Step 1 at the CPH12 v9 convention in Copenhagen, Denmark

Hi, everybody. My name is Chris. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, everybody. My name is Doug.

I'm a recovered alcoholic. It's, really great to be here. We, we got an opportunity to tour the the city a little bit this afternoon and really, really had a good time. Really liked what we saw. We've got a great, great place here.

I'm used to New York City. I work in New York City. And I got to tell you, it's a little bit different attitude around here than it is in New York City. And I'm very, very grateful. I want to thank, thank Pally, Eric, everybody that put together, everybody that worked toward putting this together and communicated with us and, and, basically, put in the effort to make this happen.

I want to thank them very, very much. To get an opportunity to do something like this is always a pleasure and an honor, especially to be asked to speak in another country. Responsibility is kind of, kind of big when you're asked to do that. The format for tonight is we're going to do about an hour and 20 minutes, something like that on a little bit about on step 1. And then we'll have the speaker portion of the evening with a with a break in between.

Step 1, I just want to start off a little bit with with step 1. I'm gonna tell my story later tonight. So I won't get too much involved in my own personal experience. That'll show through in my story. But I do wanna, wanna just mention a little bit about, about step 1.

Step 1 is probably the most misunderstood steps in Alcoholics Anonymous. People who really think that they understand step 1 and are working step 1, don't really truly understand the step one concept of powerlessness. There's a great quote out of this book and I always, when I quote out of books, I always quote incorrectly. But it says, who among us wishes to admit complete defeat? You know, bottle in hand, we've worked our lives to such a point that only an act of divine providence could relieve us of our alcoholism.

Now that was that was written in the first step of the step book. And it's a great sentence. But what if it's true? What if it's true? What if we have warped our minds to such a degree that only an act of divine providence can relieve us of our alcoholism.

You know what an act of divine providence is? It's like god shining down out of the clouds and giving you the whammy. You know what I mean? Like, that's a heavy concept to get with. But when I when I got really involved in understanding the big book and getting an experience with the recovery process, my concept of step 1 broadened and deepened.

And in a nutshell, the obsession of the mind is I have a mind that is gonna bring me back to drinking. There's very little I can do on my own unaided will to stay separated from alcohol. If I'm powerless over alcohol, admitting powerlessness is admitting that I can't stay away from alcohol. I could have the best reasons in the world. I can have a firm resolve.

I swear I swear I'm never gonna drink again. There's, one of the places where Doug and I speak, there's there's a book, the original big book, that Bill Wilson had. And in I'm sorry, the original bible that Bill Wilson had. And in that bible is all these notations that he wrote in there to his wife. This Lois, I am never gonna drink again.

I I swear on this bible and on my soul that I'm never gonna drink again. And then right below that is, well, this time I'm never gonna really drink again. And I and then below that is, well, I'm really really really gonna try this. I mean, now, I think if if if you're alcoholic out there, you understand the concept of knowing that drinking is a really, really bad idea yet ending up drunk. Now consider for 1 minute that it's your ego that's taking credit for taking that drink.

Oh, I changed my mind about this AA thing. You know, I was just fed up or she left me or I lost the job or I got that promotion. Whatever excuse you use, isn't it really just a fallacy, that particular excuse? Because, did you ever drink when it was raining? Did you ever drink when it was sunny?

Did you ever drink when you lost a job? Did you ever drink when you got a really good job? Did you ever drink when she or he left you? Did you ever drink when he or she stayed? I mean, it it the outside circumstances really have little or no control over, why you put alcohol in your body.

But if you are alcoholic, you have what's known as an obsession that brings you back to alcohol one more time even though you know it's a bad idea. That in turn is coupled with a physical craving which, Doug talks about a lot better than me but it's basically the first drink always does one thing. It asks for the second drink. 2nd drink insists on the 3rd drink. The 3rd drink demands the 4th drink.

