Step 4 (resentments) at the Stateline Retreat 2006 in Primm, NV

Step. Please help me welcome Scott l from Nashville, Tennessee. Thank you. Good morning. My name is Scott Lee, and I'm an alcoholic and, overwhelmed alcoholic.

What an honor it is to be here. Wow. Okay. Can y'all still see? I can't.

I'd like to thank Bob and everyone else who was involved in, in putting this thing on and make it possible for me to be here. I'm I'm truly honored beyond my ability to explain. I like to, I like to open anything I do in recovery with a quotation from Lois Wilson who was asked one time what she did in the moment of silence. And she said, I invite God to the meeting. And, it's not that I don't believe God's here.

I do believe that. But I get a special gift when I stop and honor that presence. And, my, my mentor who died about a year and a half ago, who many of you knew, said that he had learned to treat god like a gentleman. And gentlemen don't go where they're not invited, and they don't stay where they're not made welcome. And, the other thing I do in the moment of science is I ask god to help me not judge as a speaker.

Now you don't have to do that, of course, but, that's made meetings better everywhere I've gone. And, so if you would, humor me, I'd like to have another moment of science. And let's just acknowledge the presence of DIA and ASHRA Open Hearts. I'll just meet you back here in a second. Amen.

Thank you. Now if there's a bad talk, we know whose fault it is. I'm I'm off the hook. I am I am absolutely not an expert on this. And, the the format that I'm gonna use is I'm gonna talk about how I coach a new man through this portion of our work.

It's what's been shown to me. This is simply my experience, which is what I've been asked to share. And, I, I think there are an awful lot of wonderful ways to follow the instructions in the big book. So I'm I'm not near as hung up on format as I appear to be, but I think it's important for the new guy to to get some very specific instruction. If your sponsor, thinks I'm wrong and he's right, I agree with your sponsor.

I believe God bless his sponsorship. And, and I think that's one of the one of the absolute formats, of the I mean, the foundation stone of what we do here. The, my sponsor told me when I was newly sober, he said, I'm gonna give you the 2 best kept secrets in AA. I said, okay. What are they?

He said, the first one is the definition of our program. And the way we keep that secret is you read it at almost every meeting. It's on page 59 where it says, here are the steps we took, which is suggested as a program of recovery. So according to my sponsor, the steps are not part of the program. They are the program.

No steps, no program. And, I've been around a short time compared to a lot of folks in the house, but in my few years, I haven't seen anybody in and out of the program yet. I've seen a few 1,000 in and out of the fellowship. It's been my experience that those who thank you. Yeah.

And I could sit down now because I think that's the most important thing I'm gonna say. But I haven't seen anybody do the work out of this book while being coached with it by a sponsor who's already done the work out of this book and stay stay, active carrying our message and drink again. Anybody here seen that? I don't see too many hands on that. No.

I'd say we as a group this morning stand by the first line of chapter 5. Rarely we've seen a person fail who's thoroughly followed by path. He said the, and and by the way, I was honest with my sponsor. I'd like to recommend that if you're new. I said, Jerry, I don't I don't want to do the 12 steps.

And he said, that's okay. I said, good. He said, as long as you do them. And, I said, Jerry, I don't believe we're communicating. Then he said, yeah, we are.

That's the definition of willingness. Willingness is when I do what my sponsor says, will I want to or not. And, that was an important one. He said the other best kept secret in our fellowship is the fact that the 4 step directions are cleverly concealed in the book. They're actually right in here.

And, he said, what what we were going to do is we were going to follow them 1 at a time in order and see what happened. He told me, on step 4, he said all that garbage in your past is not who you are. That's who you're not. And what we will teach you here is how to stop doing who you're not, how to repair the damage for doing who you're not, how to receive the forgiveness for doing who you're not, and who you really are will just kind of be merged from the ashes like the phoenix. This this program is kind of like going to the dentist.

We've got to drill before we can fill. We're gonna have to dig the poison out of your soul because if we just fill with the good stuff. The poison's still in there. It's gonna detonate one of these days. And, I was also told that God forgives me for everything I ever did, and he loved me while I was doing it.

