The Legacy Group in Plano, TX

Let it begin with me. Alright. I came to a a meeting here, few days ago. It was a it was a big book study at noon, and and we were talking about the the spiritual malady and, you know, the in the doctor's opinion and on page 52. And and there were some really, really solid comments going on in that meeting.

And I was I was I mean, I I felt like I fit in here talking about this stuff. I mean, you guys sounds like you're doing great. Everybody looks good. Most of the women have all their teeth. I mean, this is this is this is definitely a cool group.

I remember when this group started, it was kind of a split off from some other groups, and, it's really cool to see how it's grown and how everybody is just looking real good. I came to AA in 87. I was, 23 years old. It was actually right before I turned 23, And and I've been drinking solid for since I was 11. Started drinking daily when I was about 12 years old, and and the drinking was was was so it it consumed so much of my time and energy that everything else fell by the wayside.

School, relationships at home. You guys know the drill. And by the time I was 18, I had spent a total of of 36 months in inpatient psychiatric hospitals, because what they were doing is they were trying to treat the the symptoms. You know, Tom, you need to be a good boy. You need to, you know, be home at curfew.

You need to, you know, get along with others and all this other stuff. And and every time I left one of those places, it was a matter of days or hours before I was drinking again. Of course, we didn't talk about alcoholism back then, especially with the kids, because, I don't know. I don't think the insurance companies were paying for for adolescents to get drug treatment or alcohol treatment. So by the time I'm I'm 19 years old, I'm I'm I'm out of the last place, and I'm living in Austin, Texas, which was pretty much the major scene of the crime for me.

That's where things just went just went nuts. And and there was, you know, all sorts of opportunities down there to to just raise hell and and fit right in and not really stand out too much. And by the time I was 22, everything just just started to crumble. Everything stopped working. The booze, which was solving my problem, quit working.

I was I was in a place where, you know, I didn't wanna drink. I didn't wanna stop drinking. I wanted to drink more than I wanted to stop, but I needed to stop more than I needed to drink. And and I was I was just a a basket case. And I ended up going to this treatment center up in Chicago and went back to Austin after I got I grew up in Chicago.

So after I got out of there, I went back to Austin, and I started going to meetings. And, I'll tell you, you know, for the 1st few years, it was it was a blast. Went to some, you know, fairly well established groups down there, fairly large. And and and most of these meetings were were discussion meetings where the chairman had picked a topic and and sometimes we'd stay on it, sometimes we'd wander aimlessly from the topic. And and a lot of times, it turned into, you know, I can relate to that.

Let me plug in my little story here, and then it just kinda goes around the room. And so you're you're listening for for the solution, and and and what what you're hearing is is a bunch of people's problems. And and for a while, I gotta admit, I mean, there is, you know, I'm I don't know. Maybe I'm a voyeur or something, but but some of the stuff was interesting wacko. Seriously.

And and I would want I would keep coming back just to listen to the next episode. And and after 5 or 10 years of this, man, I'm starting to get real grindy. You know, I'd I'd kinda taken what I thought was the steps. If you'd asked me if I've taken the steps, I could say yes because I did what my sponsor told me to do. However, what he told me to do didn't really even rhyme with what's in the bag book.

It was just kind of different exercises, a bunch of writing and reading on step 1, reading and writing on step 2, and we weren't following the directions out of the book. And so the results I got were pretty pretty goofy. You know, one place where we where we lose a lot of people in AA is is with the god thing. I mean, who here hasn't come in a little goofy about the god issue? You know, we we all have or most of us have.

And and I'm I'm sitting on step 2 obsessed like crazy. All I can think about is is getting loaded, and and my sponsor's got me reading this thing about in in a book, in those chapters says step 2. I've gotta read it for 30 days. And if I miss a day, I gotta start all over. So after 30 days, I I lied and told him I made it 30 days.

And and I I I didn't believe in God like like I was supposed to. That's what I was supposed to get out of this exercise. The problem was is is we never started with step 1. We never started with what the problem really was. You know, when I came to AA, I I thought my problem I thought step 1 meant that I drink too much, and when I drink, bad stuff happens.

I thought the the bad stuff was the the unmanageability in step 1. And so that became my my definition. That could that became my problem. And when I looked at it as my problem that way, the the solution, the steps didn't make a whole lot of sense because here I am, you know, I'm I'm clear of the booze. I'm I'm getting along with people, paying my bills, going to work.

