Step 12 at the Fellowship of the Spirit in Dublin, Ireland

My name is Myers Raymer. I'm an alcoholic. Morning y'all. I'm gonna miss you guys. I tell you, I I just it's sometimes doing this stuff, it's like, there are some conferences that you go to and you go in and you do your deal and you go back out again and it's just like I can't wait to get to the airport, You know, it's just then you get some of these conferences where you meet a bunch of people and you go, you know what?

I I really wish I could stay another week. It's just and this is kind of those kind of sort of situations. The the you guys are friendly to a fault and, and thank you for your kindness. I can't tell you how much I appreciate, the the gentle hands that we've been handled with since we were here and and and you guys have looked after us like we were royalty and it's pretty, it's pretty special stuff. Also, I gotta say, you know, there's this there's this feeling that I deal with in this stuff when I see there are certain areas around the country and around the world that I've seen where where you have these little pockets of enthusiasm that seem to be getting attacked from the outside by other guys in AA hugely.

And it and it sometimes it's so severe. Sometimes it's not severe. Sometimes it's just an irritant, but it's always generally there. You got big book guys over here that really believe in getting back into the basic text as a solution to their solution to their trouble. And then you got guys over here that seem to to want to, just say unkind things about anybody that carries a big book in a meeting.

And so when I when I saw in here and I know some of that stuff goes on and and it's just my heart goes out to you and I and I know how much courage it takes to walk into a meeting knowing that there'll be people in the room that don't agree with what you're saying and don't agree with your your your ideas and and of course they won't look at the book to see that you're doing the truth, that you're doing everything you're supposed to be doing. And I understand the frustrations and and I I beg of you to go ahead and and and just keep doing it. Just keep doing what you're doing because it makes a huge difference, and you'll notice it over a period of time. It's like 10 years ago at at the group that I'm that I'm from in Dallas that I can remember 10 years ago, I get hate mail every week. I get I get people threatening me physically.

I get all I mean, just horrible stuff that was going on. Today, that same group is 200 strong on a Tuesday night. 200 men and women sitting in a room studying the big book and it's a powerful thing to see. In a group offices there in Dallas and when they need somebody to do 12 step work, our group is the first group that they call. If there's somebody struggling trying to get a 12 step call together, they call us.

If they need a speaker for a group at a last minute deal, they call us. Just you see what I'm saying, guys? It's just that it just it it just takes time and perseverance. I'm not here to fight anybody and neither are you. Just do the exact same thing that you agree that you know works and the fellowship that you crave will spring up around you and you'll begin to see things from an amazing point of view.

It's a it's a it's a crazy deal. Some guy asked me one time, he said, I don't under see the question that he asked me is is I don't understand why you why you even why you even try to say anything about the big book the way you say it. I know that I offend people. I do I know I know it's not my intention ever. It's just the way I am and I and I and I'm always surprised, God bless you.

That was a good one. I think, I felt that one up here. I like those. Those are the closest thing to a religious experience you're ever gonna have is that feeling after that sneeze. It's just like, oh.

It's it's good stuff. But these guys will ask me why it is that I why would I wanna do that? Why would I wanna go out and subject myself to that kind of ridicule and that kind of abuse and sometimes it is. Sometimes it gets like that and I and I'll and I'll tell you the exact reason why. Some of you guys have heard my talks before and you heard that the the when when we're in a situation in the fellowship where there are meetings in the Dallas Fort Worth area where they won't let you bring a big book into the meeting.

You can't even carry a big book into the meeting. They'll stop you outside. What is that? It's a big book. Well, you can't go put it in your car.

Yeah. In an AA meeting. But see, no. Mainstream AA didn't say anything about those knuckleheads. They don't say anything at all.

There's places in the United States where they're charging where groups are charging money to hear fist steps. Charging Bill Wilson and doctor Bob would would they'd freak out if they heard that kind of crap. Charging money to hear fist steps. Is that not how crazy could that be? We see this stuff all the time and it just kinda guys, let's let's let's let's draw some parallels here real quick.