My God got bigger that day. And and the other one that is so important to me is that that I don't have the power to make a mistake so ugly that he can't turn it into something magnificent. Not not just fix, but turn it into something magnificent. I I watch him regularly taking the worst things I've ever done and using them as tools to help other people. That's a powerful program.

Powerful God. So I was I was asked to talk on, on the port the beginning portion of step 4 this morning. This is my experience beginning at the bottom of page 63. So the the setup is that this new fellow I'm sponsoring, that he and I have completed together steps 123 following the book. And coming up off of our knees from the 3rd step prayer, I like to say to him, you'll hear raging in the fellowship the discussion as to when to do a 4 step.

And you'll hear some people say, don't do a 4 step too soon. You may drink. I personally never have seen that. I've seen several 1,000 way too late. If if you're new, and I don't think there are very many new ones here, but if you're new and the steps look like they're designed to punish you, welcome to AA.

That's how they look to us, and we were wrong about that. You are too. And that that what the steps would do was to bring me relief. And, the and I do this very playfully. Okay?

The book is not specific about when to do a 4 step. It makes 2 time references. And I believe if the book gives leeway, I should give it as a sponsor. So I will allow them to start their 4th step on either one of those time references or anything that lies between. Does that seem fair?

I think it is. So I asked him to begin at the bottom of page 63 at the end of the 3rd step and I asked him to read out loud and I'll interrupt. He says next. I say, woah. That's a time reference.

So we're coming up above our knees and the first reference to went to a 4 step is next. It says we launched down on a course of vigorous action, the first step which is a personal housecleaning which many of us had never attempted. Our decision, that would be the 3rd step decision that God's gonna be in charge and that suits me, was was a vital from the Latin vita meaning necessary to life. Right. So, this is only for the ones that want to live.

Everybody else could take the morning off. Yeah. Was a vital and crucial step. It could have little permanent effect unless at once. That's a time reference.

So following step 3, the 4th step has begun either next or at once or anywhere in between. I give them all the leeway the book gives them. I think it's fair. Let's say once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of. Isn't that interesting?

Be rid of. In step 4, we're going to be rid of and it tells us that twice on this page. I think it's important when the book's redundant. I think it's important. And twice on this page, it may tell me we're going to be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us because that's the good news.

The good news is I'm the problem. That's what he told me. He said, this is the best news you're ever gonna get. You're the you're the problem. I said, I don't get it.

Why is that such good news? He says, because if it really is the cops, the courts, the judges, the blacks, the Chinese, the Russians, the PTA, the neighbors, and the ex wife, you're cooked, son. If they're the problem, this game is over and you lost. The good news is that you are the problem. If you'll bring some willingness to this party, we can work on that.

So in step 4, we're going to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us. I would observe if in step 4 all I do is write, I'll get rid of time, ink, and paper and none of those are blocking me. So there must be things other than writing involved in step 4. And he said that was where the power was, was that the other than writing portions of step 4. And, skipping down a little bit, a business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke.

Most of the businesses that I deal with do a computer update every night. And for me, that's the evening half or evening portion of step 11 where they do a review. But at least once a year, they do a full tear down inventory. And I think that's the reference that it makes. And I wish I could say I'd done 1 a year for my 22 years.

I think I've done about 17. I'm overdue right now. And it says, it's an effort it's a, fact finding and fact facing process, an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade. One object is to disclose damaged or salable goods to get rid of there it is again. They tell me twice on this page and in step 4, I'm going to get rid of.

Promptly and without regret. It says we did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure. There's the good news again.

I'm the problem. It says being convinced itself manifest in various ways of what had defeated us. We considered its common manifestations. And I like to give them kind of an overview. The manifestations of self that the 4 step in the text covers are resentment, fear, and sexual misconduct.

And, I claim there's not a sex inventory in the book because I don't find the direction in there that says, at this point, let's explore all the things in the sexual arena that you did that you thought were right and good because there are some of those. So we inventory only the dark side of that. I don't like the idea of sex having a bad name. It's my favorite toy. I mean, really.

Let's And as, I'm sure Charlie's gonna cover later on today, there are a lot of prayers in step 4 about sex. So it's okay to talk to God about sex. He's the one who invented it. Nice job. And, you know, and I say that lightly, and the truth is I mean it.

