The history of AA and the 12 steps in Jekyll Island, GA

All become humble. A humble alcoholic is an oxymoron. Some kind of a moron. I don't know. It just isn't true.

They didn't all practice humility, and neither do we. It isn't true. You know, it isn't humble. I'm very, very smart. What am I supposed to tell you?

I'm dumb, and that's humble? That's not humble. That's bullshit. And I know why I'm smart. I was born smart.

God God made me smart. I didn't make me smart. God made me smart. I have an ability to communicate this program to you. I think it's none of my business.

I got that. I do it. It's not my thing. It's God's thing. And that's what this prayer is about.

This is a very interesting prayer even from a a theological sense. In my generation, which is the generation of the Spanish American war, If you were fortunate enough to go to a Catholic university, you were required to take 4 years of theology and 4 years of Thomistic Saint Thomas philosophy. And so I was, and I I qualify by training as sort of as an amateur theologian. And I know what what prayers are supposed to be like. This is a very, very unusual prayer, very unusual prayer.

When I was going through the school system, especially in the grammar school, I I used to hear this all the time from sister. Sister was a very good teacher, and I had 8 of them on each year. And each one basically said the same thing and gave me her understanding of God. But one of the things I heard all the time was God loves good little boys. I heard that all the time.

The trouble with that was I was not a good little boy. I was a bad little buzzer brat, and I'd wait for those good little boys to show up. Those ones had clean shirts, and they had pencils, and I'd whack on them and steal their lunch. Yeah. I was a little rat.

I smoked in the 4th grade. Yeah. Completely. So if God love good little boys, I'm screwed. I'm out.

Right? Look at this. It says take all of me, good and bad. Good and bad. God likes bad little boys.

God likes bad little boys just as well. And you and I come here with that combination of both. Do we not? Good and bad. And that bad, as we characterize bad is very, very useful.

Thank you, Tom. When that new person comes through that door and they say, you don't understand. I mean, I'd like to get sober, but you don't understand. I just got out of jail. I'm a bad person.

Are you kidding? Who got out of jail? 90 guys put up their heads, talk to him. They just all got out of jail. So you don't understand.

I'm, I'm, you know, I'm really not worthy to come here. I, I got fired from my job. I was Jesus Christ. That's almost a prerequisite. You know?

Everybody? And so, well, you know you know, it's it's I'm I'm sinful. I committed adultery. Oh, Christ. The whole room stands up.

Hello. Hello, Charlie. You know? Swap a few stories here. Good and bad.

See? Later on, it says to us, no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. Correct? That bad business will benefit others. The book says sometimes an alcoholic's only asset is his past.

Correct? Flat broke, Pest. What do we share with each other? Experience, strength, and hope. Good and bad.

God loves bad little boys. Then it says the purpose of this prayer. Now I was taught there were many kinds of prayer, petitions, of course, asking for things, and, prayers for forgiveness and that kind of stuff. But that all prayers were in effect to ask God to to come into our lives. This prayer has a very specific purpose.

Look at it. What it says, it says so that I will be useful to him and to my fellows, to him and to you. Be useful. That's the only purpose of this prayer that I, you, we, be a useful member of Alcoholics Anonymous. How's that?

And is that a difficult thing? You go to your meeting. Correct? You have a home group? You have a sponsor.

You're a useful member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and that's what it is. And that's all of this, and that's all that's required of us because the power of this program is gonna take everything we give them, good and bad, and turn that bad stuff into gold. See, I hear people say about their inventory. They're taking out the garbage. That's not garbage.

That's not garbage. That's gold because that's your experience that you're gonna share with somebody else. Those defects if the guy comes, he says, I'm afraid. Of course, you're afraid. Of Course.

You are afraid. My god. How can you be an active alcoholic and not be afraid? Course, you're afraid. Of course.

She said I've done the wrong. Of course, you've done the wrong thing. We've all done that. See, the whole purpose here, if I may say, is identification that you're the same as I'm the same. We're not different, you and I.

Nothing separates us. The disease of alcoholism made us the same. Nothing separates us. We are fellows. Gender does not separate us.

Position in life does not separate us. Economic, social advantage does not separate us. The book says, and it is so true, we are folks who would not normally mix. It says we are survivors of a great line that has sunk, and we're in that rowboat rowing away, surviving the the shipwreck. And brothers, that rowboat's going no place unless we all take a shot at the horse.