On Friday night or yesterday morning, I can't remember which one, we talked about a common solution on page 17, didn't we? We talked about this thing called a common solution. Theoretically, we should all be working the work pretty much the same way because we're using the basic text as what we're supposed to be using as a set of instructions for carrying a guy through the work. Now at that baseline, if we do adopt that as the baseline of this deal, from that point, we have to look at some of the stuff that goes I mean, the question that keeps dogging me is, if we look at the fellowship worldwide the way it is, let me tell you, in Houston, Texas 5 or 6 years ago, Houston the Houston metropolitan area is a huge metropolitan area anyway. And 5 or 6 years ago, their intergroup offices produced, statistical data based on the desire chips that they were given out, and there was right at 30 1,000 desire chips given out in 1 year.

30,000. Get it in your head. 30,000 desire chips given out. There was about 10%, a little less than 10% 1 year chips picked up. You know, guys, that that's 27,000 people that came and left AA.

Now look, guys, I'm I'm a realist. I'm not I'm not I'm not ignorant to the fact that there are some of those cats that came to AA and decided they didn't want what we had and they left. I understand that, but guys I want you to get your head around this idea. I want you to understand what's going on here. 30,000 people had the courage to walk into a goofy AA meeting and you know how much courage it took you to walk into your first AA meeting.

Remember? I do, and you're looking at the floor and you're all I mean, 30,000 people came to us for help and they all left except for about 3,000. Now could it be I'm just as just an example, it doesn't could it be that these guys just didn't hear what they needed to hear to stay? Could it be that the message that they heard in that meeting was so toxic and so off base of what the basic text told us we were supposed to be carrying that these folks just simply could not recover and they left? I I get I get these questions all the time.

People go, well, I tried AA and it it just didn't work. And if I can if I can if they'll give me a couple of minutes and I can talk to them a little bit about it like this, what I I find every time that these guys got distracted and absolutely demoralized by the goofy non stop meetings where people talked about crap that they didn't need to be talking about. You understand what I'm saying? We weren't talking about solution. We were talking about living problems that we were trying to solve in a meeting.

We had turned our fellowship into a group of junior therapists trying to help these guys, and that was not our goal. That was not the the the path that Bill and Bob and the first 100 set down for us, guys. It was not. We are not therapists. Some of you are and god bless you.

But I mean, as a general rule, most of us sitting in those rooms guys, can you imagine how ludicrous it is? How absolutely absurd it is to walk into a meeting of our politics anonymous and there's 30 people sitting around a meeting like this and we're all just sitting here like this and we're got and the topic of the day is relationships. And I'm gonna bear my soul and talk about relationships to a room full of people who've not had an honest relationship in their entire life, and they're gonna solve my problem. Is that Forgive me, some of you have had good relationships, but I mean, as a general rule, relationship in the relationship column it's a cesspool. I just Well anyway, not enough said.

You understand what I'm saying? I wanna I wanna read something to you. You'll you'll get a kick out of this, I think. In this before doctor Bob died, I got this from a from a well, I got this from a transcript of a talk that a guy did in 1976 in the states at a delegate meeting and, and the quote that really stuck out in this thing to me was this quote from doctor Bob that said, and I quote, there is no such thing as an individual interpretation of the 12 steps. Dig?

Guys and gals, there is no such thing as a personal interpretation of the 12 steps. The book dictated how we were supposed to do this. They told us how we were supposed to do this. And when we did it like doctor Bob did it, 90 plus percent of us came and stayed sober. 90 plus percent.

It's documented in a lot of different places, guys. Okay. So with that thought in mind, there's no such thing as a personal interpretation of the 12 steps. I wanna read you the grapevine statement of purpose. You guys read the grapevine here?

I'm sorry if you do. I'm I was I was kinda hoping it hadn't made it to Europe, but I guess it has. I want to read you the grapevine statement of purpose. The awareness that every AA member has an individual way of working the program permeates the pages of the grapevine and throughout its history, the magazine has been a forum for the varied and often divergent opinions of AA around the world. I'd like to pimp slap these guys from the grapevine.

I would. Can you say pimp slap from up here? Instead of being a forum in the grapevine for what was good about this program, they've decided to pick up all the virgin attitudes and ideas about how we're supposed to do this, this. And the reason I even mentioned it here guys is because this is the problem. This is the deal we have.

Let's pretend everybody in here is on the page. We got a 150 people in here and everybody's on the page and there are tens of thousands of drunks out there destined to be miserable and die in this deal that wanna take every cheap shot they can at you because you wanna do what the basic text asks you to do. Is there anything stupider than that? And yet it's the reality, and I don't if you don't believe it, I'm sorry you don't believe it, but from my viewpoint of talking to tens of thousands of drunks a year, it's it's terrible, guys. It's terrible.

