The 4th Atlanta Roundup in Atlanta, GA

Thank you. I am Chuck Cee and I'm an alcoholic. Out in my country they say, what comes after old Chuck Cee? And the answer is Tuesday. Everybody down here including the fellow that just introduced me tells me that I got to sit down on time.

I haven't even got up yet. Now he wants me to confine it just to one subject. No a, b, and c, he said. I'm glad to be here. I want to thank the committee for allowing mister C and I to share this weekend with you.

Some of the people I love best in the world are right here tonight. And I've had an awful good time up until now. I guarantee nothing from now on. I can tell you why missus c told you this morning. You all know that Chuck talks a great deal.

She said that, didn't she? And I'm gonna tell you why. A little over 33a half years ago, I ran out of everything. Time, health, sanity, money, people, and everything else. And it became necessary for me to find Alcoholics Anonymous in order that I might not drink for the few days I had left so that I might rub out as much of the record as I could before I died.

And I didn't know how to find y'all. My keen alcoholic mind told me that you wouldn't be in the phone booking. You were anonymous, weren't you? They don't anonymous in the phone book. So knowing that you weren't in the phone book, I never looked.

And that is the story of my life right there. I knew so much that wasn't true. I couldn't learn anything that was. So I had to call people and ask them if they knew anybody that knew anybody in our call list anonymous. And, I got a hold of a chap's name, telephone number from a doctor in Beverly Hills.

And I called him up and we talked a little while. He was a picture man. And he says, have you had a drink today? And I said, no. Well, he says, don't take one.

He says, I'm working nights right now and I can't take you to meeting tonight. But I might not be working tomorrow night, so call me again tomorrow. And maybe I can take you to meeting tomorrow. So I called him tomorrow, and we talked a little while. He said he had a drink today.

And I said, no. He says, don't take one. I'm still working. He just call me again tomorrow. And I called him tomorrow, then we talked a little bit.

And I says, I know you're still working. And he said, yeah. But I said, you don't have to tell him. You don't have to take me to a meeting. Tell me where there's a meeting I can go to and I'll go myself.

And he told me, and it wasn't too far from my house And I determined to go. And, I felt alright about it until it was almost time to to go. And then I got a little bit worried. I thought it might not be good for my reputation to be seen with people like you. Now, you don't know how how funny this is, really.

Because I had spent more time in the Beverly Hills jail the 10 years prior to this than the jailer had spent. And yet I get concerned about being seen with y'all. So I disguised myself a little. And the time came and I sallied forth. Now this meeting was in the Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall at the corner of Wilshire and Santa Monica in Beverly Hills.

Some of you would identify it as the building that Wilson's trade shop is in in the front. The veteran in Fort Worth Hall was in the back of it. And it was on the ground floor. And I went to the beach and I walked up there to the door and I looked in. And there might have been 35 or 40 people standing in the middle of that room.

You mind doing this is over 33 years ago. And there weren't many people in the West in Alcoholics Anonymous at that time. So I looked y'all over and, again, my keen arbiotic mind started to work. And it told me that I'd been given the wrong information, that this was the wrong night. These were the veterans and their wives and they were there for party.

Because, you see, you didn't look like me, and you weren't dressed like me, and you most certainly weren't talking like me because every one of you was talking and nobody listening. And it was all happy talk. So you couldn't be alcoholics. You were the veterans and the wives and they were there for a party. And I was gonna have to go home and come back the night the drugs were there.

And I turned to leave. And I'll never be any nearer death than I was when I turned to leave that night. At long last, I'd come and it was the wrong night. Now here is the reason I'm here. This next minute is the essence in my opinion of our fellowship.

Somebody in the middle of that room had been watching me. And when I turned to leave, He came running over the door, and he called to me. And he says, mister, were you looking for somebody? And I said, no, sir. Well, he said, what were you looking for then?

And I said, if it wouldn't interest you, sir, I was looking for sobriety. And everything about that man changed just like that. It was just like somebody pressed a button. He lit up like a Christmas tree. And it was obvious to me that he was there that was there.

Now I was no bargain. I just come off of the 4 or 5 weeks blackout. But to him, I was a bargain. So much so that he lit up like a like a Christmas tree. Some of you know what I'm talking about and why I'm a little emotional about it.