All the bad stuff that happened quit happening. And by that definition, my problem was solved, basically, doing what I was doing. So I was I was perfectly okay with with, you know, going to 90, 90, and a 1000 and a 1000 and and doing you know, going to so playing sober softball and going to Denny's and and doing all the fellowship stuff because there was there was so much emphasis on on the fellowship, on on the activities, on the meetings instead of the steps and guide them working with others, at least the groups I was going to, but it was really easy to kinda get caught up in that and think that that's what AA was. And and and we all know, you know, what happens with that. Most people that come to us, especially today, I don't know what the success rates are for sure.

I know the numbers they're throwing around, and and they're terrible. Most people coming to AA aren't making it, you know, 10% at best, but I I think the number's lower than that. You guys probably might think so too from your own observations, watching people come and then wondering where the hell they are the next day. They're gone. And what happens is what happened with them at our meetings is they came for the solution.

They really wanted it. It's not like they weren't willing to go to any length. We did we just didn't give them anything to sink their teeth into. We told them to come back. Everything will get better.

Put the plug in the jug, think through the drink, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. And and when these these alcoholics came in and and tried to do this stuff, most of them didn't make it. Anybody here ever ever killed a newcomer? 1, 2, Anybody anybody ever have anybody die trying to follow trying to stay sober on the advice that you gave them? I had a I had a guy that came to me.

I was we'd worked together at the Austin State Hospital. It was a combat zone. We we were real tight. Every night, we were wrestling or tackling and tackling and tackling and and and you just kinda get real close to people when you're working in that kind of environment. And so I had about 5 years.

I I hadn't worked there in 5 years and he calls me up and says, man, are you still in AAN? I said, yeah. Says, I need help. I have got to stop drinking. So come on, man.

Let's let me pick you up. I'll take you to a meeting. And we go to this meeting, and I don't know what the topic was. It doesn't matter. But it it turned out to be one of these, you know, complaining meetings where everybody was just kinda pissing and moaning about their problems.

And we get in the car, and this guy just blast me after the meeting. He's like, you know, what in the hell was that all about? I'm like, what are you talking about? Says that that meeting, those people, what's what's the matter with them? I was I was like, nothing.

What's the matter with you? Well, then, I mean, all they did was just, you know, bitch and moan and and and they look like they're all ready to kill themselves. And I said, man, you've got a messed up attitude. It's not quite how I said it. But these people are sober, and you're not.

And and you ain't gonna make it with an attitude like that. If you're gonna get mad at the people and dislike the people who are gonna save your bacon, you ain't gonna make it. So he goes to another meeting, same thing, goes to another meeting, calls me up after that meeting, says the same thing. This this time, he's getting more more aggressive in his opinions and his comments. And and we go to the mat over the telephone, and I pretty much, you know, tell him that he ain't gonna make it if if his attitude doesn't change.

And a week later, Paul killed himself, and I didn't kill him. I I know that. However, if if I had been equipped with the right information to give this guy with something of substance rather than telling him to, you know, go to 90 90 and put the plug through in the jug and think through the drink. He might have had a shot if if the whole group had been doing what it's supposed to do, carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers, instead of trying to work on our own problems, he might have heard something that could sink his teeth into, and he might have he might have found a reason to take these steps. Nobody's gonna do these steps if they don't have a reason to do it.

And and and the main reason for doing it is to understand exactly what our problem was, which we never talked about in the groups I was going to. You know, when when, when we say we're powerless over alcohol, we're talking about 2 things. We're powerless over choice, whether we can drink whether we can choose not to drink and control how much we drink. I can't choose not to drink. I can't choose not to take the first drink, and I can't control how much I drink when I drink.

And when you got a mind that can't keep you from the first one and a body that can't keep you from the second drink, you're gonna die. And I didn't understand that is my problem because what we didn't we didn't use the big book, basically. In all honesty, people didn't bring them to the meetings. We had some kind of tucked in a little basket in the corner in case a Bitbuck study broke out. And, so, you know, you could just wander in and and and not have your big book and still be able to read the big book during the study.

