The 35th anniversary of the Rexdale United Group in Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Is that the watch? No. No. Oh, I better put this for too so I don't okay. Good.

Thanks. Good evening, everyone. My name is Ron. I'm an alcoholic. A grateful member of, Grupo Serengrad, which is basically just me and God.

I've been a loner for the last 15 years in my sobriety. And I'd like to thank very much Jeanette and those that she serves for asking me to speak tonight. I'm not really sure what to say. I'm not sure what, but, if I knew I was gonna be asked to speak I would have put on a better buckle. I began drinking at a very young age.

I remember, getting loaded on apple cider at a hockey party. And, then getting really ripped at a grade 6, elementary grade 6 party on Southern Comfort. I've never been able to drink since then. Not the Southern Comfort, I don't know. And, one thing that was weird about alcohol is it made me no matter what was happening in my life, it made it made it made me feel bad.

It was this magical cure that came in that kinda just flowed over me like like a like a warm shower, and everything was okay. And, I began to pursue that. And I believe for the longest time in May, when I first came in, I started to, I I believed that I didn't have principles. And I believe today that I was mistaken. I I always did have principles.

Though my love for alcohol became so strong it became the center of my life, and as it began to to spin and my life began to get out of control, everything was in focus on how I can maintain that center, that my alcohol. I couldn't play hockey anymore because it got into my time and money, and I couldn't do this and I couldn't do that. And slowly I began this pursuit for this relationship with this alcohol. And, I drank hard, and I felt proud that I could drink the way I did, And I started to feel a little bit my dad's in a my dad sobered up when I was 9 months old, And so I grew up going to Al Anon, Alatins, and roundups and and all this and, you know, being forced by those Al Anon's that read in their flicking meeting, all this stuff. And, I don't know.

So in a way, I think it was a weird way that my dad was able to pass on that message. You know, suddenly when I was about 14, I remember coming home really loaded and getting sick and my mom bursting into my brother's room, my older brother's room, gonna ground them because someone had got sick by the bathroom, by by the toilet. And my brother woke up. He said, I was studying. I'm like, what are you talking about?

And then suddenly he came into my room, and I was like, holy smokes. And I was always different. I was, you know, I loved alcohol, you know, and, I loved the people that loved alcohol, and, I began to pursue that. And, I was a weird chap because, I mean, I remember being 14, 15 years old, and all my my older brother's girlfriend's older brother was one of my buddies. You know, some of my buddies were 30, 32, and they accepted me as one of their own.

And I was, and, you know, I I dang with them and partied with them. This pursuit began to, slowly as this vicious cycle of alcoholism got out of control. I remember the last years of my drinking, it was drinking with me was like trying to make a margarita. I mean, my emotions were in the blender, and people just didn't know how wrong I was gonna act. Not even me.

I go into a bar room and have a beer one second I'm happy go lucky next second I'm breaking a pool cue and breaking breaking things and then suddenly I'm crying and just out of control, you know. And as this began I slowly started to seem to lose a lot of friends. People didn't seem to want to be around me. And, really had bad luck with women. Really bad luck with women.

And, I'm not too sure why but I just really had really bad luck with women. And, suddenly in January, right after Black Friday in Alberta, I before that I got kicked out of hockey I just thought I was a little bit too violent and did a lot of other stuff and got kicked out of schools and, I went into welding industry and, that kind of put me back on track. Well, January 19, or September 19 87, right after Black Friday in in Alberta, well, that's when the tornado went through. I was on a construction site and, I picked up, didn't have a dime in my pocket. I was in love with this sick woman, and and she didn't know I was in love with her.

She just didn't love me, and so I picked up with 25¢ in my pocket and landed here in Toronto at the very peak of my alcoholism and, drank for another 4 months, very miserable, very tough place to drink for Trump. Not very the way I drank you didn't seem not to make people want to sit down and have a drink with me. And I worked up at Kipling and stuff up at Steeles in Islington, and my boss gave me a bottle for my Christmas. At the time I was on antidepressants, and the doctor, seemed to have think that I had to, suffer from depression a little bit. My last drunk, big drunk, you know, one of those medal winner ones, was January 1st, or January second, 1980.

And, I was taking my antidepressants and I was drunk and on this big pity party and, decided I'm gonna commit suicide. So I started I cut my arm up from here up and called the suicidal prevention line. It was the the operator said it was busy, so I went went and poured myself another drink, did a couple more cuts from down from up here up to here, and called again. And after the 5th time, the operator said, you're still in Toronto? The law operator said, you still haven't got through yet?

I said, no, what do you want me to do, make a decision? So I woke up the next morning. I had cuts all over my chest and all over my arm, and, that was my last, big medal winner. And, my brother was sitting at the foot of my bed saying, what's wrong with? What's wrong with you?