Because you see, my own flesh and blood wouldn't even spit on me. And here's a man that I had never seen before in my life. They were so glad I was there. He lit up. And I was hooked before he ever opened his mouth again.

And when he did, this is what he said. Why take off your hat and coat. You're in the right place. And he took me in and knocked me to sleep. Now this is Alcoholics Anonymous.

Without this no recoveries. No recoveries. We are allowed to get sober by the spirit of Alcoholics Anonymous. We maintain sobriety by the practice of the principles. But in my opinion, no man, no alcoholic, man or woman ever got sober on profundities or principles.

I do not believe that there's enough intellectual knowledge on the face of the earth to get one alcoholic sober and keep him sober. We get sober by the spirit of this society. The spirit that made that man come trotting over the door. The spirit that made him light up like a Christmas tree and take me in and knock me to sleep. The spirit that made some of you people get out of bed last night, 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning, and go clear across town to sit with somebody who's in trouble.

The spirit of Alcoholics Anonymous. We're allowed to get sober by the spirit. We maintain sobriety by the practice of the principles. And the spirit of Alcoholics Anonymous is spelled l o v e love. Did it ever occur to you how fortunate we are that we love each other?

Did it ever occur to you? Oh, what drunk is not easy to love? That just put nearly takes one to love one, doesn't it? We're the most fortunate people in the world that we love each other. And without any thought of criticism or judgment.

Because I do not even hope that the non alcoholic world will ever understand us because I don't understand understand myself. You see, I was a periodic, as missus T told you this morning, for the last dozen years that I drank. And I could look at my record between blokes for a 1000 years when I was physically as sober as I am now. I could look at my record. And up until the very last drunk, I could always convince myself that I had learned my lesson.

This time it's gonna be different. This time it's gonna be different right up until the last stroke. And of course it was. It was worse just like it's always been. But I didn't learn that easy.

So I don't expect the non alcoholic world to understand our ethics. And so I'm not speaking in judgment. But if a non alcoholic sees us, one of us, in the gutter, he gives us a wide berth. He very likely thinks that we deserve to be there. If we had any backbone or will power, we wouldn't be there.

I expect some of them even think we enjoy it there. You know? So they give us a wide berth. But when you and I see one of us in the gutter, we know that he's not there because he wants to be there. He's there because he has to be there.

He hates that gutter more than anything in the world because you see he's been there before. He hates it. But he's there because he don't know how not to be there. And we know that. And so we can go over and pick him up and carry him home with us.

And love him back to health. This is AA. This is the thing that makes this work. When as in so far as I am able to perceive. Nothing much else does.

Now I'm not opposed to any other attempt at, getting us sober, keeping us sober. I'm not opposed to. I don't know enough about them to be opposed to Because I came here 33 years and 6 months and a few days ago. And I've never had to go anyplace else. And I've never had a drink or sedating or tranquilizing pills since.

And furthermore, I've never had one conscious desire for a drink since I got here. The reason I'm here is because that guy came over the door. Had he not come to the door, I might never have gotten back. I might have gone out there and never come back at all. But you see, he cared.

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share who share their experience, strength, and hope one with another in love. We're very fortunate, much that we love each other. There are a few little things that I wanna talk about before I get started. There are a couple of conditions in this little deal of ours that come before the first step of the 12 steps. One of them is the first line of the second paragraph of chapter 3.

And it says, we learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we're alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery. We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery. Now that's way back in chapter 3.

Our program of recovery is in chapter 5. So why would this be back in chapter 3 and the first part of chapter 3 at that? I think it's because if we be alcoholic, we're caught in a trap we cannot spring. We have to have help. And we can't get help until we recognize the need for it.

God himself can't help us until we let him. So, says the book, we learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery. To fully concede to our innermost selves is admitting the fact but it's also accepting the fact. And that's according to book, The first step in recovery.

The second thing comes in chapter 5. But it also comes before step 1. And it says if you've decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length, any length to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps. Any length means that sobriety comes first. And I'm one who believes that unless and or until sobriety comes first, we cannot have it.

And unless it remains first, we cannot keep it. Because otherwise we will not do the things necessary to obtain and maintain sobriety. We won't do it. I don't believe that any alcoholic, man or woman, and as far as I'm concerned, there are only 2 kinds of alcoholics, male and female. I don't think we have any great a b and c alcoholics at all.

