Steps 5, 6 and 7 at the CPH12 v9 convention in Copenhagen, Denmark

Okay. Here we go, everybody. Now I wanna start off this session with, with a story. I think there's a lot of us in here who have sponsored people who have come to us and said, I'm in a relationship. I've just met somebody.

And we all go, oh no. Yeah. Doug is absolutely right. God needs to be the arbiter of our sexual conduct, not us or you know, I mean, we we can give people advice and everything, but we're not the ultimate authority. But here's a story.

This, this young woman, goes up to her sponsor, and she says, you know, I've got almost a year now, and I'd really I haven't been dating and I I'd really like to start getting involved in dating. And, you know, there's a couple of guys that I'm interested in. What do you think? Now as a good sponsor, a lot of good sponsors go to the book, which is what you should do for advice like this. So most of this most of the SEX advice is on page 69, ironically enough.

Okay? So so the sponsor says, well, go home and re read page 69. So on the way home, the the new spot see the new the new girl, gets the numbers confused. And instead of going home and opening up the big book at page 69, she opens it up at page 96 and she starts to read. And Doug will read starting at the top of page 96.

Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out other search out other alcoholics and try again. You are sure to find someone enough to accept you with eagerness. What you have to offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you.

If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. 1 of our fellowships failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. That's good. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others who have since recovered.

It goes on and on. It goes, he may be broke or homeless. So this poor woman got the advice she needed, I guess. Oh, man. Okay.

We're on, we're on step 5. Step 5, starts Chapter 6 into action, page 72. Page 72. Having made our personal inventory, what should we do about it? We've been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator and to discover the obstacle in our path.

We've admitted certain defects. We've ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is. We put our finger fingers on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which when completed will mean that we have admitted to god, to ourselves, to another human being the exact nature of our defects.

This brings us to the 5th chapter. And it says this is perhaps difficult, some of us. I would say I mean, I don't know about anybody else in here, but they told me never admit anything even if they got you on video. You know? Always play dumb.

So when I saw that, it was gonna be an actual step to, like, admit this stuff, it was not the greatest. I'll tell you, my first sponsor, god bless him, was a fellowship sponsor. And, you know, everyone back in in these days, when when I first got sober, were fellowship sponsors. And, you know, if you were to raise your hand in a in a 4 step meeting and say, well, how exactly do you do a 4 step? You were likely to get, kid, you do a 4 step with a pencil.

Well, thanks for that, you know. That really answers all of my questions. And you used to get answers like that from the cranky old timers because, they didn't really know how to do a a 4 step, actually. You know, you'd find that out after you gain a little experience. Anyway, I did the best I could with the 4 Step the first time I did it.

And for better or worse, it was, it was what I knew at that time, you know, putting together the things that I knew at that time. And now it was time to go do a 5th step with someone, my sponsor. And so he goes, okay. Come on over, and we're gonna go take a ride, and we're gonna go down to the park. There was this place called Lewis Morris Park near where I live.

Very beautiful. A lot of trails to the woods. And, you know, and he brings his dogs. And I'm thinking this is, like, gonna be like, he's doing this because it's kind of a spiritual thing. You know, I'll be out in the woods, a holistic experience.

He's doing it because he needed to take his dogs for a walk. And he was killing 2 birds with 1 stone. But anyway, we get out there and I've got this thing that I've been hiding under the spare tire of my car for, you know, 2 or 3 weeks waiting to get a chance to do a fist step with this guy. And it's it's it's the whole Megillah. You know what I mean?

It's the it's it's everything I could put together about the patheticness of Chris. You know, how small I was, how tragic my life was, the things that I had done wrong. And I just had it all in this one volume. And, again, this is the best I could do at that time. And we started to take a walk, and I started to read this thing.

And, I mean, as I was reading it, I was just so filled with I was just so ashamed of myself, you know, just so ashamed. And as I'm reading this, it started to dawn on me that this isn't really that bad. You know what? I'm reading it. I'm sharing it with a person and he's nodding, you know, like, you know, he's turning his head to yawn, you know, so I wouldn't see him and and all that stuff.

But he gets to the point where, I'm done. And he looks at me and he goes, you know, Chris, here's what I believe about you. He goes, let's say you're a campfire and and and all the coals are like like burning, but but, you know, they're they're like glowing. They're they're like glowing embers in this campfire. And, you know, let's picture you as that campfire.

