The 25th San Diego Spring Roundup in San Diego, CA

That's welcome. My name is Mark Criner. I'm an alcoholic. I'm gonna start the clock. Hold on.

57 seconds. Thank you. Wow. I, boy, what a meeting. I, I wanna thank Al and, Ted, especially Ted.

Ted called me about a year ago and asked me if I'd be willing to come down and share with his group. So I was over in Hawaii enjoying myself and because I've learned in Alcoholics Anonymous, never say no to any request, I said sure because my head told me there'll be 18 people there. Also, it was a year, you know. So I'm always amazed when when people ask me to speak a year ahead of time, you know. It's, it's a real risk with a guy like me.

I it's a miracle it's a miracle to what it is. So if anyone ever asks you to speak a year in advance, just say yes. You know what I mean? Because you're just giving inspiration to stay sober for a year. And and then Ted would call me periodically throughout the year.

You still coming down Mark? It's great. I love Alcoholics Anonymous. Primary purpose, stay sober, carry the message, and have fun. And fun I have in AA.

And, before I get started tonight, I want to, like I said, definitely thank, Al and Ted and the entire committee for having me down, and and also, I want to thank, all the unseen heroes of the real of this committee of of the convention, I should really say. The people who are behind the scenes that aren't able to be here because they're working. So I'd like to give those people a hand tonight. Speakers like I, we have it made. We come down, we get treated good, we get great rooms, great everything, but that's really the the big the big for me, the big heroes of the conventions are the people behind the scenes.

And, and I and it's just great to see a bunch of people that, my friends from LA, and, my buddy Wayne who came down with me today, that's he had to turn his will and his life over to the care of, me for a while, and having Wayne as your guest for the weekend is an experience too. I, but I love him. I love them, and I and I believe that alcoholics of my type get more out of the average day. I wanna tell you how my day started. This morning, I, knowing I had to drive down here, I made sure to leave everything till this morning.

So I ran out this morning, and the first thing I did is I went to the store to get a few items. Now, I also want to tell you that it's a real honor to share the podium with some wonderful, wonderful speakers. It it really is. And and if you didn't have the opportunity to hear Steve, he's he's a wonderful guy, and I love him. I've had the opportunity to share the podium with him at another convention, and he's a great guy.

And he actually told a little of my story. What happened this morning, I went out to the store to get a few items. Now I'm 6 4. And what happens now that I'm sober, especially getting ready to speak at a convention, I make sure to do it right this morning. And I went to the quick line check out with 7 items.

Of course, I had up to 10, but I wanted to make sure I didn't go over. And, and what I did is I what I what I started doing that's why I believe alcoholics get more of the average day. What I started doing is I started counting people's items in front of me. Depending upon what type of mood I'm in and I wasn't like let's get moving mood this morning, a bunch of bananas Well, there's somebody that had a bunch of bananas this morning and other stuff and, by the time that I paid for my groceries, groceries, I was so exhausted. I would have called Ted and said, I'm tired.

I'm gonna go to sleep. And, and then I decided the next thing I said, well, you know, maybe you should get some gas, more because you're driving. So what I did is I went to the gas pump and what I started doing is telling you my story. But the gas pump was running and flooded the gas station and and then I did something which I thought was wonderful. I told Wayne, you know what, we're gonna be fine because Wayne always the type of guy, always wants to get there on time and I'm always convinced that I can get there on time, you know.

So I did what I thought every sober guy does. I headed down the freeway at a 105 miles sig alerts on the 4, 5, and the 5. Not 2, 3 signal alerts on the 4, 5, and the 5. And, as we're driving God's car, I, we made it on time. But anyway, I don't know about you but I have an allergy to the body coupled with a session of the mind with spirituality, and, and that for me is alcoholism.