Right? And that's what this is. We speak to him, to the power that sustains me, sustains you, sustains this program, always has, always will. And that's all we ask. We say to him, we're ready.

We're ready. I'm ready. You ready? Sure. We're ready.

The 4th step and the 5th step are really the answer to the 3rd step prayer. 3rd step prayer that you and I say, we say we offer ourselves. We'd like to be of service to you. And the answer comes very clearly. It says, clean up your own house.

Clean up your own house. Later on, the book says, see to it see to it that your relationship with him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and for countless others. But obviously, obviously, you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with him is right, and great events great events will come to pass for you and for countless others. I count this opportunity as a great event that has come to pass.

And so if you would, I'll say it, and you would say it after me because I know you're not as familiar with this as you are with the 3rd step prayer, if you wish, if and if you're ready. Now if you're not ready, don't do it, because I don't do you any good. But if you're ready, and if you think you're ready, if you know you're ready, be ready, then then do this with me if you're ready. My creator, I'm now willing that you should have all of me. Repeat after me.

Good and bad. Good and bad. I pray that you now remove for me. I pray that you now remove for me. Every single defect of character.

Every single defect of character. Which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen. Goes on to say you have then completed step 7.

Let's come back at, 2 o'clock after lunch. Right? I'm still an alcoholic. Amen. And that, last discussion I'll tell you, it's every once in a while, you find out what's important.

You know? Because I spent a lot of time chasing things around that weren't important. I thought it was at the time, but I found out around here what's important. This is important. This is important.

I used to say to him, I used to you know, newcomers, we all whine, and I would whine. It was very important I get a good job. I thought it was very important. And I say, how do I you know, what should I do? How can I come over?

This elusive good job was always and he quoted the book. He said the answer to all of our problems is more spiritual development. So I say, alright. Sounds good. How do I develop spiritually?

He says, well, why don't you try mopping that floor over there? I said, I'm an attorney. I don't know how to mop floors. And what the hell is mopping floors got to do with getting a good job? He says, I don't know, but I'm mop floors for 3 years.

I got a hell of a job. Bastard. And he would do that all the time until and and you know what he said to me? He said, look. If that's so important to you, why don't you just spend all your time looking for a better job and leave me alone?

I tell that to people I sponsor. They give me some crap. I can't go to tonight. I'm on the bowling ice, please. You wanna be on the bowling team?

Be my guest. Be on the bowling team. Don't give me a lot of bullshit. Just go to the bowling team. Leave me alone.

Now Miami is a big place, and, we had a lot of people down here who had a power greater than their own called Eastern Airlines. You say, well, tonight's the meeting. I gotta put in my time at Eastern Airlines. I gotta build up my work at Eastern Airlines. Eastern Airlines is very important.

And who the hell would ever have thought that there would come a day when there was no Eastern Airlines and a power greater than their own went bankrupt. How the hell is it? A lot of people down there work for Pan American Airlines and spent their time improving their prospects with Pan American Airlines. A lot of people down there spent a lot of time working for a thing called Southeast Bank. Who the hell could ever imagine that all of these institutions would someday just not be there.

And they chose these people to put their reliance on something that was man made. See? Human powers. Human powers. They put their reliance on human powers.

And so have I and so have you at various times of our lives, have we not? And human powers have let us down for one reason or the other. Isn't that true? It's of course, it's true. It's true that other people have for one reason or the deliberately, intentionally, negligently, carelessly.

One reason or the other. What the hell the difference would make? They let me down. I relied on them for something to supply me with something, and I didn't get it. And even sadder to say sadder to say, people have relied on me, and I haven't performed and haven't given them what they relied on me for, whether intentionally or deliberately or just the way things work out.

So I found out that my as the book says, see to it that your real reliance must always be upon him. He will give you the fellowship you crave. That's what it says. That's true. And in that 7 step, you know, that prayer is a sort of a long prayer to know about.

It says we say something like this. I say I do the 7 prayer step for every day, but I do it a different way every day. And some days, I don't do it quite as long. Here's a version of the 7 step prayer that I use. Maybe it could help you.

Maybe it wouldn't. I don't really know. But here it is anyhow. Please let me be a member of AA today. How's that?

So let me be a member of AA today. Good enough? Be useful? Take it all, good or bad, whatever you want. Just let me be a member of AA today.