And then all of a sudden, alcohol comes along. It's like taking gasoline and throwing it on that smoldering campfire. All of a sudden, it flares up, and it burns anybody that's near it. That's what your alcoholism was. You were a pre alcoholic.

You had all the characteristics of alcoholism. When you discovered alcohol, boom, you flared up and you you harm the people closest to you. That's kind of what we do. Chris, this is an illness, he said. This is an illness.

This is something that once you get caught up in it, you're powerless over it until you're exposed to the recovery process, until you're exposed to AA. You know? Give yourself a break. I you know, he wasn't cutting me slack on what I did. He was just telling me that I shouldn't be suffering about all of this stuff because it is it is an illness.

It is an illness. And and one of the symptoms of the illness is parking on people's lawns or vomiting on people's brand new carpet, you know, or or or forgetting your date at the prom and taking off with the boys, You know? Or all these things that that I was I was constantly doing. You know? I mean, I was, and he gave me a little bit of slack.

He he cut me a little bit of bail on being an alcoholic. And I walked away from that fist step feeling okay. I mean, it was the first time. I always thought I was a scumbag. You know what I mean?

Not a run of the mill scumbag, I was a special scumbag. I wasn't just any old scumbag. I had like special scumbag quality. Don't put me in with all the rest of the I'm a scumbag, but don't don't cut it. Don't put me in with the crowd.

I'm different. But I always thought that I was a I was a scumbag. And walking away from this experience, I really got to the point where I realized that, I wasn't. I was not. I actually had good I had good intentions and I had a good heart, and I suffered when I did things wrong.

I had a conscience. You know, evil people are able to shut their consciences off. I I've never met an evil alcoholic. I really haven't because we suffer from what we do. And then we drink more because we suffer.

And then we cause more problems. Then we feel even worse, so we drink even more. You know, and we're caught up in this crazy cycle of, of pathetic, addictive behavior. That's an alcoholic. You know, we're not evil people.

We're we're we're good people that do bad things, and we're smart people that do stupid things. We're just we're you know, we we do really, really stupid things. One of the stupid things that I did, back when I was drinking was, you have DWIs here. Right? Driving while intoxicated, and they don't the cops don't like that here too.

I mean, the cops don't like that, you know, where I come from. And I I had 3 DWIs. And I was getting my driver's license back from a 3rd DWI, and I had to go to Motor Vehicle Bureau. Now I I didn't do real well with Motor Vehicle Bureau and the bright fluorescent lights and the standing in line and the authority and the people telling me what to do. I hated it all, so I took a couple of drinks.

You know? And and I drove to this place to get my license back for a 3rd I you know, I I've been walking for years. I drove to this place to get my license back, and, and I'm indignant. You know how we're resentful at authority. You know?

You know how because I tried a 100 different ways to get my license back, like, illegally. And I just they caught me every time. So I actually had to do what they asked me to do. So I'm a dig. And I walk in there, and I go, okay.

I go to this woman who's gotta take all my paperwork and then give me a slip to go downstairs to get my license. And I go, I got this, and I got this, and this is notarized, and this is signed, and here's my money for this. And she stops me and she leans forward and she starts sniffing me. She's going and I'm like yeah. And she goes, have you been drinking?

And I go, no. And she looks at my records and she goes, you're getting your license back for a 3rd DWI, and you came here drunk. I'm like, no. And she she has to give me this slip. I mean, you know, I've got all my my ducks in a row.

She's gotta give me this slip and she hands it to me and she hands me this thing and I grab it and and she's not letting go. I'm like, I'm like, trying to she's trying to protect society from me. And she goes, did you drive here? And I'm like, no. You know, that's why I go through the woods and do all these cutbacks to get back around my car.

Now now think about how stupid it is to get drunk and then go get your license back for a 3rd DWI. I mean, on a level of stupidness, that's right there at the top. Now, you know, I'm a smart guy. I had millions of these. I had millions of these, and I never wanted to share them with anybody because I was so ashamed of them.

You know? Nowadays, they don't hold that they don't hold that power over me anymore. I'm not like, you know, when I think about something. You ever you ever get those, like, you're walking down the road and then you think about some tragically pathetic thing, then you go like, oh. I mean, I don't have any more of those.