And and for all our new friends to Alcoholics Anonymous, I wanna welcome you here this evening. I'm gonna share with you that I'm gonna try to stick to my own experience and not my opinions. I'll tell you why. It's been my experience in Alcoholics Anonymous that when I share my opinions people drink. I love Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I also suffer from another disease that Clancy I talks about up in Los Angeles as a disease of perception. What you say is not what I hear. It's kind of like I don't know about you but like when I see a wet paint sign, what that says to me is touch me. And I remember as a kid growing up in Sherman Oaks, my, the age about 16, my father said, son, it's time we sit down and have a talk. Now this is what I heard my father say.

I heard him say to me, you know Mark, you just better marry a rich woman. You're never gonna make it on your own. That's what I heard him say. My dad says, maybe you should go college, Mark. And, So I was on this mission to prove to my father that I didn't need anybody.

I could do it on my own at 16. Now you have to understand, I came from a wonderful family. We didn't have much money. I shared a bedroom oh, I shared a bedroom with my kid sister till I was 19. It's pretty humbling to go home at night and share a bedroom with your kid sister.

And, I remember driving my mother's car one day down the street, and I had much longer hair when I had hair. And I'll never forget this pretty girl pulling up next to me and saying asking me to roll my window down and and, she said are you the guy from the group 3 dog night? And I said yes, I am. It was nice to be recognized for who I was, you know. It it just felt right.

But it was pretty humbling going home, sharing a beer with my kid sister later that day. And alcoholics of my type get more out of the you know, we just blow things out of proportion and and I gotta tell you, in Alcoholics Anonymous, it's been my experience, there are a lot of wonderfully musically inclined people. I'm not one of them. And what happened is I I mean, I got to the point that I almost got on stage 1 night to sing. I had to stop.

And you know what they say in Alcoholics Anonymous too that if you don't quit 2 minutes before the miracle, you may be able to make certain men you never thought you'd be able to make. Well there I was almost 5 years sober and, secretary of a pretty good sized meeting in Los Angeles. And at the end of our meetings, we give secretaries announcements. And I thought I was working a pretty good program, you know, suited up showing up, being responsible, doing what needed to be done, thought I had made all my amends, until I was getting ready to make my announcement that until I was getting ready to make my announcement that evening. The guy from 3 dog night walked in.

So I did what I thought every sober guy does, I ran out of the room and, never gave those announcements, but I went back and made my amends, and he's still sober today, and that's the gift of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's one of the gifts. And and, but at 16, you know, after a few months of being, you know, this rock and roll star, I had to retire because people were catching up with me. And, God, I've done some pretty strange things. I'm I'm a believer that there's a God that's been watching over me.

I've been following the yellow brick road up and off looking for The Wizard of Oz for years. You know what I mean? And I know there's an angel and there's a there's been a God that's watched over me. I just haven't participated and allowed them to watch over me. Because it's virtually impossible to get where I was to where I am today.

Because after I retired from 3 Dog Night being a rock and roll star well, let me also tell you too, by the way, I love to drink. I really do. And really the best way of summing up my drinking is what they talked about in Los Angeles last summer and that's what the news media talked about every day, rolling blackouts. And that says it all about me. It's amazing how they were talking about me again, you know, every night.

And I also done a few non approved AA chemicals. I love pills. I'll tell you why I love pills. I love pills because my doctors used to when they gave me the pills on the outside and said take as needed. So I did.

I love Alcoholics Anonymous. Primary purpose, stay sober, carry the message, and have fun. So after retiring from being the superstar, I decided to go to Honolulu and cut my hair so people wouldn't find me. And I'll never forget the time that you can convince anyone from the Midwest of anything. Believe me when I tell you that.

I was a pillows. I was walking down Kowakawa which is a main street in Waikiki, and this couple from the Midwest said, are you the guy from the Lakers? Of course, I am. Had a lot of pictures taken. And you wonder why I drank.

You would too. Superstar and then an athlete. You know, it was I had to quit that too because I found out he was married in Los Angeles. Angeles. Wow.

