Big Book Study on Cover to Page 23 in Prescott, AZ

Evening everybody. I I'm Mark Houston. I'm an alcoholic and a cocaine addict. And, power of God separated me from alcohol the morning of October 19, 1982, And it is because of that power, which I've come to know as love, that I'm sitting up here in my 21st year of sobriety. It's good to be back in Prescott.

Joe and I were here felt like 50 years ago. I think in the mid mid nineties, somewhere in there up at a camp. I think a couple hundred people, showed up, and, we had a wonderful weekend up there. Establishing some relationships with people and back in here here we are again. It's it's a pleasure and and an honor.

I want to read something to you, out of a book written by a man named Anthony de Mello called The Way to Love. It's called Discipleship. If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters. Yes. And even his own life he cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14:26. Take a look at the world and see the unhappiness around you and in you. Do you know what causes this unhappiness? You'll probably say loneliness or oppression or war or hatred or atheism and you'll be wrong. There's only one cause of unhappiness.

The false beliefs you have in your head. Beliefs so widespread so commonly held it never occurs to you to question them. Because of these false beliefs, you will see the world in yourself in a distorted way. Your programming is so strong and the pressure of society so intense that you're literally trapped into perceiving the world in this distorted kind of way. There is no way out because you do not even have suspicion that your perception is distorted.

You're thinking is wrong and your beliefs are false. Look around and see if you can find a single genuinely happy person. Fearless, Free from insecurities, anxieties, tensions, and worries. You would be lucky if you found 1 in a 100,000. This should lead you to be suspicious of the programming and the beliefs that you and they hold in common.

But you've also been programmed not to suspect, not to doubt, just to trust the assumptions that have been put into you by your tradition, your culture, your society, your religion. And if you're not happy, you've been trained to blame yourself and not your programming. Not your culture and inherent ideas and beliefs. What makes it even worse is the fact that most people are so brainwashed they do not even realize unhappy they are. Like the man in the dream who has no idea he's dreaming.

What are these false beliefs that block you from happiness? Well, here are some examples first. You cannot be happy without the things you're attached to and you consider so precious. False. There's not a single moment in your life when you do not have everything you need to be happy.

Think of that for a minute. The reason why you're unhappy is because you're focusing on what you do not have rather than on what you have right now. Another belief, happiness is in the future. Not true. Right here and now you're happy and you don't even know it because your false beliefs and your distorted perceptions have got you caught up in fears, anxieties, attachments, conflicts, guilt, and a host of games that you are programmed to play.

If you would see through this, you would realize you're happy and don't even know it. Yet another belief happiness will come if you manage to change the situation you're in and the people around you. We'll look at this one in the 4th step. Not true. You stupidly squander so much energy trying to rearrange the world.

If changing the world is your vocation in life, go right ahead and change it, But don't harbor the illusion this is gonna make you happy. What makes you happy or unhappy is not the world and the people around you, but the thinking in your head. You may as well search for an eagle's nest in the bed of an ocean and search for happiness in the world outside of you. So if it's happiness you seek, you can stop wasting your energy to cure your baldness, to build up an attractive body, or change your residence, or job, or community, or lifestyle, or even your personality. You realize you can change every one of these things?

You could have the finest looks and the most charming personality and the most pleasant surroundings and still be unhappy. In another false belief, if all your dreams are fulfilled, you will be happy and this is also not true. This weekend, I hope that, we get you to perhaps question some of your beliefs regarding the steps the Alcoholics Anonymous, as outlined in the big book. Joe and I, our intent this weekend is to share with you our experience with those steps, as well as discuss what I like to call the mechanics of the steps. It is our intent to get through all 12 steps, in the sessions that, you know, that we're gonna do with you.

I I do have one question. Just give me a show of hands. How many you have like a year or less of sobriety? Raise your hands. Fabulous.

How many you have like between, 25 years? 5 10. 10 15. 1520. 20 and 25?

25 and 30? K. 30 to 40? Fabulous. Good.

Well, I got a challenge for all of you regardless of how long you're sober. The challenge will be to ask the God of your understanding to open up your heart and open up your mind to a new experience with some things. I currently am taking 7 people back to the big book, and I will talk with you more about how I do that. 4 of these people have gone through the book several times. So, if you have that experience, one of the things you know about that is you're now up against what is called the memory of your past experience and all this wonderful knowledge that you now have.

