Q & A session at the CPH12 v8 convention in Copenhagen, Denmark

This this next question is one I can really relate to a lot. It says, I need a sponsor in Denmark, but I cannot any find anyone I would trust and think and I can't find anyone who I think is good enough for me. What do I do? What do I do? Oh, no.

I understand that one. I you know, it's I was I remember in the years I was in and out that I kept relapsing, I knew I should get a sponsor. And but there's nobody in AA that's really worthy of of this tremendous mantle I would lay on them. And consequently, I never got one. And I think eventually, you'll get to a point where you'll start to realize that you better find somebody to run your life other than you.

Because you get to a point where even even Charles Manson would make better decisions for you than you will. It gets to be it's just it's like after a while, it's out anybody that will take it, you can have it. You just get somebody. What I did the last time when I when I started to become sponsorable and I've had I've had 2 sponsors in the last 28 and a half years, and both times, I did the same thing. I I asked God for help, and I followed it in close order with action.

Close order. And I just I said, God, just show me. And I saw a guy, and he was sober about almost 15 years when I was new. And I just thought, he's doing a lot better than I am, and I'll get him. And then when I was about 15 years sober, I needed a new sponsor because I've become too close of friends with mine, and I I needed somebody I needed someone that was gonna beat me up a little bit.

I I did I wanted someone who I could get direction from. I was tired of feeling like I was a loose cannon in AA, and my sponsor just thought everything I was doing was wonderful. So I I came down to 2 guys, and one of them today is my sponsor, and the other one is my spiritual adviser. And I needed somebody that was more active than me. And I got 2 guys in my life that are that are wonderful.

They're they've walked down this road. The one guy's sober 48 years. The other guy's sober 50 years. And they're vital everyday members of Alcoholics Anonymous. And that's what do you want?

If you if you want if you don't wanna stay in AA, you'll probably find somebody to sponsor you that's backing out of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you wanna stay in AA and not drink but smoke pot, you'll find somebody that smokes pot. If you wanna stay in AA and don't drink but be a compulsive gambler, you'll find somebody to sponsor you that's a compulsive gambler. I encourage you to find somebody that's that's this is the center of their life. It doesn't not anybody that does it perfect, because there ain't nobody.

There ain't nobody. But just somebody that every day tries to show up and do something in AA. You wanna show them? You guys are gonna hate me. I'm about to alienate someone, but I don't look.

I don't think they're good enough for me. Look. My sponsor, if I said that to her, she would put a boot so far up my ass, her her foot would come out my mouth. guys, there's no What's good or bad? You know, there are people in my area where I live who think, oh, you know, I saw Carrie at that convention.

I heard her tape. You know, she sponsors so and so. She's really special. And then they meet me and they find out I'm a moron just like them and they're kinda disappointed. They're like, you know, your tape you sounded really good.

You know, and they have a pre preconceived notion of who I am, You know, and it turns out that I'm just me and I'm human just like everyone else. There is no one who is good or worse or anything else other you know, like we're all human beings. We're all the same. We're all having a spiritual experience. I picked my sponsor because she lives her life in a way that I admire.

It's that simple. And she doesn't care about my feelings. Well, actually, she cares more about my sobriety in my life than my feelings and she's willing to ask me the hard questions. Period. You know, if I begin to think that there's no one in my area that's good enough for me, then my question is, that I have to ask is, how close to a drink am I really?

How much of my ego has gotten involved in my in the program of recovery? Oh. Thank you. Standing on tippy toes is a little difficult. Thank you.

See, now I got a booster seat. How much of my how much of my program has become about me and about looking good, about being special, about being important, about being an authority? How attached am I to how people in AA see me? I gotta tell you what. I'm loved and hated in my area.

There are people who love me to death because by the grace of God and God working through me, I've been able to help them to recover from their alcoholism. And there are other people who think I'm a mean, egotistical bitch, who asks the hard questions and pisses them off. But the bottom line is this, is that if I start to think that I know something about this program of recovery and that I can't learn from the newcomer, that I can't learn from the person next to me, from my own child, I got to ask myself a real big question. Who do I think that I am? That I am not a child of God just like everyone else?

