AA Downunder Group

Hello, family. I'm an alcoholic, named Joseph, and I state my disease first because I have a tendency to forget. And, you know, somebody I'm going by some suggestions. My sponsor told me that, don't worry about what to say. Just whenever you get up there, you'll get the words.

In that way, you stay honest and you speak from the heart. But he also told me that, if you don't know what you're gonna say, you should probably just shut up. But I know that I'm supposed to share my experience, strength, and hope. And and since the, the room is g rated, I am going to keep my profanity to a minimum, and sometimes that's difficult for me. So if I say anything offensive, you can be assured that's me.

And if I say anything enlightening that you thoroughly enjoy, you can give that credit to my higher power. And, you know, I'm sober today, and I am more than blessed today. I'm sober through the fellowship of my higher power and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous did for me what I could not do for myself. They gave me a new chance at life.

They gave me a chance to live life on life's terms. And, for that, I'm truly grateful. And, to just say that I'm grateful doesn't even begin to compare. And, you know, part of our steps is that we carry this message onto other alcoholics. So you're gonna hear me talk a lot of, the pathway to self acceptance because I have I have accepted myself today, and I like to see other people recover from this disease and find that self acceptance.

They find qualify. You know, it's I got 7 master's degree, 1 from Yale, 1 from Harvard, and 1 from God. I'm a I got 3 degrees in psychology and, and pharmaceutical and all that other stuff. So I'm I'm entitled to talk about whatever subject I feel like talking about today. As qualifying, I drank for over half my life.

My first drink I remember was at my my aunt's wedding at a bonfire and and like any real alcoholic, when they took the bottle away from me, since I was only a child. I was a little bit resentful. But I whenever I wake up in the morning, all day long for years, all I thought about was was just how I could catch that buzz from the time I got up to the time I went to sleep. That's how I live my life. That's all I knew.

And I woke up one day. I was in jail, and I, you know, I asked somebody what time it was, and they said, well, you ought to be more worried about what day it is. You've been asleep for 3 days. And I looked around the room, and and I spent a week trying to figure out where the refrigerator was so I could find some beer. I really had no idea where I was at or what I was doing.

My whole body hurt for weeks, and, I'd sit most of the most of the time on the toilet. And then when my legs would hurt too bad, I'd have to get up and roll around in the floor for a little bit and then get back up and sit back on the toilet. And, so, yeah, I think I do qualify for this, this little speaker meeting here. I did a whole lot of throwing up in my day. Body hurt a lot, you know, and, I spent a whole lot of money just trying to to get here.

I've heard some people say, you know, Joseph, you're still a young whippersnapper and I probably spilled more bill booze than you. And, well, maybe that's my I very young age. And I'm kinda like a miracle in progress because, I'm one of those people that I I I have not felt the necessary it never worked. It never worked. This is the only solution for an alcoholic of my type that I have found that truly works.

So I I to say that I am grateful to AA is just an understatement. You know, whenever I, when I finally decided that I was completely hopeless and and that everything had been lost, you know. And I tried to make the decision to turn my my will and my life over to God without any kind of avail. He kind of, placed an alcoholic in my path. There's a guy, I mean, loved him or you hated him.

And and most of the people that I knew, they all loved him, thought he was the greatest person in the world. He was just one of them people that he got along with just about anybody. And he was sitting in my cell. We was in prison. And he was in prison.

And he was in prison. And he was in prison. And he was in prison. And he was in prison. And he was in prison.

And he was in prison. And he was in prison. And he was in prison. And he was in prison. And he was in along with just about anybody, and he was sitting in my cell.

We was in prison. He was sitting in my cell talking to my cell. My cell was pretty sick. And he was telling him about Alcoholics Anonymous. And it's the first time I'd ever heard that, you know, about Alcoholics Anonymous.

And to hear this guy talk, it just kind of like blew my mind because, you know, he wasn't no saint. I mean, he didn't have all his character defects removed but I mean, he could just he could share things about himself that, you know, just blew my mind. There was it was like there was no fear in this guy. There was no you know, he didn't hold resentments. There was just something about his persona that just said, you know, he's got something I want.

