Step workshop in Slidell, LA

It says we avoid retaliation and argument. That ain't fair either. But that's what my new mind does. I have to avoid retaliation and argument. How can I be right if I don't argue with you and don't retaliate?

How are you going to know what you just did to me if I don't retaliate? If we don't argue, I will never be able to convince you that you're wrong and I'm right. I may even get noble enough to say that you have a right to be wrong, but you are wrong. And I'll be glad to explain why carefully, calmly. We avoid retaliation in argument.

My whole image is a man that's threatened by that, you know, if I'm buying into the trips that have been laid on me. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we lose our chance of being helpful. We can't be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. And I already put God to the test one day in my palatial apartment on cell b 49 right with all my arrogance.

I said, I gotcha. Show me how to take a kindly and intolerant view toward Adolf Hitler. It wasn't all that long when I found myself thinking about Volkswagens. You know, that was his deal. Designed it and put it on the people's car.

May have been the only decent thing the man ever did. I had no idea. But I know that God answered for me this prayer, showed me a way for a moment or 2 to take a kindly intolerant view toward the greatest monster we've ever produced. Let me know he was there. What a wondrous thing.

Testing. Don't be afraid to test him. He can handle any test you can throw at him. He also has made it clear to me that I shouldn't dwell a whole lot on Adolf Hitler. Things like that.

Don't need to do that. It just answered my prayer. How nice that is in in my daily life. I have a I I work for a system that works for a system that's designed to fail, Built right into the criminal justice system is the need to fail. And I work for a system that contracts with that system, which means that quite often, people in other agencies that I need to have do something so I can get my job done.

Don't get it done. And I get really pissed at that because you know whose butt gets chewed when it doesn't get done? Mine. My boss wants to know why it hasn't been done, and I can't say. Because she didn't do her job.

All he wants to know is that I gotta get my job done. And I was really angry with this person. And I did the inventory on it and this is where I got free. God showed me how to take a Kant intolerant view toward this person. It was real simple.

I was having difficulty getting my job done because she hadn't gotten her job done. Maybe she was having trouble getting her job done because somebody else hadn't gotten her job done either. K? Maybe so. I got the view that it wasn't being done to personally harass me.

Isn't that how we always feel? You're doing this for me, just to hurt me. Baloney. She didn't give a damn whether I lived or died. She's harassed all the time.

I got the view, and the view set me free, and I was able to clean it up and find ways around that roadblock. K. They wanted me her bosses wanted me to start keeping a list of when she screwed up so we could build a case against her and get her out of there. And I had to refuse that. I will not participate in that kind of thing.

I don't need to do that. But it sure was tempting on the day they came to me. K. God showed me how to take a counterintuitive, particularly toward the ones that hurt me. Can you see now what the new attitude is?

Only with this new way of looking at things can I then go on to what's really important about this inventory, and that's to find out where I'm wrong? We go back to our list again, putting out of our minds the wrongs others have done, we resolutely look for our own mistakes. As I said earlier, I do not ever look for my part in the deal. At this point, there are no parts. I am wrong.

Where am I wrong? That's what I wanna find out. I'm to disregard, put out of my mind any wrongs you may have done. And then I find 7 questions here and can make a case for 8. My sponsor says there's only 5.

The hell with him. I find 7. Okay. Let's just go over them and take a break. We resolutely look for our own mistakes.

There's a question. What was my mistake? I usually answer that one last because for me, it simply means what's the mistake in my thinking that allows this to happen? Yeah. Where we've been selfish, there's a question.

Dishonest, there's a question. Self seeking, there's a question. Frightened, there's a question. There's 5 so far. Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person entirely.

K? Where are we to blame? That even has a question mark after it. There's 6. The inventory was ours, not the other man's.

When we saw our faults, we listed them. There's 7. Where am I at fault? And it seems nitpicky, people tell me. The difference between blame and fault, one has to do with my action, one has to do with my thinking.

And I'm so sick. I really need to know all the way down the line because I'm gonna make amends for this based on this. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly, and we're willing to set these matters straight. Having done this and fist stepped it, a remarkable thing happened.

It began to happen when I wrote it concerning that federal narcotics agent. The truth was I brought him to my house with a hand engraved invitation. My actions made me his job. The guy that hired me to do the job, bringing that dope across is the one that turned us in a couple months later. He was on my list also.

