English Area NA Convention 9 in Montreal, Canada

And I'm an addict. And There's something that you can do to, to help me. And, I hope you don't mind my sitting down, but I know if I stand too long, I probably will fall. But I would like for you to just touch someone's hand and say, I place my hand in the palm of your hand because I care. Everybody.

Thank you. One of the things that I really know for sure, is that I wanted love. There was no mistake about that. I knew I wanted love. And believe me, it was not until I became a member of Narcotics Anonymous that not only did I receive love, but I understood love for the first time in my life.

And it was like really nothing you can describe. You you have to experience it. I was a child born to man and woman, I thought happily married. I was one of 7 children, and we lived in a small country town in Maryland. And we did basically the same thing every day.

We went to school, We went to church. And we stayed home a lot. And I thought for 19 years that that was all we were going to ever do. And I know for me, certain things had to happen in my life in order for things to change. And what happened was that my mother and father decided after 20 some years of marriage, they no longer wanted to be together.

I learned years later it was just my mother who did not want to stay in that marriage. I had been sent away to college, and and I thought this was, you know, a real special deal for me. But when I called home to find out who was gonna pick me up, my father came, and my mother has always been the controller. She took care of everything. And when dad picked me up, I, said, where's mama?

And he said, we'll talk about it. Well, we never did talk about it. I got home and and the other siblings told me my mother had left. And probably, maybe one of a few, I was so glad my mother was gone. I did not know what to do.

She was that kind of person that, you know, she would whip my ass 7 days a week. I never did anything right. She told me I was going to be nothing and have a house full of kids. My mother used to say some things to me that was unbelievable. So I was glad she had left.

And I got to do the one thing that I had wanted to do for so long, and that was to go to a joint in a place called Waldorf, Maryland and and have a drink and dance all night long. And that's exactly what I did at 19. I had the best time that I thought anybody could possibly have. And and there were a lot of other people there, and and this place was not one that you would want to talk about because it was just a big old cement building with a lot of other drunks like myself. We had a 3 piece band and a lot of those slot machines, and, baby, I wailed all night long.

And I said, this is the way to do it. Well, I stayed in that little town about 2 years after my mother and father separated, and they decided that I could not stay there because they heard that I was doing things, but I really wasn't. The only thing I was doing was was going to the joint. I decided to get me a job. I wasn't going to go back to school.

But what they thought was that I was going out with boys, and and I really didn't know how to do that. So they came back to this little town, and they brought me to Washington, D. C, where they lived. And I got a job at a place called Ben's Chili Bowl. And this place is in the red light district.

And I thought probably for someone like me coming from the country, this was almost like Hollywood. You know, the place was lit up real bright, and and people stayed up all night long, and and everybody seemed to be talking and smiling and just having a great time. And one night, this guy walked in, and he was real neat. And he sit on one of the little bar stews in Ben's chili bowl, and he said the magic words, Hi, baby. That's been the story of my life.

God is saying, hi, baby. Well, I had no idea that it was gonna be so much when it came to that high baby. I had no idea, about people using drugs or or or whatever. I really didn't. But he was so cool, you know.

This guy could sit for hours, you know, and just do nothing. And I thought that was cool. I I could not sit for hours like that. And and and anything could happen, you know, and he'd still be sitting there. And and this guy one day went to the bathroom in my mother's place, and and I went to the bathroom because it was taking him so long and just kind of opened up the door.

And this guy was sitting there with a syringe in his arm. And all I did was close the door and went back to the living room. I really don't need to describe what happened after that. My using was all about feeling better because most of my life, I I was unhappy. I didn't feel good about anything.

And and one day somebody suggested to him, just give her a little bit of this stuff, and it'll make her feel better. And I guarantee you, it did make me feel better. In 7 days, being as innocent as I was, I went to that man's stash and I used. And on the 8th day, I woke up sick as a dog. And I thought I was pregnant.