You want the 15th drink more than you wanted the 14th. Because the more alcohol in your body, the more the craving, the craving is present. So if you have a mind that takes you back to alcohol no matter what, and your body ensures that you keep drinking it, that's really, really bad. That's really a bad, a bad thing. And that's the first half of step 1.

Doug, you wanna talk on step 1 a little? How many people here have heard the saying? And there's a lot of sayings that really aren't true. We hear them in the states all the time because AA has gotten so watered down to where we're at somewhere about a 7 to 13% sobriety rate after a year. Where we used to be in the big book and I'll show you where it says, we used to have a 75% sobriety rate.

75% would make it past a year. That's huge. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed the path. So when I read that, I wanted to make sure I knew exactly what that path was. Being of a legal mind, I wanted to make sure that I knew all the ins and outs and I can carve this legal stuff up and find out how I could drink legally.

That's what I wanted to do. And as I learned, I couldn't drink legally because it was the first drink gets you drunk. How many heard that? The first drink is the one that gets you drunk. Well, I used to think, well, then these people are lightweights because it was normally the 18th drink that got me drunk.

It wasn't the first drink. And so what would happen with me is I didn't understand what they meant by that. And when it was clarified to me from a doctor in South Miami hospital of which, by the way, I was shipped out to this mental institution for a 28 day program and they kept me in for 72 days. And I like to tell people because they liked me so much, but that's how bad I was. Okay?

And this doctor put it like this. I I wish I had a chalkboard because I I like writing. But if you could picture, there's 4 boxes. Okay? You have 4 boxes And a non alcoholic like my wife, who's a non alcoholic, I never understand how she could have a half a glass of wine and just leave it alone.

It kinda just blow blows my mind. But what happens is when she takes a drink of alcohol, it comes in as alcohol, box number 1. Follow me? Box number 2, it turns to this thing formaldehyde, if you will. It gives you this elusiveness is, whoo.

Right? Then her body says, this is poison, shut down, no more drinking, of which she listens to her mind and she shuts down and she stops drinking. And then it turns into the barley and hops, the sugar, if you will, and then it goes, that's box 3, and then box 4, h two o, water that passes through us. Follow me? This is the way it works for us.

It comes in as alcohol. It turns to formaldehyde. We get this, whoo. And instead of our body shutting down, it's like, let's kick it up a notch. And if this made me feel one drink, 20 is gonna make me feel 20 times better.

Right? So, now we're just drinking. But what happens is our 3rd box is not the barley and hops. Our 3rd box is a codeine like substance that transmits in our mind. It it actually forms a fluid.

Only us have that codeine like substance in our mind that produces the more, more, more, more, more, more. And we are restless, irritable, and discontent. And so we can feel the sense of these at once taken by another drink, another drink. And that's what's talked about in the big book. Okay?

I think you all have experienced that. If not, then you're not an alcoholic because you could stop anytime or moderate. I couldn't. Once I put the alcohol in my body and went to alcohol formaldehyde, then I went to this codeine like substance which I will always have. I crossed the line.

How many people say I crossed that line? It's like losing a leg. You can never get it back. Once it goes to once it goes to that codeine like substance, then it goes to the barley and hops, then it goes to the water and then we're out. Okay.

When that was mentioned to me, when the actual medical part was mentioned to me like that on how we have crossed the line and we produce a codeine like substance, which is the most addictive substance in our mind by taking one drink. So what really wasn't the 20th drink? It wasn't that everybody was such a lightweight and they could only have one drink and then they were drunk. It was that when I took the one drink, when I took that first drink, it was virtually impossible for me to stop. Now there may have been some occasions where I did stop.

I don't remember ever trying, but I might have once or twice because see, I knew I just couldn't stop drinking. That's ridiculous. Why would I do that to myself? If I ever get a phone call in the middle of the night and the guy's drunk, I'm like, he's like, do you want me to stop? I'm like, no.

Why? What? Are you crazy? You're gonna be restless, irritable, and discontent. Drink yourself to sleep and stop yes.

Finish it up. Stop calling me. Gonna hang up. Call me when you're sober. Alright.

