The 2nd Anniversary of the Into Action Group in Plymouth, UK

Please come to share her experience, strength, and hope. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. My name is Ruth, and I'm an addict.

Hi. I was thinking today about how, you know, whenever I'm asked to share, I will start by saying what a privilege it is to to be able to sit here and and to be asked to share. You know, it feels like a a a special privilege tonight to share on my thank you's second anniversary meeting. And I I thought to myself, what do I actually mean by that? That it's a privilege to to be able to share.

And, there's many levels to it. And if for one thing, it's a privilege today to be able to sit here and do this, to be able to just actually to physically sit here in front of a room full of people and speak what I know about recovery. You know, that's a that's a real privilege because, you know, it wasn't always like that. There was a time when I couldn't look people in the eye, you know, when going to pick my daughter up from school was a nightmare, you know, and just these kind of ordinary things that I couldn't do in my everyday life, you know. And it's a privilege today that I don't have these problems.

I don't I don't constantly feel uncomfortable in my own skin, you know, and, I feel like a person who has something to give today. And, you know, that's a that's a wonderful thing. It's also a privilege. It's a privilege to be asked by my home group, to be asked to come here and do a job and to be trusted and given that responsibility to do that job properly. You know, that that too is a wonderful thing because, again, you know, there was a time when people wouldn't trust me to do anything.

You know, I could not be relied upon. I would give my word left, right, and center, but I would never follow that through. I just simply was not I wasn't able to, with all the best intentions in the world usually. You know, I just wasn't able to do that. And and it's it's a privilege because, you know, what what I know and what I've read about the beginnings of of the 12 step program.

You know, I feel very lucky that we have a meeting here. You know, and I feel very lucky that I'm part of such a strong home group that that shares a good message of recovery. You know, as I say, my life hasn't always been like this. You know, I started off like a lot of people using drugs as a teenager. You know, I didn't feel comfortable with who I was and the drugs came along and and they seem to offer some relief from that.

I'm not gonna pretend that that taking drugs wasn't fun for a while, you know. I had some really good times, but it didn't stay that way, you know. It it it went on for many years, and it just just got worse and worse, you know. Eventually, drugs were using me. I wasn't using drugs, you know.

And they they were controlling everything that I did. You know, this got to be a problem. It was a it was a a mental obsession constantly. I would be thinking about drugs. I'd be thinking about where the next drug drugs were gonna come from, you know, and all of these things.

And I would also be constantly thinking about the fact that I didn't wanna be doing this. You know, I knew. I I suppose it wasn't until I I got onto drugs that I became physically addicted to. That that was when I began to get an idea that I might have a problem. What I know now looking back is that is that drugs were always a problem.

And even before drugs, I had a problem. But I didn't understand that. And and so, you know, it was within my using, it was only when I became physically addicted that I began to think, you know, this is not good. But I could not stop. You know, every day, I would think to myself, I don't wanna do this.

I really don't wanna do this. And yet, I would just go through the same thing every single day and and I would carry on and on. There was just nothing I could do about it. Several times, I got to a place where I've had enough. And several times, I tried to put down the drugs, but I didn't find at that time, I didn't find something that would take the place of the drugs.

I didn't find a solution. Or perhaps I wasn't completely ready to hear it. You know, and and I and I would I went to NA meetings several years ago and and I didn't hear a message and, you know, I would maybe stay clean for a little while, but I would be straight back out there. As soon as things didn't go my way, you know, drugs were my solution and and I would go back to that. But eventually, you know, I've reached a point where I really could not take anymore.

My life actually was was it had been worse in in a in a physical sense. It had been worse. You know, I I I had a home just about. You know, I was working just about, you know. There were there were these things in my life so that from the outside, it looked reasonably okay.

But inside, I was just falling apart. I just I could not go on any longer. And for me, step 1 was actually it came after I put the drugs down yet again. And, I looked around me and I realized that that I hadn't changed, that I was carrying on doing exactly the same things that I'd always done. And, I just couldn't earn it anymore.

I couldn't carry on like that. So finally, I was serious. And, finally, I was ready to listen and I was ready to I was ready to hear someone else's ideas, you know, rather than all my life I've relied on myself and on my own ideas and it got me nowhere. And, I came to this meeting. I came here because I knew people here.