And that's the reason why I'll never stop doing this and that's the reason why I wanna hold every one of you so dear and near. I wanna make sure that everybody is connected so that we can help and support each other until the tide begins to change. It's so much better than it was 5 years ago, and 5 years from now, it's gonna be even that much better because there's so many people out there that understand the truth of this deal. If you're an old timer and you stayed in this deal, god bless you. You are my absolute hero for staying and carrying this stuff to us now.

You are. If you're a woman and you stayed in this deal, thank you. Thank you. I have a daughter that's never taken a drink yet and she's headed right here. And guys, I'm praying that there's an army of strong women that know what they're talking about about the big book.

I don't want my daughter sitting in with a bunch of ladies talking about, oh, yeah. I know what you mean and convincing and rolling this out. I don't want a bunch of old hands messing with her. I want a bunch of strong women that know what they're doing, that can save her life, and she'll need it. You understand that?

It's not a big old fuzzy warm fellowship. It is it is, but it there's more to it. There's much more to it, And what we need is some women that can buck up, man up, do whatever you gotta do, but just say dinner dinner will be at 8. Right now, I'm going to a meeting, and go do you what you need to do because there's women dying in the trenches, guys. There's women everywhere just getting the crap kicked out of them because they can't the single biggest question I have in AA today, the single biggest question that I'm asked every time I travel is, how come there's not more women doing this?

How come there's not more women willing to make a stand and help me get through this work? How come we have so many women being sponsored by men? They have to. They don't have a choice. There's not enough strong women to go around.

If you're on the periphery of Alcoholics Anonymous and you're a woman, please make the make the change. All it takes is some effort on your part to study the book a little bit and then make it known that you're available to sponsor and your life will change forever. Okay. Enough of my soapbox for this morning. I I just sometimes I don't know where that crap comes from, but it's just sort of there under the surface and I I feel much better.

Anyway, let's talk about Daniel. My favorite topic this weekend. Let's talk about Daniel. This little screwed up mess, we finally got him all the way through the work where it's 10, 11 and 12 and he's beginning to to experience an awakening. He's beginning to change inside.

He's beginning to have what we would call the spiritual experience. That spiritual awakening that Bill and Bob talked about on damn near every page. He's doing great. His life is starting to change and he's beginning to experience things he's never experienced before. And traditionally in AA, what will happen is as we get this little cat to this stage of the game, what will happen is is that his sponsor will begin to back away from him now because there's other things to do and 10, 11, and 12 categorically has just generally been put into a big category of, some people will call them maintenance steps or or what I don't know.

But they tend to because there's there's no action there's no sponsor standing on his neck making him do these things. I I can't make him pray. I can't make him do this other stuff. I can't make him do 12 step work. That's generally the accepted deal.

And so what we find is is that we have these guys go through the immense process having these incredible experiences. These huge emotional uplifting things happening to him and then it's like if we were drawing a bell curve they'd be going like this and they'd be going up and up and up and up and I'm going, man, that's that's what I wanna sell my stock but I don't but if this thing goes up like this and then all of a sudden you see it going and it just starts ratcheting down a notch. It just starts heading back the other direction. And if you're in if you're if you're all lined up here and you're seeing this thing, what's happening is is that is that he's looking at it going, no this can't be happening. I I I I wanna I wanna feel like I felt 3 weeks ago, but I'm not feeling like I felt 3 weeks ago.

I'm feeling different, and everybody else is sensing it. His family's sensing it. He's starting to snap at Iris again, and Iris doesn't dig any of that kind of stuff. She's not gonna put up with that crap again. And and that's kind of how it's going.

And the the the deal here is that he's got an entire fellowship out out there saying, don't do anything. Just talk about it. Share. It'll get and that's the we we end up with whole bunches of us that get connected in that little pot of stuff and they just go down range living just like that, And they don't realize what was happening. The work that Peter was talking about around 10 and 11, these daily processes that we go to may may make sure that he maintains that vision of God in all of his glory, that he that everything stays crystal clear.

And that's what this whole process is about. We got a piece of arrogance in us and a piece of ego in us that says that we don't have to do this and we don't have to do this. Remember, defiance reasserting itself, and I'm getting defiant again and I got an opinion and I'm getting judgmental and I'm starting to say things I don't you understand what I'm saying? It it is this is the nature of the beast as the spiritual malady begins to rekindle. It would be great to have this this this uplift uplifting experience and then have the the spiritual malady at bay forever and we never have to do anything else.

