The Texas Group in Waco, TX

Hello, everyone. My name is Roland. I'm a COVID alcoholic. Hi, Roland. Wow.

I can say a few things about the speaker tonight, but then I'm not being real lovingly and tolerant and all that other stuff. You know, real quick, either you're really, really, really gonna love him or he is really, really, really gonna make your inventory tonight. You know what I mean? He's one of my best friends in the whole wide world. I love him.

I love him with all my heart, and he carries the real message of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm proud to share the fire in line with him. Tom. Everybody, my name is Tom Pick. I'm a recovered alcoholic.

Tom. Love me or hate me. Can we settle that right now? Just this this is my second time, speaking here. Last time we were we were outside and it was, I guess, the the basement had flooded and there was sewage.

I guess it was maybe this deep or something. We couldn't we couldn't have the meeting down here, so we had it outside. I had a had a 40 mile an hour wind blowing over my right shoulder. I think the only person that heard anything I had to say were, like, the people laying over there. It's nice to be inside and indoors and and no wind and and no distractions.

How many people here are in their 1st couple months of sobriety? A whole bunch? Mhmm. Okay. Any of you guys that don't have sponsors yet, put your hands up.

Don't be embarrassed. We're just kinda curious. So so pretty much everybody here is is is sponsored up? Yep. Excellent.

I came to to A and A back in 1987. I was, I was about 23 years old, and I was at the the tail end of a of a really hardcore losing streak. And and I've reached the point where II didn't wanna keep drinking and I didn't wanna stop drinking and I was just I was just screwed and and II tried doing some other stuff and it just it just wasn't doing the job and and I was worn out and I was beat and I was done and and III got sober and and you know a lot of people simply you know you're you're just you're so young and I guess you know back then II was young and the next oldest people were you know were in their 30s. You know they didn't come in at at age 11 like they do today, but I'm telling you man, it's it's it's the the coolest thing and and so I I came in and and I started going to a bunch of meetings like I was told to do. I was told to you know, go to 90 and 90 and I'm sure there's no one in this room that hasn't heard that and you know get a sponsor go to all the dances get involved.

Do some service work make coffee pick up chairs play over softball. I've I I took it a step further than I I start dating AA women. It is not as good as it sounds, let me tell you. And and we're no better. And so I I got involved and I started doing all these things.

And I I got a sponsor, and and and we spent a little time together on the front end, and it was pretty much kind of a a get to know you kind of thing. And and he, he was a mechanic, and I wasn't working at the time. And so I'd go hang out at his shop, and he had a lot of other guys that he was sponsoring hanging out up there. And and it was just kind of like you know bunch of just kinda trying to keep each other sober and when it when it came time to take the steps we we just kind of just kinda dabble with the stuff we we're doing some some step guides that that his sponsor made up or that that some treatment center put out or or something and and so II tried taking the steps and and and I'm just not getting the results that that I'm I'm I'm thinking I should be getting and and I'm not getting much better. I'm I'm sober and I and and honestly, I'm I'm having some great days, but there's also some days that are just just awful and for the 1st 4 or 5 years 5 years, you know, I'm I'm going to all these discussion meetings and and sometimes they were great meetings and sometimes they were just they were just a beating and and and there was a lot of people talking about their problems and their issues and their their child abuse and incest and and and all this all this stuff.

That's I guess it's important to to talk about and deal with but but not in an alcohol anonymous meeting where I mean this is alcohol anonymous. We're we're here to get drunk sober not to fix everything else. We're we're not equipped for that. That was never our purpose and and and and it shouldn't be what we're trying to accomplish today. We're just we're here to sober up drums, but but we were sitting in these meetings just kind of you know, therapizing each other and and you know I don't know.

It just it was just it was just nuts. And and after about 10 years of this stuff, I'm just I'm getting real grindy, and and I'm really starting to to to hate the meetings. You know, I've I've seen a lot of people go back out. I've seen a lot of people die and and one thing that that they seem to all have in common was that they quit going to meetings before that happened. And so I I decided, I don't care how bad I can't stand these meetings.

I'm I'm not gonna quit. I'm gonna keep going to these things. And, you know, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna make the mistake of not going and get drunk again. Because I didn't, you know, I I wanted to drink less than I wanted to stay on those meetings or vice versa. I don't know if I said that right.

