The Third Tradition Speaker Meeting in Studio City, CA

Pleasure to introduce the speaker from Costa Rica, the Central American Santa Claus, Luis h. My name is Luis, and I am an alcoholic. Yes. Can you see me in the way all the way in the back? And stand up.

Well, it's not that important that you see me. What is important today is that you can hear me and that you can listen. Because many times I went to meetings and I didn't listen. And there were signs there of a disease that is called alcoholism. And Louis has a disease and ill and sick of the disease alcoholism.

I didn't know that until I got to AA. I was born in San Jose, Costa Rica, so if you think that, you are an alcoholic because you were born in North Hollywood, no, That's not the reason. I developed some of my alcoholism in North Hollywood. Most of my favorite bars are in North Hollywood. At the end of my drinking, any bar that would serve me was my favorite bar.

By the age of 25, I was done with the country of Costa Rica. My perception was that, everybody hate me there. From the president of the country who didn't know who I was, to my neighbors, to my parents, to my employers, to my brothers, to my, friends. Everybody hate me there. I didn't know at that time that I have a disease, the disease that I just told you I have, alcoholism.

That most of us have. And that's the reason we are here together. We probably have people here that live in $1,000,000 houses. We probably have people here that's living in the car today. We probably have people here that's sleeping in the car today.

We probably have people here today that is their first day. To those that raised your hand today and say, I need your help, welcome. My first 30 days in this program were very difficult. I was very happy that I was not drinking, but I was always thinking, oh, I have to raise my hand again. My ego.

I have a friend in my Monday meeting that says, my ego is not my amigo. I didn't know him. I didn't know what he meant in the first 30 days. I know what he means now. I think it was Randy that read, chapter 5, and and she was reading about honesty.

How important is honesty in this program? Chapter 5 describes, uses the word honesty 3 times in the first paragraph. It tells me if you are not honest in this program, I think you're wasting your time. That's what it tells me. Because when my sponsor told me in my first 30 days, you need to be rigorously honest with me, but mainly with you, and say I'm not going to make it.

I'm not going to make it. In order to drink the way that I drank, I have to lie. In order to drink the way that I drank, I have to tell my employer I couldn't come Monday because my mother died on Saturday. I was called by an employer one time in Costa Rica, those that hate me and ask me, you know, we have been auditing the records of the employees and the bank is very careful about employees that, don't come to work on Monday. And, this is a bank, and people come to cash their checks here on Mondays, and they get very upset when nobody's there in the cash.

But the reason that I called you here in my office is not because of those absences that we know already. The reason is that the audit shows that your mother has died twice in the last year. Seconds. Seconds. Because the alcoholic that drink like I do has to have that.

That fast thinking, and I said, that was my stepmom. And he told me, I'm sorry, Luis. This time, I'm sorry. We already know what your problem is, and we have to let you go. You are a great employee when you don't drink.

We loaned you the car of the company, and somebody told us that that car was parked in front of the bar at 4 o'clock in the morning. That's not where we wanna see the sign of our bank. We have to let you go. And my reaction was, these guys hate me. These guys hate me.

Why is my father closing the door at at 12 o'clock at night and asking me for money to pay the rent to the house? I need the money to drink. So I was fired from that job, and I decide that it was time to go and look for a better country. And I have a brother that lived here since 19 fifties. Very hardworking man.

The oldest of my you know, and the youngest in my family, and he was the oldest. And, he has worked very hard here. He's he's since he came here, he's not an alcoholic, and he went over to visit there, and he saw me in such a shape that he said, you know what? Let's go with me. I help you with her.

I give you a job. I give you a place to live, and you start all over again. And I said, I don't need to start all over again. I just need a change of location. And 2 months later, that planes was leaving, San Jose.

And I remember as that plane was leaving, looking down, you know, to the window, and say, oh, wow. What a release. I don't have to pay those debts that I owe these guys over there. I don't have to anymore hide from the bar tender or the corner of the neighborhood there. I don't have to I don't have to lie anymore to this lady that, that I had a daughter with.

I don't have to look for a job anymore in that place where they hate me. Because they hate me, everybody hate me, my parents hate me. Leave me alone. I don't care. I call my deceased my deceased, so I don't care because I didn't care anymore about anybody.

