Chuck C. from Laguna Beach, CA speaking in Winston-Salem, NC

That I give you my friend and your friend and help me to give him a warm Tar Heel Midwinter concert welcome out from La Guinee, California, Step Street. Thank you. I am such a dude. I'm an alcoholic. Hi.

Strange, but some other parts of the country don't care. Don't they have to get me to get her? About leaving me home and going all over the country, you know, to. As well as I can calculate, this is very likely my 32nd a a blessing. That's 11,688 days that I would not have had had it not been for people like you.

The program of our lives anonymous and the grace of God. Lots of people are born and die without living 11,688 days. And I have had 11 1,688 days after I died. And every one of them had made me more grateful. Once grateful against you.

Fortunately for me, I came to the problem knowing that I couldn't drink and left, and that I messed up I couldn't keep from drinking. I got here knowing that. And I've never forgotten it. I've had any more space over to build on my own than I said 35 years ago, And I know that. And it's no big deal.

It's no big deal. Because people like you don't see we're not dealt. Tell me the first night I got here. What they have done in order to bear with that one very time with addresses. They said beer have a such sweet cup.

If you want what we have, beer these things. Well, I didn't particularly wear what they have. I got here not wanting anything for myself, not even somebody. But I had to have set days as I had left without drinking so I could rub out as much of the record as I could before I died. That's the only reason I found you.

Because I must live today without drinking so I could read out as much of the record as it could before that. And there's gone by and I was all right. But I didn't want my wife and I see it. To remember me is Nothing but a country and babbling idiot block. You know, there are many people in this audience who have marvelous people like me.

And he knew, you know, that we can love you. I bet you that lady who had yesterday. Told me 5 all the times. Chuck, if you loved it, You wouldn't do these things. And how could I tell that it was because I loved them that I did it?

You can't explain a thing like that. You know? I was a few hours of the last 10 years that I drank for a reason. I've been drinking 15 years and I decided that I wasn't drinking well. I'd had a code for drinking as I'd had a code for everything else in life.

And for the first 15 years, I pretty well invested setting my codes. But after 15 years, the clothes already got lost. And I wasn't going well. And I had a session with me just about the same time that Ebby had his first session with Beth. I had a session with me.

And I came to the conclusion that morning that this was a personal weakness. Something that I had to overcome to be without. My alcoholic, the very nature of an alcoholic is that we don't like personal weaknesses in anybody and much more so in ourselves. And so I was going to have to beat this thing in order to get rid of it. I became a fanatic at that time because you can't try to very good battle when you're down on your back.

You have to get well enough to get back in the room for the next round. If you're gonna win, you can give up the fight. So I became a theoretic. And I was sober as I am tonight this afternoon physically. Just as sober then this afternoon physically between everything else but 10 years.

And still I have to drink again every time. Now, you know, totally sober period. I haven't yet I'm talking about without liquor. I wasn't sober. I wasn't drinking.

But I was just talking about what I was doing to my wife and make it. And I knew I was crucified, and I knew I loved them, and I couldn't stand it. The hurt was too bad. So I'd have to go get a bottle to get rid of the hurt I'll crucify them all over again, you know. You can't explain a thing like that.

Nobody can. But I never got to the point in all my 25 years of drinking that I didn't love my wife and my kids. And all I had come to the mother of Ganderbeld maybe 32 years ago today from my last question. I still love my ass and my kids. I had had a little experience that last trip out that some of you wanna tell you about.

On the Friday before Christmas 1945, my boss called me in, and I know it was sudden because I knew I had it coming. But instead of shooting me as they had every right to do, he started talking. He says, Charlie, I was Charlie and Dennis. He says he's got a lot of trouble this year. He doesn't mention news, but he knew that I knew what he meant when he said trouble.

And he says, I think, because he was not hurt. He said I think I know what causes it. He says I figured it would cause the pressure you're under. And he says I've decided to take a little pressure off, have you? And maybe next year you won't have so much pressure, and you won't have so much trouble.

And again, instead of shooting me, they owe me $3,000 for a business service It takes the pressure off of me. There's one thing worse for an alcoholic than bad person, and that's good person. So I got drunk on the right home. Now this was not part of the course for me at all because periodic don't get burnt on their own. Periodics take her on.