Anyway, you guys know what I mean. So, you know, I'm I'm I'm going through this deal and another 5 years later and and it's a I'm in a discussion meeting. It was a it was a men's meeting on a Saturday morning and, you know, you guys sort of they've been around a long time. You know, if you got a bunch of time, you're gonna you're getting called on. You're you're not safe in the meeting.

And and they called on me, and I don't know what the topic was. It had changed every every time someone talked, it was a new topic, namely them. And and it and it and it got to me and I wasn't I just I wasn't prepared. I hadn't worked up my act and I I didn't know what I was gonna say and I and I almost passed. And I I thought what, you know, I'll just tell the truth.

And and I I raised my hand and said, look, you know, I don't wanna scare any new people in here or freak anybody out, but I feel like I'm on this path where I'm gonna drink again. And and I don't think it's gonna be today or tomorrow or this week, this month, and it might not even be this year. But I'm I'm I'm on this path, and I can't get off of it. And I'm scared. And I don't know what to do.

And and and all these guys came up afterwards. And, I mean, these are my friends. I'm not I'm not knocking at all these folks. Nel came up and gave me hugs and told me they love me. And that they were glad that I shared.

And they told me I needed to start, you know, coming to you know, coming early and making coffee and staying late and picking up coffee cups and straighten out the chairs and double up on the meetings and do all this stuff. And and right when they said double up in the meetings, I was just like, man, if that's the answer, I'm I'm dead. I was, you know, at this time I'm going to 3 to 4 meetings a week, and it takes every ounce of energy that I have to get there. Sometimes I'm showing up late and leaving early, but I'm, you know, I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm showing up long enough to get my car punched that I could say that I went to meeting and I can add another meeting to the meeting thing. Fast forward a couple of years, I've got 17 years sober.

Everything is great. A life on the outside is great. I've I've got everything managed just the way I want it. Got my own business, making a bunch of money, great wife, great kid. Nothing's wrong.

All the bills are paid. No no significant debt that I can't handle. Everything is is pretty much rock and roll on the outside. And the thought of drinking comes into my head. And and so I, you know, I remember everything that I've learned in AA for the last 17 years, you know.

Think through the drink. Think about the the consequences. If if I were to drink, what would happen? And and it's like the the the knowledge of that stuff would would scare me into not drinking. And and after hearing this stuff, you know, this is this has been my doctrine for the last, you know, 17 years at this time because because it's what we're saying in the meetings.

It's all we're doing in the meetings is, you know, don't drink no matter what. Think to the drink, put the, you know, plug in the jug, all this other stuff. So it's, like, okay. Here's here's my time to to try it out. And I start thinking about all the stuff I got to lose if I start drinking again.

I think about my wife, my kid, and my business, and my life, my sobriety date, my friends in AA. I've got a lot to lose that I do not want to lose. And I think about all that drama that happened back in the mid eighties, although just all the trouble and and all the all the drama and and all just all the the BS that that I I went through that that landed me here in the first place, and and it was pretty clear. I didn't want to relive that stuff either. And so the choice was pretty quick.

Don't drink. And within about half an hour or 45 minutes, I was, I was getting loaded. And that stuff that I picked up in AA, all the stuff that I bet my life on the meeting attendance, you know, getting involved, making friends, calling people in the program every day, thinking through the drink. It it all failed to keep me sober. And, you know, I'm thinking, you know, what the hell?

That's not the word I was thinking, but it kinda means the same thing. What what happened here? And and and I I didn't have a clue. And and so I'm I'm I'm on this odyssey where I'm just I'm just lit up. I'm, you know, they say things get they're progressive, things get worse.

I I think I think to to the extent that that my craving for alcohol, when I put fluids in my body, the the craving that it triggers was was so much more intense that time than it was when I was 23 years old. I mean, it was just it was absolutely insatiable. I couldn't get drunk enough. I I I just I couldn't drink and and get any satisfaction or or get that craving satisfied. It was it was just unbelievable.