And, I'm truly convinced that he got it in AA. The only the only problem with the guy is he he was still insane and he knew that as soon as the doors opened up to that prison, he was gonna go back out there and he was gonna find him some crack rocks and a and a couple bottles again, and and he was going back to town. And I and I knew I was doing the same thing. I think that's one of the reasons we got along so good is because we knew it was hopeless, you know. But, he said, you know, check out the MAA meetings.

When you get out there, it'll get you a new network of people and all that other good stuff and, you know, so I checked out the meetings there in the joint. And I rambled on for, like, 15 minutes about how sick he was. You know, he was getting ready to get out. He's like, man, I'm getting out there. I'm I'm gonna go get drunk and all this other stuff.

And I mean, he was crying through the chair. And when he was done, they just went on really I guess, you know, I I didn't understand the situation. Of course, us being in there wasn't none of us had worked the steps. And so at the end of the meeting, I I got up and I looked everybody in the eye and I told them flat out. I said, you know, I don't know what's wrong with you people, but that guy guy was sitting there crying for help.

There wasn't none of you offering to help him. And, so I decided that that the people in alcohol anonymous were sick people and they needed my help. And I I did come in with a desire to stop drinking. I did not, however, come in with a desire to stop using drugs. That was a completely separate issue.

We had, we had one AA meeting a week. We also had a one meeting for a different fellowship and I did not wanna go to that other fellowship because I had no intentions on stop using drugs. But I had a desire to stop drinking. And I come in here, and I sat, and and somebody would had tried to convince me that it was all the same, and and it's not. It's not all the same.

We have a message and we carry this message that is part of our 12 steps is that we carry this message and we practice these principles in all our affairs. And we have some traditions around here that I believe hold this group together, and is part of the reason that Alcoholics Anonymous is still alive today. If it, you know, if it wasn't for the traditions, you guys probably would not be able to put up with me. I'm I'm amazed that some of you are able to put up with me as it is. But, you know, I come and I listened.

And and and, of course, me being the alcoholic I am, you know, I I always wanted to to get in there and share. I mean, I live for this. I could not wait to get up here and do some speaker meetings. I don't know about the rest of you, but I get up here and I'm not nervous. I don't have to go pee, you know.

I I just I live for this. To carry the message to to the still suffering alcoholic, this is this is what it's all about. If you're new, you keep coming back. I don't care how scared you are of of, you know, public speaking or whatever the case may be. There will come a day where you're gonna be asked to do this.

And, you know, before it's all said and done, you are going to feel like you accomplished the greatest thing in the world because truly, this is as good as it gets right here. You know? And, so I sat in the rooms and and I finally somebody had got up and they shared a little simple message that said, you don't ever have to drink again. And that kind of like hit a spot to me. It was and I heard all these people you know, these people ain't even work the steps and they're talking about 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

You gotta work the steps in order and you gotta do this and you gotta work the steps and I mean, I'm looking at these steps and and, I know everything there is to know about these steps, of course, you know, because I'm new. I I it just knew everything. I knew about all the steps and I I even knew about the ones that did not apply to me and those were like the 6th and 7th. I didn't think the 6th or 7th step really applied to me. And, so I was not going to do them.

I was not gonna do a 5th step. I was not going to do none of this stuff. I was not gonna get a sponsor. I was just gonna work steps 123. I might even skip around and go from 1 to 9 to 12.

I'm I surrender. I'm sorry. Here's a solution. And I come in the rooms and, and I told everybody how it was and everybody just kept smiling and they kept telling me, oh, Joseph, coming back, you know. Whenever I finally got to the streets, I come out I finally got to the streets, I come out here and of course, I had all the answers.

I remember my I went to one meeting, though, and, I got a a coin for, being 3 years sober, and and I told the guys, I said, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know anything. I really don't, and, I need some help. And didn't nobody encouragement other than just get a sponsor.

And here I am. I'm sick and I'm new and I don't know none of these people. How am I supposed to pick out a sponsor? Yeah. I want what you've got.

Here I am. I'm 26 years old. I'm looking around the room. There's a whole bunch of old people in the room. You know, they got their glasses and their bald head and they're saying, well, if you want what we've got and are willing to go to any length to get it, I'm sitting there saying, heck no.

