Step workshop in Slidell, LA

So this vicious human being that I was being sponsored by had me go back to my cell and make a list of who I can write a letter to and who I would have to wait and see. And then he reviewed my lists and changed it. It seems his view were some of the people that I thought I should go see, I could probably take care of with a letter. And some of them I was eager to write. I probably needed to go look them right in the eye.

And we began that wonderful process. I had on Christmas day, we didn't have any money as I've already told you. And I I went down to the drugstore where I've been passing script and, got a dollar and a half's worth of Christmas tree lights on credit. I had to write this guy a letter telling who I was, where I was, why I was there, and that I had ripped him off for a dollar and a half on those Christmas tree lights. I made 20 foot I made 10¢ a day.

That was my wages. And out of that, I had to buy all my toiletries. We worked out a budget. Would he accept a quarter a month for me until that was paid off? That's really hard on a big time gangster's ego.

Quarter a month. He said, yes, he would. I've been taught to pray before each man. The big book says that while I'm trying to put my life in order, that is not an end in itself. My real purpose in making amends and getting straight with the world, my real purpose is to fit myself to be of maximum service to God knows about me.

And one of the ways I do that, I'm free already before I come to you. K? So that can't be the purpose of me coming to you to get free. I'm already free. I'm there because I owe you.

Nothing more. And over the years, my experiences told me that in doing that, somehow I make it possible for you to get free too. That's the service I'm gonna provide. And so I got thinking about that. Did you ever sit around and listen to people talking about the one who isn't there?

Because they don't like him anymore. If only Joe could admit he was wrong, I can forget it. I don't know how many times I've listened to and heard that. If only he would admit they were wrong, I could be free. And that's what it says I'm supposed to do, go say, I was wrong.

It's hard for an alcoholic. The word doesn't fit well in our mouth. I mean, I can say I am contrite. Oh, I'm sorry. My sponsor said I was never allowed to say that.

He says you've been sorry your whole life. Okay. You get to say I was wrong and I harmed you. And here's what I think I can do to help straighten it out. But what do you think?

I must leave it open for that. You know what that does? It made it possible for me to make amends to my mother. Because what you do after you ask the question, what do I have to do? You shut up and listen.

Well, I tell you. It was a great concern to me because I was fully aware that I had put my mother, who's a very loving person, in a position to say on Christmas Day, you and your children cannot come to my house anymore. How do you make up for that? Nothing that I could ever think of would square that deal. So I just laid willing and ready as soon as I know how, I'll square that.

And the only person I can go to is her and she wouldn't see me. It was months later. So I mean by you get to live with some of that shit. Months later, I went to see her after I got out. She was really reluctant.

I don't blame her. Chamberlain set me free of that. I single handedly destroyed everything worthwhile in my life, and I have no right to expect anyone to ever talk to me again, much less forgive me for anything. If they stay pissed at me forever, that's correct. They should.

So I don't go to impress anybody. I just went to find out what I could do, and I found an easy way to ask her. You don't just come right out and say, well, I was wrong, ma. What do I have to do? I don't get it.

I eased into it, and then I showed up and listened. And she said to me, honey, all I've ever wondered for you was that you'd be happy. I had my answer. My action in making amends to my mother has been for since that time to this day. I go by her house on a regular basis happy.

It worked. She told me it was 6 years before she really believed I was gonna amount to anything, but that was fine. I wasn't expecting her to ever believe in me again. I gave her what she wanted. She had to see me happy.

Yeah. That's the deal. I Wish you were more dramatic. It isn't We took her to dinner last Sunday She's just having a ball. She's moved in with my sister.

Dad died in March. And they've been living in that 48 room house and it just got too much for her. So she's out with my sister, and she showed us her little room and how cozy she is, and it's really pretty neat. That's what this is about. Repairing those relationships.

It says we commenced this way of life as we cleaned up the past. I'm a believer in getting your amends done. Don't waste any time. But I don't believe you can ever get them all done. Some of them take some time to get cleared up.

You can address it and begin to do it, but they may not be done. I don't wanna have to wait. It was 22 years before my brother and I made peace. If I wouldn't have moved forward with my spiritual life for that 22 years, I wouldn't have been there. It took a long time for my kids.