They never take her off. We have a regular receipt. When we got to the place drinking that we can't get it down and can't get it out and turn it out and turn by, we had to get over. And we do. And if they were well enough, we go on a hot stick.

We drink a lot of milk. We drink a lot of milk. We eat as much as we can. We take vitamins. Vitamin 5 and 50s, they gave me.

I remember the bucket. Yeah. And you get physical seal and put it there. And then you look at our life. Don't?

We take it apart and we see where you made our mistake. I maybe thought I have nothing to do about that anymore. And when we get everything in its place and the place where we go, we start sampling. And we sample it right on back to be it. So I didn't usually get drunk on my own, but my last one was different from all the rest of them, and I got drunk on my home.

And I never came to until the middle of January 1946. And when I did come through that morning, Not knowing what had happened, but knowing what I had to do, I accepted myself exactly as I was where I was for the first time in my life. For the first time in my life, I didn't have any excuse left for drinking. I drank for 25 years, And after the last drink, it was never my fault that I drank. You thought We got a lady that yelled yesterday at their fault.

She has a damn good reason for getting drunk. But it's good to see why she wasn't half as good as her mother. I never only had 1 kid, and I was married to her. And she was living with us, and she had a grand fancy watch and look crucify her and she didn't like me very good. And I didn't like her that good.

She hadn't been 11 ladies, I would rather crucify her better. So she was the best excuse I had right up in the last. But my last trip out, she burned out too. He was gone. And it was nothing between me and me.

Saw me as a wife and accepted it. Bought my situation as it was and accepted it. Let's just say after 20 years I get an adrenaline divorce here in my life. Yes. He loves divorce me.

And I know why. And I know that she's never done it 10 years before. I said to her leaving from home when I arrived, and I knew why. And that poor embossment that has given me this 2,000 to take the pressure off. At Bentwood, the house that if I ever set foot and tried again, he's gonna tell me to the window.

And the window that you have picked out don't open. I saw all of this and accepted it just as it was. And it suddenly didn't go on us to say for me to be sober until I died. Just to read out the record. I remembered that morning that message to you had found out the Alexander's article in the post, March 1, 1941, about this breading society, about how it's gonna be.

And she had read it. And she is included but it might be at some point of a belief. I don't know how she came to that conclusion. So if he left it open at the right page on the left side of the stair, I sit and run out. And when I said, man, I sat down and there it was, and so I read it.

Now I had 4 seats in the room when I read it. So that morning I only remembered 2 things. I remembered that drunk shop, drinks, and didn't drink, and it all without harvest and ornament. That's the only people I remember the diatonic. And I said to myself if I ever live to get out of this village I'll find a And immediately the curtains out, and I was sickened to death drunk and in flames.

I had a lot of dying to do. But from that moment until right now, I have never had the focus today when you're tranquilizing pills or drinking alcoholic beverage of any time. That is the great significance. I just want to call surrender. Surrender.

The saying that makes it so difficult for you and I. To get into this program and do these things is that we are not people who surrender or whatever other seats on us. There's very, very bunch of people on the face of this that has little regard for authority. It's the gospel world. We don't like authority unless it's ours.

They gotta do this. We say he said so. They rip out the book and they read it and they say, see? And they say, do you want it? We don't surrender.

And had I had to surrender consciously the first time, I would have died 32 years ago. So the greatest fatal event that has ever happened in my 75 years of life. Not a bad man I'd even bother tonight. The greatest fatal event that's happened to me in 75 years is when the ballot hit me in January 1946. Greatest single event in my life because that last event surrounded me.

Everything between me and me burned out, And only then should I come to find you, to find a way to live without drinking. I had a little difficulty yet because my seeing out all of mine told me you would not be in the phone book. You were anonymous, weren't you? They got anonymous in the phone books, and said no, you weren't there. I never looked.

And that's the story of my life. I knew so damn much it wasn't true. I couldn't learn anything in the world. So I had to call people and ask them if there's any anybody or if there's any anybody. And I thought it's none.

And it took a little while for me to find your people that I possess. And I finally got a guy's telephone number from a doctor in Beverly Hills. I remember this Saturday and he, was also a motion picture man, and I called him up. I told him a little bit, and and he started this family too. And I said, I know you're still working.

