The A Vision For You group in Union, NJ

Welcome to the Vision for You group of Union. We meet here every Thursday night, and we don't usually meet here. We meet up in the front, but there's another equally important event taking place tonight. It looks like a pre k graduation. And and so we celebrate tonight a little graduation of our own.

We're gonna vary our format a little bit this evening. Also, we're gonna have a speaker, but we're gonna take a few minutes to, recognize group members who are celebrating, milestones, some anniversaries, and, that's how we do it here in AA. And I just saw both of the gentlemen coming in, and I had hoped they had someone ready to present them with their coins. And I asked Peter if he had anybody. He says, no.

You could do it. And then I asked Walt, I said, did you have anybody to give you a coin? He said, no. I don't have anybody. And then he said, you can do it.

So I'm a customer as I enter public speaking. I'll I'll give it a try. It's really an honor. However it came together, it came together, but, both of these gentlemen have been instrumental in in my recovery. Walt was one of the first gentlemen I met.

Well, before I start that, let's let's let's start the meeting in a traditional fashion with the serenity prayer, And those who who care, please join in. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Serenity, courage, and wisdom, and we'll see that tonight up here at the podium, once I sit down. But, Walt I I met Walt. Walt was one of the first individuals who I met in in in our fellowship who let me know that there was something else besides meetings, who let me know that the steps were not just words written on a window shade, who let me know the difference between the 1212 and the and the book Alcoholics Anonymous, who told me through his words and through his actions about this program of action that was associated with the 12 step as they were written in that book, Alcoholics Anonymous.

Walt is something of a wordsmith, so I I will say tonight that he had the temerity to correct me one night on a chair that I made from the floor. Pulled me aside after a meeting. It was an afternoon, actually. He pulled me aside, and I didn't like that. I didn't take it too kindly.

I mean, it was a share for goodness sake, you know. I just but he had a point in mind, and he had a seriousness in mind also about that point. And that seriousness stayed with me long after the point was made. He was dead serious about those words that are contained in our first 164 pages. And if I'm sharing from the floor or if I'm speaking from the podium or if I'm writing a book, I need to be as precise and definite as he is about these words.

And although I certainly was able to move on past that initial resentment, it just showed me the seriousness of the of the fellow. And our past would cross from time to time. And from him, indirectly, I was led up to Berkeley Heights where I began to experience a solution. I began to experience some freedom from my alcoholism, And I I I'm grateful to him for that, and I wanna thank him for that. And we he's always been a part of of what we've done, and we came together with the notion to to put together a group in union that might be a little different than our average AA meeting.

If we were really, really happy and and enthralled with the meetings we're going to, we would have never had that conversation. But we did, and and the conversation that ensued took in a lot of people in a lot of forms, and what we ended up with was a vision for you, literally and figuratively. And what we do is we come together here every Thursday night, and we share our particular message of experience, strength, and hope. That working the steps out of the big book, you can achieve freedom. And ironclad guarantees are made either in the driveway or from the podium or, immediately after the meeting, and and conditions met, conditions followed, and people get free.

And to be a part of that is something that I surely would not have wanted to miss. And my friendship and association with Walt is is very important to me, and I, you know, I love both these guys. I love Bart too. I love everybody here tonight, but I I I love I love both these guys, and, the word friend is probably the best appellation I could give Walt. And right now, he's celebrating 15 years as Walter m.

Everybody, I'm Walton. I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Walt. Not used to having this much volume. I'm listening to Charlie, and it's really, by the grace of God, in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, the big book.

The love and support found in these rooms as well as the support I receive at home from my family. God, this thing is bothering me. I'm listening to Charlie, and I'm I'm trying to figure out who the heck he's talking about. Because it doesn't it doesn't sometimes feel like that's how I reflect. But and I think that's because, hopefully, I've tried to be a little free from me, and to let the power of God flow through me at certain times.

And I have no idea that encounter he's talking about. I don't ever remember it. Just going to show that it's this that much more easier to give a resentment than to get one, I guess. I don't know. But, you know, as I look back past the last decade and a half, and it feels weird to say that, but, you know, 15 years, where did it go, and and what have I done, and what's the quality of my life been, and what have I done with that time?