I damaged my children. I taught my children to be invisible because we ran the streets, and it was necessary to be invisible. What a thing that is to do to a child is to teach a child to be invisible. That's a very harmful deal. How do you undo that?

I don't know. I created a place where they could become visible, if that's what they wanted to do. James has told me how long I have. There's that much tape left. He's gonna hold a finger up.

Remember that little pair of cowboy boots and the shirt I got on credit? I got arrested the next day and never paid for them. And I know I had to go back and pay for those. When I got out of prison, I got hired by this little company, Dixon Paper Company. They wouldn't hire me directly.

They put me on as a daily labor pool worker, eventually hired me. Have I already told you the story of how I got the truck driving job? Wonderful stuff. They didn't hire ex cons at Dixon, Which didn't bother me because I'm not an ex con I'm a man. I've been to prison and there really is a difference.

I don't want to be an ex con. I have all kinds of problems. Anyway, they took me from the boxcar into, the dock, and I was working on the dock. And I've been taught to be completely straight. When they finally had me put in an application, I put down all my job experience, including drug smoker.

Well, that was one of the jobs I had. Okay. Check writer, document forger. You know, they wanna know what can you do. Well, that's what I've been doing.

K. I'm working on the dock, and the dispatcher called me in one day. He's got my application and a really funny look on his face. I said, did you really do that? And I said, yeah.

I really did. He said, what? I've been thinking. We got this little truck that delivers paper to the print shops in downtown Denver. It's a tough route.

And it seems to me the kind of skills that it takes to move marijuana into this country the way you did is about the same kind of skills I need for this truck driver. You seem to know how to get stuff from here to there in difficult circumstance. I got me a truck driving job because of my past. In God's hands, everything works out to the best. K?

Now the only drawback to that little job is that I never knew what time I was gonna get off. All the other guys did. Part of my truck's job was to take the packages of paper that were going to be shipped by bus to the bus station at the end of the day and drop them off to be shipped. Well, all the paper companies did, so there's a line of trucks out there. I never knew for sure.

I was a little irritated by that, little low grade irritation. And I'm sitting there in line one day waiting, and 2 prison guards come in with Jim. When they let him out, they didn't want him in Colorado anymore. They were sending him back to Florida. We got 5 minutes.

This is the guy I did my fist step with. We got close. I got out before he did. We got to see each other. He's okay, and I'm okay.

And we haven't met since. But in God's hands, it all comes together. If it hadn't been for that stupid little job, I'd have missed it. K? So it works for me.

I just get in line and wait my turn, and it comes out. K? I managed to my dad. Very important to me. And I went to him with my list because it was a big one.

I really screwed over that poor man. But I've been taught how we do it here. I open the door gently if I'm gonna make a mess to you. 1st, we just kinda get some general stuff, and then if you wanna get more detail, it's there. And I said, pop, you know, I've lied to you and I've stolen from you and I've cheated you.

And he saw the list I had and he said, please stop. All you can do by telling me the dirty details again is hurt me all over again. You and I are gonna have to start from here. Well, that was so important. At one time, my father and grandfather were the Grand Quagle and the second in command of the Colorado Ku Klux Klan.

They had some really funky attitudes. I never understood it, but that's who they were. If that's the image I'd have kept of my father all these years, wouldn't it have been a shame? Because he had a spiritual awakening. And he and I on a particular day got to start from here, not from back here.

We started from here, and we built a brand new relationship. From that day forward. I'd have missed him if I'd have kept him in those robes. K? And he'd have missed me.

And we had some fun, my dad and I. I owed him some money. He said, well, I'll start from here. And I said, I I still I owe you some money. He said, I know you do, but I don't care.

Just call it Square. I said, I can't do that, Bob. He said, alright. A little exasperated with me. He said, I don't wanna be involved in your bookkeeping system at all.

Don't tell me how much you owe me. Don't tell me nothing. Just whenever you feel I could come by and give me some money, and when you think it's done, it's done. So I did that and had the experience of being of service through my making of amends. They were both on old age pensions and my mother's mother died And she got an inheritance and my mother is straight arrow and she went and told the state and they cut both pensions off.

And mom discovered a new dimension. Now she had all the money. And she started nickel and dimeing him. K. She I love her dearly, but that was kinda mean.