I've said I've shared them all. I've given them to god. I've done my amends. I don't have any of those anymore. Thank God, they used to drive me crazy because, you know, the little shame episodes or whatever you wanna call them.

Now, I've done a lot of fist steps. Let me tell you about one of my last ones. I did, you know, I did the resentment inventories. I did the fear inventories. There's very little sex conduct stuff that hits anymore but I had some resentments and I had some fears.

Not many but I had some. And I went and I shared this with my sponsor and at the end he goes, hey Chris, do you see what I see? I go, what do you mean? He goes, do you see that every single one of your resentments and every single one of your fears relates to your job? And I go, yeah.

I I I'm seeing that now. I mean, I didn't see it. One of the jobs as a sponsor, the person hearing the fist step, is to help you recognize these patterns because sometimes we just don't see. And here's what he did. He looked me right in the face and he goes, Chris, the next time we're doing this, the next time I'm hearing a fist step, I don't wanna hear anything about your job.

I want you to take care of this stuff. Obviously, you're in the wrong job. Obviously, you're unhappy. There's a lot of things going on here that just aren't right. What are you doing?

What are you doing? And he woke me up. He woke me up and within 6 months, I had a job that that I went from I went from a civil service type job where you punch the time card and you you couldn't get fired if you brought in a handgun and and shot off a couple rounds at your boss. You couldn't get fired. It was just one of those jobs.

And, and but it was it was just driving me out of my mind because because to be ambitious, they'd they'd see ambition on you and they'd squash you. You know, he's ambitious. Get him. You know what I mean? He he worked an extra minute, slashes tires.

I mean, it was like one one of these atmospheres that was just you you couldn't you couldn't ever do you know, everything was on seniority. And it was just it was just nuts, and they hated you. And it was just a it was a bad job for for somebody like me. So, so I left that job, and I went to a job where I'd actually be I'd actually have to work, which was kinda scary. I had to overcome that fear.

You know, it was one way it was described early on is the alcoholic is really afraid of change. We're afraid of change. It's almost like imagine being in a cesspool with the cesspool water right up to just below your nose. Okay? And somebody walks over and say, hey.

You want a handout? And you go, no. Just don't make any waves. You know? You know?

Somebody say, come on. I'll help you I'll help you out of that cesspool you're in. No. No. Just don't make it worse.

I mean, you know, that's what we're like sometimes because of fear. We're afraid to change. I was in a cesspool, and the water was almost up to my nose, and I was afraid to leave that job, you know. And I left that job and I went to something much better, and then I left that job and I went to something much better, and then I left that job. Now I don't care.

I'll leave a job like that. I'll leave a job. I don't care because, you know, I just I just know that the opportunities out there are absolutely endless. And today today, I'm in I'm in a a pretty high pressure job, but I'm spiritually able to handle the the the pressure. When I walked in, hey hey, I never would have considered the type of job I'm in.

I I I would have thought, oh my god. No way. Because there's just I've got so many employees and there's so much responsibility and the phone's ringing, there's emergencies, and things are on fire, and there's floods and, you know, catastrophes. And and and I work at places where literally, I'm not exaggerating, they have to sweep the bullets off of the sidewalks before you go into the schools in the morning. I'm not I'm not exaggerating.

I'm saying literally there's a bullet sweeping detail, you know. But and I mean, I'm living in a it's it's crazy, the place that but I'm okay. I'm I'm spiritually okay and I'm I'm of I'm of service. I'm I'm doing a lot of, a lot of good in the position that I'm in and I'm being, you know, I'm being compensated accordingly. So that inventory sharing that inventory with my first sponsor woke me up to the fact that I'm scared to try something new because I'm stuck in predictable, predictable, day.

You know, I know it's a cesspool, but it's my cesspool. You know what I'm saying? So, again, these are some of my experiences with, with the fist step. You know, when you get spiritually fit, by working the steps and helping others, your whole life changes. I was, flying on, Jet Airway 1, on September 14, 2001.

I was one of the first flights back out of Washington, and I was going up, actually Philadelphia. I was going up to Bangor, Maine, and and Jet Airways 1, in the United States brings you past the World Trade Center. And I looked at the World Trade Center smoking there and I looked at my first officer and I said I'm out. And he says what do you mean you're out? I said I I quit.

I'm not doing this anymore. And I and I I knew I knew that with, with my heart of hearts and I hated flying 5 years prior to that, but I was caught up in this money pit thing because because airline pilots in the United States get paid very well. And so, he goes, did scheduling call you off? I said, no. No.