But if if if we understand that that's what our problem really is and we understand that that if if we don't have power and we need power to stay sober, and that's exactly what these steps are designed to do. I thought the steps were all about, you know, turning Tom into a good boy and and helping me, you know, play well with others and kiss and make up with everybody and and all this other garbage because that that's kind of how it was presented to me. You know, if you get depressed, work the steps. If you're gonna get if you're getting divorced, do the steps. If if this is happening to you, do the steps.

There wasn't anything about if you don't wanna ever drink again for the rest of your life forever, do the steps. It was never presented like that. It was always presented as a solution to a a current problem. And if I'm not having any major current problems, I'm not I'm not gonna do these steps. I remember I had, I had I had, like, 15 years, and I was in a meeting.

It was it was a men's meeting. I don't know what the topic was. Again, it doesn't matter. But when you have 15 years, you know you're gonna get called on. And and sure enough, they they called on me.

They thought I might have something to say when, you know, the best I could do for 15 years is maybe make people laugh a little bit and throw some BS out there. And, you know, we could all tiptoe through the tulips together, but I never had anything of substance. And this time, I had nothing. I hadn't spent the time that I should have been spending preparing what I was gonna say in the event that I got called on. And and, of course, when the topic changes every time someone talks, you gotta you gotta change what you're gonna say, and and, you know, you wanna relate to this guy and you wanna relate to this guy, and it's all about relating to everything.

And and I was just there. I was like, I gotta be honest with you guys. I feel like I'm gonna drink again, and and I don't think it's gonna be today or this month or this year. I don't know when it's coming, but I'm I'm on this track. And and I can feel it, and I can't derail this train.

I can't I can't make a shift. And and and these I mean, these are my friends. These are I'm not I'm not knocking these people. All all we did with each other is is shared with us with other people what was shared with us, just like everybody in AA is doing. There's there's nothing.

Nobody means any harm. Everybody means the very best for everybody, but the advice was was kinda man made and not not big book made, not not based on any real experience. And so they came up and and suggested that I I start coming early and making the coffee and doing other stuff, doubling up on my meetings. And I'm thinking, you know, if if I gotta double double up in these open depression meetings, I'm gonna die. If if that's the answer to this, I'm I'm dead.

And and a couple years later, the thought came into my head. And and I had plenty of time to think about the consequences, to think about everything that ever happened before I got to the program. All the bad stuff, all the, you know, going to jail, writing bad checks, etcetera etcetera. All of all of these jams that we seem to get into, there's no way in hell I want to go back to that stuff. And and this time, I've done a really good job at putting the outside part of my life together.

You know, I've gone to, you know, UT, got a bachelor's and master's, had my own business, was making decent money, great wife, great kid, no triggers, nothing bad is going on, No issues. No nothing. So, you know, here I am for 17 years looking out for these triggers, and and there aren't any. And that thought comes into my head, and I start playing these tapes. And I start thinking about what will happen if I if I drink.

And in spite of everything that I thought about, and I think I was pretty accurate except for the dying part, I drank anyway, and I was I was I was absolutely completely shocked that that all the advice that I had heard in AA for so many years didn't work. You know? I I played the tape through as as well as anybody could play it through. I could remember everything. I could predict what would happen, and it didn't work.

I and I never quit going to meetings. I would my meeting attendance was at that time, it was about 2 to 3 a week because it's all I could take. But I I never had any spots where I wasn't going to meetings. I was I was doing what I was told to do, and it failed. And and when I got, you know, when I finally got sober again, I I met some people who understood the big book and how to work this program out of the book.

And when I started studying this thing, my eyes started to open up. And I I got news for you. There's a lot of stuff that they didn't tell us, about a a I I thought that I pretty much had heard everything and seen everything that could possibly be seen or heard in the program, and and we missed a lot of stuff, the the people that came before us. On page 24 in the pig book and if you have a book at home, I would encourage you to to go home and and pick out this paragraph and underline it, pan it yellow, cut it out, tape it to your mirror, something. This this is the money shot in the big book right here.

There we're we're talking about the the mental obsession. This is on page 24. The the first part of the book, the doctor's opinion, first 23 pages is all about the physical part of of the disease, the the allergy, the the phenomenon of craving. When I put booze in my body, I trigger a physical craving for more alcohol. I could never just go out and have 6, 7, or 8 drinks, which I didn't think was asking too much.

And stop. I could never do that. I could never go out and get drunk and then go home, get up, go to work the next morning, pay my bills, all this other stuff. It was it was always I always drank until I passed out, or I fell asleep, or I ended up in handcuffs or I ran out. Some of your housewives are are good I mean, you you guys do you guys drink NyQuil and Listerine?

