Big Book Study on Steps 3 & 4 in Prescott, AZ

Your actions don't demonstrate that consciousness. And it's not that we lose the knowledge of the first step. I've had times where I could go give a lecture on the body, mind, and spirit, the 3 part problem in the first step, but the consciousness of the first step is not there. You know those times when you don't want to make amends and they're just coming into your life and you're making them and you don't want to? You know those times when you don't wanna write inventory and it's just coming out of you and you're writing and you don't wanna write?

That's when the consciousness of the preceding steps is moving you through the one you're in. But that consciousness can be lost. I believe if we really look at step 1, we will see we will see a deeper experience with step 1 in step 2. It's not like step 1 ends when you move into step 2. I think the truth about step 1 and the consciousness that it produces and the power behind that consciousness should get deeper in each step.

For example, you've looked at 1, 2, and 3. You're in inventory. You're seeing your first step in black and white. In a men's, you're sitting across from somebody in their living room. You're seeing your you're seeing your first step in color right in front of you.

I believe if it is like an onion, you can go deeper into the first step as you move through 1 through 9. So this lady says, whether going forward through the steps or whether going backwards through the steps, what happens to people is they get stuck on the dash. The dash turns upside down into a wall, and all of a sudden, amends are about the unmanageability of your life. Things have straightened out. Why go on?

Because it's not about what's on the other side of that dash, which is, do I still believe I'm powerless over alcohol? So here's a prayer. Anybody anybody stuck in amends, I got a great prayer for you. If you don't wanna hear it, cover your ears because it will mess up your consciousness. And here's the prayer.

Dear God, please show me if these unfinished amends have anything to do with whether I drink again or not. Amen. Because I'll tell you what, 99.9% of the people I've met that have gone out, Mark was talking about relapse last night, Go out behind unfinished amends. You could use that same prayer around resentments. Dear God, show me if this resentment has anything to do with whether I'll drink again or not.

You could do that with your daily practice of 10 and 11. I want to talk about steps 23. If you want to open your big book up to Chapter 4, We Agnostics. Regardless of length of sobriety, we all have some agnosticism within us. A test of that is simple.

Take the last week and ask yourself in what areas of your life are you experiencing fear? If you have some areas of your life that you've experienced fear, my experience is because that's an area in your life in which you're still relying on self. The reason you're still relying on self is because you don't trust God with that area of your life. Linked to time away from a drink has not in and of itself removed at times for me various levels of agnostasis. My first step experience in seeing what that means brings me to chapter 4, wignostics in the second step, page 44.

The book is interesting. They will talk to you and I ask us to look at our experience to to diagnose what's wrong with this because after all no one can tell us anything. So, we have to come up with our own experience. And then they'll repeat and in one sentence they repeat what they spent 53 pages on. If when I honestly want to I found that I could not quit entirely.

So I say, is that you? Did you honestly want to quit entirely? Yes. Could you pull that off? No, I could not.

Or if when drinking I had little control over the amount I take, Is that me? Yes? Then I'm probably an alcoholic. Now, I have my truth. This is me.

One sentence sums up the first 53 pages And if this is the case, if this is my experience, I may be suffering from an illness which only circle that word, o n l y, a spiritual experience will conquer. Now, I've worked with people that said, Well, Mark, what does only mean? See, the first step will take you down a funnel and at the end of the funnel there's one option, a spiritual experience. Do you believe that? My first step took away my right to debate with you about God and God's power in my life.

My first step is what got me open minded. My first step is what keeps me open minded today. My willingness to lay aside prejudice. It's all connected to my first step in my need for power. There's a bunch of you here I know from halfway houses, treatment centers.

I don't know about the rest of you but there comes a point in time in your life where I hope you get sick with winding up in places like that and you're in places like that because you're trying to live your life on your power. How's it working? I hope you get sick of that at some point in time. I hope you wake up to your need for power and give up your right to no longer be willing to embrace this God idea and the power of God in your life. And I've had to do that in every single area of my life from my finances, to my physical health, to my relationships, all my life situation stuff ties me into this lack of power is my dilemma.

Page 45 talks about my resources as marshaled by my will were were not sufficient to failed otherly. Lack of power is my dilemma, is it? I had to find a power by which I could live and it has to be a power greater than myself. Obvious, is this obvious? See, every area of my life over the years in which I've been sober in which pain and suffering took me to a place where I wanted it to change.

