Steps 10 and 11 at the Fellowship of the Spirit in Dublin, Ireland

Kirk will be live and sober and part of our talks anonymous. I, my behavior this morning resemble the real alcoholic. The alarm clock went off with their wake up call went off at 5 AM, and I got up ready to take on the day. And then I said, well, it's kinda early, 5 more minutes, and I can catch a few more minutes of sleep. And then Myers woke me up at 10 to 8.

And I hadn't packed. I hadn't done anything yet. So, playing catch up this morning. I'm glad most of you guys, have shown up this morning. I I do a lot of these deals and, sometimes on a Sunday morning, you get half the group left and the other group don't like you anymore and they take off.

So, thanks for being here. And, I just want, again, thank all you guys, for this weekend. Myers and I had a blast being here and sharing with you guys and and and and meeting, a whole bunch of you. And, we were out at dinner last night, and, we had real real neat time. So I thank you for this opportunity to visit with you guys and and share a little bit about, being on this path and and getting free of what we perhaps, have been.

The neat thing about these deals is when we get to meet, and we share this message in common, like minded folks. It kind of kicks around a lot of new ways. Last night, we were talking about some books that a lot of us have in common, that are reading different experiences with these books, and how to enhance this experience, how to go to a new level, a deeper level with prayer meditation, because we find out afterwards about growing up spiritual spiritually. Emotional sobriety. We've gone through the work.

Where do we go from here? And so we talked about some of those things. And when we meet like this, we're able to do things like that. Not just going through the mechanics of the 12 steps. We can put on a whole bunch of tapes of a 1000000 different speakers who can do mechanics.

But when we talk about mechanics and experience with the mechanics, great things start to happen. That's why yesterday, I was kinda leaning towards talking a lot more about experience with the 9th step than just reading you out of the book. I mean, anyone can read to the book. So, I'm gonna talk a little bit about 1011, and and Myers is gonna, flush some of that out and take us home with step 12. And, if we go over to page 84 for a minute and, talk about step 10, In the middle of page 84, it says, this thought brings us to step 10.

And the thought they're talking about is what reads right up above it. That these promises, they will always materialize if we work for them. And on that thought, it brings us to step 10. And the neat thing about step 10 is we can begin work in step 10, enter the world with spirit as we're cleaning up the wreckage of our past. As we're actively making amends, and we move into step 10 and 11.

The thing is, once I'm working with the disciplines in the 10 and 11, it doesn't give me permission now not to complete my amends. And just thought of something, Julia brought something up yesterday, and I just wanna be really clear. I often talk about completing our amends. If we how to being had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, where am I with amends? Have I cleaned up my amends that I'm aware of?

But it's that I'm consciously aware of. Now, there were gonna be a lot of amends that may show up that I'm not aware of just yet, and that's okay. The other thing is, I have a list of amends in front of me. Am I willing to go to all of those people? And have I searched out, in trying to find them?

And if I'm willing, and I've searched out, and cannot find them, or perhaps, cannot make that amends because I can't locate them, it doesn't mean that we haven't completed amends. With me? There were some people on my list I could not locate for years. One gentleman, I was in my, I don't know, 3rd or 4th treatment center, and I was able to make amends with him about a year or 2 ago. I searched and searched and searched and searched.

And through a business appointment, I ran into this guy. But I was always willing to do that. And that's the key thing in my willingness. No. And if we're willing, but we just can't locate them, we move on.

Don't let that hold us in a place of not moving on. Makes sense? It says, we suggest, this stuff brings us to step 10, which suggest we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we clean up the past. Back early in the book, it talks about manner of living here.

It talks about way of living, and they used the word vigorously commenced. Our book uses a lot of words, that which imply action, especially here. They use words like vigorously commenced, next, at once, turn, words watch. We we see a lot of these words that imply that we keep moving. Because we've entered the world with a spirit and step 10, it doesn't mean I get free room and board.

It's about growing and understanding and effectiveness. And the question I asked myself was, what am I doing to grow in understanding and effectiveness? And page 84 into 85 is a tremendous amount of spiritual information, just a page and a half, about some really neat promises, and some of them really contradict the contemporary middle of the road meetings, like on the top of page 85. But it says, we vigorously commences way of living as we clean up the past. I've entered the world of the spirit.

