The Springtime in the Ozarks conference in Eureka Springs, AR

Hi, everybody. My name is Lee and I'm an alcoholic. And it sure is wonderful to be back in Arkansas and here in Eureka Springs and to be able to come and participate at the silver anniversary, the 25th Annual Springtime in the Ozarks Conference. Thank you very much. I appreciate the committee and Mike's phone calls and letters.

And Lloyd, a really good friend of mine spoke here last year, Matt Gee. And right after Matt got back, I called him up and said, tell me all about it. And he said, oh, you had a fantastic time and how great it was to be here and everything. I said, who else spoke? He told me, you spoke.

And I said, well, I guess that's one of those committees that likes to have at least one rotten, nasty, stinking, sorry, low down alcoholic on its program. He said, yeah. I said, well, that's just great. And about a week later, I got a call from Lloyd. And now I'm convinced.

This is one of these kind of outfits that likes to have at least 1 rotten, nasty, stinking, sorry, low down, scumbag, lying alcoholic, my kind of alcoholic. And I really do appreciate your invitation to having me here. I've got a lot of friends here this weekend and it means a lot to me that Joe and Charlie are out here tonight. They know how much I think about them and Scott and Linda And what a talk Linda gave today. Man, if you missed that Al Anon talk, you can still get that tape.

That was absolutely fantastic. And Jean, Jean and I quit saying amen a long time ago. And it's good to see Marcy from the Western Club. And Larry is a special friend of mine. Larry is the only guy that I know from my past that's sober.

And we've got a friend that we just both love. And we don't know what happened to him. And I was talking to Larry today about that. And Larry said, I guess, everybody just loved him too much. I said, boy, that can happen.

But it's always so it means so much to me to see you here in Alcoholics Anonymous and doing well. And I love you so much. It was good to see Rick and Kay to do a fine service for Alcoholics Anonymous. David A. Said there's 3 kinds of alcoholics, drinking alcoholic, sober alcoholic and dead alcoholic.

And today, I am a sober alcoholic. And I know and there's no doubt in my mind that the only reason that I am sober is because of a program called Alcoholics Anonymous. I tried everything. I when I drank alcohol, I could not control the amount of alcohol that I would drink. And when that caused me enough trouble, I quit forever.

And I found out that I could not quit. And I was licked. And I could not do it without your help. And Alcoholics Anonymous has given me full provision, a complete program that I know that can keep me sober for the rest of my life. And I love Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I love you. And I know that I cannot make it without you. My sobriety date is November 20, 1984. I did not pick that day. If I could have picked when I would have picked a better day than that, I would have picked Christmas or the 4th July or something like that.

But who gets to pick their sobriety day? That's one of the things we don't get to do around here. I picked a whole bunch of them. They just didn't date. My Home Group is the central group on the corner of Highway 50 and Broadway in Downtown Orlando.

We have 51 meetings a week. Just to give you an idea of the character of my home group, I was down in Vero Beach a couple of years ago sometime back and I attended a meeting and the topic was the gifts of sobriety. And the first lady shared, she said, serenity. And she talked about serenity and how much it meant to her to have peace of mind and to be able to relax and be content and be satisfied within herself and stuff. Next guy shared, he said integrity and what it meant to him to be able to hold down a job, meet his commitments and be where he says he's going to be and do what he says he's going to do.

Next lady shared, she said fulfillment, how much it meant to her to work with other alcoholics and what it meant to her to be significant in the lives of other people and things like that. And I said, boy, what a fantastic topic. When I get back to the Central Group, I'm going to bring that topic up. In my first opportunity, I was at Central and I said, we're going to talk about the gifts of sobriety. And the first little lady over here said, gee.

Guy over here said, early for roll. Fellow over here said, pants. The one next to him looked at me and said, dry pants. And you would love the Central Group. And if you're ever in Orlando, please come and visit us.

I had a thinking problem a long time before I had a drinking problem. My earliest memory in life as a child is laying in bed at night and having imaginary conversations and practicing these conversations and thinking that if I say this kid maybe they'll say this back to me and when I go to school tomorrow, I'll try this out and I would go to school and I would try these conversations out that I practice in an effort to try to fit in with others and to communicate with others. I was someone that always felt less than inferior to and fearful of everything and everybody around me. And as a result of coming here to Alcoholics Anonymous and receiving the education that we receive here, I can identify my problem as complete self obsession. I was just obsessed with myself and the complete self centeredness that we have.