I didn't know. I just didn't know. And, it was just a real bad tear. That was all. And, I, went to church and to Maunco was a poor one of those poor alcoholic who died of alcoholism.

And, I went to go pray for him. And, I don't know. After that, leaving there, I thought, you know, I'm gonna go to Al Anon because I go to Al Anon up at isn't, up at the road up here. Up at the there's a mall up there. There was a meeting there.

Albion. Albion. And, there's this girl came up, she goes, after the meeting in Ireland and said, you know, why don't you go why don't you go out tomorrow night? And I thought I was gonna get lucky, I mean. I'm not saying this because I'm proud, but this is just what my story was.

And, I thought, well, finally, I'm gonna meet this girl, and we're gonna hook up. And she brings me to a meeting. She brings me brings me to a to a meeting. And I remember this isn't for me. No way.

Seeing the slogans and everything inside me fighting it. No way. This isn't for me. This is not for me. And then at that meeting, a beautiful blonde girl comes up, says, keep coming back.

And I said, woah, there's another possible prospect. And, a really funny thing happened because as I kept coming back trying to find this this pretty late, you know, something really weird happened to me because my whole life, you know, the doctors would say, you know, I could the the psychologist would say, you know, you have a lot of you have a lot of, anger. You gotta hit your pillow at night. And the the psychiatric would say, you know, here's Sumantal and Prozac and then Ipermid. And the priest would say, you know, go to confession and participate in the Eucharist.

And and no one just said, hey, stupid. Quit drinking. You know? I always felt different. But coming to these meetings looking for those pretty girls, I identified.

And I did not identify because of concepts or traditions or people beating me up with the big book. I it's about the 6th 6th after we're talking about meetings. And, people falling over Christmas trees being drunk and say, I I did that, you know. And that's just how it worked. And after I identified, I remember I was about 2 months coming to this meeting, that it just the light came on.

And I'll tell you, you know, Alcoholics Anonymous is, I believe, Rexdale United saved my life. It's, and I think it's one of the best examples of a that I've ever seen. Alcoholics Anonymous loved me until I was able to love myself. And, I started coming to meetings and I had these real you know, crazy sponsors and crazy as a loon and, started sweeping floors and washing dishes and going to the Metro West and going to the going to the Humber Hospital, I think it was. And going here, going there and going to district, going to over here, going over I mean, they kept me I didn't have time to think of a drink.

I mean, we just don't have time. We gotta go. We gotta go. And, actually I think I the first time I did my 3rd my my third step was I was with my sponsor Bob g and we're in a little 5 fiberglass Corvette flying up to 401 about 230 kilometers an hour and I throw my wheel of life over the carat got I mean, it's just crazy, you know, and but I identify, you know? And it's funny and, slowly, you know, I remember my first kind of oh, but hey, it's been a while, but about 1st 6 months to 9 months I remember crying all the time, just breaking out crying, sitting in Bob's van over there in the back all full of that roof and stuff and then crying.

When's the pain gonna go? When's the pain gonna go? Man, I was hurting. I was really hurt and I don't know why and, then, I was about a year and a half sober, decide to, you know, pack it up. I'm gonna go back out west, and it just wasn't right.

I mean, I don't know if you ever moved an a, but it's it's really hard. I mean, a is just not right anyway. I mean, the only good age is where you receive the message, you know. And it is really tough. And because I was a little bit loud mouth and a little bit opinionated, a little bit, suffering from my alcoholism, a lot of these new groups didn't really appreciate my point of view, you know.

I was rather open in saying, oh, this isn't right. You know, you just don't do this thing right. And I really slowly started to bottom out. I must have been about 4 years sober about 4 years sober. The boom died down out west, the oil went bad, and, no work.

Couldn't find work anywhere. Depressed, went bankrupt, went down to and, went bankrupt completely bankrupt. My life was completely unmanageable for 4 years old And, boy you feel like a loser You know, I'm doing everything right, why is this thing not working? I think the big book says waves of the past come falling in after us. I was doing some big rip curls.

I mean, I was I was hanging 10. But I was hanging on, you know. And, one of the things that I kept trying to do with members of this group, basically, people like John and Jim and Janet and, the Irish guy, mc McGrath. McGrath. Anyway, a lot of the people, you know, trying to apply what was taught and it was not easy.

You know? And one thing I think that I've realized today in my in my spiritual awakening is I have not quit drinking. You know? It says, a, that no alcohol that no human power could relieve me of my alcoholism. I have not done it.

God, through his power, keeps me sober one day at a time. It's as simple as that. And all that I have to do all that I have to do is try and seek and do his will in my life, and in turn he keeps me sober. It's as simple as that. It is not any more difficult than that.