Thomas Merton was a, Trappist monk, very prolific author, and people of my generation read his biography in the fifties. His conversion into Catholicism, his entry into a a Trappist monastery, and was called the 7 story mountain. It was a bestseller in the fifties for many years, 2 or 3 years on the bestseller list. And Merton died some years ago in Asia. He had become very eastern toward the end of his life, very Buddhist, Hindu, although still a Trappist monk.

And after he died, they found a prayer that he had that, he had this they allowed him to build his hermitage. He had a one room cinder block thing in Kentucky at the Abbey of, good seventy. And when they went through his stuff, they found that he had a thing stuck on his his desk in this little cubicle he built for himself. And there was a prayer, and they've since published it. And when Martin prayed, he said, god, I thank you for everything you've given me.

I thank you from everything for everything you've taken away from me, and I thank you for everything you left me. Not bad. Thank you for everything you've given me. You've given me life. Whatever talents I have, sometimes they are considerable.

Thank you for taking away that desire to drink, that active alcoholism, and thank you most of all for what you left me. The fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and each and every one of you. Good prayer. It's a good prayer. And we pray, do we not, to be useful, and as the 4th and 5th step are the answer to the 3rd step prayer, the 8th and 9th step are the answer to the 7th step prayer.

You wanna be useful? You say to God, please let me be useful. So you wanna be useful? Fine. Clear away the wreckage of your past.

That's how you're gonna be useful. You're not gonna be useful to me if you're spending your time ducking and dodging around because you haven't made amends to the people you've harmed. You're not gonna be useful to me or to your group if you keep worrying about people you screwed 10 years ago that you won't get even with. If you wanna be useful to me, says he. First of all, make a list of all the people you've harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.

So I'm hanging around some more. I'm pretty cool now. You know? I know where to park your car. I know where the bathroom is.

I know how to get the coffee. Newcomers are coming around. You know? Sit over there, I say. Don't drink.

You go to meeting. She'll be alright. Stop that goddamn whining. Right? The second time with these people.

And he says, have you made a list of? I'm working on that. Oh, a couple of months go by, and he says, where's he at? How about dead people? You know that look?

He says, look. It doesn't say make a list of all people now alive who you harm. It just said make a list of all people you harm. All. That's not a big word.

All. Everybody. Oh, everybody. Yeah. Oh, dead people.

Oh, yeah. Dead people. Oh, about a month later, he said, where's the list? Wait a minute. I said, how about people who have moved away, and I'll never see him again?

He said all. So each one. Everybody. Everyone. Says in all, not a big word.

You're a very bright all. 2 months later, where where's the? I said, wait a minute. How about people who didn't catch me? How about the ones I screwed if they don't know it?

He said, forget it. You don't have to do the list. I said, that's good. I don't. He's not you're exempt.

You don't have to do the ASAP list. I said, good. What should I do? I don't wanna tell you what he told me. He said, you don't have to do anything.

Why don't you just buy a gun and shoot yourself in the head? It's because you don't wanna do this. You wanna get drunk. He said stop the bullshit and write down everybody you're harmed. He said I could write you a list in 2 seconds.

Now since that time, I've seen a lot of an awful lot of 8 step list. They're all the same. They're the same as mine. What do we screw? The nearest get it first and foremost.

Right? The closer you are, the sooner you get it, The longer you get it, and the more often you get it. Who do you think you look around school and perfect strangers? You first, you do it to your family because they're handy. They're there.

So you do it to all of your favor and scrotum. You harm them. Mhmm. Of course, you do. Then you do it to the people you work with and for.

Of course, they're next because that's where you are next most. And then you do all of your friends and all of your neighbors. Who the hell else will we do? I can write that. I can each I make up a form.

Just fill in the names. You know? You're married. What's your wife's name? Name your kids.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. And we do it the same way to everybody.

We're selfish. We're self centered. We're dishonest. We cheat. We lie.

We steal. We disappoint. It's part of active alcoholism. None of us is worse than the other. We do.

The only thing I haven't seen around here is cannibalism. The guy in Milwaukee, he was in a program. He you know? But other than that, so so you did it. So you did it.

Write it down. Yeah. And I'm fooling around with this thing for about 4 months, and he gives me, you know, the ultimatum. So I write a list, and I give it to him. He takes a look, gives it right back.