And I'll tell you what, I used to think that I was special until my sponsor politely pointed out that I ain't. You know what she calls me? She calls me a big shot. Big shot. Big shot, Carrie.

You know, because, you know, I'm lucky and I do get invited to do these things and I never get invited back and I wonder why. It's probably cause I answer questions like this the way that I do. And, you know, Switzerland, I yelled at people about sponsorship. Now I'm calling people egotistical. But my point is is this, is that, you know, my sponsor calls me big shot and she kind of makes fun of me because of it.

She calls me big shot Carrie. Big shot, big shot. Cause you're a big shot. And I point out that I pay her the big bucks because she's the one who doesn't care whether or not I'm a big shot and asked me the hard questions. Because I'm an alcoholic.

I'm going to die a spiritual death. And my out my ego will have me out of Alcoholics Anonymous so quickly because I think I know something. What I would suggest to anybody who is feeling this way, take the set aside prayer or the lay aside prayer into your morning meditation every day. Ask God to help you to set aside everything you think you know about yourself, the 12 steps, the program of recovery, and God in order to have a new experience with these steps and help you to see the truth. Because I need to keep going back to God in order to get clearer and clearer and clearer.

And And you know what? My sponsor is I've had several sponsors over the years. I've had wonderful sponsors over the years. I am extremely lucky. And I've had great spiritual advisors.

I've had wonderful people and wonderful teachers. And I get that I'm a lucky girl in that respect that I know some awesome people. On the other hand, you know, there's no magic miracle to this. It's in the book. You read it, you do what it says, and you get awake.

You know, there's no, you know, guru. There's no anything like that. It's not like, you know, it's this big mystery. You write a 4 step. You get honest.

You share it with somebody. You ask God to remove the crap you learned about it. You say you're sorry and pay back the money and you try to live in 10, 11, and 12 and pray meditate every day and try not to piss people off and guess what? You don't wanna drink anymore. Yay.

Miracle. It doesn't have to be complicated. I complicate it because I'm a screwed up alcoholic who complicates everything. I complicate putting on my pants. You know?

I complicate paying parking tickets. You know? And I'm like I said, I'm not trying to be judgmental. I'm not trying to be a brat. I'm not trying anything.

I'm just trying to tell you exactly what my sponsor told me when I told her I think that I need somebody better than her because, you know, she's not sober long enough. And she laughed in my face because I'm sober longer than her. And I thought to myself, I said, you know, my sponsor is only sober 8 years. I'm sober 12. Maybe I should upgrade.

So So I called her up and I said, guess what I just thought? I think I need to upgrade it. And she laughed in my face. And she said, I think you should take that one to God and click. Saying that I'm not capable of thinking like that, but when I'm thinking like that, I need to ask myself one question.

Where's God? Where's a higher power? Thank you. One one other thing. Sponsorship relay is a relationship.

And like all relationships, it's not a success as a result of finding the right person. It's a success as a result of being the right person. And when you're looking for the right person, you got the cart before the horse. It's not finding the right sponsor. It's being sponsorable.

The Hindus have a saying that the burden of learning the lesson is always on the student. It's never on the teacher. I've seen some people achieve tremendous spiritual growth with goofy sponsors. Goofy sponsor. They grow way past their sponsor quickly because they were sponsorable, and that sponsor is an instrument.

And I've seen some people that have had the most amazing sponsors in Alcoholics Anonymous, and they stay stuck because they're not sponsorable. Remember who has to become if you're if you're sponsorable, anybody can help you as long as it's not you. Do you wanna take a break or start step 9? Do you guys want a break or what do you wanna do? We have it's like We can either start step 9 or take a break.

Why Why don't we take a break till right straight up at 4 o'clock? We'll start promptly at 4.