How It Works Group's 10th Anniversary in Plymouth, UK

And and now Nick's call is here for us. My name is Nick, and I'm an ADIF. Hi, Nick. Hi, Nick. Yeah.

Well, a privilege to be staying up, you know, on a 10th year anniversary of CA, you know, in a place where I recovered and I've got this amazing life, you know. And, the reason I'm sharing tonight is to share my experience, strength and hope in a new person, a person who is struggling with life, you know. And, that's what happened to me. You know, when I came into this meeting, I was clean, sober, but I was in bits, in total bits. I couldn't do life at all, you know, and, and I needed help.

You know, I shared a bit about what my my using was like, you know. I, go back to when I was a kid, I was highly sensitive person. I was really shy. I used to blush a lot, you know, and I and I found being on people hard. I always had a front bravado, you know.

And, you know, the same with drugs, you know, and drink. It helped me fit in a bit more, you know. But when I did drink and use drugs, I seem to be this Jacqueline Hyde which she says in the book, you know, I did. Definitely did disgusting even dangerously anti social things, you know, from a young age. You know, and then my my using got worse, you know, and I can remember having a decent job, 18, 19 years old, had a nice car, lovely clothes.

I lived to my mom on the outside. I I on the outside, I looked okay. You know, people looking at me for he's doing well. But on the inside, I was in pieces, you know. I just go to work in this decent job with normal people, and struggle like mad.

I just couldn't do people at all, you know. Every time people said things, I was highly sensitive. I used to walk with resentments constantly thinking, why did he say that? She say this, he say that. You know, my head would race out of control, you know, all the time, and, I just couldn't get on with people so I'd stick my head into my work and that's all I would do, you know, and I'd get home and I'd I'd drink I'd use drink and drugs to sleep in the night because I couldn't sleep because my head would race so much.

You know, and that's my story, you know, and this is a progressive illness and that's what happened, you know. I I started getting into heavier drugs, you know, and and it wasn't long my family couldn't deal with me no more. My family done the right thing. They set out, you know. And then I still got this decent job.

I am gonna car now. I'm starting to get a bit worse and worse away, you know, and, I'm living in this homeless shelter now, and I'm going to work in this decent job coming from the homeless shelter with this old scraggy jumper on with all food down the front and trying to keep it together, you know, but I couldn't. I couldn't keep it together, you know. I'm trying to hold this job down, put on front some bravado, browsing pieces all the time going to work, you know. And in the end, the job give me, you know, I was on the sick for 3 years, and my job said, look, you've got a choice.

You know, get off all the medication you're on, get off all the drugs, and come back to work, or we're gonna have to let you go, you know. And I I I said, yeah. You know? But in the back of my mind, I I didn't know how I was gonna do it. You know what I mean?

And, and unfortunately, I'm afraid that I ended up in jail instead, you know, and that was my journey, you know, and then, I left jail. I said to my family after promises on visits that I will never ever go back to that again. I promise you when I come out, I will settle down. I'll sort my head out. I'll get another job.

You watch, I'll sort myself out. The day I was released, I was on the floor. You know? Someone found me in the middle of the road. They took me on to my parents after somehow getting the address out of my mouth, and my family carried me back into the home.

You know? And this happened again and again and again and again. You know? You know what? I went into treatment again.

You know? I thought, yeah, we got me in treatment. I'll sort myself out. You know, I could turn the rocking music in the background as I'm on the train going down it thinking, I see. I'm gonna sort my act out now.

I'm gonna get well. And you know what I mean? And again, you know, I I go upstairs hiding cans under my bed in this treatment center, you know, and then after they caught me, they throw me out, and I think, why? I blame other people. Always good for blaming other people, you know.

And, again, that happened again and again and again. You know, and, when I came to Plymouth, I was hammered hammered by all this stuff. This cycle, you know, just kept going round and round and round, and I couldn't see no way off. You know, by then, I didn't believe in treatment centers, I didn't believe in meetings either because I went to meetings and just felt so self centered. I sit there for hour and a half just thinking, oh, did I say my name is Nick and I'm an addict.