My difficult part is I'm not all that well in tune with the will of God. That's my problem. I remember, at the world conference I came back here, I carried the flag for Peru. That was an experience. And, and I'm in the lineup and we did this thing and all these people are there, right?

And this guy from Poland comes up to me right before I carry the flag and he goes I don't know why but God wants me wants me to give this to you And because I'm so in tune with with God's wisdom, I said, well, thank you very much. Thank you. And I was gonna throw it in the garbage when I get to my hotel, But I'm being diplomatic. Right? So I go over.

John gets me hooked up into the information thing over on them. So I spent all you know the whole you know conference in the whole information booth and after the concert I throw everything back in by back into my suitcase and I'm off back to Peru. As soon as I land, I'm going to a meeting. I go to the group of Ray, Ray Cooperacion and there's this guy comes up and he goes hi. Wrong.

Excellent. There's a guy that speaks just a little English, speaks no Spanish, very little English. He's some guy from Poland. I said is that right? I said, you know, I seem to have I have a I have a I have a package for him.

He goes, what? You didn't even need them. But this guy that was 22 things behind me had given me a Polish big book. The one that I thought, what the heck? Here I am some I'm just a honky ton cowboy from Alberta living living in Peru what am I gonna do with a Polish big book book?

I mean, you know. And I landed I landed in Lima. I go to the Grupo Rey, Cuperacion, and there's this Polish guy. And I gave him the book. I said, here you go.

What I'm saying what I I I'm not saying that what I'm trying to say there is I think so often the god of my understanding asks us to do things. And because I'm so fixed on, no, this is my agen this is the agenda, pull out the old palm or the blackberry and say, no, 9 o'clock I'm pretty well booked, you know. That's how I try and that's how I try and live today, right? The only thing is I kind of palm pilot God right out of my life. And, so, when I first went to when I went to I went bankrupt.

In part of the 11th step it says to, if you're a member of a of a faith, go back to that faith. They suggested to go back to that faith to become an active part of it. So in my mind that means God wants me to be a priest. And, so I go to bible school and I'm learning to be at this I'm gonna go I mean, gotta I mean extremes. And I go there and I go to I'm at the bible school for a year and, you know, there's no work, you know, I'm just playing with them.

I just went bankrupt. My life's completely unmanageable. And this guy goes, you know, for discernment, why don't you go down to South America and discern your your vocation? I said, perfect. Like, I mean, they're gonna feed me.

They're broom, bored. I mean, knew another culture, so I I took off. I went down south. Needless to say, I was there about 3 months and fell in love and, married the most wonderful God or the group would've asked me to write down on this piece of paper the best life that you can that you're gonna have after you come into aid, if I would have did that and had to stick to it, I would have sold myself short. Since I've sobered up, you know, I've when on, this, you know, you know this cowboy welder, you know, takes off and now I went and learned, became an underwater welding inspector, certified welding inspector, quality manager now and just through the grace of God, you know.

I'm just some, you know, just trying to do what's in front of me, trying to serve. After I got married, now my new mission is my family. So I went back into welding and, sorry, first when I as I was when I was a missionary, we began a little group. And I was there every day so we were able to and it was you know what? My hat's off to any old timer that has started a new group.

I've tried that, and I suck. I I mean, I don't know if you guys can really if you're anything like I was, to go to the church, open up every day every day and sit down in that chair and wait and no one shows. Day after day after day after week after month. It is tough. After month.

It is tough. Our little group slowly started to grow through the grace of God. And, but it was tough because no, tuaretsong gringo. You're a gringo, you don't understand our ways, you know. They said, you know, they can continue to drink work A and it's got life's gonna get better.

I said, well, I don't know. You must be going to b b because what you're talking about sure in the hell isn't it? And but, after when I started working again, slowly this group wanted to do it their way. And something really strange happens. Slowly the group died, and now there's no one left.

I'm not saying they went out and got loaded and everyone's dead. There's only fellow, he's still sober or he's still alive, and, Jose is that one. But out of the 12 people that were constant at the meeting, everyone's dead. And that's the worst part, you know. Going to people's funerals and saying, you know, I coulda helped this person, but, you know, that's the funny thing about alcoholism, isn't it?

You know? And I think that's where the biggest cruncher for me that helped me say, yes, I am an alcoholic. If the doctor would have said, you know what? You have disease x, you take medicine y, and you're gonna get better. Not a single disease that I know of who says, no.

You are not a you don't have disease x. And this fight internal in my mind that tries to convince me why this medicine, why doesn't I don't have to take, and know that I'm different, and the only disease that I can think of like that is alcohol. As I began to serve, I'd like I said, the things when I went to Peru, I didn't speak up. But it says, good morning, miss Gonzales. And the first lady that I met is this, you know, Juanita or whatever.

