The A Better Way Group in Texarkana, AR

Hello. How y'all doing? Yeah. Before I get started, I wanna thank the committees and, anybody responsible for having me here tonight. It's a great honor to be here.

Hell, it's a great honor to be anywhere sober, you know. And y'all some beautiful people. You know that? Wow, man. Y'all should see what I see.

And y'all something else now. Y'all not the same people used to drink them bars with me. Are you? Because y'all didn't look like that. Y'all didn't look that good, man.

Y'all's hair is all fixed and stuff. Y'all got on decent looking clothes and stuff. Ain't none of y'all bleeding. Must not have been any bother then. Anyway, I just wanna thank y'all for letting me be here because, I don't believe there's any way possible to come from where I came from to Texarkana, Texas 32 years 3 months later.

I don't believe there's no way you can make that trip. God can and he will. And I just had to get out of the way and let him. And, it's a great honor to be here with y'all. Thank you.

Hello, everybody. My name is Alan. I'm an alcoholic. And by the grace of God and the help of a lot of people in meetings like this and people like you, I haven't found it necessary to take a drink or any other mind changing chemical since the 3rd day of August 1971. For that, I am indeed grateful.

And I know a lot of other folks is grateful too. I'll tell you what, there won't be a whole lot of drunk alarm in my talk. And would y'all mind too much if I took this coat off? No. Thank you.

It's burning me up. Here you go, Jake. I got my helmet right here to catch it. Alright. That's in case I spit my teeth out too so you can catch them and hand them back to me.

But anyway, anyway, y'all, y'all come here expecting drunk log. You ain't gonna hear too much of that because I ain't gonna go into that because, I'm gonna tell you the truth. I don't think you need nobody to tell you how to drink. I think that's why you're here, you know. I'm gonna tell you a little bit about my drunk alarm and I'm I'm gonna qualify myself, then I'm gonna go on into my recovery.

Because I'm gonna tell you what happened, what it was like, and what it's like today. And, it's hard to do that in 1 hour. So I'm gonna get on with it. In 1970, I I'm a carpenter and I and I, work construction. And I was working down at Dow Chemical and I was working to shut down down at Dow Chemical and, we work at 712 and I did it for about 4 or 5 months.

And we got off the shutdown. I went to the union hall. Had a pocket full of money and, went down to the union hall, paid some dude and mess around a little bit to see if there was anything else to get on. Me and a young man was coming down coming down the steps and he said let's go across the street and have a beer. And I said well, man, it's going to have to be a quick one because I got a lot to do, man.

I've been busy busy. I've been working a lot of hours, man. I said I need a lot of stuff to do. He's okay. So we walked across the street.

That was Monday morning about 9:30, 10 o'clock in the morning to have a beer. That's impossible for an alcoholic. I came to in El Paso, Texas on Friday. I had 20¢ in my pocket and 3 pocket rocket. And, I had on one shoe and one sock and they went on the same feet and no shirt.

And I called down in Santa Fe, Texas to that woman that I was married to at the time, and I will refer to her as old what's her name from this point on. I called her old what's her name and, I told her what's her name to send me some money, and old what's her name told me what I could do and I told her what I was gonna do when I got there. I hung up that phone and I put them pocket rockets in my mouth and I and for many years in AA, I would tell you that I hitchhiked back to Santa Fe, and that's about 900 miles. That and that was a lie. The truth is I stole a car.

I'd steal a car and drive it till the gas went out. I'd still love it and drive it a little further. Because you see, alcohol wasn't my only problem. I had an outside issue, and it was called stealing cars. And I love to steal cars.

The truth of the matter is is I still like to steal a car. God won't let me do it no more, you know. Y'all pull up some of them 5 rides at the main meeting, I'll be doing stolid twice in my head. Boom. Boom.

Thinking about what you think about when you come out of that meat, I'd be riding in your car. Going on to the job, shout. I can play with that. God said I can do it as long as I don't put no action to it. I can think about it all I want, and buddy, I'll do it because I like it.

And, you know, I still didn't call. I got back there. Got back to Santa Fe. I put a knot on her head just like I told her I would know what to do. I went to the chop chop, chop the car, got a packet full of money, I'm back on the road again.

I'm back at it man. Well in 1970 70, my brother, my oldest brother, came to, a program called Alcoholics Anonymous. And he come over my house and told me, he said, man, I ain't got a drink no more. I said, good for you. He said, you wanna go with me?