Every single time what I saw in my first step is lack of power was my problem, my dilemma. Not knowledge, not knowledge. In every single area of my life ultimately it brought pain and suffering. Lack of power is my dilemma. I'm like a lot of you, I have far more knowledge than I need.

What I lacked was the power to turn that knowledge into a reality in my life. I'll give you a simple example and it is tied into drinking by the way. It's smoking. My consciousness about a year and a half ago said, we no longer wish to participate in this. That was not exciting news at that time.

So I began a journey. Now, I'm a real alcoholic and everything I do I'll take the easier softer way. So I went to a treatment center, the best in the country that works with that and I spent a week there. I got a ton of information, more information than I wished I'd ever gotten. They messed that up for me forever.

And I and what I'll report to you is over the last 14 months, I've had about 5 months in which I was smoke free. It was incredible. I'm smoking again. Is lack of knowledge my problem? No.

Lack of power is my problem. See, what person in their sane mind would do this thing? See, I'm insane in that area of my life and trust me I have tried it all. So, I'm reworking the steps right now in that scenario. Now, is there a connection between this life situation and the drink?

Yes. Why? Well, you can play that out in your mind how that could look. Where that could take you? What could happen?

Some forms of illnesses that could manifest in your mind one day says, oh hell you're going to die anyhow, a little drinky poo would nerd. See, any life situation I have ultimately is about me taking a drink. So, this is just one area of many in which I've come face to face with lack of power is my dilemma, not knowledge. Now, here's another part in this, I have a say in this thing about do I want to recreate my life. And no one can do that and no one can force me and no one can make me.

So, those are the things that have all come to me over the years every area of my life from my finances to this. Is lack of power of my dilemma? Yes, the book says, well that's exactly this book about. Its main object is enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. I forget this all the time.

I think I have to do something to solve my problem. That is not works. I go I pursue a course of action as outlined in the steps and a power shows up and solves my problem. Because see the part of me that creates the problem is not what I'm going to go to to eliminate the problem. So, I take a course of action to experience a power which solves the problem.

That makes my part in this somewhat simplistic. See, I'm not going to be the one who solves the problem. I'm the one who creates it. I pursue a course of action, this power shows up and the power solves my problem. I want to touch on some, some other highlights on, if you turn to page 47.

When I go back to the second step for me there's 2 parts to this in a bunch of great promises. The first part to this is in the middle of page 47 where we're gonna ask ourselves a short question. Do I now believe or I'm willing to believe there's a power greater than myself? I work with this every single time when I go back through the steps. It's a question, a consideration that I have to sit with.

Do I now believe or am willing to believe there's a power greater than myself? In any area of my life around my alcoholism, around any area of my life in which I need power, is there a power greater than myself that I can have an experience with? Is lack of power in some area of my life, is it a dilemma? If you'll turn over to page 50, the bottom paragraph. One of my favorite paragraphs in the whole book talks about here's thousands of men and women worldly indeed.

These men and women flatly declare since they come to believe in a power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that power and to do certain simple things. There's been a revolutionary change in the way of living and thinking. Look at the implications of that sentence. That's an amazing promise. If I'm willing to do some things, there will be a revolutionary change in the way I live and think.

In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of my human resources, I can find a new a new NEW. For those you've been around for a while, every time through the steps, NEW, new New levels of power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction will flow into me. This will happen to me soon after I wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements. Joe talked about that last night. There's some requirements as we go through this process.

The requirements that the steps are going to ask me to do are like kissing the baby's butt compared to what whiskey asked me to do. You lose that 1st step connection, the second, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th can seem overwhelming. Stay connected and they will not seem overwhelming. Think of what alcohol and or drugs ask of you. Think of what it has taken from you.

Stay hooked to that as you move through these steps. I mean think about this. Okay, do I now believe as a Power greater myself? Am I willing to choose that? Power is everything.

Let's see, if I don't I drink again and all that. Yeah, I think I will. The third step, you're going to make a decision to turn your will and life over to power. Let's see, I can do that or drink. Oh, yeah.

I can write these 3 inventories drink. Oh, you can read a 5th step drink. Identify my defects, take them to God in the 7th drink. Make a list of all the people, all the money. Go make amends to all these people or drink.