Or I think as their big book says, resting on your laurels. So what they ask me is, we work with a prayer asking God to set aside what we think we know. And with almost all of them, we're up through the doctors opinion. And in particular about 4 of them are expecting some lightning bolt to come bursting through the. So they're asking me why they're not having some kind of profound experience.

Right? And I said, well, first of all, you were so asleep that the very first time you even woke up to what was wrong with you, the essence of your first step, that was a major epiphany in and of itself. And then the idea that there could be a God of your understanding, you could have a personal relationship on the second step, and you make that 3rd step decision and do the work and you come to know God. So I said, that's gonna be profound and you will never work the steps and have the experience you did the first time through. So I said to them, but I said, but I tell you what you've never experienced.

And they said, what's that? And I said, you've never experienced what we're doing right now out of the big book with God, with each other in this moment. And you don't have to worry about what the experience looks like and you don't have to name it. So, hopefully, that that awareness can happen with all of you here this weekend. I wanna talk a little bit about where I am currently at.

I live in Dallas, Texas. My home group's the Clean Air Group. I am currently going back through the steps, and I wanna talk about that a minute. I rework the first nine steps every year, And I'll tell you why I do that. I do that because I like the effect that it produces.

I do as much with the disciplines of 1011 as anyone I know, and sometimes I fall asleep and I get resentful, and my fears begin to build up and those kinds of things. And the other thing that I have found over the years, the willingness that I demonstrate in my life on a daily basis is fueled always by my first step experience and my connection to that first step. In my 21st year, I am very current with my first step, which is to drink is to die. If my experience over the years is if you lose your first step connection, it will show up in a course of action that you will very subtly and slowly begin to take. And I can tell you what it looks like.

We've heard it before. People that have relapsed. How many people near have relapsed history? Raise your hands. Okay.

See if this fits. You first of all begin to decrease the number of meetings that you go to. You do not call your sponsor, if you even had one, with the frequency that you used to, and you begin to hedge on the truth. You begin to lose a sense of conscious contact. You know that sense of peace that comes when you've known God.

Your life situation which is where you work in your relationships, the money in your pocket, in your physical body begins to take on more meaning to you and you begin to react to life. You're probably not working with the disciplines of 10 and 11, probably cutting back on meditation or not doing meditation at all, doing some prayers and you begin to cut back on those. And normally, there's a process you go through and then something in the life situation happens and your mind says, I know something that'll take the pain away and it's called the drink and you pick up a drink. My experience with all of that is this, the course of action I have taken today is predicated on my connection with my first step and that's not an old memory of what it used to be like when I was drinking 21 years ago. That's a very current experience with what it possibly could be like if I picked up a drink again.

So that's the other reason I really I love to rework the first nine steps is a, I miss some stuff. B, I reconnect with that first step. I get opened up to the second step that maybe there's much more about god that I know nothing about and have no experience with. My third step is a decision to go for that experience. I write inventory and I begin to see that there are some resentments.

Those that you would have some time sober, you have experience with this, They call it this spiritual pride, in which you get you get so spiritually fit nothing bothers you anymore, you know. One time I I was going back to the steps, this is probably 4 or 5 years ago, and I was so spiritually fit that when I got the inventory, I couldn't find any resentment. So this this lady who had been sober a long time said, well, why don't you make a list of people who annoy you? And somewhere between 30 and 40 names rolled off my pin. So, you know, the same challenge applies to some of you who've been sober a long time.

I've never met an enlightened drunk. I I I just don't think it's gonna happen, so we we still gotta deal with our mind and and those those kinds of things. You know, and then the the incredible 5th step promises I get to experience. Who wouldn't want to experience 5th step promises a minimum of once a year? And I like to do multiple 5th steps.

I'm gonna talk to you about that, why I like to do that. 6th step, identifying the defects of character that are active in my life now. That are active in my life now. The things that create misery and unhappiness in me and others, because I imagine you're like me. You're not gonna suffer alone.

See, I don't suffer alone. I never have. I don't know if I ever will. I really like to make sure the people around me get to participate in that. 7th step is again, regardless of how long I'm sober coming to God and I see these defects.

Regardless of my intent, my great love of God, my great love of you, wanting to do the right thing and I'm seeing these defects. Right? Making a list. The harm's different, you know, you're not sticking guns in people's faces and you're the harm is different, but harm is harm, and I don't know if it has degrees. Right?