And and through a a a rapid series of of really bad things happening, ambulance rides and things like that, I, I ended up seeking some help and I I ran into a a pack of big book thumpers of of all people. People that that used to bore me to tears in the meetings. People that that we used to make fun of because, you know, they they they seem to set themselves apart from everybody else and they seem like these know it alls. And and we used to, you know, make fun of them behind their backs and and say nasty things about them. And the truth was is these guys were happy, although they were rather isolated in our meetings and and outnumbered.

But that's what these guys were that were saving my life, and they started talking about a big book. Now I've I've got a big book back in 1987, And and I remember reading the stories out of it when I was in treatment. And I remember kind of skimming through it a couple of times, you know, since then. But but the the book never meant anything to me. I I I just I didn't I didn't know what it was saying.

See, I I came to AA thinking that my problem was alcohol. I thought I thought that alcohol caused my alcoholism. I thought that I I drank so much that I got myself hooked on alcohol. And and and I thought that that the problem was the drinking and so you know my understanding is step 1 was was maybe something like what a lot of folks in in this room has experienced where you know admitting that I'm powerless over alcohol that my life is becoming manageable. I thought that man could that I've got a drinking problem when I drink bad stuff happens.

That's what step one was to me, and I thought I took step 1 when I when I went to that first meeting and and called myself an alcoholic in front of a room full of people and got one of those desired drinks. I thought I thought that was step 1. In fact, we would tell people that, you know, just by showing up in the meeting, you've taken step 1. Just nobody makes it to AA by mistake. If if you came to AA, you must be an alcoholic and and and all this stuff and and it was just it was just so wrong.

It was it was it was just just bad information and and and I took that same information. I passed it on to other guys and and and I don't know about some of the groups you guys have gone to, but we weren't getting people sober very much. I mean it was it was pretty much like like the you know the the worldwide averages maybe 5 or 10% of the people were staying sober for any significant length of time based on you know using the stuff that we gave them to to try to stay sober and and and people are dropping like fires. I mean you guys have been around the program you guys know you know I've I've been to the funerals and and and the weights and all that other stuff. It's it's bloody out there and and so when when we started going through this big book and and started started looking at what the real problem is and and what the real solution is, you know the the light start going on and and all the dots start to get connected and stuff start making sense and and they're they're they're just they're just greeting me out of big book.

There's they're not making anything up. This isn't any theory. This isn't any any special class that anybody went to. They're just talking about this book that we didn't even bother to open up in our meetings and and they're talking about step 1 and what step one really means. And step 1 says that we're powerless over alcohol.

We've made it with Carlos over alcohol that our lives are becoming manageable. If if we're gonna make that admission, we gotta understand what it means to be powerless over alcohol. And and we never talked about that stuff in our meetings. I I had no clue what it meant. All I knew is that it was cool to say it, and everybody else said it, so I'm gonna say it too.

Straight up. For for those of you that are that are familiar with the book, Bill Wilson. Everybody know Bill Wilson is one of the one of the cofounders of AA. He was in this, this hospital called Tom's Hospital in New York, and he had a a psychiatrist there named, William Silkworth. And when these guys decided to get together and and write the big book, they asked him to write a little piece to kinda lend some some credibility to the book and also to to maybe give a little medical explanation of this problem because because no one understood our problem back then.

And so he he wrote a little deal and and and he goes into he's talking about powerlessness over alcohol and and and it's really kind of a a 2 part deal. It's you know, we've got an illness of the body and we've got an illness of the mind. And and he's talking about the body here and what happens is when I drink alcohol, I I trigger that something happens in my body. I'm not gonna go into the the science of it, but something happens that causes me to crave alcohol when I've got alcohol in my body. So when I drink, I trigger a craving for more alcohol, than I drink more than triggers more of a craving, and you guys can kinda see how that kinda gets gets away from me after a few drinks.

And and I always wanted to be able to you know to go out and have maybe 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 or 10 drinks and and stop and go home and be responsible, and I could never pull it off. I could never I could never call my numbers. I could never decide. I'm just gonna have a few drinks and stop every single time from from age 11 or 12. Every time I drink, I kept drinking and drinking and drinking enough until I passed out or fell asleep or got arrested or, you know, something intervened, that that wasn't my fault.

And so doctor Silkworth is talking about this stuff and and he he says, in the doctor's finishes. We believe meaning us doctors and so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol and his chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. And then he starts to talk about this craving. He says the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average tempered drinker. Normal drinkers, you guys know, they put umbrellas in their drinks.