That's a good reason to kill somebody from that world. Turned 5 of us in, and he set the deal up. In doing that inventory, I realized that I knew he'd do that. He was a snake to start with. I just figured I was slicker and faster and smarter and could beat the system.

Couldn't even be mad at him. But I take a look, and I stand ready today. I don't look for that federal agent, but I did him a terrible wrong. I put him in a position on one day of his life where he almost shot a 4 year old kid. My actions did that.

What a terrible wrong I've done to him. I still don't like him much. I haven't invited him to dinner. Wouldn't if I could find him. K.

Still a crappy way to make a living, but I put him in a position I owe him at least the acknowledgment that I was wrong, and I really, really wish I hadn't done that to him. He's gotta live with that, you know. He knows what he did. He almost shot a 4 year old. He knows that.

I did anything wrong. What a wondrous thing. I'm free of that. If I ever meet him, if he ever shows up in my life, he and I'll talk about that. I'm free of it because I'm ready anytime.

If I don't ever meet him, I could still clean up and set the matter straight because I've told you about it, and I've told hundreds of other people about it. And I'm clean from it. But it's that that's that heavy here. That's all there is to resentment inventory. I get a new mind.

I get a new look at life. Time to begin. Okay. Uh-oh. It's getting close to bedtime.

That's all the technical stuff I can stand. Okay. The rest of it, sir. I'm gonna spend about 10 minutes just kinda easing this out of here tonight. We can do more in the morning.

We're gonna be here about 10. It's been interesting for me because this is all brand new way of doing something, and yet it's it's old at the same time. Having completed that inventory and the fear inventory, and that's a separate format I'd like to show you in the morning. It's bloody simple, and it's surgical the way I was taught to do it. It.

In essence, it simply says we put down what the fear is and ask ourselves why we had it, and then I get to look at what I'm trying to get out of the deal, where self reliance is failing me, where I'm busy assigning you roles, gives me a great piece of news. I'm in the world to pay the role God assigns, and so are you. And my fear has always been that you wouldn't play the role that I assign. I'm busy assigning roles to you and to me. One quick piece of your inventory.

I'll just give it to you quickly. It's one you all got. I was this is the one I wrote. I was afraid of being without money. I'm to ask myself why, and there were 5 more fears based on that.

When I do fair inventory, the base fear, I'm afraid of being without money. Well, what'll happen if I'm without money? Well, my wife will leave me. My creditors will yell at me. I will lose everything I've got.

They will prove I'm a failure. My wife will stay, but she'll be earning all the money and she'll be down on me all the time. Yeah. That's what I did too. By that time, it really looks pretty funny.

I'm simply not trusting and relying upon God. I put in what what am I trying to accomplish? My wife will leave me. Well, I am selfishly trying to keep her around because I'm okay if she's with me. My creditors will yell at me.

Well, I'm selfishly trying to have everybody like me, even people I don't know. I'm afraid I won't respond to their yelling correctly. Blah blah blah blah blah. It's a simple thing. I have some over here if anybody wants to look.

These yellow pages in the back are little inventories I carry with me. But the good news in the fear inventory is the most powerful prayer and one of the most greatest awakenings I ever had. The world is filled with people who are afraid and have problems. We have medication and psychiatry and all kinds of things to help people learn how to cope with fear. You know I don't have to learn to cope with fear.

Okay? The prayer says, God remove this prayer from or fear from me and direct my attention to what you'd have me be. I had one of those burst of light deals one time saying that prayer. It doesn't say what would you have me do. It says direct my attention to what you would have me be.

And it suddenly hit me that I am no longer what I do. No wonder I've been afraid all the time. If I am my job, anytime I'm not doing my job, I am nobody. If I am the folks I'm hanging out with when I'm not with them, I am nobody. I'm afraid of losing all that.

I'm not my house and my car and I'm not the money in my pocket. I'm none of those things. If I am what I do, I'm always at risk because when I can't do it, I am nobody. Wondrous thing. So what does you want me to be?

I'm really not sure yet. I know he wants me happy, joyous, and free, and I battle that. I mean, a little of that's fine, but this is pretty serious business here. What would you have me be? And it isn't what would you have me be that'll put me in the history books.

