The Serenity Weekend Womens Conference in Cocoa Beach, FL

Hi, everybody. My name is Angie, and I'm an alcoholic. My group is the Unity Group in Cincinnati, Ohio on Monday evenings at 7 PM. If you're ever in the town, give me a call, and I'll take you there. My sobriety date is June 20, 1991, and for that, I'll be forever grateful.

I am thank you, Lee, first of all, for having me here and Anne, who's just a really, really warm individual. And then the ladies that picked me up from the airport. We we had good conversation, and we went to eat, and we both we all got ridiculously full. And, it was just, I mean, just sickening as for how full we were. We're just on the verge of just, you know, going to the bathroom.

You know what I mean? And so so that was fun. And and, you know, I'm really, really grateful to be in Florida. Actually, it it's it's an honor for me to be anywhere, and you'll hear by the end of my story how, why I'm so thankful. But, I'm originally from Greenville, South Carolina.

And back home well okay. Cool. And, back home, we lived in a little white house on a red clay road, and, we got our water out of wells. We had a outhouse, and, we picked black raspberries for fun. And I'm from a family of Baptist ministers.

And, yeah, listen to everybody. Oh, you bet she's got a story. And, and, and and I had flaming red hair and freckles, growing up, and nobody else in my family did. And, my brother informed me that the reason why I looked the way I did was because the mailman was my daddy. So whenever I saw him bring him it's so funny.

Alonines always go, God, Robert. So whenever I would see the mailman coming down the road, I'd go, daddy. And he would put his arms around me and tell me how cute I was and pat me on the head. And and thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous, because what I learned is that turned out to be a little pattern for me, actually, where where where if you just, put your arms around me and tell me how cute I was that we were, well, basically married at that point. But, so we stayed down south for a little while.

And, you know, my parents had great big dreams for me. I was, I've been singing since I was 3, and they wanted me to be a famous gospel singer, and I was to take care of my family, for the rest of my life, basically. And when you tell a 9 year old that, that's stress. And, and and so I remember, you know, just when my and my my family actually sat me down and told me that. You know, we know you have talent.

You're good. You know, you're from a good family, and and we want you to just you know, we wanna work on you. We want you to go to voice lessons. We want you to do all this stuff and, so that we don't have to work any anymore, basically. And, you know, so, you know, I got on my little tricycle.

Guess I'll get a paper out. You know what I mean? It's cut now. And so and so we stayed down there for a little while, and, we, my dad got transferred up to Cincinnati. And in the process of him traveling back and forth from Cincinnati to South Carolina, he found him a girlfriend.

And so when we, it was time for us to move, he did move us to Cincinnati, but he left and he went and he married, his girlfriend up the hill. And that left my mother and to raise my sister, my brother, and myself. And, and I need to tell you that when I got sober, my mother was my biggest problem. I really truly believed in my innermost self, that if she woulda just treated me the way she treated my brother and sister, that I would not be this loser sitting at a AA meeting saying I'm an alcoholic. See, it was all her fault.

And I need to tell you that my mother struggles with mental illness, and she does not believe in taking medication. And what she does is she sometimes just leaves and she disappears for sometimes days, sometimes weeks. And, you know, it's because of Alcoholics Anonymous that I've been able to love my mother through her episodes. Because, see, you taught me that my mother yes. She's my mother, but she has her own set of deal, her own set of problems that she came in and she deals with on a regular basis, and that it's not always about me.

And what you've done, Alcoholics Anonymous, because you've taught me how to see my mother as a woman and not as my mother. And I've been able to use that service work that I was taught early on. I think it's real easy sometimes for us to go to meetings and empty ashtrays and and and, you know, be good and kind to other alcoholics. But sometimes it's real difficult to practice that at home. And you taught me how to practice it at home, and and I'll be forever forever grateful.

My mother is home as we speak. I just talked to her, and she doesn't, you know, think that I'm that big of a deal. And, you know, so every time I go out somewhere, she goes, why they fly you all over the place? What what what could you possibly have to say? You know what I mean?

That's that's so great that you get to travel all over the country and tell people. You know? It's like, well, I'm usually talking about you, mother. And it's a story that they like to hear. But in the end, she always wishes me luck, and she always tells me to call her when I'm done.

