The Primary Purpose Group's 20th anniversary in Dallas, TX

But one of the things that has become so vital to me is a friendship with a guy that I had the highest love and respect for, A guy who's been such a blessing to our group. The only problem with Chris is he's a little bit bashful. Sometimes has little trouble playing what's on his mind. God, I love this guy. But he's been such a tremendous asset to us and so many others.

And he and Myers are kinda picking up what Joe and Charlie left off. A different approach, but the same effect. They're making a difference in the lives of an awful lot of people and giving the willingness to check this thing out and see what works for them the way it has been for us. Again, for each and every one of you who has been a part of the arts and sciences, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. People tell you what a neat thing you've done.

I I have to tell people very honestly. I'm one of the most selfish assholes on God's earth. I do everything I do to save my behind. And if you wanna go with me, you can just grab hold and away we go. But Chris knows how to do it better than anybody I know today.

So Mister Raymer, I'm sorry. He's he's so old. Jesus. My name is Chris Raymer. I'm very grateful we're covering alcoholic.

Alright. What I hate. For everybody in this room that introduces themselves as a recovered alcoholic, I am honored to know you. And for you cats that can't do that yet, you're in the right room. For you folks that think that you can't ever recover, you're you're gonna hate this talk.

This is gonna be miserable. Somebody tricked you into coming into this place. I'm just trying to think. I've talked at 4 or 5. Out of 5, this may be my 5th anniversary I've got a chance to talk to.

And I remember the first one I talked at, you know, and it was like, oh my gosh. Look at I couldn't can we get this many people? Buddy, I didn't know we could get this many people in this room. This is I I, this freaked me out. I, some of you I I know well.

Some of you I've known for 20 years. My whole length has arrived in this room, and I'm so honored to see you. And, I get a chance to work with some of you guys in the trenches and helping other alcoholics and little dope fiends get well. And I just I'm welcome. Welcome.

Welcome. I some of you have heard me speak so many times. I'm I'm embarrassed for you. You keep telling Myers. I told him last year, I said absolutely not.

I'll never do this again. Because I only have one story. It's like somebody asked me a minute ago, well, what are you gonna talk about tonight? Oh, geez. I don't know.

Vietnam. I don't know. Maybe. I mean, my story. Why, I was talking to a cat back in the back earlier and, when we were waiting in the line to eat, what a meal that was.

And we were talking about people that we knew in the fellowship that had passed away. We were talking about people that had taken their own life. We were we were I I gotta say this and get through this, and then I'm gonna move on. And I but I but I why do I keep doing this? Why do why does Myers keep doing it?

Why does Cliff keep doing it? Why do all of us in there? So many of y'all are in the trench with us. I mean, I'm I'm if there's a choir to to talk to, that's, I mean, this is it. I mean, this is this is AA big book thumper, Becca.

God. No. It's the truth. There's little groups all over, and I get I get attached to those little groups all over the world. Truly, we travel a lot getting to speak to these groups.

But if you wanna know where the mother ship is, it comes from here. What Clint just said is so true. It's like, everybody wants to spend hours talking about what happened when we were drinking. Oh, we were such a bad spend hours talking about what happened when we were drinking. Oh, we were such badasses out there.

We were this. We were that. You know what? You think about what happens when one person puts the plug in the jug and we finally get on some solid spiritual ground. And then the effect that Wilson refers to it, the little rings that come out from 1 alcoholic working with another and Louisville, Texas.

You know, it wasn't because I to commit suicide in 1987 in Lewisville, Texas. You know, it wasn't because I was running for the law and I was afraid I was going to jail or anything. It was that I was sick and tired of living the stupid life that I was leading. I I I I was so depressed and I was anxiety was killing me. And I I just I knew that I was never gonna have anything.

I was 35 years old and I was physically very sick. Mentally, I just I couldn't put too I was not a happy camper. And and I thought I just gave up. You know, there was the I I reached a point of absolute hopelessness. I mean, that's that's what happens to us when we get taken to that spot.