Because most of the stuff coming out of their mouth is gonna be a lie anyway. That is the step one that I have. Okay? It says, we admitted we were powerless and I wanna make this statement right now and I hope I'm making this on tape. I am not powerless over people, places, and things.

I am not. I have a God that I will show you in step 2 that gives me unlimited amounts of power in my life. Okay? That's why I've been so successful in most of the things that I've done in my life. In sobriety.

I crushed that in drinking, but insobriety because I believe in this power that we have, our inner power, our inner god that gives me unlimited power. I am powerless over that alcohol. Once it comes in, it forms the codeine. That, I'm powerless over. But I'm not powerless over people, places, and things.

I'm not. If I don't like you, I don't hang out with you. If I don't like a place, I move. Okay? That thing, I haven't figured out what that was, but it's kind of a saying that we all use.

Perilous over people, places, and things. So, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna dispel and I'm gonna dispel a lot of the the the verbiage that we use here in AA. That's just not true. It's not in the big book. It's not our original founders and what they've meant to say.

It's not. And and why I go on all these speaking engagements is because what I like to do is I'm very mechanical when it comes to the steps. I have gone through this once. I have not in 13 years found any reason to drink, and I've been through a boatload of bad stuff. I've been through unbelievable amounts of good stuff.

So for those of you who see this, you'll see step 1 on this form right here, and it explains what I just talked about. This is right out of the big book. I've come up with the 12 steps in the form over my years, right out of the big book. If you're interested in this, Pazie said that he would email it to you for tomorrow, so you could print it out. Okay?

It also has daily inventories. It has all the, step worksheets for you right out of the big book. Okay? I'm more than happy to share that with you. So that is that's my experience right now.

The unmanageability, that's easy. That that was a piece of cake. And I'll tell you that in my story. After the dash. Okay.

Think about the first step. We admit we were powerless over alcohol. Dash that our lives have become unmanageable. Now what does that mean? What does that mean to you?

One of the things that is very, very important in step 1 is for you to get your own truth about step 1. Without your own you need to fully concede your innermost self. So without your own concept of your truth with powerlessness, you're not gonna have the motivation or the fuel to motor through the rest of the steps. You just you you'll run out of enthusiasm for working the program. However, if you if you are an alcoholic and you fully concede to your innermost self that you're an alcoholic, you're going you're gonna get through the steps.

You're going to be consistent with meetings and you're going to sponsor other people and find service commitments. You're just going to do that because you're going to see that that's your best chance of survival. That's your best chance of any quality of life. Because here's the here's the here's the piece in quality of life after the dash that our lives have become unmanageable. Now when I was first in Alcoholics Anonymous, I thought it was about the cars, the crash in the cars, or the family leaving me, or, you know, the cops always hassling me, or, There was a whole bunch of different problems that I had in my life.

And I thought that was the unmanageability. Yeah, my life has become unmanageable. It's hard for me to get a job. But, you know, I I don't have a driver's that that can be looked on as unmanageability, surely. But that's I'm gonna list a few things that are found in the book Alcoholics Anonymous to talk to our unmanageability.

And if any of these resonate with you, if you say, oh, yeah. I have that. Understand that you have work to do in Alcoholics Anonymous because unless it's a clinical issue, most of most alcoholics have situational issue issues. As long as it's not a clinical issue, the treatment for alcoholism treats these problems. Restlessness, irritability, discontent.

Does anybody relate to that? How about resentment? You know, really being pissed at people for long periods of time. We don't let go of it. We're gonna get them.

Might take us 2 or 3 years, but we're gonna get them. That's like a deep resentment. Depression, anxiety, self centered fear and anxiety are kind of the same thing. Just not feeling comfortable with yourself or your environment. You just don't you just can't step out and go do the things that you know you would really, really should do, or or, you just don't you feel like staying home and pulling the covers over your head a lot of times.

Now that's, that's a view of some of the unmanaged personal relationships. We have problems with personal relationship. We can't seem to keep friends or or to not have our family mad at us or neighbors. We're always in conflict with people. Okay?