And continuing on page 64, it says resentment is the number one offender. I'm told that the word resent comes from the Latin. The re, re prefix means again. So for example, I reread something. It's something I do another time.

And centire means to feel. And so, resent means, in effect, to feel again. And what we feel again is old anger. He told me the only way to get a resentment is to judge someone, find them guilty, be angry with them, and then feel that anger again. It is that feeling again of old anger that is resentment by definition.

It says it destroys. It destroys. I love the power in the words. More alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease.

For we've been not only mentally and physically ill, we've been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. Makes me think the spiritual is the most important one. And so what what I like to do at this point is explore with him and we're gonna look for directions, very specific things that we can do and we're gonna do them 1 at a time. I think the 4th step is very easy if we spoon it's kinda long, but it's real easy.

And there there are no surprises on it. I mean, you're the one who did all this stuff. It's not like there's a surprise coming here. It says in dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. To me, that's not really so much a direction.

It is a, sort of an overview because they're gonna tell me exactly how to set it on paper. It says we listed people, institutions, or principles with whom we were angry. So what we need now is a list, and list is a series of words and phrases that run down a page. I don't believe I've ever seen a list that ran across a page. Lists are vertical.

They go down the page. And, I confused myself. That's easy. There's a lot going on in here. What I'm gonna ask him for now is I'm gonna ask him for some commitments.

I'm gonna ask him to commit to, in this program, doing the things that the people in the book did. If they say they wrote something, I'm gonna ask him to write it. If they say they prayed something, I'm going to ask him to pray it. If they say they observed something, I'm going to ask him to stop and endeavor to observe it. He may or may not be able to, but I'll settle for effort on that part.

And there are interestingly enough, a 168 hours in a week. If he has an 8 hour a day job, 5 days a week, and a 30 minute commute, that's 45 hours. If he's in bed 8 hours a night, that's 56 more. If he goes to 7 meetings a week, that's about 15 more hours with a little driving time and let's get there early and stay late. 3 hours of recreation, 2 hours for mowing the lawn and doing his melon list, you know, honey do this, honey do that.

5 hours reading spiritual literature, 3 hours bathing and shaving, taking care of himself. 4 hours, date with a wife if he's fortunate enough to still be sleeping in the big bed, or, or maybe coaching little leagues, something like that. 5 hours on the phone with me and some other men that I'm going to nominate. 13 hours shopping for food, clothing, cooking, eating. 5 hours in prayer and meditation.

9 hours of television, that's a max, that's 3 ball games, that's plenty, or 2 rounds of golf. That that I just read adds up to a 165 hours out of a 168 hours in a week. He's got 3 hours left. I want half. And, and it varies.

I I sponsor a fellow who, when we got to this portion of the work, his wife had a fabulous job and he was a stay at home dad with a 1 year old, And his son took a nap from 1 until 3 o'clock every day. I want 10 hours a week from him. I don't see why I can't give him. But we negotiate that. I don't wanna manage anyone's life.

Step 1, section B says, I can't manage my own life. If I can't manage mine, how could I possibly manage his? But what I need to do is know about him. So, another guy has got a wife and 5 kids and two and a half jobs, a whole different thing for him. I personally believe that recovery shouldn't have a negative impact on any other aspect of my life.

It should be inconvenient at times, but it shouldn't hurt me anywhere else. So I need to know a little bit about it. When I set out to do my first 4 step, what I did was I gave myself the assignment of completing the 4 step. Put me in perfect position to hate myself until it was done. Far, far better I have found to sit with a new man, learn about his life, come up with a number of hours per week.

Every Sunday, I've got a fell in 4 step right now. He he calls me every Sunday afternoon. If he doesn't give me, he leaves the message as to when he's gonna do his 4 step this week. This man is doing 4 45 minute periods a week based on what he and I know about his life that made sense to both of us. And he can feel good about himself while he's in progress.

I think we hated ourselves long enough. And Monday, Wednesday Friday is not a schedule. Monday from 8 PM until 8:30 PM, that is a schedule. And like anything else on the schedule that's important, it's it's not subject to cancellation. It's subject to being moved.

Oh, I forgot the kid had a little league game. We'll go to the game and do it later in the day. I don't even need a phone call on that. But but let's feel good of ourselves while we're in progress and let's talk about it. I think it's important to do it that way.