I don't believe it's possible to be a little bit alcoholic. It's a great deal like pregnancy. Either ends, he ain't. And I don't believe that any alcoholic can walk up to step 1 and take it cold. I don't believe it can be done.

Because step 1 is a twofold admission of defeat. Step 1 says we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, physical, that our lives had become unmanageable, mental. We've lost the battle twice over with step 1. Now nobody's gonna take that if you can keep from it. If it had been possible for me to survive without it, I'd not be here.

Twofold admission of defeat in the very first step. We are not people who were born to lose. We're people who were born to win. And we almost did. We almost did.

I call us the almost people. Almost was our president of the United States. I'm old enough. But I got just a little bit of alcohol And that's all, brother. We're not people that run around surrendering on every other street corner.

And here, the very first step is a twofolded mission to defeat. And the second step is worse than the first. It says we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And I submit to you that there's an implication here. Sane people don't need to be restored to sanity.

So number 1, we've lost the battle twice over. Number 2, we're nuts. Now that's pretty fast going for now, isn't it? But it don't get any better. Number 3 is worse than both of them.

Number 3 says we gotta get out of the driver's seat. We gotta turn over the keys. Now, as serious as this is, just took the hell out of me. When I was a drinking man, nobody could get my keys. I wouldn't have given my keys to God.

The only way you can get my keys was the way I passed out. I could come out of a pub at 3 o'clock in the morning with my wife or yours. She said to me, honey, give me the key. I'll rock. I'd say, whose car?

Whose car are you gonna drive? This is my car. If you're going to the big hit in. You might be there at daylight. You ain't gone no place but you still got the keys.

Number 3 says you gotta get up the keys. And not only that, you gotta get out the driver's seat. We made a decision to turn our will in our lives over to care of God as we understood it. We gotta get out of the driver's seat. Now this is not the ordinary performance of an alcoholic.

We made a decision to turn our will in our lives. He has me understood him. Thank God. Has no reference to understanding the infinite. Understanding God is not a requirement for sobriety.

Thank God. The as we understood him refers to the necessity of individual experience. My god. Your god. The necessity of individual spirit.

I hunted your god for 30 years before I got here, From 13 to 43. I went through all the great religions and philosophies of the world trying to find out how come I didn't get saved at 13 when I tried so hard to get saved. 30 years, I looked. And I got to be very, very learned in the religions and philosophies of the world. I wasn't known as a drunken deacon for 10 years for nothing.

I'll tell you that. But nothing happened. Now I wanna tell you what did happen and what has come about in my life since it did. My last stroke started the Friday before Christmas 1945. My boss man called me in and he says, Charlie, I was Charlie in business.

He says, you've had a lot of trouble this year. He didn't mention booze, but he knew that I knew what he was talking about when he said trouble. And he was a nonalcoholic, so he thought he had it figured out. He says, I think I know what the problem is. I think it's because of the pressure you're under.

Now, says he, I'm gonna take a little pressure off of you, and maybe next year you won't have so much pressure and you won't have so much trouble. And instead of shooting me as he had every right to do, he gave me $3,000 for a Christmas present. Friday before Christmas 1945, to take the pressure off of me. Now if you don't think he took the pressure off me, you're nuts. There's one thing that's worse for an alcoholic than bad fortune and that's good fortune.

So I got drunk on the way home. Now that was not part of the course for me because I was periodic for the last dozen years of that drink. And periodics don't taper off. Periodics taper on. And it usually took me from 30 to 60 days to get off my feet after the first slug, after a dry spell.

I always made it, but it took a little time. But the last try trip out, I got drunk on the way home, and I remember nothing. From that day until after the middle of January 1930 1946. If this is Eve, we're telling this story on me. She's made a lot of misstatements this morning, if you would.

I've done my best with her for a long time. But if she were telling this story right now, she would tell tell you that through that 4 or 5 weeks period, I emptied 7 quarts of whiskey every 3 days. Now, I didn't say that. She says it. I can't contradict her because I wasn't there.

So I don't know. And personally, I don't believe that 7 quarts of whiskey is too much for 3 days And you only do it 3 days. But if you're gonna do it for 4 or 5 weeks straight, It's either too much or just enough. And in my case, it was just a just enough. Because I came to sometime after the middle of January 1946 with the clearest head I've ever known in my lifetime.