That's not the way it happens though. Flip back over to your book on this thing where it talks about step 12, chapter 7 working with others. I just want to read you this one little piece. Page 89. You guys have read that first paragraph a 1000 times in your meetings.

Practical experience shows that nothing was so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our 12th suggestion. Carry this message to other alcoholics. You can help when no one else can.

You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill. You know by now that Bill Wilson says exactly what he means when he got into this book. Practical experience shows that nothing, no gray area there, will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. And yet if we took these straw polls and we just said how many guys have you sponsored?

How many guys you sponsored? How many guys you sponsored? You you you and then we get on down the road, We would have by the end of this thing a fairly pathetic showing if the the statistical data bears up, if it's like every place else, you would have a go, I I Yahweh, I sponsor a guy. A guy. Yeah.

A guy. Oh. How long you been sober? Oh, 15 years? Okay.

Okay. Let me ask you this question. Why is it you're just sponsoring 1 man when there's tens of 1,000 out there needing the message that you have? Well, you know, I had a lady one night in a in a in a talk that I did pull me off the podium when I got done. She pulled me down 2 steps down onto the floor, and she said, you know, I don't think you know anything about this program.

And I said, okay. That's your opinion. And I just turned to walk off. I wasn't gonna take a beating and she was already like this on me pulling me down the deal. And she said, you know, the the the you seem to think that we can sponsor more than 1 or 2 people at a time.

Go, I I that's right. That's exactly my stance. And she said, well you can't. Everybody knows that. And I said, well everybody's wrong.

And she said, you're the most arrogant man I've ever met. And I said, thank you. If I was married to you, I'd kill myself. I didn't say it. I thought it, but I didn't say it.

Because I am the spiritual giant. I didn't I just, you know the feeling. It's just like the but but it's the it's the craziest thing. Let me tell you this story. Some of you guys have heard this story about that.

I go to I go to I go to this cesspool group that I that I that that I sober up in this toxic deal and I stay there for 7. You guys got this Sunday night I mean, Friday night, And then I ended up over at primary purpose group at 7 years sober. And I'm I'm really goofy and I'm really nutty and, and I start studying the book, and I got immediately better. Immediately, it was like a light had turned on and I began to sense some peace for the first time and I began to understand and I began to slowly but surely over a period of about 3 or 4 months, I began to reconnect dots and things began to make sense. I began to understand why I drink the way I drink.

I began to understand the nature of alcoholism as it was. I began to understand the nature of sponsorship as it was because I had a strong sponsor that had a blowtorch fired up and it was right on my rear end and everywhere I went he had that dang blowtorch on my rear end and when I got complacent and started to back up, there it is, the blowtorch again, and I knew that there was no slowing down, and it was like I knew he was she was herding me in certain directions. Well, finally, after about a year and a half to 2 years, Cliff got even tired of herding me with the dang blowtorch, torch, and finally he just backed off and I noticed that he did. I noticed when he did it, he just was just like he turned the thing off and set it aside, and he just let me coast in AA. And you know, I'm going to the most exciting big book study I've ever been involved with, the meeting, and I've got all these friends.

I have a bunch of big book dumper buddies that I'm hanging with and we're all just at one with the universe and it's all good, the fellowship, and I'm getting sicker. And it manifests itself first in my home. I can't stop raising my voice to my wife, who I adore. I can't stop getting a little physical I employees are starting off. When I walk in, my my employees go and look down because they don't know where I'm coming from.

They don't is it gonna be the good boss today or is this gonna be the jerk boss? And so the the this is all going on. And over several weeks, this stuff begins to manifest itself. I'm not comfortable in my own skin again. I'm not doing the things that I'm supposed to do and, and I am clueless.

On an intellectual basis, I know exactly what the problem is. I am crystal clear what the problem is intellectually, and yet my arrogance and my ego says I've paid enough dues. I've done enough stuff. I go blah blah blah. This, you know And after all, I'm going to these meetings and they're really good meetings.

Right? The meeting. The meeting. So I finally get a hold of Cliff and and one night after a meeting like this and I during the meeting, I've been looking around that room and I look at that guy's eyes and I'd look at her eyes and I'd look at her eyes and I'd go damn. And it hit me like a ton of bricks and I I said, Clifford, can I talk to you after this meeting?