We just wanna we wanna go someplace else. And, and Jesus sounded good at the time. I mean, you know, it's like, let's just go. Conversation with that power that night stopped me, and I ended up back at AA the next day for no real reason. And I don't know why we got taken to a place of of finding my little niche niche there in in the fellowship and being able to talk about this stuff, but but I've watched thousands of you do the same thing.

I I I think all I'm trying to say that you're sitting in this room and and you really haven't found your little your little niche yet. You just you haven't found your place. Don't stop looking because that nag that you're feeling, I'm gonna talk some more about it tonight, is there and it's real. We all have a job and I don't know what your job is in this fellowship. I have no idea.

I just know it's there. If you think you can't affect other people's lives positively, you're mistaken. I'm sometimes I end talks with this, but I'm gonna tell you. I work for a treatment center up in the Hill Country in in the hunt and, beautiful place. Fort Prophet Hospital.

Very expensive. Very nice. Some of y'all have have been patients there in that that place. I get to do clerical work in that hospital and they they work a trade off with me. I get to do big book with some of the cats and and and then I'll go do the clerical work if that's the way it is.

And and I'll I'm so honored to get a chance to do that. But, everybody that I talk to out there in the real world, I get thousands of emails asking questions. What are the treatment centers doing about this this epidemic we're seeing with alcoholism and drug addiction? You know? And it's like, I just need nothing.

Some of you that I email in here, y'all I I'm famous for my short emails. It's not because I've tried to be quick with you. It's because I type like crap. You know what I mean? I just I just the shorter, the better for me.

I'm not don't ever if you need a long winded answer from me, call me on the phone. We'll visit about it, but I ain't gonna type nothing. But it's just like everybody's waiting for this miracle to happen. All these medications. There's 24 I was talking to the docs.

We There are 24 anti craving medications out there right now on the market in the pipeline. Anti craving. Clint did such a great job talking about the disease and what that is. You know? Physical piece is one part of this disease, guys, guys.

And we have lots of medication to help with the cravings. Oh, the cravings. I just I got I hate the word, you know, because it's the obsession that's kicking my ass. You know what I mean? It's like I could get sober.

I could stop drinking. I could put the plug in the old jug. I I'm a quitting fool. I just can't stay quit. You know?

You walk by me and say, how about a drink? Hey. Good idea. I was just like I just where's all this resolve going? And that's why alcoholics and addicts die, folks, is because we can't manage the decision to stay stopped.

We can stop. Pre detox, Medication will help. Yes. Rock on. But if but if but if that's all we had to do, then why don't why don't we have such piss poor success rates?

Why why everybody comes to treatment and believe it will cuss in all this big chunk of change in 30 days. I mean, now it'll get well. And everybody's so disappointed when they fall flat on their butts because treatment doesn't get people well, folks. Treatment does not treat alcoholism. Treatment dries you out and gives you a whole bunch of information.

And then if you get off your butt when you leave treatment and get connected to a spiritual program called Alcoholics Anonymous, narcotics anonymous, cocaine anonymous, crystal meth anonymous, There's a gazillion anonymous is out there. If you get a get connected to the appropriate one, you can stay sober. See, alcoholism and drug addiction, said it from a 1000000 podiums, is not a behavioral problem. This is a real McCoy, folks. It's a real disease.

Everybody seems in the treatment center industry, we just played lip service to it. Don't get me started because I could talk for 2 hours just about that. You walk in the door, we tell you that in primary, you know, alcoholism is a disease. You're not a bad person. You're just a sick person trying to get well.

Oh, hot dang. Oh, this okay. Now this makes sense. This I'm sick. Yeah.

That's right. You're sick. Yeah. That's the ticket. You with us?

I have a disease, a genetic predisposition. My aunt was an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic. Oh my god. I see that.

I got the genetic bullet from there. Oh, that takes off so much. And then then we stop. And listen, it's getting warm in here. I'm gonna start taking my clothes off because y'all can go ahead.