And, you know, I I my mother was not somebody who put her arms around me and told me that she loved me all the time. But my sponsor has taught me that love is a action word. And if I look at my mother's actions, my mother loved me in a huge way. And, we got up to Cincinnati, and my mother decided that because she was from the South and she had clean bathrooms for a living, that she wanted us to have a better life and she wanted us to have a great education, and so she decided to send us to Catholic schools. So now I have a really huge red afro, a white blouse, a plaid skirt, Bobby socks, and black and white spauldings.

And it just it just didn't look normal. I mean, you know what I mean? It didn't. And, you know, it it really truly did not. And and I got beat up from I got chased from school on a regular basis, and that's why I like that movie Forrest Gump when it came out.

You know? And and I understood the run for us. Run. And, and so this one one day, this girl named Squeaky Squeaky Squeaky was, like, 6:10 in the 5th grade, and, her and her little posse used to chase me home all the time. And one day, they stoned me.

They were stoning me, you know, like how they do in Africa where they just throw rocks at everything like it's gonna hurt them. But they stole me. And, I ran in the house, and my mother was home. And I said, whew. I'm glad I made it home.

They're about to kill me. And my mother goes, you know, Angela, at some point, you're gonna have to learn how to take care of yourself. And and what I'm a need you to do is you go out there and you stand up to Squeaky. I said, you want me to do what? And and she said, well, you can stay in here and and take the butt whooping that that I'm a give you, which I knew what hers felt like, and I only knew what squeaky's appeared to be.

So, I went outside and and I and, you know, I looked up at her and I said, my mother said I'm supposed to fight you. And she said, well, come on then. So I balled my fist up and I closed my eyes real tight, and I reached up because I knew she was tall. And I said, and I got her right here. Oh, man.

You guys are a plodding virus. Anyway, what's wrong with you guys in Florida? There's there's another part to that story before you clap. And so I reach up and I hit her right here, and oh my god. It was the happiest day of my life.

You see, I had swung at the giant. Everybody was scared of her, but I hit her and nobody else had. And, and now she didn't budge when I hit her. And she, you know, almost beat me to death. But I have this thing called alcoholism that helps me remember what I should forget and forget what I should remember.

And what I forgot was that she, you know, damn near beat me to death. And what I remember was that I hit her. And from that point on, I fought everybody coming down the road. It would didn't matter. I was a boxer.

And I I'll tell you what, all the way up into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. So I I used to tell my sponsor, hey. She say, you know, I need you to empty the address. I say, hey, sister. I've hurt people before.

And my sponsor's from England and she would go, lovely. Could you still empty the ashtray? Yeah. Yeah. I'm a go ahead and empty it this time.

And so and so that was that was my deal. I, my I and and my mother, god love her, she came one day, my 12th birthday, and picked me up from school and, took us to our house. We lived in the projects when we got to Cincinnati, and she she took us to our our new house, and and it was beautiful. It's it's the same house that my mother lives in today, and it was a beautiful red brick flat house, which I love. One story, and it sits on a few acres and, you know, the whole tire on the, you know, string hanging from the tree kinda thing.

And one day, my friend Rebecca came over, and and, she had oh, I let me tell you this first. I I it was a all white neighborhood that we moved into. So from the age of, like, 13 to 20, maybe 19, I wasn't even black anymore. I, I listened to, Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band, and and my favorite girl group was Heart. I know.

Ain't it crazy? And the first concert I went to was Led Zeppelin 1979. I have to tell you this. I was at I was at the I was at the, Ted Nugent Forner concert. And, and I was at I was there and and and, you know, Forner was doing their thing.

You know what I mean? I have traveled a lot. Spend my time so foolishly. And I remember just standing and looking around. Now I see 1 black person.

I was like, I said, daddy got to know her to come down here, run down here. And and that and that night, at that concert, I became a, legend in my own mind. Everywhere I went and everything I did, the everything was a song. That's all. It just played in my mind.

And I lived my life through music, music, music. I mean, everything I did. I would walk into a bar, and and, you know, the song that profound words to the song from the Eagles, somebody's gonna hurt someone. Before the night is through, somebody's gonna come undone. There's nothing we can do.

Everybody wants to touch somebody if it takes all night. There's gonna be a heartache tonight. A heartache tonight, I know. And and that's the way it went. And and, you know, my friend Rebecca came over one night, and she, she had a brown bag, and it had some, some bottles in it, and it was Boone Farm Apple Wine.

You guys are all sober. Right? Nobody's got any boons from the ceiling. They're all like, oh, huge spark. Yay.