I never thought of that stuff. Otherwise, you know, I never would have run out. I would have just gone down to Safeway or Skaggs or whatever grocery stores nearby and kept drinking all night. That's what happens when I put booze in my body. That that that phenomenon, that craving does not occur in normal drinkers.

It does not occur. It separates us from from the restaurant. If if we're gonna talk about what it is to be an alcoholic, we need to boil out the stuff that isn't an alcoholic. Okay? That's one of the things that separates us from from the other 90% or whatever that that don't seem to have caught the genetic bullet.

So when I put booze in my body, I crave booze. The answer to the craving is is don't drink. If you don't put alcohol in your body, you cannot physically crave it. Can't happen. After 2 or 3 days, 4 days, 5 days, we're detoxed.

The physical craving is gone. My problem is though is I can't keep from picking up that first drink and triggering that craving. I've got this this this mental disorder, this this malady that prevents me from from being able to stay sober for any length of time, thinking through the drink or playing the tapes through all this other stuff. Says that the fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called willpower becomes practically non existent.

We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago, we are without defense against the first drink. What this is telling me is that, you know, put the plug in the jug and think through the drink is is bullshit a swear word. It's it's erroneous. It doesn't work for real alcoholics. How did I stay sober?

Couldn't tell you. I couldn't write a book about it. And if I could, I wouldn't suggest you copy what I did. I don't know. The truth is, is when when I trust my mind to keep me sober, when I go through these exercises, I pull out my little trigger list or or you guys know what I'm talking about.

It ain't gonna help me stay sober. The first time around, I was I was too far away from the last drink by the time we started talking about the steps to feel enough pain to do the work. Okay? This time, I wasn't. This time see, last time, I knew that if I kept going, dying was a possibility.

This time around, I knew that that dying was around the corner. And I was pretty I was pretty messed up. I mean, all my hope all my hope was gone. You know, I after I relapsed, I had gone back to my old meetings. You know, I tried to get sober again, and and people avoided me.

Not because they were rude, I don't think, but I think because they didn't know what to say. I think that's probably most of it. The ones that did speak up said something like, well, man, I'm sure you've been sure glad you've been out there doing research for me, and, you know, I'm glad to see that it's not any good anymore. Oh, wait a minute. The the suffering alcoholic is supposed to carry the message into the room?

Is that the deal? We're so selfish that we're gonna we're gonna try to stay sober on somebody else's story? This paragraph is telling me, I can't I can't stay sober on my own damn story. What makes me think that that my story is gonna keep anybody else sober? Or that their story is gonna keep me sober?

Our our our drunk logs and and war stories are are appropriate when we're meeting somebody for the first time and we're exposing them to the program. But once they're here, that that time is over. They're here to hear some solution. And and what I heard was, you know, keep coming back, put the plug in the jug, you know, thanks for doing my research for me, blah blah blah blah blah. I was like, oh, I'm dead.

I'm just I'm gonna die from this thing. And I really believe that. I believed that that what I had experienced for 17 years was AA. And then if I went back to that, I was gonna die. And and I didn't have any hope of anything else until I I found these guys that were studying the book, and and they showed me this stuff.

They showed me exactly what my problem was in step 1. Can't keep myself from the first drink, can't keep myself from the second or 15th. And and it goes on and on and on, and there's nothing I can do without a power greater than myself to to get sober. And I told you I thought that that the steps were all about turning me into a good boy. It's got nothing to do with that.

The the steps are are designed to be worked quickly in a week or 2, and they're designed to remove everything that's blocking me from that power. The the selfishness, self centeredness, fear, resentment, They're designed to identify and and and tease out those things that are blocking me from that power that I have to have if I'm gonna live. And that's what these steps are all about. So when when they were put to me in that light, it kinda made sense that, you know, this this is the solution. Lack of power is my problem.

Power is my solution. I got a bunch of stuff blocking me from my solution. We ought to do some work to get that stuff unblocked, and then I'm good. I'm golden. And and it and it worked.

I mean, I I I took these steps in 12 days. I started sponsoring a guy when I had 3 weeks. I I wish he was still sober so I could brag about him some more. Yes. But, you know, he he wasn't done.