I knew people that, you know, were living a productive life and that had recovered, and and I wanted some of that. And I came here and I got myself a sponsor and I applied myself to work in these steps. And, you know, it it was very simple. It was simple because it was laid out in front of me. It was it was shown to me by example.

You know, nobody was saying I have to do this and I have to do that. You know, people gave me suggestions. You know, my sponsor took me through the steps, and I was shown by example that I could have a different life. And that's what I did. You know, I worked through the steps and I applied myself to it.

And, I have a very different life today. And, you know, I would urge anybody who wants this different way of life. Get yourself a sponsor, work through the steps, and you too can recover. Thank you. I'll leave it at you.

Thank you, Zoe. I will now hand you over to Zena. And I'll start with, I don't like sitting here. You know, I'm sitting here to share my experience and hope towards the newcomer. You know, I have a group like this in London.

I've fledged with these groups for quite a while. I'll I'll start with, you know, I've been looking years in recovery. I've got 6 and a half years clean a year with a program, and that's quite significant to me. You know, in in my using, I I felt really uncomfortable with myself, restless, discontent, just wanted peel on my skin. I hated being me.

You know, I always felt different. Always a loner and always on my own. And I have this went on for many years. And like Ruth said, I I found drugs and, that seemed to make me feel better. You know, escape me from my feelings, reality.

And like I said, I came to recovery 11 years ago. Around for four and a half years. I was in another program. I didn't have a sponsor. I wasn't working, the steps, and, consequences that I was in and out of the fellowship.

I also have been in fellowship six and a half years clean, but I still didn't have a program. I've done steps 1, 2. I got myself a sponsor, and I've done steps 1, 2, and 3. I put myself into college, went to uni, and I put back first. And, you know, I stayed clean through it, but I wouldn't suggest that to anybody, you know, knowing what I know now with getting myself a sponsor and and work in a program, I would definitely choose that way.

And I have chose that way. Yeah. There's, you know, if there is any, you know, newcomers, there is a solution at this meeting and it's about putting the action in. I didn't get anywhere with not putting action in. You know, I'd half heartedly get down on my knees and, do a gratitude list in my head.

I'd pray in my head. You know, I needed the whole package. I needed discipline. I've never had discipline. You know, my other sponsors whether I was ready to hear it or not.

You know, I find my sponsor every day. I didn't have that with my other sponsors. I needed discipline, you know. And like I said, I've been flirting with these groups for, a little while, and, you know, the message here is so crystal clear. You know, I need that.

It keeps me on the right path doing what I need to do, you know. And I have God in my life, which, you know, for me, is a real strong ingredient of this package of the program. And, thinking of others and helping other people, giving what I've freely been given. I'm passing it on. So, hopefully, they will pass it on, Darren.

You know, God, I'm thinking about this is quite relevant in my life right now. Now. And, you know, I lost my dad, 2 months ago, and I was struggling for, you know, for about 2 weeks, really struggling. I just felt like I've gone back to day 1 of when I came into recovery, And it wasn't until, my sponsor mailed me in and and said, you need to, you know, be thinking of other people. And I said, well, I am thinking of other people.

I'm doing my suggestion. And he said, you need to step it up, and I stepped it up. And I can't believe how I've changed, you know. I've got my perception and attitude, you know, from my step 4 is just changed completely round. You know, I'm grateful to actually this I hear and sharing, although I don't like it.

It's not very nice. Yeah. So if there's any new comments, you know, there's a solution in this room and you can walk away and not use 1 PM, I'm gonna add it. Hi. First things first.

Welcome to, Ellie Newcomers. As much as, you know, I'd I'd, you know, the idea of sharing to my sponsor and my my home group members goes through my head. The the message that I've got is for the newcomer. You know, to today is it's been a good day. I haven't hurt anybody.

I've not, I didn't wake up obsessing over drugs. And I've not beg, stole, or borrowed. That's a good day, you know, from where I've came from. It's it's a far cry from the life that I've lived, and, you know, if you're looking in the room and and and you identify with these things I've just spoke about, I identify back, if that makes any sense. You know, there's a solution if you want it.

There really is. I'll I'll explain a bit about myself really. You know, Zena spoke about a few, traits that she had growing up, and I identify with them. And myself, I never this is all with the gift of hindsight. I never felt like I fitted in anywhere.

