The Freedom Group of Alcoholics Anonymous in Mesquite, TX

Everybody, my name is Tom Pick. I am a recovering alcoholic. Hi, Tom. How you guys doing? I was kinda in my face here.

I've been sober since June 13, 05. Been sober a little bit over a year. And I'll I'll talk a little bit about about my war story or I won't even go into a war story, but talking about that stuff, it it's just it bores me to death when I talk about what happened before I got to AA, because it's it's really it's no different than anybody else's story. I don't have any cool stories to tell. I was never a big drug dealer.

I've never been to jail. I've never had a DWI. There's there's a lot of stuff that that that never happened, but there's there's some stuff that did happen that that makes me imminently qualified to be in this program. I I started drinking when I was I was really young. I was drinking on a daily basis by the time I was 12 years old, and it it got so crazy and so out of control that by the time I was almost 15 years old, I I got sent to my first psychiatric hospital, drinking.

11 months later, I'm spending 20 months in another psychiatric hospital. So from, you know, from almost 15 to to 18, I'm in hospitals as a result of my drinking. Now what what they're trying to treat is is, you know, depression and bad teenage behavior. What whatever the hell I had, that's that's the angle that they're they're approaching me from. They're they're trying they're they're telling me if if I just, you know, talk about all this stuff that happened in my past and resolve all these issues, you know, my parents' divorce and, you know, failing in school, and my mother's alcoholism, and all this stuff that that somehow it'll get resolved, and and I won't drink anymore.

I'm thinking, yeah. Okay. We'll we'll give this a try, but I, you know, I don't wanna stop drinking. So long story short, you know, I I I get out of this last one. I'm almost 19 years old.

It happened to be down in Austin, Texas, and instead of moving back to Chicago, where I grew up, I stayed in Austin, which was pretty much, you know, the scene of the crime for me. Things just got I mean, I I had some catching up to do when I got out of that place, and and and if I didn't get caught up, it wasn't my fault because I I tried. And and things just got unbelievably nuts. You guys know how it is, you know, writing bad checks, losing relationships, losing jobs, losing money, emergency room visits, you know, the whole 9 yards. All that stuff that that happened to you guys happened to me too.

And I ended up in this treatment center up in Chicago because I I couldn't get sober in Austin. And I called my dad, and he flew me up there, and I went to this place. And I spent, I don't know, 27, 28 days in this, this hospital up there. And after a couple weeks, you know, I'm pretty much detoxed, and I'm feeling better, and I'm, you know, I've got some strength. My head's starting to clear up a little bit.

I've I've gained some weight, which at that time I needed. And and by the you know, after a couple weeks, you know, we're having a great time in this place. There's a big place, about a 100 patients, and we'd we'd play poker every night down in the basement. It wasn't a it wasn't a basement basement, but it was a finished out bottom floor of the hospital. And we go down and play cards and and just have a great time.

And when I left there, I went back to Austin, went back to, you know, my little apartment and my little job down there, and started going to meetings. And, I love the meetings. You know. I I got there and I'm feeling pretty good, full of piss and vinegar, real excited about life, and and you guys pretty much tell me the same stuff that I've told a lot of people, you know. Go to 90 meetings in 90 days, think through the drink, put the plug in the jug, all this stuff that we tell each other, that's that's what I heard.

And so, you know, here I am. I'm I'm I'm relying on meeting attendants and thinking through the drink to stay sober, which, which I'll explain later. Pretty much, it works up until it doesn't work anymore. It works perfectly until it stops working. I had no idea what step 1 meant for 17 years in Alcoholics Snoms.

I I I stayed sober 17 years and had a relapse, back in, o four. So my understanding of of step 1 is I've got a drinking problem, and when I drink, bad stuff happens. Well, I just got out of this treatment center. I hadn't drank in a month, and guess what? The bad stuff stopped happening.