I speak at my church every Sunday, and when I tell them about Boone's Farm, they don't react like that. So I started hanging out with these girls, these 5 white girls, man, and they could do whatever they flipping wanted to do. You know? I was over at their house one night, and and and Rebecca's mother said, Rebecca I love that voice. Rebecca?

Your father and I have been conversing, and and we feel that, seeing as you're drinking alcohol now that we would appreciate it if you would drink at home and not out in the street. In that way, we would know you were safe. And I remember looking at her going, what did she just say? And she goes, they want us to drink at home. I was like, oh my god.

I thought that was the most closest, lovingest family I've ever met in my life. I remember going home to my mother going, you mind if I have a beer? And she goes, not in this lifetime. You know? So it wasn't happening there.

And so I hung out with these girls, and I don't mean any disrespect. I know that that I'm an alcoholic. There's a few drugs in my lead. I apologize. Just, you know, tell Anne.

Where's where's she at? She got a yeah. You got a problem? We'll tell Anne or Lee? Yeah.

Yeah. Don't tell me because I hurt your feelings. And and and and so I hung out with these girls and we drank. Oh my god. We just had the time of our lives.

And, you know, smoked a little weed, couldn't really get with that. It seemed like I smoked it and then ate everything in everybody's freezer. You know what I mean? But it been there for about 5 years. You know what I mean?

And, you know, and then got involved with, you know, low low acid, and it got me a mental health diagnosis. And but I have to tell you this. One night, my friend Rebecca in there. It was 3 of us actually in the car. I was driving, and they gave me these 2 little pills.

And they said, you know, only take 1, but you know I took 2. And it was strawberry mescaline. I know. That's exactly what I thought. And, and so I I take these 2 pills, and we're driving.

And then they decided they wanna go to McDonald's. And about half point there, things got colorful for me. They you know, just everything. Just everything was just flowing, flowing, flowing, flowing. And so we pulled into McDonald's, and then we pulled up to the little yellow box.

And, you know, and so, you know, I rolled the window down. There's some, you know, some little guy in there going, you know, what do you want? What do you you know? You know, what do you want? You know?

They're asking me, what do you want? So I'm arguing with this, you know, little guy in the yellow box. And, you know, I I really truly believe, without a shadow of a doubt, you know, by the size of that box. I, you know, basically got beat up on a regular basis. But I could take him because he probably wasn't about this big.

You know what I mean? So I knew that I could take him, so I was not afraid of him. You see? And we argued back and forth, he and I. And and then I got to the next window, and they wanted my money.

So I'm arguing with them. And, you know, then I get to the 3rd window, and he's pushing bags. I'm pushing them back in there. You know what I mean? And so they, you know, they call the police and, you know, just the whole shebang and, you know, she's disturbing the peace.

She's disturbing the peace. And and the police officer comes and, you know, he he just say he looks like Fred Flintstone. You know what I mean? And and, and I'm just looking at him. And he asked me my name, and I told him it was Luke Skywalker.

And and, you know, they don't take too kindly to that false ification thing. And, so I go and I, he looks in the car. Now my car won't move, and and I said, officer, I don't know what's wrong. And and he goes, in America. That's how his voice sound.

In America. And I was like, oh, dude. I know I'm going to jail. And, he goes, when we want our cars to go, we put them in park. My car wasn't even in park.

So he goes, pull over there. And and, he began talking, and his face was just going in different directions. And and, and so I told him, dude, just here. Just put the handcuffs on me because there's not gonna be explanation in about 10 minutes. So, you know, he takes me to jail.

They call my parents and, you know, they call my mother and said, hi. We have your daughter, down here at the police station. And my mother goes, well, make sure she stays warm and hangs up. And I didn't have enabling parents. My my parents truly believed that, you know, if I chose to go that direction in my life, that was fine, but they had other children that they had to raise.

And, and and and and that's kinda how, you know, my stuff was. And, you know, and I'll tell you what, I took my first drink of alcohol, and I hear people I travel speaking all the time, and and I hear people say on a regular basis, well, you know, when I took the first drink, I got sick. I got this. I'll tell you what. When I took the first drink of alcohol, I can tell you without a shadow of about a doubt that I made a conscious decision that day that I would drink every opportunity I got.

Because, see, when I took that alcohol and I put it into my system, it transformed me in a way. There was feelings that moved through my body that started from the bottom of my feet and wrote. I based some of my relationships on the way that that first drink. You know what I mean? You can make me feel that way, we were good to go.