Now those are, kind of a picture of the unmanageability that we suffer when we're sober if we're an alcoholic. Okay. I'm not talking about when we're drinking. I'm talking about if we're alcoholic without a recovery process. That's the type of unmanageability that we suffer from when we're not drinking.

It can happen when we're drinking. But mainly, what happens with alcoholics is sobriety becomes untenable because a lot of those things are present in our lives. And it just makes us uncomfortable. We just wanna escape it. We wanna escape from the bondage of self that it talks about in AA.

Now toward the end of chronic drinking, some of the unmanageability is the hideous 4 horsemen terror, bewilderment, frustration, despair, suicidal, thoughts. You know, I could go on and on and on. This really is the unmanageability that is brought about by alcoholism. If you're truly alcoholic, depending on where you are on the scale of alcoholism, you can suffer from these things. Now, make no do not kid yourself.

The things that I've just talked about, there's a treatment for them. If it's if you are suffering from those things because you're alcoholic, the treatment process for alcoholism the 12 steps treats those disorders. And you and I'm not saying you can completely eliminate them from your life, but they can be overcome. The emotional attachment and the emotional pain that we suffer from a lot of these things, we can move past. And we can become happy, joyous, and free.

Now that's something I didn't understand when when I came into AA. I just I was so sick. I just wanted to separate from alcohol. If I could have separated from alcohol, I would have been fine. But the problem was not alcohol.

The problem was alcoholism. And with alcoholism comes emotional, spiritual, mental deterioration that just causes uncomfortability and unmanageability across the board. I didn't understand that. And a lot of times, we can't understand it until we start to engage in the recovery process. You're so sick.

You don't know how sick you are. There's one thing that I always say well, I do a lot of, work in in treatment centers. So a lot of a lot of speaking in treatment centers, detoxes, rehabs, etcetera. And, I'll hit it right between the eyes because it says in this book, if we've disturbed you about your alcoholism or if you've disturbed the new man about his alcoholism, this is all to the good. Because you need the truth.

For you to be able to fully concede to your innermost self whether or not you're alcoholic, you need the truth. You need to know what that looks like. What does alcoholism look like? If you asked a 100 people on the street, what is alcoholism? You get a 100 different answers.

Well, that's a bum on the Bowery or that's somebody who's drinking too much. You know and none of these none of these are really the correct answer of what alcoholism is. Alcoholism is mental, spiritual, physical. It's an obsession of the mind. It's an allergy of the body.

It's unmanageability that goes across one's life. That's really what alcoholism is. And certainly, alcohol is present and involved. But more as a solution, more as a solution to the emotional conditions that we have. And it becomes an obsessive solution to the emotional problems that we have.

We drink when we don't want to drink. Somehow, unconsciously, we believe that we can overcome some of these problems by drinking and so we drink. Now, because we are in here's the 2 things that I believe are really true. If you're new, if you haven't gone through the steps yet, if you're back from a relapse, there's 2 things about you that are very, very true that you're not gonna fully believe. One of them is you're in way more trouble than you think you are.

However much trouble you think you're in, multiply it by 10 and you'll be getting close to how much trouble you're really in. Okay, and I don't care if you haven't had a drink for 10 years if you haven't gone through the steps you're in real trouble. The other thing that's true that you don't believe is that Alcoholics Anonymous has a much larger solution to your problems than you're giving it credit for. Going through the 12 steps and being then being of service answers more problems than your problems drinking. That it's gonna answer your problems with the unmanageability of your life, the quality of your life.

We're not going to promise that you're going to make more money but we are going to promise that you're going to be a lot happier about whatever you're making. We're not going to promise that you're going to get better relationships with, but we can promise that you're gonna enjoy the relationships you have at a deeper, and and, and more beneficial level. So if if you have any of this unmanageability that I talked about, please consider that there's a recovery process for it. And if you go from one side to the other, you will not come back to me and say, Chris, you lied. You're gonna come back to me and say, I never even knew.

