The How It Works CA Group's 10th Anniversary in Plymouth, UK

And now Mike's gonna share for us. Mike and I'm an addict. Hi, Mike. Hi. Before I start, I'll note that she wants to get a drink there, Brett.

Do you wanna for like, you see, he's got this problem. You see, he has one glass of water and this phenomenon of craziness. He's just got to have another. Yeah. You okay, bro?

I'm I'm Mike, and I'm an addict. I know. What what a fantastic meeting. Thank you very much for everyone, all the visitors, and I've come down. Rene, come and share, Rick come and share, and, what a great meeting.

I was listening to the shares there, and I was thinking, you know, there's a couple of differences going on here. You know, Ronnie, you know, I've difference with between me and you there is, you know, I love talking. You know, I've got 15 minutes to talk about your favorite subject, me. Excellent. Yeah.

I mean, you know, there there are differences, but the one thing that that makes me an addict, the the one thing that that I've got in common with the rest of our sheriffs tonight is that, well, you know, I made a joke about breath with the water, but but that's exactly it with me. I've I've got this. I take one drug, one drink, whatever it may be, and this phenomenon of craving. I've I've got no control over it. There's no way I know how much I'm gonna use.

If I have one, it's anyone's guess where I'm gonna stop. You know? An an example of it being, I've one night, I've I've been in in another treatment center. I've done 11 of them altogether. I was yeah.

Another one, and, I've come out, and I was doing okay, you know, The 5 days and I go to the self help group thing, you know. I just gotta stay 5 days. I'll be alright. I'll be alright. And it was my sister's birthday and went up the pub with her own.

People were saying, well, my cunt no. No. No. I can't. I can't.

I'm an alcoholic. You know, I was identifying myself as an alcoholic and an addict, and I said, I can't. I'm an alcoholic. And all these guys were saying, no. No.

You're you're you're alright. You're like us. Yeah. Exactly. You know, but I I didn't have a drink.

I stayed there all night. I can celebrate my sister's birthday with her, and then it got the last orders. And I thought, well, that's it then. I'm alright. I can I can just have one drink with her because it's last orders?

I won't be able to have anymore. And from that one drink, I lost a year of my life. I ended up living in a shed, you know. I I woke up basically with the DTs. I was back on heroin again, and and that was kind of typical of me.

If I use, I've got no idea. You know, this was I'm just gonna have one drink, and that was it. I lost the year. And I and I was kind of baffled. You know, there was some understanding that I was gaining.

Like I said, I've been into a lot of places, and there there was some understanding I was gaining. You know, as total absence. So a total absence for you, not for me. I still wanna do, you know, I wanna have a bit of puff or I wanna have a drink, you know, whatever. You know, get rid of this problem.

I'm alright with that. And the same thing every time I come out, I I a bit of puff, I'd have a bit of puff. Within the space of an an hour, I'll be back on the gear again. You know? And and that was me all the way through.

I took 10 years of this, and it started getting to the point of, getting to the point of wanting wanting all the misery out of my life. The misery was in my head, you know, that all the stuff that was going on. I mean, I I couldn't have somebody say, alright, Mike, to me. You know? I I was dealing.

People would come right. They'd walk in the door. Alright, Mike. And why? What have you heard?

The paranoia was rife. You know, everyone was able to get me. You that, you know, I I had this overwhelming feeling that, you know, every there was a hidden meaning behind behind everything that was being said. You were all out to get me. It was a conspiracy.

And, blimey, you know, I've gotta use drugs. It's the only relief I've got, and that's how it went for years. You know? And along the way, you know, I mean, there were the couple of mentions about churches there and marriage, you know, that reminded me of this is this is typical of me, you know. It's my dad's getting married again, and I'm thinking, right.

Okay. I'll make the effort. I'll make the effort with my dad. I'll be there. I'll, you you know, celebrate his wedding with him.

I'll put all the difference into one side, you know, all the rise and everything. And I happen to get over a big bag of barbiturates, and they they were mine. You know, I'm not selling these. These are mine, and I've been drinking with these barbiturates. And I completely forgot about this wedding.

And the next thing I know, my dad's tapping on the door. It's this this Saturday morning. He's tapping on the door. He's Will you get yourself ready? Get away.

Everybody's down there. They're all down to church, and there's, you know so I'm walking into this church, my dad's wedding night. It's horrendous thinking back on it. I'm walking to the church. I'm a wreck.

