John K. & Michael K. of the Primary Purpose group of Dallas, TX going through the chapter Into action at the Big Book Weekend in Pratt, KS

Why don't we since since it's this first thing in the morning or this first thing for me, let's go ahead and have a moment of silence followed by the serenity prayer. Serenity prayer. God, grant the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Alright. My name is John Kelly.

I'm an alcoholic. Hi, John. And my sobriety date is September 4, 99, and I am very, very grateful for that. I tried to show god my gratitude not by my words, but by my actions. My actions are what show god that I am grateful for this.

And, we got a lot of ground to cover. We're gonna go. We're gonna do it. Alright? But before we do it, because I know at the end, we're gonna run out of time and all that good stuff.

And we'll I don't I wanna say thank you to everybody for your hospitality and your kindness and just everything. It's been it's been great. A little cold around here, but but, but everybody I mean, y'all have been wonderful. And and, you know, hope to see you again. And it looks like we might have the opportunity next year to be back, and it'll be great.

And I just I just wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart. You know, for a bottom of the barrel gutter level drunk like me doing something like this is this is icing on the cake. Right? Goosebumps, the whole works. You know?

It's just awesome. You know? I mean, who would have thought? You know, one of my the first time I went out of town to speak, I called my mother on the phone, and I'm like, can you believe I'm doing this? And she's like, she's like, honey, 5 years ago, we gave you up for dead.

And the fact that I get to do anything, whether it's in my town or the next town, is is just amazing. That's that's the power of god because it ain't me. Because left to my own devices, I never would have met you folks. And, I'm I'm very very grateful. Alright.

Chapter 6 into action. This is the way I do a 5th step. Right? This is the way my sponsor did it to me. This is the way I do it to all my guys, and this is exactly what we do, you know.

I've met this newcomer and I'll just put it into terms like we're doing it. Right? I met this newcomer. We've identified. I've assessed that he's an alcoholic.

He's admitted he's an alcoholic. He says he's willing to do anything to get what these cats got. Right? So I become this guy's sponsor, and we start to go through the steps. He's ready to do his 5th step.

I give my guys 1 week to do a a 4 step. Don't it don't take longer than a week. You know? How desperate are you? You know?

So let's pretend the week is up. We're now meeting. We're sitting down, me and my new my my new protege, and we're gonna do a 5th step. I open my book, and this is what we do. Chapter 6, into action.

Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We've been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator, and discover the obstacles obstacles in our path. My 4 step this information on my 4 step, that's the obstacles in my path. That is the stuff that is blocking me from the power that's going to save my life. Because we've admitted certain defects, if ascertain in a rough way what's going to happen.

Because we've admitted certain defects, we've ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is. We've put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be be cast out. This requires action on our part, which when completed, will mean we've admitted to god, to ourselves, to another human being the exact nature of our defects. Underline that.

That is the purpose of a fist step. The whole purpose of a fist step is to discover the nature of my defects. I can sit in the 5th step for hours on end, cry, boohoo, get it all out, and have a some cathartic experience. But if I leave that fist step and I don't know the exact nature of my defects, I've done nothing. I gotta find the exact nature of my defects.

There's many, many forms of my defects, but I gotta find the exact nature of my defect. This brings us to the 5th step in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter. This is perhaps difficult, especially discussing our defects with another person. We think we've done well enough in admitting these things to ourselves. Me assessing my 4 step ain't going to cut it because I'm looking at it from my perspective and my perspective tells me that you screwed me.

Right? It is your fault. That's my perspective. Right? They're telling me I need I might need to go a little bit further.

Right? It It says there's doubt about that. In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self appraisal insufficient. Many of us thought it necessary to go much further. We'll be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with another person when we see good reasons why we should do so.

The best reason first. If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. So I'm gonna tell it to you in layman terms. If I skip this this step necessary for me to live, I will drink. That's what bio means.

Necessary for life. Vital. Somebody rips out your vital organs, how long are you gonna live? You're not. Right?

This is a vital step. If I skip this step, I won't overcome drinking. Time after time, newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Anybody ever tried that before in a 5th step? Oh, I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna tell them all about this, but my god.