I really didn't, and that's just not an and I cliche. That that's the reality. I lived, I lived in the bubble that my fear kept me in. I I found it quite hard to interact with people. I applied it on.

Life wasn't all kind of, big downer. You know, I had good moments, but there was there was something that wasn't right. Just something, and I I always had this need to kind of make myself feel better. I really did. Again, with with hindsight, I can say that.

And and cutting that story short, really, when drugs came along, you know, I took them. I took them. I really did, and and I they have great potential. You know? And and like someone said, it's great times.

I had some great times using drugs. Really did. They they they still stand as the best, second best, second best solution that I've ever had in my life. They they sorted me out. For my nature, they were just brilliant.

But the fun ran out. It doesn't really matter how many years it took for me to for it to bring me to my knees, but the fun ran out. And things, yeah, they they didn't, I wanted out. I wanted out from this this life that I've once chose. I needed to get out of it.

And I couldn't, you know. Obviously, I'm cutting this down a lot, but I soon realized that I couldn't I couldn't get out of it. And these are the things that define me as an addict. When I say I'm an addict, this is this is what I mean. I could not put drugs down.

I could not do it. So I've had moments. I will rephrase that. I did. I never found it easy.

I never found it hard to have 2 weeks since away away from drugs. And that that was pretty easy. I could do that, but the pattern was I'd always go back. I would always go back. I could not, leave them alone.

I I just couldn't do it. And I I went off to one of these famous institution, infamous institutions, and got myself some clean time. That that's what I did. And when when I eventually came out, I thought, see, I wasn't one of these, these people that that went to an institution, comes out and and tries 10 different sponsors. I wasn't I actually came out of the institution and thought, that's it.

I'm fine. You know, I didn't even think of anything. I decided to go about things my own way, and thought that I was thought I was fixed, Thought that I wouldn't wouldn't wouldn't need any of this. And but but surely enough, it came through. My nature came back, and I found myself like I spoke about, when I was the traits I had when I was younger, I just wanted to feel better.

I wanted to feel better. I was miserable. It wasn't this our our girl was not like normal people, you know. I had normal things around me, but I wasn't. I was unhappy.

I was miserable. Life was dull without drugs. It just it just was. It just there's a big gray cloud that used to follow me everywhere, and I just couldn't it just wasn't realistic, you know. It was either do something about it or use drugs, you know.

It really was. Somebody said it earlier. I think it I think it was Ruth, either one of the 2, that I I I need some I need a replacement in my life. That that's what I needed. You know, I found it by working the steps, and getting a sponsor, obviously.

You know, and a sponsor is somebody that's, that has this experience of working through the steps and they can show me. And I heard somebody, in a meeting, that that, you know, they they they shared their message and I just had something. You know, otherwise, I've been one of these people that's always sat in meetings and just plotted you down for. I really have. That that's that's what I'm about.

I just I can't I'll I'll judge you. I'm sitting judging you. I'm not listening. I'm not. I'll just pick up on the differences, and I hate them, you know, basically.

But, I I heard I heard a man, that had something to say. I liked what he had. He didn't have this this this tragic, how can I put this this this tragic and I broke the washing machine character about him? He didn't he had, he had something, and and I asked him. And Luckily enough, I was in a position where I've had enough for myself.

I've had enough, and it all fit together. And I hope that makes sense the way I've just put that. And I, you know, I asked him to sponsor me and it's just been it's been brilliant. You know, life is life is brilliant. It it, you know, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Like I said at the start, the fact that I wake up and I don't think about drugs. I don't go to bed and think about whether I've got enough for the morning or what I have to do. That that that's not in my in my life today. It's, yeah. It's very different.

Life still has its ups and downs. That doesn't mean just because I don't obsess over drugs that life doesn't throw certain things at me, that can that can get in the way. But I have the tools that I need through this program, to to deal with it, you know, through through sponsorship and helping others, of course. You know, and and when I say I'm I'm you know, this this this message is for the newcomer, You know, in in without this turning too selfish, it's just because I benefit from this. You know, this is this is what I do today, and I'm happy.

I didn't have to be dragged here today. I didn't, you know, my my friends from my home group didn't have to come and grab me by the hair to get me to this meeting tonight. This this was an exciting and and yeah. To to be able to look at all of you in the eye, that that action alone, it says a lot from the person I used to be that just couldn't lift their head up. You know?