But I'm still sharing a bed with my kid sister, you know what I mean? And, and a strange thing happened, I ended up at the right place at the right time, and found myself in the record industry. And 6 months there after, I literally went from the outhouse to the White House. I went from sharing a bedroom with my kid sister to a 14 bedroom estate on the beach. I became an overnight millionaire.

Press picked up on me. They made me this well, here's what the press said about me. I'm a genius. Right. I agreed with them too.

And it's amazing. And the amazing part is I can't hear a tune. So but that's okay. I ended up discovering a few groups and had a lot of success and was on every national talk show and received every award you could receive in the entertainment business and was in every national magazine and I was just boy genius. I mean, I was a genius.

They only had any idea who they were dealing with. And, they're dealing with a guy that's not playing with full deck. And if you think you are this evening, I suggest you keep coming back because I'm here to tell you that on my best day to day, I'm playing with 48 cards. I don't care how many men I sponsor, how many commitments, how many times I win, 48 cards. They're gone.

Just gone. So anyway, I just started living this great life. I'm here to tell you that if I can still do what I used to do, I'd still be doing it. I had a wonderful life. I lived the life of, Riley.

I mean it was I had everything. I went after all my dreams and the reality was what I was really doing on the inside was just trying to prove to my father that I could do it on my own. See, I didn't learn that till I got sober because my father passed away 3 weeks before I had the success. And it wasn't until I had the opportunity to come into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous to uncover, discover, and discard the baloney to realize the real reason I was on this drive, and the real reason I did this crazy stuff. I mean I got so crazy that I had 2 armed security guys with me.

Now I know there's a guy that loves you tonight. Believe me, because I'm here to tell you there was nobody that was ever after me. They're protecting you from me. And it was a great journey. I mean, I loved everything I did.

I mean, I gotta tell you, it's a little embarrassing, though. I, When I drink alcohol, funny things happen to me and that is that I keep all my clothes on except my pants. And when you're at the Grammys picking up an award and you're in the bathroom with your pants down because you're drunk, it's pretty embarrassing. And, it was an experience that I never want to forget. But I love Alcoholics Anonymous.

So what happened is how I finally arrived to Alcoholics Anonymous is that people suggested I that I had a problem, that I was drinking a little too much and that maybe I needed some help. So my whole life based upon my bad information, the same piece of machinery that counts people's items told me that I needed to go to AA to buy AA. Someone suggested go to a meeting and go to AA. So my head, what I heard was go purchase AA. I'm gonna tell you how I arrived in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Picture this, 2 armed security guys dressed as I am this evening with guns. Real apparent they had guns. I later learned to strongly suggest that when you come in the rooms of AA, do not come in here with a gun. And and I had my aloha shirt, my sweatpants, those eyes that look like I've just been thrown out of the 5 freeway going 90 miles an hour not knowing how you knew that I was new, walking into AA to buy AA. I walked into the into this well, actually, the what I later learned was the derm get sober section.

Walked in there and asked who the head guy of AA was. I brought a check that night. Guy said, just sit down. At the end of the meeting, I'll I'll tell you all the information you need to know. End of the meeting came.

He said, you know what? The guy's not here tonight, but if you come back tomorrow, I love Alcoholics Anonymous. What I failed to tell you is previous to coming to get sober about a month previous to getting sober, I had a misunderstanding with a federal agency, the FBI. And he called me in one day when I was still drinking and getting crazy. And he said, you know, Mark, we think you need to tell us some stuff.

I said, I don't know anything. They said, well, until you tell us what we need to know, we're just gonna follow you. I said, well, come on and hang out, you know. They did. 24 hours a day, 2 guys.

So when I walked into this meeting of a, I had the 2 FBI guys in the parking lot. So I came back the next night because I I was convinced the president of AA was gonna be there. Sat there and it was amazing. It was almost the same group of people, you know. At the end of the meeting, I get tapped on my shoulder by this old guy.