These skeletons over here, ain't nobody seeing them. They're saying we've trying to avoid this humbling experience, they turn to easier methods like not telling. How about not doing a fist step? How about just lying? How about just telling them what or just agreeing with everything your sponsor says.

Yes. I get it. Yes. I understand. Right?

When I don't really understand, when I'm still harboring the feeling against you. Right? What's the result? Almost invariably, they got drunk. Haven't having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell.

It's been my experience. You can't do a 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9. It doesn't work that way. This isn't Luby's cafeteria. It's not taking take what you want.

The steps are in order. Right? And I can't I can't skimp on one thing and try to make it up somewhere else. We think the reason is that they never completed their house cleaning. They took inventory alright.

4 step. But they hung on to some of the worst items in stock. Right? It's like I take an inventory and I see my part. I see my exact nature of my defect, but I see, I was real good about giving god my alcoholism.

But by God, I'm going to keep this relationship stuff going. I'm going to keep the lying and the cheating and the conning, but I got to you can have my alcoholism. It doesn't work that way for me. Says they only thought that they had lost their egoism and fear. I don't know.

When I got sober, it maybe they didn't say it as much as I I think they said it, but I sure heard it a lot. And I remember my sponsor. I mean, it seemed like every day that I talked to him, his thing was your egoism and your arrogance will kill you. And it and, you know, now you hear they're talking about they only thought that they had lost their egoism and fear. I mean, this is a humbling experience, bear in awe, to to my sponsor.

Right? And they they only thought that they had humbled themselves, but they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness, and honesty in the sense we find it necessary until they told someone else all their life story. Now just in case you're sitting on the fence or or see if this see if you relate to these next two paragraphs. Okay? And I'm gonna use my name in this story, in these two paragraphs.

Alright? Because I think it makes more sense or it adds to it. Alright? More than most people, John leads a double life. John John is very much an actor.

To the outer world, John presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. John wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows he doesn't deserve it. People ask me, how are you doing, John? I'm doing great.

About 30 days. Feel great, feel better, work better, sleep better. This is awesome. You know, my family that tell oh, man. I love this stuff.

I love being sober. I right? I wanna enjoy that reputation, but I'm hiding. Right? The inconsistency is made worse by the things John does on his spree.

Coming to a sense as John has revolted at certain episodes, he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. John trembles to think someone might have observed him. As fast as he can, John pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day.

John is under constant fear and tension. That makes for more drinking. You know, me trying to, you know, me trying to do a, a half ass job on my fist step and hang on to some of those worst things, but me telling you I'm doing great, but I'm still hanging on to those worst things, I'm under that constant fear and tension, I'm gonna drink. I can't live that way. You know?

I have a guy that I sponsor. He's been in rock and roll bands. He's got long hair. He's just he's just a cool guy. I would say he's a groovy guy, you know.

He's just awesome, you know. And when he first got sober, he's reading this and I he went home and he was reading this page again and he calls me up and he didn't anything about an AA prior to getting here. Right? So he's not sober very long, and he's still learning the history as we go along and all this stuff. And he calls me up and he's like, hey, John.

He goes, I'm reading here on page 73. And you know this guy that wrote the book, this this Bill Wilson guy? And I said, yeah. He says, man, I read those 2 paragraphs. He's like, man, he is exceedingly accurate.

And I was like, it's yeah. I'm already in. He knows what he's talking about. You know? He's exceedingly accurate.

Alright. Now we're gonna paraphrase a little bit. The rest of this page and on to the next page, they're gonna give us some guidelines on who it is to hear our fist step. You gotta remember, 1939 when this book came out, there wasn't good sponsors everywhere. Right?

More than likely, you sent off for the book and you're in, you know, PODUC, South Dakota and you don't have a group to go to, but you got a book. And they're gonna give you guidelines, precise instructions on who to pick, who to choose to hear your fist step. Right? Fast forward to 2,006, we've got big book dumpers. We've got sponsors.

Who better to hear my hear my fist step than my sponsor? Why? Because he's been where I'm at. He knows the way out and he knows what we're looking for. Right?

A couple key things on here. The 5th step, it's an intimate and confidential step. Right? What is said in the 5th step is between me, my protege, and god. It does not leave that setting ever.