I didn't care about my parents, I didn't care about my employers, I didn't care about my friends, I didn't care about anybody. What I have found now, thanks to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 steps, is that I care. My disease is the one that don't care. It's 2 different things. Here I am as an alcoholic in recovery, giving my family the best of my life.

As I was coming here today, my daughter grabbed me, gave me a big hug before I leave the house and said, tell them that you helped me do the homework. Tell me that you show tell them that you did the last math program problem with me. I feel that now. I didn't care before. I was at the bar many times at night, and with my first daughter.

I don't remember doing the homework with her. I don't remember going to a school meeting with her. Did it cease the ride that I don't that of I don't care. I don't remember taking my mother to a Mother's Day dinner. I don't remember giving my family a medical insurance.

I don't remember paying insurance in my car as a drinking person, as a sick man that need this program since he was about, I don't know, 15, 20, maybe since I was born. Was I born an alcoholic? Did I get it from my father? Did I get it because that people hate me in Costa Rica? Did I get it because my employer didn't like me?

I don't care. It doesn't matter how I got to be an alcoholic. The important thing today is that I know that if I have a drink today, I have a disease, and it starts this physical reaction that says, more, more, more, and I can stop. And I will drink, and I will spend everything that I have. It doesn't matter.

I don't care if it is for the for the rent. I don't care if it is for for my daughter's school. I will spend every cent. That's fine. Oh.

Thank you, Jeff. I can tell you stories Of the disease of alcoholism. Where did it take me? I went to places that we had never believed. When the plane landed here at the Los Angeles airport, a free man.

No deaths, a new life, a new house. My brother promised me a job. Wow. Finally, where is the bar? Finally, I can drink free.

And I learned to say some words like, double. Where where was very important. Where is it? Where is the bar? Where is the drink?

One more. That was so important. And I learned that when they said last call, I have to hurry up also 3 rings. Give me 3. It's the last call.

And very soon, just a couple years after I got here, I was doing the same exact thing that sent me out of my own country. I didn't know that when I came here in that plane, I was carrying the disease of alcoholism with me. I didn't know that in that plane, I was carrying the disease that I don't care. I didn't know that I was gonna come here and live the same life and worse of the life that I was living over there. That's why for the newcomers, I can tell you right here, right now, that I'm convinced because of my own life, because of my own experience, that this is a disease.

It's a mental, physical, and spiritual disease. I have a daughter. My oldest daughter is 32 years old. I have a son who's 26, from a previous relationships and a previous first marriage. And then I have a my second marriage and my daughter, Ariana, who is 11 years old, the one that I helped for the homework today.

My family is a family in recovery because the disease of alcoholism is a family disease. In my house, in my family, my wife is affected. My daughter is affected. My daughters, my son is affected, my parents, my brothers, my sisters. And it's not easy to get sober.

And after everything clears up and you look around and see that devastation and see all those broken pieces of relationships. I'm gonna tell you how I got here. It's very painful for me, but I have to tell you. After trying a few times to do this program, I never made it because I never wanted it. I needed it, but I never wanted it.

One day my daughter called me. My oldest daughter called me from San Francisco and said, dad, I'm gonna get married on September 19. That was September 1919 97. She she I talked with her about August. And she said, I don't I called you because I'm gonna get married, but you're not welcome.

This time is my party, it's my wedding, this time you're not going to be the one calling the shots. This time I don't want you around. What? And your dad and your father. I don't care who you are.

You're not gonna mess up my my life anymore. I don't wanna see you there, and I don't wanna see you anymore in my life. You tell that to an alcoholic like me drinking, and I assure you that there is a 1 month straight drinking coming on. And I start drinking day and night. Day and night.

Day and night. Left my work. Left my clients. Left everything because it was the great the great thing to do. Alcohol relieved me of that pain.

He did it all the time. But I said, I'm gonna go to that wedding. I'm gonna go to that wedding. I'm gonna show this girl my ego. I didn't think that she was my daughter at that time or anything.

I didn't care. Alcoholism is a disease of I don't care. I don't care it was my daughter. I just care about me. Selfish behavior.

A few days later, I say, I wanna go, but I wanna go sober. I wanna go sober. I really wanna go sober. I couldn't stop drinking. So I come, I have this car that that someone who became my sponsor had given me an easier today and I thank him for all his help, Dick Jensen.