Right? And then I'd analyze it for days, you know, I'd go into a meeting, I'd analyze the days before going to a meeting and analyze for days out of a meeting, you know. And that's what it was like. I can remember being in a treatment center and saying to the counselor, when the counselor said, look, indeed to go to meetings, that's how you're gonna get well and saying, but I hate people. You put me into a room full of people, and I hate people.

And it was all fear. It was all fear, you know. And, as I say, I came to Plymouth and and I got to that jumping off place, but I thought I don't need meetings. I'll do it on my own, You know? And, as the days turned into months, my thinking got worse and worse and worse.

I couldn't be around people. I can remember being sat in my halfway house in Plymouth, and, I'd have a TV on, I'd have the radio on, and my head would be racing out of control, analyzing what happened that day. He said this, she said that. Why did he say that? Why did she say this?

I mean, these people I've never met some of them, and I'm sat here for days analyzing things they've done. You know? And and that's what it was like. My head wouldn't stop racing. I tried to sleep in the night.

If I was lucky, I'd get 2 hours sleep, and then I wake up and my head will start straight away as soon as my eyes opens. You know what I mean? I still looked ill. I was thinking so much. I looked ill.

You know, I'd been clean and sober a few months by then, and I looked ill. You know? And And then I came into this meeting where I hear the solution, you know, which I know as death from way today. I was blown away by this. You know, I wanted what you people was talking about, and I and I and I was gonna get it.

I mean, finally, I can recover. You know, people weren't talking about just the obsession, the drink and drugs being lifted, you know, but we're also talking about living a normal life like the other half live, and I wanted it. You know what I mean? You know, I wanted to be happy, joyous, and free, you know. And and I started going through the steps, you know, and, you know, I got set free, and I found the higher power, you know, and, of my own conception.

You know, I didn't struggle. I was battered. You know, I I used to think believing in God was uncool. I was far from cool. Far from cool in the end of my years.

And I mean, I was a bum. I was a loser. I had nothing. And that's what my journey was, you know, at my own conception. You know, I got to step 4, and, I feel the work in.

I wanted to get to step 5 because people said when you get to step 5, you'll be buzzing. They will lift all that anger, all that rubbish will hold you down, and you will be buzzing, you know. And I can remember doing my step 5 with my sponsor, and, I know I was really ill at the time. I had the flu, and I had just colds, and I can never reading all this stuff out, not thinking nothing of it. But within a day, the cold is gone, and I'm walking down the street and I'm bopping.

I mean, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I'm floating down the street thinking this is what these people are talking about. I am buzzing. I want more of this, you know. And, 6 and 7, I handed all this over to my higher power, and then I got to 8, and I thought, no, more writing again, more writing again, you know. AA.

It was a a level AA, you know? And but I wanted to get to step 9 because, again, people were talking about step 9, and I've done I've got cracking on my step 8, and I got to step 9. I went on to make amends to my family, and what an amazing step. I changed then. Do you mean my whole perspective changed on life?

You know, I wanted I thought that I was more. I cared about a new camera. You know? And making amends, what I wanna finish on? I made amends to my family, and and my my parents accepted my amends.

My brother, he didn't really say, he just laughed. He thought it was quite odd, you know. But a year and a half later, he came to my wedding and said, you know what, brother? I'm proud of you. He said, the next time I see you in the church, I thought it'd be at your funeral.

And to see you today, married, and doing what you're doing, I am proud of you, brother. And I didn't think I would ever happen, you know. And this is thanks to CA. Thanks to CA. I'm married today, which is another miracle.

You know, I'm married. I got a job, which is another miracle. Do you know what I mean? And I'm living happy, joyous, and free. I've got a solution every day, and life keeps getting better.

You know? And I and and I love CA. And I anyone sat here now who ain't on the steps or got a sponsor. You know, I can guarantee you, you get a sponsor. You know, you start doing what I have done.

I can promise you, you'll have a life beyond your wellness dreams like myself. Thanks.