The Spiritual Awakenings Group in Bernardsville, NJ

But, anyway, I I I am absolutely so, so happy that that Chris came came up here to speak. You all are really in for a treat. Chris, come on. I'd just say, you know, you might be right and sit down. That's what I ought to do.

My name is Chris Kramer. I'm a very grateful recovered alcoholic. And, and I hate to make people uncomfortable. I feel like it changed one thing in my life, it would be it. Hate it.

I'm so sick of being the bad guy at your peak. But a bunch of y'all won't be the bad guy, so I'm gonna step up to the plate. Just celebrated 20 years of sobriety. It's pretty cool. I didn't think I could get 20 minutes.

It took me 7 years to finally get a 30 day chip. 7 years in and out about how it's anonymous. That's where I come from. That's where I I I stay a little a little little on edge about this because as I know this works, you know, you realize that you could travel all around the world and end up in a room and never see any big books in one spot. You know the big pile of big books back here?

I said, oh my god. You know, there's there's little little areas of us that are thumping the book, that are that are doing the work, and it's like, those are the groups that I end up speaking in. So it's like everybody preaching to the choir. You know what? The truth of the matter is I don't take the heat as much as I used to.

I don't cuss from the podium as much as I used to, which is I just think stupid. I made a night. And, and I want to start this by saying the same as I've been saying for the last few years so that I don't end up in a hot water with somebody. If you wanna do this any way you want to, that's your business. That's your business.

You want to kill people with your stupid opinion? Rahab. Do you want to do this any way you want? Listen to all of the stupid one liners and take them out of context and kill people with ineffectual, sad, weak sponsorship? Bop to you, darling.

Because I'm not gonna argue with you. Just not. Done. I'm here to share my experience with you, and, and I hope I get a chance to do that. I'm watching that clock closer than you are, folks.

So I know you guys have been slamming that coffee since I sat down here. You know, I just gonna the bathrooms are back here supposedly, but you can't get up while I'm speaking, so what? Just you're gonna be so uncomfortable. So I'm gonna I'm gonna go real fast. I gotta thank Chris for letting me do this and and allowing us to fit this in.

I gotta tell you, some of y'all that are members of this group don't know that, but we paid for Patty to come too. My wife is here, and, I I am so appreciative. I've got I've got the family on her side that I haven't seen since we got married up here, and, Kat and Jeff are here. I don't know. We got Charlie, but I got this group is full of buddies that I know, and, and I I so appreciate, y'all letting us come do this.

It's pretty cool. I'm not gonna read all this, but I there was some stuff in here I wanted to show you. And, if you like the time, I may I may get a chance to do that. If, if somebody comes into these these rooms and they know what the solution is and they just don't wanna do it, I'm as cool with that as I can be. You know, we're not gonna jam this down anybody's throat.

Somebody's got a problem with God, and they just wanna hang around the Caribbean because they don't wanna get involved because they just don't like that's their right to do that. If they if they understand the rules and they don't want to follow the rules, that's their business. If they come into the rooms, though, and they don't know the rules, They don't know what to do. And they don't know what this is about. I feel like unbelievable responsibility to make sure that they hear the rules no matter if I have to get in their face to get their attention about it.

You'll follow? The the the message my little brother alluded to it early when he was talking. I mean, just there's so many people out there that are walking on eggshells worried about hurting somebody's feelings. I I don't mind watching you die, but I'm not gonna offend you by telling you the truth. Some I mean, the nature of alcoholism and and those other things, drug addiction, is is that we have this illness that that blocks us from reality.

When I'm in it, I can't see the truth. And I have these little moments, these little glimpses where I think, oh my gosh, I need to do something. I need to get well. And these little moments of clarity is what usually brings us into the rooms. And then we're uncomfortable because we just got here.

We don't know the questions to ask, but the the cats in the room, if you happen to end up in the wrong room, will not see that. They will not take that opportunity to explain what the solution is. Alcoholism y'all don't mind if I take this off, dude. It just got it's the first time I've been in warm all day. I I gotta tell you guys.