Gee, what's harder? You follow me? See, that's why the steps are circular. When Joe talks about every successive step should take you further into the first step. You need that connection in order to do it.

It's no different when you get to the disciplines of 10 and 11. Do the disciplines of 10/11 and die an alcoholic death. Let me think. See, and then 12 step work, which those of you who do it know, on the one hand it's a glorious incredible thing and on the other it is just pathetic. Whining and Especially when you still think you can help another alcoholic.

Yeah. So it goes on to say once confused and baffled, sober by the seeming futility of existence, they show the underlying reasons why we make heavy going of life. Life is not heavygoing. We make heavygoing of life based in our perception, our self will and our lack of power. Our unwillingness to accept what is.

We make heavy going of life. Then the book does it something very interesting. Leaving aside the drink question they tell why living is so unsatisfactory. Living was never going to get satisfactory to me until I had a revolutionary change in the way I think, the way I begin to perceive life. Then they describe what has to happen.

The consciousness of the presence of God. Joe talked about that. I've done the work also with some people who have been sober a long time. They had the same experience he described. It's profound.

There's a huge difference between living in the grace of God and conscious contact with that which provides the grace and I mean a huge difference. It's like going from one side of the planet to the other. If you'll turn over to page 53, middle paragraph, second part of the second step. When I became an alcoholic based on my experience crushed by a self imposed crisis, self imposed by the way, I could not postpone or evade. I have to fearlessly face the proposition, God is everything or God is nothing.

God either is or God is what is my choice to be and it is a choice. And by the way, it's the last choice you'll have to make as you move through the steps. You're going to have to make a decision and take some action. This is the last choice that you have to make. God is everything or God is nothing.

What are you going to stand on? First step, die an alcoholic death, unmanageable life sober, or make God everything. What should I do? See, you lose that first step and this second step can seem overwhelming to you. I tell people take a chill pill on the God issue.

We agnostics says quit trying to define or comprehend God. Because ultimately if you're like me you're going to experience God with an organ that is different than your mind. To experience God you must be out of your mind. Joe made a statement yesterday which I have found to be very true, My mind and my belief systems about God can be one of my biggest barriers to experiencing conscious contact with God. Any idea about god isn't god.

Another question for those that have been around for a while. Are you more interested in consciousness or conception? Page 55. Now, I think I'll let Joe talk for a little bit about second and we want to get into the 3rd step. If this thing is about power and I need power based on my first step experience then where and how to find that power becomes very important.

So, on page 55 the book says, I'm fooling myself for deep down inside every man, woman, and child is a a fundamental idea of God. This idea may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it, this idea of God is there. For faith in this power greater than ourselves and demonstrations of that power in human lives are facts as old as man himself. I finally saw faith in some kind of God was a part of my makeup. That means you don't have to do anything to bring it about.

Just as much is the feeling I have for a friend. Now, the next sentence tells you how you're going to experience this power. You have to search fearlessly. But it says, the power is there. The power is as much a fact as we were.

We're going to find the great reality deep down within ourselves. That's where you're going to find God. How we're going to experience God's power is to take the rest of the steps. Where we're going to experience God's power is deep down within us and in the final analysis it's only there that God can be found and that has been my experience. Steps 4 through 9 are about facing and being rid of that which has you blocked from experiencing that which is closer to you than breathing.

Now, that's a paradox. I mean people say to me, well Mark, I got to find God. Excuse me? What do you mean you have to find God? Where isn't God?

See, if there's nothing but God there can be no God. All is God. All that these steps ever did for me was make me awake, aware, mindful, conscious of that which is always present to me. If I'm not feeling separate from that identified with my mind, the main problem setters in the mind. I don't go looking for God.

I didn't come here seeking God. I was given a precise, specific, clear cut set of instructions. I took those and I came to experience this power, and I didn't have to go anywhere. Joe's got a funny story about that. He'll have to tell you because he he went down to India.

I I made a quote Up up to India. Up to India. Yeah. I'll let him talk about steps 2 and 3. I'm laying there in bed one night, and it's cold in India this night, and there's no power this night.