It was gone. I'm thinking, oh, this is great. Problem solved. I'm not drinking. None of this crazy stuff's happening.

Things are great. And I like the meetings. I I like going in and hearing about everybody's problems and and all the stuff that they're talking about. It's it at first, it was kind of interesting because you you never know what you're gonna hear in one of these, you know, discussion meetings that I was going to, or I like to call them open depression meetings because that's, that's pretty much what what I was jammed full of. And but after a while, I got tired of this stuff.

I got tired of listening to people talking about their cats dying and their divorce, and Sally Sue's pool boy putting too much chlorine in the pool. I mean, you you name it. I'm I'm dying. I'm I just I can't take the stuff anymore. And so I'm, you know, I'm staying sober.

I'm I'm making a a half assed attempt at the steps. I was told that I that I had taken step 1 before I even came in, which wasn't true. I was told that, you know, to stay on step 2 until I believe in God. Never happened. I I had the obsession to to drink and do some other stuff for 15 months in Alcoholics Anonymous.

It it never went away, and I I prayed about it. I would leave the meetings thinking that I'm just I'm different than these people because I'm not getting it. You know, I'm still thinking about drinking, and these people are happy. Like, you know, what what the hell? What's, you know, what's the matter with me?

I thought I thought that that I was really screwed up, and you guys were just kinda, you know, disco drunks who had a, you know, had a few scrapes with drinking. But, you know, once you quit, everything's cool. I'm I'm staying sober, and and I'm getting worse. I'm gonna talk about some stuff here, and and I know this is this is tough talking. It's it's tough to hear when when I was sitting in AA for 17 years trying to, you know, make it from meeting to meeting.

Man, that this stuff would have just made me nuts listening to this stuff. But but what I learned after I got sober and hooked up with some guys that, that, you know, really felt this big book and took me through the steps to exactly as outlined in the book, I learned that that there's, you know, there there's hard drinkers, and the book talks about on page 2021, and and there's real alcoholics. And I didn't understand what it meant to be an alcoholic the whole the whole time I was here. You know, my my flimsy definition of step 1 is what I'm I'm betting my life on to keep me sober, and I'm betting my life on meeting attendance and thinking through the drink. I've got no clue what it means to be powerless over alcohol.

I just kinda you guys told me I was, and I said, okay. I am. And that was it. And and what I learned was that, you know, when when we say that we're powerless over alcohol, that our lives become unmanageable, means something way different than what I ever thought. See, I I owned a big book.

I was I had a $10,000 one. That's what treatment centers cost back in 80 7. And, and I own I I had a couple. I've I've picked up another one somewhere along the way. It was in my house.

This information has been in my house for for 20 years almost, and and I never bothered to pick it up. I mean, I read it once, kinda interesting. I had no clue what I was reading, and nobody ever sat me down and explained to me exactly what we're talking about. Let me let me just kinda show you what I learned in this last year or so. In in the doctor's opinion and you guys know who doctor Silkworth were.

He was Bill Wilson's psychiatrist or alcohol doctor. Back then, the only thing that they could do for people like us was to sober us up, try to make it comfortable, and then send us on our way, and and hope for the best. That's all they had going. And and doctor Silkworth started seeing these chronic alcoholics coming back and coming back, and it was just an absolute revolving door. These guys weren't making it, and so he he formed an opinion, which has later been proven to be medically true, scientifically true.

He says that we believe and so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. All an allergy is is an abnormal reaction. Is anybody here allergic to Penicillin? What happens if you take Penicillin? Breakout.

You break out. If you come into my house and I got penicillin in my medicine cabinet, do I gotta lock it up around you? No. Most people don't react like like he does to penicillin. He reacts differently than most people.

It's an abnormal reaction to Penicillin. It's the same thing with alcohol. Chronic alcoholics, real alcoholics, the way we respond to alcohol when we put it in our bodies is we crave more alcohol. Says the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. Normal people do not experience this craving for alcohol.