I love Yankee lands. The north is beaut. I'm gonna tell you. New Jersey is prettier prettier than Texas. I'm gonna say it from the podium.

You can resend it out and into the into the airway. New Jersey is prettier than Texas. Women are drop dead gorgeous. The people are as nice as any place I've ever been on a face on earth. I gotta tell you, the only thing that we got you beat with, hands down, in Texas is, buddy, we're warmer.

A lot warmer. You guys you guys come on down. I mean, god, please. I hear that crap all the time too. We know how to dress in it.

No. No. No. You can't put on that many clothes. It's just freezing out there.

I don't know what to tell you. I work at a treatment center. I do clerical work for a hospital, and and, and I have been, fortunate to work at this place for a long period of time. And I watch a lot of people come into this fellowship, and I watch a lot of people, come in and, and become very disappointed and very disillusioned when they find out that our hospital is all about the 12 sets in God. You know, they're just so quick.

Oh, dang. I you know, for this big chunk of change, I thought we were gonna do something different. You know? And and just we're not. But what they're gonna do is get they're gonna get guys, here's the deal.

They're gonna get an adequate presentation of what the fellowships are all about at the hospital where I work. And I know there's other places that do that too. When did it become okay not to tell newcomers how this all worked? When did we get so far off the page that that you could come into a meeting and spend months months months months there and not understand that the way to recovery was a thing called a spiritual experience. I mean, this is BS.

And that's my story. 7 years In N Out of Alcoholics. I was in the food business, and In N Out, I was pretty successful. I was like a functioning alcoholic. I'm gonna tell you guys, if you look around this room, we got lots of different kinds of alcoholics in here.

The book talks about it over over. There's different varieties of us, but it all stems from, you know, kind of hooks on to this little thing called the progressiveness of this disease. And some of us, the disease progressed quite quite far, and some of us have just recent it's really frustrating when you talk to a 19 year old kid that's dying of alcoholism and try to explain to him about alcoholism by using your war stories. That is ineffectual. That is stupid waste of time trying to scare people into recovery with your stupid war stories.

This is where I catch the bad rap on the podium because people hear me. They what did you hear me just say? That your war stories are not important. I'm not saying that. I'm saying in a meeting, it's pointless and stupid.

The the the cats are here. Ask any young adult. I stayed because Chris Gregory talked about eating out of dumpsters, and I didn't wanna eat out of dumpsters so I'd never no. Ever. Ever.

And some of you are already grinding your teeth. Our stories are all we have. Shame on you. If you think your story is all you have, you're worthless. Go go go join Royal Recovery Club.

They'll be fascinated with your stories. I guarantee it. At the next breakfast social, you can get up and wow them without crawling in those dumpsters. But I'm telling you guys, in the end me, we all know how to do that. We all know how to be make asses of ourselves and do goofy things.

We don't need to share that in meetings. What we need to share in meetings is the information that's in those 164 pages of that big book. We need to talk about the spiritual experience and the spiritual experience and the guaranteed, guaranteed change of life is gonna come as a result of doing this work. That's what we need to talk about. Now that's what they talked about in the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The history books are full of it, but we don't do it now because we've evolved. I wonder, that has something to do with our poor success rates in alcoholics anonymous. If anybody in here is questioning that, please come see me after that. We can discuss that until the cows come up if you want. You can call AA World Service.

They'll tell you right now. Our success rates today suck. We've got about 8% success rate in the United States. That's terrible. 2nd edition of the big book said we had a 75% success rate.

Well, what did we know in 1955 that we don't know now? That there's one solution. One solution. And it's not the fellowship alcoholic tsunamis. If you can get sober on the fellowship of alcohol tsunamis, you're not an alcoholic.

I'm never gonna stop saying that in the podium. I don't care how irritated it makes you. If you can come to a few meetings and stay sober, I don't know what to tell you. There's 2 things going on. Either you're not one us or your disease hasn't progressed that far.