It is I mean, it was just horrible, you know. Talk about how do you pass the message? I mean, to pass the message, you sit down, you, you know, sit down the guy, you buy him a coffee, and they share, you know, share from your heart what happened, what it used to be like, or what what is it like now. You can get there and they're all speaking some Spanish language. You go there and you look at a flipping menu and you order something to eat and you get this little, you know I don't know even what guinea pig is but you order this you order a chicken you get this flat guinea pig that's fried it's like what's this you know and so what I did was I went out and I bought a whole bunch of literature and a whole bunch of literature and it says I started handing out big books.

You know, all I have to do is stay sober is is hand out the big book or pass the message. This is the message here. Read this. Read this. Go on to hospitals.

Go on to the jails in Peru. And, pass him the message. And, that was frustrating. You go to there and you hand all these things to these sick alcoholics that are gonna die. Fernand, yeah, became member of the group and died after.

One of the doctors stole his book and after handing all these books you go downtown Moa, Keibo, where I live, and all these experts of alcoholism finally, you know, recently. You know? The doctor's stealing the flipping big book from these sick people, and suddenly they're experts in alcoholism, and they're charging, like, you know, 50 soles or whatever an hour. You know? But all I tried to do is just try and continue to serve where a had asked.

I really I've never did this before, I hope. I'm sharing from the heart at least. And, as I began to serve, you know, my favorite, you know, I did all kinds of, you know I remember when I was railroaded by Rexdale to become a GSR, you know. Like, I was only 6 months sober. I said they wanted a GSR.

No one wanted to do it. And they said well you know you do it I'm only 6 months and go ahead no that's just a guess that you go ahead and do it And you know what? But it kept me sober, you know. And, after that, you know, I was serviced, served, in in Peru, I I was I served the term as a class b trustee in their in their general service office. You wanna see sick, you gotta see what happens at the general at that level.

I mean, that is sick. I mean, there's a reason we have class a trustee. Let me tell you. And, anyway, I don't wanna wash my dirty lawns. I don't know the our our dirty lawns, the outside of the house.

Right? But, but you know, the purpose is is, you know, stay sober. And I'd like to say, you know, but for the grace of God, the, that means that means a whole different thing to me today. You know, the dictionary says grace is an unmerited gift, and that's exactly what it is. I have done nothing, and will be able to do nothing to return the gift of sobriety that a a through instruments like yourselves have given.

And through that sense of gratitude, I feel that it's my duty to try and serve others. And I believe that, you know, a lot of times we seem to put a lot of senses on years. After I received my 1st year medallion here at this group, that wasn't one of my last medallions that I had ever received. Actually, for about I was about 14 years sober or whatever. I was talking to John, and he I I think it was John.

And he said, how long have you been? So I didn't remember. I mean, when you have no group, you're you're a loner. Right? What do you do?

Right? I mean, you stop the years don't seem to important as much. It's the fruits of the program, you know, the happiness, joyous and free. You know, the feeling of being able to love another another person, and give so freely of yourself that was what was so freely given to you. And that's what makes that's what makes sobriety worthwhile.

Not a cake, not a medallion. Not And I remember coming in here and feeling like the scum of the earth, and having people a lot of the people sitting here, coming up and hugging me and saying, keep coming back. This works. And not and not feeling it, but they say, well, if they said, I'm coming back. And one day at a time, being able to, through the grace of God, stay away from that first drink.

And I'd like to say that, the journey being tough, you know. And, just because I've been sober didn't mean that life didn't stop giving me lemons. All it did was a taught me how to make lemonade. And, one day at a time, like I said, I just try and work my program that way. It says that I'm a, that we're proudest over our call, that no that no human power could relieve us over our call, zen.

B, that probably no human power could relieve. You know that God could and would if he were stopped. And that's what I try and do today. I try and seek and do his will for his will in my life, and in turn, he keeps me so. And I think that's one of the reasons why I I didn't say no to I've never done this before.

So I've been, and I was a little bit worried because at times I have diarrhea of the mouth. It just keeps running. So, I've been watching that clock quite I was told to keep it quite short because, Jim said he was hungry. So With all gratitude you know, at the world conference I came and, my buddy John here surprised me with my 15 year medallion. And, which it was a very nice gesture, you know.

I'd like to thank, thank him and I'd like to thank each and every one of you for giving me this gift. And I hope and pray that, you know, one day at a time I'll I'll try and reach out to the, you know, to instill something alcohol. And, with that, I'd like to thank you all very much for my sobriety and, wish you another 24 hours.