Because there's a couple of you in here I'd like to see naked. I'm sorry, Patty. I'm sorry. You're one of them, hon. I know that.

Funny boys. Honey boys. So we tell them it's a disease and we get them comfortable and they all get excited about this. Right? And then we start talking about alcoholism as a disease, then we start talking about, well, now now that we've established that alcoholism is a disease, why do you drink?

Tell us about it. And so now we're gonna start chasing the bullet. The that we're gonna start chasing the endless ball of thread. You know, we're gonna we're reeling it in trying to figure out why it is that I drink too much. Vaguely, in the back of your mind, I remember 2 days ago, they told me I drink that much because I have a disease called alcoholism.

But now we're trying to connect the dots. What is it that mommy did to you that caused you to drink this much? What is it about your job that's triggering you? Oh my gosh. All the young people, they're they're in their face.

You might wanna take those piercings out and cut your hair because obviously that's causing oh my god. We can sit here and laugh about it. And some of you were sitting there thinking, why is he talking about this? This is true. It's not true.

It's a lie. It's an absolute travesty. Everybody in here thinks Gesundheit. I don't know. Everybody in here thinks everybody in here thinks that drinking's the problem.

Treatment centers think that drinking's the problem. If we can get you dry, you're gonna be okay. And yet we were talking back there with the little guys earlier. We were talking, how many of us know people that got dry and then went out in the backyard with a big grin on their face and shot themselves? Life is so good.

I was talking about my sponsor, 9 years sober, was in an insane asylum in a nuthat. He didn't mind me telling it from the podium. You'll follow? Why do I see so many people miserable in AA? Because they don't do what we ask them to do in AA.

And unfortunately, they were misrepresented in most of the treatment centers they went to. It was like AA is presented as a self help program. That's where this open discussion crap came from. We we catch a bad rap. Guys, I'm not gonna say one group's better than the other because it's not true.

I believe God's in every group. I don't have a problem with that. But the chance of hearing it is better. The solution is better in certain groups than it is in others. If you're using AA as a dumping ground for your problems, if you're using AA as some kind of therapy group, you're off the you're off the hook.

You're off the page. And you're gonna be so disappointed when the obsession to use comes back. Makes sense? Guys, I'm not knocking therapy. If you need a therapist, go find 1.

Serious. Not knocking the fact that we need to talk to each other about what's going on our life. Come before the meeting, after the meeting. But sooner or later, are we gonna talk about the spiritual program of action? Because these 12 steps were intended to be worked worked rapidly.

I've to say this. I've said from this podium 5 times now. I don't really care how you work the steps. Everybody wants to split hairs, how you do this, and how you do that 4 step, how you I don't I don't care. Just do it.

Guys, the problem is not that you did a 4 step incorrectly. The problem is that you didn't do a 4 step at all. Isn't that right? The problem is not that you made your amends incorrectly. The problem is that you didn't finish your damn demands.

And the problem is that you're not you're you're you're confused about working with others. The problem is that you won't get off your selfish and self centered butt and go work with others because you can't screw it up. You can't screw it up. How you screw it up is you don't even attempt it. That's how you screw it up.

God's involved in all this. Don't y'all understand that? You you think you gotta have it all figured out? It's like people want to talk about god. I've gotta get this god thing figured out.

I was talking to little nutcase up in them. I don't remember. I don't remember where I was. Up in up in the I believe it was I was in Staten Island up in New York and this little guy comes up and he's got about 10,000 on a bunch of medications. He told me right off the bat.

And and I hope he gets a copy of it, but I I I'm not making fun of him because I see a lot of people like this. He's he's on a bunch of medications, and he's trying to get well. What can I do? What can I do? And I said, buddy, okay.

You told me about the medications. You told me about the issues and stuff that you're going through. Can you tell me what step you're working on? I'm working on 23. I'm stuck on this god thing.

K. Do you believe there's a God? Why? Absolutely. Then let's move on.

The book says we make a beginning. It's a third step prayer. We make a beginning. It means that that's the only thing you gotta do in order to make a beginning. It's, like, if you're gonna come dig this hole, first thing you gotta have is a shovel.