It's not necessarily the accumulation of of minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. It's what I'm doing moment to moment with the the time I'm given, the time I'm I'm allotted. Quite frankly, I I feel I'm living on borrowed time, and I have to give back to the society in so many ways that I can't even count, immeasurable ways. I I always feel that I'm drawing on the debit side of the ledger, so when I have an opportunity to pass on what's been given to me, I try to take advantage of it, capitalize on it, maximize it, whatever you wanna call it. But I look back at the the young kid that showed up here 15 years ago, just getting out of a treatment facility on June 23, 1992.

June 24th, that's Peter's date, that's why it's in my mind. And congratulations to Peter's as well. And, you know, wandering out and thinking of the old Groucho Marx line, you know, do I really wanna be associated with people, you know, like me? Really, do I want to be part of an association that would have me? And, you know, I've I've wondered that from time to time, but I know I have no other opportunity.

I have no other option spiritual center to find that spiritual center that I always I always was wandering looking for through other means and methods in life. Is that my time? Do I have to stop now? And I always feel awkward celebrating because, this is something I can't claim. It's not mine to to stake.

It's something I've been given. It it's that last gasp that that God injected me with to say, here's your 2 options, death and drinking or sobriety and and spirituality. That's the only 2 options that I can live between. It's not whether or not I drink. It's what I'm doing with the moments I got and trying to grow closer to this power that, for some reason, allowed me to be here for as long as I have.

And I don't think it's a very long time, quite frankly, because there's a lot more work I gotta do. And if I think I'm done, then I'm I'm doomed. You know, it it's just amazing because the only thing that's kept me going from time to time has been the fellowship. And then when I found the the spiritual program of action as outlined in the basic text, I mean, my life took off. And for a little while, I wondered, was it really worth the time that I accumulated?

And regardless of what happened or didn't happen, I have to say yes. Because I met so many wonderful people along this journey. I've made so many great friendships that have come and gone, and that's okay because life is is constant momentum. I'm not here to make friends and and I that sounds a lot more callous than I mean it, but I'm here to save my life. And, you know, at whatever cost and it's not to to directly offend and it's not meant to hurt and it's not meant to harm.

But, you know, if I wanted to make friends, I'd join a volleyball club. I'd do something. I'd take an adult course. There's lots of other ways for me to to make friends. My only aim and option and my only aim and hope here is to just find that spiritual center, hold on to it for dear life, and continue going.

And with that, I'm just gonna shut up and take this thing and shove it down my throat if I feel like drinking. And I'll turn it back over to Charlie. Thanks. Charlie, still an alcoholic. I I dug these coins out of our our box.

Someone had entrusted us with a bunch of coins and literature when we got started that they had from a meeting and they no longer need it. And what are the chances of finding a 15 year coin and a 19 year coin and some other coins all all stuck together? Last week, I just found exactly what I needed. We we're gonna have someone celebrate 90 days here, but she was she has another obligation. So I I carried all these coins around me today.

You know, I can't I kinda need having, like, over 40 years of sobriety, like, in my pocket. Like, should I should I ever need this? You know, it it's right here. But, no, there it was, a 15 to 19, everything I needed, you know. Just joking with Peter.

I said I could find 2 tens, but you gotta give me a 1, you know. It is really easy to sing the praises of a of a of a teacher in public, of a spiritual teacher, you know, who's also a friend, who's also a home group member, who's also an alcoholic just like me. And I know there's a gentleman here that drove a long way to speak, so I'm gonna try to keep it as brief as I can. I saw this gentleman speak in Summit, New Jersey a number of years ago. Somebody invited me up to a group anniversary.

He said, you gotta see this guy. He's he's he's a great speaker. And I I wasn't familiar with the concept of circuit speakers or a speaker being anybody else than somebody that you asked 5 minutes before the meeting starts, would you speak tonight? Which is, one of our traditions in New Jersey, but this was something a little bit different. And and he forever he forever changed how I would look at this sacred trust of standing behind a podium at the front of a room called Alcoholics Anonymous.

I was of the school of a rambling roller coaster ride of a drunkalog that had laughter and tears and inside references to other substances. And as I would look at the clock and we would draw to a close, I would announce that then I came into AA and my life my life has never been better. We have a nice way of closing. And it seemed to work. People liked it.

People said it had a great message. And or they liked what I whatever. It seemed to work for a bit, but this gentleman was speaking about something else. And he continues to speak about something else. And there's plenty of that there.