I discovered as I got got into a little bit of time, my dishonesty used to just lie directly, then my ego got trickier, and then I just begin to lie by omission. Right? Ego still operates in the same fashion. It just has a different look to it. It's crappier.

And there's always amends. I always find amends that I have to make. And then what that does is that catapults me back into the 10th 11th step, but now it's whole new ground. Amazing stuff in the 10th step. Amazing stuff in the 11th step.

They're like an abyss. And every time back through the work, belief systems, like I was just reading about on discipleship. Belief systems I've been living my life on, once again get shattered. And I'm freer. And my consciousness, the way I experience myself and you and my world, has broadened and widened and deepened, and there's more power in my life, and there's more peace in my life.

That's why I rework the first 9 steps once a year. I was talking to a gentleman today, and I know some people that have time will do this. They'll just go back and write inventory, but I didn't start with the 4th step. I started with the first step. So whether you're you're here with very little time sober or long time sober, I am very glad that, that you're here.

Ask god to help you stay here all weekend, to give you the power to stay here, to go through this experience. Over the years, I've gone to a lot of different things, monasteries, and weekends like this. I'm no different than any of you. There's a part of me that really thinks it really knows a lot and it becomes difficult to sit. Most of the things that have been in my highest good has been very difficult for me to experience, because another part of me just doesn't want anything to do with that.

So, that's all I got for now. Good evening. My name is Joe Hawk, and I'm an alcoholic. I have a prayer too I'd like to read. God, we invite you into this room to guide and direct each of us as we seek your truth.

Father, please set aside within each of us that which would block us off from the truth. Lay aside our prejudices about what we think we know about this process, this weekend, and our own spiritual condition. Remove our fears, lord, that we may hear your truth through the members of this group. Give us the strength and courage to share your truth with each other in the spirit of love and compassion for our fellow man. Amen.

It's good to be here. We've we've done 3 of these in the last 5 years and and that was after I spent 5 years in in in India. And the last 2, one was in California and one was in New York. I had a hard time opening this book. Of course, Mark covers it really well and then I would share my experience.

There's a part of me that was that wants to challenge myself to, try and do that again. Because the last two times, it felt like if I open to the title page, it would be trying to return to something that, was old. And I don't want to be old. I know it's inevitable, and I can't defeat my own ego, and I can't make what I would like happen here. But, there comes a time when you're taken past the word, but when you're taken past the word and you begin to experience the spirit of the word, you have to remember where you were and that there are people that through the word in this book will find that same kind of spirit.

So what I did was I, I visited my sponsor in in Denver, in August, and, he had a book that I gave him, 6 6 years ago, and, he gave it back to me and said that I could, I could use this book again. And, this is the book that I carried the first 10 years of my sobriety, and I'm gonna use that book this weekend. Probably doesn't mean much to anybody here, but it's it's it's quite special for me to even have this book again. I got sober in Denver, August 1982, way before Mark did. Same treatment center.

He came along when I was a graduate and I was taking patients to meetings. And my sponsor later told me that that was carrying people to the message, not carrying the message to anyone. I didn't have a message. I had a car. You know, there's a big difference between having a message and having a car or taking people to the message or carrying the message yourself.

I had no experience. It took me 6 months in this program to hit bottom with the second half step 1, and, I've been doing the work ever since. I've had a year in between finishing amends. I've had years a year and a half. This last time was 2 years.

So I was 5 years in Denver. I was 10 years in Santa Monica. I was 5 years in Northern India, and I didn't plan that. I went for a 2 month visit, and I'm alcoholic. I always stay longer than I should, and I arrive early.

I left Los Angeles to get here Wednesday. And I stayed in India for 5 years, and I got to be a part of starting a drug and alcohol treatment program for the Tibetan government for the first time in their history. And I don't know how that happens for a guy like me. And now I've been back for just over a year. And I got back and you know, I didn't transcend alcoholism no matter who my teacher might have been.

I've had some great spiritual teachers, and I just can't seem to transcend alcoholism. And I guess for a guy like me that's a blessing because if I had, you'd probably be coming to India to my ashram rather than me coming to your ashram. And, you know, God has always known better what I need than I do. So I got back last January 2002 and, started to pray about where was I supposed to be. Lots of places to go, but I prayed about who might be doing something that I would feel passionate about.