And he said yep. And after the meeting we walked in that little parlor off the big room and I said, I'm still not like you, am I? And he said, nope. You're not. Clifford, I don't know how.

I'm real uncomfortable. And he said, I I know I'm watching it happen. I'm I've been I've been telling you for 2 years what's going on. Well, what do I need to do? And he looked at me like I had asked him the like, how do you go to the bathroom?

I mean, it was like I was asking him the most basic of question, but he it's like he was surprised that I would even ask it. And and and I'll never forget it because it was just in total it wasn't so much disgust as it was just this piece of resignation. I have a retarded guy that I'm sponsoring. I guess that's it. I I don't know.

I just I just I I just mentally, I just wasn't there and he just said, look. I tell you what, Myers, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you one more time. And I could see his dander getting up on you know, he goes, I'm gonna tell you one more time. You will not survive the trials and low spots unless you get busy working with another drunk. That's it.

You have every excuse in the world why you can't go I said, Clifford, now wait a minute now. For 2 solid years, I've been following you around to all of these wind up joints. He said that's right. You've been following me around, but you haven't been doing anything. When I'm done with my talk, where are you?

You're usually standing right by the door ready to go. You can't do that. You've gotta get in the trenches. You've gotta get ready to sponsor. You've gotta get ready to get out there and carry a message.

Okay. I'll do anything you want me to do. And he said, I want you to go to Salvation Army tomorrow night. And I went, and I I hated the Salvation Army in Dallas. I hated it.

There was a lot of places that we go to talk talk like that, but the Salvation Army was 99.9% black men and they were they scared the crap out of me. I'm telling you they did. And they they it I just didn't I just didn't like going out there. They I'm a businessman. You know what?

These are skid row guys and it what a crock. And it and so I said okay. I'll go. I'll go. And so I left and and and then by the time I got out into the into the to the to the area where the group was, I had backed out.

I'd said, I ain't gonna go. And I and I and I just Darryl Darryl was standing there. My buddy Darryl was standing right there and she said, so how'd it go? She knew I was getting spanking in there. And she said, how'd it go?

And I said, he wants me to go to Salvation Army. And she goes, great. Great. And I said, well, you go then. I don't wanna go to the dang place like this.

And I just kept walking. And as I'm walking, she says she's talking behind me and she says and there there's a bunch of people in that room and it's really loud, but I hear every word she says. She says, has he ever told you anything that wasn't true? And I didn't stop and I just walked out into the little courtyard out there behind by the by the meeting. And by the time I got outside and smelled some air and just like this, I went, damn.

I guess. So I called him and I said, okay. I'll tell you what. Tomorrow night, I'll be out there at 8 o'clock to do that meeting. And he said, okay.

Good. Hung up the phone. So I walk into this meeting and I walk in and there's a 120 or a 130 black men, all of them with their arms folded like this and about half of them have glasses sunglasses on and they're leaning back in their chairs like this and I am so petrified I'm about to pee myself. I mean I'm just some of you guys have been there. You know exactly what the deal is.

And so and I and I I don't know what to say and I don't know how to talk and I just like this. So anyway, I get my book and all my crap out there like this and I'm starting to talk and and we get through the meeting. And we we we're done and, we're all holding hands after this meeting like this and they're saying the Lord's prayer like this and we drop hands and when we drop hands, nobody drop my hand. They're all still holding my hand like this and I'm and I'm like this to let go and they're not I'm trying to shake them off like they're, you know, and it's like Velcro. They're just stuck to me.

And these this this guy squeezed my hand like this, and I'm going, oh, this is great. This is when they kill me. And I and this guy standing across the room over there and he says, can I ask you a real quick question? And I said, yep. And he said, is there any chance you can come back out here tomorrow and do this again?

Yeah. I I can do that. And I and I remember we dropped hands like this and I walked outside and I felt like I'd been pen slapped. I just was, like, addled. I just I remember getting into that car and and and my old Toyota Land Cruiser and I'm just sitting there kinda rattling down the road in this truck and I'm and I'm thinking, holy cow.

What just happened? And I and the next night, I did. I was kind of excited when I got up the next morning about the prospects of going back out there and thinking about what we're gonna do and I got walked back out there and when I walked in, the room was they were all standing this time when I walked into the room. None of them were sitting down, but then none of them had sunglasses on. And when I walked in, there's this guy across the room and he's the biggest man I've ever seen in my life.