What do they do when they put alcohol in their bodies? One drink, maybe 2 drinks, and then they start to say crazy stuff like, I'm starting to feel this. I feel tipsy. I think I'll stop now. And and we're just we're just baffled.

I mean, I I I cannot relate to I don't even know what tipsy is. Tipsy is for me, tipsy was like a 10 second period that I passed right through. And, you know, on my way to to something bigger and better than than Tipsy. But that's what these that's what happens to these people when they drink. Alcohol is a poison.

They they they feel sick. They they they stop drinking because it doesn't feel good. For us, our bodies react differently. We crave more alcohol, which explains why I can't decide, okay, I'm gonna go out and I'm just gonna have 10 drinks. You know?

I'm gonna have 10 drinks, and I'm gonna stop at number 10. It never worked for me. Even when I was young. This it it never worked for me. I could never control the amount that I took because of that craving.

Once I've got alcohol in my body, I'm craving more of it, and and I just I can't stop. In fact, I mean, if if I didn't pass out or fall asleep or get arrested or something interrupt that that process, I'd I'd drink myself to death. If I could stay awake long enough, I I would drink myself to death because of that craving. Says these allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all, NyQuil, Vistrine, Sterno, you name it, rubbing alcohol. Our bodies don't know what's on the label.

Our bodies react to the alcohol. That's it. And once I have informed the habit you gotta take that? No. That was a mistake.

Once lost having lost of self confidence, the the reliance upon things human, the problems pile up and then become astonishingly difficult to solve. I had problems pile up on me that were that were astonishingly difficult to solve. And and these were these were small problems. It's like, you know, I've got I I need to fill up my gas tank. I need to I need to find a way to to scrape together, you know, a buck and a half for a pack of cigarettes, which I'm I'm kinda dating myself.

I quit smoking 15 years ago. I know they're, like, what, $9 a pack now, $80, something like that. Anyway, that's the first part of of step 1. The our we are powerless over how much we drink. We have no power over controlling our our drinking.

The other part, which, which really kinda shocked me when when I learned this stuff and when I really thought about it, is that, you know, if if it were just a physical problem, if it were just a physical allergy, the the answer would be what I was doing. Just don't drink. If you don't drink, you cannot crave alcohol. It can't happen. The craving that we experience is a physical craving.

No booze, no craving. It's that simple. The problem is, how do I keep from that first drink? I could never do that. I could never decide I'm done drinking and then and stick to it.

With the with the talent that's here in this book, do you guys have a book? No one does. I'll read it to you. There's some italic writing on on page 24 of the big book. And if you guys don't have this underlined in your books, go home and and look at this.

It says the fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called willpower becomes practically nonexistent, says we are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. My experience is this is the most important paragraph in this whole book right here. This is the this is the paragraph that that saved my life this time around.

The people that I that I made friends with and that I was going to meetings with and that sponsored me, man, these people all loved me. I'm I'm positive that I love them. They're the greatest people in the world. I'm still I'm friends to them, with them to this day. They they met well with the help that they offered me.

They thought that they were doing the right thing, but the truth is when when they were telling me to go to a bunch of meetings and to think through the drink, I was getting some pretty bad advice. And when I was telling new people to do the exact same thing, because I was told to just do what what was done to me and and teach people what I've been taught, I was killing alcoholics. The truth is, right here in this paragraph, is that, you know, thinking through the drink doesn't work. I can remember all the crazy stuff that happened to me when I was drinking. It couldn't keep me sober.

My own war story couldn't keep me sober. I I could remember the stuff, but I couldn't remember with sufficient force to keep me sober. When I learned this last year, it scared the crap out of me. Because I I thought that that if I just, you know, if I just get clear of the booze, get detoxed, get a, you know, get a a few weeks distance between me and the last drink, then I'd be able to think through the drink, and and remember how bad the relapse was, and stay sober. This book this paragraph totally contradicts what we've been telling people in Alcoholics Anonymous for years.