But every now and then, I'd come by with a $20 bill. And squaring up the past, I became his pocket money. K. I was able to serve both of them. Them.

I, finally got a nice job. I've had my financial immense have always been nickel and dime. I want to save up the whole 100 and give it to you all at once. Never gonna happen. Don't ever intend it's gonna happen.

It won't happen that way. Finally got a job where I had a coat and tie. It looked pretty good. It was impressive. I was the job developer for an agency that got jobs and housing and stuff for guys coming out of prison.

Rather impressive. And they called me up to the desk one morning and here's this bum, unshaven, smelly bum. Unfortunately, I recognized him. He was a former landlord of mine from Overland Park, Kansas, whom I had skipped on. And he was there inquiring if perhaps I might have some money to pay him the $80 or so that I owed him.

And he was doing it rather loudly in front of all these people who were at that point impressed with me. So I gave him what I had. I don't know. 5, 10, 5 whatever the hell I had. I gave it to him and I immediately calculated out of my next paycheck.

I don't want this happening anymore. And I asked him for his address so I could get him the rest of the money so I don't have one. So kind of regularly for a little while this bum would come in, and I have to go up in front of all these people and give him the money I owed him. And it turned for me as I began to be aware. The the days he came in, he was hungry because he didn't have a job or a place to live or nothing.

And my money fed him that day. So by putting in God's hands, it benefited everybody. It reduced my ego, and it gave the people that I was working with an opportunity to see Alcoholics Anonymous in action. We do things like this. We became more credible because of that.

K? I miss him. Apparently, he wasn't impressed with me because as soon as the debt was paid in full, I haven't seen him since. He did not want an ongoing renewed relationship. That's his heart.

Came by dad's one time and he said, look, do me a favor, will you? Old Mac up at the Texaco station where I get my gas every time I go in he says When's Don gonna come in and give me the money he owes me? And I didn't even remember I'd owed him any money. It'd been several years It was a blank spot for me. He said will you please go square that up?

I'm trying to listen to it. I Only have $5 in the pocket. So I went up to Mac. I owed Mac 75 it turns out Drove into Mac's place and, went into my spiel. Mac made a mess out of my life.

He says, you sure as hell did. When do I get my money? I said, well, all I've got is $5. He said, I'll take it and wrote me out a receipt. I said, Mac, I'd like to set up a payment schedule.

He said, don't give me that crap. You've never kept your word in your life. We're not setting up any payment schedule. You just come when you can and give me some money. That's all I owed Mac.

That's all he wanted from me. And that one got paid. It was hard every time I go in. I never had enough, but it was just fine. I kept it going.

He got to see Alcoholics Anonymous in action. I don't know what it did to him. Don't care. He got to see it in action, and I got to see it in action. That's what this is about.

I got square with him, and I got square with my dad. What we do affects everybody around us, and so I have to listen. Do you know why dad asked me that? Somewhere along the way, he came to trust me. He came to trust the fact that I would take care of it.

He couldn't have asked me to do that. That's pretty subtle stuff, but that's the way it works. My little brother was a case in point. It was 22 years before he would really even have much to do with me, And I'm clear as to why. I was his hero growing up.

I was his big brother. He watched me destroy all the dreams that people like us have. He watched me hurt the family. I betrayed this boy. He became a world famous musician, and I became an inmate in the penitentiary.

And a bum. So it was a while. Because of the program, I believe they get to pick the time and the place. I just have to stay willing. And eventually, well, when I was 22 years sober, they finally had us over for dinner, he and his girlfriend.

And after the dinner, he said to me, I'm not sure you and I can ever be friends, but this was pleasant. We can do this again. And we began to develop something. Well, because I go by the folks regularly, we had a a fun thing happen with Roy. When I was in North Carolina, I still went home once in a while.

Whenever I'm home, I go by the folks' place. And I was visiting with the folks, my leg was crossed like this. And my brother came in and sat down, and all of a sudden I don't know where he kicked me on the bottom of the foot. He says, you know, I'm really glad to see you. And he was surprised as hell because he was really glad to see me.

I surprised him. He said, look. Next time you're in town, why don't you and I just go up to the cabin and do a little fishing? We've got a little cabin up in the hills. I say we is my brother's cabin.