Here's my grinder. The disease will progress. When I stop drinking, the disease won't stop progressing, guys. It continues to progress. If I started drinking, my disease wouldn't pick up where I left off 20 years ago.

It would kick my butt. We see these guys coming back into this hospital. Oh my god, guys. Well, I've been working at that hospital for about 14 years. And back in the day, when I first started out there, we very seldom got any old deezers back in there.

Cats that had some sobriety and lost it. This was all new sobriety. And I gotta tell you what, full, nearly nearly 50% of the patients are in that hospital right now have had 2 or 3 or more years of sobriety and have lost it. And they are like deer in a headlight. They are so disillusioned because what worked back then, meeting makers make it, ain't work it now.

Meeting makers don't make it, folks. Not for the real alcoholic. If that was the case, Bill Wilson would have wrote it in here. And go to as many meetings as you can. Unbelievable.

Y'all y'all with us on that one? It's just like, come on, guys. I'm sitting in these meetings, listening to these stupid war stories until the cows come home, and I'm checking myself out. You know? I can I'll put the plug in the old jug, and I'll stay sober for a couple of days, and I'll detox good.

You know? But my disease has progressed to such a spot that I'm driving that y'all are experiencing. I'm not going to jail. I'm not robbing liquor stores. I'm not hooking on the street.

I'm not doing the I'm not being a goat. I'm not doing yeah. And I make it a mental note, and I walk out and said, that's not me. I buy another quart of beer and start the process all over again. You'll follow?

Guys, I'm not knocking it from the podium. Rick, you did exactly what he's supposed to do. From the podium, I am too. I'm gonna share some stories. This is what we do from the podium.

Wanna let you know a little bit what it was like, but guys in the meetings, we've got to stop using that as a tool to get people in these rooms. The book says we're supposed to pull people with a vision. How can we do that if we're just telling war stories? We can't. That's why we can't keep the young adults in our meetings because we're too busy trying to scare them in here.

And the rest of the people we can't keep in because we're too busy trying to fix their life. We've got to stop using our meetings as a dumping ground for problems. Oh my god. I know that's probably the most controversial thing I've ever said to the podium. It's still to this day the number one thing I get emails about.

If I can't go to a meeting and share my stuff, where can I go? How about my living room? How about Ditties? How about the parking lot? Here's one for you.

How about your therapist's office? Hey. How about your lawyer's office? How about your doctor's office? Yo, what is yeah.

How about how about finding a professional? You think it's your right to come into a meeting and share everything you want about your day? Shame on you. You got a guy in the back that just all he's trying to do is not bring it today. Can we go oh, can everybody get it back and show him how to not be that?

No. Because tomorrow, you're gonna come back and talk to me about your weed eater one more time. Guys, we've gotten off the page. Bill Wilson said it early on. We set aside 1 night a week for the newcomer to bring their problems.

I think that's a great idea. Oh, stellar idea. How about one night a week, we do that? And then the rest of the night, let's talk about the literature. Let's talk about the 12 steps.

Let's talk about how to have a spiritual experience. How cool from the podium to talk about the 4th step. You'll follow? Let's show somebody how to make amends instead of talking about a divorce. I've got to say this.

I'm a huge tradition fan. I understand why we do it in our fellowship, and I understand singleness of purpose. I've said it a 1000 times every time I speak. If you've heard me a tape of mine, you know exactly where I'm going with this. If the traditions tell us that we have a singleness of purpose and that we're supposed to be here talking about our problems with alcohol, then why is it okay for you to talk about your stupid divorce one more time?

Answer me the question. What does that got to do with the young adult sitting in the back who's dying of alcoholism? We don't wanna hear about your crap. We're not interested. That's not what this is about.

And I'm gonna tell you something, folks, as I take both gloves completely off. I said I wasn't gonna, gonna. We're being made up of I gotta do another talk after this one. We're gonna talk about it some more. We're being made a laughing stock out there.