I've been in I've been in a 12 step program all these years, and I never ever understood what the steps could really do. That's what you'll probably say. Because Alcoholics Anonymous is experiential. You can memorize this book and still be really sick. This is information that needs to be experienced.

There's 2 ways to learn. 1 is intellectual and 1 is experiential. You can learn this book intellectually and it won't feed the recovery process. But if you learn this book intellect experientially, if you actually do what it says to do, you'll experience the recovery process. Saying number 2 for dark tunnel AAers as we call them in the United States.

How many people have heard this? Don't drink, go to meetings. That's all they hear. Don't drink, go to meetings. Do they say that out here?

Don't drink, go to meetings. Okay? How many people have heard this? Number 3. This is a selfish program.

Okay? So this is what I heard. Here's this newcomer that comes in in 1995, the most selfish person on the earth. I come in. I hear, don't drink.

Go to meetings. This is a selfish program. I'm like, sign me up. I am the most selfish SOB, you know. And I would look at my then first wife and say, this is a selfish program and and I'm gonna go to my 9th meeting today.

Yeah. I mean, come on, really? And I was working a selfish program. And then I was doing the not drinking, going to meetings. As a real alcoholic, as as defined on page 21, real alcoholic.

I'll read it to you. I'm one of those. As a real alcoholic on page 21, I need a solution that has weight and depth. Following me so far? So I'm listening to this don't drink, go to meetings, don't drink, go to meetings, don't drink, go to meetings.

So I'm not drinking, go to meetings. I'm working a selfish program. So what's happening? I got step number 1 down, admitted I was powerless over alcohol, my life was crazy. It wasn't even unmanageable.

It passed from unmanageable to crazy. But all the driving while intoxicated stopped. All the beatings of other people stopped. All the fights stopped, but I just was not drinking and going to meetings. So my whole inside is just tore up.

So this was my great game plan. After 90 days in America, we get these little trinkets, these gift cards or whatever you wanna call them for not drinking. Isn't that great? So, I wanted to pick up that green chip. That's all I wanted.

And so, after 90 days, I was gonna pick up my 90 day chip because then I proved to all you that I was an alcoholic. Everyone's off my back, although I just lost a killer job. Everybody's off my back. And so I'm sitting there in the chair like this, you know, and they're about ready to give out the chips because from there, I was going to this thing called 5 Point Liquors. I I was gonna go out drinking because I made it to 90 days.

Now in Florida, we have this beautiful thing. It's called drive through liquor stores. So when you're too drunk to get out of the car, you drive through. So you know how the they knew when I was coming, I'd hit my headlights up against the wall just to make sure it's close enough, and then I pull up to the window. And I'd roll down and she's like, hey, you're having a good night?

And I'd be like, So I was leaving that meeting after 90 days, and I was gonna go get liquor. Because I was not drinking going to meetings. That's all I was doing. So, You were drinking and go to meetings. Alright.

But I held I wasn't drinking. You know, I had the white fist, you know, food and everybody I wasn't drinking. So I thought to myself, okay, I'm going out. This guy comes up to me, my first sponsor, and still my sponsor to this day. And as I'm running out the door, I'm like, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm I'm just I'm just, like, trying to get through this crowd of people. They're all congratulating me for not drinking.

Thanks. And and so the one guy comes up to me, says, you know, you're acting a little more strange than usual. And I look at him, like, that's pretty damn strange. And he says to me, let me tell you something. He says, why don't you come over my house on Tuesdays Thursdays and I'll bring you through the program of recovery.

The program of recovery? What do you think I've been doing for the last 90 days? I've been going to 3 meetings, a day because I'm unemployed. You've been dragging me to these jails and these institutions and with all these homeless people, you know, all the stuff. And he says to me, you've been working a fellowship which is this right here.

You have not been working the program of recovery, which is this right here. So I said, if you come over my house on Tuesdays Thursdays at 8 o'clock, because I know you're unemployed great. I felt great already. Right? He says, and bring your big book.