We made a little contribution to it. It's his cabin. So on the next trip in, of course, we went up there. And scared a few brook trout and then went back to the cabin and talked and played cribbage because that's what it was about. We talked.

Give me a great gift that day. In midst of our conversation, he said, Don, I want you to know something. Said I'm 58 years old right now, and I think I've been able to make a decent contribution to life. That's pretty good stuff. We are healed.

Because of that, my brother and I had the opportunity to detox my mother off of morphine. She had gotten some shingles, and they gave her morphine for the pain and it upset her stomach. So they gave her some stomach medicine and the combination. She began having visitors that we didn't. I had a conversation with her one day, and she told me as soon as Don gets back in time, we will discuss this further.

She took some trips to Pennsylvania and never left that chair. Kuneet, she was starving. It was a bad scene. Guess who they called in? I wonder why they would call me.

He and I spent 3, maybe 4 days shifting around, getting her off of that morphine. That's a nice thing to be able to do together. K? I could go on and on and on because this is about being square. Amend means to change, not to apologize.

Means to change. One of the ways that I make amends to people what I have been ignoring is to pay attention to them. The way I make amends to someone that I've been lying to is to begin to not lie to them. If I've been cheating you, I stop that. And one of the ways I cheated people the most was I cheated them out of their time.

God willing, I will not cheat you out of time anymore. K? I will be on time. I'm hard to live with sometimes because I'm on time. I have a really full rich life.

And on time to me, there's if 10 o'clock is the time we negotiated, 5 minutes before or 5 minutes after is acceptable. Nothing else. 5 before, I stop all other activity. I'm ready for you. And 5 after, I start my next activity.

It's already too late. K. And I do that because that's how I will be with you. I will never be too early for you, nor will I be too late for you. I'll be where I'm supposed to be.

It's the only time it can happen. It's not a moralistic or a judgmental thing. It's a spiritual life. It's the only way it can happen. I honor your time.

You're busy. You have things to do. And If I'm one of the things you're gonna do today, I just assume we were both on time because I got things to do too. And we can get on about doing them. We'll be richer for being together, but I Mentioned to you messengers and angels.

We all have them. Look for them. Learn to recognize your messengers. It's really important. Everybody is a messenger in one sense or another, but not everybody has is my messenger.

I 6 years sober, I thought that Paul Solon was one of my messengers. He was the flying saucer prophet, fundamentalist Mormon flying saucer prophet. I thought he was my messenger, so I followed him to Arizona and for 4 months went completely loony and had the greatest time in my whole life. Life He was not one of my messengers Okay, Tom Ivester is one of my messengers Yeah. And he has characteristics that I look for.

And if I describe him to you, I'm describing me to you. These are the characteristics of the people I listen to. They are busy. Not busy busy. They tend to be almost visionaries.

They they have a mission that they're on. It's important. What they do is important. It's not frivolous, and they're moving from here to there doing that. Even though he has a home base and I have a home base, That's really important.

We have home group. We have home. We have family. We have that base, but we're busy. Always wanting to stop and have a cup of coffee, but you have to understand I'm essentially on my way to Australia.

K? Did you ever see that film? James Garner supports your local sheriff. He takes on the job as sheriff after explaining to them that he's a gold prospector. He's essentially on his way to Australia because he knows there's gold down there.

He'll do the job until the urge hits him, and he's gone. And as long as they understand that, he'll take the job. Well, that's hit me in my heart because that's me. I'll just keep saying yes, but you have to understand. I'm essentially on my way to Australia.

So please listen. Jack Brennan was one of my messengers. Jack says something so important one day. I wanna share it with you. Please listen to everything I have to say because I will never be by this way again.

And it confused me because I knew I was gonna see him the next week. And then I got thinking about it, and he would told me the absolute truth. I will never be by this way again, nor will you. We will all be different next time. So let's pay close attention to each other because we'll never be by this way again.

And it's not as important as it sounds because if we miss it, we'd got something else. But this is it. We talk loosely about one day at a time. This is it. Okay.

How fun that can be. The 10 step process in here is very simple, and it just says to continue doing what you've been doing. And when selfishness and self centeredness and dishonesty and fear crop up, they will. When they do, here's what you do about them. Keep writing this inventory.