And after we talked for about 5 or 10 minutes, we realized exactly what was going on. I had become addicted to heroin in 7 days. And, of course, you get that usual, I'll give you one more, and that's it. And, of course, that road became so rocky, it was unbelievable. My years of addiction didn't carry me anywhere.

I lived in a radius of about 12 blocks. And and that's where I went for the next 15 years, from one end of that 12 block radius to the other end. But in between, there were so many relationships. There was so much lying. There was so much deceiving.

There was so much agony and pain that even today I cannot describe to you how bad it really did get. And I'm not talking about going to jail. I'm not talking about losing a house. I'm not talking about, you know, the bank account. I'm not talking about getting beat up or whatever.

I'm talking about that kind of emotional pain that will take you to your knees. Because one thing I couldn't forget, and that is what my mother had taught me, what I had learned in church services even though I didn't think it applied to me. And I began to feel worse than I was already feeling. My last night on the street, I was in the Strip. I saw the right guy, and he just said, Come on, baby.

And I went into this room, and and probably none of you have experienced this, but it was a dirty room. 5 other people was in this little dirty room. Rats, roaches, and whatever else you could come up with. And that night, I used and I used and I used, and nothing worked. When they talk about rude awakenings, that is exactly what I had coming into this program.

I found out that no matter what, it just was not going to work anymore. And nobody in that room knew what to do. And I had to come outside of that room on a bright sunny day. And and and for the first time in my life, I got honest. I knew that I was in trouble, and I needed to get some help.

Believe me, it wasn't like I hadn't been to other mental institutions, because I had. Everyone in Washington DC area. I either went there after a suicide bit or I would go to my gastroologist. You know how we are. We get real big and large at sometimes.

And I went to his office and told him how bad my stomach was hurting. I got admitted that day, and in 2 days, I was on a psych unit. I don't know why. Nobody ever told me. But I would get admitted to hospitals no matter what.

And and people were real kind to me, and and it was like they understood, but they really didn't understand. For years, I looked for answers. I went to a private doctor, you know, who who finally one day said to me, girl, I got the place for you. And and I said, thank God. And he sent me to a methadone clinic.

And I got more pain. And I don't know about anybody else, but I have a tolerance that's unbelievable. I was on 150 milligrams of methadone. And guess what? It didn't work either.

My addiction has not been a question to me. I understood from the very first time that I used that I was doing something wrong. I knew no matter what. Coming from me, I just didn't have the the words. I didn't have the thoughts.

I didn't know what to do. And guess what? In all of this madness, I did not know how to talk. My mother had taught me years ago, speak when you're spoken to, come when you call, otherwise just go sit in the corner, little girl. So I did not know how to communicate with people.

I did not know how to tell anybody that I was in trouble. But that particular day, I made a decision. And I went to a mental institution that I had already been in three times, and they had a program there called Last Renaissance. And these people met me at the door and the first thing that they wanted was my pocketbook. And I said, Why?

But I know now why, because it was full of dope, and they knew me better than I knew myself. And they told me to go sit in this corner, in this chair, And in that corner, there was a sign that said, don't blow this chance. And they made me sit there for 8:8 long hours. And I thought and I thought and I thought, and my life just kind of like flashed in front of me. The pain that I felt sitting in that chair, when they decided to interview me, they did not have to ask me any questions.

I was on bending knees, begging these people. Would they please help me? And the only thing they said is, Kamalita, you can do this, but you got to get up. You got to get up. You got to get up.

And I didn't have no idea what they were talking about. But all my life, I had never been able to get up. I'm that kind of addict that will sit and stew and brew and complain and whine and cry and blame everybody else. I didn't understand that all this that was happening to me, I had set myself up for it. But they just told me, Carmelita, you gotta get up.

And one day after being in that program, somebody told me, she said, you gotta get up off your ass and do something. And I said, thank God. Now what do I do? What do you do with a 35 year old woman having 2 kids out of wedlock, having a little husband somewhere, even today, I don't know where that child is. He was so cute, though, and I thought I'd do something different.

