The We're making it newcomers meeting in Carson, CA

Hi. My name is Dale Green. I'm an alcoholic. And welcome to the, meeting, everybody. I'm I got here a little late.

Traffic is horrible. And, and I had to go I had to drive a lot to and then I got lost, and and then anybody can relate to that. Welcome to new people. It's good to be here with new people. I saw new people.

New people are a necessity in order for Alcoholics Anonymous to work, and we're glad you're here. AA does not need a whole lot of time sober in order for it to work. New people started this shit, and, it's good to be sober. My sobriety date is May 29, 1991, which means I just, took, 16 years this past May. So I'm into my sweet 16th year of sobriety.

Feel like a little virgin girl after a quinceanera. So for, 16 years. 16 years of sobriety. Wow. Amazing.

And I remember when I couldn't stay sober for 16 minutes after I would wake up in the morning. I grew up in, Jordan Downs Housing Projects in Watts, not too far from here. And, and I love living over there, man. I I just love the atmosphere of being able to be drunk all the time, and nobody really give a shit about it. And, my mother is the first person I ever seen enjoy alcohol.

She made drinking look fun, and she would play, card games all night with her friends. They would play bidwiz and spades. And, and we used to love me and my brother and my sisters, we'd love, like, watching them, you know, and all of that. And then we would kind of be nervous about, if people like us would show up. We like when the normies would be there because if the alcoholics would show up, then there wouldn't be any drinks left over after the card came.

And, we love when the normies came by. Normies, provide very, very, safe drinking environments for folk like us, and, and that's what we did. We, took advantage of the normal drinkers, leaving all that booze behind. And, we drank and cleaned up after those parties, man, and it was fun. My mother would be passed out, and we would be just getting started, me and my brother and my sisters.

And after some years passed, my siblings, they didn't drink as much and as often as I, decided to drink for some reason. They always wanted to stop or not do it at all or had other plans. And for me, I just couldn't stop, you know, and then that's when I couldn't wait for the card games. I would be looking for the boos before my mother's friends would even get there, you know, because I wanted to get loaded, and I didn't have time to be waiting on nobody playing no goddamn cards. And, and that's how fast it progressed with me not even being a teenager yet.

You know, I started drinking, at a very young age, And and it just really, you know, took a hold on me to a point where I just made it in I made it, you know, the throwing up and all of that stuff and and not being able to do school right and all that. I just, adjusted myself, around those dysfunctional aspects of drinking. There was not a problem for me to be late or to not go to school. There was no reason for me to worry about making certain appointment, appointments or engagements because I need to get, stay, and be loaded, and I have to do research and development on that on those issues. And I really don't have time to be responsible for all these real things that a lot of other people seem to be so, excited about being attached to because I'm gonna get loaded.

And, and and what happened is I just got out of control. And and instead of, enjoying it, you know, I felt that it was just necessary. You know, I had had to be high. And just all the scrapes and and and the stories that go along with my drinking, I got too many of them, and I don't have enough time. But I'll tell you, I know I need to be here, especially on days when I don't feel like being here.

I'm a real alcoholic. I I have fallen in love before AA. I have moved around and all of that, and I still have not been able to deal with the obsession to drink and use the way you men and women have done that for me. And I and I tried all the imaginable remedies that I could come up with, and that included, like, only getting loaded on Tuesdays and Fridays and stuff like that, or only getting high at my brother's house, but staying sober when I would go to my mom's house. All of that stuff never worked for me.

And, and and what did work for me, however, is making sure that no matter what was going on in my life, that drinking had to be a part of it or I wasn't interested. You know? And I had to have a way to get to alcohol in order to function. I remember when I was in the California Conservation Corps when I was about, 18 years old, and there's this little program where you go and, like, put out fires and and build dams for floods and all this bullshit, and you're gonna, you know, be a respectful member of society. And we would live at these different places throughout the state that the state owned, like at Camarillo hot state hospital in Camarillo.

We lived there, and our camp was in the back with the staff housing. And it was just sort of like Hotel California, like a song by the Eagles. And we would just get loaded and fry off that acid and run around in the back in those heels, And it was just wonderful, and I loved that. And that was, that was a very exciting time for me. I enjoyed the insanity of running around, loaded, and having a good time, man.