There was a day in Alcoholics Anonymous when we were loved and respected and revered. And today, we're a punchline every stupid joke out there in Hollywood because people continue to use these meetings as dumping grounds for their problems. Please don't under misunderstand. The the fellowship is huge and roomy. I talk to people in the fellowship about stuff that's going on in my life every day.

You with me? But when I come into a meeting, I'm pretty damn focused about what I'm gonna do. And I'm gonna talk about the 164 pages and how to allow somebody to have a spiritual experience. In 1987, I can't get sober because all we're doing is talking about your problems. Sometimes I'm talking about my problems.

Good Lord. I wonder how many people I killed dominating me talking about her one more time, or the job, or this or that and other. In 1987, I'm coming apart. I am so crazy. It's one of those things I've just never been able to explain.

How do you explain crazy? I mean, really. I I just don't have any I'm suffering from alcoholism. I've been in Alcoholics Anonymous for 7 years. I've been in and out of treatment.

I'm in therapy for 10 years, but if you asked me what it was to be an alcoholic, I couldn't tell you. You with us? I did the same thing with what therapists everywhere do, and people in in our industry, the treatment center industry do. Guy come in like that and says, well, I'm an alcoholic. And he says, you're right.

You're suffering from alcoholism. That's a disease. And you're not a bad person. You're a sick person, and and you understand that. Your power is over alcohol.

And you got a little guy that has a little tear in his eyes, and says, damn, nobody ever explained it. I have a disease. I'm so I I am an alcoholic. I have alcoholism. You hear hear this?

Then you go to group, and they say, so why do you drink? Because I'm an alcoholic? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I know that, but why do you drink? You go with me? So you're looking like deer in the head, like, what? What's he talking about? That's exactly what we do.

Guys, we we complicate it. If if we're driving down the street, the guy's out there in this field naked, barking at the moon, the guy's driving and says, oh, don't worry about him. He's he's just he's crazy. And so every you're with us? Oh, that's why he's barking at the moon.

And so every time you drive by, you don't have to say, I wonder why that guy's barking at the moon. You go, hey. He's just crazy. It's just getting you with us? It's just it's the same thing.

But but we're alcoholics. You with us? But every time we turn around, somebody's asking us why we drink. Every one of your family members, guys, there's a bunch of family that are in here, they're going to say, yeah, I wanna know the answer to that. Because they're going and they're wondering why we why we drink.

They're not buying the alcohol, is it, defense, any any more than a man in the moon. Too bad. Why shouldn't they? They go to the open discussion meetings with us, and listen to us talk about everything under the sun except that disease. You with us?

He can't stay sober because he's in a bad relationship. So they leave thinking, oh, it's all about a bad relationship. Can't stay sober because he's he's he doesn't have this or he doesn't have that. We we confuse the issue. Y'all follow?

Guys, I'm an alcoholic. My outside world exacerbates the problem. My outside world is has affected my drinking, but it didn't cause my drinking. If my outside world is what's causing me to drink, I just need a good therapist. Move to Texas.

Good heavens. Nobody drinks in Texas. See, I'm in 19, 87. I'm in this little apartment, and, I'm drinking myself to death. And, I'm still not going to jail.

I'm not robbing liquor stores. I've had a DWI, but I've been a good boy. And, which means I didn't show up with the probation guy that drunk. Oh, my gosh. And, I picked up a stack of return checks in the mail, and, I finances have always been a big deal with me.

And I've I've made lots of money at times. But but I'm always I'm not a very good steward with God's money, so I end up always in the hole. Like, some of y'all in here, been sober a long time, in debt. That's called spiritual malady. And you need to first break that to your attention.

And I'm irritable, restless, and discontent is not stopped stop because I stopped drinking. Y'all understand that? Trying to spin myself, trying to bait myself into a happy spot does not stop because I've stopped drinking. The people out there that don't understand this disease believes that when I laid an alcohol in the dope down, when I put the alcohol away, that I get better. I don't.