If you come late, don't knock on the door. If you lie to me once, you're out. We understood. And I'm like, you arrogant. So, anyway, I won't say it on tape.

So I had a few choice words, and I was like, you know what? I'll show you this stuff doesn't work. Right? So I started working the steps with him. The first thing he said to me was this.

On the preface, it says as we were talking about a solution, it says because this book here that's kinda beat up. This book here is the basic text for our society has helped such large number of alcoholics, men and women, to recovery. Okay? A textbook, folks, is a a book that needs to be taught. Now this is this is the example that I give to my sponsors.

I'm I know I look young. I'm a retired airline captain for one of the airlines in the United States. I I don't wanna mention it on tape because the stock market will probably crash if I tell you my story and what I used to do with that airline. But I was a captain, pilot and, yeah. Wait Wait till you hear my story.

You're gonna love this one. Hope you're not afraid of flying. Hope you're not afraid of flying. This is gonna make it much worse. It is.

So I would say, okay. Let's say I gave you a 7 37 flight manual, and I say, here you go. This is a textbook. Go home and read it, and come see me after 30 days. How many sponsors in the United States do that?

They kill more people than smallpox. They go, go read this. Tell me what you think. Read the first step every day for a year. Yeah.

Whatever. So I was in a rehab and the guy goes, here, read this book and then tell me what you think. Okay? I was in the rehab. I read the whole 164 pages in 8 hours.

I call them up. I'm like, I don't understand this book. That guy Bill, he's a loser. I don't drink anything like him, and and what I don't understand this 1 through 12 stuff. He goes, read it again till you understand it.

Well, he's telling me this because he doesn't understand the book. He wants me to explain it to him. I'm in a loony bin. I'm not gonna explain this to him. Right?

It's a textbook. It's a textbook. It needs to be taught. It's a basic text for us, Sonny. Back to the analogy.

I give you my 737 flight manual. Alright? And I say, Palsy, go read this 737 flight manual. Come back and see me. You come back, you're like, I don't understand it.

I put you into the left seat of that airplane. I'm like, okay. Spark it up. Let's go to America. You you'd look at me like, are you crazy?

Well, that's like this book. This book needs to be taught, and it's very important it needs to be taught. The next thing is in the forward to the first edition right here, it says, we of Alcoholics Anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered. Recovered. Not recovering.

Past tense. It's over. We recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. The mind and body is what I've told you about, the craving that craving that craving that Chris was talking about. I'm not gonna drink.

If you hook me up to a lie detector, I would swear and pass that I was not gonna drink. But then 5 o'clock comes, I'm like, I'm out of here. Let's go have some toddies. Let's have a couple cocktails, couple pints, whatever you say here. Alright?

It says, then once I put that beer into my system, the body's over with. The race is over. I'm going out. I'm a done deal. Just drink until it's all over.

So it says because it says we have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body to show other alcoholics precisely, and it's in little squiggly lines, precisely meaning exactly how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. So I have a main purpose of this book. I'm gonna show you precisely, exactly how these people have recovered. Why aren't we all screaming this from the hilltops? Why aren't we all teaching this?

I don't get it. Not being very bright is a gift. I believe it's a gift. Being a retired airline captain, I had another gift. I was very good at checklists.

My first officer would read something. I'd say check. Check. Check. Okay?

When we didn't do the recheck, recheck, I would always make a mistake. I'm telling you, we didn't make too many mistakes in the air because I'm still here. People are like, oh my god. I gotta go flying tomorrow. Okay?

So it's a checklist. I'm able to follow this checklist, and I believe that's why I came in here just once. It's sure not because I'm better looking than you. All you all are gorgeous. This country is beautiful, isn't it?

Beautiful country. And I'm definitely not smarter than anybody in this room. It's because I was given a checklist and this checklist I followed. Okay? And when it said to me that I had a that I I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and what it does to my body and that my life was unmanageable even after 90 days of sobriety, not drinking, going to meetings, for a real alcoholic, if you tell him just don't drink, go to meetings, just give him a gun.