There's something you forgot. Begin to work with others as people worked with you. And all that means is not being part of information. It's time. I have done my very best this weekend to demonstrate to you at a level beyond your own understanding that I love you.

K? I've only given you one thing of any importance whatsoever this weekend, me and my time. I gave you my time. That's what it's about, not information. I always have to chuckle at these things when I come down here.

I'm asked to come and talk about the big book. Read the damn thing. You didn't hear me talk about it. Read it. And then we'll share it with each other.

That I will do. You gave me a very precious gift this weekend. Your time. Your attention. That's what God gives me.

God gives me time and attention. And it's important for me to give God some time and attention too. So I have all kinds of routines. I don't even like to tell people about my routines because they change according to my consciousness. There was a time when I could enter into the meditative state with a little incense and the tinkling of a bell.

I had a little temple bell that came to me from India, and I could go tink, and oh, it took me there. Today, that's a distraction. Ceremonially, I follow the red road. I'm a pipe carrier in the Lakota tradition, and that's nice. But if I can't meet with God without that, then I'm in trouble.

K? And there's some warnings I don't wanna do that either. The ritual isn't what it's about. It's just God and I spending all the time together in whatever way we can. And it's up to me to create circumstances where that can happen.

We in America are really, really fortunate because of the hang ups of this country. They provide us a meditation room wherever we go. There is a place, wherever you are, that you can go and be by yourself for a few minutes under any circumstances at all. Try out here in the hall. K.

But I must I must have a certain amount of solitude. The spiritual life requires a certain amount of solitude. The world won't give you that. They really won't. You have to create it for yourself.

So I have a place that I put together for myself wherever I go. I have a place in here that I have prepared within myself. I prepared it by keeping my house clean, by continuing the inventory, by working with others, by thinking of others' needs. And by looking for that, I don't quite know how to put it, an entryway. Let me give you an image because it helped me when I needed images, and I still use it.

This centering is getting to that quiet place within. This old assembly of God preacher came by one day, and we were singing. I I love to sing. We started singing in the garden. I come to the garden alone.

When the dew is still on the roses stop it. And the voice I hear whispering in my ear, the Son of God discloses. And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me on His own. And the joy we share as we tarry there, no other has ever known. And it was a burst for me.

There's the image I can use. Within me is a garden, and I can go there when the dew is still on the roses. That means first thing in the morning. And what is my relationship with God? It's defined.

He walks with me and he talks with me. And the voice I hear whispering in my ear never yells at me. It's a very quiet voice. But the most important thing I've learned from not only the song but the experience of that is the word tarry. It means essentially to hang out with.

Not to do anything with, just to hang out, tear it, linger a while. So I began going into the garden and just hanging out. My garden is very specific. Got a big apple tree with a wooden circle around it to sit on, grass, and there's a brick out here, And there's a little old man puttering in the flower gardens down over here. Oh, I've gotta say that's god, but good cat.

And, and we hang out. And if I wanna visit, he'll visit. And if I don't, he'll just putters. And I can sit there in the garden and be still. And I used to carry all my problems into the garden with me and show them to him, see what they've done to me today.

Look at all this. And we'd get answers and come out. And then I learned to leave the problems outside the garden and just go in and hang out. And when I left the garden about half the time, I forgot I brought any problems with me. I just left them there and had the strengths to do with others.

Got to be happy. I was on an airplane one time musing about this, and I heard the voice. Don, become the gardener. Oh, what an interesting idea. I knew I've been doing that.

That's what the 11th step is all about. But I had shifted a little bit. I was trying to be the garden, not become the garden. Life's about becoming all the time. It's not static.

It's about becoming. Becoming the garden. Well, the garden has, opened up a little bit. She and Jackie and I got to go to Winter Park a while back, leveling the weekend. And outside our window was a trout stream.

And I was so impressed with it. Next time I entered the garden, I moved the wall back and put a trout stream in. Gotta find out if that little rascal can jump the water or if I'm gonna have to break a bridge for him. Another time I was in the garden and I heard the voice said, Don, look over here. And I moved from the the brick wall, which is makes it cozy, And there was no wall here.