I don't want what these people got. Half of them sounds sicker than I am. You know, they told me get a sponsor. Man, it it just it's I I didn't take the suggestion. I really didn't.

And, so I went to some other meetings and I just carried the solution. And of course, me being an alcoholic that knew everything, nobody offered to reach out their hand to me. There there was one guy, he kinda wrenched his hand out, but, I really just wasn't interested in what he had to offer because most people didn't like him. Most of the people that went to the meetings just didn't like him, so nobody else liked him. Why should I like him?

And, he offered his I I I really believe that he offered his help. He never really said anything, but, I I just didn't take him up on it. And, it don't fit in with those people and I'm just not going back. And I sit here and, there was some online chat rooms where that was, you know, basically with people within recovery was the general theme. I mean, you couldn't tell.

All we talked about was like girls underwears and stuff like that, you know, but it was friends of Bill w. And there was a guy in there. He just happened to have the same date as me. And, he reminded me, he said, Joseph, you need to go to some meetings. And so, you know, know, I went back to some meetings, 1 or 2, and and, New Year's rolled around.

Oh, there was this girl that was in there and she was in recovery and she told me about this program, Paltalk. And I'd heard about this Paltalk thing before and I heard bad things about the meetings over there, so I wasn't gonna go check it out. But this girl told me about powtalk, and I came over here for the wrong reasons. You know, all the wrong reasons. I really did, honestly.

But I noticed that they had some meetings over here, so I decided I was gonna check them out. And I walked was just like that was just like the greatest thing. I love meetings. I really do. I could go to 24 meetings a day every day if I could, you know.

So that was just, like, absolutely wonderful and and and the recovery in there was pretty good. And and they, you know, told me what wonderful shares I had and everything was gonna be alright and all that other stuff. And I said, you know, I can handle this. I don't have to drive for an hour to go to these meetings. I can just sit at my house and go to meetings, and it's still just as good.

So I I I I gave AA another try, and I kept coming back. And, finally, somebody said, Joseph, we got a group of guys getting together. We're gonna work the steps together. Why don't you come over here and and, be a part of it? And I said, you know, I can do that.

I don't have to have somebody watch watching over my shoulder and making sure I'm doing this stuff right, you know. So, I got involved in the group, and we started working the steps together. At least we started studying the steps. That's that's the main thing. We started studying the steps.

And we got to about the second step and and I there was a guy that I talked to on a pretty regular basis, you know, almost every day. And, one day, he called me on all my stuff. He said, Joseph, you got a sponsor? And I said, no. And he said, well, you got one now.

And that's how I got my first official sponsor. My first sponsor was that alcoholic way back in the day that never even came into AA. I never went to a meeting with that guy in prison, but I used to sit and talk to him about recovery, and, and he really had something that I wanted even though he was insane. Then, I mean, that's how I wanted even though he was insane. That, I mean, that's how sick I was back then, you know.

The guy knew he was going back drinking and what not, but just the way that he carried his character defects was was something that I really wanted. And, but anyway, my new sponsor that was actually in AA, we talked and we talked and, he used to get all hyped up on coffee. Right? And he'd call me up. I think he called me more than I called him in the beginning there, but, he get all hyped up on coffee and hyped up on coffee and and call me and we go through our war stories, and we just had a good time with recovery.

We'd laugh and we'd we'd bad mouth with other people and, hey, hey, you know, honestly, I mean, we gossip about people, everybody. It didn't matter who you were. If you was on some kind of crazy stuff, we would sit there and bad mouth you like you wouldn't believe, but I was sick. And that's what I needed to do. That's what I needed to hear.

And for some reason, you know, just just the room he was my sponsor. I'll look around the room today and if the sickest person in the room, that's my sponsor. Because I love working with alcoholics. I really do. And, always me a bunch of stuff, but I really couldn't hear nothing he was saying because I always had blinders on.

You know? Maybe an alcoholic that I am, I know everything. You know? I just absolutely know everything and everything he would tell me. I mean, I I pretty much already knew.

But, there come a point in in my sin. Have a really good memory, and you'd be amazed some of the stuff that I remember of your shares. I mean, you might share something couple months later. You don't even or even a couple hours later, you don't remember what you shared, but there's a very good chance that I might remember what she was talking about. And it might take me weeks or months to realize what you're talking about, but sometimes this stuff sinks in.

