Beginners Class Workshop in Naples, FL

I don't know why. That doesn't mean that people who don't have a lot of pigeons or babies, whatever you call them here, are any less successful. And, I ain't it's just that that's the way it is. You don't determine when you sponsor somebody. They determine that.

And, you just when you're asked, you're supposed to reach out. But sometimes you get it. It's almost like sometimes I go around the country and I hear it's like the guy with the most piggens wins or You know? I, I'll tell you my experience. I, sponsor a lot of people but a very but a limited number of people.

Since I do this a lot and especially at home, I'm a very high profile person in my home group. And being in this role often, it's not unexpected that a lot of newcomers would ask me to be their sponsor because I get the juice. So early on, I decided that I would never sponsor anybody who ever attended one of my beginners meetings. I did that to protect myself from becoming a super sponsor. I don't have all those question answers.

I'm not I have all that energy. I'm not the answer to alcoholism. You how do the other people share? Who do they share with? I think we all get a shot at this.

So I reached the number, and I just said, that's enough. And I no matter who asked me now, I say, no. You don't. Nope. But here's a good person that'll help you.

Here's a good person that'll help you. Because, you know, part of learning AA is teaching AA, and we learn more by the sound of our own voice sometimes than we do listening to someone else. You wanna teach? You wanna learn? You know, how do you learn?

You know how to learn? Here's the elements of learning. Be quiet. Listen. Remember what you heard.

Practice what you heard, and teach it. When you do those things in that order, you come to understand the lesson. And so my opinion is that, and a lot of people. I'm not against somebody having 300 pigeons, but I I can't do that. Now would I do that?

I said, that's fine. That's just what I say. A large group of people are gonna get up and leave. I want you to know they're not mad at me. They've announced that they have to go.

They have a deadline and they have to go. So when they get up and leave, they're just gonna get up and leave. The next question. Yes, ma'am? If you if you I'm I'm hearing a feedback from this microphone?

Yeah. Okay. The fellow will take care of it. The question was, if you have to change sponsors, how do you do that? Here's how you do that.

You talk and communicate with that person. You give that person an opportunity to explain their position. You will be surprised that most sponsors will be pleased to get rid of you. And they won't be rejected or feel bad. They'll try to act sincere, but when they hang up the phone or get home, they'll go.

We make more of it than what it is. If your sponsor is recovering or recovered, I don't know what the understands her role, her role. Your sponsor is a woman, good for you. And if if it if if it's right, it's right. And if it isn't, it isn't.

It's not the end of the world. This is about god in us, not sponsoring me, grouping me. I mean, that's important in those elements. But this is about you being in tune with something that could do for you what you can't do for yourself with the help of others. And let's not play sponsor up with God.

I mean, I think. Yes, sir. I'm glad that I know it. I'm glad that I know it. I'm glad that I know it.

I guess I'm an alcoholic who's still in a lot of, I still got a lot of hurt, you know. I guess what I what I really wanna know is is what is your opinion about help, outside of AA? Help outside of AA. What I don't I don't know what you mean. Like, to deal to deal with pain and pain.

You know the best way to deal with pain? No. Help somebody else. You want the best way to deal with what ails us? Quit thinking about what we're gonna receive and give it to give something to somebody who's less fortunate than us.

This thing works in reverse. You get in proportion of what you give. You don't just you're not sponges that we see here. One of the most wonderful things about alcohol dramas, why it grew with such a rapid pace, is people were forced to do from the 1st day in the old days. Here's how it worked.

They published a book. It got into a magazine. All of a sudden everybody started to come. You came on Monday. Tuesday, 5 more came and there were only 4 of us.

You became a sponsor. You have time to worry about what you needed. Your job was to go make a call on a newcomer. You're 3 days sober. You were distracted from your wants and it worked.

What happened is all of a sudden now, we've turned this thing around and it's like you sit around and you receive. Well, what do you do? It's like, what's the time you get tired of waiting to receive? The old time AA people tell you, get off your ass and start doing something. I mean, honestly, I'm not being cute.

I'm not talking down to you. Don't feel that way. I hope you don't. But it's true. The answer is in the doing.

There are a lot of people that have less than we have going for. I'm scared, confused, angry. Do something for them. Worry about how they are instead of how we are. Be a sender, not a receiver, and it'll all go away.

The longer we concentrate on depression, we're gonna be depressed. The longer we think about our anger, we're gonna be angry. Honestly, this thing works in reverse. And if you apply it in reverse, you're gonna get the result. You look for God, you're never gonna find him.