And I'm in bed, and I'm freezing to death, and I have my little Walkman that runs on batteries. And I pull out a tape of marks from about 4 years before I even thought of going to India. And I'm laying there, and I'm freezing, and it's it's not easy this night. We've all had those dark nights wherever you might live with the heat on. And, in the middle of this tape, Mark goes, you know, you don't have to go to India and study with the Dalai Lama Lama to, and then I remember my grand sponsor, Gary Brown, calling me one time before I went, but I knew I was going.

And he said, you know, you gotta be really careful within And he said, you know, you gotta be really careful with intuition. You can be off by 1 or 2 letters. How do you know your intuition is not saying go to Indiana? Right? Like in that movie, ever saw that movie always where there's, like, this Right?

I believe this big book contains the long form of the 12 traditions, the short form of the 12 traditions, the long form of the 12 steps, and the short form of the 12 steps. We've already seen in the first step there is a lot more than just admitting that you're powerless over alcohol and that your life is unmanageable. That's the short form. I love when somebody takes that spiritual principle mean, whatever. And they make up their own.

I know one that's left out. I think it's in every single step. The spiritual principle of admission. To let in to let truth in to let it be to let the truth be the truth. So if there's more to step 1 in the long form, we learned we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic bodily, mentally, spiritually.

This is the first step in recovery. Another two important lines that I think sum up the experience that you should be feeling by the end of step 1, I believe we're at the bottom of 42. 2nd paragraph. Here's the bottom line to the first step, last line of the second paragraph. This process snuffed out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself.

And the last line on that page, quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems. And then, of course, the summary on the bottom of 43. The scary thing about at a certain time, you have to ask yourself, do you know what that certain time would look like, feel like, or be like? And if you're truthful with yourself and you're anything like me, that certain time came when you were feeling good, feeling bad, those horrible times when you're just not feeling much at all. Things going good, things going bad.

So try, pray, pray that your first step is not grounded in circumstance or emotional state. You've got to ask yourself, maybe you're just an emotional drinker. But now your ways down the road, your emotions have straightened out. Maybe now you could get away with a few drinks, if you were just an emotional drinker who drank when they only felt bad. If it's a severe emotional problem, work on your emotions, getting them straightened out, find a way to cope with them, and deal with them, and work on them, and then maybe now you're like a normal person.

Or maybe you're a circumstantial drinker. Things go bad, you drink. Or maybe you're a real alcoholic, and emotional state doesn't matter as far as the craving and the obsession, and and circumstance doesn't matter either. I think sometimes I love when I'm sitting in a meeting and I hear medical doctors, psychiatrists, and religious people condemned in our program, failing to remember this. The first step came from a a doctor and a psychiatrist.

We got the craving from a nonalcoholic doctor, Silkworth. We got the mental obsession from the father of modern day psychology, Carl Jung, the mental obsession. The spiritual malady, we learned a lot from a a non alcoholic doctor, Harry Thiebaud. And 2 through 11 basically came from a fundamental religious organization called the Oxford Group. So be careful when you put down it's it's interesting that our entire program comes from nonalcoholics, but it happens between 1 alcoholic sitting with another, and you really need that connection.

Addicts working with alcoholics and alcoholics working with addicts. You know, if you have a choice, find somebody with the same first step. I mentioned going deeper into the first step as you move into step 9. I also believe your second step gets deeper. Your third step will get deeper, or you'll get further away from those three considerations.

The first half of step 2, this is what we do with someone. You would think, having seen what you've seen in step 1, that it's now time to go home and see how much faith you have. I found something really interesting with our book big book. It says, and this can be with somebody with time too, you've come through the first step. You're looking at step 2.

The first proposition is, do you now believe or are you even willing to believe that there is a power greater than yourself? A lot of newcomers think they take the second step. They're supposed to wake up the next day with absolute faith. It doesn't say came to believe, do you now believe or are you even willing to believe in a power greater than yourself? Just that there is.

Right? You go home and you say to yourself, well, I believe this much, and now I should increase my faith and go home and see how much faith I really have. I found the big book says, well, isn't about this much of it really faith and other things, people sentiment, money, and yourself, your own mind, and it gets smaller. Isn't about this much of it about money? Santa Claus God, worship of things, sunset.