I said, no. Well, my little brother kept about beating me till I went to a few of them A and A meetings. And I'd go down to Angleson, Texas and they had this little bitty short guy and I could talk about him today because he's gone to the big meeting in this guy. His name was Frenchy Arsenal. He's a little bitty fellow and he'd get right up in my face and say, you got a problem with alcohol?

I said, no. Wasn't no problem. I said I'm down here because my brother's in this program. My dad's in the penitentiary for 13th offense DUI, and I'm trying to find out something about this program. And, you know, and I thought I was running a real good con on them until I came in the program and I realized they never sent me with the alanine.

They always kept me with them drunks. And whenever they get out them chips, they'd bump me and I'd get up and get one of them chips and they'd all clap. And on the way home, I let my brother let me out at the beer joint. A block from my house and I'd get drunk and I walk home, I'd pitch them chips in this field. Somebody asked me one time, said, do you ever go back and look for them chips?

No. They didn't work. What I want with them. I don't want them. But on August 2, 1971, I'd had I was working on a college in the mainland Texas City, Texas.

I was a saw man and it rained us out about 10 o'clock in the morning. Now if you y'all work construction, I don't know if you do or not, but you know when rain when it rains you out, you go home. Well, you know, we even got songs about that. You know, well, we did. You know, oh, Lord, if it's in your power, give us one little rain out of the shower.

Oh, Lord, if you can see fit, make it rain on all this shit. I wanna go to bed, John. You know? That morning, it was raining, man, and I went to the beer joint. Here I go to the beer joint.

Boom boom boom boom. Man, I get to that beer joint. I get in there and stay all day long, man. Get in a couple fist fights. Oh, man.

Things are going good, you know. And I'm a close to off, you know, I'm doing good, man. I'm looking good. Got a big old achy on my eye. I go home to watch the night, and I thump her on the head, it'll come down.

Boom boom boom. And, thump her on the eye. Boom boom. You know, she got to run that mouth. So I left her.

I packed all my guns, got in my truck. I'm going to get drunk. Now I'm already got I can't hardly walk where I'm going to you know, and I love gun. Well, I did one of them pass out numbers, you know. I don't know if any of y'all ever done that, but I do it.

And, I passed out and I woke up. I came to. And it's about 2:30, 3 o'clock in the morning. I don't really know, but I sat up on the side of the bed and and I looked over there, there's a little mirror over there. And I looked in that mirror and I didn't know that guy looking back at me, because that guy just didn't care.

He didn't care about anything or anybody. He didn't love nobody. Only person in the world I loved was my mama, and that's it. I hated everybody else. I hated all of y'all.

I hated everybody. I hated me most of all, and I didn't care about anything. It didn't matter. Them old guys will pull them guns on me and them beards when I get right in the space and say, pull the trigger, man. Pull it.

Go on and do it, man. I don't care. You know, and they they look at you weird, you know, and you just bottle them in the zap. Boom. You know, you ain't gonna pull the trigger.

Boom. Boom. You know, that's how crazy. I was crazy. You know, I was crazy, man.

And that morning, I looked in that mirror and I didn't recognize that fellow looking back at me. I reached over on that bed and I picked up that big old pistol and I said, I'm gonna fix this. Man, you can't go on like this no more. You're an animal and you and they don't need the world don't need you. And I've talked that pistol and I put it in my mouth.

And I've heard alcoholics, anonymous people, talk about that and they said they didn't do it because it would hurt or make a big mess or they, you know, in some reason or other, they didn't do it. Truth was, folks, I didn't care One way or the other. I just didn't care. I didn't care. It didn't matter.

But I remember saying, God, if you're out there and I don't believe it. I don't believe you are. But my mom and them believes you out there. And they if you if you really are, please help me because I can't help myself. I completely rescinded I completely surrendered to alcohol.

My life was unmanageable by me. I couldn't go any further. I came to the end of the rope. That was the end of the trail. I passed out.

I had a bad habit of doing that. Right at the right moment. Boom. I come to I'm in Santa Fe. 18, 19 miles away and I'm beating on my oldest brother's door.

Boom. Boom. Boom. About 3 o'clock, 3:30, 4 o'clock in the morning early. Now my oldest brother's a big guy.

He's he's bigger than than Doug and me. I mean, he's a big fella, and he don't like a whole lot of people. He really don't. And he don't like nobody at 4 o'clock in the morning. You can believe it.