That's why people don't stay sober, and they're so disillusioned. I've done that so many times. It's not even funny. I quit drinking a 1000000 times, and I always started again. The mental blank spot that the book talks about always sneaks up and grabs me in the butt, and my head always says, it's just historic with me.

You know? I'm not gonna blink any more. My head will say, You can smoke a joint. There were some times it was like, It's a It's not dope, it's medication. It's the pills, you know, something.

But see, but why am I jockey from my position to eat a pill or smoke pot? It's because I need something to make me feel okay inside because I'm not. Because I'm weeks away from the alcohol. You follow? See, nobody can explain that to me.

And then when I go back to the therapist, I always they wanna try to explain why I put the alcohol in the nose of my body. You follow? You've got that promotion at work, didn't you? Uh-huh. Things got too good, didn't you?

Uh-huh. Well, we need to talk about success today. Oh, lord help us. I got up on the floor of that little apartment and went to the medicine cabinet, got some pills, and tried to commit suicide that night. Stupid 1000000 podiums, and I'll never back off that.

I'm not romanticizing suicide. It's, suicide is selfishness and self centeredness on steroids. Can y'all get down with that? The book I'll pay 62 says selfish and self centeredness is the root of my problems. And people wanna somehow think that that's not the most selfish thing you could possibly do in the world.

Just get off yourself and let somebody else clean up the mess. Nothing in me wanted to die, folks, but I just didn't wanna feel the way I was feeling anymore. And that's just a lot of us are shaking our heads because a lot of us have been taken to that spot. I I you were so succinct when you were talking about our families think that we just don't know what we're doing anytime ever, you know. But I have these moments of clarity, and I look myself in the mirror and it says, oh, how pathetic is this?

You know what I mean? I am not the person that my father father raised. I I did not intend to become this this whatever I am. I mean, I you think I'm roughly in that? You should've seen me 20 years ago, guys.

I've been telling you. This big old gut hanging out here and a hair down to here and a big full beard and a patch is perpetually crooked. I I don't know. They don't know if it's a patch or an earbud. And I just like just like you responded.

And I'm perpetual I'm constantly, you know, on the defensive. You know, you're laughing. Yeah. I know you're laughing at me. You know, I'm checking my zip.

I everything. It's all about me. I'm so so oh, jeez. And I don't wanna I everything is all about me. I'm so so ah, jeez.

And I don't wanna be like this. And I wanna be a good employer and a good employee, and I can't be. I wanna pay my bills. I want people to look up to me. I don't wanna my bills.

I want people to look up to me. I don't have to stand in front of a mirror and do stupid positive affirmations and tell myself what a good boy I am, when I owe everybody on earth. I want I want who I am to reflect what I am. I wanna grow up. I'm 35 years old, and I and and I and I'm I'm tired of being treated like I'm I'm a little retarded kid.

We laugh about it, but I mean, that's how they treat us, with disrespect, and I'm I'm just with with pity in their in their voices. I'm tired of being treated that way. That's the only way I can get a day out of. Pity. That's how I got Patty.

I'll tell you. I did. I saw her in a conference in New York when I'm there. You wouldn't wanna go out with me, would you? And she was just sick enough to say, yes, that's all you need.

Anyway, I went to the medicine cabinet, got a bunch of pills out, and, and tried to, do the old offer roomy. I heard a voice about the time those pills hit my stomach that said, Chris, don't do this. Go back to AA. I get emails from all over the world, people asking me about that. Did you really hear a voice?

You know, like, no. I've just been lying from the podium for 20 years. I don't know what to tell you. You know, guys, was it a boy? I don't know where the voice I was looking in the ferret cage.

Because I mean, that was me and 2 stinky ferrets in that cage. I'm looking to check that out. I live in a in a garage apartment with a little efficiency about the size of this co unit. Nobody else in there but me. Oh, man.