The truth is the group I was going to, we didn't talk about the big book. We had, you know, 3, 4 meetings a day, pretty much discussion meetings. We had a a big book study on Sunday nights. Our big book study consisted of reading a paragraph out of the big book, closing the big book, and talking about whatever you wanted to talk about. You were asked to stick to the topic, but if you don't, that's okay because you can talk about whatever is bothering you too.

It doesn't matter as as long as you participate. That's what our big book study was in in my group. Our primary purpose wasn't necessarily carrying our message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Basically, we didn't have a message. Our message was go to meetings.

If you have a problem, bring it here. We'll help you solve it. And and our primary purpose was pretty much trying to find enough chairman for all the damn meetings we were holding. We're we're sending a message by having all these meetings that the meetings are important and and that you need them to stay sober. And and we we're gonna have them all day long so that whenever you need to stay sober, there's gonna be a meeting for you.

I've studied I've been studying this book for a little over a year, and there's there's nothing in this book about AA meetings. Back in the day, what they were doing was they were they were working the steps, and they were carrying the message to the alcoholics. They weren't they didn't have a meetings to start with. And when they did have them, people had worked the steps before they got to come to the meetings. And so they were spending their time looking for people to work with instead of hanging out in AA clubs playing dominoes, waiting for a new person to show up.

That's just what was going on back then. That's when they had a, you know, 75% success rate. Today, you know, in Dallas, Texas, based on our chip sales, you know, the desired chips, 1 month, 2 month, 3 month, and all that, based on on those numbers, you got about a 5% chance making it a year. We tell people to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. You got a 15% chance of making it 90 days.

What can anybody tell me what happens on day 90, you know, or day 91? What what what's supposed to happen then? Is it just that we're we're used to AA, or or we feel comfortable? Back in in the beginning, what these guys were doing is they were taking people through the steps quickly. One day, 2 days.

Doctor Bob was taking people through the steps in a couple of days. His second day sober, he's out looking for drunks to work with. Bill Wilson, would it take him 7 days, 9 days, something like that? All these guys, you know, 2 weeks tops, maybe 30 days tops, and then they had their spirits experience their their entire psychic change, and they're out carrying the message. It was the coolest thing.

What are we doing today? I know what I did when when new people came up to me. You know, I I used to stand in the meetings at the end of the meetings with, you know, 14, 15 years sober and and there'd be a new guy in the room because we'd asked at the beginning of the meeting if there was a new guy, then he puts his hand up and then we tell our war stories for an hour thinking that we're gonna scare him into staying sober. And then after the meeting, I'm standing there. I'm thinking, god, please don't let this guy come up and ask me to be a sponsor because we'd all gone around the room and given our sobriety dates.

I happen to have a lot of time at that time, and and I was an easy target. Please don't let him ask me to be a sponsor because I don't know what to do with him. But then there's that other voice inside that says, well, never say no in AA. If someone asks you to do something, you do it. So these people come up to me and ask me to be their sponsor.

What would I tell them? Well, I'd I'd tell them what was told to me. Sit tight. Go to 9090, and we'll take our time with this thing. There's no rush.

It's it's not a race. It's a marathon. Blah blah blah blah blah. And and the truth is is I didn't know what to do with the guy. I didn't know how to take these steps out of the book.

And and I was just hoping that that he'd make it and he'd stay sober for that 90 days and forget about wanting to do the steps. So that way, I wouldn't have to admit that that I didn't know what the hell I was doing. And and most of the time, the guys didn't make it. And, you know, shame on me for that. But that's that's what I was doing.

That's what what was done with me. And, the truth is is that I didn't know what was in this book. I had no clue. No one ever sat me down in the beginning and and explained to me exactly what my truth is. What my truth is is that I've got a a mind that can't keep me from the first drink, and I've got a body that can't keep me from the second drink.