What's it like living in the world of the spirit? How does that feel? Make that a topic at the next meeting you go to. Tonight's topic is, what it's like living in the world with a spirit. That's what you'll hear.

Hear it? You want a what? Seriously, can I talk about, from a place of experience, what it's like living in a world of the spirit? It says my next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter.

It should continue for my lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, I ask God at once to remove them. I discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if I harm anyone. Sounds like a little condensed step of 4 through 9.

Right? Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and talents of others is our code. Some folks don't write throughout the day if they have an opportunity to write. And that's okay.

Some of us will use step 10 to, like, a spot check inventory during the day and put pen to paper. That's what I do as I go through my day. If something's going on within me, whether it be fear or resentment, the mind starts to project into the future and it causes this ease and discomfort. Instead of waiting till 11 o'clock or 10 o'clock or or 9 o'clock at night to do a nightly review and put pen to paper, I nail that right there. If it's 9 o'clock in the morning and I have a resentment about something over 9 o'clock in the morning and I'm fearful about something that's gonna happen later on, and I have an opportunity to put pen to paper, I'll write out 4 column inventory and answer the questions.

Right out of fear inventory. Right out of resentment inventory. And the neat thing is, I have a couple of guys 3 guys I work with with this word immediately. It says, we discuss it with someone immediately. We have an immediately group.

And that's when I have a resentment. I turn. First thing it says is turn. Turn to God with prayer. Get still.

Write a little inventory. It's still you know that resentment that just is kind of like Velcro. It's just kind of hanging around. Or those relatives that you don't want around, but they keep showing up. It's just hanging around.

We got a couple of immediately guys we talk to. And we call each other when we have one of those resentments. And we work with the word immediately. And more often than not, once I speak to someone about what's what's troubling me that day or vice versa, usually, another another person who's on this path can can kind of cut through the forest and have someone see clear on that. It's happened to me many times.

So there's 3 guys that I work with, and we have this little triangle that we work with with the word immediately. It's a pretty neat little tool to work with. Makes us very accountable to each other also. It says on the bottom of page 84, I've ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. Well, how does that look in my current life?

Currently, who am I fighting? The internal dialogue, not necessarily arguing with people, but what's the internal dialogue look like? I I was reading a book, and and the question, the student asked the master, he says, how do you know when you're enlightened? And he answered it in a way that was pretty simple. He says, when I have no internal dialogue, I know I'm at one with with with his god.

What's the internal dialogue look like? It's kinda like, you you get up in the morning and you're driving in your car and you're on your way to work and you have about 6 people in the car with you. They're all in here. There's no one else in the car, but we have all these people going on. She said that, he said that.

I'll say this. And you notice when we're when we have a when we have a a thing going on or resentment, we're like remember Dirty Harry with Clint Eastwood? Like, we we're perfect. We have the best answers. We have the best we throw the best punches.

We win every fight. We win every I mean, I'm great up here. I am just fabulous. You know? It's kind of like, someone gives you a really nasty answer, and you give them a real good answer back on the inside.

On the outside, you say, oh, I'm sorry. It won't happen again. You know? That's like kinda like sums me up for years like that. Right?

So I I know my internal dialogue. It goes on. There's about 85 people in me, And we're all talking at once. And I'm great. I'm just unbelievable.

You know? But when we're doing this, I fall right on my butt. So I've gotten to learn how to live. See, leaving the drink question aside, how do I live? How do I be?

Because I need to and I get to interact with other folks. We have relationships. We go to work. There's people there. Go down to the grocery store.

There's pea How do I interact with all these folks? Well, I have found it starts with how am I doing with me when no one's around and I'm sitting on the couch all alone? How am I doing? How am I doing I'm in the car and no one's in the car? How am I doing?

How am I doing with me and my God that's personal to me? It starts from there. And the disciplines I get to work with. And once I'm walking I was just sharing this with a prospect the other day. When we get to a place of being filled with the spirit of God or the spirit of love, there is no room for character assassination.

There is no room for judgment and critiquing someone. There is no room for anything opposite of love. It's just love. And we're able to accept people for who and what they are when they come at us with some words that maybe are not too kind or behavior that's that's not very proper, I don't need to take any of that stuff personally anymore. Even when it's directed right at me, I don't take it personally anymore because I get a shift in me that allows me to see them differently.

