The Northern Plains Group of Alcoholics Anonymous in Fargo, ND

Help me welcome, Scott. Everybody, I'm Scott Benson. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Scott. And because of the grace of God, the actions of Alcoholics Anonymous in sponsorship, I've been sober since May 23, 1989.

I, happy birthday, NPG. I, wanna thank, Dave, for asking me to share. The only, I've been in sober and alcohol anonymous for 16 years and the only tradition I've been associated with is speaking here each year on your anniversary. So that's quite special to be asked to come back. I think, if you're new, welcome to alcoholics anonymous.

Your life can begin to change in ways you never thought possible. All of the secretaries, I know them all, some better than others, but all of them came here hopeless and all of them came here in defeat. And today what you see is vibrant, spiritual, sometimes cocky alcoholics. And they stay sober a day at a time doing the same things they did when they got here. I don't know.

I I, I think it is, alcoholics anonymous is a special place for me. It I was talking to Pete. Here's a tribute to your group. I was talking to Pete. Pete is rather new here.

He's been coming. Just talking to him at the break. I don't know where he's at. He's probably not going to, he's probably if he's like me as an alcoholic, he's probably cringing in his chair for fear he will be embarrassed, but you won't. I asked him what he likes about Alcoholics Anonymous and he said the people.

I thought, you know, that is what I love about Alcoholics Anonymous because I've never been somewhere where what people say fits me so well. And I've never been somewhere that people what changed my life is someone took the time to pass on Alcoholics Anonymous to me. And, you know, most of us wouldn't be here had someone not taken the time to, pass it on. Of course, I've been here in Alcoholics Anonymous a little while, and of course, I've gotten to talk to my first sponsor, and he had a number of things he could have been doing besides working with me. And, I'm glad that he chose to spend a little time working with me.

I, when I share, I don't share real often, and I never really know what I'm going to talk about although, Jeff had suggested I talk about recovery. Bolte said I should drop grade school and not talk chronological. And a number of people said, I hope you give a good talk. I can tell you at 16 years of sobriety Well, let me track back. I'm an alcoholic.

I suffer from alcoholism because what I want to say is almost 17, but I've been taught it's an honesty program, and I'm 16. So I'm 16 years now that I've humbly let that out anyway. I, I just lost my train of thought. I do that a lot. I've always admired your first secretary because he's very spontaneous.

But I've also learned in alcoholics anonymous, through working these steps and talking to a sponsor that I need to be the best Scott I can be. And, I did not come to Alcoholics Anonymous. Getting back to Pete, Pete has been here for 2 months, and he likes the people here. And he's going home to Argenville or some North Dakota, I'm assuming. I don't know.

I've never heard of the town. But he's going to come back for meetings here. And if he sticks around he said that he's not much of a dresser upper. I did not share with him that I came to Alcoholics Anonymous with long hair. Boy, it was long hair.

Moccasins up to my knees and a Harley Davidson shirt. And the only thing I had accomplished in my life when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous was growing my hair to the middle of my back. That's it. There are people who are has beens. I am a never was alcoholic.

I, I grew up in an alcoholic home. I don't know that that's overly significant other than it was very exciting at my house. We had a pool table and 2 pot plants for a living room. I didn't know there were pot plants. I just thought there were plants in pots and I was not to touch them.

But they looked good when I was in the pitcher. I'm in my cub scout uniform next to them. And my my granny my granny who passed away when I was about 4 years sober loved Alcoholics Anonymous. She didn't know they were pot plants either. She just thought they were strange plants that grew in Washington and wanted one.

I don't think he ever got it. Anyway, so it was exciting. I don't know who my father is. If I would, I would be introducing myself as Scott Thomas. I would often get drunk and call down to or call down to West Palm Beach, Florida, which is where I was born, for John R Thomas, because that's all I knew about him with a brother named Oscar.

I've often wanted to go to Florida at a meeting just by chance. I might meet a John Thomas that got some drunken phone call at 3 in the morning from some kid wondering if that was the John that was his father and if he wore white tennis shoes. Apparently, they weren't popular in the seventies but my father wore them. But when I was growing up and he was a pool shark because he didn't have a job. All he did was pool.