And he's huge. And this guy's like this tall and his shoulders are about this broad and I have that his his legs are as wide as my waist, and he's just walking real fast towards me. And you know how when someone somebody gets in your space a little bit too fast like this, you do it. Well, that's what that's what I was do. I was just going like, oh god.

He's gonna kill me. And this guy grabbed me like this and he says, man, I'm glad you're here. And he put his arms around me and he just stood up and my feet are off the ground. He's just, like, crushing me into into his chest like this. You can see my little legs are going down like this dangling trying to it's just and he's holding me and he's holding me and he's holding me and I finally I'm trying to, you know, it's not a real normal place for me to be hugged by a guy anyway.

I don't, like, I come from a real touchy feely family anyway and it and it just Finally, I just stopped struggling, I just stopped and I just kinda relaxed and he's just holding me and I'm just kind of hanging there like this, and I and I I'm just like kinda kinda rested my head on his on his on his chest on his chest, and I'm just kinda like going, like, this is the I've never felt love like that in my whole life. I never he could have been my daddy and I I mean, I just And we had us one rip roaring meeting. Well, I'm telling you, it was a barn burner. And when we got done like this, the we we're back in this circle like this and this guy standing like this and and we shake hands and and nobody lets go on my hand again and I'm still holding this, but I'm not so scared tonight. And he goes there's this guy across the room and he said, hey, will you be my sponsor?

And I went, yeah. And about that time, 5 other hands went up. Me too. Me too. Me too.

So I go from nobody to 6 guys in 1 night and I'm thinking, how does the guy do this? And and so, I want you to fast forward. I did that gig for another 5 or 6 months and then a place called Homer Bound out in out in South Dallas out in the hood opened up and it was, and it's just an amazing deal. A bunch of indigent guys and and and over a period of a couple years, I sponsored 100 of those men and and believe me, in those kind of situations you learn how to how to get this thing working pretty quick and so that you can get on to it because there's just so many people needing to do the deal. But my life changed.

1 night we were at Home We're Bound and Daryl was down there with me like this and we got done with this talk and we're walking down this hallway in a hospital you know how hospitals are? The floors always seem a little sticky and you're like this. And we're just there's no sound except my boots sticking to this floor as we're walking through this field. And Darrah's standing, she's real little and she's standing right here like this and I said, Darrah, did you feel that in there tonight? And she goes, yeah.

And the hair on the back of both our heads were standing up and she said, are you coming back? And I went, ain't nothing in the world would keep me from doing this. I'll do this until the day I die. And it was an absolute fact. Bill Wilson, back on page 14, they talk about this experience that he had and he talked about the it was the genesis.

They described the genesis of Alcoholics Anonymous as we know it. And he the thought came into his head that perhaps he could pass this on to another alcoholic and how absolutely powerful that stuff was. And guys, I gotta tell you, if there is a secret handshake in Alcoholics Anonymous, it's 12 step work. It's 12 step work. Turn to page 50, page 60.

I wanna read something to you. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs and you guys have read it a 1000 times off these little lampshade deals, but pay attention to something when we read this thing this time. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, let's turn that comma into a period. Period. We tried to carry this message to alcoholics.

What was the message that we were trying to carry? That we'd had a spiritual experience as a result of doing this work. So the very next question that begs to be asked, have I had a spiritual experience or a spiritual awakening as a result of doing this work? And if you have, great. And if you haven't, go get one.

None of us are immune and none of us are cast to one side and none of us are I had a guy one time and I know more other people have thought this, but I had a guy one time after a meeting say, well, you know what? I think God just loves other guys better than he does me. I'm just not gonna get this deal. And you know, my head you know what? What?

My head immediately went to when I used to go to Sunday school a lot when I was a kid. And and I felt that exact same way. You know what? All you buckaroos in here are gonna get this thing. You're gonna get this and be sunbeams for Jesus and all this stuff, and I'm never gonna get it, ever.

I'm screwed. I know I am. And I understood what that guy was feeling when he said that and I gotta tell you, the book guarantees that everyone would have a spiritual awakening as a result of doing this work if they would simply submit to the process. The way the book said, leaving nothing undone, leaving nothing out And that's the reason why the lineage of sponsorship becomes increasingly important because bad sponsorship or weak sponsorship, I'm not ever gonna call it bad sponsorship because some of you guys have been sober for a long long time, longer than me, and you're still here, which says that something was done right. You had to something had to be going or you wouldn't have been here.