There was an empty space filled with stars and just an eternity of stuff out there. And a sense that we have forever to examine all of this anytime you want. And then back to the garden. I know it sounds childish, but these are the kinds of things that have allowed me to get into that state. Don't use that image much anymore.

There's that sense of that. I have found for me there are 2 different states of meditation. One is actually prayerful contemplation, not meditation. One thought at a time. Contemplative prayer is an important deal.

But I also find there's times when instead of one thought at a time, there's very precious moments when I don't think at all. It's completely quiet. Very hard to come by. There's a sense there that I I'm unable to explain to you at all. It is my hope that that's where I'm going to leave this planet from.

If that all works out, somebody's gonna find the Hulk. Do with it as you wish. Come through with it. But in that state just try it sometime. Quite often, that's where I hear the voice.

I'm not schizophrenic. It's never, Don, lead these people to the promised land. It's always, Don, here's one you missed. You thought you were a jerk yesterday? Now look at this one.

K. But he tarries there with me, and I tarry there with God. That's the application of this. I'm to carry this into all of my affairs. Last week was an extremely stressful week at work.

And after months of stress, I don't care how fit you are, you get to where you want to snap somebody's head off. I work in a business where, literally, the phone had 3 lines going. There were 3 people in my office, and there was a crisis boiling. And I had a report to write, And all this is all going on at the same time, and I'm trying to field it, which normally I love. On this day, I'd had enough.

And as soon as I got the office clear, I pulled in, and the thought that came to me that all I had to do today was just bring the spirit of God into the building. Where I am, he is. I don't have to feel all this. Just bring it in. That carried me through that day.

Just that thought. All you have to do is just walk down the hall as if the spirit of God were with you. I had to write some inventory to get to there. Wasn't that fun? Ain't that awful?

We have a thing we call sponsorship. It's defined by everybody in a different way. Very important. The whole idea came originally from just service club sponsorship, which means Bill belongs to the moose. And if I wanna belong, he has to say, he's okay with me.

And the moose say, well, bring him around for a few times and we'll look him over. But you're responsible for him, Bill. You gotta sign off on him. That's where it came from. Some are the AA groups, the one in Saint Louis, particularly.

That's what you had to do. You couldn't come until you somebody brought you and sponsored you. And, they had to be at every meeting with you, and you had to be at every meeting. And if you missed a meeting, you had to go to the crash committee while they decide whether you were gonna be allowed to come back or not, whether you meant business or not. And if you got one drunk, one freebie, and then that was it.

It was over. And if you didn't come to a meeting, you and your sponsor had to come. You had to come with a note from your doctor declaring that you he thought you were alcoholic. It has changed. Yeah.

I would say so. Okay. But has it really changed? I ask you to look around. In some places, it has gone back to that.

If you don't have a sponsor, you don't belong here. That's the implication. Who's your sponsor? Let's see. Let me look at my scalp belt and see who it is this week.

Sponsorship is defined in the big book only once. In fact, the big book doesn't tell you how to find a sponsor. It teaches you how to be 1. And only one place is it defined, to show others precisely how we have recovered. That's what a sponsor does where I come from.

I will show you precisely what I've done to recover. You may or not may not wanna hang out with me after that. A lot of people I sponsor, I sponsor through the steps. We have the experience, and they go their way. And we meet along the road somewhere, and I think that's as it should be for me.

Others need the mentor relationship from a sponsor. Some people need that. I don't quarrel with that. I'm not a good mentor because about the time you need me, I'm in Slidell, Louisiana. K.

Anybody in Denver who needs me today is in trouble. K. If that's the relationship. Well, it isn't for me. It just isn't.

I have no quarrel with it. Some people need that. We need to be sure I make peace with all the different so called factions in a Because if I run into some guy who really needs mentoring, needs to be part of a group for the hierarchy, and you call every day and all that, I know who to send him to. I don't have any problem with that. I can send them right over there and will in a flash.

And when they get somebody who's too sick for that, they call me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. To practice these principles in all of my affairs. And what are the principles?

Honesty, self examination, tolerance, kindliness, love, the sharing of time. They're endless. In all my affairs, you gotta have some. You gotta get back into life. We had a meeting in our backyard once a month or once a year.