That's what we're talking about now. But you wanna get it all fixed. Well, but I don't know what god is. Neither do I. Oh my gosh.

What if what if we have so much in common? And, you know, let's oh, bless his heart. I mean, he's a little fried pie, and he's trying to see the light. He's trying to get to the deal. But he believes coming to a bunch of meetings is gonna fix that problem.

If you're sitting in this room, you think going to a bunch of meetings is gonna treat alcoholism, you're mistaken. If if if meetings were gonna treat alcoholism, for heaven's sakes, why does primary purpose only meet 3 times a week? Why do we have a meeting every day? Because primary purpose doesn't want you sitting on your butt talking about your day. Primary purpose wants you here studying the book a few nights a week and then back out the jitter joints working with somebody else?

That's what we're supposed to do. I don't know why that's so controversial. I don't know why working with others is such a controversial thing, but I guarantee you it is. One of the biggest complaints complaints. This is a strong word.

One of the biggest discussions that we have in our hospitals at where I work is this idea that you newcomers are supposed to get out of treatment and then immediately go work with others. You can't work with anybody till you've got some sobriety under your belt. But you see, that's not what my big book says. My big book says on the bottom of page 129, if you don't work with others quickly, you're not gonna stay sober. A bunch of you in this room right now are having trouble staying sober because you won't get out of your head.

Because you're feeling sorry for yourself nonstop. I'm not saying you don't have any reason to feel sorry for yourself. You're going through the ringer. I understand that. Everybody in this room would would would lend you a sympathetic ear, but that won't help you.

Talking about it one more effing time will not help you. At a certain point, you gotta jump in the ditch with us and help us dig. But I don't see how that's gonna help. You y'all understand where I'm at? It's so frustrating.

It's like, I understand you don't see. I don't I can't explain it either. How does working with you affect me? I don't know. I just know that the spiritual principle would go around, comes around, worked in every area of my life.

If I help that little guy in Walmart parking lot, I can assure you god is gonna have something for me coming around the backside. That's just been my experience. And you could think that's horse hockey if you want. I'm telling you it's the truth. Maybe it's why I'm so passionate about it because I've seen it so true in my own life.

I I I I I don't know. Sitting there in the industry watching so many people die. Do you know how many prescription medication prescriptions for for sleep medications went out last year. 26,500,000. Up just shy of 27,000,000 prescriptions for sleep aids.

Sleep medication. Now what's wrong with this country? What's wrong with this what's wrong with this world? And you know what we're seeing in our hospital where where I work? We're watching thousands, if not hundreds, thousands of you relapse around that crap.

Now why can't you sleep? Because you could could be something so simple that you're sleeping here. You're drinking too much coffee, too many too many Cokes. Could it be that you're not working a program? Perhaps.

Y'all follow where we're going with this? You can't put the plug in the jug and just not drink, guys, because it doesn't do anything for the spiritual malady. The internal condition that's kicking your butt will return, and it will return in sobriety with a vengeance. Y'all follow? Let me tell you.

We were laughing earlier. We were talking to Patty and and some of the guys. You know the people that send me stay the email. We I get I get lots of great emails from people that are grateful for what we do. But I I get state the emails from people all over the world.

They hear CDs on x a. They've never heard me speak in public, but they, you know, if you connect the dots on the Internet, you can find me anywhere. I mean, that's just the nature of the beast. But and I want them to. I use my last name from the podium because I want people to be able to reach me.

They call me on the phone and they talk and visit and that's they're they're they're pissed. You with us? Let me tell you who gets mad. It ain't the little young buckaroos. It ain't the it ain't the the the the new little bulls we have in our fellowship kicking butt, taking names.