We're not talking about a single event that makes me be somebody. What would you have me be today? I am told clearly what that is, kind and tolerant in my view toward others, with a genuine tolerance for other people's ideas and opinions. Those are some things he'd like me to be. He would like me to be of maximum service to God and to my fellow man.

That's what he'd like me to be. That's what it says anyway. And that's what my experience tells me works when I'm doing that. It seems to be right. That's what he'd like me to be.

He wants me to be me, so my style is unique. I get along with almost everybody in AA. All the different factions, and there's a bunch of them. I don't have any problem with that. Everybody's got their own style.

It's just a matter of style. That's all it is. And I've got mine, and you've got yours. So let's have some fun with it. What would he have me be?

Each day I'm gonna find that out as he reveals through me what he'd have me be. When I was 40, he had me be something that I don't have the strength for today. He wants me to be something else today. I have been a father. I have been an uncle.

And I I are a grandpa. What? Six times over now. Plus my other family. What would he have me be?

He would have me be on time. It's one of the things I've learned. God would like me to be on time because that's the only time anything can happen is when you're on time. If you're late, it ain't gonna happen. Okay.

I had some fun the other day. There's a time when it's important to believe that God got me a parking place. Early on. Okay? You you gotta let go of that pretty soon though, but but there's a time it's important, because it seems that's what happened.

Nothing ever went right in my life and all of a sudden I got a parking place. Okay. There's a God of parking spots. And I was taking a friend of mine to lunch at Dario. It's a place in Denver for those who have serious garlic deficiencies.

Italian restaurant that you can smell for 3 miles. Good food. Never any place to park for blocks. But we got my van, drove up there anyway, and as we pulled up in front, somebody pulled out in front, right in front. And he's new to the program.

He said, isn't that nice? God got us a parking spot. And I had to tell him the truth. No. He didn't.

We were just on time. If we'd have been 1 minute sooner, we'd have driven right on by it. If it would have been 1 minute later, the guy in front of us would have got it. We were just on time. So what would God have me be?

On time, here, now, present. This is when it's gonna happen. You can tell I play with my mind a lot. It won't shut up. So I let it think about these things.

I want to be effective with you and everybody I talk to, and I constantly ask for images that will convey what I'm talking about. God would have me be attentive, not self absorbed, but attentive. If I'm going to be of maximum service and help you meet your needs, I better pay attention while you tell me what they are. Otherwise, I'll start I'll find out what her needs are, but I think they're yours, and I'll try forcing them on you, and we won't get along at all. He would like me to be attentive.

One of the things I know God wants me to be, and I think it's funny, is he has made me a listener. It's one of the things he wants me to be as a listener. And then you ask me to talk all the time. Well, thinking about that has given me a wondrous experience. I listen to me.

I'll try it sometime. Hear what you say. Listen to me. And I'm overwhelmed sometimes with the things that I hear me still say that I didn't know. Where did that come from?

What a fun time that is. God would have me be patient. Really, really patient Because my time may not be your time, and I wanna be there when you get there on time. I may have to wait for you a little bit. I need to be patient.

That's a hard one. I'm really impatient. Having been touched by the hand of God, I want you to be touched too. I want it so bad, I'll sometimes smack you with it. Instead of being patient and waiting for it.

God would have me be loving. Really don't know the dimensions of that yet. It's too big for me, But Wesley Parrish gave me one thing I can understand about it. He said, love is the active concern for the growth and the welfare of that which you love. I can get that piece of it.

Active concern for the growth and the welfare of that which you love. I'm actively concerned that my granddaughter grow up healthy. By actively concerned, I mean, I touch her. I talk to her. I lift her.

We play. K. I'm actively concerned that she knows that she is cared for and cared about. This one is gonna be a talker because she's being raised by talkers. K?

And I've learned to listen to her. I'm learning a new language. That's a lot she repeats some of those sounds. It's gotta be a language of some sort. God wants me to be a listener.

It's now 10 o'clock, and I think God wants me to be quiet. Okay. Those of you that I haven't drawn pushed completely beyond your endurance limits, We'll be back here at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning and wrap it up. I, I am deeply touched by you. I've got about 6 hours of stuff to tell you.

I got about an hour and a half left to do it in. So if you show up at 10 o'clock, we'll do that. Some really good stuff about life and death, particularly about death because I just went through with my dad. Some good stuff about death. Nothing at all wrong with death.