And I call him, drunk. I don't know what I said. It's very foggy those days, you know. And I kept calling him and calling him and and he keeps saying, call me tomorrow. Don't drink.

Don't drink. That's the only way that I can talk when I'm drunk. Finally, I don't know how, but I ended going with him to a meeting. And I got to the meeting, Monday night meeting, and, well, he became my sponsor. He asked me, do you have to be honest?

Do you have to go to any land? When I was sober, any land was just go to a meeting. Any language, just pick up a chair and put it. Any language, just to answer your hello. That lens start going farther and farther.

Right now it's treat my family with respect. Right now the lens is treat my employer with honesty. Right now it's listen to the 12 steps where they where it says you have to give up the the the right to be right. It's not it doesn't matter if you're right anymore. Why do you insist, Louis, on being right all the time?

Why do you have to go to that wedding? Just to show up who? What? Selfish. My disease is selfish.

Just think of me. They took me to meetings for that week. He knew that I wanna go over to and I was lying to him. I was drinking. I drink in the morning, stop until about 1 or 2, slept for a couple hours, and then finally on Friday I told him, Dick, I have been drinking.

And he said, well, I'm glad you told me. Show me you want to be honest. Your daughter is getting married tomorrow, and we're going to a meeting. And I said, oh, no. In Samuel, I said, no.

I'm going to the wedding. And I said, no. Let's go to a meeting. And I went to a meeting with him, and I raised my hand. And that was my first day of being honest with myself.

I raised my hand, and I asked you for help, and I cried that day. And I cried desperately in front of you because it's the first time in my life that I've been honest with me. It's the first time that really, really inside. I left my university courses at home. I left my my employers.

I left my my my my hate for the the people hate me. I hate all the stuff until I told you the truth, and I say I need your help. My daughter is getting married at this moment. I was not invited to her wedding. When she was saying I do, I was saying, help me, and you have helped me.

Just to finish this cycle of this relationship, for the last 8 years and a half, I haven't speak I had spoke once to my daughter in a funeral, and it was just a, hi, don't get close to me. I have made amends to her in writing her and everything. I have discussed hours and hours with my sponsor who has called me and said, give her a space. Let her go. No, I wanna go.

No, I wanna go and visit it. No, I wanna control her life. No, I want her to to to see her for Christmas. No. Last year, she sent me a Christmas card, On Thanksgiving Day this year, I had the great, the great moment of my life of being there and my daughter show up and said, can I talk to you?

And we went walking. Yes, these are tears. Tears of I care. I care for my daughter now. I care for you, the newcomers mainly.

Because I know what it is in a room to be in a room in Hollywood Boulevard. I know what it is to be in downtown, in the prison, in in in the county jail. I know what it is to be lying to to my wife, lying to my daughter, lying to everybody. And my daughter called me, and we walked in this farm that we were from Thanksgiving, all my family, and everybody thought there was gonna be a fight. It was tense.

My sister were. Everybody say, oh my god. They're gonna fight. They're gonna kill each other. And we came back, and I was holding her like this.

I cannot tell you that she told me that she loves me. No. I can tell you that she told me why she doesn't want me close to her. And she said, I'm not ready. I'm not ready, but I'm working on it.

Twelve steps has taken me from I don't want you around my life to I'm working on it, and I'm waiting, and I feel happy about it. Alcoholism. One time, I was in this bar, the one of those favorite bars that I had before, here in North Hollywood, by the way. And and I was there, and it was closed in December at this time of the year. And the water tender said, you know, well, Liz, you have been here the whole day, why don't you stay for the employees' party?

Oh, great. How much do I owe you owe me? About $60. How can I pay you tomorrow? Is that okay?

No, you pay me now. You guys said, okay. I'll pay you now. We're wearing the everybody getting ready and everything, and the bar attendant came over to me, not to me, to somebody next to him, next to me and was telling him, you know, God, that's stupid. He didn't use that word.

Santa Claus. That's stupid Santa Claus. He say he was gonna be here about half hour ago, and we're already ready to ready to give the gifts to the kids or the or the employees and everything and Santa Claus is not here and there is the dress that he was gonna wear. And I say, this is no problem. I dress as Santa Claus.