And some names came and 2 were not evident, and one was, Mark. And when I knew I was going to Texas for a period of time, I asked him if he would, take me through the work. That experience I'd like to talk about later in the weekend. So we're both in our 21st year, and and we're glad to be here. And, I always need to keep in mind, because I think my sponsor was 21 years ago had that in mind when he came to the basement of a treatment center and carried the message to me.

I heard my sponsor in my first meeting, but it took me 6 months to ask him. It scared me for many reasons, which I'll share later. I think if, if we're going to give each other spiritual consent, which I don't do, freely in Alcoholics Anonymous. It's usually a dangerous thing to ask a question in AA. I remember asking once when I was new how to write inventory.

And in this was in Denver where they they do the work. And I came out of that meeting more confused than when I went in. And, one guy told me I didn't need to write inventory. He never had. But he seemed a little edgy.

Another guy told me to write my life story, and unfortunately, I had, I had tried that and I hadn't gotten any results. Another guy gave me a 140 question inventory, and I was just confused. But what an amazing thing for a new person if you're an alcoholic or an addict or both. What an amazing thing for somebody like us to be confused and then to admit it. Because I think the 3 hardest words for an alcoholic to say are, I don't know.

Some alcoholics say the 3 hardest words are, I love you, and I kind of wonder how they drink. Give me a couple drinks. I'll tell anybody I love them. Right? But to say I don't know, and I've gone back and forth over the years with what they really meant.

And I think they meant different things for different people. What they really meant when they said, are you willing to go to any length? Because that can either grab your ego, and you're gonna say to yourself, wow. Let me tell you what what lengths I'm willing to go to. And then you're you start doing those things, and the ego loves it, and it increases your ego.

It builds the ego. But I don't think that was the purpose. I think our original 6 steps, which are in our book on page 292, I believe, the first step was complete deflation. And I I don't think they meant complete deflation of the tires on my car. I think they meant complete deflation of the ego, but the funny thing is I can't do that.

But a lot of people in the program will even take credit for that. I'm sure you've all heard it. I'm gonna go home, smash my ego, surrender, work on my defects. I'll get back to you next week. Right?

I can't smash my ego. I can't bring about surrender. That's what the Great Persuader did for me. I believe behind the Great Persuader is God. I can't work on my defects.

I can't, you know, and so I was surrendered, but still sometimes whatever whatever there is left that hasn't been smashed, it will hook into some of the stuff in Alcoholics Anonymous. And it took me years to realize that for a guy like me to admit that I'm powerless over alcohol, and my life is unmanageable, and there's nothing I can do to keep myself sober or manage my life is any length. I had to go to any length before I could admit that. And I believe that the recovery the the importance of our foundation I believe if the recovery process for each of us does not begin with some sort of surrender to that there's nothing you can do to keep yourself sober, a lot of the things we do in AA will just increase your ego. Get up to take a chip 30 days, tell them about the great conscious contact you have.

After 30 days, and you've done nothing, but go to meetings and somehow not drink. 90 days, you might be a little more humble, but you're ready to go home and smash your ego and surrender finally. You know, and on and on, and they do things. And I think they do things because old timers are very wise, and our founders were very wise, and for those that that get hooked into their ego, they're gonna hopefully just blow right out the top and it's just gonna blow up. Or if you don't have much ego left, it's gonna it's gonna bring you to where you really are.

I knew after 30 days something miraculous was happening, cause I'd never had 30 days in my 18 years of drinking. I'm currently in the 9th step. I should probably say that I'm in 8 because my list is in the hotel and I'm I probably have to look around the room, but I don't think I owe any amens in this room yet. And, it's been an amazing time through the through the work. So I think if we're going to give each other spiritual license where you can ask Mark Mark and I anything that you would like, that we also may get that permission from some of you that agree to that.

So I have a few questions. These are great questions, and I'm not gonna go through all of them, but, these are great questions to ask yourself when you start the work. And then ask yourself again when you've taken the 3rd step and see how the change in thinking has come about. So one of the questions I would like to ask which is a common these are myths. There's a lot of myths in Alcoholics Anonymous, And one of the ones that I think destroys more alcoholics than a than a lot of the myths, which one of our founders fell victim to and one of our founders didn't, how many in this room believe that the first nine steps were meant to be done once and just live the rest of your life in 10, 11, and 12?