The worst thing that I could do as a sponsor is to take someone's confidence and hear their fist step and then I go run off to Michael here. You know, dude, you're not gonna believe what Jimmy Jack did. No. No. I would have broken this man's confidence.

The chances of him staying sober are slim to none. The chances of me staying sober are slim to none. This is a life and death there. I take this very serious. You know?

We've all I'm sure I don't know of it personally, but I've heard through the grapevine and I've heard I mean, there's one website you can go to and you can read all about it. You know, I know this has happened in AA where people have done a fist step and it it's got out. I don't play that, And my guys don't play that. And the people in my group don't play that. What is said in a fist step is between me, my protege, and God.

And it only there. Right? It's a life and death errand we're on. Going to the top of page 75, the first paragraph, it tells you exactly when you do your fist step. It says, when we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time.

My sponsor gave me a week to complete my 4 step. I called him and told him I was done. He said, great. Be here tomorrow at 1 o'clock. Click.

You know? That's it. We wasted no time. That was as early as we could do it. Right?

We have a written inventory, and we're prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what we're about to do and why we have to do it. We should realize that we're engaged upon a life and death errand. Most people approaching this way will be glad to help. They'll be honored by our confident by our confidence.

Next paragraph. First line. It tells you how you do your 5th step. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Right?

And this is where I've moved my book to the side. My guy is shaking like a leaf. And I say, you ready to do your fist step, big boy? And he's like, yes. I said, great.

We put our arms around each other, and I say a little prayer and make sure God's with us. And then, you know, I have my 4 step in front of me and and we say the little prayer and I'm all nervous and everything. And Cliff says, alright. And I he goes, we're gonna start with resentments. And I've got my little resentment sheets in front of me, and then he tricked me.

I don't know if I really had them in order, but he said he said, I want you to give me let's start with the biggest, baddest resentment you got. And he kinda sat back in his chair, and I had to flip through my pages to get to the one because I know the one. And it was my dad. My dad left with me and my mom when I was, like, 3 years old. My dad used to call me up and say he was coming by to pick me up and never show up.

My dad would ask me what I wanted for birthday or Christmas, and it would never arrive. My dad would tell me he's gonna send me money for college. It would never show up. And as the years went by and I got older, I despised even talking to him. I didn't wanna have anything to do with him.

I told him I loved him, and I didn't really mean it, but I didn't give a rat's ass. And that because of those feelings towards him, I didn't go around any of his family, and they love me dearly. My grandma Kelly treated me like a prince from the moment I was born. And because of that, I've built up those walls and I and my and I'm saying this stuff and and in that day, I mean, as I'm saying it, you could tell. I mean, I'm I'm I'm hot, you know, and the little veins are poking out, and my sponsor just keeps giving me the rope.

He's giving me questions, asking me questions. Now this ain't like court, my fist step. What I what I say can and will be used against me at a later time. This ain't court. And my sponsor keeps asking questions and questions and questions and I get it all out.

And I'm hot. And my sponsor looked at me. He said, so he goes, I didn't realize that when you were born that you were crowned god's gift to little boys. It's like, well, screw you. You know?

He's like, what? And he just went on and on and on. Come you know, my dad's an alcoholic. Right? My dad drinks a lot.

And he says he says, well, John, he goes, correct me if I'm wrong. You're an alcoholic. Well, yeah. Well, John, have you made any bad decisions based on your alcoholism? Well, yeah.

Well, Well, have you made commitments that you didn't fall through with? Well, yeah. And it goes on and on like that. You know what I mean? It was bloody.

It's bloody. You know what I mean? I I'm hanging on to everything and it is just like every question he asked me. Yes, I did. Yes.

He goes, so you're holding your dad up to a higher standards than you hold yourself up to. What gives you, he's one of god's and I mean, it was bad. And you know what I realized? By the end of that, I don't know how long we did it. It seemed like forever.

It probably wasn't too long. But what I realized that, you know what? My dad's one of god's kids too. And what right do I have to judge that old man? Did he make some mistakes?

Sure. He's an alcoholic. We all make bad decisions. He's a human being. We all make bad decisions.

Given the tools that he's got to work with and and how he was brought up, he did the best that he could do. And what right do I have to judge him? Humbly. I lied to him. I cheated.