They're they're honored to be a part of a growing movement of men and women helping to carry the message of hope to the to the to the suffering people out there. They're honored to be a part of anything. It's not the old geezers. It's not the old crusty ones. 30 years sober.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. The it's the it's the people about the the loop sobriety that I've got about 20 years. They've graduated from a treatment center where they were told that they will always be recovering and that they can only manage at best to be reasonably happy. Treatment centers that set the bar really low.

Like, if you were sober today, you had a successful day. Because, credit cards are all maxed out and I'm cheating on my wife, but you had a successful day because you didn't pick up a dream. I gotta tell you this point blank. I said, god god allowed some evil evil evil evil sons of bitches to get well. I probably shouldn't have said that.

God. Alright. Why would I say that? Why would I say that? Why why would I because this is exactly what we're seeing.

Why would somebody with a with a period of sobriety walk across the room to somebody that's excited about recovery? He's got a little big book there and make a point to go over there and because he misspoke a little bit or maybe misquoted something or maybe didn't shoot a hole in it. Why why would they do that? Why would he why would he take per perfect liberty with the idea of going up to this new little guy telling him, you can't recover from alcoholism. Don't you know you will always be sick?

Y'all understand what I'm saying? Take shots at a little newcomer excited about recovery. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on me if I ever do it.

You'll follow all around the world. We go do a big book workshop in London, Texas. They won't even put us on the inner group on on on the on the mailouts, on the on the notices. Why? Because we're talking out of the big book.

No. You little big book dumpers. No. No. Evil evil sons of bitches.

I just I mean, I don't know why we're having taken so much resistance from our own fellowship. That's what drives me crazy. And I'm gonna tell you this, guys. I'll end with it later on. But everyone of you guys have set in this fellowship and taken abuse from somebody else because you stood for something and carried a big vote and tried to do what was right, thank you so much for doing that.

Because I gotta tell you something, folks. We Dustin and I were talking about it not long ago and having a little heated conversation. You're not gonna believe how many people are on the same page as us now. 10 years ago, 15 years ago, when I did my first primary purpose, I'm gonna tell you something, folks. It was tough out there, not near as tough out there because people are starting to see the truth.

Guys, god's grace is even on everybody. All you gotta do, I'm kidding. Where you're at? You're sitting over here and you're eating handfuls of antidepressants just trying to keep the day together. You and your and your and your and your life is full of bad stuff going on in your life.

You with us? I'll tell wherever you are, what you need to do is you get a sponsor that's had a spiritual experience as a result of working the steps, and then you rapidly walk through the 12 steps. Rapidly. I mean, like, 30 days. Let's finish the steps.

Let's make your first approach on the amends, and then let's get our butts out there on the on the trench, out there on the helping other alcoholics and addicts. Means if you're sober 30 days and you're not in the ginger drink someplace, you won't. I got sober in the Hill Country with with Myers, and this was a classic example. Myers is a little disco drunk and I'm a sloppin' drunk. I mean, I'm he was always a little a little more, a little more, well mannered than I was.

But he was still drinking like me, and that's what I'm saying. We can't get caught up in stories and stuff. I watched him fall out of the back of a cabin one time we've been drinking. There was a there was one of those milk crates. Did I tell the story up here one time before?

Oh, it's the best story. It was it was like a milk crate, you know, sitting on the back of this old cabin like that, and he stepped out on it, stepped on it, crooked, and fell on his butt and busted. He'd been drinking beer all that long. Have you ever dropped a cord of beer and watch it go, and then it explodes? That's exactly what he did.

You can hear the air coming out. Stand back. It's gonna blow. Oh my god. I've been sick before, but, I mean, I've never made a public spectacle like that.

We all had our moments. You don't we all we all had our moments. And he was in the food business with me, and we went to Houston and and, and we're both quite pretty successful. And, I was a professional chef and did some good things and but the drinking and drugging started to cause me some problems. Mostly drinking, I didn't even see, I didn't even do a a drug until till almost 1980 1979, 1980.

Mostly, it's just the drinking. Always alcohol. Alcohol. Just beer is what nearly killed me. And I walked away from mountains of other stuff, and I could not walk away from alcohol.