The voice never changed. It never varied. It never yelled. Never nothing. Chris, don't do this.

Go back to AA. And I made myself sick. I threw up. Scared me. And I the next morning, I heard the voice one more time, and, I made a commitment.

I went to the doctor to get some doggy downers because I can't detox without doggy downers. Done, I went, like, tranquilizers. I need something to keep moving low. She doc, got some doc, got some pills, and went to work because I had to I had to go to work. If you don't work, you end up on the street.

And some of us have been on the street. I work. Not very well sometimes, but I work. And, I was running late, and I went to a meeting I've never been to before. It was a meeting's not even there now, now, but it was a notorious big book thumper hangout, is what it was supposed to be.

They had a bad rap there. And, there was a a they had the rep or the old timers. They were they were jamming people. If you went over there to try to get a date, they would eat you alive. Y'all follow-up?

And I don't know about the sobriety deal, but I might at least get lucky. And, so but you I went to this room and and it was the same stuff. I walked in the back door of this meeting and they were all laughing their butts off. And, it was just like we were doing here, guys. Before 5 minutes before this week, everybody's in here hugging and laughing, and they're clean and they smell good, and you guys are and I am filthy dirty.

I've worked all day long. I haven't bathed in 2 days, and I am not a happy camper and not detoxing on top of that. And you wanna come up here with your little happy, sunbeam for Jesus attitude, and I I am going to kill you. And I'm backing out, and this little 19 year old girl just slides between me and the door, and she puts her finger in my belt, and she says, sit sit down. Sit down, cowboy.

And she plops me down in the chair next to her. And I'm just looking at her like, oh, hoo hoo. What? And what? Cowboy?

I don't think so. And I just and we were she gets some paper towels and some coffee and we start the meeting. And the go round and the guys still heard me a 1000 times talk about this, but they talk about the good stuff. There was not one person talked about the war stories. They said, let's let's share with this newcomer how our lives have gotten better as a result of working the steps.

Now, guys, I'm gonna tell you, I've been in AA for 7 years. I've never heard anything like this. I heard her, let's tell Chris how we got here, which means we're gonna talk about your stupid war stories and everybody gets a shot at you. And and they went around the room, and they talked about the stuff that we all they talked about getting credit cards back, which I hadn't had for years. And they talked about getting in good relationships and buying cars and and buying a house.

And one of the girls went to school, and there was a guy in there that was sculpting, and he he had some artwork, and he was and it's just it's stuff like normal people may think, so what? And I'm thinking, this is another world. This is another world. Guys, all I wanted to do was just stop circumstances out there to finally get better so I can win the lottery or do something or or Pamela Anderson come through and save me from all this terrible nightmare that's, you know, it's it ain't gonna happen. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live the way I've been living.

And these gave me the one thing I needed that night, guys. They gave me one big old dose of hope. Hope. When did it become so so passe and and out hearts and all? So so so not cool to share hope with the newcomer.

Because I've I've been in meetings. I guarantee you, when I left, it's like, oh my god. What the hell was that? Listen to somebody whining about their relationship for an hour? Uh-uh.

No. After the meeting, the old geezer asked me if I wanted to stay sober for good, not one bed at a time. He said if I would ask me if I was done, and after some discussion, I said yes. He hugged my neck, and the next morning, they were back on my doorstep knocking. They followed me home that night, made sure I got back.

I was detoxing. And the next morning, they snagged my butt and they hauled me back up to a meeting. And we went to a 10 o'clock meeting and went in the back and got on our knees and did a 3rd step prayer. I've been around AA, guys. There was none of this start from the beginning.

This let's go. They qualified me that morning. They went over the deals about the control. What happened when I drank alcohol? Did I lose control sometimes?

Drink more than I intended? Uh-huh. How about choice? Were there times that you wanted to stop and couldn't stop? When you weren't drinking, did you have the power to not go back to it?

Absolutely not. Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous. They qualified me. You're an alcoholic if you say you are. Hoarse.