So what's the matter now? He said, where's this man? The man who fired me as a tenure professor at the end of law school, he had gone on to become a federal judge. So where's where's he? Said he fired me.

Yeah. He's I know that, but where's his name on this list? Fuck. Get me in on my list. He screwed me.

He fired me. He said, are you kidding? You harmed him. I harmed him. He screwed me out of a lifetime job.

Bastard, He's on the list, and until you're willing to make amends to this man, you're never gonna get so. I powdered for about 2 months. Crap. Said he's he my name is on his list. Said he don't have a list, stupid.

He's an alcoholic like you. He don't even know you're alive. He's gone on to bigger and better things. He's a federal appeals judge. 2nd highest court in the country.

He's worried about you. Some drunk rattling around. Busted. So I put his name on the list. A Funny thing happened to me when I was writing that second list, he rejected the first list.

When I was putting names out, it was sort of like a click, and I said, alright. Alright. I don't know how I'm gonna do this, but I'll I'll take care of it. But he was such a a nag to sponsor mine. He's always on my case.

I said to him one day, what the hell are we talking about here? Is this magic? You know, this crazy or something? I'm writing people's names on the list and all other things happen. What are we talking?

This is witchcraft. You know? This has no possible logical relationship to anything. Does it? Be writing a guy's name down and pay for what you did to him, and all of a sudden you're supposed to feel better.

I mean, what the hell is that? Take it out of the context. Doesn't mean a thing. Is it magic? He said it's magic.

I said, well, I don't believe in magic. He said, well, it's too bad you should because this is magic. Yeah. It's magic for you, you dumb bastard. So let me tell you what happened.

This was in, like, 1966, and, this guy that fired me had gone on to be a federal court judge, appellate judge, second circuit, very important guy. I'm in Palm Beach, Florida one time speaking at one of the things at dinner they had, And I'm out to dinner with a guy who very successful AA guy down there, and he says, you know, you should take the bar exam here. Look. Someday you might wanna live here and open up an office, and this guy was chairman of the board of a bank. I like guys like that.

I love chairman of the Board of Bank. You get so love those guys. Oh, okay. So I took the bar exam. Now, of course, of course, I passed it.

And, of course, they sent me a form to fill out because I was out of state practicing lawyer, and it said, list 5 judges before you have appeared, for whom you have appeared who will vouch for you. And I put down the name of the fellow who fired me, who's on the 2nd highest court in the United States, and before whom I had appeared, and to whom I had made all my amends and who ultimately had been on my list. And now it's 1974 or fired. And then it has another question. You ever been fired from a job?

I said yes. Why? Alcoholism. Please explain. Active alcoholic, member of AA, boopity boop, stick it in your nose.

I get a letter. Letter says, please come to West Palm Beach and see boopy doopy and explain your answer to question 72. Have you ever been fired? So down I come. I walk into an office in Palm Beach.

Here's this guy about £400 with red suspenders behind the deck. He said, mister O'Keefe? Says, I have a letter here from the United States Court of Appeals for the 2nd Circuit. You don't have to be interviewed any further. Welcome to Clark.

Magic? Magic. Write somebody's name down. 1966. Right?

1975, the guy opens up the gate, says step over here. This is where the money is. Come right in. Take a crack at the dough. What is that?

What the hell is that? I don't know. That is but that's what happened. And I don't wanna make it, man to the guy anymore, and I wanted to go to the moon. Bastard.

Fire me. Nerve him. Last winter, I got a phone call with some other guy. This judge is now retired. He's had some medical problems, sir.

I got a call from another guy. Please come up and see the judge. I went see the judge, and he fell all over me. Well, just having a love feast last winter because he's sick and he thinks he's gonna die. I said, please.

Please. Whippals. Whippals. I could tell you all kinds of stories about this and, all the things that happened because I made this list. It's probably not the best list that was ever made, but it was my list, and I made it.

And I went around, and, you know, it's very difficult. Our book says, for instance, you can scarcely make amends to a family in a lifetime. Scarcely make amends. In a lifetime, what are you gonna do? You have a lot of people, a lot of like, 7 kids.

I make amends for years of drunkenness. All but one of my kids. Well, I guess all but 2 of my kids saw me drunk. 5 kids saw me drunk. The other 2 that I don't know how you make amends.