I conned him. I withheld affection. I refused to talk to his family. I treated him poorly. And I use those I harbored those feelings.

Stuff that happened years years ago. I use those things as a justification for me to act like a jackass. It ain't his fault. It's all on me. And I was like about about this stage, it was like, okay.

I need to go home. And, you know, it was like you know? And we got it all out and got it all done, and I realized, man, I am not the person I think I was. I who think so highly of myself. I'm a schmuck.

And then going through the rest of that stuff, I mean, they just all went down like bowling pins. It was like, good grief. You know? All that stuff that I was convinced was on you, mm-mm. It was on me.

Even if you harm me more than I harmed you, you know what? I put myself in that position. It was a humbling experience. What I realized is that my emotions are way out of check. And when my emotions get threatened, I react, and I use usually do bad things.

I'm extremely selfish, dishonest, self seeking, frightened, and I'll do absolutely anything to get my way. And if it hurts you, so be it. And that is the wreckage of my past, and I got a lot of wreckage to clean up. We did the same thing with my fears. List your fears.

I ran them all down. You know? He says, alright. Those are legitimate. He goes, what's the common denominator?

Me thinking about me? There you have it. Why are you in fear? Because I get in a situation that I can't figure my way out of. Self reliance has failed me.

That's why I get into fear. He goes, John, god is everything. Right? Yep. Well, if your job is supposed to rely upon god, what the hell do you have to fear?

Oh, it's kinda simple. He goes like he said too simple for us smart folks. You get into fear, you ask god to remove the fear, direct your attention to what he would have you be. Go help somebody. You'll outgrow fear.

Wow. That was easy. Sex conduct. Not how freaky deaky I am. How did I treat the girls?

You know, they're not asking you. Missionary Wonder Woman costume. They're not asking that, you know. How did I treat the girls in my life? Michael thought Michael thought, god, I thought we made it through a whole weekend without the Wonder Woman costume.

I'll share you with that later. That's just a long time. I was wondering when it was coming. Right. But the what they're asking me in my sex inventory is how did I treat those ladies in my life that I supposedly cared deeply for?

That I had aroused jealousy, bitterness, suspicion. You betcha. Did I tell him I love him when I didn't to get my way? You bet you. How did I treat god's princesses?

Like Kleenex to get my own way. Not a very pretty picture. God doesn't want you ladies treated like that. God doesn't want us men treated like that. And what right do I have to treat one of god's kids like that?

I don't. Lot of wreckage. Lot of wreckage. So my fist step is done. I see the ugly truth.

I'm not jumping for joy at this point. My like, my tail is kinda between my legs, and it's you know? And my sponsor sent me home. Like, if I can remember it, it seemed like it was just kind of a lot. I don't live that far from my sponsor, but it seemed like it was a long way home.

Tells you exactly what you do when you get home. Bottom of 75. Returning home, we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, and that means an hour. Bill would have meant 15 minutes, he would have put 15 minutes. Says carefully review what we have done.

So I'm gonna review my work so far. Here's the first prayer. We thank god from the bottom of our heart that we know him better. Tell god thanks. We're getting closer to god.

Take this book down from the shelf. We turn to the page which contains the 12 steps. Right? Here's the next prayer or the next instruction. Carefully read the first five proposals.

So I turn to the page with the steps. Page 59. Look at the first five. Here's the next prayer. We ask if we've admitted anything for we're building an arch to which we shall walk a free man at last.

I didn't bring my other book, but this is where it got me on my 5th step. So I'm sitting quietly at home. I'm saying the prayers. I'm looking at this stuff, and I look at that next prayer. First of all, it says we ask if we've omitted anything.

An old timey dictionary is good to have. Omit. Omit is different than forget. Hell, I was blacked out most of the nineties. I forgot a whole lot of stuff.

Omitting is me remembering something and not sharing it with you. Right? Lying by omission. Omitting is me forget is me not mentioning it. Right?

Me leaving it out on purpose. And then the next part of that sentence, an ark through which we shall walk a free man at last. There's a couple of things that I didn't tell my sponsor, and I'm looking at that sentence. I got 2 I got 2 brains. I got a John Kelly knucklehead brain, and I got, like, this new brain that's being developed.