Great. Our founder Bill Wilson fell victim to that belief and wasn't exposed to doctor Harry T Bone for a while. Our other founder wasn't. He was very close to doctor Harry T Belt and, continued doing 1 through 9 on a regular basis because of a phenomenon that doctor Harry Thiebault laid out for us, and that's the reconstruction of the ego after having a spiritual awakening. 1 through 9 once did not work for me.

The first time I started 1 through 9, I didn't finish amends. I left about 30 or 40 that I was aware of and soon hit the wall. I would be willing to bet that there's a common denominator among those people that raise their hands when Mark asked for those that have had relapse experience. I would bet that there's a common denominator among 99% of those that raise their hand, and that is that you went back out with unfinished amends. And I think that has a lot more to do it with than you quit going to meetings.

There's people all over the world that don't have meetings. They're called loners, internationalists, members of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've seen them at every international I've been to. And, you know, I've met very few people that finished every amends that they were consciously aware of have that kind of experience with relapse. Another question, how many in this room believe drug addiction and alcoholism are the same?

Great. We're going to have some fun with that. Let me throw one question out before we get to that, and I'll do it by using the crowd. How many alcoholics in this room could take or leave drugs? How many drug addicts in this room could take or leave alcohol?

Do not get the physical craving for more alcohol. Great. I'm not a drug addict. I did drugs. That'd be like saying everybody that drinks alcohol is alcoholic.

We all know better than that. There's hard drinkers that can die from alcohol, have a habit badly enough to be physically and mentally impaired. It's described in our book, a hard drinker. I'm a hard drug user who had a habit several times, made up my mind, walked away, couldn't quit drinking. So So we're going to look at differences between drug addiction and alcoholism because it's a myth in Alcoholics Anonymous.

If it was true, every alcoholic in this room would not be able to take or leave drugs. Now do I mean you can use drugs and stay sober? No. Somebody always hears that that there's a difference and they automatically think, Joe Hawk told me I could use drugs. Right?

I'll say it on the record. Right? That doesn't mean you can use drugs because you would be powerless over where they would take you, but not powerless over them the way I am. There's a difference. And if it was true, then every addict in this room would be an alcoholic.

I know lots of addicts, one in this room in particular. He almost died in this program suffering from the delusion that alcoholism and drug addiction were the same. It killed him. Damn near killed him. And he got really clear about his first step.

Does he think he can drink alcohol? No. He would drink alcohol and go back to what he really likes. But please don't tell me that what you really like is your drug of choice. I love that one.

You meet an alcoholic, he says, My drug of choice was alcohol. Isn't it funny the drug that we usually say is our drug of choice was the drug you had no choice in the world over? So we've been sold a lot of myths. We've paid a lot of money for these myths. And it's time to get free if you're willing to pray in your own way to whatever you believe in for an open mind and a new experience this weekend.

Some of you might be here for information. Go back to your home group, sound a little better, be a little more clear on the Big Book, but you're not here for experience. Or maybe you are. Maybe you'll have one in spite of yourself. Some of you might be here because you were required to be here.

Your sponsor. Halfway House. You too can have an experience. Every time I've used that prayer my mind will tell me this this prayer will not work. There won't be much in 1, 2, and 3, an inventory you probably pretty well know now, and every single time I've been surprised.

So if you would like to possibly have more than just some more information or knowledge, and you're willing to say a prayer to whatever you believe in for an open mind and a new experience, we might all get past some stuff that's holding us back from an experience with God. You know, sometimes and I'm not down on religion, but sometimes religion is a block to religious experience. Because why? Rusty and I were talking about it the other night. Some people get stuck in the Word.

They miss the spirit. Same here. I've done it. I worshipped all the fingers that point to God, and forgot that they were just fingers. Go to meetings, read the book, work the steps, get a sponsor.

My first 6 months, I saw people that did all those things, drink again, and I finally went to my sponsor at 6 months when I met him when I went to him. And I said, I thought you told me those were the things that would keep me sober. He said, no. We just hoped all of those things together would get you in touch with something that's already keeping you sober. You know, we make such a big deal about turning to the closest thing to us.