Anyway, that's kind of cool. But I always when I would go to school, Jeff's often talked about this but everything was fine in my life when I was at home and got every need taken care of until I had to interact with other people and I instantly knew in my gut that I did not have something they had. They seem to know each other. They seem to like each other better than me. I always felt like the outsider.

I always felt like there was something wrong with me. I always felt like people looked down at me. And, nobody ever said that, but that's how I felt. And, I tried lots of different things to fill this hole. I didn't know I had a hole.

I thought maybe it was because I had red hair. That's why life is harder for me. I've discovered since in recovery that, you know, my self pity I remember when I first heard the definition of self pity. I think of self pity as, you know, like, Ah, don't have self pity, you know, like I'm sitting around crying on how tough I have it. That's not the kind of self pity that goes through the soul of my being.

My self pity, which according to Webster is this deep seated belief that my life is harder than anyone else's. I've had that my whole life. I've always felt my life was harder. It's It's harder for me to be nice. It's harder for me to be on time.

It's harder for me. It's harder for me for anything, but I always felt that. And I always thought it had something to do with on the outside. Maybe it was my hair. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have a father.

Maybe it was the fact that, that I was skinny. Maybe it was the fact that I mean, I always had these things, and I tried to compensate for all these things going through my mind by doing the things other kids did. And I was the kind of person that if I wanted to I didn't have many requests. I just wanted to be perfect and the best at anything I ever tried. So I tried a lot and didn't finish much.

Actually, I don't think I finished anything until I got into recovery. I quit, and it was always someone else's fault. It was the coach's fault. It was the other players' fault. It was it was, but I, I was one of those kids that always got we moved a lot, and I always got the note or on the report card.

It was from day 1 all the way through high school, Scott does not play well with others. That's it. I mean, nothing more to say about that. I just did not get along with other people and, I always felt like there was something wrong with me and I tried lots of different things to, I tried, Royal I tried Cub Scouts, I tried Royal Rangers, which is kinda I think it's a I can't really remember. I enjoyed it, because we would, steal, car tops or, you know, the emblems, The Royal Rangers after the after we'd have kind of the cub scout.

It was like a Lutheran cub scouts and, I wasn't there for the learning on Cub Scouts. I wanted friends. I wanted be cool. And so like anything I tend to try to mesh in with the people I'm running with. That particular summer the Royal Rangers in Dryden, Washington happened to also take car, medallions off the hoods and stuff.

So, I had quite the collection. And, but anyway, I mean, I just did anything to try to fit in. But eventually, what happened is I got an opportunity to drink. And boy, let me tell you, it absolutely changed how I saw myself and how I saw you. I always secretly believed people really didn't like me, and that went away.

I mean, I can I always talk about this every time I share, but it was very profound? When I started drinking, I was at this party. It was a new town. I didn't know very many people. I wasn't sure if they even wanted me there.

But I started drinking, and all of a sudden, I felt instantly, almost instantly better. I felt a connection to people. I felt I felt like I was close with everybody there. It was like we had a lifetime bond, almost instantly. And, I continued to drink, and, I started to get more and more drunk.

I remember I always felt very ugly. I felt awkward and unattractive, and, I remember looking at this mirror in the bathroom, kind of staggering, thinking I was just absolutely I almost wanted to cry. I was so impressed with how good I looked. And apparently, I drank too much because I was told I was crying on the back porch that nobody loved me. I peddled my bicycle home.

I went to sleep. And they call it passing out. I didn't know that. I woke up the next morning and I did not wake up the next morning with I'm never going to do that again. I really embarrassed myself.

I don't know how many drunken party criers are there here tonight. Oh yeah, there's a few. I wasn't always crying. Sometimes I was tending to the criers. I love you, man.

You don't need to cry. You got friends? So I woke up, and I woke up with the obsession that alcoholics have, although I did not know it at the time. And the obsession that an alcoholic like me has is the idea that somehow, someday, I will control and enjoy my drinking. And what ran through my head was I was gonna do that again but without the crying part because that wasn't very fun.