Which is impossible really if you look at it because I never ate when I drank and I had nothing in me but whiskey. But I came to you with the clearest hat I've ever known. And I saw me, for the first time in my life, with nothing between me and me. Every excuse was burned out. The wants were gone.

I didn't have any. I knew that morning that I'd lost the battle of life. I did not know why because I knew nothing of the disease of alcoholism. But I knew that I'd lost the battle of life. And it was the first time in 43 years of life that I had ever admitted defeat.

I knew why Mrs. C was divorcing me. I might quickly say without cause. I've given her 20 of the best this whole life already. And yes, she always divorced me.

And I knew why. And I knew she should've done it 10 years before. And I knew why our kids wouldn't even come home when I was around if they could help it. And I knew why the boss man had sent word to the house that if I ever step foot in the plant again, he was gonna throw me through the window And the window that he had pitch picked out for that purpose don't open. I totally and completely accepted the fact that morning that everything dear to me in life was gone and should be gone, and that I was not entitled to have it back.

Now I'm gonna say that again because this is what my life has been built on for 33 years. I totally and completely accepted the fact that everything due to them in life is gone and should be gone and that I was not entitled to have it back. Yeah. I also accepted debts because I'd come so close to it the next of the last time that I knew this time, which was worse, I was gonna die and it was all right. But I didn't want a guy with a record.

I tell you how close I came the next of the last time out. In my withdrawal period, I went to the kitchen after glass of buttermilk, which was my tonic. Missus c and Richard were sitting in the living room, and they heard me let out a bella, and they heard me hit the floor. And they came running out thinking I would be in an alcoholic convulship, which was my want, but I wasn't. I had done used up all my alcoholic convulsions and I was just lying down on the kitchen floor as peaceful as anybody you ever saw.

I wasn't doing nothing. They tell me I was a peculiar brother. I was boo. And they couldn't wake me up. And they got all exercise and called the oxygen squad at the Beverly Hills Receiving Hospital.

Now, again, I have a curious sense of humor. I think this is one of the funniest things that ever, ever had tell her in my life because my wife and my kids had been praying for me to die for at least 5 years And they came to the kitchen, found it dead, then call the oxygen spot. That blows my mind. And they said a squat down there. And I have reason to believe they brought me around.

I remember what happened when I after I came to. There's a doctor with him And he told me, he says says he to me. He says to all intents and purposes you were dead. He says we have had a hell of a time bringing you too. He says, nobody will ever bring you 2 again under these conditions.

We agreed on that. And then he gave me the finest speech of counsel I will ever hear. He looked me right in the eye, and he said, if I were you, I wouldn't do that anymore. Now I wanna pass that on. If I were you, I wouldn't do that anymore.

But I did it again and the last time was worse than the next of the last time so I knew I was gonna die and it was alright. But I didn't wanna die with the record. Now quickly, in my despondency that morning, I remembered that missus C had found Zach Alexander's article in the post in 1941, March 41. She had read it and she had thought that it might be of some value to me. And she left it on the right on the left arm of the chair I sit in right now, open at the right page, hoping that when I came in, if I came in, I would read it.

And I did. I remembered that morning that I had read that article. I only remembered 2 things about it because I was drunk when I read it. I remembered that drunk stopped drunks and didn't drink, and they called it Alcoholics Anonymous. And I said to myself, if I ever live to get out of this bed, I will find AA.

And immediately the curtain dropped. My little period of sanity was over. And I was sick and to death, drunk and insane. And I had a lot of dying to do. But from that second of commitment until right now, I have never had a drink of liquor or a sedating or tranquilizing field of any kind.

Such is the great significance of this thing called surrender. Surrender. Surrenders victory for the alcoholic. This is one we win by giving up the fight. Would to God it was possible for one of us to tell another what it means to surrender.

Would to God. I would rather tell one audience what it means to surrender than to be president of the universe. But it cannot be done. There is no way that anybody will ever know without the experience. I believe that this surrender bit is the most miss understood experience in human life.