I'm just so stupid. And I'm over drinking and I'm and it's it's affecting me. And I married a lady thinking that that was gonna fix the problem. And, you know, it's the it's the classic, you know, god, if you'll let me marry this woman, I'll put some roots down, and I'll I'll grow up, and everything will be okay. And, you know, 2 weeks later, I haven't even taken the rental shoes back.

I said, god, if you could kill this woman, everything will be okay. You family members sitting in here. I mean, y'all y'all got to understand this. If you're gonna take the heat of anything because this is your fault, we can't stay sober. And it probably is, but that's not no.

It's not. And I can't get sober, and I'm seeing doctors, and I'm seeing this and that and the other. And, they're giving me some antidepressants. And, you know, this first wife's got me convinced. He said, Chris, you drink because you're depressed.

You're with us? And that's that's the deal. So which came first, the chicken or the egg? Because alcohol is a a depressant. Some of y'all didn't know that, did you?

And I'm drinking on top of this. And, but I'm taking the medications and every time I go see another therapist from another county, you gotta go see this guy. Oh, okay. I'll go see this guy. Oh, Chris, you're not you're not depressed.

You're you're bipolar. I mean, it's tough not talking to you. I don't even have to give you an exam. You're here. You need to get some of these medications here.

Oh, you're not bipolar. You're anti, you know, anxiety. You obviously have a little disorder and they're like, no. No. No.

No. Jesus. And I'm taking 7 pills a day. I can't afford to pay rent because I'm buying pills. Myers knows I'm taking antidepressants.

I don't know if he knows I'm taking the other stuff. Who knows? And, I did this on and off for years. 1987, that first wife's gone. She got tired of the abuse, I can assure you.

And, and I wanted to stop and couldn't stop. And it was affecting my career, and I wanted to stop for that and couldn't stop. I could stop for short periods of time, folks. I've gotta say it. Everybody in this room can stop for short periods of time, but then there's internal discomfort starts to come back.

And before you know it, it's kicking my butt. My head is saying it's time to go. So in 1980 7, I'm working for Myers. Thank god for family. And y'all have heard me talk about it.

It's difficult not to get emotional. Every time I bankrupt another checking account, I go to my sister-in-law, Landa, and she bails me out one more time. And, I mean, if it hadn't been for family, I would have been on the streets. I've got a little apartment, you know, over there in Lewisville, and I've got a couple of stinky ferrets and a a few plants, and that's about it. And, I picked up a stack of returned checks in the mail, and I went to my house, and I sat on the floor, and I opened them up.

And I'm just pissed because I've been trying to do good. You know, I've been really trying to pay these bills, and I'm you know? But I've failed miserably again. And I've got a 12 pack of beer, and I've worked it on those brewskies. And it just dawns on me.

So, Chris, it's never gonna be different. The holidays are coming up. Same stuff. I hate holidays. Guys, 20 years sober.

I I hate holidays. I just there's so much pressure. There's so much just craziness, and it's I'm just telling you, it's okay to be an AA and hate the holidays. I hate kids. Did I ever tell you that?

Oh my gosh. I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you. Used to be airports. It was the this is this is what you do with kids.

You just ignore them and they'll eventually go away. Since this since this stupid Brad Pitt Pirates of the Caribbean crap came out. Why? You you you you can't you can't get away from them. You just walk in the airport and they're like, oh, yes.

It's a look at the nice little pirate that I'm just looking. I don't know why people feel it's perfectly okay to do that. You see a guy in a wheelchair, you don't walk by, oh, look at the nice cripple. You know what I mean? But we've got a patch.

He's immediately as I know it. I should have a better sense of humor. I've had this patch on for 60 years. It's not fun anymore. I just anyway, I tried to take a I digress.

I'm sorry. I tried to take a bunch of pills and off myself that night. And, I've said it from every podium and I feel it's necessary to do that. I'm not romanticizing suicide. It's the stupid coward way out.