I can't cuss. Rubbish. Rubbish. That's nuts. That's how this fellowship got sick.

We allowed people to do that. That's how this fellowship got sick. We allowed people to do that. We allowed them to come in that weren't alcoholic. We allowed them about 1,000 to come in via treatment centers in the eighties.

And they're sitting in our rooms right now, and they're not alcoholics, and they don't need to be here, and they're sharing the crap. And they can afford to share whatever they want to. They don't have to work the 12 steps. Their life doesn't depend on God. They don't have to have the spiritual experience.

All they got to do is have the grabbing your teeth. I'm sorry. That's just the way it is. But you think everybody in alcohol synonymous is an alcoholic? You're you're living in a dream world if you're that if you're that naive.

You can come into this fellowship and call yourself an alcoholic if you want to, but unless you fit the cryo criteria with a phenomenon called craving and the mental obsession, you are not one of us. And if you're not one of us, stop trying to help those of us that are, because you're killing us out of 1,000. If you're sitting in a meeting telling people to just don't drink you go to meetings, shut up. Stop. How dare you?

Why don't you write your own book and publish it? Why are you coming into the beats to say something that assonized? Show me in the book where it said that. Some of you are looking a little uncomfortable. I'm so sorry.

It was not my intention to do that. Some of you are murderers. Words have power. If you don't understand what you're talking about, shut up. Stop trying to be a junior therapist, everybody.

Stop trying to be a junior doctor. Talk about what you know. How did you have a spiritual experience? Oh, I'm not sure I had a spiritual experience. Then shut up.

Because we only have one message in this in this fellowship. One message in this fellowship. One message. The spiritual experience. Okay.

People, every time I speak, come up backwards. I'm not sure I've had this spiritual experience. You probably haven't. Oh, my god. I haven't talked about it in a year, but it's like it's like let this water heater over here, this this radiator come back to oh, I'm not sure if my tongue just got burned off or not.

This is ridiculous. I get people I hear hear my hear about their life. He's just so rough. Let me tell you what rough is. Rough is watching somebody come to about 3 or 4 meetings in a row and sit in the back and nod their head and avoid everybody in the fellowship, but never get engaged in the program.

And then you find out 3 or 4 days later that he went back to the Flakstaff motel and took a gun and blew his head off. That's rough. That's rough. Well, I'm just getting an email from a guy that you worked with, was in treatment twice, that that that got involved in the fellowship, but never once engaged in the program. Never once worked all through the 12 steps while everybody sat down because he had a lot of money, and he was good looking and witty and backed up and said, it's perfectly okay to walk through this without a sponsor and just look the other way while he didn't do what we asked him to do, as he tied the rope and asked him and hung himself last week, that's rough.

I'm gonna go back to what I said a minute ago, folks. It's like if you wanna come in here and just screw around, you it's okay, but let's call it what it is. You're sitting in AA for months months, and you've never worked with Sez. Now, whose fault is that? Because it's because always gets dumped back on the on the alcoholic and the addict.

It always gets dumped back on the newcomer. Well, he just didn't want it. The question boils down to, did he not want it, or did somebody just not tell him? We got too many people calling in the in the middle of the night. You follow?

And say, could you come down here and show me how to do this? Because now I'm ready to do this. And then we get them dusted. No. I can't do that now.

I'll see you Tuesday night. But you see, by tooth denied, the window of opportunity might have closed. How many of us? How how how I look back at my 20 years of sobriety, and I looked about that. What happens if I ended up at a different meeting that night?

20 years ago, November 13th to Friday 13th. What happens if the if the people had been different when Patty got to the fellowship after she got out of treatment and got back up here and was going to meetings with you people in here. What happens if she's been in the room with different people? People that didn't give a rat's butt about God. That didn't wanna talk about the 12 sets.