And God knows the numerous relationships. And I am someone who have no problem with telling you the truth because I want to be free. So when the men ran out, yes, the women came next. And I did whatever I had to do just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe there's one thing I did during my years of the world.

And I'm going to take care of the world. And I'm going to take care of the world. And I'm going to take care of the world. And I'm going to take care of the world. And I'm going to take care of had anyone to take care of me.

So I went to work. And I was the kind of person who knew what people to get hooked up with. But this program told me that I could get up and do something with my life. I don't know if there's there's any other description, that I can give you other than the fact that I was an unfit mother. I was so ugly when I got to this program, and I'm talking about Inwood, that for years I had stopped looking in the mirror.

I was someone that had no regard to her body and what I did with it. I did everything I had to do. I was someone who was who was able to bring 2 kids into the world, but immediately I gave those children to my mother. And the only thing I guess decent I did was not to go back and get those 2 children. The only thing I would do is just send money to her to make sure that she would be able to to feed them and and and clothe them and keep a roof over their head.

The person I had become is someone that I refused to go back to being. I refused to. And they told me that there were some things I could do. And the first thing I had to do was learn how to tell the truth. I'm not so much a person who would tell you a lot of lies, I just wouldn't tell you anything at all.

And that's one of the worst lies that anybody could have in terms of of making a mess of their life. I stayed in this place for 2 years, and and I share with people. I actually have 20 years of clean time, but 2 in recovery. Because I spent 2 years in that place. And I kicked and I scratched and I got angry.

But one thing I did, I stayed there and I made I made a decision in that program that no matter what, I was not gonna leave. And they would try. They would send us out. They would have marathons that last for a whole weekend and and shout and cuss and and whatever else they had to do to us. But I refused to leave.

And maybe this was my first step in that program. When I came out of that program, I did not know where to go, what to do, but I got a place to live. I did not go to get my kids. And I made every effort I could to get back to that place every night and then come home just in time enough to go to bed. I finally found a job in in in a place where I'm I'm still working today, and that's at the VA hospital in a drug free program.

And in that program, this guy walked up to me one day and said, Kamalita, are you an alcoholic? And I never answered the question. He said, come on. I want you to go to this meeting with me. And, yes, I walked into the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I do not I do not hide that. That is my recovery. That is my story. And I will tell each and every one of you the truth. Thank God for AA because I would have never gotten NA.

And in those days back there, we learned how to do one thing in meetings, to shut up and listen. And they had no problem about telling you, where I come from, they speak it, you know, like shut the fuck up. When I walked in this meeting, there was a very, very neat person, and he looked like God himself. And he said, welcome. Would you like to have a cup of coffee?

He said, have a seat right over here, and the meeting's gonna start in a few minutes. And I'm gonna tell you, folk, when I walked in that place, I felt safe. I knew for 1 hour nothing was going to happen to me. People shared and they did whatever. All I heard at that meeting was to keep coming back.

And that's what I did. I was a desperate woman. There was no place else for me to go. There was nobody else to talk to. So I just kept going back to that meeting.

And one day, a guy in that meeting said to me, Kamalita, we want you to go to this meeting over here in Southeast Washington. And I didn't know why, but I kinda knew that I needed to follow some direction. So I went to that meeting and in that meeting is where I found my sponsor. And what happened was that they called on me, and and and I didn't know anything about really sharing in meetings. I'd been there for a while.

So I talked about my mother, my father. I talked about the kids. I talked about Lottie Dottie and everybody. And this woman spoke right after me, and she said something that was so clear. She says, Carmelita, none of those folks are here.

You are. So why don't you just start talking about you? But in the meantime, let me share my experience with you. And this woman talked about the degradation. She talked about the pain.