You know what I mean? And forever. You know what I'm saying? And, and and I based a lot of relationships, based on that that first drink. And my dad had got me a my dad got me a job at a recording studio, and, so I was working there on the weekends.

And one day, I was there, and, I was singing in the bathroom. And and, and I don't know. If you're an artist like I am, it's like you you hope and pray, especially when I was a little girl, I did anyway, that somebody would just discover me. That just one day, I'd be somewhere. You know, I'd be humming or something, and somebody would go, oh my god.

You sing really good. My name's Bob from Epic Records and how do I contract? And I didn't mean no work at all that I was gonna do. And, and that happened for me, actually. And I came out of the, bathroom, and there was a tall gentleman standing there that told me he could make me famous and that he had never heard a verse voice as powerful as mine.

And, he said, I can make you famous, but you'll have to come to Las Vegas with me. And, and, I said, really? And he goes, yeah. So I went home. I called a family meeting, and and I went home.

And and I was a, you know, disturbed child. So if I called a family meeting, they knew it was gonna be crazy. And, so I sat them all down, and and I said, I will be back for you. Once I have made it famous and I get a Grammy, I'll be back. And my dad kept things real simple.

He would just look at me and go, something is wrong with you. And, you know, and my mother, usually agreed. And, so I had my mother there saying, Angie, please don't go. And my dad saying, Angie, please don't go. And my little sister saying, Angie, please don't leave.

And my brother also. And I made a decision to go to Las Vegas with this man. And, at the age of, 17, I was a young girl in Las Vegas singing in casinos, drinking, and having the time of my life, and opening up for some of the biggest biggest people and just drinking and having I lived in a hotel, and it was just a party every night. But something strange began to happen. I began to, not remember stuff.

And, and I I didn't know anything about a blackout until I came to AA. I personally believe that if you didn't remember what you did, you had one hell of a time. You know what I mean? And, you know, and then people would tell you what you did, and then you have to go drink again because it's so disgusting. You know what I'm saying?

So yeah. And I'm, you know, waking up with different people. You know? Jeez. You know, toothless guy's name is Zeb, you know.

And he's going, but you told me you love me. It's like, oh, did I zed now? Okay. Great. Beautiful.

Now I'm gonna run. And we're, you know, we're we're we're, you know, laying next to each other. He's got one tooth, and it's gold. You know what I'm saying? And just ins just insanity.

Insanity. And, you know, this guy that that I went to Las Vegas with, ended up having his own issues, and he ended up, having a little heroin problem. And, you you guys are funny. I mean, it's just like everybody, oh, yeah. Heroin.

Yeah. And so I, you know, he ends up introducing me to that. And and so, as a young woman, I was drinking alcohol on a regular basis and shooting heroin intravenously and began to get blacklisted in the casinos, couldn't get a job anywhere. And, you know, people would say things to me. It wasn't until I got to Alcoholics Anonymous that I heard that the first drink was the problem, because, see, that wasn't what I was being told.

You know, they said, drink 2 drinks. Stop at 2, Angie. You know what I mean? If you're gonna you know, smoke weed before you drink. You know what I mean?

Do whatever you have to do, but just don't drink over 4. You know? And I and I truly did until I came to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I believed that the 4th drink was the one that truly got me in trouble. And then I heard, drink wine.

Just drink wine. You know? Or drink beer. You know? Or drink light beer and lose weight.

You know what I mean? And it was just like I had all this stuff going on in my head. And, so, I stayed out here with this gentleman knowing absolutely nothing about him, and he became, abusive. And, I wasn't making any money anymore, and, he wasn't making any money anymore. And we had this this drinking and and and drug problem.

And, he became more and more abusive. And, one day, he came and got me and said that he needed, me to drive him to the store, and and I drove him to the store. And when he went in, he went in, and he shot and killed the owner. And when he came back out, he had the blood on him and he told me to drive, and that's what I did. And I need to tell you that for a long time in Alcoholics Anonymous, I couldn't stay sober because I didn't want you to know that.

I didn't want you to know that somebody like me was involved in something like that. And, you know, it's it's it's it's hard to fathom when at the age of 13, when I took that drink of alcohol that nobody could have ever told me that something like that was gonna happen. And so what I do is I go on trial. And I'm in Las Vegas and my face is plastered all over the news and, and I'm listening to this family constantly telling me how bad of a person I am. But see me, the way that I thought about it was I just, like, I just I just couldn't believe.