I enjoyed it. There were a couple of negative things that took place. But for the most part, I was fully involved in that lifestyle because it, it fed the obsession, and I was allowed to hook up with guys and gals that were using and getting loaded the same way I'd like to. And, we we live back there, and I remember one night we were, and I know this is an AA meeting and and all of that, but it's not my grand sponsor used to tell me a long time ago, it's not the chemical you take. It's the body you put it in that's all screwed up.

And I remember just doing that acid, man, and running around back there and yelling and screaming and laughing our fucking ass. And one of our friends fell down a hill and rolled down about the length of a football field and just rolled down the hill. And, one girl was with us, and she was like, oh my god. What we gonna do? He fell.

And then 3 of us just started laughing. I thought that was the funniest motherfucking thing. And this is before, like, jackass and I was bullshitting, you know, YouTube and all. That was a live example of just something like that rolling down the hill. It was I still laugh at that, you know, when I think about that.

He fell his ass off, you know? He fell down that hill, and I laughed and laughed and laughed, and I'm and and then I couldn't stop laughing. And and we we laughed all the way back to the dorm, and we got in trouble because we were loud because we kept laughing. And then it dawned on us the next morning. Did did he even get up?

You know, the guy that fell down the hill. He didn't say no. And and and he did make it back safe. But my point is that, you know, when you when I'm living like that, reality has no place, in my mind for me. I don't I don't wanna know what's real.

I don't care. And, when I left that program or that place, I went back to Watts, and that's when my disease really progressed, because I got thrown out of that program. I got caught getting loaded in my room. And we can't you can't use drugs and stuff over there and drink, on the state hospital grounds. They just have a problem with that.

And, and I remember when me and my friend got caught and they kicked us out, Kirk Cottrell, he told me he said, oh, man. This is just another phase in life that you just gotta deal with. Don't worry about it, and let's go get some weed. And we went and got some weed, and and I always use that as my little mantra for getting caught drunk somewhere. Oh, this is another phase.

Yeah. You know? And finally, I went down to phase 9 down on 5th and Saint Julian. I phased out and went on over there. And, I phased into that program, living on the goddamn streets, selling me, my brother's clothing, and anything I get my hands on to get loaded.

And and and that's when I think it really started bothering me a little bit. I mean, before living on Skid Row, I could always, like, find somewhere to hide behind some Al Anon that's gonna take care of me or help me or fix me, do everything but address the real problem. I can't stop getting drunk, you know. And and and and I adjusted to living on Skid Row. I'm here to share that if you're new, in no way am I trying to do a little scared straight thing on you, When you make it down there, you'll learn how to do it.

If you really wanna stay drunk and and continue to ignore the solution, you'll be able to make it on Skid Row, Row, trust me, until you die. And and and so I'm not trying to scare anybody into staying sober because I don't wanna live on Skid Skid Row. If you be real alcoholic, you will make the adjustment. And, and that's what I did and I loved the adjustment. Back of that RTD bus and fell back off the bus.

And I felt like that white lady in that movie, The Sound of Music, twirling around on the hill, and it was a beautiful experience for me. I enjoyed Skid Row. There there was nobody down there really, like, holding me accountable, you know, and you could just holding me accountable, you know, and you could just wander around and walk around and stay drunk all day. And nobody was telling you, you need to go to school or you need to get a job. People were like, what do you wanna do to get loaded?

Okay. We're gonna go over here. And it was sort of like, it was kinda like a research project on who could get loaded the fastest and the most often as all the timest. To you know? I love living down there.

And then one night, I was down there. It was really cold, and they have these trash cans that they set on fire, and they burn stuff at night. And so you stand around and you sort of it's almost like voodoo, I guess. But you stand around and you sort of talk about what you're gonna do to get what you need to do. And and and and I learned how to do that down on Skid Row, how to to talk up getting loaded.

And that's why I warn my friends about conversation and sobriety, how powerful that is. Because we would just talk up getting high, and the next thing you know, somebody would come up on something. And then we would just be loaded, man, and all we did was just talked about it at first. See, a lot of that happened in an AA nowadays, staying stuck in the drunker log. And what happened for me is I basically got ran out of that community.