And I proceeded to almost alter my life where I began drinking on weekends and I began doing all sorts of things that were conducive to, me drinking because I liked it. I mean, I was always baffled by I would go out and drink and I would kinda be this guy I always wanted to be. I was I've never been known to be real compassionate. You know, oftentimes, Jeff will give me a hard time. I'll shake my kids hands when they go to bed.

But I've never been overly compassionate but I could hang in there with the emotional people. God, there was a connection when I was drinking. I mean, I loved you and we're gonna do this forever. And, early on, I had consequences because of my drinking. I got my first DUI because of an overzealous Target Rent A Cop.

I had been too drunk and I'd left the party. I don't know why, but I came back to it because it must have been happening there and pounding on apartment doors because I couldn't remember where the apartment was. And, since I couldn't find the party, I returned to my car and was tackled by a Target Rent A Cop. But you know what? The guys I drank with thought that was cool.

I guess they gave me a hard time about, you know, not like it would have been more cooler if I would have, like, punched them out and whatever. Stole a skateboard and rode home because I knew I shouldn't drink and drive. But I was always the type that I always thought I did everything better drinking. I really did. I just thought that I felt better and But anyway, I mean, my consequences were swift.

I remember, my mother was kind of in and out of alcoholics anonymous, so anytime I'd get in trouble with drinking, or anytime she'd get in trouble with drinking, she'd get sober and decide everybody needed to be sober. But I also learned that's how you get out of trouble, and so I would, I began to kind of go in and out of treatment centers. I remember I just thought about it recently, but I I was kind of in in Bismarck. I was, I was, trying to I was going to meetings, and there was this guy. His name was Mike.

I'd say his last name, but it was Mike C. And he was, like, 16 years old or 17 years old. He'd been sober 2 years in Alcoholics Anonymous. His format for sobriety was he went to a lot of meetings, he drink didn't drink and went to parties and he was my sponsor. And, I could never make it through the parties.

I would wind up I would go to meetings and then we go out to these parties and I couldn't seem to stay sober through the parties and then I'd call Mike drunk And, you know what Mike would do? Mike would take me to a meeting. And, that was kind of, let's go to a meeting. And so I'd go to meetings drunk. I remember throwing I I think the reason I still dislike candlelight meetings is I sit at a candlelight meeting there and threw up all over the table and the chair and fell it down.

And if you've been to Alcoholics Anonymous, very long, sometimes you'll see someone who's drunk at a meeting and But he tried to help me the best way he knew how. And of course, I, because that's what I wanted. I kind of wanted to not drink because I'd had enough consequences, but I wanted to have fun too because I couldn't imagine not drinking and having fun. It was either you drank and had fun, or you didn't drink and you were miserable. How I got to Alcoholics Anonymous the last time and what kind of changed things was I mean, I'd had lots of things, happen.

One of the things that I'll share is that I have the kind of alcoholism that I do not I remember people who say you shouldn't drink and I thought that's not my problem drinking is not my problem it's something with being sober but drinking is not my problem because when I go out I like who I am. Yes, I drink too much sometimes and yes, I make a fool of myself and yes, sometimes I hurt people but I don't mean to. And I would, on Monday, I was the same guy I was. And I was just baffled by, I couldn't say hi to people, I would feel bad about the things I had done. I'd felt bad about who I was.

I'd feel bad about where my life was going to. I would echo in my head, I'm never gonna be nothing. I'm never going to be nothing. And when I would drink, that would go away. When I would drink, I had hope.

I had hope that I could be something. I remember I always had this running fantasy. One of the things that happened in my I had this running fantasy that I would at the end I would drink by myself because it seemed to me the problem was drinking in public. And if I just didn't drink in public, just drank in my little room, I'd be safe. Well, of course, I'd get out of that room occasionally after I'd start drinking because I'd get ideas.

You know how you get ideas when you're drinking? But I would begin to drink. And alcohol worked for me the whole time because what would happen is, I was working at this restaurant of mine, Ryan's Family Dining, and I would start thinking about how poorly they treated me. I would start to drink and I would think about how I was going to start this restaurant, Scotty's Drive In, maybe. And run the owner out of business because he would yell at me about being late and he would yell at me about being hungover.