It was so surreal for me. I just could not believe that something like that happened. It was like everything just seemed like a dream, and he is still in prison as we speak. And I ended up not having any charges, but also being given a floater out of the state of Nevada. And what that means is for no reason can I ever ever return?

And me, personally, I have not found it necessary to return. And, and I'll tell you, it's just an interesting deal because, in, March of this year, I got a phone call from Las Vegas, and it was a guy from the specific group who asked me to come and talk. And, I said, you know, I'm not sure that's a good idea. And, he said, we've already had you checked out, and and you're good to go. And, but, you know, I'm an alcoholic.

I'm like, this is a setup if I ever seen one. You know what I mean? If I ever seen one. So I said, well, mister specific group, you know, I'm gonna have to talk to an attorney. And so I talked to an attorney, and they check it all out.

And it was, it was true. I could go back to Las Vegas. And I, had one of my friends look this woman up because it was one of those amends that I didn't think I'd ever ever have to make. And I got a hold of her, and I asked her if I could meet with her. I told her who I was, and she said that she would meet with me, and, and I met with her.

And, it was, the gentleman's wife. And I told her I said, I know that I can't ever bring him back. But is there anything that I can do to right this situation? And she said, it sounds to me like you should just keep doing what you're doing. And she put her hands on my hands and she said, honey, you're a child of God.

And I told her about my my journey in Alcoholics Anonymous. And, she shared a story with me about Alcoholics Anonymous. And, and I was able to put my arms around her and tell her that I truly, truly am doing everything I can do to not practice that kind of behavior ever again. One day at a time, I strive for that. And, the little girl was about 6 at the time, so she was a grown woman.

And I was able to tell her the exact same thing. See, one of the things that's so interesting about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is that we can never ever really dictate what's gonna happen on the journey. That's why I'm real thankful that you guys told me to strap in on the driver's side on the passenger side and go for the ride because it's gonna be amazing. And when that day came, when I could make amends to that woman, then and only then was I truly a free woman. Where I could walk the streets with my head held high and note that I had nothing following me.

And if you don't know what that feels like, you keep coming back and keep coming back because it's a marvelous, marvelous DO. And so I came back to Cincinnati and I said, you know, I'm not gonna drink anymore. I'm not gonna do do anything. You know, I'm done. And, that lasted all of about 3 weeks.

You see, I got this thing called alcoholism, and I didn't know at that time that I could not not drink. I had no idea. And so every time that I say it, I was not gonna drink, I meant it from the bottom of my heart. That's one of the reasons why when people drink again, I don't give them a hard time. Because every single time that I say it, I wasn't gonna drink again, I meant that from the bottom of my heart.

But I didn't know that I was powerless over alcohol and that it dictated and managed my life. I didn't know that. But to the untrained eye, we appear liars. To my mother, I was a liar. To my father, I was a liar.

But to you guys see, you guys got me. That's why I keep coming back to AA because you guys get me. I can tell you things and you understand. But if I told my church that I was looking out at the congregation and they all look like beer bottles with hairstyles, I don't think they'd understand that nor would they want me up there anymore. But you guys got me.

And, so, we were riding this bus one day on on Sundays in Cincinnati. It's, you could ride the city bus for free. It's called Sunday pass ride. And my brother and sister and I were all on the bus, and, we got down to the inner city. And there was a a a intersection there called Liberty and Vine, and it was this little restaurant there.

And, you know, it was all these, you know, pimps and prostitutes and Cadillacs. And, you know, they were listening to Shaft on their little 8 tracks. And and I remember my brother looked over there, and he said, boy, you couldn't pay me to go over there. And then my little sister looked over there and goes, shoot. Me neither.

And I was sitting there thinking, see it. I'm going over there tomorrow. You know what I mean? So I started riding the bus from where I lived to downtown on a regular basis and, drinking in some of the worst bars, seeing some things that I never ever thought I would see, and, and just drinking and and going down rapidly and don't even don't even know it. And, I started, my friends.

You know, know, I don't know how your friends were, but my friends, they taught me how to write other people's checks. My friends did. And, you know, I began the the journey of committing crimes. And, I went to jail, and took a physical and found out that I was pregnant, and I was headed to the penitentiary with a 7 to 25. And, and I can tell you that the only reason why I didn't lose my mind when I went to the penitentiary was because my baby was growing inside of me.