The other thing I do that's really tongue in cheek. Okay? But I also mean it. I usually ask them at this point, I said, are you wondering what color ink you should use and what color paper? About half of them say, yeah.

Page 67 says, when we saw our faults, we listened, we placed them before us in black and white. That's not very specific. That doesn't say white paper, black ink. That could easily be black paper and white ink. And, I have sponsored 2 men who went to the to the art store and bought an inch thick of black paper and bought 2 pens of white ink.

And, and I want you to know, I think that sounds absolutely insane and I insist on it. And, and it and and it's it's it's an attitude really more than anything. That whatever the book says, we're gonna do it. Because the first time I let myself off the hook on a detail, it could have been the one that would have saved my life. So I want you to know, I think that's absolutely insane and and I do require And the and the other thing I like to tell them too is that you're not gonna do the perfect 4 step.

And I don't want them to think of this as his 4 step. This is his first 4 step in my lineage. I know there there are folks who do the first 9 steps once and then say sober 10, 11, 12. And, boy, if that's what your sponsors got you doing and it's working, I'm cheering loudly and I mean that. But that's not the way it was shown to me.

Because between 6 months and a year from now, he's gonna be taking a newcomer through these steps himself, and I'm gonna expect him to go with him. And so let's let's stay involved. So we're not listen. You're not gonna do the perfect 4 step. And I tell him, say, we are not saving a special alcove in Akron at the a hall of fame for your 4 step.

And, as a matter of fact, our home group does not get a give a trophy every year for the best 4 step. And this is the trophy you're not going to get. I don't know if you can read it back there. It says 4 step trophy never awarded. It's what it says right here.

Okay? This is the trophy you ain't getting. Have you a picture made with us later for a couple of bucks. But I'm trying to trying to give him permission to do it imperfectly because if I have to do it perfectly, I can't do it at all. Cannot do it at all.

And, my what I suggest to him is to get a to go down to the drugstore and get a spiral notebook. It's a fairly easy way to do this thing. Open the inside cover and write something like this is my 4 step. If I find you with it, I will kill you and hide your body. Something subtle, but that gets the point across.

And then, and then let's turn to the inside. And this double page is 1 page. We write a 1 at the top of the left hand margin, a 2 in the middle of the left hand page, 3 and a 4 on the right hand page. And, and again, I say I think there are a lot of right ways to do this. It's just what I do.

And, I asked him to sit for, let's call it 30 minutes at a time to do this. I want the first 5 minutes in prayer and meditation. Invite God into your process. Ask him to give you clarity of mind to find what he'd have you find and the courage to write it down. And then let's begin with a list of your resentments.

And what we need here is direction 1 says we listed people, institutions or principles with whom we are angry. I want everybody and everything you have ever been angry with ever, even if you're sure you've already forgiven them. No problem. Put them down. And the format is write a name, skip a line, write a name, skip a line, write a name, skip a line.

When you get to the bottom of the page, turn the page because we're gonna need this other side over here for some other stuff. For those who have cheated and looked ahead and know that the second direction has to do with what they did and you want to save 7 pages for your father, the answer to the question is write a name, skip a line, write a name, skip a line. Those were not estimates. Those were exact figures. Because we're not gonna feed this resentment.

And, and what I like for them to do is to just spit them in the first session just as fast as you can think of them. When they slow down, there's an indication on page 65 says we went back through our lives. So that indicates a reverse chronology that we begin with today. Okay. I'm living at this place.

I work at this place. I'm I'm I'm married to my lovely wife, and, this is my home group and this is my church and this is so on so on so on so on. But 10 years ago, I was living in the other place and I was married to, and and so on. And then before that, I lived in this other place. And before that, I was in the air force, and they had me stationed at this place and that place.

Before that, I was in college and high school. And go all the way back to your earliest memories. And we get to your earliest memories, we're through with column 1. Is it complete? No.

No chance at all. But it's as complete as it's gonna get. And we're not trying to buzz through this thing. We're trying to be as thorough as we can to get you through it once, to get you some relief, to dig this. What I was told is what we're going to do here is we're going to dig poison out of my soul.