And every community that I would go and try to hibernate and feed this disease with, I got ran out of it, you know, because my my disease progresses to a point where other the people around me can't tolerate it because I'm sucking all the resources out of the goddamn environment they've allowed me to live in. I don't know if anybody in here can relate to that. And then I wound up, going back over and visiting, my goddaughter, in Watts, this girl that I went to school with. She let me be her her daughter's god daughter, godfather, and I remember going to visit her. And 2 of my friends saw me and they hadn't seen me in a while, and they were happy to see me, you know.

And they beat my ass because, I had stolen some money from them. And, and they chased me out of there. And I wound up falling down on the ground in front of this, this building called the West Minister Foundation, which is a little place where you do, like, theater therapy and children's workshops. And I have been involved in that community, based program for a long time growing up in Watts. And the director of the program came out and saw me laying on the ground, bleeding, because my friend had thrown a hammer at the back of my head after I started running after he hit me in the hand with that hammer.

And, and I was just laying on the ground, and she scraped me up and took me to Big General Hospital. And they patched me up and and put me in a cast. They gave me some Demerol, and, and and something told me, man, there's gotta be a way you can do this again, you know, to get that buzz, to get that hit change. And I remember leaving that, hospital and going over to my aunt's house. She, she told me that I can no longer live in her home anymore because I had become, just a nuisance and just a pain in the ass.

And so she threw me out, but she told me I could still sleep in the garage on the floor, and that's what I proceeded to do. And I live back there in that garage, and, incidentally, it was thought that my brother had, a son by her child, but we found out that that was not true, just about 3 years ago, and it devastated me. But, I don't wanna go there. I'm chasing rabbits. Anyway, my nephew, I still consider him my nephew today.

My nephew saw me sleeping back there, and and other and other times, I would nap in an abandoned car back there. And I heard him ask his mother one night, why is uncle Didi sleeping in that car? You know? And I started crying, and that really fucked me up. You know, people wanna know why I'm so fanatical about AA, Little stuff like that.

And, and I remember, getting up one morning and trying to get some food from her. And she told me that I needed to go down to, Big General Hospital and find out if they have some sort of a program or a place where I could go. And I went down there, and I went to this little, like, public services department within the hospital. And this little old lady is in there, and she told me, we have nothing here for you. You know, you have your little brace thing that you got from our other county facility.

You got a little free shot of Demerol when you were down there, and there's really nothing we can do for you, sir. But she said go down, about a mile away from here to this little place called El Centro, which is a little referral like drug addict, alcoholic place, whatever the hell it was, you know. It looked like a, like a little drugstore, you know, like one of those weird movies or something. You know? And I remember going in there, and I walked all the way down there with my little cane.

And and I met this little Mexican guy in there named Ronnie Mesias. Ronnie Mesias sat me down and told me that I, that I didn't have anything to show for the life that I've been living. I was 24 years old. I was already living on Skid Row, and I wasn't gonna make it. And, and I believed him, and nobody had ever really said it like that or I'd never heard it like that.

But for some reason, that hit me right in the stomach when he said that, and he said I'll be right back. And he went to get, what I found out later was these little bus pass things because he put me in a hotel room for 7 days on 7th in Vermont, and he made me catch the bus from his office to that hotel every day while he looked for me a program to go into. And that day when he left me in that cubicle, I got on my knees and I asked God to help me because I didn't know what to do. And, and I meant that prayer. You know?

And I didn't give a real long winded, you know, prayer. It was just, god, please help me because I knew I was really in trouble. And, and and and on the last day of living in that hotel, he put me in. He he told me to go down to the Volunteers of America building and, make a phone call to a place called Warm Springs Rehabilitation Center. And, and I went into that little lobby of that building, and I made that phone call.

And, there was a lady on the phone named Yolanda, and she told me that, I had to have 7 days sober in order to come to Warm Springs. And before going in there to make that phone call, I have found a little roach on the ground in front of the building. A roach is a marijuana joint part of a we had an AA meeting and people get all nervous about marijuana. You know? And, Yeah.

I smoked a little weed and went in there to start my recovery. And I told her that I did not have no 7 days, so we were gonna have to push this back a little bit, and I'll get back with her and and and really start the process on a clean slate. You know, when I look good enough, I'll I'll I'll do it. When I look good enough, I'll get started. When I arrange my outside to where it looks like I don't even really kinda even need this shit, then I'll give you a call.