And every opportunity I got, I would rub my stomach, and I would tell my child, I'm a be a good mother. I'm a do everything I can to be a good mother, and I meant that from the bottom of my heart. And I had my son, and the warden came to me and told me that because of the amount of time that I was doing that I would have to find somebody to take my baby. And by this time, my parents weren't talking to me. I was out on my own deal and on my own journey.

And, I had to call my mother and tell her that I had a baby and that I was in prison. And, and I said I need you to come and get my child. And they came and they got my child, but they did not stop to visit me. They came and they got him. And so I watched my child leave from the penitentiary through a slit this big.

And I said to my baby, I said, when I get out, I'm a do the right thing. And I meant it. I meant it from the bottom of my heart. When I got out of the penitentiary, my son was 4. I'm on the bus headed downtown to Cincinnati, headed down the highway to Cincinnati.

And all the way on the bus, all I could think about all I could think about was seeing my child. That's all all I could think about. I got off the bus and suddenly if you've read it, it's in more about alcoholism. Suddenly, the thought crossed my mind. God had hadn't had a drink in a while.

Surely, one won't hurt me. And I went to that bar and I had that one drink, and the next time I saw my son, he was 10. I'm not really too, confused about the powerfulness of the disease of alcoholism you see. Looking back through the step work that I've done, I realized that, I let my children go like they were a pair of jeans. One of the things that I said when I got sober was that I gave my kids up for adoption because I wanted them to have a better life.

But see, the reality of it is and what I like about AA is that when you work the steps time and time again, there's a level of honesty. I don't have to be honest with you, but I most certainly have to be honest with me. And what I realized was I didn't take care of my children because they stood in the way of my drinking. And I had to admit that to myself, you see, because the coins that I get from my sponsor always say, to thine own self be true. And I had to get honest about that so that I can move on because it talks about it in the book.

It talks about this martyr thing that we do sometimes. And thank God that I was able to get honest about myself because I'd have thought that I did something really really good. Now in retrospect, it was a wonderful, wonderful move. My children have had great lives, and I knew that that would not happen with me. And, one night I was downtown Cincinnati and, at a bar and went to some people's house and started, drinking and shooting dope intravenously, and somebody shot ice water into my veins.

And, by this time, I was living on the river and, in a boarding house for women. And after I got the water shot shot in my veins, it was the closest thing to death that I ever felt. And I remember with every step that I took, I asked God, if you just get me through this, I won't drink anymore. Because the worst thing that I want to happen was for my parents to have to know that that's the way that I died. And I walked those 17 blocks.

And I'm a believer of I'm believing angels to the utmost. Because when I got back to that boarding house, there was a little white blonde woman standing there. And she looked at me and she said, you do not have to keep living like that. And she went up to my room with me and she put a rag on my head and she began to tell me about her drinking. And I for the first time in a long time, I heard somebody who felt not drank the way I did, but felt the way that I did.

She asked me if I would go someplace with her. And at that night, I would've went anywhere with anybody if it would've made me feel better. And so I went to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And when she took me to my first meeting, it was at a clubhouse. So there was about 200 Harleys parked out front and, all these white people with white cups.

And I thought, well, this should be party. And, you know, I was walking up the walkway, and everybody was so friendly. They said, welcome. Introduce themselves. I said, well, that's nice.

And then I got to the steps getting ready to go up, and this big biker guy grabbed me, picked me up, then he goes, welcome to AA. My name is Squirrel. And, and I said to Squirrel, I said, Squirrel, man, you gonna need to put me down, man. Really. And and so, I she said, let's go into this the building.

And we went into this huge room, and she said somebody's gonna tell their story. And, and I sat real close to the wall because, you know, in case it was contagious or anything, and, and this guy began to tell his story. And he talked about sleeping under a bridge, and it seemed to me newcomer mentality seemed to me that the whole room bust out laughing. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And I remember thinking, woah. And he said, and I used to beat my wife, and it seemed like the whole room busted out laughing. I said, man, these white people crazy. And then after he said all he said, then everybody got up and held hands and prayed. I said, Lord, and they hypocrites too.

She said that, she said, we, you know, we we always thank the speaker. I said, well, good. Because I got a couple of questions I wanna ask. So he pointed here and said, welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous, little lady. I said, oh, look here, brother.