And the 4th step I believe is where that process begins. So having followed that process so many hours a week, however, he and I can agree to it. And I'm real easy on that. I I really am on the front end. Don't call me later and tell me you couldn't work it in last week.

I can't work with you. I can't help you. I'm a one trick pony. It's a pretty fabulous little old trick. I just got the one.

And, I have not been able to help anyone who wouldn't do the steps. Hadn't been able to help with one of them. When we get to the earliest memories, we're finished. And I ask them at this point to begin to carry, paper and something to write with all the time because you're gonna be walking through the grocery store, you're gonna look at the cantaloupes and say, oh, his head looked just like this. Write it down.

We'll add it to the end of the list. Alright. We'll just stay in process here. And completing that, it says in the next sentence, it says, we asked ourselves why we are angry. That's gonna be column 2.

I'm looking at the example on page 65. It says, I'm resentful at mister Brown, the cause. His attention to my wife, told my wife of my mistress, Brown may get my job at the office. I asked him to count those words on mister Brown. There's 19 words there.

I said, listen to this. Mister Brown is messing with his wife, has told his wife about his girlfriend and is trying to get him fired. He got 19 words. Nineteen words. And 19 is the limit.

19 is maximum. It's not optimum. It's maximum. It it my second column says things like left me for another guy, next to high school high school football coach, didn't play me as much as I deserved, left me for another guy, screwed me in a business deal, left me for another guy. It, it doesn't start out with a rainy Wednesday afternoon.

No. No. No. We're not going there because that just tends to feed the resentment. So we work vertically.

We work down the page. I think there are 2 really good reasons. The best one first is the book says list and list run down the page. The second one is my experiences that if if I work across the page, it tends to feed the resentment. If I work down the page, it tends to be a whole lot more analytical.

That's just been my experience with it. When it completes column 2, we then look at column 3. So what I discovered if I show them the first three directions first, he's gonna work across the page. We're Americans and we work left to right. We don't work top to bottom.

So I feed it to them one at a time. It's just what I do. Page 65 on our grudge list. We set opposite each name. Our injuries, was it our self esteem, security, ambitions, personal, or sex relations have been interfered with?

Column 3, 5 part multiple choice. Some will only get 1, some will get 3 or 4, some will get all 5, some you may not be able to figure out on your own. Call me. I'll help you see why it was self esteem. And I don't tell them that, but on the first one, that's it's that bat's real close to a 1,000.

On the first my last two were the only 2 inventories I've ever had where self esteem didn't get the most ink. The last 2, it was security. Really surprised me. I I can't wait to get to the next one. I am waiting.

So that's column 3. And then then for me, I think some of the most powerful portions of our step work lie between the 3rd and 4th 3rd column and whatever you do with that other paragraph, on page 67. I use the 4th column. I think there are a lot of other really good ways to do it. But for me, the action in this part of the step lies between those 2 and the observations and prayers that I find to be life changing.

I I don't know that the writing portion of step 4 has any therapeutic effect. I don't think it ever has on me. But the observations and prayers are life changing. And by observations, I don't mean what I happen to notice as I came zipping by, but I mean the things that it tells me to observe. And I'm gonna I'm gonna talk about those as long as I have time here.

Page 65. We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thrown us in honesty. When we were finished, we considered it carefully. Ain't that interesting?

We considered it carefully. For me, that's a general description. It tells me exactly how to consider it. He says the first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. I don't like to let them spend a lot of time on that particular one.

I mean, let's be honest about it. You've been sitting on bar stools with the other great philosophers of our era doing this for decades. So So we pretty well got this one in place. Let's let's kinda move on. So to conclude others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got.

Usual outcomes, people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Is that true for you? Is that what happened to you? The usual outcome I'm sorry. Sometimes with remorse, we were sore at ourselves.

That was the worst one for me. I hated hating me. It says, the more we tried to fight and have our own way, the worst matters got. Was that your experience? Maybe that's why we quit fighting anything or anyone.

As in war, the victor only seemed to win our moments of triumph or short lived. Was that your experience? And then it says, it is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. They observe that. Do you?

Have you ever seen a life that was that was full of resentment and was also happy, joyous, and free? Have you ever seen that combination in anyone? Not just you. Have you ever seen it? And and what we are we're we're beginning what looks I'm a sales rep.