Right? And the new brain that's being developed is saying, call your sponsor. The John Kelly brain says, nah. Right? And I'm and I keep looking.

If you see my other book, I circle that word free. It's marked in my book today and it was marked on that day when I did my fist step. Because I kept thinking to myself, free. And it looks like my life is passing before my eyes and all those desire chips and all those failures that stand sober before and all those attempts at sobriety. The one thing I never ever was was free.

Even when I wasn't drinking back in the day, booze owned me. It was still my master. And I keep singing free, and I'm thinking, god dang it. And finally, the new little brain overpowered the next one. It says, call your sponsor.

Picked up the phone and called I said, Cliff, I I left I left something out. And then I learned he said he said, I've been awaiting your I've been waiting for your call. And I thought, god. He's a genius. I learned that he says that to everybody.

Don't tell the guys that I sponsor because I do it to them. Makes me sound really smart, you know. He says, what do you got, big boy? And I said, well, you know when I was living out my momma's house in the country, you know, and he's like, yep. And I said, well, I kinda overshot the mark on booze one weekend.

She's out of town. I didn't have transportation to get into the liquor store, which is, like, 30 miles away. And he says, what'd you do? I said, I said, I drink rubbing alcohol. He started laughing.

He's like, well, g d, that'll kill you. He's like, well, g d, that'll kill you. I said, yeah. I did it more than once. He's like, good.

I'm glad you're not dead. I said, well, is that it? He goes, well, are you gonna do that again? I said, no. He said, okay.

It wasn't some deep dark secret that but it was something that I was omitting on purpose. Something that I was keeping in the closet that I wasn't gonna share with a single living soul and I was ashamed of it. And I was left to my own devices. I was gonna keep it to myself. I followed directions.

I called my sponsor. We had a nice little chuckle about it. Don't do that. Start your hour over. Click.

That's my 5th step. It didn't take all day. Right? So here, I'm finishing up the hour and it says is our asking me some questions about my work. Is our work solid so far?

The stones properly in place? Have we skimped in skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? In case you don't know anything about building or anything like that construction, he's asking, have you done a thorough job or a half assed one? Alright.

That's what they're asking. Flip the page. I'm by myself still. I flipped the page. If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at step 6.

Right? So we go back and look at step 6. It says we've emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can he take them all?

Everyone. Right? Tough questions. Right? My 4 step that information on my 4 step, that is me.

And if I've identified and I can see the truth about me and all these things, all these resentments and fears and the and the all these injuries, if if this is the stuff blocking me from the power that's gonna save my life, am I willing to let go of it? You're reading the 12 and 12. What do they say about this step? Separates the men from the boys. Read some stuff from Clarence Snyder.

What does he say? It separates the men from the boys. It's covered in one little paragraph in the book, but it has way much more meaning. If this is the stuff blocking me from god, am I willing to let go? I can't just give god my alcoholism and continue to harbor all this other stuff.

Doesn't work that way. I can't have have god have my alcoholism, but I'm gonna be a lying, cheating womanizer. Can't do that. Am I willing to let go? Separates the men from the boys.

It's huge. I'm basically I'm make I'm reupping my commitment in step 3 that I'm gonna be a student and practitioner of this big book and go on with the rest of the work and do my darndest day in, day out to follow these principles. That's what this step is all about. Huge. Says if we still cling to something we will not let go, good luck.

No. It doesn't it don't say that. Sorry. I don't wanna rewrite the big book. If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask god to help us be willing.

There may be a relationship involved. There's some kids involved. I don't know. Work thing that you're there may be something on there that you're just not quite there. Ask god.

Ask god to help you be willing. When it kicks your butt long enough, you'll let go. Right? Hopefully. Right?

So you move to the next paragraph. It says, when ready, we say something like this. My creator, I'm willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. And that's a novel approach. Don't you think?

Well, how did you used to pray? God? Yeah. Yeah. It's look.

God is everything. Right? And what do we give god? The garbage. Right?

We give them the laundry list. God, I need a job. I need a car. I need a woman. You know, god, I need this.

I need this. I need this. I need this. I need this. God doesn't want all.

God wants everything. He wants my good stuff. He wants my bad stuff. He wants me all in. All in.