You know, I would walk a 2 mile out of the way because I could not get on the bus. I could not get on the bus and and the double deck buses and have people look at me. I could not do this. And and this was the type of person I was. And it's just very different today.

And the solutions in the room, if you want it, it it really is. And I will leave it there on that note. I want to think. Yeah. The like I said, there's the solutions on offer, and I hope yeah.

I hope that what I've what I've said, people can identify, be part of it, or or be attracted to it. I wouldn't swap what I've what I've got with with anything. I'm quite happy with who I am today. Again, for somebody that always wanted what you had or what you had or didn't like this about myself, it's it's so different. I believe I truly believe with the passion that it's because of, because of the 12 steps and, like, what comes with that and sponsorship.

Yeah. You know, you yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you. Oh, now I hand you over to Leanne.

Hi, Leanne. Hello. I'm Leanne. Leanne. You know, it really is, a great privilege to be asked to share here at, Interruption's 2nd anniversary.

It was strong this week and I achieved a sponsorship, but I asked for sponsorship, sponsorship, but I asked for sponsorship to sponsorship and, worked towards my recovery. And, I can honestly say it's been the best thing that I've ever done. You know, it's, turned my life around. You know, I'm definitely no longer the person I was when I locked in the door. That's that's for sure.

And, it's given me a lot more than I actually, thought I might get out of it. You know? I just wanted my head to stop. That's all I wanted. You know?

And, I received a hell of a lot more than that. You know? When I, when I found drugs, you know, for me, it was, I loved it. I loved the feeling it gave me. I, I just thought this is it.

You know? I'm gonna be able to use drugs the rest of my life and always feel like this. And I really truly believe that. You know? It just gave me everything.

You know? And, and I enjoyed it for quite some time. But I didn't actually see or realize the damage I was doing at that time. I felt like I was in destruction. And, you know, I never took anybody's feelings, thoughts, and decipitation.

I destroyed everything in my path. You know. And I couldn't see what I was doing. I couldn't see that I was doing any of this. And, as time went on, and, I think the drugs, no longer worked for me.

You know? And I started to ask myself what's wrong with me, and I started to believe truly believe there was other things wrong with me. You know? That, you know, I'd I'd I'd use it rather than they just wouldn't work. And I would think, well, you know, I don't know.

You know, what is that? I go to doctors. I go to psychiatrists. I I basically burnt out all the resources I was looking for help. You know?

And then it came to the fine, you know, the final time for me was when, I I just felt like I was on a big black cloud. There's I believe that, you know, I'm gonna be okay. You know, I wasn't. You know, I wasn't okay. And I struggled.

I really, really struggled with life. I couldn't deal with life at all. I couldn't, like, I couldn't deal with the simplest of tasks and going shopping, you know, happy to make a decision. You know, I mean, I'll give you a little example. I go shopping, and I fill up my foot in trolley shopping trolley, and I get to the braid aisle.

And I'd be faced with a hound of loaves of bread. And I could make a decision. So what I'd do is I'd need the trolley in the middle of the aisle and back it off. You know? That was me.

I just wouldn't. You know? I couldn't do this. It was I wouldn't. You know?

I couldn't do the things. I'm, I couldn't deal with my child, my relationships. Nothing. You know? I really truly thought there's something else wrong with me.

And, I went down the aisle of this psychiatrist, doctors, medication. Nothing worked. And it got to a point where I felt that, suicide really did seem like an option. You know? I I just wanted out.

You know? I really truly wanted out. I want I'd wake up in the morning going, oh god. You know? I mean, I woke up again.

Woke up again. I even spent at some times, I spent 17 hours, right, in my bed. You know? 17, 18 hours. And and it got to the point where I couldn't even sleep.

You know? I'd be, like, trying to sleep, and then I'd be dreaming, and then I'd be have that, oh, this horrend horrendous times to my sleep my sleep patterns were up to hell. I just I just wanted to die. Simple as. You know?

And it was shortly after that, that I, heard my spouse. And finally, And I made the effort to come down to Plymouth, you know, to, because I was so desperate to find something, and I heard my. And, the recap of that, I came to this meeting, and the same guy was sitting in the room. You know? And I went up to him, and I asked him for sponsorship.