I dress. Don't worry. I make a cup. And they put me this dress, this costume dress, and gave me a couple drinks, and and I start, ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. And I find out something.

The more ho ho that I said, the more drinks they send me to the bar. And they start sending me drinks that night, and I ended at wrong Santa Claus, giving presents to the wrong person. Forget it. I don't care. I don't wanna give more presents anymore.

Anyway, I like the experience. I got so drunk that next day I say, oh my god. I'm gonna buy one of those dresses, one of those costumes, and I'm gonna start dressing as Santa Claus. I need money anyway. And I and I went and bought a very cheap custom Santa Claus.

It cost me about $18 or something like that. One of those made up like like paper, you know, that when they get wet, they get all messed up and and I show up to bars. And before I get in, I just have a Santa Claus in the car and came in and say, ho ho ho. Ho ho. Who is that stupid man there?

Oh, Luis, it's you. Oh, come on in. I don't know. The Christmas came that year, and I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait for the next Christmas.

I say, I'm gonna buy a better one, and I became a professional Santa Claus. I went to Collier Boulevard to that costume thing that they have that they sell all kind of, and I bought a better dress with Belle and and everything. And I became the Santa Claus of the night clubs. I became the Santa Claus of the Latin bars, and one of my requirements, he was no kids. No kids.

This is a special Santa Claus. The disease of I don't care. The deceased of I don't care took the character of Santa Claus and destroy it. You know, it is funny, but it is painful. It is painful because I saw the eyes of a kid one day in a restaurant.

I got so drunk that I fell down on the floor dress of Santa Claus, And this kid was walking with his with, you know, his mom, maybe an 8 year old, 7 year old, And he came and looked at me and turned to his turned his eyes to his mom and said, mom, Santa Claus is drunk. You know, sometimes I wish that this story, it will be true. Sometimes I think that I'm making that up, but I'm not making that up. It's a true story. It's a true story, and I remember getting home that night with the dresses and the clothes all messed up.

You know? The bird on here and the the pillow that I used to was here in my back. And I remember looking at the at the at the mirror in my in my bedroom, in the bathroom, and say, you are a son of a bitch. You are nobody. You are nothing.

You don't have any values. You don't care about anything. How can you do this to a kid as young as your as your own son? How can you take this character and make people hate him. When I met with my sponsor, after some meetings and meetings and meetings every day, and calling and calling and calling, we got to the 4th step and to the 5th step.

The step that gave me patterns of who I am. The 4th and the 5th step. And in the 5th step, because I thought my sponsor was not gonna believe me, I took him pictures of me dressing as Santa Claus and he's there. He saw them. And he told me one thing that day.

I don't know if he remember because I told him this, you know, in my my resentments about about this of the kid. He said, there won't be one day after you get sober. Give the program a chance. Let the miracle happen. There will be one day where the program is going to give you the chance to make amends.

So how can I make amends to people that I have heard that way? And and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and his his wife got this request from the church, and they were supposed to to send some give some, you know, presents to to a poor family in downtown Los Angeles, and they were looking for a for a Santa Claus. And I say, I go. 6 years over, I go. And I drive the car.

And we went, we get presents, we sang together, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, all those things. And, I say, okay. I pay my amends, but, god, my higher power has a very good sense of humor. And last year, I met this guy who works in the mission, the LA mission in downtown, and he heard my story. I hope he's not here today.

He heard my story, and he said, would you transfer Santa Claus for us at the mission on 24th? And I said, yeah. Yeah. Of course. So we have about 500 kids coming and everything, and you have to be there at 5 o'clock in the morning.

Oh my god. God. I already may commence my sponsor, but I went. Last year, 24, I was there at 5 o'clock in the morning, and I took my daughter with me. And she held me to dress as Anna Claus, and she gave the presents to the poor kids that show up.

And there was one kid that got there and start crying and held me and hold me, and I give him a big hug, and I got this boy as mine. And I told him, you know what? You represent so much to me. You are so much to Santa Claus today. You are the most special thing to Santa Claus because I'm making amends in you or somebody that I heard before.

I love you. Thank you, Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank you for giving me the the the capacity to being honest. Thank you to giving me back my feelings. I love you, all of you.

Have a feliz navidad, everybody. Thank you.