And even the stuff that I'm talking about tonight, I might change my mind about it in a couple weeks. You never know. I might have my mind set on one thing, and then a couple weeks later, I've got my whole mind changed into a different thing. But, you know, then, them steps are powerful tools. And it wasn't until I I really decided that I just wanted to work the steps.

You know, up until the point that I made that decision to work the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was really just just sick. I mean, I I I come in here and I worked worked the steps just based on, just to make them people happy. Let's just make them happy. I'll work the steps, you know. Or or I did it just just because I want to stay sober.

I just want to stay sober. I'm gonna work these steps. And for some reason, I couldn't get it right. My motives were all messed up. And I found out the more that I just thought about staying sober, the sicker I got.

But whenever I decided that all I wanted to do was work the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, the problem seemed to have been removed. You know? And so that that first step, today, I look at it as just a problem statement. It's just a problem statement. It says that I'm an alcoholic.

You know, in the first step, I surrendered. In the second step, I found hope. And in the third step, I found faith. But going was trying to said, it will, as I said, it will be a alcohol for an alcoholic like me, it will, at some point in your life, bring you to a low point. It will bring you to a bottom.

It it put me on a toilet for days weeks weeks. You know? And, like I said, my insanity when I first sobered up, I didn't know who I was or where I was or what I was doing. I it took me a while to figure out that, I didn't have any cigarettes in my pocket. I mean, I was wandering around trying to figure out where my beer was, and and I didn't have any beer.

I I really had no idea who I I was or where I was going or what I was doing and all the decisions that I was making, I wasn't making them. The disease was making the decision for me. And I really did not comprehend back whenever everything seemed manageable, how really unmanageable my life really was. See, inside my brain, there are certain chemicals that my body requires, you know, and you can call them dopamine, you can call them serotonin or whatever the case may be. But I was trying to achieve those feelings with the use of alcohol.

And alcohol kept bringing me to a low point, it kept bringing me to a bottom, it kept bringing me to a hangovers and, waking up in in the morning and saying, God, I can't believe I did that. And, you know, waking up and saying, man, do I really have to serve 7 years in prison? You know, that's that's what alcohol did for me. And, whenever I come into Alcoholics Anonymous, I knew that I pretty much knew that I was hopeless. I was sick and I was hopeless, and that was just the way it was.

And, and I admitted that, you know, I I might be able to stay sober for a few weeks or a few months, but, I was just gonna be an alcoholic for the rest of my life. And in that in that second step, whenever I heard that person get up and share that you don't have to ever drink again, I found that there was a little bit of hope for me. I heard people talking about promises. I heard people talking about, you know, that, you know, you can be restored to sanity. And and clearly, that's what it was.

I mean, Wile E. Coyote just did not compare to insanity whenever it comes to to me. I had hit Wile E. Coyote way beat. I was just run around in circles doing the same thing repeatedly.

The the crazy part of it, you know, we say insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting different responses. I think that insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly knowing darn good and well what is going to happen. You know that your life is gonna go back to a bottom. You know you're gonna go back to a low point. You know that you're gonna get hungover, you know, or you're gonna regret that last drink, and you do it anyway.

And our disease is so cunning and baffling and powerful that unless you just kind of, you know, ground your thoughts in something other than alcohol, you will drink again. Your thoughts have to be centered in in some other thought. It has to be centered in in some other thought. It has to be centered in in some other thought. It has to be centered in in some other thought.

It has to be centered in in some other thought. It has to be centered in in some other thought. It has to be centered in second step was to me. It was to say that I could live life life, and serotome, serotomas. I could get these things some other way than alcohol.

I just didn't know what yet. I had no idea how I was gonna get them. But in the 3rd step, I found faith. In the 3rd step, I said that, you know, I was gonna stay sober no matter what. And I remember that.