God, I'm my All in. God, I'm my creator. I'm willing that you should have all of me. Good and bad. I pray that you now remove for me every single defective character which stands in the way of my usefulness to to you and my fellows.

Right? I can't ask what god's gonna remove. Right? God will remove what he's gonna remove when he wants to remove it. He may wanna use some of my character defects to help you.

You know, I don't know. Alright. I'm just working on my character defects. No, God's supposed to remove my character defects. I'm supposed to follow these principles.

If I follow these principles, those defects will you know, you follow my drift. Grammy strength as I go from here to do your bidding. Amen. That's pretty cool. There's a little amen at that prayer.

Notice on the third step, there was no amen. You know why? Because we had a lot of work to do. Now we've got to this point. We say this prayer, making another confirmation that we're gonna follow these steps and practice this big book and help others and do all that stuff.

We got an amen there. It says we have then completed step 7. So on one Saturday or Sunday afternoon, in a couple hours time, I went through 5, 6, and 7 on my own. 6 and 7 on my own. Pretty simple.

Now I'm feeling good. You know what I'm saying? Flip back to page, though, and look what it says in the middle of page 75. It's pretty cool stuff here. 2nd line in that middle paragraph.

Once we have taken this step withholding nothing, we are delighted. There's a lot there's a big weight off me. You know? We can look the world in the eye. I'm not ducking you no more.

Hell, I spent a lot of years looking at the tops of my shoes, trying to get into a relationship and not being able to be honest and be truthful and look people in the eye, trying to get a job and not being able to look the employer in the eye, standing in the line at the grocery store hoping against hope that they don't smell the booze poured out of my poles out of my pores. Do they know I'm drinking, hiding shifty and shady and sketchy? Now I can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. I can never be alone at perfect.

Now I can just chill. I've taken that to a whole another level. You know what I mean? But it back in the day, I had to always be moving. Why?

Because I was so full of that energy? No. Because I couldn't stand being in my own skin. I didn't like who I was. So if I could just keep moving and moving and moving, maybe I could get out of me.

You know what I'm saying? Now I can just be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearest of our creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.

The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we're on the broad highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe. The reason the steps, I think, are laid out the way they are and they give us next, you do a 4 step. You waste no time doing a fist step. The reason is is I get a little bit of hope in the beginning.

Right? And I cop to being an alcoholic. I get a little hope in step 2. I'd make a commitment in step 3 to work these steps. And these things just kinda fall into place.

Right? I can't do a 3rd step and sit on it and think this is all god's gonna do for me. Don't sell god short like that. You may feel on top of the world except 3, but don't sell god short because it gets better. I gotta keep moving.

And the more actions that I take, the more faith that I get. The more actions that I take, the freer I get. The more actions I take, I get closer to this power. It gets better and better and better. Right?

And I'll go on when we finish up at the end of the day. God wants my head in these clouds. God wants me to be in the clouds. My feet on the ground, and we'll all get to that later on. But the more actions this is what they're talking about.

I am feeling the power right here. I'm feeling it. I'm getting closer to this power. It's great stuff. Let me just keep going for a bit.

Yeah. Alright. I'll just go ahead and pass it off to you. Alright. That's cool.

Cool. Wow. That's you know, let me pick up right where he left off because if those promises don't start becoming true quickly right after that work that he just laid out, there's something wrong. Those things are supposed to be happening rapidly in your life coming out of that 5th step doing a sincere 6 and 7. And if they're not I'll take you right back to a line you may wanna underline because go back to page 73 once.

Look at the very bottom of the page. And if these things aren't happening, you're gonna have to ask yourself this question. Is this true or not in your life? Since we must be entirely honest with somebody entirely. What does that word mean?

Like John said, I have to be all in with 1 person. You notice it doesn't say everybody. The line says I have to be entirely honest with somebody if I expect to live long and happily in this world. And if I didn't get entirely honest with somebody who is that somebody my sponsor, why do I have to do it with to my sponsor in front of God? I am getting entirely honest with somebody and I found out the truth about what is really going on.

Because I left you off last night because remember about the truth. There's a trick to the truth. It's going to set you free But until it then, it's gonna beat you up. Until you understand the truth about it, you go back to John's situation until he understood the truth about his father and how he perceived his father and what he was holding against him and all those years. If he didn't understand the truth, the truth was gonna it was the it was gonna continue to beat him up.