And, she told me to get on the van anyway. Now that kinda fucked me up a little bit, but I went ahead and got on the van, and I've been sober ever since, you know, so far. So I guess I better spend the rest of the time talking about recovery, if you don't mind. And what happened after I got on that van is my life changed, and I got involved with those people on that hill that were involved in changing who they were. And, and I just became a brown nosing sucked up.

You know, I just sucked up. I I I I asked questions, and I got involved because for some strange reason, from the time I left that building to the time we went up that road up to Warm Springs, I thought for a second that maybe this would help me. Just maybe. And maybe I don't have to continue to live on Skid Row and pretend as though that I don't need help anymore. No.

Maybe I could finally look my mother in the eye and not wonder if she think I'm high. Maybe. And I just went on up there, man, and they voted me in after several months being there, as the AA steering committee chairman. And I don't really know how you can get that position without taking the steps, but I did it, baby. And, I was up there, man, and I became in charge of AA straight out.

If we're gonna do AA, we're gonna do it and we're gonna do it. And don't ask me about the steps because I haven't taken them, but we're gonna we're gonna do AA. And, and I just got involved, man, and I did I got motivated like I did for how I got high because I figured that if I didn't get involved, then I really wasn't gonna be involved. And it's kind of like that little thing they tell in AA meetings like a breakfast where you got the ham and the eggs, and the fucking chicken makes a contribution, but the pig makes a complete and total sacrifice. And that's what I had to do.

You know, because I know a lot of people come here to contribute and tell us what we need to probably change around here. In other words, metaphorically, just laying eggs all over the fucking place. But the people who benefit me the most in Alcoholics Anonymous are the men and women who choose to make a sacrifice, who arrange their lives so that AA, is all that really matters in order to get those other, caveats of living. Those are the men and women that I've gravitated toward to help me stay here. The men and women who sacrifice in order to, do AA.

And you may not think that those people are here. A lot of them probably don't even know how to talk as well as I think I can, but there are men and women here in this program, in this society that know that without AA, they don't get nothing, you know. And so they live like that. They live as though that if they don't have AA, they don't get shit, you know. And those are the people that, have kept me from killing my full self even after being sober for a little while.

I go and I find those men and women who no matter what are committed to living and doing and not drinking around AA, you know. And those are men and women who, primarily have taken our steps, and they've decided to take other people through the steps because they realize that that's the whole meaning behind the steps, is to get other people through them. Because I'm already taken care of for the most part. I mean, in spite of the problems that I create pretty much on a daily basis, I know that my higher power keeps me sober, and I know that I don't have to leave here to learn anything, You know? That I can make all my mistakes here and now in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I didn't come up with that idea. An old timer taught me that. Somebody that had been sober for a while taught me that I don't have to leave AA in order to learn, anything about not drinking. You know? And, when I got to Lancaster, which is where I moved to after I left Warm Springs, that's where I met my sponsor, at the Open Door Fellowship Hall of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Just sort of a high entry level group. There wasn't a lot of puff and fluff. People came in there smelling like shit, feeling like shit, and talking a whole bunch of shit. And there were men and women in there like a triage situation that were helping folk recover, not only from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, but from the dishonesty that takes us back there one more time even after having time sober. They were basically in their brainwashing people.

And as filthy as my brain was when I got here, I needed it. I needed that extra cycle. You know, the washing machine, it got an extra one, a extra cycle. I needed that, metaphorically. I I really did.

And and because my life before accepting a lot of this stuff was just about like, you know what? There's no reason to live and try to do what these people are doing around me. I'm outnumbered anyway. I don't attach and connect and just blossom like people do in society. I don't I don't feel right about it.

It doesn't seem like it's working half the time. So why even bother? Does anybody have any beer for God's sake? These people want you to really adjust to things that I just don't really connect to. I'd much rather be drunk.

And, so it's not a moral thing here that keeps me sober, even though I've learned a couple of morals. I I think what keeps me sober is just this spiritual thing that I can't control, but I just, am am willing to be a connect I'm connected part of it now. I I want that connection. You know? And when he took me through the steps, he changed my life.

You know, he didn't just tell me to read this bullshit with him and then go and make friends. He was an intrusive, assertive, pain in the ass. And I needed I needed that because my head automatically sets me up to get loaded again. It doesn't set me up to have people in my life constantly confronting me with my own bullshit. I don't naturally gravitate toward those people.