So I said to my spouse, what do you do about these babies? And he said, you're gonna go to a lot of little league games. I used to go to Little League games when I was drunk. I used to have a bottle in the car, and I'd park in a parking lot, and I'd watch the game. You know, when I put those body helmets on, I couldn't tell one from the other.

But if he's on my kid's team, and he got a hit, I'd turn on the lights in the car and have a drink. And if it really looked like one of my kids, I'd blow them on. And I would say, what the hell was who's out there in the parking lot? It's okay. He's out there, broke in the sky, you know, watching the ball game.

That harms your kids. So I went to a lot of little league games. So I was set up in, like, stands with the mothers. Nothing like a great baseball game. 32 to 20 next to the mother of the second basement.

Oh, brother. I'll tell you listen to this. I had a guy up there. I had a very first of all, I had a very curious definition of harms. I recognized physical harm.

I wasn't very physical, so that wasn't much. And I recognize financial harm, but that's all I I didn't recognize emotional harm, spiritual harm, any other kind of harm. It's I don't none of that wimpy behavior. If I told you you're an asshole, why would you get upset? I wouldn't tell you an asshole unless you wore one.

You just got them all excited over your I said, I told him. He's he is one. Come here, you. You heard it? I go to your wife, throw in a cat.

These wimpy bastards, they you know, they can't handle a little criticism. I want them. Nerds. They shouldn't be walking around. She should stay home, stay out of traffic.

Bad attitude. That was my attitude. Very bad attitude. I also had a very peculiar notion of what what an a men's maid met. There was a guy up there named Stewart, great guy and a lawyer.

And the last summer before I stopped drinking, so you know the shape I'm in, Steward hired me to write a book with him. I was a professor of a certain subject, and he wanted a book written, and he wanted his name on it for business reasons. He was a lawyer, and it wouldn't hurt me in academic life either. So I agreed to write the book. He agreed to pay me, and he was very faithful.

He sent a check every Friday, and I was very faithful. I cashed it every Friday. And at the end of the summer, there was no book. Now, of course, he was on my list. I recognize I kinda I screwed him.

Out of some dough. It was about $15,000, and my sponsor knew him too. And he said to me, what are you gonna do about Stewart? He saw Stewart's name. Oh, I said, I'm gonna take care of Stewart.

He said, good. What are you gonna do? I said, we're gonna go to his office and see him. He said, yeah. That's good.

And when you go to his office and see him, what are you gonna do? I said, I'm gonna tell him I'm sorry. I suppose I said, let me see if I have this right now. You owe a New York lawyer $15,000, and you're gonna tell him you're sorry, and that's it. I said, that's it.

He's how about the $15,000? I said, I don't have $15,000. I don't have $1500. I'm just getting started here. He says, what do you think amends means?

I said, amends means. Means? I'm going over there and tell mom, son. And you have no idea, I said, how sincere I am When I tell you how sorry I am that I owe Stewart all that money, the depth of my sincerity knows no bounds. I am completely, honestly, sorry that I can't pay him back the dough.

Because we're not you know how to look at, don't you? Just you know that's superior, Smirky. He opens up the book. You know what it says? It says, a mumbled apology will not do.

I said, do you mean I he said, I tried. That's a lot of money. He said, you drank it up. You don't have to bring that up. I said, yes.

My drinking was very bad. Matter of fact, my relationship with drinking was just like the time that cat screwed the skunk. He didn't get all he wanted, but he got all he could stand. So he said you put put Stewart on hold, and we'll see what happens. Well, here's what happened.

Lawyers split fees. You know, everybody knows lawyers split fees. I had a case. Somebody had died from a very remarkable antibiotic. It was very effective.

It said it had a terrible side effect. It'd kill you and takes out your spleen. So it was a terrific antibiotic. It was called chloromycetin, but it took out your spleen. And it took out this guy's spleen, and I was representing.

And that was the subject of the book I was writing, wrongful death. So I took the case down to lawyers, and I gave it to Stewart. I said, Stewart, you take care of this case. So when the money comes, you know, so that's a valuable case. I worked a lot.

That was a good life, very valuable life. So in the fullness of time, I got a call from Stewart. He said it's done, and you have to sign up there. For most places, you sign where the money goes. You know?

You got a test as an attorney. The money's going here. The money's going there. So so I went down. I signed in his office, signed up everything.