Just think of how you can help somebody else and God will appear. I really mean that. Yes, sir. My name is Wayne. I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Wayne. Is it alright to ask about a different subject or question, ma'am? Go ahead. I go to a meeting at noon a lot, and there's a guy that comes in there and explains to have 5 and a half years sobriety. Every afternoon, he'll talk for 10 to 15 minutes about something that he can't understand what he's saying because his mind is supposed to be like, they ramble and it's close to the hour.

And he said, you mind cutting it a little short with this guy. Oh, sure. Cut me off. You don't care. And you people are hypocrites.

He went nuts and walked at the door with him. That's You're doomed to do the same thing. Every day when he walks in, they kinda go, oh. I don't know. He thought he was gonna get me.

Yes. K. It'll encourage you to take some steps because you're here. Can't wait to talk. I believe in putting my name in stuff.

That's what that means. That I have not taken. I believe in putting them out in the system because that's what they're all suggested program of recovery for now callers. And if I just wanted to stick around, I'd turn them to the Oates Club. I mean, I want them to get well and act friendly.

I see. As soon as your ego is deflated enough to accept the fact that you don't know the way to Oregon. This is wonderful. I'm leaving my voice. Yeah.

Hi, John. If you guys are trying to apply a good furnace, can you do call back them? Do you call back I I don't know, John. John's talking about having a sponsor who's a very good friend. I don't know.

I don't know. There's a safety thing down about asking somebody who's a good friend. But I don't know how on a friend for a sponsor. Because a friend may want to be my friend more than he wants to be my sponsor. And he may not say things to me because he may hurt me and he doesn't want to lose my friendship.

And I may die because of that hesitancy to hurt me. And I may die because of that hesitancy to hurt me. I'm gonna sponsor and look at me right now and say, You're full of shit. I mean, honestly, I don't mean to be profane, but I I really do. I mean, it doesn't mean you can't become friends with your sponsor because I think as you grow into sponsorship, you will become friends.

And then one day you will think your sponsor's pretty dumb. And if you stick around long enough and he sticks around long enough, he will get smarter again. It's kinda like father and son. At first, Daddy's the biggest, strongest, most powerful creature you ever saw. And then by the time you're in your teens, you're kind of a pain in the ass, out of step, doesn't understand.

And by the time you get a little older, you've got wiser again. That's kinda what goes on in sponsorship relationships. I think I see. Yes. Only a couple more.

Yes, sir. Sir, let me tell you something about alcoholism. His question is, what do you think about a 30 day program as versus Alcoholics Anonymous? And that is a great question. If I could find a 30 day program that could recover would cause me to recover from alcoholism, I guarantee you I would go to it and I can afford to pay for it.

If I could buy my way out of alcohol ism I would. Unfortunately for me, alcoholism continues into sobriety. The recovery from alcoholism continues after I stop drinking or I drink again. There is no cure for alcoholism. You stop doing these things, you will be right back where you were.

I don't say that. I don't even want that to be true. All I know is that seems to be what happens. You want a quick fix? There isn't any.

You wanna learn to be a social drinker? It ain't never gonna happen if you're really an alcoholic. No great speaker, no great book, no great treatment center ever gonna fix you. You and I are like race cars. God made 2 kinds of cars.

He made Chevrolets and they just keep coming off that assembly line. And the people get in them and they drive forever and change the gas, change the oil, add some gas, add the oil, go forever. Then you need race cars. God, they go fast, but they always gotta be tuned up. They always gotta have that pit stop because if they don't, they stop running.

I'm a race car. I'm never gonna be a Chevrolet. I'm always gonna have to make the pit stop and I'm always gonna have to constantly be adjusted But when I ride ride, baby, when I'm moving, I am moving faster and better than any Chevrolet. Yes, ma'am? My name is Adam.

I'm calling from Hi, Patty. What do you feel is, like, the proper balance between discussion and speaker meetings? Or do you find that either one No. A meeting is a meeting. The benefit of others' experiences and I can do that in open meetings, closed meetings, anywhere.

It's what attitude I bring to the meeting that's more important than what happens in the meeting. If I walk into the best meeting in the world with a closed mind or obsessed with my problem of the morning, I don't care who's speaking or what they say, nothing good is going to come out of that meeting. It's how I approach. If I go there willing to be taught, taking the battery off my shoulder, okay, accepting the fact that I need help, be willing to experience the excitement of knowledge. We never stop learning.

That's what's so wonderful about this. I am not the same person I'm gonna be 5 years from now. When I'm 25 years sober, if that ever happens, I'm gonna be a more and hopefully even better frame. That's an exciting prospect. And to do that, I gotta keep learning and watching my ego, make sure I get out of my own way.

Thank you, guys. And I gotta keep doing this stuff. That's it. Yes, sir? My auntie, and I'm an alcoholic.