There's you guys have any hope in that? There there's no hope. If if I had learned that from the beginning, I would have had a reason to take these steps. But when I got out of that treatment center and I'm feeling good, there's no reason to take these steps. Why why mess things up?

Why why inflict, you know, any torture on myself talking about my past and stirring up my issues and and all this stuff? Why even bother doing that? There's a guy named named Paul who I think he's from Arizona, and he wrote this thing. And if you guys want a copy, I'll be glad to email it to you. Just stay with me after the meeting.

I'm not gonna read the whole thing. It's kinda long, but it's called Reflections of Step 1. And and what he's writing about is is basically his experience with step 1. Says my experience and attitude with steps 2 through 12 is simply a reflection of what I experienced in step 1. If I am honest with myself in step 1, I cannot escape the truth.

I cannot escape the reality that there is nothing I can do to keep myself sober. I will see that I am guaranteed not to drink again. There is no hope in step 1. I will digest the truth that I do not have the power to choose whether I will or will not drink. Relying on my memory of suffering to keep me sober is no longer an option.

My better judgment and greater intellect will not produce a mental defense against the first drink. As a result of experience, the first step rather than it being an intellectual exercise, which is what it was for me when I was told that I'd already taken step 1 before I came in. I'm in touch with my powerlessness at a gut level. This tends to produce discomfort. This discomfort is a gift.

This very gift promotes a desire to seek power, which I do not possess. This discomfort is not to be confused with fear being the motivation to stay sober. That's what I used to stay sober. I was scared of all that stuff that was was con I thought would happen again. So I'm relying on fear, meeting attendance, the the suffering of that I experienced at the end of my drinking.

To rely on fear to stay sober is dangerous for the day will come when the fear will disappear, and then there will be no reason for me to stay sober. That's some pretty tough stuff there. I had 17 years, and I remember sitting in a I had about 15 years, and I'm sitting in a meeting. It was a men's meeting. It was a discussion meeting Saturday morning, me and all my buds.

There's about 40 of us. A bunch of us would always go out to breakfast afterwards. Great fellowship. Great guys. Love them all.

And and we're sitting in the meeting. The chairman starts with a topic. I don't remember what it was. Maybe gratitude or, you know, what she did over the weekend. I don't know.

And and he starts calling on people. And and the topic kinda changes every time someone else talks, because they're they're talking about themselves. And and it gets around to me. I'm, like, maybe the 5th or 6th guy, and then they're calling me. And I'm thinking, I I don't have anything to say.

I hadn't been practicing in my mind what I was gonna say in case I got called on. So I'm I'm unprepared. I gotta say something. And so I introduced myself, Tom, alcoholic. Hi, Tom.

We go through all that stuff. And then I tell him, I said, look, you know, I don't wanna scare any newcomers, but I gotta tell you guys the truth. I am dying in Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm gonna drink again. It's not gonna be today, probably not next week, probably not even this month, maybe not even this year.

But I'm headed in that direction, and and I don't know what to do. And the rest of the meeting, they kinda shared at me. You know, we don't we don't cross talk, but we can sure share with people. You know? We can reference what they're saying and and and make it sound like we're not cross talking.

Anybody am I the only one that's ever done that? So that's that's what these guys are doing, and and they love me. And and they come up to me after the meeting, and they're, like, giving me hugs and tell me that, you know, man, I'm glad you shared that. And you know what you need? Say what?

Here it comes. You need to go to more meetings. I'm thinking I'm screwed. I'm absolutely screwed. I my meeting attendance for that whole 17 years was high.

I never had a period that I I wasn't going to meetings. Never happened. I was afraid that if I quit going, I'd drink again. So I'm going no matter what. No matter how much crap I have to listen to in our meetings, I'm there because I don't wanna drink.

And and these guys are telling me I need to double up, and I'm like, if that's the answer, I can't do it. I can't. I can't double up anymore. I can't take this stuff anymore. I can't I just I can't stand it.