And it was, you know, it was more than enough. I said, now when you get the dough, Stuart, take the dough you that I owe you. Just send me the rest of everything. Hotsey totsy. Now we're pals.

We shook hands, and we hugs, and we kiss. You know? Do our little jig. And, the following Saturday, I was sitting at home with my friend Bob from the group, and here comes the mailman. And I said to Bob, I think I got a check-in here.

And if so, I'll take your lunch. And there was a letter from Stewart with a check for the full amount, the whole amount. So the letter says, dear Ray, here's a check on the whole amount. This was some time ago. Let bygones be bygones.

Guys. We understand you're doing a good job in that program. Keep it up. Best regards love. Stewart, What's that?

That's when I knew the fucking program worked. I don't need my room to light up. I don't need that wind coming through. Just put that check on my desk, and you watch me have a spiritual experience. Now what is that?

I mean, what in the world does that? How does that how do you do that? I no more wanted to give him anything. But it wasn't my fault he wanna write a stupid book. I didn't ask him to write this stupid book.

He asked me to write. You do what you're told. Our book says to us 9 out of 10 times, the unexpected happens. That's what the book says. 90% of the time, the unexpected happens.

We think we're so slick with, you know, we're figuring out what's gonna happen a year from June. I haven't a clue. I haven't the slightest idea. Every day I get upset. Oh, look what happened now.

Look what happened now. It's the most incredible thing. It just happens. It just happens. I don't know how it happens, and it's very, very important.

The 1212 says that defective relationships were the immediate cause of all of our problems, including our alcoholism. Imagine that. Medicine doesn't know the cause of alcoholism. They talk, you know, like they do know, but they don't know. They talk crap.

They talk about endorphins and neurotransmitters and and all this baloney, and then they end up with the x factor. If you know any science, the x factor is the unknown. They don't know. We know. Our book says defective relationships are the primary cause of all of our troubles, including our alcoholism.

Defective relationships. There is a piece of me missing that keeps me from truly relating to you. Selfish, self centered. I can't connect with you. I can't relate to you.

See to it. It says your relationship with him is right, and you will be able to relate one to the other. You will find, it says, the fellowship you crave in a fellowship is that relationship that you and I have. It's so close that we can sit down one with the other when we're almost strangers and tell each other what's the matter. Yeah.

What's the matter? That's it. That happened to me. Yeah. I had it.

Right? We can do that. We can be close and not know each other very well at all. That's about why not? Why not?

The Buddhist say this is that. This is that. It's all connected. We are connected in the best possible way. We are fellows in a great fellowship.

Fellowship of the spirit. Right? And we have to pay our dues. We just have to pay our dues. We have to make amends.

Clear away, it says, the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you receive. Join us. Surely, you'll meet some of us as we trudge the road of happy destiny. It's a trudge.

It ain't a hop, skip, and a jump gang. We trudge that road of happy destiny, but sooner or later, later or sooner, we're all going to the same place. Now it's all gonna be a spiritual awakening. But you can't do it if you are living in the wreckage of the past, and that's what the amends are. Clear away the wreckage of your past.

That's what it is. And do it openly and freely. I had nothing but good experiences, although I went to see one clunk lawyer I had screwed in a nonfinancial sort of a I had a very bad mouth. Very bad mouth. It's I've got much better.

Very quick, though. Very quick, man. And I had interfered with this guy's practice by badmouthing him, and he knew about it. So I went over to Sam. I was sober 2, 3 years.

And he was a big shot. Everybody I know is a big shot. So he said, what do you want? So I'm here to straighten out that misunderstanding we had when I said those things about you a few years ago. He said, I didn't like you very much then, and I don't like you much better now.

You do me a great favor. Get the hell out of here. Boy, what a rat. I called my sponsor. I said, this prick won't sit still while I amend him.

He's and my sponsor said, what do you think? It's for him? I said, I'm catching me. I know it's that's not for him. I know that.

It's all for me, said I. He said, wrong again, dumbbell. He said, listen. It's not for him, and it's not for me. What the hell's going on here?

And he opens up that book again. He was forever doing that. Here's what the book said. The book says there's a paraphrase. Of course, the book says, of course, you wanna get your life in order.

Of course, you do. Who the hell doesn't wanna get their lives in order at this stage of game? Of course. Of course. Of course.