I'm searching for God. I'm gonna look for God out there. You're not gonna find him. You might start to see him in other people who will get you excited about searching deep down within to find the great reality. Let's try another question.

How many in this room that are alcoholic or or addict believe they have a choice today whether they drink or use? God bless you. You might find that every description of alcoholic or drug addicted insanity in our big book is because somebody thought they had a choice today. The idea that I have a choice over alcohol today is the insanity of alcoholism that will take me to the first drink. I have no more choice today in a fit spiritual condition to drink than I had to not drink when I got here.

Where alcohol is concerned, this book says, maybe it's not true. Maybe we're gonna find that this book is not true for some alcoholics. Maybe we're gonna find that this book describes 4 different types of alcoholics. And maybe type 2 alcoholics can get by with just choosing not to drink on a daily basis. But I can tell by looking at you, there's people in this room that after all these years, if you chose not to drink every day, wouldn't you have made the wrong choice at least once in all these years with your track record?

And if choice has anything to do with will, and you've done what's necessary to give your will and your life to God, where is the choice? How about another one? Anybody in this room believe that not drinking and going to meetings treats alcoholism? You hear all the time there's no requirements or musts in our program. How many people believe that in their recovery program in Alcoholics Anonymous, there's no musts or requirements?

So we're gonna explore some of those requirements, some of those things we were asked to do, some of the delusions that we've suffered from. Drug addiction and alcoholism are the same until I looked at my experience. Until I met a man that knew the difference, and he wasn't selling me he wasn't selling me anything. He was laying out his experience for me to look at. One more thing I wanted to read.

Do not believe in anything simply because you heard it, especially from us. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. Do not believe in anything because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found and written in your book. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teacher or your sponsor.

But after observation, analysis, when you find that anything agree that it agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit for you and all, and you've had an experience with it, accept it and live up to it. One other thing I wanted to mention, Mark and I no longer operate with the kind of morality that most of the world operates on. And sometimes that makes it a little difficult to operate in the world with people who believe in good and bad and right and wrong, especially in this program. There's a morality in Alcoholics Anonymous that I believe is much more powerful than good, bad, right, and wrong, and that is, does it work? Is it working for you?

I don't know if any of you saw the movie, Fight Club, but there's a scene in there where they're on the airplane and one of the characters they're both the same character, but one of the characters is saying to the other character, which is really himself, he's he's he's he's, bragging about his, wit, his sense of humor. The other character says to him, how's that working for you? That's the morality that we try to use in our lives. Mark, alcoholic. This weekend, let the big book be the source as you relay your own experience alongside some of the things we're gonna look at.

I've worked in the field of chemical dependency now about 12, 13 years, and unlike a lot of people, there's a screen of hospitals and treatment centers between the alcoholic addict and 12 step. So instead of dying in the rooms, they go to these places, show up at a few meetings, you don't really get to know them, they leave, things happen. If you're a victim of the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction and do not have a revolutionary spiritual experience, you're probably going to die. That is why it is so critical that you find out your truth in the first step. Am I a real alcoholic?

Am I a real addict? What does that mean? Is this me? Do I need power? Do I need a revolutionary spiritual experience in my life?

This is a deadly deadly disease. This program has been around this book was published in 1939. It's 2003. The latest, grapevine said that that the fellowship of AA worldwide, I believe, was about 2,003, in the United States about a 1000000 8. And I believe the average length of sobriety was 72 months.

Why? Because this is a deadly deadly disease and if you lose your experience with that first step connection, all those things we've talked about earlier will slowly and gradually filter into your life. We have a suicide rate, 75 times the national average. Sober. First step, that's what we're gonna look at.

We're gonna talk to you about the title page, the table of contents, the forwards, the general areas of general information. You're gonna start looking at step 1 in the doctor's opinion up through page 23. 33 pages of information to look at one thing. When you take a drink, do you lose control? Yes or no based on your experience.

For those of you who do drugs, when you do drugs, do you lose control? Pages 23 to 43, we're gonna look at what the big book calls insanity. Joe has alluded to this, pages 23 to 43 of the big book talk to you about the fact that you're sober and does your mind take you back to a drink? Will you commit the most insane act of your life from a state of consciousness called sobriety? Do you have experience with that?

Did sufficient reason ever keep you away from a drink? Those of you who live in Phoenix, you saw in the last day or 2 that a very young man was very tragically killed. 17 year old in a crosswalk by an attorney who was in the front page and all over the news. Anyone else see that? Read that article.