She talked about being in in alleys. She talked about being abandoned. And it seemed like to me, I don't know about anybody else, but this woman was talking. And I'm telling you, I just said, oh, God. You know, like help her.

And the next thing I knew, this woman was talking about the blessings of God. And I said, How in the world do you make that type of transformation? You know, I had known nothing but pain and agony all my life. And immediately when she stopped talking, I said, you're gonna be my sponsor. And she said, I'll be your friend.

And I'm a tell you something, ladies, especially ladies, I don't have no problem with that. I do not have any problem with anyone who knows more than I do. I do not have the problem of being jealous of women in this program, you know, being envious, resenting them. Baby, just let me introduce myself and you tell me how you do or how you get whatever it is you got. And to me, I've been able to do that.

When I came here, I was heavy as always. You know, I was a very much a plain Jane, and and I hadn't been anywhere. And women taught me how to go to the beauty salon. The beauty salon. They taught me how to sit and get me a pedicure and get my nails done.

They taught me about what kind of clothes to wear. And I had no problem with that. I did not come in this program to sit and tell myself some more lies and try that competitive thing because I knew it wasn't going to get me anywhere. In these meetings that I went to, my sponsor was that kind of person who took me to meetings. She said, If you get to the meeting, we'll take you home.

She would call me early in the morning saying, good morning, sunshine. 5 o'clock in the morning. She would call me at 12 noon and say, turn on your radio. There's a station you need to listen to. There was a 15 minute prayer service.

She'd call me at 4:30 and she said, I'll meet you in the exact meeting. And that's what I did. And you know what that is, folks? That's called following directions. I don't understand a lot of times people in Narcotics Anonymous.

I did not know where the hell I was going, so why was I gonna keep on telling myself what to do? This woman took the time to share and then she got real busy with me and told me what to do. And I still don't have a problem with that today. She has not ever lied to me. She told me, baby, you're no longer a hot tomato, so you can just kind of sit still in these meetings and you can listen and we can get to work.

The most amazing thing for me in this program was being introduced to a new way of life. And that's in those 12 steps. They talked about unmanageability and powerless less. Folks. I knew that was the truth.

You know, I was always the last one who came in at the race. I was always the little kid that was so dirty and and and just didn't take care of herself. I understood unmanageability. I didn't know what to do and where to go with myself. I don't know about anybody else, but when I did my inventory and I did it on relationships, that was the beginning, and I ran out of paper.

And I'm a tell you something. The only way you're gonna get to know about you, you're gonna have to put it on paper. And I don't sit up in meetings and suggest you write it. Goddammit, write it. Because that's what the book say to do.

In this program, there are too many of us putting in ours. Read the book. It says, get your pad and a pencil, a quiet place. Say say a prayer and get busy. And that's exactly what I had to do.

The second step was not questionable. I had been in too many mental institutions And there was never ever a question. And you know what? I never asked anybody to let me out. They talk about the 3rd step and I know a lot of people have said in meetings, I don't wanna hear that God thing.

Well, I don't think you're going to get here without having had that kind of contact. Believe me, we do not get here because somebody sent out what? A mail order or a telegram or whatever. They said birds of a feather flock together, and we know exactly how we got here. And it was only through the grace.

I am not, you are not supposed to be here if you got and I got what we deserved. I would either be in the penitentiary right now or in the graveyard. So I did not question the grace. The problem I had was being able to share that, Being able to go to somebody and say, hey, I'm scared to death of God, thunderstorms, and a few other things. But this sponsor was that person that I could sit and talk to.

She would take me to her house most of the time. And, of course, we'd sit up there and and watch those movies, you know, those pornography movies. And we'd eat chicken and sometimes we'd talk and sometimes we really didn't have to. It was almost like the message was coming right on through clear to both of us. This woman spent every day of her life and my life for two and a half years.