I mean, he told about the fishing trip and I heard about guys. I grew up in Staten Island and I heard about guys from Brooklyn that he was talking about that I felt like I knew intimately. You know? Only I was running from these guys because I usually owe them money or was on a short end of some sort of a ledger with these people, but I I knew who he was talking about. I grew up with those guys.

And he talked about them and his home group and and talked about a lot of stuff. Talked about some of the some of the concrete experiences in meditation. There were about the opposite end of a spectrum from a fishing trip that went off the Dock and Bay Ridge with a bunch of guys out of the Sopranos to an intimate spiritual awakening that he had and concrete stuff that he's experienced. And, what happened was he began to move closer. He moved from Brooklyn to Staten Island, from Staten Island to Union, and we or we began to become geographically closer.

And he became involved in a circle of friends that were plotting this new AA meeting to spring on the unsuspecting public. And we got together at a coffee shop up the road and we put our heads together, and and somewhere along the line, I asked him if he would would sponsor me because I thought it'd be a good thing being sponsored by someone I admired so much and had the admiration of a lot of other people. I would maybe even get that by osmosis, what I tried to get back in the beginning. And one of the first things we dealt with was that I need you to be free of me as soon as possible. I was, why?

You know, can't I just tag along forever? Like, you know, I was gonna be like Wally and the beaver, like, we're just gonna hang around forever, you know. But that's human power, okay, in a nutshell. My reliance on Peter m from Union, New Jersey is human power. Peter was gonna clear up my channel, was gonna remove some of the final obstacles that were blocking me.

And we had a conversation on the phone and he talked about something that was internalized and was really, really blocking me from the sunlight or the spirit. He said it's not a problem. He said we see it. It's gone. And with those words of confidence that I had never heard before, he felt like he was looking right into my soul.

And he said, we got it. It's on the radar screen. He said, it's as good as going right now. And I felt like a burden was lifted from me, you know, because we spoke the same language. And he's he's continued to be an inspiration to me, has taken me from where Walt took me to another place.

Peter took me to a place where we where we moved beyond AA. Not instead of like he's fond of saying along with, not instead of. And I had direct experience with other teachers from other fellowships. The book says make use of where religious people are right. It says there are many other spiritual books.

Well, Peter would would show me distinctly and discreetly how to use those books. I could take a book like The Four Agreements and not just read it and put in my pile of spiritual books I have read. And when that pile gets to be a certain height, I'm then a good guy. But know to read that book like I read the big book, underline and highlight and underscore and have a direct experience with these words. Not to just go from cover to cover and say, okay, that one's done.

Give me the next book. Let me have the next guru, the next teacher. Let me race through all these and read as many of these as I can. That was, you know, that's spiritual materialism. That's not the sunlight of the spirit.

And he directed me away from that to have an experience with this as I had experience with our first 164 pages. And we did some neat stuff with inventory and current agnosticism and current unmanageability, not unmanageability from then from days gone by, but what was it looking like right now, right here? And I start to squirm a little bit. And expectations for me were not being met. I thought this was gonna be a joyride with, you know, with with Peter M from Union, New Jersey, but it was a joyride.

You know? And it it was. And I, you know, I I I don't know what to say. I really I can't say enough about either of these two gentlemen, but right now, to join us at the podium and celebrate 19 years is Peter M from Union, New Jersey. My name is Peter.

I'm a recovered alcoholic. Thank you. Grateful to be alive and sober and at a sacred place called Alcoholics Anonymous. And, first things first, thank my home group for allowing me to celebrate. I'm grateful to be a member of the Vision for You group.

And like Charlie said, we started at a place called Van Gogh's Ear, which was kind of like an ominous setting, Van Gogh's Ear. And we're trying to start something spiritual. But here we are. Few years later and celebrating. And I'm very, very grateful to be alive and sober and part of this sacred, place called Alcoholics Anonymous.

Thank Charlie for presenting the coins and, the guys for setting up and Bill for being down here tonight. Bart and his friends who are driving so far, to get here. We're gonna hear a great talk tonight. I have friends here from different parts of Jersey. We have friends here from, Long Island, Queens.

We have friends here from Staten Island. It's like the heads of the 5 families have gotten together tonight. And, we're gonna divvy up the neighborhood. Before we get going, it's really important. There is so many folks in this group, so many teachers along the way.