You're talking about a real alcoholic who thought he had choice. Who thought he had choice. Pages 23 to 43 based on my experience are about the most misunderstood pages of the entire book, and yet it is it was in those pages that I died the alcoholic death, and I saw that I needed god. And I so we're gonna talk about what's in those pages. The idea that the most insane thing at certain times, you're gonna commit the most insane act and you have no say in it.

I work with chronic relapsers. I have to assume if there is such a thing as reincarnation and I don't know if there is, but I have to assume if there is, I was not a good person in my last lifetime and that's why I'm working with chronic relapsers. Their 4 favorite words are I know and yes, but. We just experienced one last night. Less than 30 days at one time, I can't remember, he had 4, 5, 6 years and talked longer than anybody in the meeting.

That sums him up. Right? And I love to ask him a question. The question is, and it comes out of the big book, it says when somebody relapsed, and then this is around the story of Jim, is is they really ask you to look at what led up to the relapse. But I like to ask them the question about this issue of choice.

And without exception, every single one of these chronic relapsers has said to me on the daily relapse, they chose to do that. And I said, I am sorry that you believe that and that you think that because somebody has never gone through pages 23 to 43 with you. And what I hope you you come to find out this weekend that if you're a real alcoholic or a real drug addict, that you and I stay clean and sober one day at a time by one thing and one thing only and choice has nothing to do with it, fit spiritual condition. And in fit spiritual condition, it is impossible for my mind to take me back to alcohol, because there's a power between me and that thought taking place. That's one of the reasons we're here.

We wanna go back we wanna go back through this book with you all. We wanna share with you what I like to call the mechanics and how we look at these steps. And and, you know, if you've been around for a while, you you watch so many people die from this thing. And my experience shows me I don't know how many people I've I've worked with. I'll just tell you a lot.

I read something recently about statistics. I think it was a fairly reliable source, but it said that 47% of all statistics are made up in the spot. I thought, sounds like an AA meeting, right? You know? But, so I want to talk a little bit about the title page.

If you have your big book, if you'll open it up, I have a 4th edition. Says this is a story of many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism. That's the first promise of hope that we get and it's on the title page. If you knew, do not think that you have to wait till you get to a man's before you get a lot of promises. There's a question in that statement he just read.

The question is, how many of you believe you'll always be recovering? You you remember we we told you we're gonna challenge some belief systems. Correct? You'll always be recovery. How many how many of you believe that you'll always be recovering?

I'm ready. Always be recovering. I n g. Well, you gotta ask that when you read that page that he's on right now. Nobody nobody that wrote this book had more than 5 years when it was published, and it hasn't been changed except for some of the forwards.

And it'll say in several places that we have recovered. This this this one is a beautiful one. Those of you who have a belief system that you're always going to be recovering. What I want to ask you in the course of this weekend is ask yourself 2 questions. Number 1, where did you get that idea?

And 2, is it consistent with the big book? And come to your own truth about that. I I I have had to get rid of as many belief systems in the fellowship of AA that would have killed me as I did the insane ones I brought to AA. And that was one of them. I would always be recovering.

A lot of people think when they hear that, I'm a recovered alcoholic. I'm not suffering from alcoholism. That you mean cured. At the same time, they say we're not cured. We have a daily reprieve, but that doesn't mean you can't live in a recovered state.

If we were in a smaller group for the weekend, 20 or 30 of us in a circle, I would ask those that raised their hand who said you of course, you're always gonna be, recovery recovery is a horrible place to be. It's wonderful the first time. If you're doing it for the first time, enjoy it because hopefully, you'll never do it for the first time again. But I don't wanna live as a recovering alcoholic, always being sick, always suffering, Because the founders promised us from the forward to the first edition, the first page of the first book ever printed, that you can recover from alcoholism. I do not think that I'm cured, but I can live in a recovered state.

I think over the years, the reason people don't want to I mean, all of you know what a Concordia is? If you had a Concordia and looked up the word recovered, I believe it's used 14 times. The word recovering is used twice, and it's only in the last four chapters which are about how to practice these principles in all your affairs. I have a sense that people who get hung up on the word recovering have this idea that if they tell themselves they're recovered, they'll walk away from AA. It has a whole different meaning.