And of course, we have an answer for that today. And today I know that when I walk into a room, I have tools that I can use and I can look around and try to find some way I can make a contribution to whatever group. Maybe it's in business or shake someone's hand and try to do something for someone else, make someone else feel comfortable. And I can immediately get out of that, but I didn't have any tools then. And there was always some kid around who was just perfect in every way, just seemed perfect.

He would dress nice, he made good grades, the teachers all loved him. He would say appropriate things, he had blond hair. I just hate this kid's guts and I was really mean to him. And I'd like to say I grew out of that, but I didn't because when I was in junior high, I played football, basketball, baseball, ran track in an effort to try to fit in with a group of people. And I was big, so I could play all these sports.

They used to teach me and tell me Lee, you were born big, you were born on 18th, 19th 20th June, so I could play all these sports. And I made some accomplishments. My football team came in all conference 1 year. I came in 4th place in a 20 mile marathon once and the 3rd place in a 440 yard dash in a state event. But in spite of these accomplishments, they were not sufficient for me to overcome this problem I had with myself.

And there was always some guy on the team who would never drop the ball and he was just perfect in every way it seemed like. And the teachers all liked him, he always got the girl, had blonde hair. I just hate this guy's guts. When I was in high school about 15 years old, I became very interested in girls. And I live with my grandparents.

The reason I live with my grandparents, my mother and father had a lot of trouble. I've lived long enough to make a lot of the same mistakes that they made. And I understand it so much better today. But living with my grandparents, they're in the community we lived in. There was a little girl that lived nearby that I was just nuts about.

And she was just gorgeous. And I would see her I'd be at school and I would know that I would see her there at school. And I would be talking to a buddy of mine maybe in class, we'd stand there talking and she would walk in the room where we were at. And she would come over maybe to stand right next to me. And out of the corner of my eye, I could just kind of see her skin.

I could see her hair. I could smell her. My mind was start racing. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. I'd have to run out the door.

I couldn't stand to be in her presence. And we would have these ball games after these dances in the gym after the games and stuff. And I'd be there and I'd be at the dance and I'd see her there. And I would look over at her and say, here she is. Oh, wow.

I love her so much. She's so good looking. I'm going to go talk to her tonight. Tonight, I'm going to talk to her. I'm going to ask her to dance, dance.

And I'm going to hold her in my arms. And we're going to walk outside and walk in the moonlight. And I'm going to tell her I love her. And it's going to be great. That song would end and I'd say, well, maybe after the next song, I'll ask her the dance.

And that song would end, I'd say, well, maybe after the next one. Then some guy with blonde hair was walking with their hands and everything. Screw the whole deal up for me. You know, I'd be at my grandparents' house and I'd peek through the windows and I'd watch as she would drive home, you know, and she was a couple years older than me and was a cheerleader a car. And she'd get out of that car with those pom poms and run inside her house.

And I look at her and go, wow, one day, one day. And it just never came. I guess I would still be that kind of guy today. I would still be someone that was just unable to communicate or to anybody. But one day a magical and wonderful thing happened to me when my grandparents were gone.

A buddy of mine came over with 2 bottles of Broons Farms Strawberry Hill. And I drank one bottle and he drank the other one. And in a matter of 10 minutes, I was standing out on the roof of my grandparents' house screaming out my declaration of love, you know, for this love. All that fear was gone. I felt like I was 10 foot tall and bulletproof, omnipotent.

And that's the way I always wanted to feel. And I stood up there and I just screamed out, you make the sunshine, you make the stars come up at night. And just when my grandfather came home, he dragged me off the roof and put me in bed. And when I came out of that the next day, I said, oh, boy. And I found what I've been looking for.

And I made this point, drink alcohol, every opportunity I had since then. And I was still in school. Me with my buddies on the way to school in the morning, we'd pool our lunch moneys and you get a case of Boone's Farm for $7.20 And we would start drinking on that first thing in the morning. Fly away until evening to feel so good. And we would have it in lockers and see the cars and stuff like that.