My sponsor, Mark h, my dad and my kid brothers, if it wasn't for the courage, strength, and direction that God gave them, I would not be here tonight celebrating. There's so many people along the path who have allowed me to get here tonight, orchestrated by a loving God. And a few years ago, I met someone who's been, the apple of my eye. Just absolute wonderful, experience who allows me to go out and do the workshops you guys asked me to do, and allows me to go out and travel, and allows me to be here, and has held me up a few times when I think I've had the courage to stand up. And if Linda would just stand up for a moment so everyone can see who you are.

The past couple of weeks, I've been in this place of reflection, not morbid reflection, but reflection. And God seems to do that to me every year around this time of year. I don't visit so much my past, but this time of year, it just shows up. I wake up and here I am reflecting upon where I was. And, it was this time 19 years ago, I was in serious trouble.

I was in my 7th, and God willing, detox by now. Had been separated, from alcohol June 23rd. I was on my way to Minnesota. I was very, very ill from alcoholism. I didn't think I'd have another shot at trying to get sober.

My family pretty much was just hoping, you know, I would go peacefully. I mean, this was the last stop for me. But something happened, on my way into the 7th, treatment center. I hit what our book talks about the bitter end, where circumstances of living the way I was living made me very, very willing to go to any lengths in order to recover from alcoholism. And on that, I got rocketed.

And many times along the way, some of my past teachers were saying, you need to, like, take it easy. You're praying too much. You're doing too much big book work. You're doing too much of this stuff. But how can I deny spirit?

When spirit moves you, you go. How could I edit spirit? When spirit talks to you, you talk. And I'm so grateful for listening to the 6th sense that we get in here that says, go. Move.

Be teachable. Listen. It has brought me where I am now with all my challenges and all my falling short. Because what I found out here over the last 19 years, Alcoholics Anonymous is about experiencing the glory of God and nothing less than that great fact. There's a quote, the carpenter said.

He said something like, the harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few. The glory of God, the gifts of God are out there, but how many of are seeking it, and we bring that into Alcoholics Anonymous? The gifts that God has given us in Alcoholics Anonymous are plenty. They're there for us to have to get free beyond free and experience his glory and experience bliss in Alcoholics Anonymous. It's no longer thinking about a drink anymore.

Drink's been removed, and we get on with our lives. Spread the spiritual wings and go work with others. Take this home. Go be employable. Have families.

Do all the great things we get to do in practice in these principles. And yet, over and over and over and over and over again, I hear so many of us in drama suffering from untreated alcoholism. Well, how do I get there? We have 12 tools. 12 simple principles.

Follow the the directions and go. I haven't thought about a drink in many, many years, and that's truly by the glory of God And that'll ruffle feathers in a lot of contemporary AA meetings. But that's my truth, and that's God, and that's freedom. So I feel blessed to be a a a recovered member of this sacred place called Alcoholics Anonymous. And if you haven't found out that it is sacred yet, I pray you do because it is.

Because we see people get reborn and resurrected in Alcoholics Anonymous. Come in here with nothing broken and then arise. And then we walk and go work with others. What a good deal. What a good deal.

I met our our speaker a handful of years ago. He's become a dear friend to me. Does a is the guy responsible for fellowship with a spirit in Queens, New York every year, has dedicated his life to Alcoholics Anonymous. And so, we're in for a treat, to hear tonight, from the primary purpose group in Long Island, New York, Bot R. Hi.

My name is Barton. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Hi. And thanks for having me here tonight. Peter was talking about reflecting and, my home my, sobriety date is June 12, 1995.

So I also did that kind of reflecting this month. And what I came up with was a lot about what Peter was just talking about. You know, why am I still sober today? Why are people inviting me? And I'm allowed to leave the state of New York and come into New Jersey.

People invite me into their homes. Why is that? And it's because I don't study that book, Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't read the books like Charlie was talking about from cover to cover and pile them up, but I try to actually incorporate them in my life. It's a design for living.

And as long as I can do that and continue to do that, then I'm a recovered member of Alcoholics Anonymous and people like to have me around. If I stop living it and just start talking about it and stuff like that, then you'll find me drunk pretty quick. I know that. And that's why I'm still sober today for 12 years. I wanna thank Peter for asking me.

Me and Peter have become very good friends over the last few years, and I was thinking about some of the trials and low spots that both of us have gone through together. That's what we do in in Alcoholics and Honors besides the great program that we have. We have a fellowship, where I learned what real friends are. And, I remember a few years ago, it was probably about 5 years ago, I was in that one of those trials in low spots and didn't feel like I would be you know, one of the promises in our big book is that we can go where other free men can go without any, you know, without any difficulty, without any trouble. And that was true for me for a few years.