The the truth is is is when when when we're in meetings let let me just I might I might lose a few people here. I know it's I've already lost half the room, and and this and that's okay. We don't have a right to say whatever we want in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. We we don't have that right. Our our primary purpose is to carry the group's message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

And and if I'm gonna use a precious meeting time, precious time to help that new person talk about me, I'm being a selfish SOB. And and if you guys are permitting me to do that, no one's cutting me off, you need to take a closer look at the traditions and think about why we're really here. Alcoholics Anonymous is for sober and up drunks. That's it. That is what we're here for.

We can't handle. We're not equipped to deal with with our everyday problems. That stuff gets taken care of on page 84 in step 10. I've tried it. It works beautifully.

That that's not why we're here. Now over on and I know you guys have heard this part a 1000000 times. So selfishness, self centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, self pity. That's what I'm doing when I'm dumping my crap in a meeting, self pity. We step on the toes of our fellows, blah blah blah.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out ourselves and the alcohol is an extreme example of self will run riot. Says above everything, we, alcoholics, must be rid of this selfishness. Why? We must or it kills us.

If we don't get rid of the selfishness in in step 4, 5, 6, and 7, We identify it in 4. We talk about it in 5. We get ready to ask Scott to remove it in 6, and we pull the trigger in step 7. We die. So what are we doing when when we permit someone to come into our meeting and and take up time from the newcomer who comes here looking for the solution and engage in selfishness and and self centered behavior by talking about themselves.

We're kinda permitting them to to do something that can kill them. Think about it. I did it. I I I sat there for years. Never said a word to anybody.

Never said, hey, man. You know, quit being a Bogart with this meeting. You know, take the steps. Do something about this stuff. You're wrapped up in yourself.

All you think about is is yourself in this meeting. And and and you think that we're here to fix your problems. I'm an alcoholic. I'm I don't know how to fix these problems. The book's real clear on this stuff.

If if we do the work, God will solve our problems. I've got I've got all sorts of reasons to go to therapy based on, you know, traditional reasons, you know, childhood issues, all this other stuff. That stuff does not haunt me anymore. You know, if you look in the promises and the 9th step, and there's promises all over the book, I've what what I've experienced as a result of working the steps is I don't regret the past. I don't sit here in meetings perseverating on all this crap that happened to me when I was a kid, and I don't wish to shut the door on it.

That's that's been my experience. When when I do the steps and I do this work and I'm carrying the message to other alcoholics, that stuff in my past that I need therapy for is not bothering me. It it's not holding me back from anything. What what happens is is I've I've taken these steps, and I've tapped into a power greater than me that not only, you know, doesn't let that stuff pull me back, but it pulls me forward. It it motivates me to go out and carry this message.

The 17 years I was sober, I spoke one time at an AA group. That's it. One time. I was asked a 1000000 times, and I always had some excuse for not doing it because I was I was scared that I would have to come up here and try to remember my war stories, which I couldn't remember because I've got the memory of a crack baby or try to make you guys laugh for an hour, and I didn't think I could pull it off. One time, I'm in New Orleans.

My wife and I went there to hang out, and, this friend of mine, Danny, from Austin, knew this guy named Michael from New Orleans. He says, give Michael a call and and go to meeting with him. I was like, okay. Gave Michael a call, and, Michael shows up with a bunch of his buddies, takes me to a meeting. I'm the only white guy in this meeting, and these people wrote me in.

It was it was also my 7th AA birthday, and then they pulled me in, And and I was just, like, I was, like, you know, they they were they were glad I was there, man. I mean, they they all came up to me and wanted to know how things were in the program in Austin, and and and we're just you know, they're just the coolest people in the world. And then they find out it's my birthday, and they asked me to speak. Okay. And and I'm I'm I'm coming up when when you're at the meeting and they're asking you to speak, you can't tell them that you got something else you gotta do.