And you don't get to drink that way in high school and not get into a lot of trouble. So, of course, I immediately started getting into a lot of trouble. And I drink a lot and I loved it. I thought it was a compliment. People would come to me and say, boy, you sure drink a lot.

And I say, oh, thank you. I had an unquenchable thirst for alcohol. I had an unquenchable thirst for alcohol from the very get go. Go. I don't know when I became an alcoholic.

All I know is that I added alcohol to my body. And alcohol did something special for me from the very beginning. And I would lay out for 2 or 3 days at a time and worry my grandparents. When I come home and my grandmother would say, Lee, where have you been? I've been worried sick.

Why don't you call us? We just want to know if you're alive or dead. And I would sit with my grandmother. And many, many times I've sat with my grandmother and she throw her arms around me and be crying. I'd say, that's it grandma, no more.

It's those guys I'm hanging out with, it's their drinking, it's what's getting me drunk. And I'm not going to do it again. On the 1st day would be okay and the 2nd day would be okay. And on that 3rd day I'd be pacing the floor back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Walk outside, walk around the house 10 times, come back in.

My grandmother would say, Lee, are you hungry? Can I fix you a sandwich? I'd say, get off my back. Stop watching me, you smother me, you bother me. How do you expect me to have any kind of life or go anywhere or be anybody with the way you treat me and I just boom, blow out the door.

And I did not know that when I would leave that I was headed toward a drink alcohol. I did not know that. And I would go and I would drink and that alcohol would cure that madness. And I could be a piece again. The guys I hung out with, they wanted to drink the same way I wanted to drink.

We didn't have any money. And so, we would steal. And I know that when I first started stealing, it really bothered me. The men in my family did not steal. That was not my example.

The men in my family worked and took care of their families and were responsible. So when we first started stealing, boy, I felt real bad. But later, I learned to just accept it. And still later, I got to where I just loved it, you know, and I wanted to steal something from everybody. And, I was when I was 16 years old, I was a juvenile for it.

My grandfather heard about that and ran down there and said, oh my God, we've got to help that boy. And when I was 17 years old, I was in civil court. My grandfather heard about that and ran down there and said, oh my God, what will the neighbors think? When I was 18 years old, I would walk down the road where my grandparents lived. My grandfather would see me and run inside the house screaming my grandmother, oh my God, he's coming back.

And he'd run inside and warn my grandmother and grab his tools and his guns and start locking those things up and hiding those. My grandmother grabbed her purse and her jewelry. By the time I would hit the door, she'd be clutching her purse to her like this and my grandfather standing with his arm with a portable television set. And that was the last place I would ever go. I would go there when I was just sick and hungry and dirty and tired, no place left to go.

But I would go there because I knew my grandmother would feed me and I could just try to regroup. I drank until I had to get sober and I stayed sober until I had to get drunk. And I do not know why at such a young age, my life became that kind of a life. I take a meeting every Wednesday night into a men pathway facility. And there are fellows there, young men, young men, 22 23 years old that have been drinking 7 8 years just the way I had been drinking.

And there's an invisible line for each and every one of us. Mine was just very early. I was one of the sicker quickers, I guess. When I was 19 years old, I caught my 1st prison bit. I was not ready.

I thought I was pretty tough. I'd had a few fights in those alleys. I was green. I was very green. For you that have been, I don't have to tell you.

For you that haven't, take my word for it, you don't want to go. It's no picnic. Every so often, I'll hear some tough guy out here say something like, boy, if anybody down there will mess with me, I just whip their butt. Well, guess what? That's not the game down there And they're not playing with your butt.

And the first thing they did was give me a job that I didn't want that I couldn't quit. And they worked you down there. The half a day of those people is 12 hours. And I said, my God, the I made a fantastic discovery there too. You can get anything you want in that place.

And I hooked up with my buddies and that's how I spent my time. And alcohol helped. It would make that place durable. Many, many, many times I've said to say to myself, if I ever get out of this place, I'm going to get a job. If I ever get out of here, I'm gonna go to work.

I'm going to be the man that my grandfather is, and I'm gonna make everybody proud of me. And the day I got out, my grandparents picked me up, and I could not have been happier. I was filled with joy. I was free. My life was gonna be different.

I knew I'd never have to have an experience like that again. And we were driving down that old highway and I looked down the middle of the road and I saw those stripes. And I thought to myself, what are those there for? And I know those means something. And I could not remember what the stripes down the middle of the road were there for.