Surrender in our so called civilization is a dirty word. It was not even in my vocabulary. I never surrendered one time in 43 years of life. And so I can say to you this this this evening, without fear of successful contradiction, That's the greatest single event that has ever happened in my life. Happened sometime between the Friday before Christmas 1945 and the middle of January 1940 6.

And the only thing I did to bring it about, I drank the whiskey. And sometime in that period, everything between me and me was burned down. And I got to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, surrendered. I didn't want anything for me. Not even sobriety.

Because my life is over. All I wanted at all was that I must not drink until I died so that I could use that time to rub out as much of the record as I could before I kicked off. I never got to the place all through my drunken career that I didn't love my wife and my kids. Always loved it. And many of you people have lived with people like me.

And you have known that we didn't love you. Missus c told me 500 times, I bet you. Chuck, if you loved us, you wouldn't do these things. And how could I tell him that it was because I loved him that I did? You can't sell that bill of goods.

But it's the truth. I told you I was a periodic for the last dozen years. And I could look at my record between drunks with physically sober eyes. And I knew what I was doing to my wife and my kids. And I wanted to take them in my arms and say, listen.

I love you. I'll never do this again. So help me God. But I couldn't. Gonna do it again because I didn't know how not to do it again.

And so I'd lie in my bed and it was that far from hers for that whole last period. And I'd wait till I knew that she was asleep because of her breathing. And then I'd cry me up a river. I'd cry that pillow full of tears because I loved it. And I knew that I was gonna crucify him again.

So All I wanted to do was to rub out as much of that record as you could before it kicked off. And I must come to you to find out how not to drink today so I could use this time to rub out. And so I told you about my first meeting. I knew that the people that were there were drunks because they hadn't been sober long enough to get rid of these markings. They had headlights here like I did.

They had bags on their bags. The wiring was exposed. And I knew they were drunks and I knew they weren't drunk. And I saw their eyes. And it was comfortable there.

And so I was back in a meeting every night for 6 months. Every night I was back there for two reasons. Number 1, it was comfortable there. And number 2, I didn't any place else to go. And that helps.

So after 6 months of eating every night, I discovered something beautiful. I hadn't had a drink of pill for 6 months. What to do? Not a drink or a pill for 6 months. And I was so tickled about it.

I got busy trying to give this thing back to the drugs. And another 6 months went by and I made another discovery that was fantastic. I discovered that I had a family and they were living like kittens. And this was a beautiful discovery. I'll tell you a little highlight on that.

I had me a gal in Beverly. She's a little bitty thing. Probably 25 years, my senior. And she's very wealthy. She lived up in the big numbers.

I lived between Wilshire and Olympic down on the flatlands where the poor people live, but she lived up in the hills. She's very wealthy. That's really an algae. And, she went to meeting with me all the time. I'd call her.

I said, Louise, how about a meeting tonight? She'd say, come and get me. And away we go. But sometime between the first 6 months and the 1st year, she called the house thinking to get me. And she got mister z on the line.

And she said, who in the hell are you? And she says, I'm touched what? Didn't know he had a wife. And then she says, well, he doesn't need her. And I didn't.

And, yeah, I discovered I got a wife and kids and they're living like kittens. And what a discovery this is. And another 6 months went by and I discovered I was still down the office trying to clean up my desk. And business was good. Business was plum good.

And that was a good discovery. Now a year goes by and I discovered that my own state of being was better than anything I'd ever dreamed of. It was just good to be alive. Just good to be alive. And that ain't a bad discovery.

Now 6 years have gone by and I discovered I was never alone anymore. I who had walked alone for a lifetime. I've never been a part of in my life. I wanted so much to be a part of that I always walked alone. And here I discovered there's never alone anymore.

I had a God of my very own and wherever I am, he is. Now, this is the great discovery. When we make this discovery, the search is over and life begins. It's a fantastic thing. I think that we're the most fortunate segment of mankind.

We're alcoholics. Because our formula for sobriety is the finest formula that was ever conceived in the mind of man through the grace of God to obtain and maintain sobriety. But the same formula is also the formula for the good life and for self discovery. The very same formula. Provided we do the things that the book tells us to do or suggest that we do for sobriety only.

I think that most of our troubles are caused because of conditions on our sobriety. Conditions, for instance, related disorders. Now I got to the program with about the finest crop of related disorders that you can get together. I had no home, no job, no health, no sanity, and no money. Now I don't think he can collect a much better bunch than that.