And he said, yes. I said you don't need to take me to the meeting. Where's the meeting I can go to? And I'll go myself. And it was a Sunday just like this.

And there was a meeting in the veterans of foreign alcohol. It's going to work work in Panama from Beverly Hills as we live that time. And I decided to go there that night. And when it became time for me to get ready to go, I got to wondering. I got to wondering about it because I was beginning to feel that maybe I shouldn't be seen with people like you.

You know? You know? I know how to say about this. And maybe I should be feeling careful about it. Now I don't know why that ever said to me because I've spoken more times Beverly Hills jail than you daily.

But I have failed. I got concerned about it. Try disguise myself a little. You know? And went to the label.

And when I got there, my 3 and alpha, I was not in that big league then. Because we're only about 35, 40 people in the room. You see, this is prior to 31 years ago, 32 years ago. There are many people in my house all the synonymous there in our country. All But it was all a happy talk.

He said he deserved my word, they said, but it was happy talk. And, of course, my senior of artist man says they're giving me the random promotion. These are the veterans of my wives in the area of her body, And I'm gonna have to leave and come back to my house and dumpster here. And if you don't take out as a living dead man when I come to leave, you should. At long last, I'd come and I was too.

It was a long night. You see? Now here is our politics anonymous in a capsule. The reason I'm here right now, and the reason I'm here is here. Somebody in the middle of that room has been watching me.

And when I had come to leave, he came talking over to the door. And he ran at me. He says, listen. Will you listen to somebody? And I said, mercy.

Well, if you want me to listen for them I said, well, I put your business this year. I was up in for sobriety, And everything about that man changed in the 12:30 of night. He lit up just like a Christmas tree. Everything about him seems. And it was obvious to me that he was glad I was there.

Now nobody was glad that I was any place. You know? But he was and I was no bargain. I just come off in a 4 weeks blackout. But throw him out of the bargain because he lit up.

And I was up before I ever opened his mouth again. And when he did this is what he said. What take off your hat and coat? You're in the right place. I just got one and half and half and half.

This is alcoholics anonymous. We have access to no recoveries at all. None. The most personal thing about you and I is a beloved fellow. The river tells you how very fortunate we are law.

Because you see a wet drunk is not easy to love. But we love each other. And that's why with this man lit up. And he says, well, take off your hat and coat. You're in the right place.

I've always anonymous as a fellowship with many women who share who share. Paring on selling is the reason I took notes. And without it, nobody published it all. None. I am convinced that no alcoholic can obtain and maintain sobriety and intellectual knowledge.

I do not believe it's possible. I don't know anything about any other approaches to the disease of alcoholism because it's never been necessary for me to get involved. Because when I came to you, I've stayed with you. I got the answers that I needed, and so I have didn't have to investigate anything else. And so I might be just a little bit prejudice.

But I think that no alpha has ever got sober and precipice and preserendipative. We are people who have known principles and profundity intellectually for a lifetime. I was in the forefront of that brigade. How I know there's a drunken beacon for 10 years for nothing. I'll tell you that.

So we don't get sober on principles. We don't get sober on supremacy. We are allowed to get sober by the spirit of authorized anonymous. Calls the light up. The spirit that tells the zoo to get up at 2 o'clock in the morning and left right across town to sit with somebody in trouble.

That's the thing that allows us to get sober. And it spells l o v e, love. And they say that God is love. So have you not believed that we can know enough intellectually to obtain and maintain supply. I knew when I was 10 years old, better than the delinquency.

And a lesson. But I had to drink 25 years for my hair and my toe nails to know better. But they drank what you you see? All those mending of words that I written about as I think it's nice, but people now are studying it. Let me rant, you know.

I know it's all enough for some remarkable information. For instance, I don't know how I ever stayed sober without my nurse. Mercy. That rat gets drunker on Scott than maybe on Bourbon. I don't know how they gotta let through that.

They got a large grant to depend on that, you see. This April, Let's see if the information is convenient. They had 1 Lord ran a large grant to, study pigs. Now this does me a lot of good because I'm an old fig man. I was I had to come to therapy and hog parlor in the 30 Kentucky when I was a kid.