Well, perhaps they're driven by fear. Perhaps they're not spiritually fit. Perhaps they're going on their belief systems. A whole lot of things could be going on with them. How often have I vented out at someone and it had nothing to do with them?

They happen to be in the line of fire at that moment. Bless you. So I get to wake up instead of being sound asleep. I get to wake up and I get to hear what God's ears and see what God's eyes and then thought were indeed comes from God. It's a huge difference, a huge shift that goes on, which is some very simple spiritual disciplines.

And so, I get to wake up. And goes on with just some very simple spiritual disciplines. It says, for by this time, sanity will have returned. Now, back in step 2, we were talking about, came to believe that Power Grader myself could restore us to sanity, and I also said that it reads can, has, and will, and the contract has been delivered in step 10. Sanity has returned, which means I have wholeness of mind.

And the insanity for me as an alcoholic is thinking I could pick up a drink, and it'll be okay this time. And we repeat that over and over and over again. Now my my book tells me sanity has been returned. The contract's been delivered. And the results of that are what follow.

We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, I recoil from it as from a hot flame. I react sanely and normally, and I find that this has happened automatically. So I don't have to think the dream through. You see that that nonsense we hear, think the dream through, my book says this stuff happens automatically.

I don't have to worry about thinking. You know, my thinking mind will always take me back to that which is killing me unless it's cleared of wrong motives. But my book eliminates all of that and says this is gonna happen automatically because now spirit is moving me. It says, I will see that we will see that a new attitude towards liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes.

This is the miracle of it. I'm not fighting it, neither am I avoiding temptation. I feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. I have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed.

It does not exist for us. I think it's safe to say at this point, my book is telling me I've gotten recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. It's been removed from the equation. I'm not thinking about a drink. I don't have drink issues, drink signals, nothing.

I can be around drinking, places where drinking is served. I don't have to walk around. Can't go by people, places, and things. I can't go, oh, there's a bar down the block. I gotta go around the block to get home.

You know, that it's been removed. The condition or the hook is if I'm spiritually fit. Well, if I'm growing in understanding and effectiveness and I'm working with these disciplines, then I can experience these promises. And I can do that 12 step call when when Joe is drunk and and, you know, sucking on a pint of vodka. I can go into a detox and see people medicated and falling asleep right in front of me from the medication and be unaffected by that, but just concerned for their well-being.

There's a huge difference between the 2. So I go through my day. And, I work with some words that my sponsors show me. Words like turn, turn in in order to go out, turn into this power or I will go without. Turn.

Turn to this power. This this this dialogue, this conversation with God through the day. Wherever I go, I go with God. Wherever God goes, I go with him. It's oneness.

Turn, watch, aware, observe. These things get me unhooked from the drama that's going on around me, judgments of what's going on around me, unhooked from criticizing what's going on around me, trying to interpret what's going on around me, but brings me to a place of just being present. But brings me to a place of just being present. I have to figure stuff out. I have to interpret who's thinking what.

Judging these people from those people, just that's where I am and so be it. One of the greatest lessons I've learned, I've gotten to experiences about this thinking mind. I mean, our book is really, really, clear when it says the main profit centers in the mind, not the body. Well, it's not only alcohol, it's every area of my life. What's my thinking mind look like?

What's my thought life look like? Back to sitting on the couch or driving in a car, that internal dialogue, all those people that we got in sitting in the car, it's all coming from a thinking mind. And what most of us do, if you're like me, is get hooked right into it. Wood put it's the funniest thing. You're driving in the car, and your your your lips moving.

You're talking. You're talking to all those people in the head. Right? It's the same thing if, like, in New York, we have, like, our our Bowery. And and and uptown, you got these these homeless people, but they're they're full blown alcohols, and they have some emotional challenges.

And they walk around the street with, you know, torn clothes talking to themselves, having conversations with themselves, hollering at the air. What do you mean? You know, that this stuff's going on. And most people go, oh my God, they're crazy. If we stop for a minute, we're doing the same thing, just no one sees us.

What do you mean she said this? You didn't say that. I'm driving in the car. Well, when I get there, I'm gonna tell her something. You shouldn't say that.

Oh, I am too. There's no one here. Right? Right? Or those of us in relationships, we sometimes have our little spats.

Right? Now, I don't know about you guys, but I was brought up when she annoys you, get your stuff and walk out the door Because I'm a man. Then you get out the door and you go, now where am I going? Right? And then she says, go ahead.