And it seemed like just one thing after another like that was happening. And my second day out, I hooked up with a pile of Jose Cuervo. 2 weeks later, I was with the same guys doing the same old things. And 2 months later, I was back in again. And you could take the next 12 years of my life and just stick them in the garbage can because I was in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out.

Every time I got out of jail, I thought I was free. Every time I got out, I said I'm never going back. I just want to be a regular guy. I just want to have a job, have a car, live somewhere, have some clothes, maybe go to school, have a girl friend, what I thought anybody could have. But I'd get out and I'd have a drink and I was back in there before I knew it.

And I was absolutely clueless. Alcohol to me was not a problem. Alcohol helped. Alcohol would help me stay together. It helped me forget.

It helped me to pull together another day. I took a job on the river, 30 days on, 15 days off. I made it 28 days. I wanted to kill everybody on that boat. I'd go into my quarters, I'd sleep with a pie.

I'd say, if anybody comes in here, I'll kill I'll kill you. And I jumped the boat at 28 days, got just as drunk as I could get, call those people back 2 weeks later and just begged them for that job. Of course, they wouldn't give it to me. There's always people that want to help us. Somebody suggested to me, Lee, what you need to do is get married.

You find you the right woman and she'll sell you down. And I know this is hard to imagine and you've really got to stretch your imagination here. But believe it or not, there are women who are looking for guys that don't have jobs or cars, drink a lot of alcohol, and sleep with fights. And I found me one of them. And she broke 13 pairs of glasses right off of my face the 1st 18 months we were married.

She's never heard of Al Anon. She was more like an alligator. I was watching Oprah once. Oprah asked the lady, what is it when a man strikes a woman? Lady said, that's an abusive man.

Oprah asked, what is it when a woman strikes the man? Lady said, that's a woman standing up for herself. My wife stood up for herself. You know, I get a job. I get a job.

I said, man, I'm gonna make it every day. I'm not gonna miss a minute. And I would go in there and I'd really try and really try and I'd make it all week and I'd get that paycheck on Friday and boy there's something special about a Friday drink. And I'm not going to do it again. I know I'm not going to get into the trouble I had last time, before I joined that bar and I drag in 2 or 3 days later again and I try again, I get another job and make it Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, oh boy, hump day.

I'm not going in that bar to get drunk. I'm just going to have a couple, I've got to unwind. I'd have 1, 2, 3, I'd never remember 4, not drag back in again 2 days later and she wouldn't understand these things. One time I was speaking with her, I said, Honey, I know I haven't been the best husband. But I want you to know one thing, I'll never abandon you.

Does she pack all her stuff and left? I moved all over. They said Lee, go someplace else, start over. I said that's it. Happiness is Arkansas on the rearview mirror.

I went to Michigan. I went to Oklahoma. I went to New York. I went to Texas. I went to Florida in an effort to start over.

And the first couple of times I knew that it would be better. I knew it would be better when I got to Oklahoma. I knew it would be. But the last couple of times I moved, I didn't expect it to be any better at all. I just had to get out of town.

I went to the 1st meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous I ever attended in New York City. My wife had left. Most wives when they leave, they go to the other side of town or move in with their mother or something like that. Well, she didn't do that. She went all the way to New York.

She wasn't planning on coming back. And I found out how to contact her and I called her up just you know, when she would leave, I'd say, good. Get lost. Who needs you? But a couple of weeks later, boy, I'd get hungry And, man, the rent would be due, and this guy, boy, I'd really start missing her.

And I called her up and just, baby, we can't throw away this love we've got. We've got all this love happening. And she said, if you come up here, you're going to have to do what I tell you to do. I said, anything. And I jumped in the car and boom, 23 hours later, I was in New York City.

I jumped out of the car and I ran in the apartment building. I grabbed her in my arms. I said, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. It's going to be great. We're going to be so happy.

She said, Lee, if you stay here, you're going to have to go to AA. I said, you rotten witch. How we're going to make it with your attitude. That's how I got my first meeting about all this anonymous. It was in the basement of the church.

We walked in, the meeting had already started. It was just like this, just not as many people. There was guys standing up there speaking. We walked in and just before I sat down, I looked over at him. I knew he was a liar the second I saw him because he had blonde hair.