Depends on how you live. Good night. Good night. Good night. Thanks, darling.

Thank you. Stay The, I was able to do those first two inventories while I was contained. It was 2 years before I could do a sex inventory mainly because I couldn't remember much. Most of my adult sex life had taken place in my head. True.

It just took a while. There's some really sick things. I, I ate YMINE inhalers and shot speed and Some pretty sick stuff. And it just took a while for a healing to take place. So I can just take a look at it objectively because our sex inventory, if you'll notice, is very objective, very clinical approach.

We're not going to say right or wrong. We're not going to say if you harmed anybody. And precisely, how did you harm people? It's a conduct inventory. So I learned to do it as a conduct inventory before I did it as a sex inventory.

The questions are pertinent to business conduct, to my conduct at home, to any conduct that I'm involved in, these questions are pertinent to that. Am I arousing jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness? Am I being self seeking, dishonest? It helps me examine all of that in terms of my conduct. And, of course, my conduct always comes from my screwy thinking.

When I finally got it done, it fit on a 3 by 5 card because this had mostly taken place in my head. I walked away amazed that I'd never had children. More of an accident than anything else. That's not funny. This picture was real funny.

There's a little twist here I'm going to pass on to you. It's a little different at this point and can be than the resentment inventory, where you make a list and then you go through the spreadsheet. This says, whom had we hurt? And if you'll ask that question with an open spiritual mind, the list will develop itself. It's just a little shift in what's going on.

It makes me responsible and more of a participant in the examination I'm giving my life. Whom do I hurt? Bad question. If you ask that question having said the prayer and are now in a spiritual state of mind, you will get the answer. It asks another question.

What should I have done instead? First time we're being asked to to ask what should I have done instead? And that question always the answer for me is always just about anything but what I did. What should I have done instead begins to set me on the path of reconstruction and developing a new view, both toward my sexual ideal or any other ideal. I deviate a little bit from book only in that it talks specifically about sex here because when we first come here, we need that specific.

But this is so much broader than just sex. This is every relationship I have can be run through this test as a guide to my conduct. It's brutal. I have to become responsible for the fact that I know the difference between right and wrong. I'm just weak.

Okay. Just weak. We subject each relation to this test. Is this selfish or not? Shit.

Of course, it is. And with that knowledge then, I can modify my behavior and my attitude in such a way that maybe my selfishness can be part of the greater good. I've learned over the years practicing this in critical situations with people. There's 3 questions I ask myself. First one is what do I want out of this?

What is my personal agenda? I have one. I better know what it is. It's not a moral judgment. What do I want out of this?

At my very best, I want something. I wanna feel good. I wanna be recognized. Whatever it is. What do I want out of this?

The second one is a mean question. Is it possible that I could be wrong? Of course it is. This puts me in a frame of mind of being willing to listen to you. I could be wrong.

It's pretty doubtful, but I could be. At least I will listen to you. Human relationships are about negotiation most of the time. It's just an observation. We each want something, and we negotiate so that we can both come out winners.

If we're smart, if we're stupid, I wanna win, I want you to lose. Or I want you to win so I can lose because I learned in World War 2 who really won World War 2. What kind of a car do you drive? What kind of a TV set? Where who made that one?

Who owns downtown Dallas? K. Anyway, we start to mold our ideals and help us live up to them. Help me with this. What a great prayer.

I recognize that I am selfish, and I will probably do something wrong without some guidance. Help me mold this relationship. Now one of the things that comes out of that in the old days, everybody had to love me and I had to participate in everything, blah blah blah. You know, busy busy busy people pleasing. The fact is today that there are people that I like to go fishing with and there are people that I like to go bowling with and I've learned not to take my bowling partner fishing.

It doesn't work. There's people that I will go to a play with. There's people I won't go to dinner with. I will go to lunch with females other than my wife. I will not go to dinner with females other than my wife because there is something going on there.

Is it selfish or not? What am I trying to get out of this? That's what I asked myself. And it comes out of here, am I being selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate? Great God.

This thing is really simple for me and it's all wrapped up right here. Every situation in life is wrapped up right here for me. Whatever the ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. All I bring to life is willingness. That's all I bring.

If I bring anything else, I'm bringing my agenda to the damn thing. I'm just willing to listen. To let it come about. To be a little less than selfish. Admitting I am really a selfish person, I'm willing to be a little less than selfish.