And, about 5 years ago, I got into this funk. And not that I thought that I was gonna pick up a drink, but I didn't think that even with given sufficient reason, I could be in a place like a bar or, I wasn't feeling on on good safe ground. My life was around me was a mess. And I remember being in a meeting one night and getting honest and and sharing that at a meeting. And the next morning, my boss called me up and he said he had some work for me, and it was in an area that I used to do some running.

And I and I never used to work there. And I remember calling Peter up on the way there, and I was in tears, and I was cursing God. Why do you have me going to this neighborhood? I was just finished telling a bunch of people last night. I don't feel safe in an area like this right now.

And I called Peter and started talking to him about it. And he asked me to pull over, and he said, Bart, why don't you just consider this for a second? Is it possible that God has you in this neighborhood to show you that you can be there to earn a living today, instead of crawling on your hands and knees? And I snapped right out of it. And I realized that was what was going on, and it pulled me out of the whole funk that I was in.

And he's pulled me through a lot of talks. I mean, I have a lot of good people in my life, and Peter happens to be one of them. Again, I wanna thank him for the honor of speaking here tonight, and I wanna, congratulate Walter as well on celebrating and having me part of the anniversary. I was thinking about you know, there's a saying that a lot of us says, you know, if if we make plans and God laughs. And I currently live in Long Beach, New York.

I grew up in the city, and, I was very active in my home group in Queens, the utopia group for about 11 years. In the last two and a half, 3 years, I was very active in the fellowship of cocaine anonymous trying to see what I can give to them as well. And the group in Lynbrook, the primary purpose group asked me if I would do a big book study for them. And, I finished one that I was doing in Flushing, Queens and went out there. And every night, they would ask me, you know, why don't you make this your home group and stay out here in Limbrook?

And I told them, nope. That's you know, I like it in Queens and, you know, I'm had in the same home group for a long time. And, then I met Tara, and I ended up getting engaged and living in Long Island. So if you have plans, god laughs. He's always got different plans.

My life is great living in Long Island. A little bit about myself. Growing up, I guess, like, I'm one of those people that, like so many others and it's not necessarily alcoholism, just not feeling a part of, very shy. Probably 10, 11 years old. I'm real bad with dates and ages.

Most of my life is a blackout. I mean, I'm sober and and of right mind for the last 12 years, and I still can't remember, like, simple things like introducing people or, what I did an hour ago. But so the dates will certainly be wrong. But I was young and I would look I grew up in a neighborhood where we had apartment buildings and I would look out the window and I would see the older people drinking on the corner and having a lot of fun, and those were my heroes. I just wanted to be with them, having that fun.

Before I knew it, that's what I was doing. I was hanging out with them, drinking, and having a lot of fun. 5th grade, I was going to school and I saw them hanging out in the park instead of going to school and having a lot of fun. And I decided that I was gonna hang out with them in the park and drink, and school wasn't so important. So by 5th grade, I was already being left back from school because drinking was more important and more fun, and I was feeling a little bit more a part of than what I was feeling like in school.

So they were gonna leave me back, and they had a meeting, and my parents were moving. And they decided to promote me into the new school where we were moving. So that summer, I spent every day riding my bicycle go back to the old neighborhood and drinking and meeting nobody in the new neighborhood, because that was a fear of mine, meeting meeting people. I still don't love it. I'm still not great at it, but, it's the first day of school came in.

I didn't know how I was gonna do it, So I had a drink and that soothed the fear of going to 6th grade, the new school for the first time. And I saw in the beginning of school that this was gonna be the answer. That if I just drink at school, I'll get through school. I used then I shortly found the other kids that even grew up in that neighborhood that were drinking in school and hiding behind the handball courts and hanging out and drinking at school. So, that's why I hung out with.

And I I started to get into a lot of trouble in school. And in midway through that year, there was a woman who came from a school called Project 25. It was an alcohol and drug program. And I was told that I had to come sit with her every once a week, and I would go sit with her and talk with her and continue to get in trouble and continue to get caught drinking in school. And I was told that if I continue to come to school drunk, if they find alcohol in my locker, that I'm gonna have to go to project 25 full time.