The right mass. I haven't had a chance to change. I'm dirty. I'm stinking. I'm falling all over the place, and I'm walking in behind the bride.

They're playing, here comes the bride, and now she's walking with this big, long, white trail behind her, and I'm staggering behind her with a 4 pack in my hand, you know. Absolutely ruined the wedding, got her the reception, and I've ended up head butting this bloke. And he said, so I don't know what he meant by by news getting at me. So I've had bite him. He's on the floor bleeding.

They won't serve me any more beer. They said you've had enough. I well, if I can and if any nobody else can, so I went the chairs across the octaves. And kind of that's, you know, another, like, a little difference. Rip their arm, relax, I'm chilled out.

I go, I'm knocking people out in weddings. I'm putting the octaves through. You know? But, you know, that that's kind of how it went. You know?

There there there was a period where that was it. I can't go out. It's it's just it's just outrageous the way I'm viewing, so so I wanted to stay home. And, that was it. It was I mean, I've just described the life of misery.

You know? It was a nightmare awake. It was horrendous when I cleaned up, and it was, you know, it worked. It it was horrendous using, and it was even worse when I cleaned up. You know, it was it was just a total nightmare.

And there were times when I would go out and just use because I just couldn't stand living in my own head anymore. You know? It was it was much more comfortable to be unconscious. And I came to the fellowship. And, you know, listening to you lot tonight, I would have just been sat there thinking, what a bunch of liars.

You're either liars or you ain't nothing like me because, you're talking about being happy. You're talking about this this wonderful life you've got and good relationships with your family and getting married. Yeah. Well, yeah, you know, that you just don't you you either you're liars or you ain't like me. You don't understand my problem.

I just could not hear. I was looking all the time for the differences. I couldn't hear that similarity. When I start using, a phenomenon of craving develops, and I have to use more. You know, I just did not hear.

I mean, I'm sure it was said, but I was just incapable at that time of being able to pick up that message until eventually eventually, I was beat. And, you know, I still didn't believe that. I still thought, you know, you're all different than me, but it was it was my last hope. You know, I said I've been sectioned off a few times. I've been in nice 7 7 times, the centers, etcetera, etcetera, and basket weaving and acupuncture and all the rest of it, and nothing was working.

And when I got here, I thought, well, I'll give it a go. You know, somebody said, I promise you I can't remember which one of our shares. I promise you you can have this live too. And I heard that message, I promise you. And my attitude was is I'm gonna have a go at this, and you've made me a promise.

You better be able to keep it. This guy presented me with some suggestions. He was asking me to pray. I didn't know what to pray to. I have no no concept of any god or whatever, And, he's he said 2 important things to me.

1 was, I've got enough faith for both of us. It doesn't matter. I've got enough faith for both of us. And the other thing that he said was, I really don't care. Pray to the back of your eyelids for all I care.

You put the actions in, and you will get the results. Outrageous. Pray those back tomorrow, listen. Do you know what? I've been seeing all these professionals.

This was going off in my head, but he he presented me this stuff. He said, just do it. You know, start getting grateful. You know, Renny touched on it. Get grateful for what you got.

Stop looking at what you haven't got. Get grateful for what you've got. Get grateful for the things that you perceive is going wrong in your life. Phone people up. Phone me up.

Get to a meeting. He he he laid out a simple process that I could start there and then, and he said, this will change you. And I went away thinking, right. I'm gonna have a go at this, and I'll be back next week, mate. God help you.

God help you when it don't work. I went away, and I did what I could that night. You know, it it started me off on my step 1, 2, and 3, basically. And, I did what I could that night. And everywhere I've been, even when I've been going into different places or seeking different help, I've been going in with this full conviction of never never ever do I wanna use again.

Never do I wanna put my family through that again. My my daughter has just gone through murders for me. I do not wanna do this anymore. And at the back of my mind, there'd be this little thing of I know I'm gonna use. I know I'm gonna use.

My history's showing me that. I cannot control my thinking. As soon as the thought comes in around drugs, I'm as good as stone. But I did these things. I did these simple things, and there was this overwhelming feeling of, I'm alright.

I'm alright. I've just gotta keep doing this. I've just gotta do whatever this man said to me. Whatever he says, I'll do it. And I and I I honestly hand on hand put put myself to that.

I am gonna do it. And, there were some bits that I didn't wanna do, and I sort of, you know, dragged me feet with it through the program. But he encouraged me every step of the way. He said, just do this, Mike. Don't think about it.