If you can just show me how. So it says we treat sex as we would any other problem. I'm gonna take the word sex out and read that. We treat any problem this way. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter.

There's no general rule. There's only a principle. Each specific matter. Now there's a guide. Let me get real personal.

There's one of the guides to being married for me, each specific matter. I was brought up with this idiotic notion that just because she's my wife, I have proprietary rights over her body. What a bunch of crap that is. Each specific matter, day by day, one day at a time, each time, it's a new deal that needs to be negotiated. And I can tell you, negotiating with my wife is fun.

Okay. There's the guy. K. And an interesting thing came out of that for me. I discovered that there are nights I have a headache.

Isn't that interesting? I'm not super stud. There are some other things in my life that are at least as interesting to me sometimes as sex. That'll blow your image, but it's the truth. And they're not all major propositions.

Sometimes I would rather watch Hogan's Heroes. I know. Keep coming back, Don. Do you hear what I'm saying? Each specific matters.

I ask God for the right answer and the answer will come if we want it. Well, I really want the answer. That's the key. I am willing to hear the answer. Knowing full well from my experience on this deal that most of the time, I probably won't like it when I first hear it.

It'll be okay afterwards, but not right away. K. Great guide. Very simple. It's all about prayer and meditation.

Having a conversation with God, and I learned that by having conversations with you. Conversations is a two way street. When it's my turn, I speak. When it's my turn, I shut up. You speak.

And then there's those wonderful times, and the reason we're still together, my wife and I, is because we have learned how precious those times are when we don't talk to each other. We just kinda hang out there. And that's what my meditation is about. We'll get to that. I'll get off base here.

The principle of life are settled here for me if I will only listen. And the inventory is so that I can listen. It clears out the noise. If I'm not focused on what I should be getting and what I am afraid I won't get and what I'm afraid you'll get, blah blah blah, then I can hear. To sum up, once again, he says, we earnestly pray for the right ideal.

I've watched with great amusement over the years as people misconstrue that to think, what is she going to look like? What's the ideal one? It's not what it is. The ideal has to do with my behavior. Yeah.

That's fun to watch it happen. The idea was tall, wellaway, and blonde, and guess who shows up? Short and dumpy. And she's gorgeous. And you get all confused, and they don't know what the hell is going on.

I just let them run them up. For guidance in each questionable situation. What is a questionable situation? Anything I'm involved in. It's easier that way.

Yeah. If I'm involved in it, it's questionable. It means it needs to be questioned. What do I want out of this? Is it possible I could be wrong?

And that third key question, is it important enough to do? But mainly, what will be the effect on those around me if I pursue this course of action? That's a great question because I seldom ever have an answer to it. Because I don't have an answer, I usually slow down. And once I slow down, then I can begin to hear again and get the guidance.

Simple stuff. Those are the street terms of what's coming out of this book. In each questionable situation, I ask God for guidance. Isn't it silly to go to someone for advice and then not listen to them? Is that silly?

We do that in prayer all the time, you know. God show me what to do. Be back later. I'm gone. Okay.

Gotta sit still long enough to hear the answer. Let me get real practical about it. As a result of a number of things, what was it? A couple years ago, I had ballooned up to £215. And I tried dieting and eating right and all, you know, all the disciplines.

They don't work. I feel deprived. Where's mine? It just doesn't work. And I finally got smart one morning.

And in my morning visit with God said, look. I'm uncomfortable. This isn't good and it ain't healthy. Would you please just show me how teach me how to eat in such a way that I can get to whatever weight you think you ought to be at? Because I always had targets.

I went to work, and I had some kinda trash rolls with me and offered one to my boss. He said, no. I'm not doing that this week. I'm on the soup. I said, what are you talking about?

Oh, he showed me that cabbage soup regimen that's all has for heart patients who are about to have surgery and they lose some weight quickly and healthily. I'm not an idiot. I've been here a while. I had just asked for direction. I just got it.

The next guy I met gave me the direction. So I started the soup. Made it makes my family crazy. Cabbage soup stinks. But I lost £30 and kept it off.

I've been down in Louisiana twice in the last month and a half and I put 10 ons back on. But the point is, I asked for direction, and I brought with it a willingness from that from the moment I asked the prayer for of direction, I stay aware because I know it's coming. I expect God to answer. That's the deal he and I made at the very beginning. His care and protection, he will give me guidance if I ask for what I expected.