They never crave alcohol when they put alcohol on their bodies. In fact, what happens with them you know alcohol is kinda like a poison that kills human tissue and and for them their their bodies protect them from the stuff they they start to feel nauseous. They start to feel light headed. They say things like, hey. I'm starting to feel this.

I need to stop. They get nauseous. They stop. Whatever, you know, some little reason comes up for them to stop and then they just they just stop drinking. They they don't have this craving going on.

It just it just does not occur with these people. So in in step 1, what we wanna do is we wanna we wanna isolate everything that's unique to alcoholics and doesn't occur with anybody else. If if we're gonna understand what it means to be an alcoholic, we gotta get rid of all the fluff and get down to the truth. And and the thing that's unique to us and never occurs with other people, and this is one of them. Says we can never safely use alcohol in any form at all, and any any nichrome drinkers or Listerine drinkers.

I never did that. It's it's gotta be embarrassing. But this stuff is, like, 50 proof. 75 proof. And our bodies aren't responding to what's on the label with our bodies are responding to the alcohol.

That's why we can't safely get away with that stuff because it'll trigger that craving and and we'll drink more Listerine or Sterno or vanilla extract or whatever. It's just it's just it's just crazy. Our bodies just respond to alcohol like this. Then it says once having, form the habit and can't finally can't break it love losing yourself how confidence the reliance upon other people the problems follow-up and then we become astonishingly difficult to solve and and I'm sure everybody in this room can identify with that with those problems just piling up. And and and you're you're so engulfed in this craving for the booze that that you've you you can't do anything else until that gets satisfied.

And and and with me, everything in my life just went fell by the wayside because of my pursuit of of chasing this down and trying to chase that that sense of ease and comfort that I used to get when I drank. And then further down on the page, he he he tells us why we drink. And, you know, I've I've watched people just just flounder and and circle the drain in AA for for decades trying to understand why they drank, trying to figure it out, trying you know, thinking that maybe it was because, you know, maybe because their daddy put them on the toilet seat backwards or or, you know, maybe because their mom had square nipples or let's just let's just let's just figure this out and then deal with it so that we won't be so that we won't be hurting anymore. And and the problem is is they they never get better. The stuff that I mean, the stuff is always there, and and what they're trying to do is trying to treat this from a psychological approach, which which doesn't work for us.

He goes on to say that men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. No big surprise. The sensation is so elusive that while they admit it is injurious, and those injuries include things like getting up in treatment, DWI, going to prison, losing jobs, losing relationships. They cannot, after time, differentiate the truth from the false. It says to them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one.

Here's one of the big lines in the big book. Says they are restless, irritable, and discontented unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. Without a few drinks, we are restless, irritable, and discontent. Bottom line, we drink because being sober sucks. That's why I will drink.

Being sober just sucks and and and without booze, I am unhappy. I'm dissatisfied. I can never get things arranged in my life just the way I want them and once I do, I'm not satisfied and it doesn't matter if I'm driving a Cadillac or or riding a moped. It just doesn't matter. I am I am unhappy and I'm restless and I always feel like I need to be doing something and I can never figure out what it is.

I need to be doing and and I'm depressed and I'm I don't have any ambitions and and and the only thing that fixes this is the booze. The only thing that gives me any solution is is alcohol. And, you know, I, I spent a total of 3 years during during my teenage years, during during high school, in in psychiatric hospital. It's a solid 36 months because of of of what people thought was was my problem, depression and all this other stuff and and it was just it was just a misdiagnosis. It was the fact is that it's the spirituality that caused everybody to think that I needed to go to the psych hospitals and I would go into these places and I'd be like the only kid that wouldn't get better.

All the other kids are getting better and they're doing their little therapy and talking about themselves and and they cry once a week and and and do all the stuff that we're supposed to do in therapy and they're getting along fine and and the and the staff are talking about to my dad like you know, mister Pitt. He's he's a nice guy and he doesn't cause much trouble but he's just not. He's just not taking to this stuff And I I would try my ass off to to to to get right in these in these hospitals. And I was always just just miserable and it's because I was separated from the booze. The only solution I had was the booze and I and I couldn't get my hands on it and and it it just made me a really cranky guy and and II think if that if I hadn't discovered alcohol.