And what we have here in the next couple of paragraphs is I think maybe the finest sales presentation I have ever seen. So what we're doing is we're selling you something here. So let's explore the details. He says, to the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile? Squander means to throw away with no help of getting anything good out of it.

Did you squander hours that might have been worthwhile? Did you lay awake at night and hate them? Did you sit in class and plan what you were going to do to them instead of, listening to what the teacher had to say? Did you squander hours that might have been worthwhile? Let's talk about that.

It says, but with the alcoholic whose hope now they're gonna tell me what my hope is. Is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience. To me, growth means two things. One thing it means is that Scott Lee's 2,006 program just might not be good enough to keep him sober in 2,007. But I must continue to be in the growth path.

Maintenance is 2 things. One is that I can't afford to lose anything I've already got. But maintenance in the sense that I maintenance my vehicle, I line the front end, I keep the right pressure in the tires, I put the right grade of gas in it. I change the oil. I vacuum it.

I wash it. I maintenance my spiritual program. I open my day with prayer and meditation. Talk about the importance of the work that we do. I'm going to be a little bit more aggressive.

I'm going to be a little bit more aggressive. I'm going to be a little bit more aggressive. I'm going to privilege and honor of taking meetings in the correctional facilities and treatment centers. I'm married to a fabulous woman. Many of you know miss Linda.

I act like it all the time. I make no exceptions to that. I've got some kids. I'm trying to be a great dad today. I've got some grandkids.

I'm trying to be a great grandfather. I drive a vehicle. Put your blinker on near me in traffic. I'll let you in. It's one of the most spiritual things that I do because I'm a type a.

And, you put your blinker on around me in traffic, I will let you in. So I maintenance my spiritual condition in that sense. So that's what it's telling me here. And so that's my hope. It says, but with the alcoholic whose hope is the maintenance and growth of the spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.

Infinitely grave. Wow. I think we've just threatened your life. I think we're going to do it a lot on this page. That was once.

We found that it is fatal. That's twice. I hadn't seen the man that took me through these steps in several years and I ran into him at the 202 club in Nashville. And I I went up to him and I said, Jerry, I'm scared. And he said, sit down.

Let's talk. And I said, do you remember? And I named a man. And he said, if you ever have anyone that you sponsored commit suicide, you'll always remember them. And I said, Jerry, I can't find the difference between me and this guy.

When when we were he and I were both sober 2 years, we were plus or minus maybe 60 days on the same sobriety date. We had the same home group where I saw him 5 to 8 times a week. We had the same sponsor, you. And he drove home 2 years sober from a meeting 1 night, pulled in the garage and dropped the door and left it running and took his own life. And I can't find the difference between me and him, and I'm scared.

And Jerry said, I could not get him to do a 4 step and I believe he died of resentment. And I thought about that and I've talked to others who knew this man in that era and we all agree. This man died of resentment. He he would not do a 4 step. He would not go through the forgiveness process.

And he couldn't wait every time you saw him to run up to you to tell you what some SOB had just done to him. He was the he was the permanent victim. And it's been my experience that the victims don't tend to get sober, that I have to step out of that victim role. And we're gonna talk about how to do that in a couple of minutes. So I agree with Jerry's analysis.

We've just threatened your life twice. We found it's fatal. For when harboring such feelings, interesting word. It doesn't say when having such feelings. It says harboring.

Harbor means to give a safe place due to nurture. I think I'm okay if I have a resentment if I'm not harboring it. They're gonna tell me how to not harbor in a couple of minutes. Says we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns.

We drink again. With us to drink is 2. 3. If we were to live, okay, we're back only for the ones who wanna live. So we just we just threatened your life again.

We had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm are not for us. About the time this book was being written, a very creative man named Walt Disney sat his staff down around a table and came up with a way to write Mickey Mouse cartoons where they'd spit out ideas and your idea would remind him of something. That would remind him of something and they'd kick it around like that. And he labeled his process brainstorming.

And I looked up brainstorm in the dictionary that was printed in 19 thirties. And the definition said transient violent mental outburst. Yeah. We know that is rage. It has absolutely nothing to do with creativity.