And it's the best thing I ever did. It was wonderful to come into a meeting also and listen to everybody sharing, you know, with conviction and all sharing that there was a solution. Because I truthfully didn't know there was a solution. I didn't know there was a way out. I really did not.

And I found it and I found it here. I found it in this room. You know? And I I could really, really listen, and I became willing, you know, to to be sponsored. You know, I allowed myself to be sponsored.

I was willing. I mean, what else what else could I do? What else could I go? You know? This was it.

This was the final straw. And today, it's an absolute privilege, and it's, you know, I sponsorship steps and that's it. And service for me today is a pleasure to do. You know, I never thought I'd ever see it because, you know, I I never think about anybody work for myself. Who the hell who the hell was I gonna ask?

Oh, are you alright? I didn't care if you're alright or not as long as I was alright. You know? And, today, you know, it's not like that. I've got a family back in my life.

I've got my children. You know? I have good friends in my life today. You know? And I have this program which I put first in my life today.

And, you know, I'd be of service whenever possible. Through work in this, program, I've also, got in touch with a higher power, you know, and, that's wonderful because I can tap in at any time to my, to a higher power. And, you know, I really do feel peace of mind today. It is a good way of life. Of course, you know, that are the, of course, life goes on.

There's gonna be things in life, you know, that come and then hit us sideways. The thing is I don't believe that there's nothing you can't put through with the use of this program today. You know? I'm glad to leave it there, but thank you very much for listening. And now I'll hand you over to Chris.

Thanks. My name is Chris and my lady. Hi. It's good to be out. You know, I've done a lot of stuff to just have a first bite.

Yeah. You know, about And I opened the arm and she says, I love you but I don't like you. You. Don't ever show your face around you again. And I was experiencing myself at that time.

I've had any trucks in me. And it was truly horrendous. 3 days after that, the big guy told me, congratulations. You're a dad. And I thought, you know, why would you be better off without me?

That's how I was thinking. And I made a decision that I wasn't gonna use. I decided to stop using. And I'm also having that prison light picked up about 15 minutes. I don't know why because I was in so much pain.

I just didn't know why, you know. Couple months down the road, I end up in a treatment center. I got this treatment center. And, you know, I asked the sna and I went to happy about it to be honest with you. You know, it wasn't my trusted training centers.

Now they told me I'd rather find some willpower. And as I was walking out the door they said to me, get yourself a girlfriend. Get yourself a good job and I'd love to slide up without dropping my body. I wouldn't have killed myself and I was experiencing myself again. And I don't understand what was wrong with me.

And I've been going away, and I was desperate. And I asked some guy to sponsor me and he said, you're not fighting yourself. What a fucking joke. You know, faith in myself. I I just know.

And, I've been back to these meetings and, you know, I came to the meeting and I go outside as soon as the sheriff finished and I have a and I thought the meeting was out there. I didn't know where the power was. I didn't have a clue. Nobody got in my face. 8 months later, I'm clean without dragging my body for the first time in a long time.

I'm I'm sitting in my home and I'm looking at the window thinking I'll be better off dead. And I was thinking, this sound right. And and and I did. I cried out to a girl that I didn't understand and I asked her off. And I went to a meeting that night.

The usual meeting that I usually went to, which I was doing service, and my service was this sort of service. I'd go in, drop the tea bags on the side, drop them in milk, then I'd be off. And that's what full service was. And, I was sitting there missing my people, talking about the missing lives, talking about the days, and I was dying. I was dying.

I needed to find some relief. And I was kinda, yeah. You know, I'm not gonna say that I was I choose 2 years. I'm not on parents. Name much because I've done this so much of times before.

I cannot rely on my desire not to use. I cannot rely on it and that's the best. Because time and time again, as I've looked at my inventories and stuff like that, I've seen my desire. It's been there. And, you know, 3 guys watching that meeting that night, and, I heard this message that that I've heard in this meeting this night, and I didn't like it.

It made me feel quite uncomfortable. These guys seem really happy, and I was feeling miserable. And I was I was I was desperate, you know, and, I shared, if you're in this room tonight and you need you need a solution in your life, you can get one. And and I heard it. I heard it.

I didn't know that, but I didn't know to tell you. And I went up to one of these guys and I told myself, let's see how happy you are after sponsoring. And and I said, will you be my sponsor? And he said, I'll be honest and privileged to this. And it lit me up.