Well, he's my age now. And he said to me, he said and I he looked like the president of AA. He said to me, he said, we knew a nut like you was coming in last week and we had drawing for a sponsorship and I lost. I thought it was good. He said, we knew a VIP was coming in, so they gave me your mind.

I'm your sponsor. So I figured, well, it was good. So this guy, he told me his his name was Al. And Al said, tomorrow night we're going to this other meeting. Well, I didn't wanna I wanted to hook in with Al because I wanted, you know, I wanna buy AA.

We go to a meeting the next night. Al speaks. We went to a meeting the next night. Al spoke. We went to a meeting the next night in another city.

Al spoke. So I said, Al, are you the only guy who speaks in AA? You know what that loving man said? I'm the only guy you need to listen to so shut up. And like the second night we went to this room what I later have learned that they're called, you know, I mean they're clubs, you know, Alano Clubs, but I had no idea what they were.

And at the time, there were signs all over the walls. Walls and easy was everywhere. Easy did this, easy did that. I don't know about you but when I was new, it's all I saw was easy. Easy, easy, easy.

So I remember asking Al, I said, Al, what are these signs? He said, Mark, these are for VIPs. So you know the next question I asked Al, don't you? Are they gonna make one for me? He said, they already did.

Because I figured Al must have read a story about me because he was being real nice. He used to tell people that we had to have the front row because we had our new friend with us, so obviously they knew who I was. And I said, so Al, what's the sign say? He said, Mark, it's already coming. They're gonna put it up tomorrow.

I said, what's it gonna say? He said, get in the car and shut up. I love alcoholics, not us. Primary purpose, stay sober, carry the message, and have fun. Three key reasons why I'm blessed this evening to be your speaker.

1, I have a sobriety date which is February 22, 1983. 2, I have a home group. And 3, I have a sponsor who I love to death. But now if you can just picture this, 2 FBI guys, Al and I traveling around, it's wild. You know, and my security guys.

I love Al. And I'll never forget how I learned about 12 step work. You know, Al used to Al's been sober now 38 years and he's on this list from central office in Los Angeles. He's been on it for many years, that they call him all hours of the night. So Al would get Al gets these calls all hours of the night and then he'd call me up because he told me I was one of his favorite guys.

So here's what I heard Al say to me, dress up and look good. We're going on a 12 step call. Wear your best clothes. Now you gotta understand that I'm 6 4, and I told you that I was involved in the well, I was involved here it is. I was involved in the disco era music.

Now, you know why I drink. I guess I should tell you about my 1st week since I told you about disco before I tell you about my 12 step work because that's classic. In Los Angeles on Friday nights, we have a big meeting. It's on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. It's just the pretty people meeting.

You know, everybody dresses up. Right? Everyone just wants to look good, sound good. No one hears a single thing. They're just checking everybody out.

And, it was my 1st week of sobriety and this is what I heard Al say to me, hey Mark, on Friday night, I'm gonna take you to a meeting where you're gonna have a choice to pick your future wife. Look good. Well, like I told you before a minute ago, I'm 64. Well, with my disco shoes, I'm 73. The only problem is when I got sober, disco had been dead for 5 years.

And for any of you to remember, the pants were a little short. The jacket's real bright. Well, I'm here to tell you in over 19 years, I have yet yet to see my sponsor laugh so hard and non stop as when he honked that horn and I came running down and we took that drive to Beverly Hills, he couldn't stop cracking up. We got to Rodeo Drive and they couldn't stop laughing there either. And I had my first spiritual awakening, my first week of sobriety in a a at the break.

Because I walked in that room when as this evening, there are a lot of beautiful people. That's what happens when we get sober. We get beautiful. Well, in my eyes, that's how I see it. And what happened was, at the break, I was looking I didn't hear, like, tonight that this the readings were great, you know, and everything was wonderful, but they did the same thing that evening.