Tell him to put it to his head and pull the trigger because nothing's gonna change. The fights may stop. The DWIs driving while intoxicated may stop. Walking around Copenhagen naked may stop, But the inner pain will not stop. I promise you that.

That is the worst pain. Is it not? That is the worst pain that we go to, is that emotional sobriety that Chris was talking about. So what I would like for everybody to walk away here today is I'm gonna give you all these little nice little quotes. Think, think, think.

Don't think, don't think. Don't drink. Go to meetings. There's a million of them. Okay?

And then I'm going to dispel them and show you what the big book says about that. And, that's that. You're next. One of the things, just talk a little bit about the history of Alcoholics Anonymous Network. For many, many years I studied as much as I could find on the history of Alcoholics Anonymous in the early days.

Now for the first 15 or so years of of AA until the book, the 12 steps and 12 traditions was written, Alcoholics Anonymous was different. And how it was different was this. You were, if you were a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous and that that's what they called you if you were somebody who would they were trying to land. You were a prospect. If you were landed, you were then a protege.

They've got a a habit of calling people all kinds of names, you know, pigeons, babies, sponsors. Sponsors I use. But but anyway, they they called the the new person the prospect and then, if if the person who started to work the steps, they were then a protege. But anyway, if you were a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, you got checked out. Whoever was bringing you in, it was they were they were kind of in charge of making sure that you were a real alcoholic.

And they would do that by asking you questions. However, each person would identify you. But they made sure that there were strong, strong drinking issues. And then they started you on the steps. Now, there were some groups that had beginners meetings because they were growing so fast that the 1 on 1 sponsorship wasn't possible.

But more often than not, it was, you know, it was, one man bringing another person through the steps or a handful of people bringing somebody through the steps. Now, then you were brought to the meetings. So you were offered the program of recovery and then you were offered the fellowship when they knew you were serious. When they knew you were serious because you had to be pretty serious to start working the steps. You know, pay the money back.

You know, I mean, you had to be serious. Now what changed around the time of the 12 steps and 12 traditions was, was AA had become very, very big. They opened the doors of AA with the traditions. An honest desire to stop drinking was the only requirement for membership in AA. They couldn't keep you out if you said you had a desire to stop drinking.

You were allowed in the meetings. Now that changed everything. I'm not and I'm not saying for bad. I'm not saying for good. It opened the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous.

But also what it did was it made it okay for you to come to the fellowship before you got the program. So you were allowed to come into meetings and not you weren't forced to, participate in the recovery process like you were several years earlier. So what happened was, that created that created the dry drunk syndrome. Now, the dry drunk syndrome is basically someone who really is alcoholic, who's not living life along spiritual lines like it talks about in this book. Now, Doug has great analogies.

I wanna use an analogy here too. We flew over we flew over, on, one of the most one, Scandinavian Air. One of the most wonderful flights I've ever experienced in my life. The service was unbelievable. The American carriers, they, like, throw a bag of peanuts at you from the front of the plane.

You know? I mean, we were, like, waited on. It was unbelievable. Yeah. That drunk pilot's fine over there.

Yeah. Yeah. They got they got, like like, Doug after a couple of toddies, you know. Landing the plane with the oxygen mask coming down. So but, anyway, this was a this was a great this was a great, experience.

To get back to my, analogy, let's say all you ever did was go to the airport and sit in the terminal and talk about flying and what it would be like to fly and what it would be like when you got there. And day after day, you kept going to the airport and sitting in the terminal, but you never got on a plane. Well, that's what's happening in Alcoholics Anonymous today. People are coming into the meetings and they're talking about recovery. And they're saying they're they're talking about the steps.

And and you know what? They they're they've never really gone through the steps. What we're gonna ask you to do in this workshop this weekend is to get on a plane. Okay? Get off your ass.

Go down the the what's it called? A gangplank? Are we gonna say what you just said? I hope so. Anyway, Jetway.