What he expects is for me to listen. No big deal, but it's that practical. I met her through prayer. I had finally gotten through adolescence. I was 42 or 43 years old.

Finally made it. I lived at the base of a 14,000 foot mountain, Mount Princeton in Colorado. The Arkansas River was my front yard about a half a mile away. I worked 6 hours a day at the reformatory doing what I loved, working with inmates. I had 2 teenage boys, an old black dog and a white Siamese cat, and my life was really pretty good.

We went fishing when we pleased, and we just kinda did what we pleased. We were as close to barbarians as you can get and not get locked up in this country. And I clearly said to God one morning, thank you very much. I'm really satisfied. I don't care if there's ever another woman in my life, but I will do whatever you have in mind.

Did the deed. Because 2 weeks later, when I came over to Denver through a series of wonderfully romantic circumstances, I met her. We are people who normally would not mix. She'd never even seen a real alcoholic. And I'm convinced today, had she known me when I was active, we would not have even visited for a minute.

I have intuitive thoughts sometimes. And I was in Denver and it just overwhelmed me to go see a kid I'd sponsor. I hadn't seen him for a long time because this is a 120 miles out of town and I couldn't shake it. So I went to see Jimmy, and he went white. I found him at work.

I didn't even know where he lived. I found him at work and he went white. He said, I've been looking for you. I was hoping you'd show up. I need to have you do something for me.

My wife works for this lady. And I said, Jimmy, don't do this to me. She said, oh, come on. My wife works for this lady, and she thinks you 2 guys ought to get together. And I said, Jimmy, don't do this to me.

He said, please. Just get Vi off my back. You don't have to marry lady. Just have dinner. Well, I did.

And, we've been married now coming up on 21 years without a fight. The prayer was I'm satisfied as I am, but whatever you have in mind is better than what I have in mind. And it wasn't an easy choice. For the first time in my life, I'm in a conscious, well thought out decision. Being in love wasn't enough.

It was good, but it wasn't enough to uproot my entire life and my boys and uproot her family. She had 2 little girls. It wasn't enough. Because what we concluded was that we either had to stop seeing each other or make a lifetime commitment out of this. 1 or the other.

I went back to the mountain and thought about it for 3 days and prayed about it. I looked over all the stuff I'd have to give up. You know, there's always self involved. You gotta get to it. I married Jackie because I became willing to grow old with her.

That's what they do. It. K. I'm willing to grow old with her. We travel well together.

That may not sound very romantic, but it's been the basis of a pretty good deal. Our home is God centered. And it's no big deal. It's not full of ritual. Well, it is right now because our daughter is a young Catholic, and she does this kind of thing all the time.

I don't know what's going on. But it's alright. In fact, it's fun to watch the grandson because when we say grace at dinner, they're all doing this, and I don't. I just it's not part of my ritual. I pray with them, And I every night I watch him.

He's watching me. He's trying to figure out how come I'm not doing that. I seem to be doing everything else. Why am I not doing that? And I'm not gonna say a word.

Just let him figure it out. Someday he'll ask me, and I'll have to tell him the truth. I don't know. I just don't do that, I guess. For guidance in each questionable situation for sanity.

I can pray for sanity. I pray very specifically for things And I have to ask myself, what does that mean to me? Well, the definition in the book Alcoholics Anonymous is the one I use. It's simpler. Insanity is defined as lack of proportion and the ability to think straight.

So it's defined in the story about the car salesman named Jim. So we call this plain insanity. How could such lack of proportion and the ability to think straight be called anything else? So the only reference I have for sanity is that there will be proportion and I'll be able to think straight. So that's what I prayed for.

Serenity is one once I have for sanity is that there will be proportion and I'll be able to think straight. So that's what I pray for. Serenity is one thought at a time. I'm praying to keep my mind clear. We all tend to get caught up, I know I do, in my emotions being what's real.

They're created by my mind. If I try to run my life based on how I feel, I'm usually screwed up pretty good because that isn't what I'm doing anyway. It's what I think that caused me problems. Grant me sanity. Here.

Grant me proportion. How important is it? I'm an alcoholic. Lack of proportion is easy for me to understand. I rarely ever get angry, but I go from mister cool to killer rage just like that for really important reasons.