Perhaps you had an experience 20 years ago and you're still trying to live today based on an experience that you had 20 years ago. And I understand that guys. I mean, I'm I'm a card carrying member of that club. I'm the poster boy of that club. You see?

I'm trying to maintain everything based on something that happened way far back. I don't believe that. I've been Because the work keeps this stuff alive. Teaching others about the big book keeps this stuff alive. Twelve step work going out to a wind up joint to a treatment center to a halfway house to some place where you can carry a message or hospital.

This is what keeps this stuff vibrant and exciting. And every time I leave those places, I feel more uplifted. I feel more enriched by the work that I'm doing. I just sit in this meeting one night, and this guy goes, I'm just so I'm just so bored with you guys. I'm bored with this whole anything during the meeting, but after the meeting, I said, let me ask you a question.

Who do you sponsor anybody? And he said, you gotta be kidding. I'm barely staying sober now. What makes you think I need to sponsor somebody? That's the inherent problem right there.

If you were doing something for somebody else, you wouldn't have so much time to think about how bored you are and your life would be enriched. It doesn't make a great deal of sense but that's exactly the way it works. Every one of us has a big old basket full of excuses why we can't sponsor and why we can't do 12 step work. We all have excuses. I work hard.

I've got this. I've got this. I'm in school. I'm gay. I'm not gay.

I'm a I'm a Vietnam vet. I'm a I'm a There's a 1,000 excuses and I'm not making light of any of them. All of them have some plausibility. All of them have some reason, but at the end of the day guys, I'm telling you right now, it's all horse crap. It is.

Millions of drunks are gonna die because they don't have the message that you know, millions of them, and you sold yourself a bill of goods that you're not smart enough, you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not quick enough, you're not I don't care, you've sold yourself the same bill of goods that I sold myself. I'm never gonna be good enough to carry a message. Page 132, there's a little line down at the bottom of that thing that says, we have recovered and been given the power to help others. I didn't have to do anything, guys. I don't have to be smart, I don't have to be the greatest 12 stepper I've ever run across in my whole life, never finished high school, never finished high school and could barely write his name.

Burnout, brutal, brutal alcoholic and crack addict, brutal guy, Drug him in right off the street. And buddy, when he got this stuff fired up like this, it was like the a had been poured right in his little rear end and buddy, he was he walked into a room and you'd go like this because he glowed. He had this vibrance in him, and he'd look around the room. He didn't care his friends would be going going, hey. Hey.

What's going on, Jerry? What? Hey. Hey. Like this.

And he'd he'd be just, great. Great. And he's looking around the room like this, and he goes, you. And he just walked right to him. He'd be at the newcomer every damn time.

And he'd sit down in like this. Sometimes, he'd have 3 guys at once and he'd just be sitting there talking big book stuff like this. And he'd get up afterwards like that. I had to help him write inventory because he couldn't write well enough. And I'd help to help him do all this other stuff that he was doing.

But you understand what I'm saying? It would have been so much easier for this character to sit to one side and say, you know what? I'm just too stupid to do this. And when the new guy comes in, I'll just look down at the floor and I'll let somebody else grab that guy. Somebody will get him, won't they?

I was in a meeting one night and we were standing there and and, I was a guest at a place that I was getting ready to do a talk at. The talk was the following night and they took me to the meeting at the deal. And and we're sitting in there like this and as these people are coming in, this guy that's sitting here that's my host, I said is that one of your regular guys? And he goes, no, I don't know who that guy is. How about that girl that just walked in?

Do you know her? No. I've I've never seen her before. I don't know who she is. And they just sit back and talk, and they'd be talking to me and this kind of stuff.

This went on for about 10 minutes. And I finally just looked at him and I said, let me ask you a question. Did it ever occur to you to get up off your ass and go over there and greet one of those people and let them know that they're welcome in this fellowship and that we can get them plugged in with a strong woman just like that? Did it ever occur to you? And it really pissed him off.

He was really angry with me for speaking to him like that and yet, collectively guys, that's the attitude that we need to get. That's the that's the perceptual shift that needs to happen here is that we need to understand that there when a guy comes in here, he's uncomfortable. Right? He they don't know what's going on. The women that come in here and they're just holding their purse and they're kinda looking around like this and they don't know, buddy, you can spot them a mile away.