I didn't hear a single word because I was cruising the room for my new wife. And then all of a sudden, all these men came up to me at the break. Now I wanna tell you I respect your gender and what you're into and where you're going in life, but my interpretation of coming in here getting sober, turning my will life over to a higher power was not meeting men. I'm sorry. It just wasn't for me the 1st week.

And what happened is the men in AA will trick you because these guys look normal. Right, Ted? And then I did one of these guys that would say to me, here's my phone number you can call me anytime of the night. I don't think so. And then I would turn this way and the guy would say, would you like to have coffee with me?

I left that room with a pocket full of men's phone numbers and the miracle is there isn't a meeting that I don't attend on the west side of Los Angeles that I don't go running to the men to get a hug. Because it's the men's hugs and your love hugs that have saved my life. The power of the fellowship. You have loved me back to believing and loving myself from the beginning, and you've done it for now over 19 years. So what happened was, I went home and I threw all those numbers out.

Al found out. He said call me tomorrow morning when you wake up after you do what I suggest you do because Al has always suggested. He's never told me. I'll never forget what Al said the 1st week when I met him. We sat down and I and I brought all my articles about myself.

Myself. Can you relate? I wanna make sure Al knew who I was. And he said to me right then and there, he said, let me just tell you something, Mark. There isn't a single thing that you've got that I want.

Oh, really? I love Alcoholics Anonymous. And, so anyway, next morning I woke up, got down on my knees, which was strongly suggested for me to do, called my house staff to make my bed, called Al so I could tell him what I did. He said, well, tell me about your morning. So I said, I got down on my knees, had my house staff made.

He said, oh my god. I said, what do you mean oh my god? He said, the wrong guy is gonna stay sober. I said, I'll call you right back. I hung up the phone, jumped back in the bed, jumped out, set my purse made my own bed, called my sponsor.

You know what he did? Hung up on me. I love Al. So I was telling you about 12 step work. So Al used to say, traditionally, when we do 12 step work in Alcoholics Anonymous, we take 2 people.

He said, but with you, Mark, we're gonna take 3. I said, why? He said, because we gotta have one guy just watch you. It was unbelievable. I used to show up in my disco outfits at 4 in the morning in seedy hotels.

Al would have a beanie and sweats, you know. And Al would talk, the drunk would talk. The next guy would talk, the drunk would talk. I would talk, the drunk would puke all over my disco clothes. You know?

What a wonderful journey. Meanwhile, I still have FBI guys following me around. I'm so grateful for the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm so grateful for a sponsor who was loving enough to say, we're gonna find your path, buddy, through these steps. And he allowed me to to take what I needed to do to to work through these suggested steps, and and, and to get rid of a lot of that garbage that I was holding on to and and discover who I really was, who I have no idea who that is today, but, that's the that's the gift for me in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I get to keep coming back, and I get to keep learning and discovering and finding out that the guy that's standing up here is a pretty decent guy, I think. And so what happened was I was coming up on a year of sobriety and I still had these FBI guys following me around. And I decided there was so I so I thought it was time to what I used to do is I used to collect chips at every meeting I attended, because I went to a lot of meetings. So anytime I'd go somewhere, I always had these chips that I'd pull out of my pocket. That was like my guard, you know.

So I'll never forget that I had all these chips and I decided not to tell my sponsor and I went to the internal revenue service with my chips and said, look, I'm sober. And they were very grateful and appreciative that a knelt like me was doing something to help society. And, and they said that because I was so honest, I told them I had nothing because previous to seeing them, I took all my possessions. Remember, I came in here a very, very wealthy guy. I was a multimillionaire on the outside and a complete dead man on the inside.

So I took all those possessions before I went to the IRS and then I went to the IRS and we worked the deal out because they saw I had nothing. Went back and I told the guy that, that I had tried to pull this quick one on to give me my stuff back. I'm I'm ready. He said, what stuff? Now I want to tell you that for this guy right here, this alcoholic, that my whole life had been based upon outside stuff.