Don't be telling me shit about me. Look at you. What about your mama? You know, shit. You know, don't don't tell me about me.

And, he didn't care, man, and I didn't intimidate him, and he scared the shit out of me. It wasn't that I felt that he would, like, beat me up or anything physically, but I just felt that by the time I started telling him all this secrets and stuff that, you know, he had the pro he was properly armed with facts about me at that point. So Okay. I was just playing. Psych.

Yeah. He he he he knew that that that that I was fucking psycho and that and that and that I was gonna wind up getting loaded again. And he treated me like this shit could kill me. He treated me like I had no guarantee other than the fact that if I didn't drink, I didn't get drunk. That's the way he behaved toward me, and it was really uncomfortable, you know, really uncomfortable.

But for some reason, all that stuff he used to tell me just makes sense a little bit more now. Not all of it. I still got I still haven't gotten over that one thing he used to say. I was sharing about the other day. There's something spiritual about having a job.

I still I don't know why he he still says that. He's got a 20 years, so and I don't know why he say that yet. You know? I like my job today, this one. I've had it for a little while now.

Sometimes I see the spirituality in it. He claims it's supposed to be there all the time, and I'm not there yet. Maybe when I get 20 years sober, I'll probably understand that a little more. But anyway, I I got through the steps with him, and in that group, those people just, like, raised me up in the group, man. And they they let me go to their business meetings, and then they let me listen to them argue about how much coffee should we put in the thing and how, you know, we would argue about that because that was important.

And we would make issue about 2 scoops or 3. Shit. We gotta we gotta iron this out tonight. Nobody leaves until we find out how much coffee's going in that thing, you know. And we would and we would argue about some of the stupidest shit.

I mean, we had, me and my friend, Pat Rodriguez, she's been sober a 1000000 years, we put on this for this, 12 step seminar where we would study 3 steps per weekend. And we started a damn war at the group because they didn't wanna cancel the meeting. They didn't wanna do it. Finally, they approved it, and then the last issue left was, should we buy balloons or not? And I told Pat, I said, Pat, we got them.

They're gonna let us do the steps and then we're fighting to do steps in AA. We're gonna do the steps and and and and but lay off the balloon shit because they we got it. And she said, no. We shall have balloon, you know. And that went on for about a month.

And finally, we got the balloons and we did the seminar. And, it was a beautiful thing. We did 3 steps a weekend. And I remember, putting that on, and I had about, like, 4 years sober. That whole thing changed my life, man, because we got what we did is we invited speakers from all over the area to share about each step, you know, and we and we we did it as a fundraiser for our group.

And, man, you know what? Listening to all those different people just changed my attitude toward being trapped in the fucking open door, you know, because I started realizing that I was a part of AA, that I wasn't just part of a group. And so I do a lot of nomad meeting, type stuff. I travel around to different meetings because I don't know about you, but when I was getting loaded, I knew where to go to get shit, and you could drop me off in the middle of a fucking desert. And we would either dig to go get a drink or something, but we were gonna and that's I like to be able to do that.

I like to be able to go places and just go to a meeting wherever I'm at. We've gone to San Francisco now 3 times this year, and we go to this little club out there, the Marina Dock. And we and we know where that meeting is. We know where to go. They have great meetings there, and it's surrounded by bars.

And you can hear the people hollering and shit. Hey. You know, and then come get loaded. Come on. You know?

And we're in the meeting doing AA, visiting out of the area, doing AA, man. And it's a beautiful thing. Here comes the mushy part for those of you that aren't gonna stay. What I have found here is that there's no reason to leave, especially to be drunk. I mean, sometimes we may get depressed or we may get confused or we may have gambling or sexual issues and stuff.

We may need therapy and all of But as far as leaving to be sober and to practice total abstinence, there's no reason for me to leave AA for that, you know. And it's a beautiful thing, man, to not have to be wandering around trying to figure out how the fuck am I gonna stay sober tonight or do I really wanna stay sober anyway? You know, that the psychic change has happened for me. And on a lot of days, it's kind of boring, you know. On a lot of days, it's not exciting.