Just do it. And a whole new world opened up for me. You know, one of the things one of the things he said to me was keep it simple. Keep this as simple as you can. We're complicated people, and we like to complicate things.

Keep this simple. You know, if you've got a problem in your life, turn to your program, turn to the suggestions I give to you. This will resolve all of your problems. And I'm I'll read this book because, this this is a I don't often use this book. I bought this book, and it's been used very rarely.

But this is one of the things that I highlighted. That that's not to say that I don't really I just thought I said that. I've got one of these. If any of my sponsors in in area, let me say, you know, you don't need to read that look. I don't read it, then run away from me.

You know, instead of I'm a dangerous person when that happens. But yeah. This is one of the things that, you know, I mean, it's from this one of the stories here. And so a willingness to do whatever I was told to do simplify the program for me, you know. And that that was it for me, you know.

I I was complicating things in my effort. He said, keep it simple, and that was it for me. A willingness to do whatever I was told simplify the program for me. I heard somebody say the other day, when my sponsor says jump, I say, AI. And the the immediate thought of my egg was, when my sponsor says jump, I say, was that high enough?

That's the next thing out of my mouth, you know. I because my head would argue with him. He's wrong. He's completely wrong. Study the AA book.

Don't just read it. That's what I was told to do. I don't just read this book, Mike. Have a look at it. You know, there's a lot in there.

More will be revealed, you know, and I see that in this book. They told me to go to meetings. They said get active. So I asked you whenever I could, and I still do. This was all stuff this guy was telling me to do.

Get the means and get yourself a home group. You know? And, that's what I did. I just did the simple things that he instructed me to do. And from day 1 from day 1, I did half of those suggestions.

I could only do half of them because it was the evening. The obsession had left me, and it's never been back again. It was just a simple process of keep doing these things on a daily basis. I hated meetings. I hated everyone in them for 3 months as well, you know, and I I was on the phone to the sponsor, and I was and I know who's gonna share next, and he's gonna share that, and then she'll come in.

I hate her. I hate all of you. And he just stopped me in my tracks, and he said, why are you still coming, Mike? And it stumped me because my thinking don't go that far. My thinking goes as far as the resentments.

You know? I hate them. And he says, why are you still going? And I had to stop and think about it. The only answer I could come up with was because it's working.

It's working. I haven't thought of drugs. I am getting happier despite my ramblings here. I am getting happier. He said, that's all that matters.

Just keep coming. You will love these meetings. And I thought, well, that's one thing that ain't gonna happen. I ain't gonna love these meetings. Everything he said has come true, and I absolutely absolutely love these meetings.

You know? It's given me a life. It's given me a life beyond my wildest dreams. I thought I was different than all you lot. I thought, you know, you haven't got the thoughts going on that I've got.

You haven't got the crazy thinking that I've got. You haven't you haven't got the problem that I've got. I can't stop. No matter what, I cannot stop. When I opened my ears and just said, what do I do?

And this guy said, do this, and I did it. That obsession left. I found out that I was like you lot, and let's say, a new world opened up for me. You know, pray to the back of your eyelids. You know, Rene talked a lot there about god.

I had absolutely no belief in anything whatsoever. Prayed at the back of my eyelids. As time's gone on, one of the other promises I was given is you you will develop a a concept of your own higher power, and it will grow. So long as you practice at this, you know and one of the certain it says in this book, one of the certainties is that god has entered into my life in a way that's indescribably one. I know for certain that I've got a god in my life.

He's doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. I've got continued sponsorship because I've got the type of ad that can come up with an idea and I can manipulate it so God's actually saying, yeah. That's a good idea, mate. So I've got a sponsor that I check things out with. Thanks, Brett.

I've got 10 minutes left. I've got I've got I've got a sponsor that I can just run those things by. You know, 90% of the time you say to me, yeah, that sounds a good idea. You know, 5% of the time, you'll just open up a bigger picture for me and say, okay. Make your choices.

And there's the odd time when they say, no. You're back and leave it alone. You know? But, today, I've I've I have got an absolutely wonderful life. It's it's great to be here tonight.

I've just sort of given that little bit of correction of my it's it's our 10 year anniversary of the Howard Works Group, not not of CA. I think our archivist. We got 2 archivists in here tonight. 25 years of it, CA. 25 years, CA.

But 10 years of How It Works Group. And, it's great to see you all here, and thank you very much for making it a great meeting. Alright. Catch you. Bye.