Jetway. Get on the walk down the Jetway and get on the plane because I'll tell you there's some really, really wonderful things in store for you. Here's another analogy that I'll use, in case you're, too intellectual to get the simpler one. Let's say you're a calculus student. Okay?

And you've taken calculus, and you're in the calculus class, and you like to go there, and you like to like to read the calculus book, and and and go go out to the diner after the calculus class and talk about calculus and and, you know, just hang out with all the calculus people. But you never open up the book and you never do any of the exercises. So you can never solve any of the problems. Well, that's what happens in Alcoholics Anonymous a lot today too. There are people that go into the meetings and they read the book and they talk and they go out to the diner afterward, but they've never gone through these exercises, so they can't solve their own problems.

They keep having problem after problem after problem. Have you ever gone to, the discussion meetings where the same person shares the same problems? It's just recycling the problem du jour gets recycled time and time again. And there's no there's seemingly no no progress, no spiritual progress in the individual. That's That's what's happening in Alcoholics Anonymous, surely in the United States.

And there's a renaissance going on, getting back to the basics, back to, the principles in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. And again, that's that's something that we wanna be a part of. But, for tonight, what, what I certainly would, would recommend for everyone, this will be my exercise. Doug may may may also have an exercise. But I want you to really be honest with yourself and ask yourself three questions.

You know, is it my experience that I've, the mental obsession has been operative in my life? Have I really, really sworn off alcohol and then ended up back on it? Have I known to the depths of my soul that drinking alcohol was a really, really bad idea, but I did it anyway? Ask yourself those questions. Then ask yourself, once I started to drink, like I went out for 2 and I ended up closing the place down, or when I'm drinking with my friends, I always seem like I'm a I get a lot more drunk than they do.

That's the physical craving. Ask yourself, do you have that? Is that your experience? And then ask yourself, do you experience restlessness, irritability, discontent, self centered fear, resentment, depression, anxiety, remorse, shame, guilt. Do do you experience any of that stuff not drinking?

And does it seem like when you drink, you can escape that for a short period of time? Ask yourself those those questions because that'll speak to your unmanageability. If you can admit to those three things, it's not good news. You don't come walking away from step 1. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. I'm an alcoholic. Because it's a death sentence. It's a death sentence unless well, we're gonna talk about step 2 a little bit tomorrow. But that would be, that would be my my exercise, for each individual in here.

If you choose to do it, you know, there's not gonna be a a test. You know, I, I've had the absolute pleasure of I have a guy by the name of Joe p. He he lives I have a home in Virginia, also. And and Joe p, at 10 years sobriety, heard me speak. At that time, I think I had 3, maybe 4 years of sobriety.

And I was speaking as I am now because when I was given the message after 90 days of the book, I was the biggest pain in everybody's butt because all I was doing was getting in your face. See the big book. I know why you drank because you didn't do the steps and no one wanted me to sponsor them and I couldn't understand why. You know? My sponsor says, because you're an asshole, that's why.

And so as the spirituality came along, I kinda calmed down. I let each person live their own life. But I took this guy, Joe p, through the steps, and he got a huge spiritual awakening. And after the night step, he started crying, and he said to me, how come no one has showed me this? And I said to him, well, maybe you just weren't listening, or maybe there's not enough of us around to help bring this message to the masses.

A year after he did the steps, his wife walked up to me. I I, I was showing a party, and his wife walked up to me crying saying, thank you for the new husband. I can't tell you how many times I've seen that. So the bad news is if you're sitting there with restless, irritable discontent and your own skin now in sobriety whether you have 90 days, a year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, Well, that that kind of stinks for you. But the good news is the good news is you are gonna learn the solution as written in the big book.

How many people have heard pink cloud? Do they have it over here? I'm on a pink cloud. It's a pink cloud. It's not a pink cloud folks.

I've been on a 13 year God consciousness. My life is so unbelievable that I breathe rainbows. Even when it's bad, it's great. Do you understand? I'm dead serious about this.