Fear is something that I'll pay a quarter for. I get on a roller coaster and get the adrenaline cooking. What I like is terror. That's got meaning. I can go from quiet to raw terror that gets me out of bed so I'm gonna work.

There's no proportion in it. If one works, take 10. That's really not very smart, but it's smart to me. That's how I think. No proportion.

K? I'm lonely. Get 2 girls. Can't even handle 1. I didn't have a car in high school.

I had an image. I had a maroon 49 Mercury convertible with leopard skin seat covers. I got that car because I knew it would 2 put 2 blonde girls in the back seat, and it did the first day. That's who I was. The girls broke the top the second day, and I didn't want the car anymore.

And I just did what I do, let my dad take care of getting rid of it. Lack of proportion and the ability to think straight. So I pray, give me some sanity, some proportion. K. On a very practical level, this becomes an awareness deal for me.

If I start using profanity, it's a guide for me. It tells me whether you feel it or not, Chump, you're starting to get angry. Slow down. Get some proportion. It's unnecessary.

If I yell, I'm already out of control. Okay. God never yells at me. Why would I yell at you? And why would I ever yell at a child?

Well, I do. Damn it. That's when it's time to back off. It's my god. I'm automatically wrong.

I can be absolutely right. And if I'm yelling at you, I'm automatically wrong. It just irritates me to know that. Proportionately, I don't need to think straight. I ask for that.

What can I bring to this situation? Not a bad guide. And for strength to do the right thing, that's the basic AA prayer. Now we've all gotten spiritual. We've all gotten wisdom.

We know what's wrong. We know what's right. Oh, now what? I don't have I can't do it. What an order.

I can't go through with it. Do the right thing? Grant me the strength to do the right thing. Basic prayer. Danny, you're new.

You wanna know how to pray? Just ask for guidance and direction and and strength to do the right thing. That's where you start, and that's where you end. After all this work, that's where we ended up, isn't it? Not a bad guy.

It works. If any problem is very troublesome, whether it be sex or work or money, if it's very, very troublesome, our answer is we throw ourselves a harder into helping others. That's the answer. Whatever the problem, we go help somebody else. It takes us out of ourselves.

My problem is always self. We hope you're convinced that God can remove whatever self will has blocked you from it, and that's what we're talking about here. So I got that done, the first two pieces of inventory. It was a shabby one. It was a short one.

It was a little one. I didn't have much memory left, but it was this way. Some of the inventory I carry, you'll notice it looks pretty much the same, and it spans a number of years. Haven't changed it much. There's a couple times that I have to put in after the 3rd column why is this a threat to me, just to clarify things.

I usually find it out afterwards. It's not important. It's just a little thing I do. But I finished this deal, and I've got to tell you, I wasn't about to go back to my sponsor with them. Remember he had told me that's garbage.

Get away from me, and I'm taking no chances. Just gotta do it again. And, so I used the book as a guide. It says in there there's a principle. It says such parts of our story we tell to someone who will be unaffected, they're they're talking specifically about a different deal, but there's a principle there.

So I looked around for someone who would be unaffected by what I had to say, and I picked a fellow named Jim who had come into the program the same time I had. He's as new as I was. And there was another funny thing going on. It was a feeling I could not identify. I knew that somehow by me telling Jim about the garbage of my life, his would become better, and he really needed to have something happen for him.

Jim was the first one in Colorado to be doing time. He's doing 3 to 5 for vehicular homicide. He had done what every one of us in this room has been terrified we would do someday. In a drunken blackout, he killed some people with his car. He had no memory of it.

He didn't know that as a truth, but he was doing time for it. I knew what I would have done. I was there because I've done what they said I'd done And I belonged there. He was baffled Because he didn't have any memory of it And I knew somehow that this would make his life better. So I did my fist step with Jim, and he never said, oh, that's not that bad.

He said very little that day. He listened to me. And when I'd run diet dry, he'd poke a little bit, And we stirred some stuff up that wasn't on the paper that we went ahead and got rid of. And I had an incredible experience that day. I stopped being alone.

Up until that point, the only way I can describe it is that there was me and whoever I needed you to be. None of you were ever real. And somehow that afternoon with Jim, it became me and Jim in that room, and he was separate. He was himself. He wasn't who I needed him to be.