On a lot of days, it's not like I've drank 17 energy drinks and I jump up out of the bed and go, yippee. Where's my higher power? You know, it don't feel like that all the time. You know, a lot of times it feels kinda like I have been sober for 16 years, and I don't have shit to show for it. There's some emptiness there that kind of just follows me around wherever I go.

And so what my higher power does is he just puts the newcomers in there to plug up those holes, metaphorically. I believe that if you're sitting in this meeting tonight with time sober and you got a lot of problems and you're not feeling good about your sobriety, you're not connected to enough new people. They will keep you preoccupied with their bullshit until you go to sleep. And your problems will be solved by lack of attention when you're working with these other people saving your life. And people will be asking me all the time, how many people asshole, and I am.

I really am. I I you know, I I know I know what I sound like if you don't sound like this about AA because I've been there. You know, I have not had the fire all the time, man. You know, and the people and my grand sponsor said that they used to call him a And and and my grand sponsor said that they used to call him a fanatic. And he said that his sponsor told him good because fanatics don't usually get drunk.

You know? So in other words, it's like when I left that rehab and I moved into that community and those men and women started teaching me how to do AA at the group level, I was interested. And like the big book says, I had to be because I was hopeless. Hopeless people tend to turn an eye toward this stuff. People who have yet not found no answer, show a little bit of interest in this shit because they don't really have a lot of other stuff going for them in regards to not drinking.

So what I try to do basically is just stay involved as much as I can. You know, and I know to other people, it may look like I'm trying to be on a pedestal or something, but the bottom line is my alcoholism is very acute. Bottom line is my alcoholism is very acute. You know, my alcoholism is very, very, alive and well. You know.

And on any given day, I know that I'm subject to fall victim to a mental blank spot. So what I try to do is a lot of preemptive stuff, and I just try to be in a safe place because I don't know when it's gonna happen. You know, it does the book doesn't tell me exactly when it's gonna happen. In that middle blank spot, it it can come in in a lot of ways, man. It could tell you, you know what?

I don't need to go to that meeting. I've already worked the staffs. You know, I've heard what he has to say, you know, and, and I don't want to hear it anymore. I'm tired. Shit.

I gotta go to work. My 12 and 12 tells me that I'll hide bad motives behind good intentions. I'm furthering my life. I'm moving on. I read a book.

I'm different. I'm floating above my fellows precariously as I'm improving my education. And the next thing you know, I don't even it's like, how long have you been sober? I don't even keep track anymore. I am not of this Earth.

I'm spiritual. Why are you looking at me like, you know, this sorta and and I and I and it's funny, but I've had friends do that. I've had friends do that. We'd be up all night talking about the traditions and what we're gonna do with the meeting, you know, how we're gonna help this new guy. And then a week and a half later, they're on the phone saying, do you really have to go to that many meetings?

And this is a meeting that you helped me start. You helped me start the goddamn meeting, and now you don't even really feel the need for it. That's how weird this alcoholism is, man. So I'm I'm I'm I'm still a little I'm still a little uncomfortable with with being an alcoholic. You know, I'm safe in a lot of ways.

And so I call my friends and I ask them and I tell them, are you with me? Are you helping me? Do you remember? You know? Because You know?

Because something could happen. You know? You never know, man. I mean, a lot more people, more spiritual than me, ahead of me on the 9th step were drunk. They go get loaded.

So I guess the hope for me is, like, not just figuring out why people go out or why I haven't gone out or are we gonna all go get drunk? Hey, bring in the beer, Charlie. You know, instead of doing all of that, what I like to do, man, is try to find that newcomer that doesn't really understand what the fuck is going on around here. The tricky ones are the ones who've been here, think they understand, and left and came back. But I'm telling them because every once in a while, you get an anomaly around here, and there is a new guy or gal that comes in that they've never been to AA before.

They've never tried it. They don't know what it's like, man. And I love trying to find those those kind of newcomers. Because you don't have to deal with so much ego in regards to the fact that they may or may not know something about AA. I like starting from scratch.

You know? And, and what happens with those new people is they really, you know, they really see the life, you know, because they've never been here before. And it's like, there's something you know, it's like when you smoke the same weed all week, and then you build up a tolerance for it. You gotta get some stronger shit because that shit starts feeling like bunk. You know, that's the kind of things I see with people that run-in and out of here a lot.