Now that's what they were doing this time. They were setting to sexual habits Live and live out alcohol. Now there's a feeling. Just a feeling. Lot of friends, you know, like this.

Nice big chain link fence. And I had the moment take on this side. I had the papa pig over on this side. See? And then the man is in the right position.

The papa take a sit down that fence to get over here on the same side of the fence a few ago. Bloke, me about that. But that's the spirit in my recovery. You know, one may and this is not setting criticism because I haven't left my 25 years of drinking. It's 32 years now without a drink.

I haven't looked at it. And I cannot believe my conduct. I cannot believe that anybody could get drunk over a 25 years age and not believe that one work was his fault. In 25 years, certainly, one of them was my fault by accident. You know?

But after my my last one, it was never my fault. But that's why I'm not saying to see that if there be fault, it's mine. I love it. That's a place where it's comfortable in jail. I don't want it in jail.

My family thought I loved it. I spent so much time there. And mind you, I could look at that message between any 2 girls with physically stabilized. And what have I done to gain? You know?

And I had to go through the gates of insanity and death before I would even someday to investigate this thing. And so what I'm about to say is not in criticism to the nonalcoholic world. Certainly not. Because if I can't understand my performance, why should I believe that they should understand it? As I've seen whatever's in the garage, they get it to a hot birth.

You know? They think we deserve it. They think we might like it there, I guess. But at least we've got it coming because of our conduct. You know?

So they give us a lot of votes, but we don't. We don't, you see. Because what do you see when others in the gutter? We know that he hates that gutter more than anybody in the from the face of the earth because he knows that gutter. And he don't wanna be there.

And he's there because he has to be there, and we know it. So we can go and give him and put him on a lap and rock in the sleep. This is what we're talking about. This is our greatest good fortune. I came here this morning for one reason and one reason only.

The only reason I have to go to one of these things. And that's to share me with you and your life. Thank God I didn't come down and just save anybody's soul. If any of this soul is left, I wouldn't have the slightest idea where to look for. And I didn't come down here to educate any of you.

I came just to share music. And I live because I love you. I love you to death. My gratitude starts with you because there was a people first that put me on a lap and knock me sleep. So my gratitude starts with you.

Don't show we're not drunk. And then it goes to the problem because that was left. And then to die because that's the way it happened to me. Again, fortunately, I didn't come here to find God. I've been looking for God for 30 years before I got here.

And I couldn't find him. And I didn't come here to find him. I didn't come here to take care of any of my related disorders. That's another thing that I get a little bit hot under the car about. We have so many experts now on related disorders that it's difficult to get anybody to go further on a common drug.

As you ain't got problems deeper than alcoholism. They don't all even got to you. You know? Related disorder. Well, I think, when your wife divorced me after 20 years, that's pretty good related disorder.

I don't think it's just the best thing in the world when the kids won't even come home when they're there. That's my latest truth today, old father. I don't think it's cricket for your boss to say you see the wonder. You know? If you start looking for it again.

I'd be over all birth related disorder. I have no loan, no job, no hassle, no money, and no sanity. And I told her just to let out a record. If I could. As much of it as I could before I died.

And I did the things that are suggested. And said warranty and including 12. Because I thought people like you who would not like it. And I don't really want because in those days, nobody had been sober for 5 years in my country. I must have my 5 weeks or 5 days, and it still looks something like me.

They had headlights right here, you know. They have bags under bags. The wire was all exposed. So you know there were drugs. But you did the work drugs because it's all the right.

You know? It's alright. And so you said to me, this is the things we do do. And I did them for survival, And I never had done things like that. Neither have I had had to add another program This is the one I have.

In order to feel comfortable with me. Conditions on Shabbat. I've never had a condition on this Shabbat because my life is gone and should be gone, and I'm ill. And my death is gone and should be gone, and I knew it. And my life is gone and should be gone, and I knew it.

And my office is awful. It took me three and a half years to get ever fallen on my face after my last dose, And I never even went to the doctor because you see, I have a I'm at. I'm gonna die. And I've gotten a lot of fun out of this because I got in there pigeon out there. It was about there.