He don't even like yourself at 4 o'clock in the morning. And he come to the door and he said, this better be good because somebody's supposed to get the ass kicked. And he opened that door and he looked at me, and to show you what kind of shape I was in, he said, oh my God. Oh my God. I said, yeah brother, I've had enough.

I can't go no more, man. This is it. This is it. I can't do it no more. He said, okay, come on in.

We went in there, we drank coffee till daylight. We drank coffee till daylight and, and, he had to go to work. And and when he got ready to go to work, he told me, he said, can you stay sober all day today? And I said, yes. And he said, don't take none of them fun little pills and come back here.

7 o'clock tonight, I'll take you to the alcohol and summons meeting. I said, okay. I went home, went back over that motel, got a different quote, went back to that house where I'll watch your name was. But I'm smarter than my brother. I know he don't get home at no 7 o'clock.

When he drove up in the driveway at 5:30, I was standing there. Now I ain't had nothing to drink. I ain't had nothing to do for all day, man. And I am nervous. I'm smoking Pall Mall cigarettes 3 at a time, brother, and I'm busy.

You hear me? I mean, I'm coming up I'm doing my number, you know? I'm doing it real quick, man. And I said, brother, call them people up, man, and tell them to come put that healing on me or whatever they do, man. Come tell them to come do it.

I gotta have some relief, brother. Just shoot up in here mugs or somebody's gotta have some relief, you know. Tell them to come do it. He said, man, you just don't understand. I said, damn that, man.

Just tell them to come put the healing on me. You know, I need to know what you was gonna do and I didn't care. You know, I just needed some relief, man. And he said, you don't understand. He said, I'm gonna go in the house, eat my supper, take my shower, read my paper at 7 o'clock.

I'm going to Amy. And if you're here, you can go with me. I said, okay. So he goes in the house. I go out in the street and I start walking up down in the in the street, in the neighborhood.

Them neighbors get nervous now. Some of them folks got new cars and stuff, you know. They done read about me in the newspaper stuff, you know. My sister-in-law come out to say, how you gotta come out the street or they gonna have you arrested. Now you know what kind of guy I am.

Most of y'all know. I got to stand in the street and tell them about it. Go, come, please. Leave my leg there. You know, she said, come in the yard, man.

Crazy man loose in the neighborhood. I'm all up in the yard, man. She goes in the house. I'm all up in the fly beds and everywhere. I'm smoking them palm oil 3 at a time.

You know, light to no one. You know, I'm crazy, man. She comes in there and gets me and takes me in the house, and she, she pours the coffee, man. I shake it all over the floor. She'd wipe it up and pour me another cup.

People cared about me when I didn't care about myself. People loving me when I wasn't capable of loving myself. That's what it was about. 7 o'clock finally got there. We got today AME.

Now I don't know about none of y'all, but did y'all dress for your first AME? I did. I had no good clothes, so I didn't do that. But I had a good pistol. I had a 45 in the middle of my back, a 9 letter meat on my leg, and a boot knife on this side.

Now I didn't have a clue what you was gonna do, but I was ready for you whatever you was gonna do. And I get about a block from that meeting, and I'm thinking about that little guy. You know, I see this little guy, you know? And I said, what am I gonna do if he tells me, man, we tried to give you this program and and you didn't want it. So now you want it, you gotta go, man.

I said, what I'm gonna do if you run me off? I'm gonna die. You know? I did not know that the only requirement for membership was a desire to stop drinking. I didn't know that you couldn't run me off.

My alanine tells me my alanine tells me and that's my alanine right there. My alanine tells me, you know, anybody can get an AA. You gotta know somebody to get in the hell of that. So look who you know. Oh, man.

They're sick. They sickies. But I get to that AA meeting man and I'm and I'm worried about that little guy. I thought it was something like the Masons or something, you know, over the junior hall where they could blackball you and throw you out. You know what I'm saying?

I didn't know that you couldn't run me off. And I'm looking and I'm bobbing and weaving and looking. You know how you do that, man, like you do in the COVID? You know what I'm talking about? Some people in here know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, man, I feel this hand come on my shoulder. And I turn around and it's just a little guy. And I grab him. And what does a good alcoholic do that's about me? I grab him by the shirt, say I wanna talk to you and out the door we go.

We get outside and I gotta tell him quick, you know. Look here, man. I'm alcoholic. I gotta have this program. I'm dying from this disease.