I see. I would like to know whether you think about the weight because within the first key and especially when there's problems, there's a dosage range. Your question is, how will I think about relationships during my 1st year when the other person is a social drinker. I I tell you, I'll answer this question whether the other person is a social drinker or not. When I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, I did not think through my brain.

Yes, ma'am. You know, I don't wanna be flippant and because that's such a serious question. How do you, how do you keep from allowing that spouse to impose guilt on you? I honestly believe that I don't know the answer. I honestly believe that if you will do those things, you will know the answer.

I think that one day you will now it's not a cup out kid. I'm telling you, there's no fix here. There's no way that those dilemmas get cured here by someone giving us the answer. I know it. I wish there were.

You will stop feeling the guilt when you stop allowing the guilt to be imposed upon you. And I don't know how to stop that. But if you do, there's listen. Let me tell you. This lady has been the recipient and has accepted the gift of another person and does so constantly and can hardly stand it.

Is there anybody in the back who's faced that indershadow by? Would you look around? Is there anybody that had do that? So all I'm suggesting is, all I'm suggesting is these people have gone through that, and they're still here and so can you. It's not an instant relief.

Recovery from alcoholism, change in who we are and how we feel is not quick as taking a martini. See, one of the captivating things about what we used to do is we could change those things, those feelings and those reactions pretty quickly. Half pint. Or whatever whatever. This is not as quick, but this is much more lasting.

I honestly mean that. We're gonna quit here at exactly 3 o'clock or when the last hand, whichever first occurs. Yes, ma'am? Talking about the lady's question is balance and the difficulty to maintain balance and how do you do it? And I have never learned how to do it.

No. But I'll tell you what, I've learned how to do it better than I used to do it. I don't think anybody, anybody that I know, I'm sure there are people. But I know that. I mean, I'm not I'm not putting it, but that's a everybody wants that answer that's here.

And I know we're not looking for perfection. We just want to be better at it. And I tell you, over the long haul, you will get better at it because learning how to act like an adult and feel like an adult, well, it's a trial and error thing. It's growing up is tough to do. I mean, it is.

When I'm a little kid, I only wanna be an older person because I know older people got it all together. I mean, they do it over the long women wanted and they're just happy. Alright. When I'm a second grader, I look at the 8th graders, can't wait to be a high schooler because I know 8th graders don't pay down anything. They just play the boxes.

Then I got to be late, but I looked at the 2nd year high school guys and I was like, I wanted to see you in high school because they look like they but you got you can't feel like a senior until you're senior. The answer is this. Life is constantly changing, constantly saving on us. That's new problems, new dilemmas. It's It's kind of like a scale.

There's a hole in one of them. I said this, and I thought it was a wonderful thing. For us, it's like a scale. We all see the scale of justice. Well, for alcoholics, it appears that out of some cruel host, let me drill the hole in one of the scales because I mean, I really put in it.

It's easy. And what we do is we just keep trying to balance the scale. We are our worst critics. We are perfectionists. We're never satisfied with a b plus.

We are the type of people who don't come home and scream and enjoy, blah. I finished 19th. Out of 49. We're the type of person, my type, not you, hon, that if I have a day and 20 things happen in that day and 17 of those are good and 3 are shitty. I had a shitty day.

Not anymore. Not anymore. I have now, through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and being willing to listen and learn, take the chip off my shoulder and just be part of it. I tell you something now, when 17 out of 20 happens, I say to myself, what a nice day. I don't concentrate on negative stuff anymore.

I'm tired of negative. I'm tired of negative. I'm tired negative. I'm tired of losing and I'm tired of being with losers. Now I'm gonna challenge you to do something.

Make it. You make it. You beat those odds. Make it together, not as individuals but as a group. If I lived in this town and you were all from this town, I'd ask you to sign a piece of paper and meet again next year and I'd ask you to challenge each other to make it and I'd ask you to call each other to see if you, how you're doing.

I'd ask you to be the class of 82 and to be in the annals of recovery in alcoholism, the most successful class of newcomers AA has ever seen and that's possible. I had was a part of a class of 80 1, 82 where 48 people came in and attended the beginners class. It was started at the end of 80 and the beginning of 81. I don't know. 80, 81, 81, 82.

I can't keep them straight. 48 people. 47 of them were 5 years can continuously sober when they had their reunion. 1 was in prison. I've never seen anything like that before in in Alcoholics and Animal, nor have I ever seen it again.

They said when they wrote that book, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly done what we have done. That was true in 1939 and it is true today. Unfortunately, this is the other truth. Rarely do we see anybody do those things. Take this thing out.

The enemy is you, not alcohol. Alcohol is the symptom of the problem. Look in the mirror, You're looking at the problem. You can't fix it. He can.

Let him. Thank you very much.