I would have been one of these 14 or 15 year old suicide that you read about. It was it was just that bad. I was just that unhappy. And and it wasn't caused apparently by anything in my life. It's it's just the way I was born.

That's why we drink. You know, if if this were just, you know, a a deal with the body if if my body was my only problem, then then staying away from booze would be the answer. You know, you can't crave alcohol and you can't over drink if you don't put booze in your body. My problem is is that in spite of the fact I'm separated from the booze, I do the most insane thing I can possibly do. Knowing the consequences, knowing what's gonna happen, knowing the damage I'm gonna cause, knowing the risk I'm taking, stone cold sober, I get drunk.

That's the insanity that we're talking about in AA. And and my problem is is I got a mind that cannot detect me from that first drink. On on page 24, you guys that don't have your books with you when you when you next time you pick it up, go highlight this paragraph. Because this is this is the one that tells the whole story. This is the death sentence in step 1.

Says the fact is the most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice in drink. No. With my body, I've lost power of control. I cannot choose whether I drink or not. I can't make a choice and then stick with it.

Our so called will power becomes practically non existent. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force, the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. It says we are without defense against first drink. What this is telling me is that I cannot think through the drink. This is telling me that that day when I got drunk with 17 years sober, even though I could remember all the bad stuff that happened, and I could contemplate all the stuff that would happen, I couldn't bring it into my mind.

It was sufficient force. And and this means you're gonna die. I mean, this is this is why people die of alcoholism because you can give us any reason in the world and and make it a damn good reason, and we cannot stay sober in spite of it. There there's no hope in step 1. It's not a hope step or a surrender step.

It's an information step. And the information is is your mind can't keep you from the first drink and your body can't keep it from the second drink. That is it. And that means you're gonna die from alcoholism. No one ever explained this stuff to me when I was next.

We we didn't talk about this stuff. They just told me to sit down and listen to people of 20 years talking about their problems. That didn't do anybody any good. Neither did it do the people any good that were sharing their problems. Trust me.

Let me let me kind of paint a little picture, a little backdrop of of what Alcoholics Anonymous was like back in the 19 19 thirties. I I think it's important to do that because that experience is what what gave us our big book, what what gave us this text. This text was based on the experience of the first hundred. And then before we do the 1st edition, they even say, since we have alcoholics anonymous, more than 100 men and women who have recovered, not are recovering, but have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, which I just I just talked about. Says to show other alcohol, it's precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book.

This book is written for no other reason than to show other people precisely how they have recovered, period. For hope for them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. They're hoping and they believe that that if you read this book and and you understand what what they're saying here, you're not gonna have to to try anything else to get sober. You're gonna be convinced that this is the way and and you'll do it and you'll be okay. And and back in the thirties, they they gathered this experience and and their success rates were just unbelievable and and they document this in in the second edition, you know, 50 to 75 upwards of 90% in some places of people that came and and tried and and maybe relapse and came back and maybe maybe it took them a few times.

85 to 90% of these people getting sober and staying sober. It was it was unbelievable. I mean, we were getting written up in magazines and people were writing articles about us, and it was just unbelievable. And then today, I don't know what they're telling you here in the streaming center, but I can tell you in Dallas, Texas, you know, 7 out of a 100 are are picking up that 1 year chance. That's that's terrible.

And I think that pretty much represents is representative of what's going on around the country and around the world. There's some places where it's even worse, but I think generally speaking, that's a that's a fairly decent number to use to get a picture of of how well we're doing today. And and and the and the big difference is is back in the day. They didn't have AA meetings every day all day long so that if you have a little problem, you could take it. You could find any meeting at any time of day and then take it there and deal with it.

They met once a week if they did meet. They they weren't even called AA meetings until the book was published because they named the fellowship after the title of the book. It's not the other way around and and so you you would think that if we're gonna call ourselves out the Hawks anonymous named after book then maybe we've picked the damn thing up once in a while and see what it's got to say. You know? That ain't what we're doing.

That is not what we're doing. And and what they did was they they went looking for guys to work with and they cold called and they called doctors and priests and anybody they could think of that could refer them to a wet drunk that they could approach and and offer sobriety to. And and they they got on their feet and went looking for these guys. They did not sit in the card room at the age of waiting for people to show up. They got off their butts and and went and looked.