He he just wasn't done. But it's not because it's not because he didn't have somebody that that knew how to take him through the work and how to explain to him what his problem was. And and from that point on, I've been I've been out doing all sorts of stuff that I never thought I would do. I always I always thought, you know what? I did detox meetings and treatment center meetings my first 3, 4, 5 years, and I had a good time.

And I would go, and I'd make them smile and pass out chips and all this other stuff. But after a few years of that, my thinking is, well, you you know, shoot. We'll just let these new guys do it. You know, it's it's their turn. You know, let them, you know, cut their teeth on this stuff.

I'll sit back, and if a newcomer wanders into the meeting, well, I'll take up a chair, and that way I can say I'm doing 12 step work because the newcomer has to see someone here to get some hope. And so that was that was my cop out for for what I was doing. That's that's, you know, my dishonesty. I I knew I wasn't doing much. I knew I was skating by in the bare minimum, and and part of doing the bare minimum is not doing anything else.

And and I just I just kinda got comfortable with that stuff and and started doing that stuff and started lying to myself about what it was to carry this message, you know, giving people my phone number, telling them to call me, all this other stuff. And and if they if they called, I mean, I didn't know what to say to them anyway, but they didn't call, you know. The then most of them don't call unless you got some kind of strong message that makes them want to have what you have, but nobody wanted what I had. I had nothing to offer them. Yeah.

I was I was talking about how how a lot of emphasis has been placed on the fellowship, and I don't I don't wanna knock the fellowship part, because I've got some some great friends, big book thumpers, non big book thumpers, you know, whatever in AA. People that I've been friends with for 20 years that I still talk to. My all my buddies in Austin that are still around, I talk to them a bunch. I I see them when I go down there, and and I I cherish these these relationships. However, I I think I think one of our problems, one of one of the ways we could improve things is if we back off the fellowship part and maybe go on more little little more into the the program part of the deal, so that when these new people come, they've got something to hear besides, you know, come play poker with us, or let's go do this, or let's go do that.

How about let's go take these steps? You can have a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, and and you can have the coolest life you ever imagined. You know, the the coolest thing in the world is is to is to take a guy from from square one, just just shaking and vibrating in his shoes and going through this work and and watching them over 7 days, 8 days, 9 days completely change to where, you know, day 1, they're they're just hopeless. And on day 10 or 15, they're like, I gotta go to a detox meeting and tell some people about this stuff. You you can't shut these guys up when when they go through the work and and get that that experience.

I thought I had the experience. I I thought that, you know, because I did the 3rd step prayer every day that that I was golden. I I thought that's all I had to do. And and we all know from, you know, most of us from our own experience, the prayer isn't enough. If if prayer works so well, most of us wouldn't need AA.

Most of us would have prayed our way into sobriety, but it doesn't work like that. It's it's the action that we have to take through the steps. You know, in the forward to the second edition, it's kind of funny. It took me 17, 8 year 18 years in the program to to realize that our fellowship is is named after a book. The the basic text of a Alcoholics Anonymous were named after this book.

It says they're they're going through the history of of the first edition of the book and the time of the membership that reached about a 100 men and women. The fledgling society, which had been nameless, now began to be called Alcoholics Anonymous from the title of its own book. So we got this fellowship named after a book, Call Me Crazy, but but we should be doing what's in the book. The the fellowship should be based on what's in the book and not all these other little techniques and devices to stay sober for a 24 hour period. You know, what what we've done is we've designed little gimmicks and little tricks to help people stay sober for 24 hours instead of sit staying sober for good and all.

And and that's where we get a little things get a little dicey and we start to lose people because, you know, we tell them, okay. Now wake up at, you know, 8 o'clock in the morning, say your 3rd step prayer, call me, call your sponsor, and then you can make it to a noon meeting. That's 1 hour. You you won't drink. You can go to lunch with everybody afterwards.

In fact, a bunch go to Luby's. You can go and get a really great deal on the Luann platter, and and you can sit around and fellowship till about 2:30. Go home, take a nap, that'll kill a couple hours. You can get up, have dinner, that'll kill an hour, then you can make it to an 8 o'clock meeting. And and if you really want to be part of us, well, you gotta go to Denny's with us afterwards.