But that is not an end in itself. The real purpose is to be of maximum service to God and those around you. See? That's the purpose. That's the answer to the 7 step prayer.

The 7 step prayer says I wanna be useful. At the end of this step, it says, you wanna be useful. You do 8 and 9. You will be of maximum use to god and those around you. Fits like a glove.

Correct? Correct. And that's what it's about. It's not about drinking. I haven't said a word about drinking all day long.

It's about being of service and developing a relationship with God. See to it see to it that your relationship with him is right. That's the whole point here. And the book tells us before the famous promises. You all know the famous promises.

But before that, the book says this on the very same page. The spiritual life, it says, is not a theory. That's what it says, and they underline this. They italicize this. We have to live it.

This is not a program of bullshit. This is a program of living, of action. Now you can't talk the talk and not walk the walk. You can't do it. You won't stay sober.

That's all. We don't have any sanctions here. You know? I can't send you to a year, 90 days or something. Send a note home to your mother.

He's not cooperating. It's what I used to send home about me. I throw him in the sewer. Our sanction is much more dangerous than our sanction is whiskey. Whiskey, you do this or you die is a very simple matter.

Very simple. You do it or you die. As I don't like it, they allow. You find a better place, you can go to it. It says there may be some wrongs we can never fully right.

So don't worry about it. Do the best you can. Do the best you can. Be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble. Says the same thing.

No matter what you're reading about, whether you're reading about the second step, the 3rd step, the 6th step, so it's all the same. It's all the same. And what it amounts to is very simple. Be a nice person. Do do good.

Don't be such a shit. Get on with your life. Let's get to it. Have faith in god. He brought you the way you are.

He brought you the way you are, and that ain't so bad, is it, gang? No more whining. If you know what I'm gonna say now. You know what this is. If if we are painstaking, that is we take pains, With this phase of our development, we'll be amazed before we are halfway through.

I said to him, I had about 2, 3 years, I guess. So when do I get these promises? You know, they read them in all the meetings. I'm not getting any of that stuff. He said, are you amazed?

I said, no. I don't think so. He said, well, hell, you're not even halfway through. That's what it says. We'll be amazed before we are halfway through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. Can you imagine that? Any freedom I could possibly have would be new. I never had any freedom. I never did.

I could I could never go or come or do or not do. I went where the alcohol took me. I wasn't free to come and go. I had to be where the booze was. I was tethered to the drink.

I couldn't be sometimes, you know, like, go to a baseball game. Jesus Christ is 4 hours. I'm actually getting very drunk at most of the ballparks, but that's no way to go to a ball game. Better stay home and get drunk. You don't get too much trouble.

And I knew happiness. I don't think I was ever happy. I don't think so. I had pleasure. You know, pleasure comes from time to time, but I was really never happy.

And that's an ongoing thing. I think I have that now, but it's, obviously, in my case, it has to be new. We will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it. That's what I was telling you before. Experience.

Don't shut the door in the past. That's gold. I passed yours and mine. That's gold, brother. We will comprehend the word serenity, and we will know peace.

Can you imagine an alcoholic comprehending the word serenity and knowing peace? I never had a peaceful moment when I was on that whiskey. I was going to it or coming from it or getting around it or get off it or getting on it or covering it up or something. No peace. And this, it says we comprehend the word serenity, and we will know peace.

That's important. Here we go again. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. Don't tear up that past. That's very, very important stuff.

We will lose interest in you know, that feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. That was me. In addition to being hopeless and powerless, I was also useless. You could bring a guy here from Venus. I said, what's that thing in the chair there?

He'd say, that's useless. The one in his underwear with a bottle of vodka and a cigarette there, that's old useless over there. He's of no use to anybody, including himself. That was me. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

I don't wanna butcher you too much. Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

And our book says life is not something to be endured or mastered, that it's an adventure and a pleasure, and it is. In my life, most times, I know it to be a gift, and I know it to be a prayer, sometimes even a song. I'm a happy camper most of the time. We will intuitively know how to handle situations, which used to baffle us. Why?

I can do that. Especially in AA, I can do that. I don't want that intuitive plane. I'm usually right. Of course, when I was drinking, I had to touch.

You know? That's spelled backwards. Everything I touched turned as shit. And here's the thing that's in every reading of this book, we will suddenly realize that God is doing for us all the things we could not do for ourselves. And I'm here to tell you that these are not extravagant promises.