Why wouldn't listen to that guy at all? And anyway, after the meeting, 2 men came over to me and talked with me and really tried to reach me. And they talked about their drinking. And all my life, all I'd ever heard from everybody I knew in my family was Lee, we don't understand. We don't understand.

We don't understand. We don't understand. And I was talking with this guy and I shared a little with him and he stopped me. He said Lee, we understand. And I've never heard anything like that before in my life.

It scared me when that guy said that. And I took a couple of steps back and I just listened to this guy talk about Alcoholics Anonymous. And he said that his family was together and they were happy. And that his life is working and all these wonderful things about Alcoholics Anonymous. And I told this guy, things have got to get better for me because they just cannot get any worse.

And boy, I was wrong. And I did not know that this was a progressive illness and that it always gets worse. When long after that, I moved down to Florida. The last 3 years of my drinking, I know it's only by the grace of God that I'm here at all. I cannot tell you how many times emerged vehicles came out.

I have a hazy memory of flashing blue lights or red lights, somebody picking me up off the ground, my head being busted, okra police trying to strike me out somehow. The last 3 years of my drinking, I tried everything anybody ever suggested I could think of. I checked into a hospital once. I didn't have a nickel worth of insurance. I begged these people, please help me.

You got to help me. And they took me and 3 days later, I was kicking that nurse's desk and cussing her out. You better let me out of here right now. And I walked straight out of that place and got as drunk as I can get. My wife took me to a minister, she counseled with us and talked with us, prayed for us and things.

We went to this big huge crusade deal. And we went 3 nights in a row. And each night I sat in the top of the back balcony, back of the top balcony there. And at the end of each one of those services, they would say, if anybody here needs God's help, God wants to help you, and if you'll come down here, someone will pray with you. We know God can help you.

And each night, I would walk from the back of the top balcony all the way down the front, and I'd pray with anybody that'd pray with me. And I was serious. And I wasn't trying to con my wife or fool anybody. I really meant business. And I knew I needed something.

I knew I needed help. I knew I needed God help or something. But I was drunk in a very short time anyway. I went to a psychiatrist. I paid her $55 I told her the truth.

I told her everything. I told her about my drinking. You know, I told I talked about the violence in our home. I told her about all my illegal activity. God, everybody knows you're gonna tell them that stuff.

She said, okay, okay, it will be fine. You see, it will be all right. You just come back, call me, come back next week, everything will be great. I walked out the door, I just heard the call, a lump, that dead bolt. She locked the door immediately as I walked out.

I probably scared that woman to death. She probably prayed more that hour than she had in a long, long time. My last really bad drunk, I came to on the living room floor. There's glass all over the floor. I pushed the television set through the window.

My wife came back to get some more of her things. And I was talking with her and trying to get her to listen to me. But she had it. And as she was leaving, she reached into her purse and took out a little piece of notebook paper and just zinged it to me. And I unfolded a little piece of notebook paper.

And what it was, was a prayer. And someone had written someone had taken a piece of notebook paper and written a prayer in pencil and given my wife, trying to encourage and help her. And for the next 2 weeks, I just laid up in that apartment. And I'd read that prayer over and over and over again. And I did not know where to go.

And I did not know where to turn. It was 2 weeks later that I was captured again and I wound up in the Seminole County Jail down there in Central Florida. It was there that I was separated from alcohol and I was sick, very sick. 21 days worth of sick. Every day they take me out and arraign me on more charges.

I very often we come and peered alcoholics anonymous, unwanted, unwelcome anywhere. I was not unwanted. I was wanted. I was wanted in Orange County, Volusia County, Seminole County, New York, Arkansas, Missouri were very interested in me. I must have been pretty interesting guy.

I had charges in front of 5 judges. One of my senate, his judge leaned over to Benjie and said, I just finished you every year I can give you And I'd give you more if I could. And you are despicable. And when I got back to my cell block, I found a dictionary and I looked that word up, despicable. It said worthy of being despised.

And I said, I know that. I've known that all my life. That's no secret. I've always felt that way. I didn't know anything at all about being through with alcohol.

But I knew one thing, I was through with me. I'd had all me I could stand. And I couldn't stand another second of me. And I think why was I born? Why was I even born?