He'd already gone quiet up in the Minnesota. That's Maine. That's late. Like, years, I mean, but he's going to try and get there to get service. Gun after he got sober.

But I want to see him some of the meetings. And if I'm not seeing, I'd say, well, no. I'll be up for the same for any GIC. I'm here. I got a hold of it up there at my ballot.

I just go, oh, it would be much What that goes through here? Because, clearly, I don't have any conditions. I'm sure why. Now, as I tell you, the discovery, because I'm convinced that this problem of ours is nothing in the world. But I'm suffering this struggle in this study.

I do not believe that there's anything to be added from any place. I wrote it entirely and inside job. It's uncovery, discovering, and discarding. Now I didn't know what was happening to me. I didn't know what had happened when I said to myself if I ever lived, get out of this better.

I don't know what happened. But the first time I was able to talk, I talked a little with my wife. And I don't want to deserve out of my bitterness and what I said because she's left me anyhow. You know? But I told her.

I said, well, it's no longer of any consequence to me. There is absolutely no importance to the law. I'm not asked to say that as long as the 2 others lived at once. If I can ever add anything to your life, let me give it to you. And you close the book, and it's never been the opposite.

I didn't know that I that what had happened there. But she knew before I found the doctor that nothing happened. I went to the office before I found you because I knew where the office was, and I had to find you people. And I went down there knowing the man was gonna send me people in there, and I knew I had to tell him. But he told me for something I hadn't done, and I went down there.

And he saw my old car, and he knew I was on the premises, and he knew I wasn't gonna stay. Very same hunting for me, and it busted in my office like a big mechanical office. And how come it defended myself with a shotgun? Because I didn't have the safe. I had the loot.

And I just got there by birth and I just sat there by there, and I said, just leave me alone. I don't work for anymore. I'm down here to clean up this set. I'm here to see what you've told me for last year that you didn't do. And as soon as I was that even, let's see.

I'll get the hell out of here on the wrong power. You don't have to send me out. And you'll never end me up better as long as you live, but for God's sake, leave me alone. I've got to get even with you. And it's gotten you trapped.

And he said what the hell happened to me, traffic? And I just don't know. And I didn't. But he knew something had happened. And I didn't promise his wonder.

When I got back in the business, maybe 6 months, maybe a year, maybe 2 years, I'd be sitting with people talking maybe over lunch. Got a business deal. And the guy stopped there in the middle of a sentence And he said to me what the hell has happened to you, Charlie? I've been knowing this for 25 years and I don't know you. And I said, don't know.

And I didn't. The previous. Now I found out a few things sort of in this wise and this time category. 6 months after I got here. They send me one meeting every night of the week.

I discovered that I was sober and I had been for 6 months. Now that was the first discovery and that was a bad discovery where time to imbibe an idiot dump. Haven't had a drink herself for 6 months. That was the first discovery. The second turned sometime between the 1st 6 months and the second 6 months.

I discovered I had a family. And they were never not sickened. And I have to tell you this every day because it's because of me. She walks like she's walking on edge. And she's all wacky.

She lives up above the tracks. I love the kids here in Olympic down on the Flatlands where the poor people live. But she left in the big numbers, And she had big numbers. And why she ever went with me to meetings, I don't know except she was not a part of it. And from time to be in the 3rd 6 months and the second 6 months, people buy my house to get beat And she got less than 2 on the line.

And Edward required a surprise to her. She said, hey. Hey. Are you? You.

That's why. They know I had a wife. That's why he doesn't need it. And I wasn't. But sometime in that second, 6 months, I I discovered I had a family.

I know 11 months. And another 6 months went by, and I discovered I had a family sitting up that day. And business was good. Business was good. And not only bad discovery.

Not only a year went by, and I discovered that my own state of being was better than anything I've ever dreamed of in my lifetime. Life was just a good job. It was good, and that is not a bad discovery. Now maybe 5 years have gone by. Maybe 6.

I don't know. I don't know the great discovery. I discovered I was never alone anymore, that I had a god of my very own and whoever I am. Now this is the greatest discovery. What we make this discovery is the future is over.

Life is not over. That's yet to begin, but the shift is over. And it all came about by uncovering and discovering at the length of that. You see, the first discovery is enforced 6 months and since it's enforced for 6 months. That's necessary, isn't it?