I did not go a day without seeing my sponsor. And it wasn't that we lived close, but the kind of commitment that we made, it was about getting better. And I knew the dope fiend that I was. And in Washington at that time, they called us junkies. And believe me, that is the name of the story.

When we got busy with the 4th step, and I've shared this, my sponsor said, no, you cannot do the 5th with me. And I said, why, Doreen? She says, Carmelita, because I tell my business, I'll tell your business and anybody else's business. So I respected my sponsor and I did go to someone else. And I happened to go to a man who I had known years years ago.

And I'm glad that I took my 5th step with him because that's how I began to relieve myself of those shame issues. I don't know about other women, but I do not want to live that lie in this program. So I was able to share with him. And and the only thing that he did was identify with me. And you know what?

We are more alike than unalike. It doesn't make any difference about our sex. I have learned in this program from people like Donald, people like Doreen, that there is a place for me. I understand now that there is a special gift that God has given each and every one of us. And in doing my 4th step, what I needed to do was to find out what was wrong with me and pull all that garbage out so I could really get down to what I'm really made of.

And I learned in my 4th step and during my 5th step, I was an angry person. I knew that I was angry. And for so long, I didn't know how to express it. I didn't even think I could express it. But in that program I was in, believe me, you got good and angry in that place.

And I learned how to express my anger. I also understood the exact nature was fear in my life. I've been afraid of everything. You know, you just don't know. And I've I've I've tried to share with the ladies.

I had not done anything. I hadn't been anywhere. I would not even attempt to come to a place like this. But in this program they they allow you to grow a little bit at a time. When I began to to own my character defects, I didn't have any problem with getting on my knees and saying, God, please take them 1 at a time, in the midst of the world.

I'm going to be in the midst of the world. I'm going to be in the midst of the world. I'm going to be in the midst of Some people said they don't want to get rid of lust. They don't want to get rid of their anger. Well, you keep it.

I don't want it. What I have, it gets me to and from. It gets me everything that I have ever dreamed of. And one of the things that they tell us in this program, you cannot keep it until you share it. And that's what I do.

My 8th step list was good and long, but I left one off and that was myself. I didn't think I deserved. And yet I had people in that fellowship that told me, Kamalita, you deserve happiness. My sponsor always said, happiness is not at the end of the road. It's along the road.

And I began to understand that. The miracle in Washington was that my sponsor, myself, 2 other guys, 1 a parole officer and another junkie. We wrote to California, got that white book, and started the first NA meeting in the Washington area and I didn't have no problem. Ain't got no problems now. I have situations.

I can find a solution no matter what because they allow us the freedom in these rooms to talk about it, to say exactly what we wanna say. And I realized years ago when I tried to talk properly and say the right words, it did not work. And there were some things that I needed to say the way I felt. And when I was able to do that, that was the beginning of that process of becoming free. One thing about making amends my sponsor told me was really important.

Please do not get up out of this meeting and walk out this door and say to somebody, I'm sorry. First of all, I've been sorry all my life, so I know they don't wanna hear that. The other thing is I was told that God is in charge and he will put you where he wants you to be in time to make your amends. My mother and father both separated, but I had contact with each and every one of them. And I was given the opportunity to make amends to my father and my mother.

I owed my father apologies because he had always loved me. He had always cared for me. He was the one person that took me into his arms. The one. My mother was a woman who who I found out later on loved me, but I just didn't love her way of showing me.

And she worked herself to death. But as this program would have it, my father died after I was here about 5 or 6 years. And and I was in touch with the members in this program. And all I had to do was pick up the telephone. Somebody was at that hospital in 15 minutes.

And the one thing that I needed more than anything else was to go to a meeting. Because my father had said to me lying there in that bed, comma leader, I wanna go home. And he had a massive heart attack. And that was okay because God took him home. A few years after my father died, my mother was very ill.

And and they did this triple bypass and and I went to the hospital to see her and and I thought, sure, she was getting better. And this was a Sunday morning out of the 7 kids. I'm the one there again. And my mother said to me, Carmelita, I'm tired. And they put her back in her bed.