Leave. And when she leaves, she goes, why is he leaving for it's this it's it's so silly. The whole thing, the whole argument is ridiculous. Right? And the roles we get to play.

But you get really angry and you start to have this dialogue, this continuation of the argument with her. But but you're down the road about 10 miles from the house. Right? There's no one in the car. And so we we're really like these people we see walking in the street.

They're more real than us because they don't care who's listening. They're just, you know so to think about. So we get to we get to watch to thinker. Instead of getting hooked into the drama, step 11 talks about pause, watch to thinker. I need a job.

I need a job. I gotta get a job. Call the sponsor. I can't find a job. I gotta get a job.

You go through the ads and you finally send out your resume and they call you, hey. Can you come in for an interview? Oh, no. I got an interview. You get in dialogue.

So, oh, no. I'm not gonna do this interview. First, we complain about a job. We all this dialogue. Now, we got an interview for a job and then more dialogue.

And then when they say, you're hired, you go home. Oh, no. I got a job. What am I gonna do now? Right?

Participate in it. And the fear starts to pull us, and the resentment starts to pull us, the doubt, the skepticism, the all of it starts to move. And we get pulled in a 1000000 different directions. Then we get to the home group, and someone says, how are you doing? And we say, I'm tired.

I'm exhausted. I've been trying to fix everything and change everything the whole night. Right? If I get to get unhooked from that and not identified with that thinking mind See, we think we are our thinking. We think we are the roles the mind's giving us, and we get identified with that.

We get identified with external conditions being who I be, and it's a lie. So if I can just pause and get unhooked from that thinking mind for a moment, oh, there goes my mind again. Let's watch the show. See, once I do that, I'm no longer a part of it. It's kinda like if you're driving in your car, you get all this dialogue going on.

And then you get to that point where you go, what was that about? You know, when you feel like, wait a minute. I'm in the car. I'm going to work. This is all fantasy land.

That's when we're back present again. That's when we're back. If we're ever tending to little children, and we're taking care of their needs. Watch women, they're great with this. They just know how to take care of little children.

They're very much into what they're doing. They're nowhere else but with that child. Very present. Some of us are good with gardening. And when we're gardening or some of us are painting, there's nothing else going on.

We're very present to that, what we're doing. There's no before later on. It's just it's just there. Can we walk with that feeling of presence, this walking meditation almost, in all our affairs? And that doesn't mean I can't react and interact with other people, I should say, and be very present.

I'm not I'm just not caught up into drama and thinking mind. And it starts with me first identifying, oh, there goes my thinking mind. It really comes down to looking at my illness in neon lights. So there it goes again. If you wanna see your illness, pay attention to some of the thought life we have, and the nonsense it feeds us.

And if you're anything like me, I would do this. Well, my mind said it must be true, so let's go. The most off the wall things, the most insane thinking, I would say, well, that makes sense. Let's go. Because I thought of it.

And I'm God inspired all the time. Right? Watch the thinker get unhooked from it. And we get to find out as we work with this. The sense of who I am, the experience of who I be, is not from a thinking mind.

It's from beyond thought. It comes from in here. It comes from God. And when we get to experience it, we get to walk with that. I do the spot check inventories throughout the day.

There was a time where I would be, attached. I got attached to the writing and the mechanics. Can't talk. I'm writing inventory. Can't talk.

I'm writing inventory. And I saw that that was an attachment getting, you know, worshiping the mechanics rather than the power that was keeping me sober. But what I've gotten to, I've gotten to a place now where I do the spot check inventories when I have an opportunity throughout the day. What came to me one time is some of what this inventory reveals, whether it's nightly review or doing a spot check inventory during a day. If we want to see how angry we were, we experience love.

When I'm experiencing love, I get to realize how angry I had been. I get to see how sad I was when I get to experience some joy. I get to see how greedy I was when I get to feel an okayness with what God gives me and give it away in abundance. I get to see opposites as how I was living by just simply writing inventory. And it has nothing to do with people out there who were harming me.

It had to do with everything within me that was causing me pain and suffering. Wanna see how much noise we're attached to? Not only the noise out there. I've heard a few couple of questions. I'm trying to meditate.