And we'll sit there until 10:30, 11 o'clock drinking coffee, pissing off the waitress because, she quit making money on us, you know, 2 hours ago. And then all you gotta do is drive home, thank God for keeping you sober, go to sleep, and do it all over again tomorrow, and we'll have all sorts of tricks for you to stay sober for a 24 hour period. What a what a tough way to to do this thing. I mean, that's that's hard. That that's real hard.

You know, one of the things that that happened with us is is we quit we quit qualifying people to see if they're real alcoholics, and and, you know, we're we're in this this age of we we don't wanna hurt anybody's feelings. We don't wanna say anything tough or controversial. We want everybody to feel comfortable. Somehow, we we got it in our minds that it it's better to to love someone to death than to piss them off a little bit and help them get to god as quick as possible. But that's that's what I did, and that's what, you know, people around me did is, you know, we would just we wouldn't say anything.

We'd let we'd let someone sit in in one of our meetings and talk and talk and talk about some selfish, self centered stuff when we know in the book that the the the selfishness and self centeredness has to get removed or we die. If this stuff doesn't get removed, we're gonna drink again, and to drink is to die. But we're we're allowing these people to to engage in something that's that could kill them. They're not focused on on anybody else. They're not focused on the newcomer.

They're not focused on other people. They're focused on our on themselves. And to allow people to do this for for years years is really kind of a disservice. You know, sponsors, friends, you know, talk to these people. Point them towards the steps.

Point them towards god. I one of the biggest kept secrets in, in AA is that we can't work on ourselves. Countless people come in and and I hear them talking in the meetings. They're talking about, I'm working on myself. I'm working on my character defects.

I'm working on this. I'm working on this. The book's real clear that that we can't remove this stuff ourselves. We can't do it, but we spend all sorts of time trying. The the truth is if we take these steps and we we have this psychic change, this this spiritual awakening, if you will, and and focus on helping others get to it, god fixes all that stuff.

But nobody believes it because they they don't try it. They're they're still kind of stuck on this on this notion that, you know, a is a self help group, and and we can come in and talk about our problems. And if we can talk about them enough, we won't have to drink over them. The truth is we don't drink because of our problems. I don't drink because, you know, of my childhood or because my dad was a jerk, or my mom had square nipples, or, you know, that's that's a little pause for laughter.

We don't drink over our issues. Otherwise, everybody that never had a problem or an issue would be an alcoholic. We drink because being sober sucks. It's it's real clear. We drink because we are restless, irritable, and discontent No matter what's going on, whether life is great or life is in the toilet, we are naturally dissatisfied, naturally unhappy.

Never. We we never feel like we we belong in the world. I I mean, it's just kinda like it's kinda like you you know, you ever watch a dog do a couple laps on the carpet looking for, just the the best spot to sit down, and when he finally finds that that right spot, he just drops and everything's okay. We're like that dog going around in circles, and we never find our spot unless we drink. If we drink, we can get okay.

If we drink, we're not restless. We're not irritable. We're not discontent. It's when we don't drink that that we see our alcoholism. The the the the absolute self absorption and and and just the the need to to arrange everything in our lives just the way we want them, only to find out that once we get everything the way we want them, it is what what we wanted anyway.

I could never get happy with anything. I always wanted to be doing something, and once I started doing it, it it was never the right thing and I'd go try to do something else. Not happy, not happy, not happy. I was always running around trying to get happy and the only thing that ever fixed that was the booze. My problem is is is that my solution to my problem, the booze, turned into a really big problem.

And, you know, when it quits working, we need to do something drastic like do these steps. You know, I was I remember being 22, 23 years old thinking, you know, this this is a little drastic, this this getting sober and and going to AA and all this stuff. You know, was I really that bad? And that, you know, that that's how we think. We don't understand exactly what the real problem was.

If I had understood what the problem was back then, I might be up here with 20 years today or or maybe not. I don't know. However, if if I had gotten the message when I came for the message, things could have turned out differently. Paul could still be alive. All sorts of things could have happened.

There's could be a lot of people that that we love, that we've seen go back out that could still be here with us today, you know. And and trust me, it wasn't because they didn't want it. I didn't drink because I didn't wanna wanna be sober. I I did wanna be sober. I drank anyway because I had no defense, and these folks that come to us have no defense.

They last longer than a week or a month. So if if what it says on page 24 is true, if we got a week or a month before we lose our defenses, we got a week or a month to get to this solution and get to it quickly. I'll be right back. Just like damn everybody else I've talked to in the program, most of us think that the steps take a long time, because we were told they take a long time. That, you know, step 1, you gotta do some writing.