And if you try to run me off, I'm a beat the hell out of you. He said, I don't wanna run you nowhere, man. I do not wanna run you nowhere. Caring about you helps me. Helping you helps me.

I cannot keep this program if I don't give it away. And I looked at it all weird, you know. And he said, don't worry about it. It's okay. He gave me a card with a quarter in it.

Said, call me anytime. Day or night. I care. And I believed him. I don't know why I believed him, but I believed him.

And I still have that quarter today in my desk at home. And, you know, I couldn't believe that this guy cared, but I could feel it. I could feel it in his voice. I could feel it in his actions. And then he made a big mistake.

A big, big, big sin. He hugged me. I don't play that, homie. No, now. Get back.

Get back, man. I thought he was reaching for my girl or something. I don't know what he was doing, but don't put that hug in. Shake my hand, man. Don't be hugging on me, hon.

He said, alright. I said, yeah, maybe. Come on in to meet me, man. So I went on in there, bought me a cup of coffee man. And I sit down, and I was in there for 30 minutes, and I had the answer.

I had the answer I've been looking for. You told me I never had to drink again. You gave me the answer. Be careful what you're telling me when they hear it. I'm telling you I heard it.

And you said, work the steps and you'll never have to drink again. I did the next 30 minutes of that program. The next 30 minutes of that meeting, I worked all the way with them still. You said to the best of my ability. That's what you I took you at your word.

The very first step I called at Sonoma is I worked it in that motel room. I did it with God in that motel room and I ain't never had to do it no more. I still am powerless over our calling. God is my manager, and I know that today. I ain't never had to do that because I know from my heart inside my soul, I know that I gave my life to god.

And I know that he took that thing away from me. I know that. The second step I called his nemesis said something about insanity. Well, hell, you don't be doing what I've been doing and that it'd be sane, bro. That's pure dumb crazy insane stuff I was doing.

So you got your work cut out for you. Step 3. God. I don't believe in God. Trunk that one.

Write a inventory. Well, I ain't about to write that shit down. That stuff will send me the penitentiary, man. And I sure ain't telling nobody about it. I don't need that.

Now character defects are shortcoming. I don't even have a clue what that is. I must have some, get on with the working on them, you know. Now I'm on step 8. I ain't been here 10 minutes, I already on step 8.

I can write you a list of all the people that had harmed me. And I was ready to make you a list of all of them. And they could start making their meals to me immediately. In cash, I needed the money. Now we're on step 10.

See, I can get over this stuff now. This man works. Now I don't make mistakes, none that I'll admit to, so I don't need that. Now I'm on step 11, I was more God. I don't need that, so I'm gone.

I'm on step 12. Now if any of y'all need any help, step on up here and give it I'll give it to you. Guess what? Nobody stepped up there. Because like my sponsor said, you can't be who you are not, and you can't give away what you ain't got.

You can believe that. And I had nothing so I could give nothing. So I'm in a year, well, and, you know, I didn't want no book. I want no sponsor. I don't want no God.

I don't want none of that. All I wanted was to not drink. I didn't need that other stuff. All I needed was to not drink. I take care of all the rest of it.

See, I still got a little control problem. A little one. A little one. Well, I'm gonna tell y'all why I got a sponsor. Because y'all aggravating, that's why.

Y'all can aggravate somebody to death now. Who's your sponsor? You got a sponsor? Oh, I gonna get a sponsor to you. Alright.

Hush. Just be quiet, man. I called this lady 11 years old. Neva g. She's gone to the big big meeting in the sky, and I love Neva.

Neva was a tough old broad now. And I called up and I said, I need to make a sponsor appointment with you. I need to come see you. She said, come on over here, fool. And I went over to her house.

Got out the truck. She said, what you need? I said, I need to know how to get a sponsor. She said, get you somebody you like. I said, I don't like nobody.

I don't even like you. She said, good. I don't like you either. I said, that's fine. So get somebody that you trust.

Now if you come off your street like I did, and you tell me you trust somebody, I don't want you because you're gonna lie about something else too. And my spouse explained that to me. Trust is something that you earned. It ain't something you give. You want me to trust you.

You become trustworthy. You earn it and then I'll trust you. Because you give it to me, it ain't worth having. If you earn it, it's worth having. That's what I've learned since I've been here.