Even the sunset, the sea, or a flower can distract you from looking within. Even when your motives are good, it can be a block to god. So I think the first half of step 2 is to see that you have about this much faith, and what we do is we have people go through the entire chapter with this proposition in mind. Do you now believe one short question. Do you now believe or are you even willing to believe that there is a power greater than yourself?

Go through the whole chapter. Mark any word, any statement that helps you face where you don't believe. You face your agnosticism in step 2. A lot of people think step 2 is about insanity. Insanity is in step 1.

Now you're asking, do I believe I can be restored to a place? In my in my in my case, I don't wanna be restored. I want a new mind that's sane. I don't wanna be restored to the mind I was born with. That got me in trouble for the next 50 years.

Right? I want a new mind. Am I willing to believe god can do that? So I need to see where I have doubt, and mark those word or statements that stand out to you. Honest doubt, prejudice, worship of things, people, sentiment, money, yourself, believing your mind.

If it's not in your mind, it isn't. There's nothing beyond what you think, because they're gonna take you to a place where you're gonna start to rely on something other than logic and reason. It's a promise in our program. I'd like to also talk about I met a man in Denver when we got sober who was in the Red Brigade of the Oxford Movement and then came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I think, when Alcoholics Anonymous was 2 or 3 years old. He told me that this book was written by drunks, for drunks, and that here and there, once in a while, they're gonna put a word if you're looking for a way out.

They call them traps, probably, maybe, rarely. And I think in that first paragraph in we agnostic, they give you a couple words that would help you if you're looking for a way out of this deal. If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely or if when drinking you have little control over the amount that you take, you're probably alcoholic. Now probably is a good enough word if you're looking for a way out, but I believe another word is or because I've had people that are not clear on the craving or, let's say, they're not clear on the obsession, but they're clear on one or the other, and they get to that line, and they say, Si, the big book says you don't have to have both because, see, the first line is describing the obsession. I can't stay stopped.

The second line is describing the craving. You gotta have both to be powerless. Here's the deal. Let's say every time you drink, you get the craving. Overwhelming craving to have to drink more every time you drink, but you don't get the mental obsession.

You know what the message is for you? Just don't drink no matter what, and you'll never get that craving again. Make up your mind and don't ever drink. Just like if you're allergic to strawberries, quit eating strawberries. And if you don't have that, you won't you'll be able to do that, or let's say the other way around.

You don't get the craving, but you get the mental obsession. Hey. Next time you get the obsession, just drink the way you wanna drink. You gotta have both to be powerless. I'm powerless when it's not in my body.

I'm powerless when it's in my body. Both of those make up the first half of step 1. My life is not unmanageable because of the mental obsession. I'm powerless over alcohol because of a physical craving and a mental obsession. So we get to this first question.

Do I now believe? If you're new, it's great. And I bet those that have been around for for a while would never think, gee, maybe after 20 years, all I have to do is be willing to believe that this power can take me past where I am. See? Because if you've been around for a while, this first question is not gonna be relevant.

15, 20 years sober, do you now believe or are you even willing to believe that there is a power greater than yourself? Of course, you do. So some people in Denver told me there's something you can add to that question that will make it as relevant no matter how many times you've done the work. And the question is this, do you now believe or are you even willing to believe that this power that you say you've had faith and experience with can take you past here, all that you've seen in step 1, to levels of freedom and peace you can't even imagine. But you gotta clearly see the first step.

If you've been around, start by looking at the current manifestations of page 52. And whether you're new or old or in between, here's a proposition for you. Is it possible when you're sitting in a meeting talking about the unmanageability of your life, you're really talking about a drink, and there is no disconnection. The dash is not real. The dash is an illusion, and the the unmanageability of your life is a drink of alcohol, and that there's no separation between whining about the relationship because your ego has a drink underneath that problem, or how you're feeling, there's a drink underneath that problem.

Here's the proposition. Is there any separation now, I don't care how long you're sober, between the current unmanageability and a drink of god. Now how do you get from being willing to believe in that there is a power greater than yourself to choosing this power to be everything or nothing? You go through the chapter again and you'll find words and statements, mark them in another color, that take you from your simple willingness to believe to choosing everything or nothing. You'll find them.