I kind of thought it was my job to tell him how to run his business so we had issues. But when I would drink, I would see myself running this restaurant. There's this waitress I always wanted to ask out. I didn't ask her out because I always knew she'd say no because why would you want to go out with a loser like me? But someday when I was successful, Scotty's Drive In, I'd be successful.

I'd waltz in there, let her know I was the owner of Scotty's Drive In, point to the Mercedes I had in the parking lot, and not give her a ride. And that's where I went when I drank. I loved it. And so when people told me, Don't drink, I thought, You are crazy. That's the only thing keeping me alive.

That's the only thing keeping me alive. That's the only thing that gives me hope for living. So anyway, 7 times in treatment, I get sentenced by a judge, go to AA for a year, and, I start going and, a guy took an interest in me. A guy took an interest in me just like I think his name was John. Just like Pete's sponsor.

Maybe Jeff or resentment, I guess, if I named the wrong sponsor for Pete, the gentleman I was talking to before the meeting. Anyway, but he took an interest in me, and that guy got me to do things that nobody else could he got, a judge sentenced me to go to 2 meetings of AA for a week and I would not go and yet the cigarette salesman meets me, gets my phone number and he's got me going to 5, 6, 7, 8 meetings a week because I like being around him. He was sober He was a guy having fun. And he liked sobriety, and his life had changed. He talked about how he used to cry himself to sleep.

And I could identify with that. He talked about, always feeling like he got the short end of the stick, and he talked about the way he drank and what happened to him when he drank. And I identified with all that, and he talked about what Alcoholics Anonymous had done for him. And at that time, he was 23 years old and 6 years sober. And when he'd gotten sober, his first job was, plucking chickens.

And yet here, this guy is young, vibrant. When he walks into a meeting, people are excited to see him. He's got things going on in his life. He was paying his own rent. He was, you know, he was doing a number of things that I had been unable to do.

And I wanted what he had. I was scared only because he was sponsoring a couple other guys. And for whatever reason, I thought, well, maybe if I ask him to sponsor me, the other 2 guys will be mad. So I took a little while, but he kept working on me, kept working on me, and taking me to meetings, and and I asked him to sponsor me. And my life began to change.

And, I'm not sure, you know, there's a lot of things that that happen, you know, in in I was when I was looking at that, you have a picture of Bill and doctor Bob and the backbone of Alcoholics Anonymous is one alcoholic helping another. And I know from my experience that my sponsor was able to get me to do things that nobody else in the world had ever been able to get me to do. And that guy got me to go to meetings even though I informed him I had covered steps 1 through 5 7 times in treatment he got me go through the book again. He got me to write an honest inventory. He gave me hope.

I began to think that maybe, just maybe, Alcoholics Anonymous would work for me like it had some of these other people. And I didn't think it could work as well because after all, life's harder for me than anyone else, and I'm kind of a second class guy. But I got some hope. And, you know, since then, there's a lot of things that have happened in the times that that I've been in Alcoholics Anonymous. I've had ups and downs.

I've had a a lot of joys. I'm assuming Mike is the timer, and I have 5 minutes. 5 minutes to cover 16 16 years and so many months of sobriety. I watched my mother get sober in Alcoholics Anonymous. My sponsor said, shut up and be a good example.

And a few months later, my mother came to Alcoholics Anonymous, and she came to my home group, and she's been sober and an active member. She sponsors a few of you here, and, my mother has become one of my best friends. And, I created a lot of damage. I was not my mother only had one son, me. I disappointed her a lot.

Because of alcoholics anonymous, I've been able to become the son I would like to be. And, that was because of, you know, when I I mean, there's if you're if you've been in treatment or around AA, oftentimes we have labels and what I was when I got here is I was hopeless, I was a loser, I was a thief, I bad mouthed everybody and couldn't figure out why I would feel uncomfortable at meetings. You know, I would always complain about everybody at meetings and I was, you know, kind of a defective character pointer outer. And, you know, when you go to coffee and talk about someone who ain't there so you can help them. And, I, but I got busy.