There's a lot of stuff going on around me. What am I doing wrong? Right? Not only the noise out there, but the noise, the internal dialogue, the noise in the head, get to experience a little bit of silence. Retreating to a quiet place where no one has to know we're praying.

You know, we have some of us who we want everyone to know we pray to meditate it. Do it in quiet. Go to that place of quiet and pray and meditate. And once we get some of the sounds, we'll realize how much noise we were attached to, the noise out there and the noise in the head. How crushing it really is.

And how we are really never present till we get to experience some silence. I get to do that by writing some inventory during the day and working with prayer and meditation, And growing up spiritually. Just to note on growing up spiritually. There's a lot of disciplines we can work with. A lot of books we can read, being quick to see where religious people are right, making use of what they offer, and reading inspirational books.

And then there comes some responsibility within me about living, this path, living on this path. And I've heard lots of people, you know, give talks on the podium about God and spirituality and all this other stuff. And they haven't gone to a doctor in 10 years. And they're maybe a £100 overweight, and haven't gone to a dentist in God knows how long, and haven't gotten a check up and a physical. You know?

How's that looking? Haven't done any exercise in 20 years, but they're talking about the glory of God and all this great stuff. Well, how about the body God gave you? How about taking care of that? You know, I heard some some celebrities say, my god, open up an envelope in the morning.

Do something. You know? What am I doing about the body I walk around in? What kind of condition is that in? And also found out that I'm able to go and see professionals.

And I've sat with professionals outside of AA to help me put some of the pieces back together and get me allow me to see things even clearer sitting with professionals. They are they are out there. And I always encourage people to do that also. Along with this stuff, not instead of. I've entered a world of the spirit and great things start to happen.

It says it's easy to let up on a spiritual program of action rest on my laurels. I'm headed for trouble if I do. For alcohol is a subtle foe. And I had to look up the word subtle and I had to look up the word foe, because I didn't know what they meant. And subtle was a sly, clever, devious, difficult to detect.

And foe was my personal enemy, and it made sense. So I can rest on my accomplishments of an hour ago, or last week resting on my laurels. Oh, I did a good job here, or this came out good. And I can kick back and say, well, I'm good to go now. I don't have to do any more work, and my book is really clear.

I'm headed for trouble if I do. Because alcoholism doesn't care how long I'm sober or any kind of neat things that I've done in the last 19 years. It really doesn't care. It'll lay and wait. What I I have is a a a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.

Every day is a day I must carry the vision of god's will into all my activities. How can I best serve you, god? Your will, not mine, be done. And these are thought which must go with me constantly, not when it's convenient. And what has happened to me came to me rather than from me is in meditation.

I get something that I've been working with for a long time, and God has raised the bar for me. And it's something from the Oxford group, and it's purity, honesty, unselfishness, and love. That's how I try to carry the vision of God's will to own activities with those 4 4, principles. And I you know, God said, okay. We're here.

We're gonna raise the bar on you now. And I fall short with that stuff. But that's what I turn to God for each day for the power to practice purity, honesty, unselfishness, and love. And it has allowed me to become incredibly aware of what I'm doing. Now, is this what God want me to do right now?

My thinking mind says go here and spirit says move this way. Who am I going to listen to? Step 11, suggest prayer meditation. Step 11, suggest prayer meditation. We shouldn't be shy in this matter of prayer.

Better men and women have been using it. Well, after I've I've entered the world of the spirit, what am I gonna do about that? My book talks about, you know, getting this the the flow of God's spirit into me, and then I let it go to you and to me and to you. And now I need to continue this practice in this true prayer meditation. And, I will tell you currently where I'm at with this stuff.

I'm working with this one book in the morning. It's it's it's it's like reading a journal, someone's journal. And I start off my day with that. And, I do a prayer practice and I do a meditation practice. But literally, upon awakening, and this just came to me when I was counting days, eyes open and I realized I wasn't hating the day anymore.

That I was just grateful to be alive and sober and start my day off with an opportunity. And I remember thanking God that one particular day. That has stayed with me and still currently with me. Literally on awakening, I thank God for the day. And I make some conversation with God, and then I go do my practice.

And it starts with the reading of this book. It's a couple of pages, and then I'm done. And then I kneel, and I work with some prayers. And for me, kneeling was as a student ought to be to his teacher. Or I ought to be to my heavenly father.