I I I quit. I'm out. And, and I left flying. And, you know, the hardest thing for me to get over was, not thinking that I wasted 20 years of my life, in the airlines. That was the biggest part, and and I do today what I dreamed about.

But you know what I did first? I wrote out the top ten things in my most favorite job. I did a job ideal just like you could do a sex ideal, just like you do a relationship ideal. I wrote out the top ten things, and you know what? I have every 10 out of 10 that I do today.

I'm a public speaker, radio shows, I mean, I got a phenomenal comp everything. Everything on my ideal list I have today because of Alcoholist Anonymous and working these steps. So if you're in something you just totally hate, let's think about that. And there's another question I wanna ask you. Step 5, admit it to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact natures of our wrongs.

Step 5, right here, on the list that that you all have been signing up for that you're gonna get emailed. Okay? In the big book, it says warnings for skipping the 5th step. There are there are literally 7 things, 7 warnings if you skip this 5th step. I've seen every one of these come true.

Are you ready? Here we go. And it has the page number and the paragraph on the side. I always put that in the big book just to show you that I'm not making this stuff up. Okay?

It says, number 1, we may not overcome drinking. I've seen people who skip the 5th step. They don't come overcome drinking. Number 2, we will not learn humility. It's very humbling to do a 5th step to somebody.

Number 3, we will not learn fearlessness. Number 4, we will not learn honesty. Number 5, we will be plagued with egoism and fear. 6, we will not expect to live long. And number 7, we will not live happily.

If any of those folks has happened to you right now, let's take a serious, serious look at where your sobriety is. I don't care if you have 10 years, 15 years, 2 years, 1 year. If any of that's happening, you're skipping this vital, vital step. And let me explain why that that step is so important to you. In the 5th step, it states here.

Now remember in the 4th step, it says next we launched. So if you don't think that's a time frame, then you're missing the English language of the word launched. Okay? It's immediate. It's next.

It's happening. So next, we launched out on a course of vigorous action. Now we do the 4th step. Once you write the 4th step, make sure your sponsor doesn't say, well, I'm I'll be home in December, and we'll go over it then. That's not it because this is what it says.

It says, we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is. We have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. What's the word now mean? Now? The but there's no time frames in AA.

I love when people say that. Really? Well, now these are about ready to be cast out with the 5th step. Says now. So now means, I think now, you go do the 5th step.

Okay? So that's why I'm bringing these people through these steps because as we're writing out the 4th, he's saying the 5th. Do you see what I mean? I'm getting this stuff done. Alright.

It tells you why you're gonna do the 5th step. The best reason first. Well, I I guess that's why we're gonna do. The best reason first why you do the 5th step. This is a big one.

If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. I'll read it again. If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Now, there's 9 times I'm getting all my fingers all set up. 9 times, that's 9, 9 times, they're gonna make sure that you tell us everything.

They're gonna make sure of that. Okay? So, now, I'm at my sponsor's house. He's got 4 hours set aside for 22 pages of inventory that I have. He has 4 hours set for me.

I walk in. He's got the candles going. He's got this all spiritual things happening, going on. And this guy is a big book thumper. He knows what is happening.

He knows I'm scared s less over this. I am just fearful because even though I didn't write down the thing, the thing that happened in Knoxville, Tennessee, right, in 1984, April. I remember the day, everything. And it wasn't a pretty thing. I wasn't gonna tell him.

It wasn't on my inventory. So he says, let's read a couple things. Because I thought he was, like, reading my mind. He says, so the best reason why we're doing this first is if you leave anything out, you're not gonna get overcome drinking. He goes, and you're not leaving anything out.

Right? And I'm like, he sees through me. This guy sees through me. How does he know that? No.

I'm not leaving anything out. I looked at him with a smile and straighten his eyes. I'm looking at you. No. I didn't leave anything out.

Right? He says, okay. Cool. Let's go. Time after time, newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives.

Number 1. He goes, you're not keeping certain facts about your life hidden from me, are you? No. No. No.

No. I'm not doing that. Oh, okay. Let let's move on. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, you're not trying to avoid this humbling experience by leaving something out.

No? And I really wish you would stop asking me. Oh, I'm just we're just doing the big book. He goes, we're just doing the big book. I said, okay.