And here I was one more time, no car, no money, no home, and a police trained German shepherd that was worth more than I was to my name. See, because what happens is I'm gonna tell you something. Should you decide to do something foolish regarding the FBI, when you have 2 FBI guys following you around 24 hours a day, you lose the right to threaten people. You just do. And, so I called Al up 1 week before my 1 year a a birthday.

Here I am, nothing. So I said, Al, you won't believe this? He said, I'll believe it. I said, I've got no home. I ran the whole story by him.

I said, what do you suggest I do? He said, go to a meeting, help one of God's kids, and God will take care of you. And he hung up on me. And the last thing I wanna hear about was God and his kids. Sorry.

So I ended up showing up at a meeting in spite of my best thinking. Wouldn't you know there's a guy I was sponsoring for about 14 days. He said you could stay on my couch. Well, when you have a 125 pound German Shepherd, you don't get to stay on the couch. He kicks.

And and there I was, boy wonder. Shiny example of Alcoholics Anonymous. Come in here, be a service, suit up, show up, come in very wealthy, do it all. Go broke in a year. That's what I thought.

So I told my sponsor I couldn't take a cake. He said, are you crazy? I said, no, Al, what an inspiration I am. He said, Mark, I'm gonna really tell you how really important you are, not only in AA, but in the entire world. You know, his sponsors always wanna make you feel good and special.

So I said, well, tell me, Al. He said, look at it like this, Mark. There are over 6,000,000,000 people on the planet, and in ain't given one moment not one of them is thinking about you. Take your cake. You earned it.

See, and what I've learned from that experience, there's something you can no longer take from me, and that's my self respect, my dignity, my pride, most importantly, my sobriety. And the only person that takes it this time is me if I pick up that first drink, which with God's grace between now the time I go to sleep tonight, I won't. So I took that cake. I also no longer talk about my money, my car, my home, my relationship if I'm in 1. You know why?

Because I talk about God's car, God's money, God's relationship. Because anytime I talk about mine, you'll find me in bankruptcy court. It goes. But when it's God's, I get to use as long as I'm supposed to have it. And, so I took this cake with some pride and some dignity, and there were those FBI guys in the back, and my security guys, it was wild.

And I wanna let you know that I had FBI guys because my primary purpose this evening is to stay sober, carry the message and have fun. I had FBI agents follow me around for 2 and a half years. And then after two and a half years, he stopped following me. Then I took a 30 day chip off FBI agents like you took a 30 day chip off alcohol. It was huge.

It was great. I also learned about resentments in Alcoholics Anonymous. I was sponsoring this what would happen in LA is that whenever these, VIPs would come into AA, Al used to grab them and say, you ought to talk to Mark. He's a VIP too. And so all the men I was sponsoring were VIPs, and I did something real crazy.

I was married in a blackout. Surprise. And, we woke up we got divorced. And then I, I ran into the same woman in sobriety. So I my fine piece of machinery told me what you ought to do, Marcus.

Try it again sober. That's nuts. That is absolutely crazy. So we went out and it didn't work. Then I got a call from of those VIPs I sponsor.

When the men that I sponsor usually call me up, it's always about her or money. No one ever calls me up to say they love me. One of the guys called me up and he said I love you. I said, uh-oh we have a problem coming down the path. He said, you know your ex wife?

Now this guy is married to a well known superstar actress. He said, well, you know your ex wife? I said, yeah. I know my ex wife. He said, well, I think she's great.

I said, well, thank you. He said, well, I gotta tell you something. I said, what can you tell me? He's married. He said, well, I'm gonna leave my wife and run away with your ex wife.

I never thought somebody wanted what I had that bad would do what they did. You know what I mean? And so I called out. So being the good sponsor that I am, I said, I'll call you right back. Of course, I wanted to say a few things, but so I called Al.