You know, I was a little bit afraid straight away. I've been a real addict. You know, I need a solution because, you know, nothing to treat my illness apart from 2 steps. I've got a 3 fold illness, and the obsession will go from time to time depending on the institution. I mean, on where I'm at and what relationship it will go, but the mother keeps keep is progressive.

It does it doesn't stop, and it's relentless. And it comes on me. And the obsession is on me this time. And, you know, I've gotta tell my sponsor all about my life, and he told me to shout. He said, I'm not interested.

It was a bit cruel. Mhmm. And I'm like, and he give me this piece of paper. He said, you know, Lord, please. He said, you can recover from this illness.

He said, I can assure you that your life will change. And, as my experience. You know, making many suggestions and, I said I'm a real addict and and I and I, you know, he said I I need you to pry on your knees. And I was, well, you know, I don't believe him. And he said, I didn't ask.

You know, he needs to listen. And and I And that's my experience, you know. And he didn't say to me find me 2 weeks time when I had a chat. He said find me someone. And that was really good.

I was really impressed with that. You know, there's somebody really wanted to talk to me. Oh, really? Me stuff. Whatever.

You know, someone was gonna be there. That was gonna that was gonna straight me the way. And I've got hope that night. And you know, you know, me and this me and this guy, I've got my knees together. I'm gonna step free for him, and I experienced something.

You know? And, they gave me my step full straight away. And he said, we can't hang around. He said, we need you in program, and that made me feel good. For the first time, I started to feel part of this fellowship because I had a felt part of that.

I felt like a part of a gang in a fellowship. And I know that one to deal with, you know. And, you know, I worked for a step forward. You know, I've heard this in far more than to myself, not my mom, and my dad, and my brothers. I thought I don't even show you none.

I remember showing my stepfather and my son. Been quite nervous and, get some identification on them. I'm walking out of his house in Canada town. Pissing down the frame, a little bit like this, and I just know that I was never over there for years again. Mhmm.

Yeah. You know? It's my experience. I won't go into it. I just know that I was never ever ever gonna have to use again provided I've done this stuff.

Okay. My life is fine. You know? I spend a little time with my my family. You know?

I won't piss them. I don't do it. I don't ask them for anything. I'm not and, I've got a solution for that as well. You know, I never knew that my solution was me to take a step back and put somebody else first.

I never knew it. Nobody ever said to me, you know, all of this. Take a step back and have some. I never thought that was my solution. And and, you're my one talking about that.

Yeah. It's good to be this morning. Thank you. And now I'll hand you over to Andy. Excellent.

My name is Andy and I'm an addict. Hi, Andy. And can I also say I've recovered? I did it the same way as everyone else, you know. I mean, I I can't say this, you know.

2 years ago, 7 addicts got together and decided to start this meeting. You know, for the first time, I actually experienced the, you know, the true unity of, what this fellowship has to offer. And, and you know, 2 years down the line I can come in here and say welcome to the interaction group in London. Welcome to the interaction group in in in Torquay. I'm sitting and I'm in awe, you know.

I feel the the presence of a loving higher power, you know, in this room tonight, you know, because that's what that's what got me to how how I recovered. Finding a loving higher power. How did I do it? I didn't find this power. I had to work through that that transect program.

And introduced me to the concept with a higher power, you know. Something that would relieve me, you know. It it could do what no human power could do for me. And I mean, as Chris said, I remember my brother for years years years. You know, he'd seen me fall on my ass yet again.

I had so many rock bombs that came in here, and my bones looked cauliflower. I must've gone. I'd I'd see, tough crowd. No. I'm every time I'd be on my ass, my brother would look around to me your biggest problem, boy, did you call the willpower?

Never heard him. Never heard him. And, you know, I walked into this fellowship weighing 9 stones 3. I looked about 90. I was 34 years old at the mental and emotional age of a 13 year old.

I was, you know, I was done for. And, you know, basically I was told that no human will and no human power could believe me at this illness, you know, and I I sat in a meeting. When I first got into this meeting, you know, I sat around and I I looked in and thought, god, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna advert for Churchill because everyone's doing this. Yeah. You know?

And that it was foreign to me. It was again it went against the grain. It was against my nature because my nature is totally self obsessed self centered to the core. You know, I'm selfish. I'm arrogant.