He goes, they have turned to easier methods. Are you turning to an easier method by leaving something off? No. No. I'm not.

Four times I'm lying to this guy. This is how good I was. He goes, good. Because this is what happens if you do. Almost invariably, in English that means almost always.

Almost invariably they got drunk. And then he pauses for a fact. And he says, so you do understand the circumstances? If you leave anything out, which you just told me 4 times, you're not. And I'm like, no.

And I'm I'm now I'm beating sweat. No? No? I'm not leaving it here. Having persevered with the rest of the program, that means steps 1, 2, 3, and 4, they wondered why they fell.

We, meaning the first 100 people who wrote this book, we think the reason is they never completed their housecleaning. He looked up just like this. He goes, but you completed your housecleaning because you're not leaving anything off. Because you just told me 4 times that I said, no, I have not left anything out. 5 times.

And I feel sad. He goes, good. Alright. He goes, because this is what's gonna happen. But they had not learned enough humility, fearlessness, and honesty in the sense we, the first 100 people who wrote this book, found it necessary until they told someone else and he circled the word all their story.

And he says, and you have a book right now and you're gonna tell me all your story leaving nothing out because you just told me 5 times you're leaving nothing out. No. I'm not leaving nothing out. Six times I lied to this guy. This is good.

Okay? But that was fine. So we're moving on. He says, we must be entirely honest with somebody. And he looks up and there he goes again.

And you're being entirely honest with me. I'm like, yes, I am. 6. He turns to the page. He goes he has to lick his finger and turn the page.

Alright. Then he comes over here. He says, good. Good. Because this is the way it works and this is the time frame he said to me.

He goes, when we decided to hear our story, we waste how much time? Well, it says right here, when we decided to hear our story, we waste no time. No time. How fast is that? That's almost like now or launched or next.

Something like but there's no time frames in AA. So don't listen to what this book says. Let's listen to what the oral tradition people say. Like this. Step a year.

Step a year. Yeah. Why couldn't I find that sponsor? Step a year. I've been searching him out.

Take your time. Alright. When we decided to hear our story, we waste no time. Alright? It says this is a life and death errand in this book.

It's a life and death errand. We're not mincing words here. Life and death. So now here we go. We park at our pride and we go to it, eliminating every twist eliminating every twist of character.

And he looks up and he says, 7 times I have asked you and you've left out nothing. Correct? No. I have not. 7 I lied to him.

So now we're going on. He says, okay. So you're eliminating every twist of character. Every dark cranny of the past? Every dark cranny of the past?

Eight times he's asked me. I said, Craig, if you ask me again, I'm coming over the table. I'm knocking you out. I I said I've I've I've I'm telling you everything. Every dark cranny of the past.

So now I'm sitting there and he says, I'm gonna go get a glass of water. So now I'm sitting there like this and I'm like, you know, the tables like this. Tables moving. My feet are moving. I'm going like this.

I mean, I was out of my mind. I only had 90 days sobriety. And he's shooting me through these steps. My heart's pounding and so he comes back, he sits down, he goes, okay. Let's let's get this thing going.

And then he goes like this. He goes, oh, wait. Wait. Wait. One one other thing.

He says, once we have taken the step withholding nothing, he says, this is your last chance, pal. And he looked at me. He goes, are you withholding anything? And I just looked at him and I went, yes. Oh, yeah.

1984, the Oxford, Tennessee, April. There was this girl. It always starts off with there's this girl. Right? Doesn't it?

It was this guy. It was girl. Well, me, it was the girl. And, and I blurted it out. And then when I was done, I was like And I was waiting for a movement.

Is he gonna run away? And he goes, is that it? You made me say 9 times you lied to me 8 out of 9. Is that it? Let me tell you something.

And he told me his thing and I was like, oh, dude. You're sick. I did. And then we went on and I told him. And and and he just zipped 22 pages.

We did, like, you know, nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing, whatever. He says you are such a normal drunk. Don't worry about it. You're gonna be just fine, except for that thing in Tennessee. But otherwise What was that?

Yeah. I'm gonna tell you tonight. I'm gonna tell that story tonight. Really. It it was It's hugely, immensely, immensely bad and I will tell you.

Right? Either I'm very sick or I'm very healthy, because I will tell you tonight when you come to this to hear this story, and it's truly amazing how I made amends. Truly. And and if this may this may be the first time since we're in, you know, the Netherlands and you guys are also macho and viking and I'm I'm gonna try not to cry, but I always I always lose it on this story because it changed my life. It this was the turning point.