And that was a scary thought because I finally started to meet friends in school, and it meant I was gonna have to start all over again. And that was a huge threat, but I didn't wanna stop drinking either. So it wasn't too long before I was pulled out of school and put into project 25. In project 25, the consequences started to get much, higher. My attitude started to get much more much worse.

They started to give my parents, some suggestions that as a kid, I didn't like. Like, lock them up, you know, send them away, get a PINs petition. And so by 6th grade, that's what was starting to happen in my life. I was always going to counselors, psychiatrists, therapists, you know, by my parents' orders, the school's orders. They all would tell me the same thing.

If you just you're a nice boy, if you just didn't drink, you would be okay. And I still believe the lie that, and I would say it to myself, not to them, they don't understand. When I drink, that's when I'm okay. That's when I believe that I'm a nice boy that they're talking about. You know, other than that, I'm just not comfortable in my own skin, so I like this drinking stuff.

I started to get into a lot more trouble. I started to drink a lot more. I started to go to parties with all these people that were drinking a lot and going to the, up by Fort Totten where we live or to the golf course and have keg parties. And all those kids were making it home every night, you know. I wasn't.

I was doing stupid things. I was waking up in the morning, you know, wherever the party was. And the next day, the kids would make fun of me for the things that I did. And all I wanted to do was fit in, You know? So I would say at the next party, I'm not gonna drink like that.

I'm not gonna do anything stupid. I'm not gonna be called the man of the night and, you know, and be told all the idiot things that I did and said or, you know, start fights and wake up with a cracked jaw even though I might have been one of the biggest kids there. I was so drunk. You know, somebody would always get a good shot in. I had no idea who it was.

Things were bad at a young age, and I kept swearing I wasn't gonna do that again. And I kept doing that again. My mother was a £120 soaking wet. May she rest in peace. She begged me.

You know, I had a sister that died young and she would beg me. I already lost a daughter. I don't wanna lose another child. Please don't go outside. Please don't leave this house.

And like I said, she was a £120 soaking wet, a very loving fragile woman, and I would pick her up and throw away from the door and disappear for days at a time. She made a beautiful home, and I would sleep in elevator shafts, in friends' garages, so that I could stay out for days at a time and drink. Drinking was very important to me. Around 19 78, after being in a lot of shelters, my mother's screaming when I get arrested, lock them up. He's an animal.

My father coming over to me and saying there's nothing I could do. Your mother's got custody. I went to a place for 18 months. Actually, it's important that even when I was locked up in somebody's short term places in Brooklyn and shelters and, any place other than if it was spa fed, which I was in many times. I would sneak out of these places to go drink Night Train, you know, with the bums and sneak back into these places.

Finally, I got sent upstate to a place called Hawthorne Cedar Knolls, and that place was I was there for 18 months. And while I was there, I started to reflect that maybe what they're saying is true. Maybe I drink too much, and when I get out of here, I'm not gonna drink as much as I've been drinking. So I spent the time up there, and I got in a lot of trouble up there. And I continue to even be able occasionally to sneak off grounds there and break into the deli and bring back beers and get into trouble.

And, but when I left there, I made that promise to myself and I was gonna stick to it. And I went to high school, regular school for the first time in many years. And I showed up for the 1st day of my school, and I was called into the counselor's office, and my records were taken out. And they said, we've been looking at your records. We don't want your trouble in this school.

If we begin to see any of it, you're out. And that was day 1, getting off to a good start. And, I still had an attitude and I said, you know what? Thanks. And I walked out of his office and I called my father, which I hadn't really been on great terms with.

But I I I explained to him in a good way that I ain't gonna make it in this school. You know. It's been a long time since I've been in regular school. They're not really giving me a hell of a good chance. I got a good idea.

Why don't you sign me out of school? You're a successful businessman. I'll come work for you. And he said that he would think about it, and he would talk to his partner. And, he got back to me and he said they agreed that that's what they were gonna do.

So it was a cold October morning, the week of my birthday. And I woke up that morning, and I went to the bus stop really proud that I'm gonna be a working man this week and, gonna do the right thing, and it's my birthday. And a friend of mine came over, and he gave me a nice little birthday present. He gave me a little bottle of Jack Daniels. And, I put it in my coat, and I said, you know what?