It's quite a nice crop of related disorders. I never spent 5 seconds on any one of them. Not 5 seconds. And all of them disappeared along with the obsession to drink and I didn't even know when they left. I discovered that we were that they were gone.

And so that's the reason I think that our program is nothing in the world but uncovering, discovering, and discarding. That's our that's our perform our program. Uncovering, discovering, and discarding. The first nine steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous were to surrender anybody that takes them for sobriety only. That's what they're there for, to squeeze us out of ourselves.

To get rid of the eye water, don't wanna like it, don't like, aye yi yi yi. That's the purpose of the first 9 steps. To surrender us. And if we get here not surrendered and do these things honestly, we will be surrendered. When we get to number 9.

And then we can look deep within us and find us which includes our relationship to each other and to God. It's a fantastic thing. We uncover and discover the thing we've been looking for all our lives. Fabulous. And I could see tonight what we belong to.

It would blind us all. This is the most fantastic thing that anybody ever got to teach you. Now, mind you, the things that I am saying tonight are things that have happened to me. There in many many books that I've read also. But that isn't the reason I talk about.

It's because it happened to me. This is my life. I take credit for the first 43 years of it. I was the master of ceremonies and the star of the show for 43 years. And at the end of 43 years, I was a failure, a husband, a father, a businessman, a man, and a drunk.

And that's all the departments I had. If I had any more departments, I'd have failed in them too. But that was all. I take the credit for that. I take absolutely no credit for what's happened to me in the last 33 years 6 months.

None. Because all I have done for 33 years 6 months is to make one 12 step call. That's all I've done. When I could talk after my little experience, I called my wife in. And then she was a divorcement and it was alright.

And I called her in and I says, honey, it's no longer of any to me whether or not I live under this roof. It is of absolutely no importance to me at all. I'll never ask a thing of you as long as the 2 of us live with 1. If I can ever add anything to your life, let me give it to you. And we close the book And it's never been reopened.

I went to the office before I'd ever been to you to you people Because I knew where the office was. And I had to find you by the roundabout way because of my keen alcoholic mind. So I went down to the office knowing the guy was gonna show me through the window and knowing that he could because I was not in robust health. We call it down here puny. I was a little puny.

We saw my old car in the parking lot. Knew I was on the premises and knew I wasn't gonna stay. So I busted in the office like a billionaire in China closet. And, yeah, I I couldn't have defended myself with a shotgun because I didn't have the shakes. I believed.

And there he was. And I said, victory no more. I don't work for you anymore. I'm down here to clean up this desk. I'm here to do the things you paid before last year that it didn't do.

And as soon as I get even with you, I'll get the hell out of here on my own power. You'll never owe me a penny as long as you live. But for God's sake, leave me alone. I've got to get even with you. And he stopped in his tracks.

And he said, what the hell's happened to each other? And I says, don't know. And I didn't. But he knew something had happened. If mrs.

C were talking to you now, she'd tell you that she knew the first time I talked with her that something had happened. She didn't know what and neither did he. But he didn't tell me through the window. And months months months, maybe even 2 or 3 years after that happened, I'd be talking to people in business. Maybe sitting at lunch talking over a business thing and they stop in the middle of a sentence.

And they'd say to me, what the hell's happened to you, Charlie? I've been knowing you for 25 years and I don't know you. What's happened? And I'd say I don't know and I didn't. But after the 6 years, as I told you, I discovered I was never alone anymore.

I had a God in my very own. Now, in so far as I'm able to perceive and I'll get through with this in a hurry if I can. I'd like to start now. I've never saved my time because I've half a dozen of years more have asked me to end up with the Lord, with the, body of God's Sonos story, but I can't do it now because I've run run out of time. But, anyway, I'd like to start right now because this is where it starts.

I am of the opinion totally convinced that there's only one problem in life that includes all problems. And only one answer in life that includes all answers. And the problem is duality and the answer is unity. Duality is the only problem that we have. Duality is the best definition of the human ego you'll ever hear.

It's the feeling of conscious separation from. The The feeling of conscious separation from. Duality is the thing that causes all of trouble. The human ego is the father and mother of all obsessions of the mind. I want it, don't want it like it, don't like it.