There's statements like, as soon as a man can say he's willing, he's well on the way. Upon this simple, all kinds of statements like that that take you from bridge to shore, that last mile. And I'll I'll throw this out just for some discussion maybe later. I believe if you want to live, if you've answered that fundamental question at the beginning, do you want to live? If you think there's a choice at step 2, it's based in a first step reservation.

Because if you wanna live live, I believe when you get to what you think is a choice, there is none. And if you think there's a choice at step 2, it's based in a first step reservation. This work was as relevant to me this time, 21 years sober, as it was the first time. I'm more awake. I started by looking at the unmanageability.

I saw there is no separation between that and the drink, and the only thing that keeps that from happening is grace. I was asked to look at fear. Is there any fear? Because you know a place that a lot of us have missed? We had to fearlessly face the proposition.

I think fearlessly means without fear. A friend of mine told me his sponsor told him fearlessly means with fear, but you do it anyway. No. Fearlessly means fearlessly, and here's what I'll throw out for you. If when you get to this proposition, God is everything or nothing that the book says we have to face fearlessly, if there's any fear about drinking again, it's a first step of reservation that you can do something about not drinking again, because I believe fear is always rooted in an idea of self reliance.

Doesn't the book say that? Fear is because self reliance fails. If you're in fear, there's a lurking notion that you can do something. We used to say things like, you can't go to the 2nd step in a good mood. Why not?

Maybe the first time. And if you're being motivated by the fear of drinking again, great, if it gets you through amends. But there will come a time for those of you that have been around for a while that to fearlessly face this means to fearlessly face this this without fear. Look through the fear. See the lurking notion rooted in self reliance.

The fear goes away, and I was able I was given the grace to fearlessly face this proposition with no fear of drinking again, because I don't think there's anything I can do about drinking again. The experience of the experience is more important than any explanation. I take the course of action, the experience happens to me and through me, and I don't label it, and I don't prejudge it, and I don't presuppose to know what it's gonna look like. Page 60, I want to talk about the third step. Come up to the ABCs.

Is this my truth? I'm an alcoholic. I cannot manage my own life, and I have an experience with that. Probably, no human power could relieve my alcoholism. Is that my truth?

We all over the years have had many humans influence us in recovery from alcoholism. They are like the big book or the steps. They're pointing us to this power. That's all that they can do. See, God could and would if He were sought.

Being convinced of that, I'm in step 3 and I'm going to make a decision, turn my will in life over to God as I understood God. I don't understand God because the organ I would have to use to talk to you about that is my mind. God is so far beyond that. So the God of my understanding today is I don't understand God. Some of us have attempted to intellectually come to know God.

You will go insane. 10 years they locked me up in a nuthouse. I'm going to figure out the God thing versus an experience with it. Now there's a requirement before I make my 3rd step decision. I love going back and re and looking at this 3rd step every time through the work.

I have always, every single time, been awakened to more things about myself, my self will, how I come in life, and God by going back in and looking at this again. But this requirement is, am I convinced my life run on self will can already be a success? I look at that from a position of being free from alcohol 21 years. Am I convinced with this length of time that my life running soft will can already be a success? And now, the book's gonna take about a page and a half to describe what this looks like.

So I I always go through this process with my current experience with my life And it talks about when I run my life on my will I'm always in collision with something to somebody even though my motives are good. I love to live by self propulsion. I'm like an actor, I want to run the whole show. I want to arrange lights, ballet, all of you, AA, my home group, all my employees, my girlfriend in my own way. And if you all would just stay put, if you all would just do what I wished, you know, then the show would be great.

And I read this and I say to myself, this stuff is going on again. How did this happen? How did this happen? See? The crazy thing in that in that part of the third step is, I think if you do what I want, not only will I be happy, but you'll be happier too.

I'm like an actor who wants to be a director who ends up being a producer. That works a lot better in Los Angeles, but I think you got a feel for what we produce. And and it says, well, what usually happens? And all what this is attempting to do is introduce me to something which is contained in my decision in the bottom of 62. It's trying to show me how I like to play God.

The bulk of the amends that I have made since I got sober came from my attempts to play God. It's critical for me that I see that and experience that. So what happens? The show didn't come off very well. I begin to think you don't treat me, life doesn't so I'm going to exert myself more.

I become in the next cage and then demanding your graces. Talks about ultimately what happens is I become angry, indignant and sell pity. What's my basic trouble? I'm a self seeker when trying to be kind. I'm a victim of the delusion.