You know, why live here? You know, I'm not close to another human being. I don't have I don't have anyone that's interested in me. Why even be here? My grandparents, every move they made in life, every thought they had was in some kind of effort to try to make me happy.

And they could not make me happy. My wife, every thought she had, every move she made in life was in some effort to try to make me happy. And she could not make me happy. Every thought I had, every move I made in life was in an effort to try to make me happy. And I couldn't make me happy.

And I thought life didn't mean anything. It wasn't going anywhere and what's the use anyway. I heard there were meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. They're available in the Seminole County Jail. And remembering the understanding I'd once found, I thought I'd just go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

A guy by the name of Jerry W. Would bring the meetings in every week. Jerry never been in jail. He's just an AA member that wanted to go to jail. And I've been in a few jails.

And I know that only God's people go to jails. And I can appreciate anybody that work in facilities or institutions today. And I love Scott's talk so much last night. I'm here today. I know.

I'm here today because a man came to a jail. Jerry came in there to save himself. But Jerry would bring a meeting in every week. And he brings somebody with him. And Jerry would get up and he'd open the meeting up.

And he'd talk a little bit and he'd have this other guy get up and this guy would tell his story. And I'd listen to these guys and they talk about their drinking and they talk about a solution that they found in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I just went week after week after week after week after week. I didn't know if AA was for me or not. But I was certainly looking for something.

They shipped me over to Orange County Jail, get some charge over there. Well, I couldn't wait to get those. And they had a meeting about all economics and I went to that meeting. And I went into that meeting. There was a guy standing up there and he was speaking.

He's a black guy. And now this is the guy that done time, serious time. Boy, he really got my attention. And he was talking about his life and his drink. And then he started talking about Alcoholics Anonymous, what Alcoholics Anonymous meant to him.

And as he spoke, he had the book Alcoholics Anonymous with him. And as he spoke, he would just wave this book over his head like this. And I looked at that book and said, my god. That's a big book. You know?

They'll never get me to read that big book. But this guy he talked and he said that his life is working and he didn't have to drink one day at a time. And he found a real answer and a way out for him and all this kind of stuff. Anyway, the next night, they asked if anybody want to go to the library. And I wasn't the biggest library kind of guy.

We didn't hang out around libraries. But I said, I'll go to the library. And absolutely no reason at all. I wasn't thinking anything. And I just went out.

And there are 33rd Street, Orange County jail there. Went to their library. And what it was, was just a big room full of books. And you walk in for no reason, for no reason, I turned to the left and I walked right up to the books. And right at the end of my nose was the book, Alcoholics Anonymous.

And hopelessness makes this a very exciting book. Alcoholism, losing and failing and doing everything but dying makes the book Alcoholics Anonymous very exciting read. And when I got back to my cell, I opened this book up and I started to read. And I saw my life. It was just like the last game game for me.

I remember reading in the 3rd chapter 2 paragraphs about a jaywalker. And I said, this is me. This is me. This is me. And I connected with Alcoholics Anonymous at that time, I believe.

I I continued reading through the book and I came to page 63 and I found a prayer that's set in a dark apartment for 2 weeks and read over and over and over and over again. When I saw that prayer, to me, it was just like God himself was speaking to me. And I thought, all the meetings I've been to and all that I've read and the prayers I've said, I think the combination of all those things, is that I began to have a desire within to try to make alcoholics anonymous work for me. And I wanted it and that was 16 years ago. And I want to tell you this, I want it today.

And I want it more today than I've ever wanted it before. And it's more important for me today to do the things contained within the pages of this book than ever before and unite with you people than ever before. And I've been different since that day. And when they shipped me back to Seminole County Jail, I came back ready to do whatever it took to be one of you. And I was giving for Jerry, and I said Jerry, just please tell me what to do, tell me what to do, tell me what to do.

And Jerry said Lee, I cannot tell you what to do, but I'll show you what I did. And Jerry pointed me again to the book Alcoholics Anonymous and said Lee, we have a program. Jerry said, he told us all, all the guys that read the meeting. You fellas, they're not going to be 90 meetings in 90 days where they're taking you. You're going to have to have the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Jerry said, I can't promise you a good job. Maybe one of these days you'll get a good job, maybe you won't. I can't promise you a wonderful relationship, maybe one of these days you'll have a wonderful relationship, maybe you won't. He said, Lee, what we can promise you that if you would do the things in the book Alcoholics Anonymous that you can have a relationship with a power greater than yourself that can make your life 90 wonder. And I talked to several new people just before the meeting tonight.