The things that captivated me in 1991, just people just get a limp. You know, they don't even worry about It's like, oh, man. I heard that shit before, man. Okay. What what new shit do you got?

And I'm here to share that in this book, they claim that, there's a lot of shit that they won't change. If you knew and you keep running in and out of here waiting for us to change something for you. If this got anything to do with the first 164 pages of this book, like you not drinking again, they're not gonna change it. They're warning us. They done made full editions of this fucker, and they are not changing that shit for you.

So you're probably gonna have to make some changes toward it. One thing, I'll read it, and then I'll shut up. So I know everybody's eager to get out there and go help these newcomers. Right? Be in a hurry to get out of the meeting.

I'm on my way to Iraq. Hurry up. Go to the meeting. And in the big book and these personal stories, they used to talk to each other for hours. They wouldn't be able to stay sober nowadays.

We'd be in a hurry, boy. Shit. Man, I've had 9 energy drinks. You think I'm gonna sit here and listen to your ad? You know?

And and and and and and and they would talk all the way up until the night. By the time Bill and them got talked got got done talking to you, you'd be too damn sleepy to go get drunk. We talked for 5, 6, 7 hours. You know, but now we gotta get it done in 3 to 5 minutes or somebody's gonna kill our ass. We gotta go build our lives and be productive members of we're gonna live life on life's terms.

There's a scary one. That's how all this bullshit got started for me, going out there and doing life the way I thought they wanted me to do it. I had no idea that it would be safer to live life based on spiritual principles, like the book tells me. And I think clinically, they they've sort of put that little spirit in it. Not only can you be altruistic, but you could be all about taking care of yourself too.

And I just think that's a bunch of horseshit. You know, I'm committed because you guys are. I have found people that are committed because I am, and we it goes back and forth. It's a two way street. That's why we don't have no president around here.

We feed off of each other. Of myself, I am nothing. My father doeth the works. It it don't mean a lot to a lot of people. It don't mean a lot to a lot of people.

People who fell on the dry date, Their lives have changed, and they fell in love with somebody. They got the money all saved up, and all they want us to do is to leave them the hell alone so they can enjoy their sobriety. And that's not the program of recovery that's outlined in this book. So that is not AA. Getting it together for yourself so you can be by yourself to yourself is not AA.

So, anyway I don't know why. Boy, that really frustrated me, didn't it? This is the little part right here that I love so much, and I read it a lot because I get discouraged. You know? I don't have a lot of friends with 16 years sober that I came in with.

They got too many years, and they forgot about the days they were in when they got here. They get, well. I've looked up the word well in the dictionary, and I don't see my little black face next to none of the definitions. Wow. A little picture of me.

Done. You know? Page 15 in the big book says, if we we commence to make many fast friends you get friends real fast around here. You know? There's people in this meeting right here tonight that know more about me than my own mother.

K. So we get these fast friends and the fellowship has grown up amongst us. There's a lot of people that we go around at the meetings when people hate us. You guys are taking all the seats instead of look at all these people that are not dying anymore. It says that they grow up amongst us in in which is supposed to be a wonderful thing to feel apart.

The joy of living, we really have even under pressure and difficulty. I have seen hundreds of families set their feet in a path that really goes somewhere, have seen the most impossible domestic situations ripen, feuds and bitterness of all sorts wiped out. I have seen men come out of the silence. You know. Now the way asylum is described in this book it's kinda like where I got sober in a rehabilitation center with doors that close really tight and shit.

We come out of there. We don't remain institutionalized, people who are doing AA. Come out of those institutions or those asylums, and what they do is they resume a vital place in the lives of their families and communities. Business and professional men have regained their standing. There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has is not been overcome amongst us.

And that's why people don't like AAX. Right there. Because every writing these bad checks at my damn job? Writing these bad checks at my damn job? I don't know 3 bad checks.

They're gonna fire me, man. I have told you the truth now. I'm no longer hiding the secret. I have let it out to you. And the only thing that you gotta ask me about is what happened to that guy you were reading with?

Where did he go? And I didn't understand why he would do that to me like that. I'm important. I am bringing this issue to you. I am stealing from my job.

Will you please help me with something more than the importance of a newcomer? Why are the new people so important? I figured it out. I like movies. I think newcomers are important because God hid the solution in the problem.