So so anyway, now it's the 5th step. I'm still atheist. Got it? Follow me? Good.

I do this 5th step. He says, okay. Now this is what I want you to do. And And it says here on page 75, last paragraph, returning home, we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour. Does everybody understand what ADD is here?

ADD, attention deficit disorder? Yeah. You can't keep a a thought for a nanosecond. It's like you you you have these walls and you have these the information comes in and then it kinda sorts it out over here and then it goes through the information you need. With me, there's no walls.

It just all comes in. And that's how I run 4 companies in the United States. You know what I mean? People like, you could take a pill for that. I'm like, well, who's gonna run all these companies?

You know, because I'm always like, like this. In control most of the time. Do you see what I mean? There is an addictive pill you can take. There is an addictive pill.

I I don't wanna take it. So, anyway, I used to be very ashamed of that of that ADD, but it's been my strength. It's been my strength in in in everything I do, and I'm I'm very proud of it now. I really am. So it says returning home, you be quiet for an hour.

So an hour to a person with ADD is like 2 nanoseconds. You're like you're you're constantly looking at the watch. God. That was 30 seconds. I swear it was 30 minutes.

Right? So I think I lasted, I don't know, it seemed like 50 hours. It was probably 5 minutes. But what I did is I sat there and I contemplated on what I did and what I told this guy, which was a huge huge thing. I told this guy, when I was done with my 5 minutes of meditation But when I was done with that, I felt a part of you all.

I felt a part of you. I never felt a part of anything ever. Ever ever. And I finally felt a part of you. You are my family.

You are my gang. I knew the handshake. And that was it. Okay? But I still didn't believe in God.

Now that's how thick headed I was, but I felt great, and I felt proud of myself, and I felt relieved, and a little bit of fear went away. And it says, when I was done, it says here, carefully reading the first five proposals, we asked if we ever omitted anything. So what I do is I take my back and I go and I read the first five proposals, the first five steps. And I look at them. Do you believe that you're perilous over alcohol?

That when you put alcohol on your body, you have a craving that makes it virtually possible to stop. They say yes. Well, how was your life when you were drinking? Well, okay. But we got that one done.

The next thing is, came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. He asked me that, and I said no. He goes, okay. Let's start playing this dance again. Will you believe that AA has restored you to sanity to this point?

I said yes. He says, will you make a decision to turn your well in your life over to care of god? I said no. He says, will you make a decision to finish the rest of the steps? I said yes.

He says, did you make a searching of fearless moral inventory of yourself? I said not fearless because I was scared when I was making this, and, inventory, searching a fearless moral inventory of myself, and I had 22 pages. I mean, so you're not getting much more than that. I mean, I just destroyed the world, at least I thought I did. But half of that meant nothing.

Half of that really meant nothing. More than half of that meant nothing. And then he says, well, you just admitted to god, to yourself, and to another human being the exact nature of your own. Now go home for 1 hour, sit quietly, and thank god from the bottom of your heart that you know him better. I said, okay.

He says, now check this out. If we answer to our satisfaction so they're gonna ask you 3 questions in this 5th step. Question number 1, and it goes like this. It says, is our work solid so far? And he said, yeah.

I believe we are. Are the stones properly in place? And I said, yeah. Yeah, I believe they are. Have we skimped on the cement, put in the foundation?

Have we tried to make mortar out of sand? And then it states this on the next page, if we can answer to our satisfaction, we, time frame, then. We, then. What's then mean? We then, we next, we now, we immediately, we then look at step 6.

Okay? There's another time frame. I'm gonna show you time frames through this whole book. So the next time you go to a meeting and and I tell my sponsors, my sponsors this, I said don't start going to meetings quoting the big book. You know, people are gonna say something, you're gonna raise your hand.

That's not true. That dog tells me, you know, I'm not I'm I'm not well liked as it is in AA rooms over in America. So let's just keep it kinda hush-hush until you get some time under your belt. Then you can quote all you want. I could really care less.

But then it says, if we can answer to our satisfaction, which I just did, we then look at step 6. And in step 6, when Chris and I, when you come back from this break is it at, 3:30, the break? 330? That's what you're saying. Then what I did is I got a sheet for y'all.