You know? It doesn't work. I'm I I rode there in their car, so I'm screwed. And and somehow, I I made it to that meeting. They all clapped at the end.

I don't know what I said, but I I do know this. Whatever I said was just a bunch of bunch of horse crap. I was I was regurgitating stuff that I've been picking up in the meeting, stuff that I'd read off the bumper stickers, that I'd read off the wall, you know, all this stuff trying to just trying to kill an hour, but in front of a bunch of people I don't know. And and it was the scariest experience of my life. What's different?

Today, I got lucky enough to to find a sponsor and to find a group that studies this book and lives and dies by this book. And my sponsor sat down with me, took me through the doctor's opinion, the first 43 pages, and explained to me exactly what my problem was. That I've got a physical craving when it comes to alcohol, and that I've got a mind that no matter what the reason, it doesn't matter if if I'm gonna die if I take a drink. There's no reason strong enough to keep me sober, and that is the absolute truth. And and unless I experience an entire psychic change like it talks about in the doctor's opinion, I'm screwed.

And he didn't candy coat it. He didn't say anything about, well, since you showed up here, you must be an alcoholic. Nothing happens by mistake. All that other stuff we tell people. He hit me right in the middle of the forehead with this stuff, and he asked me, says, are are you a real alcoholic?

I said, yes. And he said, are you willing to do whatever it takes? I said, yes. We started out with these steps. And within it was less than 2 weeks, I have the steps done.

I've told people to take their time with the steps. Other people told me that. I hear it all the time in AA meetings. Take your time with the steps. Wait a year till you have step till you do step 4, because you can't handle what you're gonna write down.

You can't deal with it. You gotta let your head clear. You gotta here's the truth. You gotta if if you're a real alcoholic, your brain can't keep you from the first drink and your body can't keep you from the second drink. Working with others and and tapping into a power grid in yourself is your solution.

You got a week or a month that you can rely on your own defenses. Buddy, we gotta get you to your solution quick or or you're gonna die. That's just that's just the truth of it. So when when we're telling people, take your time with these steps, wait a year before you sponsor anybody or 2 years, that's crazy. Our solution is working with drunks.

In fact, the book tells us nothing ensures immunity from drinking as much as intensive work with the drunk. That means taking them through the steps. That's our solution. Why would we keep people from the solution? You know, what what's the deal there?

Because we we spend our time talking about our problems. That's that's that's what we're doing in our meetings. That's what we did in our meetings. I don't know about you guys, but but in our group, that's all we did. Once in a while, someone would say something out of the big book.

It was usually page 449, acceptance is the answer to all my problems. How did these guys stay sober before they had a page 449? Acceptance is kind of a result of of working the steps, but I don't have an acceptance switch. I don't have an acceptance button. When I get jammed up, there's nowhere I can go, flip the switch, and all of a sudden, acceptance occurs.

I've been listening to this stuff for years, and I'm I'm trying to I'm just thinking, well, I'm just screwed because I I can't accept things. In fact, on on page 84, it tells me exactly what to do when I get sideways with the world. When I feel, you know, resentful or selfish, dishonest, frightened, whatever, It gives me exact instructions. So that's that's what that's what I experienced this last year with with the steps in Alcoholics Anonymous. I, did anybody was anybody here ever told that, you know, for step 4, you gotta write this 40, 50 page autobiography, get everything out on paper, and all that good stuff.

I I'm thinking, you know, when I was maybe 23, 24, 25, I'm thinking, I probably ought to do this 4 step right now. Probably ought to get it out of the way because I've only got 25 years of stuff to write down. And if I wait till I'm 30 or 40, I'm gonna have 30 or 40 years worth of stuff to write down. So just, you know, for the sake of keeping it short, I'll do it now. And and I did it.