So the next thing out of this lady's mouth saved my life. And she said, well hell, I'll go get you somebody as sorry as you are. Well, that eliminated about 95% of hell. But I knew one, and his name was Jesse c. And I went and asked Jesse to be my sponsor, and I did that wrong too.

Because I got 15 days more surprised than he got. But he is smarter than me. He went and got some a lady with Neva, who's 11 years and Dick was 6. And they taught him and he taught me. And I'm gonna tell you something, I have the very best sponsor in alcoholics and animals.

Boy, none. My sponsor is the best there he is. And I'm gonna tell you why I believe that, Because I will listen to him. And what he says I hear. Because see, sometimes what you say ain't what I hear.

And I'm gonna tell you something else. If you don't think that your sponsor is the very best sponsor there is, you got the wrong one. You better get you another one because you die behind this stuff. They this ain't no play game now. This is life and death stuff.

You better get somebody you can listen to. You better. And I promise you, if you do, you got a beautiful road ahead of you brother. You got a beautiful thing ahead of you. It's gonna be some rough road.

It's gonna be some bumpy road. There's gonna be some miracle. And, oh, you're gonna be surprised. Just keep coming back. That's what it's about.

They tell you things that alcohol is synonymous like. Don't get no resentment. Resembodied kid, alcoholic. Well, now you tell me not to go get a resemblance. That's exactly what I did.

I went on right away and got me one. If you tell me I ain't supposed to have 1, I'm gonna get me one. She come in the form of a little white haired lady about that big. Her name is Audra m. Mhmm.

And she's something. And I hated that lady. Man, did I hate her. I'd run from her. I won't be on me where she was.

I go down to Anglesville and I'll be damned if she'd be the guest speaker. I go to Texas City, she'd be Jay and the meter. I go to a 20 5 club up in Houston, she'd come in and sit down right beside me. I love you big hell. I said, I don't love you.

You bleed ass. So I come up with an idea how to get to take care of this. I'm riding down the road with my sponsor, his sponsor. I said, I'm gonna take care of all the man. I'm gonna bust a cap on them.

Dick said, good. I don't like her either. He said, dude. We ride a little further, he says, look here man, Pray for her for 30 days. End of 30 days, if you're still here, you got my permission to shoot it.

And I'll bring you some cigarettes in jail. I said, Okay. I ain't worried about jail town. I don't care about it. So anyway, I'm, man, I I you know what?

If you solve a problem for a drunk, you always got another one right behind him. He got 4 more questions. He's like a little kid. He got 4 more questions right behind. I said, how you praying for her?

Well, I don't believe in God. I don't know how to pray. You told me every day to get on my knees and ask God to see me through this day without a drink and to thank him at night. And that's what I've been doing. I don't know how to do none of that other stuff.

I didn't know how to pray. He said, just say God bless all of you because you can't. I said, okay. I wouldn't I do that? He said, every time you think about it.

On the way in at work in the morning, I'll burn her up, Jack. In a meeting? Oh, brother. I'll be bumming. God bless all of her.

God bless all of her. God bless all of her. And she comes sit down by me. I love you big gal. I think god bless all.

God bless all. Don't let me hit this bitch. Don't let me hit this bitch. God bless all. Let me sit on my head.

God bless all. Well, 26 days into this thing, I'm making coffee to the anniversary for Alvin Taylor Street Group, the Alvin Group. Me and my sponsor, we've been making coffee for all them drummers. It's a lot of coffee, man. And big old coffee pots just like that one back there.

And I turned around, cleaned that coffee pot, and I looked in that kitchen and my sponsor done abandoned me. He done took off somewhere. And there she was. And I said, I'm gonna tell you old lady why I got thrown why I hate you. She said, please do.

And my mind's saying, man, you only got 4 more days than you can shoot her. She said, please, tell me. I said, okay. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you the second one.

Hey. Because you got a God that would work for me. I could see it. You walk in a room and this is blow. I could see it.

And I know that that God is real, and I know that God's alive, and I know it'll work for me. But I don't know how to ask somebody, a little old lady like you, man, as macho as I am, as much pride and ego as I got, and a big old rough sucker like me, how do I ask a little bitty lady like you something that important? And she said, you just did. She said, I would be honored to show you about my God. And she hugged me.

She said, welcome home, honey. It's okay. She bought me a balance. She told me how to use it, told me what to do with it, and she showed me back how Because she cared. You see, she didn't only just talk the program.