And I mean it from the podium. I get people wanting to call and you you should have said that from the podium. I'm telling you, suicide is the chicken shit, coward's way out. Anybody misunderstand that? Come on, guys.

Because the rest of us have just gotta pick it up, and I've done it in sobriety. It's a bear. You know? You go into the I'm hopeless. I've been in AA for 7 years.

Now listen. I've been in AA for 7 years, and I'm hopeless. You follow me? I've been in therapy for 10 years taking all these medications and I'm hopeless. Now something's not working here.

I had a conversation with god that night. I believe he said, don't do this. Go back to AA. And I made myself sick that night and, because I checked. It wasn't the ferrets that were doing the talking.

It was something else. I'm looking at this ferret's mouth making sure that it's not moving. You know what I mean? Because I'm hearing this voice. Oh my gosh.

And and the next day, I I I call the docs from work. At 9 o'clock, we have a break at work at the bindery, and I went to work that day. And I'm Tommy and I busted up. And I I, I don't even know if Myers and them knew what was going on, but I called the the doc at at the 9 o'clock break. And I went and got some doggy downers that day at lunch because I'm detoxing, and I I'm coming apart.

But I'm gonna make a I'm gonna draw a line of sand, and this time I'm gonna do whatever they ask. And I go back to this meeting. It's at 6 o'clock. It's a little little meeting. They told me that there was thumpers over there.

So I and I've been around AA for 7 years. I've been into the meeting making make it? Uh-uh. I've been around forever. So I know.

And I'll hear about that, but that's not very spiritual. Yes. It is. Yes. It is.

I walked back in to this AA meeting, a cold November night like this overcast, just I parked 2 blocks away so nobody knew I was walking into an AA meeting. And I walked in the back door and, and if what they said was true. And everybody was carrying big books and everybody because they were smoking meat back in the day, long shot, and then 6 foot tables all lined up. Everybody's around it. I just I don't know.

30, 40 people in there. All everybody was smoking. Cigarettes hanging out their mouth. 3 or 4 cigarettes. Go suck.

You realize listen, guys. In in another week or so, I'm gonna have a year off tobacco. Patty and I both of them have a year off tobacco. And I gotta tell you, I still hate it. I mean, I miss tobacco.

I don't I've never missed liquor one day. Tobacco, I still you got any no. We ruined it because nobody would just do one cigarette a beating. We had to smoke 6 or 7 beatings in a beating. That's why we screwed it up.

You guys that's the answer. That's what happened. So anyway, I walked in and a little girl got between me and the door and wouldn't let me out. Y'all heard my story a 1000 times, some of you. This little 19 year old girl slid up behind me and wouldn't let me out, set me down in a chair.

And I'm not amused. I mean, this is this is I'm pissed. Because I'm walking out, everybody laughing and joking, and I'm really self conscious. I'm not a happy camper. And, I'm thinking I'm making a very big deal out of this, and I need to go home and and detox properly.

And maybe next week, I'll come back to a meeting. I'm guys, if this little girl had let me out of that meeting, I'd have been dead because I would never go back. Y'all follow? It seemed like a good idea at the time and there I am. And now it doesn't seem like such a good idea, and I want out.

And I've done this a 1000 times, and here I am one more time. What's the problem? It's 24 hours since my last drink, and I'm getting thirsty. And she set me down and hooked her finger in my belt like, cliff touched on it. We don't see that anymore.

Our idea of 12 step working hours is let's just haul them to a treatment center. I no. But I was sitting in that meeting coming up unglued and detoxing, and this little old girl's pouring coffee and just the group loved me. And that night, the chairperson said, let's go around the room and share some hope with this cat, and that's what they did. And they talked about stuff that I could relate to.

And I've said it from a 1000000 podiums, folks. If those people had shared one more stupid war story with me, I would've choked. I don't wanna hear ever I don't wanna hear another story from any of you. You could share it with whoever you want, but I don't wanna hear it because I'm sick and tired of hearing it. And so is the fellowship.