I said, Al, this guy that I'm sponsoring wants is gonna run away with my ex wife. What do you think about that? He said, and he hung up on me. So I called Al back. I said, well, what do you suggest I do Al?

You know what he said? You got no choice, buddy. You've gotta pray for his health, his happiness and his success with your ex wife for indefinite period of time or you're gonna drink. And hung up on me again. So I called him back again.

I said, what's that all about? He says, how does it feel to have someone live rent free in your head? Hung up again. Again. Called him back.

I said, how long do I have to pray for this guy? Al said, I suggest 2 weeks. I figured piece of cake. Hung up. 15 minutes later, I prayed for this guy to die.

It's your Friday night speaker. Thank you. I'm telling you. It took me 6 months to get 2 solid weeks. It just did.

At the end of that, they ended they ended up getting married. God bless them. 9 months later, they got divorced. They're God's children. I love Alcoholics Anonymous.

Primary purpose, stay sober, carry the message and have fun. So I was dredging the road and what happens to people like me and all the people that I've encountered in alcohol the rooms of alcohol at synonymous is my life got good again. The outside stuff came, it went. The relationships have come and gone. Life's in session, there are no dress rehearsals.

It's like an e ticket with no destination. Alcoholics anonymous for me is the language of the heart. And what happened for me, I was coming up on 5 years of sobriety, and I got a phone call. And I got a call from one of those FBI guys. So my fine piece of machinery one more time said, obviously, they're having a convention on alcoholism, the federal employees.

And because they followed me around, they want me to be their keynote speaker. Wrong. If you ever want to know, in Los Angeles, they indite people on Tuesdays. So one of these guys told me, he said you've been indicted. You face 50 years in prison.

Now I wanna tell you when you get a call like that, it's not gonna pass at a meeting. So they said we trust the fact that you'll see, but I believe that coincidence for me is a long form of spelling God. And by coincidence, coincidence, he woke all my neighbors up that morning. They couldn't find me. That's unheard of for the FBI.

Let alone when you've been indicted. So they said we trust the fact that you'll turn yourself in. I said, sure. I'll be right there. So what did I do?

I called Al. So I called Al. I said, Al, you won't believe this one. He said, buddy, anything you tell me, I'll believe about you. I said, I've just been indicted and I face 50 years in prison.

What do I do? He said, don't call me, call your attorney. So I turned myself into the federal building in Westwood, California, and there were those 2 agents that had been following me for two and a half years, who hadn't seen me 2 and a half years, that were apologizing. They're saying, well, it was a grand jury. Now I want you to know that what they accused me of took place 3 years previous for me getting sober.

That's almost 8 years earlier. And the most amazing part is what those people accuse me of. I did. But I when I came to you, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I was willing to do whatever it took not to take a drink, and I had to make that commitment. However, when you're almost 5 years sober and you're faced with 50 years in prison, alcohol starts to think real good in your head.

You know what I mean? So we I turned myself in. The guys told me the case was so large, they had to take me down to federal court in front of a federal judge to see if I'd even get bail. They said we're gonna take you downtown. So we walked down the stairs.

We they said, look, we trust the fact that you're not gonna get crazy. We're not gonna handcuff you. We're gonna take our guns out, and we're gonna put you in the back seat with a little federal car with a little red light underneath the dash. So I did. So I sat in the back seat.

We pulled out. If you're new here this evening to Alcoholics Anonymous and you ever wanna know when you're gonna give your best pitch in AA, it's in the back seat of a federal card. Trust me. We pulled out, guy said to me 1 of the guys turned around and said, God, you look great. I said to myself, I look great you idiot.

I'm faced with 50 years in prison. You know us and hey, we'll look good at any lengths. You know what I mean? I went to I looked real good when I showed up the federal court. And he said so what have you been doing the last two and a half years?