I remember gritting my teeth and and being on that pink cloud and not easy. That that, you know, we have this third step prayer that, that I think is, you know, really I don't know how you wanna say. You wanna call it religious or whatever the case may be, but to me, the third step just simply says that I will work the program with Alcoholics Anonymous. I will go through the humbling, the admission, the restitution, the service work, I will do it. And that was my 3rd step was whenever I said that, you know, I'll I'll do this not I I will work the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And so I set out on a on a course of rigorous action. We talked about rigorous action. You know? And, and I did I I complicated it. I complicated the program as much as I possibly could, and and like I said, I was one of them people.

I just wanted to know everything. I had to know everything, so I asked my sponsor every stupid question I could come up with. And he said, Joseph, you're just thinking way too much. And I said, yeah. But I wanna know this stuff so that whenever whenever the next person comes up, I'll know what to them.

And, he said, you know, when that time comes, you'll have the answers. And, that 4th step, you know, I'm I'm I will say this that, I was a little bit confused by it at first. I would well, that's an understatement. I was very confused by it. I didn't understand that I had fears.

You know, I didn't understand all that stuff, but, I didn't understand that I was living outside of the now. And, some of the things that he told me was, to picture a time line on the front of your desk. And at one end is the beginning of time, and at the other end is the end of time. And somewhere in that timeline is Joseph, and that is right now. That is the only place that Joseph can be is right now.

He can't be in the past. He can't be in the future. He just has today. And when I started living life like that, I stopped thinking about what the past was like, and how difficult the past was like, and and how everybody treated me so badly, I stopped thinking about that because all I had was right now. All I could deal with was right now.

And right now, I wanted to be in the solution. I wanted to carry the message of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I had to just put some things off to the side side and say, I'm letting this stuff go. And one of the ways that I work through a lot of my resentments and stuff was to just laugh at it. I laugh at resentments today.

Things that I think is just absolutely the worst thing in the world for people to do, I just laugh about it and say, man, look how sick they are really. Because I mean, that's what it is. We're all sick. I do some sick stuff and and maybe someday, you can laugh at me and say, god, Joseph really is sick. You know, and maybe that'll help you somewhere.

Because, it it helped for me. And and whenever it comes to fears, I am not afraid to share any part of my story with anybody. I really am not. And that is, you know, maybe just my ego that gets in the way, my pride. But there is a good pride and there is a bad pride.

And good pride can keep you sober. And we talked we talked about a spiritual awakening, me and my sponsor. And he said, Joseph, what do you have to do to receive a spiritual awakening? And of course, I I come up with, you know, the textbook answer. I knew everything.

Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. And he said, you're missing something. I said, what what am I missing? He said, well Joseph, how do you know you have that spiritual awakening if you can't explain it? And I kind of pondered that idea there, and I said, you know, you may be right.

Because if I've experienced a spiritual awakening, then I know my experience. I mean this is my story. I mean, what do you want me to do? Go get a new story? This is my story.

It's a it's a pathway to self acceptance. It's how I come into to accept the fact, use of alcohol. This is how I did it. You know, it's it's not really You know, nothing special. But I did a 5th step, and I did a couple of them.

And my first 5th step, I did in the joint. And me and my buddy, we sat in there, and we laughed and we laughed and we laughed. And it was the greatest thing in the world. And then we got up and we went and had a child, and we come back and we laugh some more. You know?

And that's that to me, that's what a 5th step is all about. It's not a to give a morally deficient inventory. It's to to state the truth, to sort through the confusion in my life because I had a lot of confusion. And and people was able to help could tell you you can tell me just, know, Joseph, you're just you're just sick. Just just hold off.

Stop thinking so much. Because I really I sometimes I think way too much. I think way too much. But that 6th step, that's that step that really I skipped and I I skipped it and I skipped it. And the reason I skipped it was because I thought I could read it out of a book and I couldn't read it out of a book.

There was there there is no 6th step in the book to be honest with you. Okay? The 6th the 6th step has no action verb in it. It says that we were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. It's a state of mind and it's a state of mind that I missed.

And I skipped it thinking that all I had to do was was what you guys asked me to do. If you guys told me to jump off the bridge and and if I jumped off the bridge, I would stay sober. I completely skipped it because I didn't realize higher power, whenever I whenever I do the suggestions that are really outlined in our traditions and in our big book, then I reach a state of mind where it says that, I'm just ready to have God remove all these defects of character. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober, you know. And in that 7th step, that's when we get down to sorting the the men from the boys, the alcoholics from the real alcoholics.