Fear is not gonna keep me so moved, guys. On page 24, it clearly states, I'm not gonna remember the consequences of a week or a month ago. It means I'm not gonna remember my own stupid war stories, much less yours. You'll follow? From this podium, tell all the war stories you want.

In a 12 step call, tell all the war stories you want. But once we come to a meeting, shut up with the war stories. Yes. Alright. The number one complaint that I get from the fellowship number one complaint that I get from the patients coming to the hospital is when they find out this is a we're a 12 step deal, and we're gonna send them back to AA.

They're furious. They are they're pissed. I tried AA. It doesn't work. All I'm gonna do is go hear a bunch of war stories.

You follow? Now listen, guys. I'm gonna say it and move on because some of you are shaking your head and I don't wanna make sure that y'all misunderstand me. Your stories are important at a certain spot. You with us?

From the podium and that 12 step call. After we've got these cats in the meeting though, we need to share some hope. And that's what those people did for me that night. You'll follow? They went around and they talked about getting jobs, getting money, and having kids, and and building families, and doing the cool things that I always thought that we're we're never gonna do.

I I joke and I shared it from this exact podium before. There was a guy in here that talked about having having license plate and car tags and insurance and a spare tire all at one time. He he could've oh my gosh. It just it took the breath away. I mean, that's true.

I'm just like, I you gotta be kidding. I've been struggling for years on that nonsense. At the end of the meeting, the old geezer got me and the old guy got me and, and asked me if I wanted to stay sober for good. And I said one day at a time and he said, no. No.

No. I asked you a specific question. Are you done? Guys, you don't have the power to stay sober by yourself. And I know that we have a daily spiritual connection that's gonna gonna decide whether we're gonna stay sober or not.

But it starts with a decision. Are you done? There's a bunch of you sitting in this room right now that can't stay sober. It's because you haven't made the decision yet. You haven't committed to Jack.

Well, I'll go. We'll see. We'll try again. That's not a commitment. That's what some of you are doing in your marriages.

We'll see. Maybe it ain't gonna work. I'm committed, baby. I'm there. Okay?

I said yes. I said I said I'm down with it. You with me? The next day, they were on my doorstep. They followed me home that night and made sure I was got I didn't know that they'd followed me home, but they did.

And the next day, they dragged me back up to that meeting and was down on our knees after a 10 o'clock meeting and did a 3rd step prayer. You with us? Now remember, guys, I've been an agent for 7 years. There's no sense that we'll sit around and let Chris get on his feet. Because when Chris gets on his feet, he runs.

You'll follow? It's just that simple. And I we did a 3rd step prayer. We got up. We went and got some food and came back.

And they gave me a little notebook. Said, let's start writing. Chris, start writing working on a list here. It's gonna be a 4 step. People get pissed at.

And all of you will think, well, that's way too fast. That's because the treatment center told you it's way too fast. Because the big book says next we launch down a course of vigorous action. I got on my knees. I did a 3rd step parents' time to start working on a 4 step.

Some of you've been sitting in here for months and you still haven't finished the 4 step. What are you doing? And why are you doing it is the next question, I suppose. Because we need you in the trench, and we can't use you in the trench until you finish this stupid work, because you're not gonna have the spiritual experience necessary until you do. Does that make sense?

Yes. See, I'm thinking, guys. I understand that somehow, someway, that these 12 steps have something to do with the spiritual experience. I understand that some of you do them and some of you just don't, but eventually, god's gonna grace us with some sobriety. That's just not true.

Millions of us millions of us die of this stupid disease. You follow? Because we simply, in our arrogance, refused to to do what we were supposed to do, which is work the 12 steps. Follow? It's what Joe McHugh and these guys talked about.

Non stop. Work the steps. Work the steps. Work the steps. There's more to this than this step.

No. It's not. It's all about the steps. We we're involved in a program that has all of these promises. Can y'all get down with this?

We we're involved in a program that is about the promises. But but we hang around in a fellowship that's all about mights and maybes. Well, perhaps this will happen. Maybe. We don't know.