I'm intolerant about these things. But for the first time, I think in my life, I look like everyone said, I'll be I've been in the institutions, you know, many, many times in my lifetime. I saw through doctors, psychiatrists, you know, I did all the same things, you know. I I done healing room stones, you know, with my wife and stuff, but none of it seemed to work for me and, you know, I'll sat in a meeting with her as I used to call us back in a bunch of junkies, you know, all sharing the same thing. All sharing the same solution, telling me the message on how they had recovered.

You know, not one of them was there telling me what I had to do. Mhmm. Not one of them was pointing the finger and saying, yeah. You gotta do this. You gotta do that.

All these people were sat around telling me what they had done in order to recover. And, you know, I identified in the past, absolutely. Because I was I was an addict, you know. Didn't quite understand what they had in their lives today, you know. But the fact that I saw a whole a whole group of people doing this very same thing.

That gave me hope. I thought, wow. You know, they they told me, if you if you can identify with us and you, you know, you identify yourself as an addict of our description, you know, this has worked for us. You know, maybe it will work for you. No.

They didn't say maybe this is a guarantee that this could work for you too, you know, and it's a bold statement from an addict. I'll guarantee you recovery as long as you're willing to put the put the foot work in. And, I've got to say, I was I was too frightened not to take it on board, you know. I knew my life was going nowhere because as I said, I'd yet yet again come out of another institution that was full of bravado. You know, I was a Jack the lad, big smile, happy man.

Man. And our girls loved it. Shitting my pants inside. And, like I said, these these people spoke my language. They it it was uncanny really because I thought somebody come in and told them about me.

You know, I thought it was my mate. Yeah. He told me my life story. So you're open. I was wrong.

Yeah. These guys were all very very similar to me. We'd all done very similar things. So I took this sponsor on board. Didn't know what one one was, when I came in, but the one thing I did do is I allowed this man to sponsor me.

You know, I knew that that my thinking got me into into all these trials. So many people told me, you know, you're gonna come and step away if you carry anything in that way. You know? I did it every time. And for the first time in a while I followed somebody else do my thinking for me.

You know, I was prepared to do as this man has. You know, and that very same night. I've got to say that very same night there was a a level of hope in my life that I've never felt before. There was a there was a level of fitting in that I never felt before and, I just I just followed this man's direction, you know, and, they told me to get on my knees, which was I was okay with that. Yeah.

I was okay. I'm not gonna say I wasn't. I'm not religious. I've never I've been probably never will be, but I got on my knees. I was explain it was explained to me that this is a program of action, you know.

I'm, I'm not the sharpest tool in the box, you know, but I'm I'm a practical guy. I like to keep things simple, and my sponsor said this was a simple program. He told me these things I had to do on a daily basis, and I did them. And I within within days, I felt happier than I had done for 22 years. You know, I didn't want to fool her.

This is alright, and I'm back on the response. I said, I'm feeling really really good. Okay. Carry on. So I did and they took me through the steps.

I got to my step 4 like Chris said, and I was reading reading my step 4 and step 5, to my sponsor. And it was a January morning and the sun was shining. It was beautiful. I was reading the light. I got to the very last page and started to shake.

I said this is a spiritual awakening sitting on this pissing freezing. Let's get in the car. But somebody came over me really quickly. When I took my step 3, that was the the, I think, one of my first ever awakening of the spirit. It was one of those times when I suddenly felt, oh, I'm not carrying the weight of the world on my shoulder anymore.

You know what I'm saying? I'm an addict. I've got to carry the world on my shoulders. Got to. I've got to throw everyone else's problems out.

I've got to tell you what you're doing wrong. Never look at myself. Never be able to deal with my own problems. So bang, set through, you know. And the way it go, It allowed me to carry on and crack on with this this this program.

And, you know, it's been an amazing journey. An amazing journey, you know. I've been in this fellowship. I'd like to add to my 10th year. The last 2 years of my life have been so fulfilled.

It's it's unbelievable. This program is an offer to anyone. Anyone who wants it, you know. I I I'm a man who sits down and and says, I have those really days. No.

I'm a man that sits down and says, I have 2 kinds of day in recovery. Great days and brilliant days. You know, I'm I'm an addict that stuck needles in his body for the best part of 22 years. A man that was dying when he came in. I'm a man that goes to bed at the end of the night and puts his head on his pillow without abusing people who beats it.