And then when they found these guys, they qualified them. They found out if they were real alcoholics or not and if they wanted to stay sober forever and were willing to do what it took to do that. And if they weren't willing or if they weren't real alcoholics and they didn't wanna stay sober forever, they dusted them and moved on to the next guy until they found they found the guy that should've met the bill. And then they would take this guy through the steps and and, you know, some people think that that they did it quickly. It just so happens that if you do it right and yeah.

I said that. Do it right because there's only one way to do it in Alcoholics Anonymous. It doesn't take that long. We're talking a week, maybe 2 weeks. You know, step 4, if if it's taking you more than 2 hours to do a 4 step, you got bad instructions.

This stuff does not take that long. And so it was it was possible to get these guys through the steps in a short amount of time. And then they would have the spiritual experience, which which pretty much looks like what we read at the beginning of the meeting, the 9 step promises. Those aren't the promises in the program. Those are those are some of them from from step 9, but this promise is all through this book for every step.

And and when you experience these promises, that's what the spiritual awakening looks like. That's what the entire psychic change looks like. And that's what happened with these guys by by doing this work. That's what happened with me and that's what happened with guys that I've sponsored and and guys that they're sponsoring we get through this stuff and we get it through it quick and and and we catch fire with this stuff. You know, page 89 and you guys you guys been around a while.

You you know that this we're pretty much all about working with other drugs. You can it kinda gets brought up once in a while. And and page 89 in our book tells us practical experience shows that nothing nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. That means taking them through the steps. Why would why would I tell a new guy that he's gotta wait a year or 2 years before he can do the thing that's gonna ensure immunity immunity from drinking the most.

Uh-huh. Don't that sound crazy? Yep. Happens all the time in alcohol synonymous. I'm not I'm not here to bash AA because AA is between the covers of this book and it saved my life and I believe it in a 100%.

But I'm, you know, just between those kids, I'm I'm gonna tell you the truth. And I'm gonna tell you there's a lot of lot of groups out there that you can go into and get told to sit there and wait till the right spot that comes along and, you know, learn how to love yourself and we'll love you too. You learn how to love yourself and just work on yourself and and all this other crap. And and you got a, you know, a one out of 10 chance to make it. And if you do these steps like they're directed in the book, you're gonna make it every time.

I've never ever ever seen anybody get drunk that has taken these steps following the instructions in the quick book. I've not seen it happen. I've seen a bunch of people get drunk, sitting in discussion meetings waiting for the miracle to happen. I got I got news. There ain't no miracle.

Miracle ain't gonna happen there. There's no power there. We read it and how it works. There's one who has all power. That one is god.

There's no if god has all power, then then I don't have the power. The meeting doesn't have the power. The the dances don't have the power. The the trigger list don't have the power. All this all this stuff is designed to prevent you from the first drink is is man made stuff, and and we're way beyond the the help of of other humans.

Other humans can't help us. Things that they make up can't help us. It's it's all about getting to God as quickly as possible can and and I thought that these steps were were all about, you know, teaching me how to be nice and play well with others, kiss and make up and all this other goofy stuff because that was just the impression I had. And and and my my other impression is that the steps are something to do when something really bad happens in your life. Like, if your girlfriend breaks up with you or maybe relative dies and you do some step work with whatever that means.

I thought that should be steps before. What I never understood till I start starting the book was that these steps are designed, excuse me, specifically to identify and remove all the garbage that's blocking us from God. All the things that are cutting us off from from that relationship within the the ego, the fear, the the resentment, the self centeredness. All that stuff is blocking us from that power that we have to have. And and so we can get that spiritual awakening is is what these steps are designed to do.

And and if you think about it, there's there's no way that that these guys would have set up this program so that it would take forever to get to that power. Page 24 that I read a little while ago, the power that tells us we can't think through the drink, tells us we got a week or a month before that memory phase. Some people it's 2 months, 3 months, 6 months. For me, it's just a couple of days. I'm good for about 2 days and I'm drunk again.

So the day after the worst thing that ever happened after my drinking, it took me 18 hours to pick up another drink after swearing it off. The worst thing that ever happened in my life when I was drinking. 18 hours later, I was drinking. That's how long we have. So if if if your truth is that your mind can't keep protected from the first drink and your body can't keep it from the second one, then you don't have time to to to goof around.