I've I've talked NAA, and some of them just honestly make me sick. They come in here and they carry a messed up message that says, all you gotta do is put the plug in the jug and you can stay sober. Or, you know, I work the steps, but I didn't work my 9th step. And those people make me sick. People that come into the program, they say, well, I didn't drink every day, but I come into the program and and after the first meeting, you know, I I the obsession was lifted.

For a real alcoholic, I can't even imagine a real alcoholic even walking in the doors, you know. And unless they was just for some reason pushed in the door, or maybe somebody gave them a beer and said, hey, let's go to a meeting. Whenever I I was out there drinking, I could not go to recovery. I could not go to any kind of rehab. I couldn't go in and and ask somebody to help me.

And no matter how much I wanted to, because there was a be that bad. I mean, I woke up thinking about drinking. I went to sleep thinking about drinking. It was my whole way of life and that's all I wanted. So for me to just come in the doors and say, well, you know, God, you know, just go ahead and and and remove all this stuff from me, you know, that's that's insane.

And this comes real slow. For me, it took years. It took years for before I was ever entirely ready to have God remove all my defects of character. And, you know, whenever I do that 7 step prayer today, I just ask ask God, you know, God don't make me weird. I don't wanna be weird.

I don't wanna be like that guy. You know, in our 7th step, we ask that God remove the defects of character from us that are blocking us of being of service to other people. God is not removing every defective character. If he did, he'd be taking away your self will, and your self will is what makes you special. It is what makes you an individual.

It is what makes you a masterpiece in God's eyes. And he's not here to to remove your self will. God, you know, let me hate the right people for the right reasons. You know, let me stand up to the right people for the right reasons, even if I have to be rude. You know, let me stand up to the right people for the right reasons, even if I have to be rude.

You know, let me stand up to the right people for the right reasons, even if I have to be rude. Right reasons even if I have to be rude. You know, point point my lust in the right direction that I can be of service to other people. You know, that's kind of stuff that I asked God to do in my 7th step. And when it came to that 8th step, you know, it was one of those things where it says to, we made a list and we became willing.

And I thought that I had to become willing before I made the list. But in reality, you make the list and then you you are willing. Trust me. If you made the list, then you're willing. But just make the list first.

It's not that difficult. And the way I did mine was, I just listed everybody I ever met. It's clear clearly, I ruined your life. I ruined my life. I ruined every his life, her life, and everybody's life that I came in contact with.

And I figured that out in my, in my 4th step because I had a resentment against the whole world. I had resentments against everybody, anything. If I turned on the TV and saw a commercial with some guy on the commercial, I was resentful at that person for some reason or another. Everybody that I ever came in contact with, I was either scared of them, or I was mad at them, or I was just resentful at life in general. So there's no reason in the world that I shouldn't list everybody that I've ever came in contact with.

And on that night step, when it comes to making amends, that is the key to this program. This is truly what will keep you sober. It's vigorous work with other people. And hopefully, that whenever I make amends to people, because I'm not not entirely through that list. I mean, it's gonna take me a while.

But when I make amends to people, I hope and I pray that I have no resentments that I'm holding on. I have no character defects that I'm holding on. I have no character defects that I'm holding on. I have no character defects that I'm holding on. I I go in there, sure, it's it's to sweep away my part, but I'm also interested in what I can do for the next person.

What kind of resentments they're holding? What kind of fears they're holding? What do I have to do to make things right? Because I've done messed up way too many times. And, and I suffer from a disease called which means I say I'm sorry entirely way too much.

And therefore, in my recovery, I have tried to the best of my ability not to ever say sorry again. But I had a teacher in high school. He's he used to get on to people and they'd say they were sorry. He say, don't ever say you're sorry. You know, what are you gonna do when your wife comes home and she catches you in bed with some other girl?

You're gonna say you're sorry? No. Because you done used up all your sorry. You done said sorry too many times and you used them all up. So I don't try to use up all my sorrys.

So it's a good possibility if somebody says, hears me say I'm sorry, they probably believe me whenever I say it, because I don't use that term. I I go through and I just find out, you know, what do I have to do to make this situation right? And I've had some interesting experiences with all that. You know, I've got some some interesting stories that I could really go into. I've got some some pretty funny drunk logs I could tell you about, to be honest with you, but I don't get into all all of that unless you really want what I've got.