And I I wrote down all sorts of stuff. Just I I don't know what I wrote, but I I did this fist step, and, and it was it was really more like confessional. The the guy I was doing it with, didn't understand that that the whole purpose of this exercise is to identify the things that are blocking me from that power that's gonna save my life. In fact, the whole purpose of the steps, the steps are designed to remove all the things that block us from god. The the selfishness, the dishonesty, all of our character defects, we're we're not we're not doing these steps so that so that Tom can turn into a good boy.

That's that's not what this stuff's about or or make, you know, make up with everybody and and everybody can be happy. The whole purpose of these steps are to remove all those things that are blocking me from God, from my solution. And and step 4 is no different. You know, if if confessional were the solution, man, go down to the church, grab me a priest, dump your stuff, and you're done. You never have to drink again.

Problem is is that's that's not what works for us. What works for us is identifying what it is that that blocks us from god and asking him to remove it. That's it. So so step 4, we we we kill a lot of folks with them. We because we we overwhelm them with with the steps.

They're they're they think that they can't do this stuff, and so they don't do it. Who who the hell wants to fail at anything? It's a lot easier to not do it and not fail than it is to do it and fail. And what we're doing with folks is we're pretty much telling them this stuff is really, really, really, really hard. It takes a long, long, long, long time, and, good luck.

And they just kinda sit in their meetings and do their thing until they drink again, and then they die. Step 4, when when I took it, we used this this step 4 guide. It's in here somewhere. It looks like this. This is, the Joe and Charlie 4 step guide, if any of you guys are familiar with those guys.

This is their their guide. This is the resentment page. All you do is write down who you resentful at, what they did, why you pissed off, and then this part right here talks about the parts of self that were affected. Remember, self is something we gotta get rid of or it kills us, so we gotta see what it is about self that is, is getting jammed up here. And then column 4, we, we look at the exact nature of our wrongs.

When, when my sponsor took me through this and when I take people through it, I tell them, do this column, do this column, give this column a shot. If you can't do it perfectly, fine. If you can't figure out which box to check, forget about it. I'll do it with you. And then save column 4 for me, because when we're doing step 5, I can see the stuff there and you can, and we'll do column 4 together.

And we'll point this stuff out to you. It takes it took me I'll be honest. I was, playing on the Internet and watching TV. It took me an hour and a half to do my 4 step. Most people, it takes an hour to an hour and a half.

That sound better than, a 50 page autobiography? Yeah. This stuff is doable. These these steps were were designed to be able to to work them in a in a couple of days. These guys, when when they started, you know, writing the steps and and taking the steps, they they they didn't they didn't mean for us to take a year doing this stuff.

They under they got it. They understood that our solution was something that we had to get quick, and that's what these steps are designed to do. So when I'm doing my fist step, am I am I boring my sponsor to death with all the all the details of all this stuff? Man, we're just banging through this stuff. All I need to get out of that is I need to see which what it is about me is blocking me from God.

That's all I gotta do. And that that's it in a nutshell. It's nothing to step 5, when when I take the guy through step 5, depending on how much I run my mouth, it takes an hour or 2. I don't ever wanna sit through a a an 8 or 10 hour fist step like I've heard about some people doing. I mean, doesn't that just kinda make you sick thinking about that?

Or or, you know, thinking about the new guy going through that. It's not necessary. Get them to 6 and 7, send them right home. The book says we we got quiet for an hour. We considered what we've just been doing, what we've learned, you know.

Am I solid in step 1? Do I understand what my real problem is? Do I believe that that that God can restore my sanity? Do I do I believe that these other people have, have gotten sober and stayed sober through a power credit themselves? That's all you need.

Step 3, are we solid in step 3? Do we understand? If you look at the words in step 3, we're making a deal with god. Take away my difficulties so I can better do your will. It's not take away my difficulties.

It's we're telling him, you do this, I'll do this. We're making a big deal with God in step 3, and and we oh, am I prepared to live up to the bargain I just made if if he does this stuff for me? Hell, yeah. Step 4, have I left anything out? No.