And by the time I got to a meeting, they called to say, Your mother has passed. There was no need for tears, folks. After each parent died, a grandson was born. I understand God takes, but he also gives. And he gave me another chance not to be a mother, but to be the best grandmother any of you will ever meet.

And I know that. I was there when each child was born. I was the first one to receive them in my hands because my daughters had sincere infections. And every day that they are in my life, they have brought me nothing else but joy. And those kids, when they get up in the morning, if they are with me, the first thing they say is, grandma, I love you.

1 of the younger ones called me, gramps, I love you. And that's almost like gold in the bank. I really, really appreciate that. In this program, it's for us to open up our eyes and see the whole picture. And I know today that my road to being a person and then to be a junkie and then to be a recovering addict was exactly what it was supposed to be.

I am grateful today that I'm an addict. I would not have been able to know what I know today. And in this program, I have been able to educate myself, and I'm gonna teach you how to treat me. I am no longer that doormat. Nobody's gonna walk over me.

Nobody's gonna disrespect me. Nobody's gonna do anything other than to love me because that's what I'm gonna do to you every day of my life. And I have no problem with reaching out and loving other people because that's the real story. That's the unselfish story. In this program, they tell us to continue to take inventory.

And when we wrong, promptly admit it. You have the right to be right. I've known a few people who were dead right. Y'all will get that tomorrow. What I have learned in this program is exactly what I live.

It's no longer a question about what I'm here for or what is it I'm supposed to be doing because I know now. In those hours in my early recovery when I would sit and they say sought through sought through prayer and meditation. What that means is there's no clarity. There is nothing up there that probably makes any sense. I'll say to you, as I said earlier today, they told me in this program, I did not have to think.

And I really, really don't. I ain't up here sorting for nothing. I'm really, really not. Believe me, my head got me into all the trouble, all the pain, all the agony that any one human being could get into. Today, I believe in the God of my understanding.

I believe in people like you who have been placed into my life. And that's how I live. The knowledge of God's will for me is simply this. When he wakes me up in the morning, I get the fuck up. No matter how bad the pain is, no matter what my thoughts might be, I get up and I get busy with that day that he has given me.

Clean, brand new, and unused. And it's up to me what I want to do with it. In our 12th step, they said, Carmelita, you know, you you got to share this message. I do not speak for Narcotics Anonymous. I only share with you my experience in being in Narcotics Anonymous.

I share with you what has been shared with me by others in Narcotics Anonymous. And what they shared with me and what I do know today is that we do recover. And my sponsor said to me, when you know that you know that you know that you know, you about a gnawing ass. And that's exactly where I am today. I no longer consider myself unfit, undeserving, or any of those things.

I know today that there is a place for me and I'm gonna do all that I can in giving back this gift that God gave me in what I do. I do not believe that we sit around here and we talk gratitude. We have to do gratitude. And I want to share this with you in this area. This committee, I don't even know how to describe their hospitality.

I have not had to worry about anything. I was taken to the home of 1 of the members and we had a great dinner. We had a good time talking. I got to meet the other speakers. The girls have all just been right there for me.

They've walked me into to the place where I'm staying. They've come in to get me. They wanna make sure I have everything. And I'm telling you something, that's important in life. That is the way God says to me, Carmelita, you're okay.

And I want them to know that I appreciate everything that they did for me this weekend. When you come from where I come from, this is absolute heaven. And some of us think that heaven is after we go, but I believe you experience everything right here, heaven and hell. You can either make a decision and decide that you wanna live, or you can stay where you are, and I don't mean physically, you can stay where you are mentally and continue that slow death. I am going to live my life.

I'm going to go wherever God will allow me to go. I have been able to deal with some of my fears and doubts. I've been able to deal with with the things in my life that I didn't think I could. The job that I have will never ever pay me what I'm worth. But I'm gonna tell you, I get it back in that kind of goal that no one can take from me.