And it's divinely impossible to satisfy the human ego. For instance, I sit up there on my hill looking out the window, And there's a channel between the coastline and Catalina Island, sharply 30 miles across there. And I look at that channel, and I say to me, if that entire channel was bourbon whiskey, it wouldn't be enough to satisfy my obsession to drink. Now mind you that 30 miles is just the top of it. It's neat too.

And that'd make a lot of tities. Wouldn't it? But it wouldn't be enough to satisfy my obsession to drink because it cannot be satisfied. In my last many years of drinking from the first slug that I took after a dry spell, until I was flat on my back breaking the clock around, it was just a question of time. And the only time I quit was when I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow.

Mister Seed, I'd have to lift up my head and put a little liquid in my mouth to keep me from swallowing my tongue. It's impossible to satisfy my obsession to drink. It's also impossible to satisfy an obsession for money. It can't be done because it's all relative. All relative.

To the guy that hasn't got 2 coppers rubbed together $5 a fortune. The guy that's got $5 is broke. I had a client out there for many years. It's gone from one head and lettuce to $35,000,000. And he used to say to me in his last years, he'd say, Johnny, how can I be like you?

And I'd say, Eddie, you can't. And he'd say, why? Then I said, Eddie, who needs God when he's got 35,000,000 bucks? You can buy anything you want, intruding women. And you do.

So Eddie, you go ahead and make yourself a 150,000,000,000 and you will if you live. And then you come to me and say, Charlie, how can I be like you? And I'll tell you and you can do it. But not until. You've gotta find out, and you would, by the time you get a 150,000,000, that it can't do for you what you have to have done right here.

And then you can do the things that allow you to to find this way. And he said, well, let's talk to me about it anyway. We drive all over the state of Arizona talking about things we've been talking about here tonight. But Eddie didn't get his 150. He got so many things in his head that exploded.

And they had to bury him. But it's impossible to satisfy an obsession for money. Power. We all led through Watergate. And everybody in this United States was damaged by Watergate.

Nobody won. There were no winners. It's impossible to satisfy an obsession for power. Now, let's get real down to earth. Let's say, women.

Amen. It's impossible to satisfy an obsession for women. Cannot be done. Let us say for just for fun that I was the greatest lefaire of all times. And every chick chick that I ever took out after, I caught.

But one. Now that would be an amazing army by this time, wouldn't it? Because I've lived a long time. Would that conquest satisfy me? No.

This one kills me. The one I can't get kills me. So if you can't beat them, join them. That's where your surrender comes in. Get rid of the necessity for these things.

And it's done by surrender. And for closing these few remarks, who else has fought like this in life? Well, many of you do. Personally, I think the carpenter man did because he said, you know, at one time, he said, I and my father are 1. A little later on, he said, I am in the father and he and me and I and you.

And a little later he said the kingdom of heaven is within you. I think that's pretty close. And I think that's what we're talking about. Uncovering and discovering the thing you've been working for all your lives. There was a chap I liked very much.

He and I were childhood friends. He lived in 1666. His name was brother Lawrence and I love him. He's a great guy. I'm gonna quote a couple of Catholics and I know that I'm down here in non Catholic territory.

But I can quote them because I'm not a Catholic. You can't say I came down here to make Catholicism on you because I ain't one. But anyway, brother Orange was. And, he was a dishwasher. He was a pot and pan washer in a in a, monastery just out of Paris in 16/66.

And he said that everybody would be yelling for a different thing at the same time. He said it didn't pay attention to him. He just went ahead talking to god. And washed his pots and pans. So he didn't know where his prayers of office started and stopped and his prayers began.

And he became quite a counselor. He was a great man. And in talking to one of these troubled folks, he says to the guy, he is within you. Look not for him elsewhere. That's what we're talking about.

That's what we're talking about. Then there was another guy. He was Dominican priest. He lived in Germany. About the same time and around the same time by the Lord.

And he said this. He said, you have heard that nature abhors a vacuum. I tell you that God hoards a vacuum, care about a vacuum any place under heaven, however small. Now, says he, all you gotta do is to get empty of self and automatically. You're full of guy.

That's what we're talking about. To get rid of the only roadblock there is between me and you and me and God, which is the human ego. And there it is. There it is. We discovered the thing we've been looking for all our lives.