They wanted to get it to talk about their inner child and their and their feelings. They wanted to go light some candles and have bubble baths, but they didn't want to talk about finishing the hard work of of making an inventory and and doing the men's like we're supposed to. So you know what gets let off hook? Everybody in here, a lot of you guys in this room, you're carrying of baggage that has nothing to do with alcoholism and drug addiction. Let's call it for what it is.

We can show you how to how to how to work with that too. We can get you connected. 20 years of sobriety? I know thousands of therapists. I know thousands of doctors.

I know tens of thousands of lawyers. We could get you hooked up with all that other stuff. But you see, guys? Here's the one thing I can do. Here's the one thing Chris Rember can do.

I can show you anybody. Nice little 20 year old kid, buckaroo, young adult. Sorry. You with me? I don't care.

I don't care. Black, white, green, blue, gay, straight, Yankees, South. I don't care. Been to jail? I've been to jail?

I can show you how to have a spiritual experience. I can show you how to have a spiritual experience. Show you how to have a spiritual experience. I don't have to have a lot in common with you. I only have to have one thing in common with you.

It's called alcoholism. I'm a recovered alcoholic. A recovered alcoholic. Alcoholic. I got to that group, and, we did a 3rd step prayer that day, and then went and got some food and came back.

And, they gave me a notebook, says, Chris, just exactly what's your response? Start writing the people that you would like to see dead. Here. Stop. We didn't we didn't take the the dictionary out.

Let's look up the word resentment. Let's find out we didn't it was just guys. This is triage. The guy's bleeding out of every orgasm. He's got let's just stop the bleeding.

Okay? And we'll split hairs and and look up words later. But right now, let's put some cold compress on that cut, and let's and that's exactly and I started right now. 2 weeks later, I've got a completed four step, and I have seen the truth about myself. I I am goofy.

And everything I've walked through, every problem that I've ever had out there, I volunteered for. And I got to see some true guys, this is the best news that we can tell the newcomer. If you think that the bastards out there are what's your problem, you're dead. What if they never change? And I did a 4 step to look at that and says, listen, as bad as this looks, I'm golden.

Because I can fix this. I can take care of this. I can go make the amends. I can make I'm gonna tell you, and I started paying people back. I had to get a pot washing job.

I was an executive chef at some of the licensed hotels and country clubs in Texas, and I'm washing pots at Texas Instruments to make money, to make amends. You with me? A sponsor showed me how to do it, because you're not making enough. You've got to pay this stuff off. Yeah.

Well, this guy at the medium nudes said I could just make living amends. You can't. You gotta pay them back, buddy. After that, you can make them live in the men's. Cool?

Thank God for good, strong sponsorship. 2 weeks after I got back in this program, after trying to take my life, guys, I'm sitting on the tailgate of my truck. I'm sitting on the tailgate of my truck. I'm sitting on the tailgate of my truck. I'm sitting on the after trying to take my life, guys, I'm sitting on the tailgate of my truck and the and with a clear realization that the obsession of drinking had been lifted.

For the first time in my adult life, I did not want to drink. I did not want to eat pills, and if I'd had a a a a a pound of cocaine dropped in front of me, I wouldn't have done it. Not because I was afraid, because the 10th step promises had already started coming true in my life. I'd been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. And some of y'all in here are there.

You're nodding your head. You've been you're in that spot. And I'm gonna tell you, some of you in here right now, I can assure you, are not in that spot. You're still air to the restless and discontent. The depression is still kicking your butt.

You're bored to tears. You're full of fear intention, and you're not happy camper, but you're not drinking one stupid long day at a time. You're not recovered yet. And the solution is to do what we're asking you to do. And again, I know I'm preaching to the choir because so many of y'all look at that stack of books back there, and then the table groans under the weight.

How cool is that? Big Book meetings all over the country are being pulled off wanna hear about it. They wanna hear how you feel today. You follow? And commentator in, national television was doing Larry King not long ago.

He's he's one of his cat. I like this guy too. I'm not gonna mention his name. Y'all don't know what I'm talking about. He's supposed to be in recovery every time he does a talk.