She walked the program. She walked the walk and she talked the talk, brother. She went that extra mile because I was willing to say something. I opened my mouth. I didn't let that ego and that fear, that monterism, and that big ass ego get in my way.

And it saved my life. I got this crazy sponsor. Now my sponsor's crazy. Now I want to tell y'all my sponsor is crazy. Alright.

And there ain't no doubt about it. My sponsor is stone crazy. But I love him more than life. And he's a good sponsor, but he's nuts. We had an AM meeting and, he'd been my sponsor about a month and he says, you got a big boot?

I said, no. He said, go over on the table and steal that one. I said, no way, man. I ain't stealing from my head, man. That's why I be sacrilegious or something.

Like I know something about religion. He said, let me woah, woah, woah, woah. My sponsor always ask questions. Woah, woah, woah. He said, would you steal the drink?

I said, yeah. I have many kind. He said, oh, in other words let me see. He said, you will steal to kill yourself, but you won't steal to save your life. Now what's wrong with that?

He said, go all over and got it. I said, well, I'll put it like that. I'm a go get it. I said, go get it. I went over and got it.

I still got it today. He said, don't worry about it. Don't worry about that. Just don't worry about it at all. I said, why not?

He said, because if you stay around here long enough, you're gonna eventually get to the 9th step and you can make amends for that book. And I stayed long enough to make amends for that book, and I worried about that book for 2 weeks. How am I gonna tell? Finally, I got up at the voting booth meeting and I said, I wanna tell y'all something. I stole y'all book.

I wanted to make amends for it. They said, Sam, shut up, fool. We don't care. We care about you, man. Pay for the damn book and go on, man.

I said, okay, brother. See, they loved me when I couldn't love myself, man. They loved me. The big book Alcoholist Anonymous says, if your spiritual house is not in order, you will surely drink again. It don't say you might.

It don't say you got a good chance. It says you will. If your spiritual house is not in order, you will drink again. I said, Bull. Ain't no way I'm gonna drink again.

Ain't got nothing to do with that. But one day I'm coming out of Galveston, Texas from work and my spiritual house ain't in order. I'm still working on that. And I find myself parked in front of the liquor store on 49th Broadway, Forbes liquor store, and I'm going in and I have no power over it at all. If I walk through that door, I'm drunk, and I don't have any power over it.

I don't have any power. I don't have nothing to lean back on. And I heard what you said. I heard you loud and clear in my head. Say call your sponsor.

Call your sponsor before you drink, not afterward. I said, okay. I said, he ain't home because he's working. But I'm gonna call him and then if I drink it's his fault because he should have been home to help me. I call his house, he answers the phone.

Hello. I said, hey, man. What's going on, bruh? I said, look here, man. I don't know, but I'm here in front of this poor liquor store, and I think I'm fishing to drink.

And I don't have I can't there ain't nothing I can do about it. He didn't laugh. He didn't think it was funny. He didn't get mad. He said, hold on a minute.

Let me think about it. He said, oh, yeah. I got it. I got it. I got it.

My own craziest pups. I got it. I know how you ain't gonna drink. How's that? He said, take off all your clothes.

Get stark naked. Get out in the middle of Broadway in direct traffic. He said, the police will arrest you. I'll come get you out of jail if you won't drink. I said, you lost your mind, man.

You have gone stone crazy. Boom. I hang up that phone, I jump in that truck, and I haul it to all the way to Santa Fe to his house. I'm in his front yard, and I'm jumping all over him about it. I'm fixing to fire you.

I don't need a crazy sucker like you as my sponsor. And he said, how? And I said, what? And he said, did you drink? And I said, no.

He said, It's working. Keep coming back. He said I knew I had to shock you bad enough to get you here. I can't help you 20 miles down the road. I can help you with 5 ball to eyeball.

Boy, nuts. I got a nutty sponsor, man. He calls me up and he says, he said, let's go to a meeting. You want to go? I said, sure, man.

We go to a meeting every day somewhere. We doing the penitentiaries and everything, man. We we make a lot to meet. And he said, so where we going? He said, let's go over to Battle, Texas.

I said, man, that's about 90 or a 100 miles over there. What we gonna do way over there? We live way over there by Hitchcock, you know? Way on the coast of Houston. Beaumont's way over there by the border.

And he said, well, there's a meeting over there. I said, okay. So we put some gas in the car and we take off the battery, man. We get the battery, Texas. We're riding around.