And all these other discoveries had to happen before I could discover. And it's a fabulous thing because it's all inside. Everybody's will surrender any alcoholic that will honestly take them as he's doing it for only one reason, to buy it. That's the purpose of the first mindset. To squeeze us out of ourselves.

To get rid of what I believe to be the only roadblock between me and you and me and God. This is the human ego. The human ego. I think there's only one problem in life that includes all problems and one answer that includes all answers. And the problem is conscious separation.

The feeling of conscious separation stops. And you know what that is. And the answer is just the reverse of that. The feeling that here he left, leveling in a part of this great thing called life, good, God. That's pretty simple.

Whatever I see it, we of the human race have many problems. The problems are negative. And many are none little different from other problems. But the answer is all the same. The answer is all same.

And I do not believe that there is an answer to this things our life that does not include a personal acceptable conscious partnership with a living God that made us in the entire business living. I think that's it, and I don't believe there's any other. A personally acceptable conscious partnership with the living God that made us in the entire business of living. Now the body had to kill me to get out of the way before I made these discoveries. But that didn't have to happen in Mississippi.

And the world doesn't happen in any. Because the thing is not half hour. But sea ends at the point. Right. See, doesn't speak from sea.

That life has still is falling in the sun. Why is not tearing off? And as he told you yesterday, she got busy applying these same principles of ours to her own life to find answers for herself. And so she's found the same answers. Right?

And none of you have done the same thing, did she? And it's all inside that. And how in the world we got the far we moved from these little set of things. I have difficulty, finding out satisfactorily for myself. Because from the beginning of time, people in all ages have the same thing.

Hello? The popular man 2000 years ago Well, the father and I are 1. That's pretty close. Because I am in the father who and me and I knew. Now that that's all, distant relationship at all.

That has to be critical to many 5 jobs. Because the kingdom of heaven is within you. Within you. Now I'm aware we got so far away from those little simple things. And they've been announced since the earliest writings that we have by certain peoples in all stages.

I do so far civilization that we live in. I mean, that's all for all of them. We got a guy with whom we all know. I mean, maybe. Mary r.

She is a beautiful you know, they're all listed. It's what it takes you out of the garden is because we we mustn't run with an apple or something. And Moe says that them all in trouble. Is this? I think that world is the fruit of the fear of the knowledge of good and evil.

That is duality. Duality. Conscious separation. I had automatically take this out of God in Eden. God didn't take us out at all.

I don't know how many of you have seen, Oh God. Yep. The movie. Let me let a chance look at it because it's filled it all for my eyes. So I thought that it's the name 5 dots.

There's only 1 cover of this cover. All these idiots that these that were my hours because we were caught that they were French, I'm gonna hurry up and quit. I've just got farthest, mister. I'm gonna come back sometime. You know, I was born in the family of 2, 4, the plane before I had the white boy.

Get without nothing. I know you had to get it. And in order to get it, you had to get a good education. Because you had to get out there in that battlefield and out there to outperform and outmaneuver in order to ease out of measurable living out of none from the universe. The last 2 series of life set us up to the salt line.

The only begets your womb. God will take the animals. You gotta be left first. This is the most. Now I went out of 13.

I was on my own 13, and I worked hard to get that I thought I was born without. I'd eat my brains out. Forget. I was not a confidence man, and I wasn't a fat buck artist. I worked hard to get.

And I ended up at the ripe old age of 43, A failure as a husband, a father, a businessman, a man, and a drunk. Every department of life. A failure. And I started going to rub out a record 32 years ago. Now your tenant rub out a record, thinking I want, I don't want, I like, I don't like.

If you're gonna web out a record, you gotta do something for somebody without a prospect on it. I would have even more than what I was doing. My motivation flipped from getting to adding to. I didn't even know that had happened. I discovered it long, long after that.

Have you heard of them? 11 years after I got broke, I bought that business that they were throwing me out at. And I sold it a few years back. And if I don't live too long, I'll never be hungry. You know?

And I never did anything in that last 25 years in the business where I could get anything. My life has been one cross the car for 32 years. At home, at play, at business, at church if you got one. Hello? In life.