Bunch of folks come. We have a big potluck and have a meeting out on the lawn. And after one of those meetings, the neighbor kid next door the next day called me and said, you seem to know something about alcoholism. He's been listening to fence. It seems he had some friends who were in trouble.

I've been talking to his dad. I know he was in trouble. Okay. Had it not been for that little affair we were having, he'd never been able to talk to me. He was growing marijuana in my backyard for a while.

Well, that's naturally not gonna grow in his backyard. He's never been sure what happened to him. I didn't mention it. It's just another weed to me. It got pulled up and trashed like all the other weeds.

We had a big black lab. And he asked me one day, if I came over that fence, would that dog bite me? He's wanting to check on his stuff. And I said, no. I don't think he'd bite you.

Like, what he'd do is probably eat you and bury your bones under the apple tree, and he quit coming across the fence. Stories. To carry this message to alcoholics, what message am I carrying to alcoholics? It's not the words. It's not the meanings.

How do I carry the message? Am I a visible demonstration of the power of God that can transform people like me into useful citizens. Can you see that? That's what I have to carry. I've talked for almost 6 hours now, and they're taping it because none of us have memories long enough to remember anything I said.

K. I don't care what the hell I said. How are you gonna remember? But, God willing, you will understand that this weekend, where I am, God is. And I let him demonstrate through me what he can do, which is simply we created a little unity, we created a little arena, all of us together.

And we joined in brotherly and harmonious action this weekend. You know what it's about? We enjoyed each other. We tarried for a while in this little garden. Now we have a job to do.

This weekend is absolutely meaningless Unless each of us goes from here back out into the world and find somebody else that we can say, you don't have to do this anymore, you know. I can show you how to change your life. That's what it's about. Is it not? Yes.

Yeah. I am more than what I was when I came here. I've given you everything I have. It's not definitive. I hope you understand that.

We missed a lot. You big book technicians know we missed a lot. K? Because I know you're big book technicians, and you don't need you'll go back and find it. Okay.

I brought you a great gift this weekend. I brought the legend with me. You finally got to meet Jackie. She's sane. She really is.

It's just a joy to hang out with her. She's sane. There's proportion. She can think straight. She's very patient.

Well, most of the time. Let me tell you how sane she is. When we first got together, she had these 2 little girls, and I had these 2 barbarians, teenage barbarians. And things got a little tense. And I remember one time the girls just got all over me.

And so I went upstairs and pouted. I'd been hurt. And I laid and waited, and I knew that shortly she was going to come up and tell me that it was gonna be alright. She had straightened them out. I could come back down now.

About 2 hours later, I realized I'm gonna starve to death up here. Ain't nobody coming. If I wanna pout, go pout. When you're done, come back down. That's insane.

So I learned from her how to carry that into my sponsorship. Chuck called me one night from a bar. I'm sitting here with an open beer in front of me, and I plan to drink it. I said, well, wouldn't stop you for the world, Chuck. Chuck.

Remember, we made a deal. You reserved that ride. I think it's stupid, but go ahead. By the way, this is a shitty way to treat a friend. To call me and tell me you're gonna kill yourself, and I hung up on him.

And he came over my house shortly after that. He hadn't drunk that beer. He went to he came to my house and we talked. She didn't know it, but I learned somehow how to do that from her. When I was 7 when my son was 17 years old, I had to put him on the street one night.

It was 20 below 0, and it was in a blizzard, and I had to put him on the street. Hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. But based on these principles, I have to practice these principles in all of my affairs, and the unity of our home is more important than any individual in it, and that includes me. And he was destroying our home. He was doing things that were completely disrupting our home.

And he had been told the day before, if you do these anymore, you'll have to leave. You can't live here and do this. The next day, he did it again. And I had to pray for the strength to do the right thing. And I put him out, and he hated me for a long time.

God was kind and didn't let me know till later. There's times he slept in the snow. But he came back to me later, and he said, I hated you for a while, but I wanna thank you today. I had to get it done. And part of why I put him out is because in talking with her and praying and I became aware of something.

I was killing my own son with my version of love. I kept rescuing him. In the middle of his life lessons, I was rescuing him. And if you cut somebody off in the middle, they don't get to start in the middle and finish. They have to go all the way back to the beginning and start all again.