My sponsor said, where are the meat now? I said, fool, you brought me over here. I don't even know there is a meeting over here. And he said, yeah. There's a meeting over here.

It's in the book. Y'all done messed him up, man. Y'all give him one of the books which showed him where all the meetings were, and he won't go see if there's really that. So we don't know where the meeting is. He said, it ain't just violent, little old bit of place.

So we're riding around and violent. You see these cars out in front of this building. So we get out, me and my old crazy sponsor, we walk in the door, and I know we in the wrong place. They got robes and hoods, and they got a big old dress. They're looking funny, man.

They just kinda said, can I help you? I said, I hope not. I hope you can help me, bro. He said, what are you looking for, man? I said, the AME.

He said, come here, I'll show you. He said, right down there, man, that little blue building. I said, okay. He said, that's AME. He said, go on down.

I'll be down there in about 15 minutes. And he did, and he sit by me. Why do they always wanna sit by me? My sponsor said, because they've been drawn to the sick ones. You know, my sponsor's something, man.

My sponsor's really something. He's so something. And, you know, I don't know why I'm gonna tell you this because I don't ever bring this up in my talk, but and I'm gonna have to I'm about to bring this up. You all know about anonymity? Well, I got a mama.

It's something. She loves alcohol tonight. Me and my sponsor started a new group called the Santa Fe Group. And this last August started to sell it celebrated 31 years of being there. And, me and my sponsor started that group because they needed to meet in there.

And we my mom run around town telling everybody that if their kids needed help, call me and Jesse. That we had a good AA group going and then we were doing AA. And and my, and my sponsor said, we need to go talk to her about that anonymity. Yeah. I said, okay.

So he said, well, go on over there. I'll be over there in a minute. I should've knew something was wrong with that. I went over there, you know, my mom's over there. I I sit in my mom there.

She gets a cup of coffee. I tell her all about the anemone. Tell her I don't want her doing it no more. That lady got I got through and she said, are you through? I said, yes, ma'am.

She said, where'd you check your shit as far as that? I said, he'd be here to me and said he ain't coming. He knows better. He said to you over here because you dumb. She said, but I'm gonna tell you something.

She said, when I you was out there doing that stuff and I was reading about you in the paper, said all them women around here would talk about how sorry you would. And you know what? I couldn't say a word because I'd be embarrassed and I'd be hurt. I couldn't say anything because it's true. And she said they never let me forget that.

Told me about it every time they see me. And she said now that you're sober and doing what's right, I ain't gonna let them forget it either. And if you got a problem with that and if you got a problem with that, then you better deal with it. Now get out of my house where I beat your butt. I said, yes ma'am.

When I went over to my sponsor, I said, chicken shit. He said, I can't believe you was that dumb. Did she want you? I said, no, but she almost did. My sponsor's something.

You know, God puts many blessings on me. I would like for y'all to know that I love the program called Al Anon. I love to pick on them. I love to pick on them, but I want to show y'all my beautiful outline. Would you please stand up to your name?

And I got a reason I'm gonna let you see her because I got some stuff I'm gonna say about her in a minute. It's real good stuff. But anyway, anyhow, we're walking along and I'm about 24 years sober and, you know, 1995 and, they had a world conference out in California. I wanted to go. And I went home and talked to my alanine.

And they can do some tricks with them books. I don't know how they do that, but then we came up with no money. We had a older son living out there, and we went out out there and stayed with him in in, right north of San Diego, right in south LA. And and I went to the to the conference. Well now, I want to tell you about that.

Now back when I was doing my amends, there were some of those amends that I couldn't make. And my sponsor asked me the same question some of y'all sponsor asked y'all. Are you willing if it ever comes up? Are you willing? And I know exactly what you say.

Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. For sure. Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

Because you know you ain't gotta do it. Believe me, because that's what I did. Because I couldn't go to California. But I was going there and did. My sponsor said, good if you're going to California, man.

You making my millions while you're out there. I said, you ain't forgot that? He said, nope. Write them down. Okay.

I do it. I wrote them down. I wanna see them. See, my sponsor still don't believe me. We went out there.

I gotta tell you a little funny thing happened. I got a travel agent and all kinds of stuff. I was supposed to get a, I asked him for a Lincoln town car because the guys gonna go. But see, I'm not real good at being good to me and I don't know how to do that. I know how to send my wife out there to see the boy and I know how to send people to hell I I know how to help people, but I can't help me.