To me, that's a and that's I speak for myself here. Because I don't think if you if you have to sit and pray, you know, stand on a moving car and pray, God doesn't really care about that. What's my intent going into the prayer? So I have a I have a place. And I would encourage you to do is have a place, a place, a special place where you do your practice.

There's actually, you can feel an energy there. There's just something sacred about that. And I have a place. And I've prayed and meditated in every room in my house. I've done it whenever I move.

I prayed and meditated in every room. And then I have my place. And I work with prayers like the 3rd 3rd step prayer, 7 step prayer. I work with our Lord's prayer. There's a couple of things I incorporate into that.

And, when I'm done with my prayer, I work with meditation. What I've been currently doing, and when I say currently, one of these things has been with me a few years is middle of the day, unless I'm doing something like this, I do in the morning, is a religious practice I work with with the meditation. And I've had some life changing experiences with that. Once I'm done with my prayer meditation and I give it attention, I give God this attention and worship as he deserves. And I'm a student showing up to the teacher, a child showing up to his heavenly father for direction and courage and strength, and off I go.

And I go do what God has me doing, whether it's going to work or doing things around the house, whatever it may be, going to a ballgame, whatever it is, I go with God. And as, I wrap up my day and my book talks about retiring at night, I used to think retiring at night meant just when I was about to get into bed, you know. But it's when I'm in for the night, and some nights I'm in at 7 PM, and I'm done. And what I do is a nightly review. And I answer some questions in a big book.

It's just a 4 column inventory. You can answer the questions on, perhaps, where I fell short. And our book talks about inquiring what corrective measures should be taken. The vision to carry into the next moment, the next day. Get sound, and I'm done.

I'm working with some books right now that I've been reading. And, my meditation practice along with that, as I used to get attached to the amount of time I was in meditation. Well, I meditate for 45 minutes, so, you know, I should do a workshop now. And I don't get attached to that. God will determine that.

But on the average, I sit in meditation for about a half hour in the morning, about 20 minutes at night. And this religious practice I work with, that that just varies. Sometimes I sit there a while. Sometimes it's just a few minutes after this prayer that I go through. With my 11th step, there's a doing and a being.

How do I be as I go throughout my day? Because it says, on awakening, we we consider our plans for the day. We think about the 24 hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before I begin, I ask god to direct my thinking, asking especially asking that it be divorced from self pity, dishonest, and self seeking motives.

So I turn to God, and there's the doing of the day. Going to work, meeting friends, whatever it may you know, getting into a meeting that night to doing the action we take. But how do I be in all those affairs? The other night, we talked about duality. How do I be in all those affairs?

I also shared about having, the greatest spiritual teachers I have found in the meetings of alcoholics and honors, but I have sought out many. I've been quick to see where religious people are right, and I made use of what they offer. And I've read, I work with a lot of inspirational books, not for knowledge, but to have an experience, and to sit and reflect and contemplate on the books that I'm reading, the information I'm getting. I've had tremendous experiences with prayer meditation. You know, wondering when my mom died, wondering where she was, and God, I realized, hears my heart.

When it weeps and when it's full of joy and gives me answers. And it came through the practice of meditation, where answers were given to me. And it was a huge shift for me when these things happen in a meditation, profound experiences knowing that I am known by the creator. So I would wonder, well, I'm praying to this power, but does he really know me? Does he does he hear my heart?

And then we get these things delivered to us at a certain time, not in my time, but in my God's time, get things delivered to us. And when we come back and say, I am known by the creator. That's life changing. A book talks about sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly with regards to the spiritual experience. But as we wake up, some of us get it quickly, Some of us get it slowly.

Let's talk about the educational variety or the profound experience Bill Wilson had. But when God shows up, God shows up. And when it's quickly or slowly, when God shows up, you know it. And whether you're driving in a car sitting sitting on the couch or working with a newcomer or even the grocery store, taking a walk in the field, wherever it may be, when God shows up, it's electrifying. It's life transforming.

It's revolutionizing. And you know it because there's something new going on that we never experienced before. It's called blissful. And we can't even explain that adequately. You just know something is changed.

And when God shows up, God shows up. It happened to me in 6 and 7. It happened to me after making an amends to a landlord. I shared with you guys yesterday in step 9. It's happened to me a few times with this practice of prayer and meditation.