And I I think it I it's important to understand what the words mean here. I think dictionaries are important. So this doesn't have anything to do with creativity. Brainstorm is synonymous with rage. Says the grouch and the brainstorm are not for us.

So the grouch for me is a slow burn and the and the rage is the and the brainstorm is the detonation. It's and I love this sentence. You want something thin? Listen to this. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men.

But for alcoholic seed, things are poison. Yeah. Yeah. This will just kill you is all. It says, it says, we turn back to the list for it held the key to the future.

Pardon me. Does that mean if I don't find the key to the future, I don't have a future? Yes, sir. That's exactly what that means. We just threatened your life one more time just for practice.

Says we were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. Different from what? Well, the last time we looked at the list was actually at the bottom of the preceding page where it said the first thing apparent was that this world and people were often quite wrong. We haven't looked at the list since then. We've been doing some analysis of resentment, what it is, what it does.

And then it says strangely enough I I thought I was gonna say, now we're gonna look for my part. Never says that. I I think that's one of the most popular misquotes. I think there's a major difference between looking for my part and doing what it said over here on this next page. It says, we began to see that the world and its people really dominated us.

So let's go back and look over this thing a little bit and see how you're dominated. Let's take a 30 minute session and have a look. How does this dominate you? Did your father beat you down to the point where at 63 years old, you still have trouble with authority figures? That's my story.

Did did you plan your life so that you'd never be around these people so they couldn't get you again? Did you plan your life so you'd be around them as much as you could so if they'd have made mistake, you can make sure everybody knew about it? Let's have a look and see how did these things dominate you? What happened? That's what it asked us to do here.

It says in that state, the wrongdoings of others fancied or real. Does that mean some of this only happened in my own head? Yeah. That's what that means. I'm sorry.

I had the power to actually kill it. I sponsored a guy that had the California Highway Patrol down on his list. All of them. And as we did some analysis, he he said, I I don't think I have a I'm okay with them again. I said, no.

You you resented them. I mean, they he says, well, it occurred to me that if I hadn't been driving that fast and all over the road, they probably wouldn't have stopped me. And if I hadn't taken a swing at that first, they probably wouldn't have beat me up. I I said, okay. We'll let that one go.

Fancy or real. It says, how could we escape? That's a good question. We saw that these resentments must be mastered. Do you?

We just threatened your life 7 times on this page. Was that sufficient? A good salesman will never ever mention price until he's established value. Never. We just threatened your life all over the page.

Was that sufficient for you? Are you convinced that it does not matter what the price is, you're going to have to pay it? I hope so because the price is kinda high. It says we could not wish them away any more than alcohol. This was our course.

We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. My mentor defines spiritually sick as cut off from God. And I asked him and I asked you, think of the 1 or 2 worst things you ever did. I'm not gonna call anybody. Think of 1 or 2 worst things you ever did.

I know there are a lot in the room who wouldn't mind being called on because they've gotten free. Weren't you spiritually sick to have done those things? I mean, spiritually healthy people don't do that kind of stuff, do they? See, I've got something the angels don't have. I have the ability to turn my back on God and go right back to doing it my way.

And that's what I was doing when I did those things that are the ugliest in my inventory. That's what I was doing. And, one of my other mentors did it this way, the word realize. He said, I realized. I can know something, but when I realize it, it becomes real for me on a different level.

It's what my wife calls heart knowledge. And I think the other thing with that word is I begin to see it with my real eyes, not these, but my spirit eyes. And I have most real eyes that the people who wronged me were perhaps spiritually sick. It's the beginning of forgiveness process. And what I asked them to do is to sit down and one at a time, first in that 5 minute period, to invite God in for clarity and so on, and then to talk to God about the 2 or 3 worst things you ever did.

Talk to him about him and how you crave his forgiveness and how spiritually sick you were to have done those things. And I think it puts you in a good frame of mind to then go down that list 1 at a time and do the simple prayer. First name on the list, Fred. God help me see that Fred was not an s o b. He was just spiritually sick.

Pardon me. Just spiritually sick. Grant me those spirit eyes to be able to see that. 2nd name on the list, Mary. God help me.

And just pray the list once. Top of page 67. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they like ourselves were sick too. The symptom of their spiritual sickness is whatever they did, they left me with a resentment. The way they disturbed me is my resentment.