And I know the backbone of Alcoholics Anonymous is one alcoholic, helping another alcoholic. And and that's what I've tried to do. I've tried to, practice these principles in our affairs, and and a lot of things have happened. You know, a lot of things have happened. If people were to describe me today, it wouldn't be by those labels that I just described.

And, I suppose they would describe me as friend, and I was incapable of being a friend. Not the kind of friend I judged all my friends and thought they weren't as good of a friend as I was, but the reality of it was that I was a terrible friend. I was a terrible son. I was a terrible because I was such a taker. And Alcoholics Anonymous has allowed me to, because of the fire, because I do alcoholics anonymous to save my butt, not someone else's, is that it's propelled me into, you know, taking the steps and trying to pass Alcoholics on us on the best I can.

And doctor Bob in his last talk I know I'm running out of time but his last kind of official talk that he gave before he passed away I'd encourage any of you who have not read that talk to read it. It's very short. It's very, very short. One of the things he warns is about the erring tongue. I know my recovery there's so many things that have happened.

You know, I've gotten married in AA. I've got friends. I have children. I have 5 kids and a beautiful wife. I have a business.

I have a mother in Alcoholics Anonymous. I have great friends. My sponsor told me your best friends would be the guys that you sponsored. And at one point that really scared me. But that is not the case anymore.

I'm glad he is right. I'm glad he is right. Because most of the people that I've been able to be somewhat helpful to me are very different than me. They're very different. I think we're all unique in our own special way.

I think alcoholism is the same. But doctor Bob said, let's watch our tongue. And I know when I was 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, whatever you're sober is that in a group like this it's grown. I'm gonna try not to run long, but it's grown. You ever find it funny if someone who's 5 years sober does something wrong, you think that goofball shouldn't be doing that at 5 years of sobriety.

How dare him? Now if it's someone you sponsor, you say, and he tells you about it you got hope for him. Well, he's honest with me, you know, he can make amends. He'll move on. But when it's not someone you sponsor we think, or I think he shouldn't be doing that 6 years.

But what happens in alcoholics anonymous is sometimes I discovered when I was 5 or 6 or 7 years sober that I became judgmental. And everybody has, I think we're all judgmental, to one extent or another. But everybody, no matter how hard I work at Alcoholics Anonymous, I will never rise above human being. So for example, today even though my life is very, very good and I had my 3 o'clock snit at work, I've been given a program of action where I can make it right. So at 3:30, as I'm making amends to one of my assistants for being a jerk, I left feeling good.

And I'm not gonna go to work tomorrow feeling like I should have done something or trying to justify my actions. The bottom line is I was wrong. I've been given a program of action to try to make it right and, can can to continue on. But no matter how hard I work Alcoholics Anonymous, I will never rise above being a human being. And I'll always have, defects of character that will sometimes I will be god will remove the ones from me which stand in the way of me being useful.

That's what the, the, 7 step prayer talks about. And, of course, I gotta do some action, and I gotta make things right, and I gotta do a lot of things. I gotta participate in my recovery. I gotta try to be of service. I gotta try to be helpful.

And what happens is I don't do those things because I'm a wonderful guy. Sometimes people will say that, but I do those things because it makes my life better. One of my favorite speakers, one time, when I was in a treatment center, said, I'm not here to save your butt. I'm here to save mine. And, the reality of it is is I do the things in alcoholics that I do, because it helps me stay sober.

It helps me feel good about who Scott is. It helps me, and some days, I do it real well, and some days, I don't do it real well. Today, one of the things being too into myself, one of the guys I always meet on Tuesday who's here, Mike, I forgot I met him on Tuesday. And, I had to, talk to him and let him know that I was, sorry, and I will try not to let that happen. We wound up meeting.

It was about 15 minutes late, and I had a lot of guilt because after all, at 16 years, I should be perfect. Right? I'm not, and that's why I continue to do this because I continue to grow. And it's very exciting to watch Alcoholics Anonymous grow. Here's what I'm going to end with.

If you were at the 1st anniversary, 1st secretaries meeting, raise your hand. And you guys carried it to who was it the 2nd? Keep your hands up. Who was it the 3rd secretary's meeting? 4th?

5th? 6th? 1 alcoholic working with another alcoholic. Thank you.