Step 2, you gotta do some writing. Step 3, well, when you're ready, we'll let you take step 3 because you gotta believe in God before you take step 3. Step 4, depending upon how old you are, it's gonna be 40, 50, 60 pages. Do it early. You know, step 5 is gonna be this 8 hour torture session.

Step step 6 and 7, well, I don't know if I wanna remove everything, so we just sit there. 89, you know, we we think about making our amends, but by the time we get to, we're pretty much out of gas. And so, you know, going around and making amends isn't a very attractive proposition. In 1011,012, I I can't do those because I haven't finished step 9. And so this was my understanding of of how the work was done, and it wasn't presented in a very appealing manner.

That's not what it says in the book. In fact, it's it's it's a it's a huge cry from what it says in the book. Step 1 is, like, we read every meeting is a is a pertinent idea. When when I take a guy through the work, I'll just I'll just pick on someone, Jason. I actually took him through the work.

We're gonna sit down, and and I'm gonna go through the doctor's opinion in the first 43 pages. We're gonna talk about this craving that we have and and how it triggers, you know, a craving for more alcohol. We're gonna talk about this mental obsession. You know, did you ever have a good reason not to drink and drink anyway? Yes.

Have you done it a bunch? Oh, yeah. Do you think if if you didn't get help, you could stop drinking on your own? No. Great.

You're done with step 1. Step 2, where you at with god? Like him, hate him. You know, he's okay. Well, let me let me explain something to you.

You know, if if you take belief in god and put it on a on a 0 to a 100 scale, where 0 is there ain't no god and a 100 is I just play golf with him. You don't gotta get to a 100. I thought you had to get to a 100. Must the way my sponsor was was working with me, I had to get to a 100 to move on to step 3. You just gotta believe that you can get to 1.

You don't even have to get off as you are. You gotta believe that you can get off the the mark. And if you can do that, you're in. You are in the club. You know?

How it works, we we we read this every meeting. You know, God could and would if he were sought. It means if he were sought, not if he were found. I don't have to find God and believe in God a 100% to to take step 3. I just gotta take step 3.

I thought step 3 was just a little lip service, kinda like, hi, god. I'm here too. Help me. And and step 3 is actually a pretty damn big deal if you if you look at the words. It's it's a it's a big deal that that we're striking with god, you know, offer myself to thee to build with me and do it in his thy will.

We're pretty much offering everything to him, and he can do whatever he wants. You know, you're you're the driver. I'll ride shotgun. Whatever you say goes. Relieve me of the bondage of self, which on the fur on the previous pages, we've we've determined can kill us.

We're asking him to remove this thing that that can kill us, and if you do that, I will better do your will. Take away my difficulties, which at this point isn't the booze. The booze is already gone by the time we're on step 3. Now we're talking about our difficulties, and and and I would submit to you and I I know this is gonna it's just gonna rub some people the wrong way, and I'm sorry. But what if what if some of these some of this baggage we're carrying around, some of this regret, some of this self pity from things that happened to us, some of these, you know, issues, abuse, incest, whatever.

What if this stuff is a spiritual problem and can be removed by God? Just think about that. Wouldn't that be cool? What if this stuff is spiritual? What if, you know, I wasn't responsible for what happened to me when I was 5, but I'm damn sure responsible for carrying the resentment around for 38 years, and I used it to justify a lot of my bullshit behavior.

What if this stuff is spiritual in nature? What if that stuff is the self centeredness? Wouldn't it be cool if he would take that away? And all we have to do is, bear witness to those you would help with his power, his love, and his way of life. Go tell everybody about it.

How cool would that be? That's that's that's happened with me. I mean, that's that's what it's like to be me. I don't I don't have any regrets about the past, wish I had a different past, but good god. I mean, I I use I use my past, my history to to carry this message, and and it's it's turning into one of the biggest assets for me.

Relapsing with 17 years sucks, and and it's a real ego beating to to cash in, you know, a 1987 sobriety date. And I hated that happening. However, there's no way in hell I would have gotten up on this, lecture tonight and shared any of this stuff with you guys if I hadn't gone through that. And if I hadn't found some guys that understood how to do the work out of the book, the way the guys did it back in the thirties when the success rates went through the ceiling. Cool?