If you really want what I've got, you're willing to go to any length to stay sober. Then, we do have a solution for you. You know, we did we have a way of living that you can be happy, joyous, and free without the use of alcohol. Now, for a real alcoholic, there is going to be an obsession of the mind that could follow for years years years, to be honest with you. Some people never get it.

And I truly believe that the ones that are just sitting here saying, Man, I just want to stay sober. Man, I just want to stay sober. Man, I just want to stay sober. I think those are the ones that go back and drink. That's just my opinion.

And I may not necessarily be carrying the the message of Alcoholics Anonymous right now but, I'm just telling you what I believe. And that is what I think is one of the key parts to staying sober. My sponsor told me way back, he said, Joseph, there's 2 things that you need to figure out. And the first question is, who are you? Not what are you, not what is your job description or, you know, where you know, what's your name or any of that stuff.

Just who are you, really? And the next question is, what do I believe? Not what does he believe? Not what does she believe? What do they believe?

What does the big books believe? What do I believe? Because my faith is what is going to keep me sober. When I come in here, my pride directed me into reading that book. When I come in here, my pride directed me into reading that book.

When I come in here, my pride directed me into reading that book. When I come in here, my pride directed me into reading that book. My pride and my ego said I am going to learn everything there is to possibly know about recovery. And that was God directing my pride in the right direction because I read the book. Faith in that has helped keep me sober.

And I and I never apologize for depending on my higher power. If God puts me in a situation where I have to, to be rude and hateful or whatever the case may be, I do not apologize for that. That's just the way I work my program, and I stay sober. Whenever it comes to, steps 10, 11, and 12, I will tell you this that I I am not ever going to be prepared to do them steps on my own. As with any of these steps, I will next step.

Step 10, and you know, whenever they tell you to change people, places, and things, that's a 10th step, and they tell you that in the door. We admitted we were alcoholics. That's 10th step. You know, a personal inventory. And the way I work it is very simply.

I do it on daily basis. I ask myself, did I do something good for myself today? Did I do something good for somebody else? And did I do something good for for my recovery? And did I do something good for for my recovery?

And as long as I answer those 3 questions, yes, then I feel like I've had a very good day. I don't get into asking about fear I've had a very good day. I don't get into asking about fears and resentments or any of that stuff in the 10th step, because that is not part of the 10th step, that's part of the 11th step. But we have a beautiful 11th step. It's talking about prayer and meditation, and and you can't have meditation without some kind of prayer.

You got to know what you're asking about, what what you're looking for, before you start trying to talk to God about it. And if you don't believe about in God, that's fine. You just keep coming back, and you carry the message because you may be able to reach somebody that nobody else could. There might be somebody out there that is you anda message. It's not, you know, it's not an anda message.

It's not, you know, it's not a message. It's not a message. It's not a message. It's not a message. It's not a other message and it is this message.

It's not an and a message. It's not, an alcoholic and this and that and everything else. It's this message and that's what I try to carry. I try to give the same message that was given to me. And in my 11th step, I meditate and I ask God, what is the message I'm receiving?

You see, I know what your conception of God is, but, to me, it is a spoken word. If it wasn't for your words, your testimonies, I would not be sober. Your testimony is what sobered me up. Somebody standing up in the room saying you don't have to drink no more. That sobered me up to a whole different outlook upon life that said, I don't have to use nothing that is going to put me disciples, but I pray only for my disciples, but I pray for everyone that will be saved through their testimony.

And that's why your words is my higher power. If you come in here and you will not share, and you sit here and you just want to be a visitor, then you are not helping me one bit. But if you share something, no matter then I'm gonna work. Just like I can't sit in a room and and pray for a pizza and think I'm gonna stay, you know, stay full. I've got to get out.

I've got to put some service work in. And I've got it, you know, do the best I can can do with what I've got. And that's why I meditate and ask God for some kind of direction because I don't have it all and I need more. And I need to be I'm an I'm an alcoholic. And it's through, you know, your your testimony and a whole lot of meditation that that I kind of stay on the straight and narrow.