One quest that's called. All I have done for 32 years is try to help those kids do things that need to have done if they don't want to. Probably helped just nearly did I better run it. I ended up doing the same thing because I want to, because I love it. And, of course, in being that, I proved to myself that saint Francis knew exactly what he was talking about.

When he said for it as he did it, let me receive. Now nobody will ever know that until he did it and prove it. And I know it because that's what I did. And I got rich at the same best doing the same job, but I hated in January December 19 45. I hated it.

Hated the bar. Hated everybody that it worked for me. But I started trying to live out a record. And when I started out, baby, the 60 guys are working for me. They're a military that makes the skin on the inside of their hands.

Mechanics, mailman, cabinetmakers, metalman, painters, installers, old boy, mechanic, Woodland. And every one of them cried like babies when I sold and so did I. Because, you see, I've learned to love the thing that I hated and love the people that I hated just by change of attitude. Now, they also taught me as a kid that we had only worthy of merit, the grace of God. Had that been correct, no one of us would be here this morning.

We wouldn't have a program without politics and honor. If there were others who had to earn anything, 23 years ago, he claimed they'd done it. He's got a diagnostic. And he drives gin. And that gin is not so bad.

Of a lever. Yes. Because after I've left on, it's that bad and last sort of. Big white 30 to 10. Because in 6 months, you're gonna have to either bury him or lock him up forever.

He'd be a great mania. Now that doesn't get information when you're feeling good. But if he swept out all over, he did it all. And that's what Billy did. I knew that I passed now until we are.

Had I had the oil industry 32 years ago, I would not be here. I'd have died for that coming. So it sent me 16 years of life to learn that the very worst grace needs a free gift. Look at that in your dictionary. Never have your own beyond all shadow of a doubt that the gift of God has made the foundation here.

The universe is mine. The universe is The universe is yours. The gift of God to his death. And he's always known it But you and I have to discover it for ourselves. We have to make the discovery for ourselves.

And if we be alcoholic, we have to be it in our own way and in our own time. And how long it takes it takes and what it takes it takes. I didn't spend one second in hell that wasn't absolutely necessary. I felt bad for hell because that's what got me here. You see?

That's what that means. So You put all the free gift. You put all the conditions and that is, you see. There it is. I hear a lot of people get up to explode you.

And they say you gotta learn the love as well. And if they will go down and let us know, that we won't let anybody else. I wouldn't go down in this evil up here talking about rebuilding our self confidence. I'd let it take 5 seconds time to learn how to love me. I have this saddest idea of how to go about learning how to love me.

Matter of fact, I don't want to. I haven't got time. And then now maybe Julian had something last night when he said he liked women better. And I maybe would know that because I certainly like women better. So I've never said a second time that that had allowed me.

Years. And if there's one thing I don't want any part of, it's self confidence. Out of value and enough self confidence for everybody west the Mississippi River. My self confidence kept me 5 libido that I had lost. 10 years after I lost it.

And I was saying to myself 5 years after everybody couldn't listen to me. I beat this thing ever till last day I ever do. I had to tell my place to be in the last day I ever did. I don't want any self funding, and I don't need it. Because the prelate needs the individual are not to be needed and to be what.

This is what needs to be under the joy of the love and to do. The love and to do. If you love something or somebody, you do something for them. And that's what matters to you, isn't it? That's what pays off.

It's just easy. We do something for. We got a rock guy at home. Many of you heard it. Good boy.

Good member of the Leprocholny. They called me at midnight 1 night. He was. I said, the damn thing is the same at 10 o'clock in the morning, you use 12 As an action. If you love somebody or something, you do something for him, them, and that's the payoff.

Something for them without a crack. So out of painters came an action pattern that has allowed me to find a life that is so good that I can't even come close to describing it. Me. 32 years without a without even one conscious desire for a drink. Not yet.

I've been called a liar and open meeting for saying that. If I'd like to see the same even imagine a situation like that. That is the way it is. And I'm sick of the death that I never had a conscious desire for death in 32 years. Because when I had conscious desire for death, I got drunk.

You see? And I haven't had to do that for 32 years. Now this is my total and complete creed for living. I'm either gonna run my life and take the consequences thereof, or I'm not gonna run it and take consequences thereof. And I can't run my life.