutes. And like I've tried to do all weekend, I've tried to give people a vision of where we're going so that everybody is comfortable. And I I think that's really important that we we kinda lay that out there. So this morning, we're gonna do another lead meditation. We'll be playing the music.

You'll hear the sound of my voice and I'll guide us through a meditation. And this this particular meditation is gonna be similar to the quiet place meditation. But this time, we're gonna kind of go down a trail and I'll, describe the trail for you. And we're gonna go to a dock, and we're gonna find a boat. We're gonna go out, on a little lake and find a waterfall.

And we're gonna go in behind the waterfall. And in that space, we're going to visit with the spirit. And so you will be visiting with your spirit, your spiritual guide, your guru, your savior will be there when we get there. And I just wanna remind people that and we're gonna visit. We're gonna spend some time there visiting and then we're gonna come on back to the here and now and then we'll we're gonna do 2 sessions this morning.

And it's we're here to talk about the 12 step this morning. And I've got some really great stuff to share with you all about my experience and some things that have happened in my life and the lives of a lot of other people because of the 12 steps, the the 12 steps. So with that, we'll just start And I I just wanna remind people during this meditation, if you find yourself getting distracted, at least just remember that this is a practice. It's something hopefully you can take with you if it's something that you enjoy. So we're just gonna get comfortable.

We'll kind of focus on our breathing a little bit, and then we'll just kind of let yourself go. And also, there is, a couple of little courtesy things for meditation. People wonder, like, sometimes like, well, what do you do in meditation when somebody next to you falls asleep and starts snoring? And at that point in meditation, what you do is you do come out of meditation and wake the person up and just say, hey, you know, then come back to the meditation. And it happens more than once, you know, especially, you know, people that may have stayed up all night playing cards or something.

So, so we will be doing our meditation this morning. And, I'm gonna go ahead now, and, I'll start the music and set the chime, and we'll we'll go. So get comfortable. Welcome back, everybody. So, we'll talk about the meditation just for a minute, and then we're going to kind of bring our view back.

And I hope that that is a meditation that you can all, take back with you and use. It's a meditation that, Shannon, my wife, and I use use often. It's a meditation that was given to us by a minister that we know, and and one he used and we liked quite a bit. And so, I've used it in in several retreats, and and and it's, it's a place, you know, that that we do have this quiet place that we can go to, or you can use this meditation or the other one that we did earlier and find that there is a quiet place that you can go to within yourself for answers to to this stuff, and that that is the, when agitated or doubtful, we pause part of the 11th step. It can be the morning meditation part of the 11th step or the review at night.

It can be the way that we review all of the the sex security in society, the vision of God's will for us to go and find guidance to what our heart's desire is. So, with that, I'll I'll I'll say a couple of things. I was I did a a a retreat one time in Akron, Ohio, and there was a guy there that had, received a head injury. And so he'd received, you know, a pretty bad bump on the head. And and and he was with us the whole time, but his memory, his his his short term memory was really, you know, had been affected by this accident that he had.

So, you know, a a day and a half into the retreat, he would see me. He would say, oh, you're the guy that's doing all the talking, aren't you? You know, and because he had this deal in in the moment he was present, he would just come through with these brilliant things in the moment. You know, when he was right there, we we got done doing a meditation and I said, did anybody notice anything? And he raised his hand right away from the meditation.

And I said, oh, yeah. And he said, well, the music got louder. And, did you notice I I don't know if anybody noticed, but I turned the music down twice during that meditation. Got up and went over here, turned the volume down twice. He said, well, the music got louder.