Rocket it. Our book used the word rocketed. Something is new. All roots now grasp new soil. And when we try to explain that to someone else, it's inadequate.

It doesn't do a good job. Because how can we explain God? We can try. Talk about prayer in a lot of our AA meetings. Back home anyway.

And we have these different discussions when it comes to 11 step about prayer. And then when it comes to meditation, the input dwindles. There's not much. While prayer is talking, meditation is listening. With that, I'll pass.

Well, thanks thanks a lot. Appreciate it. Gave me a lot of information. How many of our meetings really we hear from a place of experience about the practice of meditation and experiences with meditation? Little or none, I'll lay off some here to Vegas.

The minority the minority of our fellowship is really working with prayer meditation and having experiences with prayer meditation. How does that look for me? Why settle for just coming to a meeting, giving some sound bites about something I read, and then going home, and not having a life of meditation? And if you don't have one this morning and you're waking up to that that, hey, I don't have a real neat prayer life and I don't have any kind of meditation life. Don't judge it.

Just wait realize, hey, I need to do more with that. How do I meditate? Be silent. How do I be silent? Meditate.

How do I meditate? Go silent. How do I go silent? Meditate. See, I would think for the longest time and this came to me one morning.

I would think for the longest time that I had to create I had to create a place of silence. I'm gonna get silent. I'm meditating. I need to block out all the noise out there. I need to really get in there.

And when I would pay attention to the passing fire truck or the dog barking, whatever it may be, I would try to fight that off because I need to get silent and meditate, and I would create more struggle in trying to be still. There would be more resistance and more dialogue going on in trying to get to this place of silence. And I realized one day, how can I create that which already exists? Silence is always always present. The bell is interrupting the silence.

My voice will interrupt the silence. Silence is always present. We, in our interactions, interrupt the silence. And before we show up, there's a spirit of nothingness. It's always there.

What my book really, and I shared this a few times, what my book, what my my all living in all three sides of the triangle, where this has all brought me to recently has been to silence. With all the cutting up and all the funny stuff we get to do and all the, you know, going out for dinner after a meeting and being with family and going to work, underneath all of that is a place called silence. It's still can I pay attention to that in all my affairs? Because if I can, there's a lot less bondage attached to me and I get really free as I go throughout my day. Listening to the silence between the words someone speaks and not having to worry about I gotta speak before they finish.

Asking me a question. I already got the answer for you. Just be still. Can I get into that place of silence? What my work has allowed me to do is get me to that place.

And suddenly, I'm able to hear differently now because I'm not worried about talking. And then when I'm not feeling well, I can tell someone I'm not feeling well. And not worried about the ego and the pride saying, well, they're gonna think less of me if I don't tell them I feel so good. I can I can communicate with someone and read read inventory to them because I'm coming from a place of signs where there's no dialogue telling me you better not say this, you better not share that, you better not do this? Place of of signs, I don't have to pay attention to all the belief systems that are just hammering me throughout the day.

How can I create that which already exists? So the silence is there. Couple of questions came to me yesterday about this practice of meditation, and, we talked about it over dinner last night. The first time I started working with meditation, a woman who's not a member of AA, but was working with this sort of practice of prayer and meditation for years, taught me. And she taught me about posture.

She taught me about breath. And she also put me on a timer for 2 minutes. Mind was all over the place. How long is this gonna take? The fire trucks going down the block.

That dog is barking. I gotta meet her for dinner later on. I gotta get to and this is, you know, meditation. A lot of work. 2 minutes was moved to 3 minutes and then to 5 minutes.

And I worked with that for a while. And and somewhere in, like, 7 or 8 minute time, I didn't need a timer anymore. And if you work with meditation, you know, there's almost a rhythm to it. There's something that moves us. Right?

And I was told about posture and the importance of breath. Bring everything back to breath. Breath. Work with breath. And if the mind is taking me to the if I'm meditating right now and I'm stopped.

Okay. Bring it back. And suddenly, it's there, and I'm here. I'm not a part of that. Always bring it back to breath.

Stuck same thing when you're stuck in a car and you want to get there. Okay. I'm here. Back to breath. Always back to breath.

Work with breath at the very beginning and posture. So many times, a lot of our groups back home will see folks that will at a meeting will do a 3 minute meditation before the meeting starts. And you look around the postures and people are sitting there like this. Right? Lakes crossed, doing a meditation like this, you know.