Man, I'm so happy to know that there are so many new people here at this conference. I think it's tremendous that we had some people that are relatively new in sobriety get up and read tonight. I know I had 5 years of sobriety. I got up to read something once in my heart. I felt like it was going to pound out of my chest.

It's an absolute miracle that you guys were able to get up here and stand correct the whole time. But I want to encourage you new people. I would go to Jerry and I'd say Jerry I'm a goner. There's nothing that can help me. I've tried it all.

If you're in this room tonight and you feel that way, if you've exhausted every avenue of hope, if there's no place left for you to turn, if you've used up everybody, every resource, if there's no place left for you to go, that makes you an excellent candidate for sobriety and Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'd get both Jerry and say, Jerry, I don't believe I can do this thing. I'm not smart enough to do this thing. Jerry, I've never even read a book. And let me assure you this too, this deal is not dependent on individual skills or abilities or intelligence that you may or may not have.

This deal is for everybody. This truly is God's deal. We come in here with what we've got and a whole lot of what we don't have. We do the best that we can do and my best was just like that. But when I applied my best to this program, God took this and he made this out of it.

And I see him do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I can't explain it. I don't want to explain it. All I want to do is do it. Alcoholics Anonymous will not work for people that need it.

Alcoholics Anonymous will not work for people who want it. Alcoholics Anonymous can only work for people who do it. I heard a story recently that really is the best 3rd step story I've ever heard. The especially pertinent for you new people here tonight. It's about a family and they were laying in bed and they were asleep and all of a sudden they heard crash, boom, bam, and they woke up and they raised up in the bed and they just had the room was filled with smoke and crashed their door to their bedroom came falling down and firemen ran into the room with our goggles and mask on and carried them, picked them up and were grabbing their children out of the other rooms and ran outside of the house through the flames and everything.

And when they got outside they looked around and one of their children was missing. And they looked upstairs, there was just smoke bellowing out of this room, this window from the child's room. And the father called up and said, son, son, son. And he'd hear, daddy, daddy. He'd say, come to the window, come to the window.

And he could just see his little arm stick out of the window through that smoke like this. And he said, son, jump, jump. And the son said, father, I can't see you. I can't jump. I can't see you.

And the father said, jump, son, because I can see you. Let me tell you if you're in this room and you're new and you hadn't done the things in this book yet, I want you to know that your house is on fire. Here is a way out. Run for it. Run for the door.

If you're new, I want to encourage you, don't waste any more time. How much more time do you think you have? And is what you're holding on to really worth dying for? I'd like to tell you, I got down to business with the plan of recovery in this book. Jerry, he led anybody that was willing to do it through the process of recovery in this book.

And I did the best that I could do with each these steps where I was at including the amend steps. And I had plenty of time to do it there. I'd like to tell you that when I went before the judge, when I told him all about AA and how well I was doing, he just looked at me and said, well, that's great. You can go home right now. That did not happen for me.

He said, we're going to give you a little something to help you think about what you did. He gave me some time and I got my first two years of sobriety in a correctional facility. And I look back at that today and I thank God for it. I needed every minute of it. I needed every day of those 2 years off the street.

And God used every second of it in my life. But when I've got to my final my permanent camp, it's been 2 weeks since I've been in the county jail and seen Jerry, it's been 2 weeks since I've been to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, had contact with another member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And when they brought us in off the bus, we're all chained together on the bus. And there was a guy in there mopping the floor and I said, hey, did they have AA here? And he goes, yes, I think there's a meeting tonight.

I said, oh boy. And they put us in a cell block and they said, you men are all in orientation For the next 72 hours, we're going to keep you here isolated in population. Everything you do will be in here and we're not going to let you mix with anyone else. I said, man, I wanna go to that AA meeting tonight. And I watched 1 guy walk over to the CEO, and he said, I need to go to the telephone.

I need to call my attorney. He said, no. I said, wow. I wanna go to that AA meeting tonight. Another guy walked over.