You know, your buddy's laughing at you, dude. And he goes, excuse me? I said, all your friends here in your little club. I said, they laughing at you. And he said, oh, sugar baby.

You just keep coming back. I said, oh, no. You keep coming back. I just heard your story. And I stayed around AA for a little while and, you know, But, like, I had a huge social schedule or anything, so I stayed around AA.

You know, it's just me and what felt like me and all these white people. You know what I mean? And and so I thought that alcoholism was a white people thing. But I stayed around AA for a while and, militant, mad. Everything was because I was black.

If it was a girl was given a lead one night and she goes, you know, before before I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't really like black people. But thanks to God and my sponsor in AA, I do. And I was the one out there who still am going, well, we ain't going nowhere. Climb to the people. We here for a long hour.

And my sponsor would go, would you sit down? I said, yeah. I'm a go ahead and sit down, but I'm a need to talk to you too about this sponsorship thing. I mean, you white and I'm black. You know, I'm a little, sensitive with civil rights and all.

And I said, my grandparents, my great grandparents, my ancestors picked cotton. And she goes, what? You don't even wear cotton underwear. And I said, see, I don't know if this little sponsorship thing gonna work between me and you, but, so like I said, I stayed around AA. And about this time, people start coming into AA with this little crack problem.

I know they don't have crack in Florida. But in Cincinnati, we got issues with it. And they were coming into AA, and, you know, everybody waved the same thing, you know. And and, you know, their eyes were big and, you know. And I said, well, well, I guess y'all can stay here.

Don't talk. Maybe I'll come up with a crackerholics anonymous. But right now, you're in AA, and I'll be your sponsor. So anybody that came in smoking crack in the AA, I automatically was their sponsor, and I took them hostage and kept them back at the round table at the back of the room. And I'd read the big book to him at the top of my lungs and, you know, and and if they want to go to bathroom, you know, I go with them.

You know what I mean? Because, you know, their their sobriety was very important to me, you know. And I knew if they stayed away from me too long, the possibilities of them smoking it again was high. And so I was standing outside the men's bathroom. I said, come on out of there.

What you doing? We all smoking here. Come on. Come on out of there. And then one day this is amazing.

I'm telling you that story to tell you this. Because one day, I was sitting at a meeting and wasn't a cloud on the horizon. Everything was going pretty good in my life. And suddenly, the thought crossed my mind. Did you guess?

They're over here going, oh my god. Oh my lord. No. And, that this seat should go to somebody who really needs it. And, and I decided that night, being the martyr that I am, to give up my seat in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And, I called my sponsor and told her, you know, what I had come up with in less than 30 minutes. And, and she says, well, I'll see you, and hopefully, you'll make it back if you make it back. And I was like, oh, well, I don't really see why I need to come back. But thank you anyway. And I figured since I've been in AA telling them, you know, that I've been here for a little while, that surely everybody would wanna know if I was leaving.

So I went to the Wednesday night, 8:30 meeting, asked if it was any AA related announcements. Let you know what kind of AA I was, don't it? So the whole time it goes, Angie, and I said, yeah. Look here, people, drunk, people. I know I've been rolling on up out of here and thank you for the real thick book and, you know, I hope y'all keep coming back and living that live and I'm a roll on about here.

So you know how old timers are, how sensitive they are. Yeah. So this one got up and goes, well, get out of here then. There's people trying to stay sober. We'll see you if you make it back.

I was like, you've been talking to my sponsor? So see, y'all have been talking about God using you as an instrument. And I said, you know what? I think God using me as an instrument too. And I think what he want me to do is go find some black people and bring them in the AA.

So I grabbed my big book, stepped out the doors of alcoholics and not on his own to the street to the bus, said first black person I see that even appears to be an alcoholic. I'm a carry the message of Alcoholics Anonymous. So I got on the bus, and then brother got on, and he was, you know, staggering. You know? I said, bingo.

And, I slid over next to him on the bus. I said, look here, brother. You've been drinking? He said, yeah. I had a little something something.

I said, you know, you might be a alcoholic. So he start cussing me, you know, cussing me out and everything. And, I said, you know, the people at the double a club told me that you would probably react like this to my information. So I think what I'm a have to do is give it to you in a way that you will understand in the way that I know how to give it to you, and hopefully, you will hear what I have to say. And I opened the book up to chapter 5, and I stood up in the aisle of the bus.