Every character defects known to man on 2 sheets or woman. I'll just look at this here. K? So I have every character defect which I would like you all to fill out. Just put a little check mark to who you think you are and what you think you are.

I got 62 of them, so don't worry about it. I think I'm down to, like, 30. And they just write a little blurb, why you think you're selfish, why you think you're dishonest, why you think you're example. Now if I was a typical AA, I would just leave all your character defects. Correct?

We could beat ourselves up, can't we? But the trick is, if you love yourself, which I believe we do, I also put the opposite of it on the other side so that now you have something to strive for. I believe in visualization. I I started a restaurant. Chris came to it.

It's very big and very beautiful and it's in Charlottesville, Virginia, and it's an Amtrak train station. The Amtrak train station, which is a big train station in in the United States, was, a crack house. It was, it was abandoned, and I believed I could make that all beautiful. And I took a picture of it, and I hung it up. And I said I will have a nightclub and I'm an an alcoholic.

I'm gonna have a nightclub restaurant in there. And 3 years later, I did because and I never even worked in a restaurant, and it's it's doing very well 7 years later. But, that's another part of my story. It it took a bump there, and I was, in Chris's house when it took that bump. And he looked at me.

He goes, wow. You know? It was, it was totally amazing. I made it through without drinking. So anyway, what I'm getting at is that look at the other side.

Look at the greatness in yourself. Alright? So Chris is gonna go, you could finish up 6 and 7 like that and knock it out. I probably can. Alright.

Step 6. We've just inventoried a whole bunch of, of our character defects in in step 4. We've written out a whole lot, you know. We've, we've kind of identified a lot about the, our failure in life. There's places in both the big book and the step book, though, that gives us a warning.

And they basically say a self a self appraisal is seldom sufficient. What do they mean by that? Well, as an alcoholic, I wanna write down I wanna I wanna keep control over this inventory. I wanna keep my defects down to the minimum. I mean, sometimes we we, we exert undue influence on this process because that's just the way our egos are.

Now, but a a self appraisal is gonna be insufficient. That's really where we get, the help from a sponsor on a fist step. The sponsor is gonna give feedback. The sponsor is gonna point out some, some trades. The sponsor is gonna call you on it if, if you're not being honest with, say, column 4 in the resentment inventory, or if, you haven't gone into enough detail in the, the sex arms.

So they're gonna help you with, with understanding a little bit about your own character defects. So by the time you get to step 6, you're gonna understand a little bit more about your character defects. Now we don't wanna know what our character defects are. And I can I can prove that by giving you all an exercise? Before you come back tomorrow morning, go to the 5 people that know you most in this world and ask them to write down 10 character defects that show up in you and and how annoying they are.

Okay? Now I can prove that you don't even wanna know what your character defects are because few, if any of you, are gonna run off and do that exercise. We don't wanna know what our character defects are. Let's keep this to a minimum. Now this is where a really good this is where a really good sponsor or spiritual advisor is gonna help you.

You know, pointing out some of these character defects. Showing you where you show up in life. Now, in this book, it also goes over, that if you're of the religious persuasion where, you know, you're supposed to do confession, that that's supposed to be part of this too. I would suggest that you do that as well as not instead of. You know, if you're Catholic, you really are you're being told in this book to share this inventory with the priest.

I'd also get an alcoholic sponsor or spiritual advisor and share it with them too. Because the instructions in here are person or persons who you are gonna share this with. So it's opening up the door for us to share it with more than one person. I found multiply sharing inventories with different people is beneficial to me because of the different feedback that I get. Now in a confessional atmosphere, now I'm not Catholic but I kind of get the idea, you know, you'll as you're sharing this stuff, you'll get a lot of go on my son.

Very rarely will you get, oh, you play with yourself like that? I do that too. You know what I mean? You're just you're just not gonna get that from, from the the clergyman. So it's helpful, I believe, to, to do this with a sponsor or spiritual adviser, someone with experience with this.

Now, again, our defects of character are what block us off from God, from our fellow man, and from an effective life, from a quality life. We need to take this seriously. We need to become willing to have these defects of character removed. Now are we gonna be 100% willing to have every single defective character removed right then and there? Probably not if we're honest with ourself.

What about lust? You wanna have that completely removed? I don't know about you, but I'm putting the brakes on there. You know what I'm saying? Let's hold on a minute.