This weekend, I'm gonna celebrate that I'm making my family proud, and I'm proud that I'm working, and I'm celebrating my birthday. And, that was my original thought. And I started to get cold, I guess. So a little sip will warm me up. And then on the bus, I guess I remembered how I got through school when when I was nervous.

I was nervous going to work the 1st day, so I continued to finish that little bottle of Jack Daniels, walk into work for the 1st day, and completely know how to run the whole business. You can't tell me anything. It made a complete fool of myself and my father. Wasn't my intention when I woke up that morning. My intention was to do the right thing.

All the times before that that I drank, I drank because I wanted to drink. I drank because I loved to drink. I drank because drinking was fun. Not that morning. Not that morning.

I didn't have a choice that morning. I didn't know it, but I drank against my own free will without even knowing it. That continued for years and years and years, and the stories got a lot worse. And anybody ever wants my phone number and call, we'll talk 1 on 1 about a lot of the horror stories, the war stories. This isn't the place for them.

But I was young men and trust me the stories got worse. In 1987 I was hanging out. I was I was married for the first time, to a detox nurse 10 years older than me that was gonna sober me up. Didn't work. But a friend of mine, there was a house that we hung out at.

3 brothers, owned the house. We all owned motorcycles. They never left the garage. Very few of them ever left the garage. It had some really bad nicknames in the neighborhood.

None of the other homeowners or anybody that lived in the neighborhood would walk past that house. They'd cross over the street and around. One of the brothers was showing up with new friends every day and getting on the his bike and taking off. I started to get curious one night, and I said, hey, Warren. How come you're hanging out no more?

Where you've been going? Couldn't live like this anymore, and I got sober going to AA meetings. I laughed and said, oh, that's nice. You know, take it easy. And, went back to doing what I wanted to do, you know, whatever else was doing.

And, every once in a while, I would talk to Warren. And I woke up one morning, and something told me to just call him up and ask him where one of these meetings are. And I did. The warrant told me where the meeting was. He said I can't make it tonight, but the condition you're in and if you can make it there, they'll know you're new.

They'll make you feel comfortable. It works for me. This is where it is. Just show up. So I sweated it out through the day, and I got there real early, and it was in a school.

And I was walking around the school and around the school, starting to lose hope and saying, you know, forget it. I'm just gonna go drink. And a guy came over and he grabbed me. He said, you're looking for the AA meeting? And I went, yeah.

I am. And he said, come with me. I'm setting it up. So I followed him into the meeting, and they sat down in one of the chairs. It was in a classroom, and he started putting all his stuff up and hanging up the shades and being real busy.

And I was sitting there watching him, and he came over to me and he handed me a little blue card, and he said, you wanna read this? And I said, sure. And now I had something to look at. I didn't have to watch as the room was filling up. I didn't have to look anybody in the eye, and I just kept sitting there and pretending to read this card.

And he opened up the meeting, and he said and to read the preamble we have bought. And my heart jumped right out of my toes. I said, if this is what AA is about, it's not for me. And I spent the next, what felt like 3 hours, what was probably 3 minutes, trying to figure out how am I getting out of here with nobody noticing. Because I didn't realize he wanted me to read it out loud.

I thought he just wanted me to read it, and I was scared to death. So I got out of the meeting and I got lost in the school. I thought I was gonna be arrested for trespassing. I certainly didn't look as clean as the rest of the people in the meeting, but I found my way back to where the room that the meeting was in. I leaned outside in the hallway, and I just figured when everybody leaves the meeting, I'll just follow them out, and I'll get out of the school, and I'll go back to drink, and I'll just slowly die of alcoholism, and I don't really care.

I didn't even know it was alcoholism. I just knew that I was drinking myself to death. I knew that drinking was a problem for years. I got surrounded. Surrounded and convinced to go back to the diner.

And I don't do that stuff well. I still don't do that stuff well. I'm not still one of those that goes back to the diner too often. But, they convinced me to go to the diner. They convinced me to come to a meeting the next day.

I continued to go to meetings for a long time with them. Eventually, they started to avoid me because I wanted to drink really bad. I wouldn't tell them I wanted to drink. I'd had go into the meetings and they'd offer me $20 to raise my hand and just say my name. My answer would be, you know what?

My problems are none of their business, and I'm really not interested in theirs. You know, that was my attitude. So I can't imagine why in 1995, I had a horrible relapse. Never did anything in Alcoholics Anonymous. Eventually, each one of those people too, they would avoid me.