But once he understood the truth, it no longer had him. It no meant no longer owned him, you know, and that's the thing. I've got to get honest with my sponsor. It doesn't say I've got to get honest with everybody, but I I have to at least get gut level honest with one more person in this world if I expect to live long and happily in this world. And there it is.

And once I do that those promises will come true rapidly in that 5th step. So now that we've done that 6 and we've owned up and said, alright. Here's the deal. I can't fix anything. I can't change my selfishness.

I can't change my fear. I can't change my dishonesty. Me working on my character defects, y'all better put helmets on because people get hurt. End of story. I get hurt and I hurt people.

Have you ever tried to be less selfish? Have you ever caught yourself where you were so brutally selfish that it made your own stomach turn? And you're that's it. I'm gonna be a better person. And you try your darndest.

How did it work out for y'all? It was like running to a fire and throwing a liquid on it. What I thought was water and it ended up being gasoline. The flame just kept getting bigger. So I obviously had to have God's help.

So while God is doing his part, removing my character defects, I'm gonna own up and get busy. And the first thing it's gonna ask me to do after I come out of that 7th step is we're gonna get busy on the fun ones. The stuff I'll never forget, I walked into a the first time when I read through that that window shade that they had pulled down with all the all the steps on it. And I went, yeah, I can do one. Yeah.

That's how I can deal with that. 2. That that is a yeah. 3, no problem. 4, I don't know about that.

I got 5, oh, that looks kinda tough. 6 and 7, boy, that's simple. That'd be a piece of cake. 8, you want me to write down a list of it? Not you want me to go to these p and I was like, you gotta be kidding.

That there's the suggested part. Right? You're just I I should do that. Right? Well, let's find out.

It says, now we need more action without which we find that faith without works is dead. Let's look at steps 89. We have a list of persons we have harmed, and to whom we are willing to make amends. Where'd that list come from? Have you ever heard these people?

Yeah. They have a ritual after they do a fist step, they burn their 4 step. Have you ever heard that? Look what the next line says. We have a list and we made it when we took inventory.

You better put the fire out is what I'm telling you. You're gonna need this information. Now is that gonna be all of my list? It's a trick, that 8 step list. Have you ever honestly started writing on an 8 step list especially after you come out of a 5th step?

Because not only did I hurt my girlfriend and I and I dropped her. I mean, just destroyed her life. Well, left her for dead and walked away and moved on to the next one. Who is there to pick up all the pieces? Her family.

Her friends. So not only did I hurt her, but my conduct affected all the people around her. There's another hand grenade I dropped. Anybody ever call in sick for work a lot? Like Mondays?

Like like like Jim did? I worked at a job. No one did. Michael number 2 didn't show up and take my position while I was there. All my coworkers had to work and pick up the slack while I was home trying to sleep one off.

Did I affect their life? My list just got bigger again, didn't it? There goes another hand grenade. It's a widening circle, isn't it? Before I knew it, I'm like, oh my god.

Can we get to the people I haven't hurt? That's a shorter That's a much shorter list. And my sponsor looked at me and he goes, you know what, big boy? Just about anybody you came in contact with while you were drinking, you probably own Amends. Think about that for a second.

Your life if you met me back when I was drinking, I did not enrich your life. You were not left for better. You were left for worse. Get honest. What is the truth about it?

I who thought so highly of myself found out that I wasn't really a good guy to be around. So we made this list. We subject ourselves to address itself for appraisal and guess what we get to do now? Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage in our past. What does step 9 say?

You go back to 59, let's read it because it's interesting, the wording of it. See, 8 says we made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Remember they planted seeds all through that 4 step. Up. Here's some more people that we're gonna be willing to go.

I'll clean up this. Three times they mentioned it. We pointed it out last night in reading through as your 4 step inventory instructions were there 3 different times they planted the seed. By the way, these are the people we've harmed became willing to make amends to them. You can go back and look.

It's on 67, I think 69 and 70. There's there's different little seeds planted. So if we do this work, they've already prepared us. We get the willingness. But you look at step 9, it says made direct amends of such people wherever possible.