Right. You you really don't. You gotta you know, you might make it a month or 2, but the truth is is that at some time, you're gonna need that that that mental defense like I did, and and it won't be there. And the only way to get it is by taking these steps and and getting that experience yourself. And the only way to keep it is by by finding guys to work with and and take them to the steps.

And and and if you've had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, you're ready to sponsor people. It doesn't matter if it takes you a week or 2 weeks, you're not gonna be perfect at it and and your sponsor should probably get involved and and and help you all the way through. But if you're clear on this message, you can't kill anybody. If if you're coming out of this book and following the directions in the book and following the directions in chapter 7 working with others, you won't kill anybody. I promise you.

And you'll have the most mind blowing experience of your life and it'll it'll it'll cook you and and you'll get sucked into this thing and and you it'll what will happen to you is is you'll you'll be motivated to do this stuff. You know, right now, I remember sitting a treatment thing about working with others and spending time doing stuff like that. I was, like, Jesus. I mean, I'm busy. I've got I've got TV shows that I'm committed to.

Yeah. I like reality shows. Don't tell anybody. And and they take up time, and I I don't have time to be doing this. And and and what happened was to my surprise and to my delight that that because of that change in attitude and that change in thinking that happened as a result of these steps, man, I can't wait to to to go out and find guys to work with them.

I mean, it's it's just the coolest thing in the world, and I I promise you that it can happen to anybody in this room. There's no reason why anybody in this room can't be sponsoring somebody in the next month or so going through these steps. Honest pension. I'm not here to sell anybody any any BS. I've seen both side of this deal.

Seems both sides of it. And I've seen a whole bunch of people that thought that they were gonna, you know, work on themselves and and learn to love themselves, Blow their brains out. And I've seen a bunch of knuckleheads that nobody had any hope for get this thing and and have the coolest lives to you that you could ever imagine. I've seen it up, not many times, but $800 a ton. I've just seen it.

I've seen it a bunch. And, I was, I was doing this meeting yesterday at this, at this hospital that I go to. And, we were we were talking about the steps. We're talking about steps. We're talking about step 2 and and, you know, I just I wanna make an observation.

The graveyard are full of people who got stuck on the second step. Everybody gets stuck on step 2. And and and my deal was is that my sponsor wasn't using this big book. Bottom line, wasn't using it. And he gave me these exercises to do that were designed to help me believe in God.

So I could take step 3, 4, 5, 6. You know, it's like you can't turn your will and your life over the course of something you don't believe in. And so he had me reading out of this certain book, a chapter called Step 2, every day for 30 days. And if I missed today, I'd have to start all over. So I had 30 days, and I lied about missing those couple days.

And he gave me my next assignment. And I had to write down. I had to journal. Every day before I went to bed, I had to write down everything that was different in my life because I was sober. And I and some of this was just chicken shit stuff.

You know, I didn't give that that guy the finger on I 35. You know, I didn't kill that lady with all the coupons at the grocery store. I'm I'm I'm scrambling. And and and so I do this thing, and and 30 days later, I've got my little my little journal, and I guess maybe seeing it in black and white is supposed to help me believe in God. And, you know, you can't deny it if you can see it on paper.

I don't know what the theory was. And then at the end, I had to create my own God. God's pretty big. I don't I don't know how to make a God. And and I'm I'm not sure that he's really impressed with me trying to do it anyway.

But I I come up with the usual stuff, you know, loving, kind, forgiving, funny, you know, just whatever. Just just I just had to come up with something to get this on the time. And I'm I'm here to tell you after after 65 days of this crap, I'm no closer to believing God than the dad started. I'm I'm just not there. And and what, what the book tells us, it's a little bit different than what my sponsor told us.

It's on page 47, there's a question in the middle of the page. And this is step 2. And and it says we need to ask ourselves but one short question. Do I now believe or am I even willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself? That's step 2.

As soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is well on his way. What that looks like let's let's say we take belief in God and put it on a 0 to 100 scale. Down here, we got 0. Over here, we got a 100. And here is I don't believe in God, and and a 100 is I'm positive because there's a God.