I'll be satisfied and happy if I can manage well. And I take all of my time attempting to manage well, which is also then where all my fear comes from. Talks about it's evident to all the rest of the people in life these are the things I want. It gets in and describes the fact that I am self centered. Page 62, this is the first time the book is going to finally tell me what's really wrong with me.

Selfishness and self centeredness is the root of all my troubles. And, when you are selfish and self centered you're going to go through life being driven by a 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, and self pity. I'll give you a consideration. Look up the word driven and look up the word choice and ask yourself this question, particularly if you've been sober for a while. Do you have parts of your life in which you're being driven versus making choices?

Go back in just the last year and quote look at one of the great tricks that my mind did with me is it got me to believe that sober I was making choices till I looked at some of them. They were insane. They were absolutely insane choices. Meet her on Friday and marry her on Tuesday. Yeah.

I mean, I could go on and on and on, and and through repetitive times through the steps, I came to understand I wasn't making choices, that I was being driven. And there was no choice. Because when I'm in the self will there's not choice. There's only the manifestation of how I think my self will is gonna be manifested. Choice comes from a state of neutrality with an unselfish motive.

And it talks about then, and it's a set up for inventory, when you go through life being driven. It's like the reverse of a 4 column inventory. Imagine the 4th column first. Fear, self delusion, self seeking, self pity. What does it do?

It causes you to take a course of action. You step on the toes of your fellows, column 1. They retaliate, column 2. You're hurt, column 3, but it all started with 4. It's a circular deal.

What you put out will come back to you. When we get to the resuming inventory, you're gonna write a 4 column. You're gonna start with column 1, 2, 3 and come to 4. But 4 sets the ball rolling because you're being driven. And it says, invariably you made decisions based on self which placed you in a position to be heard.

So our troubles are of our own making. Now the book starting in page 62 also does something very different. It begins to take a light and shine it on ourselves and it's no longer about them. Some friends of mine in Nashville had these laminated things print up. It's not about them.

And they're going all over meetings. If someone starts whining about them they give them one of the laminated cards. It's not about them. It's not about them. It's about you, your perception, how you experience it.

My troubles arise out of myself and I'm an extreme example of self overrun right though I do not think so. Next sentence to me is one of the most important lines in the big book, Seldom talk above everything I must be rid of this selfishness here will kill me. You must see the connection between your selfishness and dying and alcoholic death. See, if I don't get rid of my selfishness what's gonna happen is the show is not gonna turn out the way I want. I'm gonna create a spirituality within myself.

I'm gonna become diseased and my mind at a certain time knows what will treat that which is a drink or a line of cocaine. And I'm gonna put that in my body. And a guy like me is facing alcoholic death. That's the connection. The only way I get rid of the selfishness is do the work in the rest of the steps.

So, the bottom of 62 is my 3rd step decision. This is the how and the why but I got to quit playing God. Hopefully, I'm going to wake some of you up this weekend to how you still play God in people's lives and the harm that that creates. Instead of giving people the dignity to just be themselves. I don't ever attempt to force this work on anybody or a spiritual way of life anymore.

You do this work enough times and you start to see what you do out of your virtue. I went to help them. I only work with people who give me spiritual consent. Why? Because I quit playing God in other people's lives, that's why.

I'm not here to rescue alcoholics and fix people. You want to stay caught up in pain, and suffering, and misery? Have a great day. I'm here to dance and have joy and all those other incredible things. And I'm gonna leave you the dignity to stay in your suffering if you want.

I mean, the theme of this weekend is how free do you want to be? Unbelievable freedom available to you. Then we get to make this incredible third step decision then. Based on the fact that I finally know why, I'm gonna quit playing God. Why?

Because me playing God doesn't work and I'm clear finally why I'm gonna make this decision. Cause I'm gonna die an alcoholic death if I don't. And this decision means I'm gonna say a prayer which is an affirmation of the decision, and then I'm gonna be willing to do the rest of the steps. We talked about myths last night. How many people at some time or right now believe the third step is turning your will in your life over to the care of god?

A lot of people believe that. Go home, take the 3rd step, come back the next day, your entire will in life's turned over the care of god. It's not. It's just a decision. How do you turn your will in your life over the care of god?