So I told him in a general way what it was like, real general. What happened real general? Then we got down to federal court in LA and they said now we have to handcuff you. And I said that's what it's like today. I walked into the courtroom, 2 FBI agents.

I'm handcuffed, 2 deputies like I'm going nowhere. Walk into this courtroom on a Tuesday and the left side of my eye when I walk into the courtroom, who do I see in the courtroom? Al and 6 knuckleheads from AA. Now as you look around this evening, you know, I think you'll tend to agree with me when we get together as a group, we do not look like the PTA. So this federal judge says, who are these gentlemen with?

Bless my sponsors heart, I'm in handcuffs. I look over my shoulder and Al stands up says, My name is Al and I'm an alcoholic. And I'm his sponsor in AA. Well, based on Al, those 6 knuckleheads, they let me out on my own. No other coincidence.

I'm scared to death. I made this is great for my mom. Made the evening news, national news, front page of the LA Times. Boy wonder looked real good that day. I'm scared to death.

You guys are calling me up. You won't stay out of my life. You you come over to my house. You just won't leave me alone. You just were in my way.

And what happened, I was looking forward to going to my home group, which at that time was 300 strong the next day. And the next morning, I woke up and I got a call from one of those FBI guys. Now I wanna let you know, and I know there's some people are involved with government in this room. I know that. You know you can't talk to somebody after they've been indicted.

They can jeopardize their case. Because I know one of your speak oh, never mind. I can't say that. So anyway, what happened was Dave, the FBI guy said, I was very impressed with your talk in the car yesterday. I never knew I was giving a pitch.

And he said, I'd like to go to your meeting with you this evening because I have a problem with cigarettes. So I told him no problem. I hung up. I freaked out. I called Al.

I said the FBI guy that just called me wants to go to my own group. What do I do? You know what Al said? Take them. I called Al back.

I said it's a setup. They're gonna kill me. His name is Dave. I knew all what they were gonna do. All the way to the federal building I gave Al a description to Dave in case I'm die that night, you know.

It's 5 years clean and sober. It's great. So I get to the federal building and there's Dave with that same car going like this. I went with Dave. I knew it was all over for me.

Got in the car and Dave says, are you hungry? I said, yeah. I figured my head told me, of course, the waiters are gonna be all FBI. They're gonna they're my mind. It's dangerous place to hang out.

So what happened is we went to this restaurant, God be my witness, within 3 minutes, I should be crying. I should be crying. What about me? Dave says, I've been an agent for 29 years. I've got one more year to go on the force.

I'm an alcoholic. I have a drinking problem. I can't stop. I'm gonna die. Will you help me?

Get on my headset. No. It did. Drink, get whatever you like, die before my trial. Let me buy it all, dig.

What you've taught me, primary purpose, stay sober, carry the message, and have fun. So now I got a major problem here. I've got Dave the FBI agent who just arrested me yesterday and Dave the newcomer going to my home group meeting. I can't say anything because I'm afraid Dave's gonna tell on me. I walk into that room and everybody knows something's not right.

I'm gonna tell you about Dave. He looks like an FBI agent, he walks like because he is an FBI agent. I didn't say anything that night. I went back to the federal building. Dave says I'm gonna take you back to your car.

I said to myself, thank you. Getting ready to jump out of the car. You know Dave said, oh, excuse me. I said, I knew it was coming. You know what he said to me?

Would you be my sponsor? And what did I see? Freedom. Yes, Dave. I'll be the best boxer you've ever had.

Next day, I got a call from the FBI. Now when I get a call from the FBI, that's like shock treatment. I jump. You know what it was? Dave checking in.

I told Dave we have to have another password. You're gonna kill me, buddy. He doesn't know what I can do to myself. I'll show him. 2 days later you know Dave said to me, I'm pulling off your case.

Would you still sponsor me? I said why are you pulling off my case? Because I figured he'll write a letter to the judge. There was a purpose in my thinking. He said they find out that I'm talking to you that could jeopardize the case against you.