I have a a couple's group, and they gave me a a surprise Mother's Day party. And and you just would not believe they even had my family there, and I didn't know they even knew my family. And they had all kinds of little gifts, but 2 in particular was like sunshine and a moon, and they were this bright yellow colors. And I said, this is what I will have every day to look at while I'm on this job. Because when that moment comes through that is not quite so so comfortable for me, all I have to do is look.

And they gave me a beautiful plaque that said mother is another word for love. Those are the things that bring bring me gratification. And the things that bring bring me. You know? When I was 50 years old, I'd been hanging out with this this bunch of guys and girls, and and and on my birthday, they they had dinner and and we were in this great apartment and there was white carpet on the floor.

And man, I mean, it was terrific. And around about 10 o'clock, somebody reached over to turn the light down low. And, honey, out walked one of those gorgeous men and said, I'm yours for tonight. Honey, he was so fine. I enjoyed it.

I never left the building now. Don't don't think bad of me. But what I'm talking about is life is just beginning. And and that's what this is all about. We don't come in here to be sad sacks.

You know, we don't come in here to be cutting up everybody and ignoring one another, being disrespectful. You know how some of us are. We we will sass what how do you say that character? How do you say that? Yeah.

We'll do that to one another. And for no reason, because you know what? When you do it to somebody else, it comes back just the way you put it out. So I look for the good in everybody, even people who are in meetings talking and walking and whatever they'd be doing. You know, I still can find something good about them.

I don't wanna be like that. That's the message. This is the program that I was waiting for all my life. And I want you all to know that this has been a great weekend for me. This has really been a great weekend.

That that there has been nothing but good things. You know, some of you may not know it, but I go to a lot of conventions. Years years ago, when I went down in in in Miami, somebody, you know, took care of the expenses and all that for me. And and it was my first world convention. And and I took pictures and and and I realized certain things were happening with me because I put on my bathing suit and and and and I laid out on the beach.

And and one of my dreams was to get close to the ocean. It's just something about the ocean. And I knew God has sent me there. And and what happened was I I was in the hospitality suite and and the phone somebody come out and said, Carmelita, there's a call for you. And I said, oh, my God.

Something has happened to my kids because I didn't know anybody in Florida. And the guy who who talked to me over the phone, he said, Carmelita, will you share at our opening meeting? And I said, what? You know, you don't know what to say. So by the time I got through rolling my hands and figuring it out, he had come all the way up to the hospitality suite and and and said, come on.

We're we're getting ready to get started. And I'm gonna tell you something. At that very moment, I was absolutely I mean, I just stood there and I did not know what to do. So what I did share was what had happened the very day that I came to Florida. I went to the airport in in Washington and and Brother Rick and I, you know, we were there and getting ready to get on the plane and they notified everybody that there was a bomb threat.

And they went somewhere in there and they came out with this bomb, you know, and and said, you know, okay, you know, you can get on the plane now. So we get on the plane and and and, of course, you know, I'm the one that needed the bag and the prayers and everything. And when we were landing in Florida, they had the worst thunderstorm and lightning had hit the tower. So they said we had to circle or whatever and, you know, come in. And I'm saying, God, what are you doing?

And then after we finally land and and they carried me to this place where we were gonna stay, and they had a dog in this place the size of a pony. And I don't like animals at all. I don't have cats and dogs in my house. And I kept saying to myself, what is going on here? And then when they asked me to to to speak at this this opening, I said to folks, you know, I I really don't know what to say.

And I didn't. But I did the one thing that I know how to do. Because of you, there's a song in my heart because of you. My life has had its start. Because of you, the sun will shine.

The moon and stars will say you're mine forever and ever to part. I only live for the strength and hope you give. It's heavenlies to know you so need. Because of you, my life is now worthwhile. And I can smile because of you.

Thank you.