The Legacy Group in Fort Worth, TX

My name is John Allred, and I'm an alcoholic. But I left 2 hours ago to get over. Yeah. I was just a man. Can't be about to be late if I'm gonna talk about sex.

I'm just gonna talk about And I used to have a problem with sex. I really didn't have a problem with it. I liked it a lot. It wasn't one of the problem that I caused me a lot of problems in my life. And then I got into AA and found God and really came to see the sex was really a sacred spiritual holy experience.

Really something that should be enjoyed and shared by the 3 people involved. Talking about the 4th step. I've been sober in Alcoholics Anonymous, couple months. I don't know. Excuse me.

A couple weeks. I was I was in treatment. It's been sober 2 weeks. I've been reading ahead in a book and I saw that they, they had this searching in the fiercest moral inventory. And I I thought, well, I need to do that.

I went to my counselor and told her, I said, I think I need to take that, inventory. She said, oh, the search in fearless moral inventory. I said, yeah. So she gave me that big thick guide, you know, that you put out by that group up in Minnesota on how to take the 4th step. I want you to know I carried that around with me for 18 months.

Getting ready to take the step, you know. That's how we do it. We don't just take the steps. We gotta get ready to take them. You know.

We did that every step I ever took, had to get ready to did that step 1, had to get ready to take step 1. Now, I don't think if you had to come up to me as I'm sitting in the bar drunk and asked me, what what are you doing? I don't think I'd have said, well, I'm getting ready to take step 1. That's basically what we were doing is getting ready to take this step. And the problem I had is a 4 step.

It really wasn't the 4th step, but I've been reading ahead. And I saw about this 5th step. And I thought, okay. I don't mind writing that stuff down, but I'm not gonna tell anybody about it. I'm not gonna tell anybody about it.

That's between me and God. It's just us too. I don't need to tell anybody about that stuff. And and I grew up in a very, fundamental church, very fundamentals kind of guys. I grew up and was raised a Mormon.

And they're all like Catholics. They got this thing with confession. And I thought, you know what? They're probably gonna tell me I'll take it with a Mormon Bishop. I'm gonna take it with a Mormon Bishop.

Don't wanna take it I don't wanna do that church. I'm not gonna do it. They're gonna tell me I gotta do it. Don't wanna do it. And I thought, well, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna find another Mormon in AA and ask them who they did their fist step with.

And that's what I'll do mine with. I went to my sponsor, I'm living in Reno, Nevada, and I asked him, I said, do we have any Mormons in AA out here? And he's confirmation. You know, we used to have one up in Carson City, but he died. So I just had to spend my time getting ready to take the 4th step.

And, I told you last week how I came to Dallas in 83, February 1 of 83. And 1st week I'm in town, my sister I'm staying at my sister's place. She invited me to go to church because she's active in church and I stayed at her so I thought I'd go to church. So I go to church and I'm sitting on the back room, not bothering anybody. I'm just sitting there not talking to a soul, just sitting there.

Guy comes up and introduces himself. And, so I understand we have a common mutual friend. I I lost my sister. It's the only person I know in Dallas. And, he said, no.

I understand you're a friend of Bill w's. And I said, yeah. He said, well, come by and see me. And I went home. We had an appointment to see him that afternoon.

I went home and I started thinking, wait a minute. Where is this crap? They're trapping me here. My sister broke my anemone. She told this guy I'm an alcoholic.

And, he's probably not a real alcoholic. You know, I mean, what's he doing in church? You know? Well, I'm gonna go there and he's gonna tell me I gotta go back to church. I don't wanna go to church.

I'm not gonna go to church. Don't wanna go to church. He could tell me I gotta go to church. Church. Don't wanna do that.

But I I made this appointment with him and I understand my sister didn't wanna get her mad and kick me out. So I go over there, son, they found his house, pulled up in front of his house, looked at that, I thought, got a big house, big circular driveway, 2 new cars parked out front. This guy ain't a real alcoholic. You know, he's telling all those guys, he got drunk one time on a business trip, felt guilty about it, went to 2 meetings, been sober ever since. He's gonna tell me I gotta go to church.

I'm not gonna go there. I rang his doorbell. He comes to the door. We go back to his den. Guys got a den.

And, not that these things matter to me, but as we walk through his house, I casually just priced all his furnishings. Expensive stuff. I said, it's kinda not a real alcohol. We get back and I'm all set for him to tell him I gotta go to church. He says, before we get started, John, I just wanna tell you one thing.

I said, Yeah, what's that? He said, The church won't keep you sober. You better keep your butt in AA. I realized, he said, I understand. We started talking.

20 minutes later, asked to be my sponsor. He's still my sponsor today. And so we started getting on. He says, where are you on the steps? We started talking like that.

And I said, well, I'm getting ready to take the 4th step. And And he said, okay. And I said, well, I know you're gonna wanna take it. Take the 5th step with the Mormon Bishop. I don't wanna take it with the Mormon Bishop.

No. I'm gonna take it with the Mormon Bishop. He's He's, Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What what do you mean 5th step?

I said, Well, I know. I've been reading the head. I saw that 5th step. They're gonna take that with them on. He said, Wait a minute, John.

Let me tell you what they've done for people like you. They numbered these things. And you just have to work the steps in order. He said, you don't have to decide who you're going to take the 5th step with till you're done with the 4th. So you finished with the 4th?

I said, no. Just get ready to take it. He He said, well, you don't decide who take the 5th step with. He said, in fact, if you decide, it's wrong. He said, because if you decide to take it with me or take it with another guy or take it with a Catholic priest or take it with a Mormon Bishop, you'll write that.

That may make you slant the way you write it. You may write that in order to please that person. So you're deciding who you're gonna take it with. You just write it down and then at the end of it, when you get done, I'll tell you. Don't need to worry about it.

And so I said, okay. So he said, now you know how to do that? I said, yeah. Because I knew how to do it. I but they tricked you.

You ever notice that in in that book? That big blue book we got? Y'all got that up here? They trick you because they only put 3 comms in there. And I like those 3 comms.

That first comm in there, they said, just write down everybody you're mad at. I love that. I make that grudge list. That's what I call right down. Everybody that ever did me wrong and I just tick that, you know, write that down there.

Real easy to do. 2nd column. I like that column because you got to tell why you're mad at them. You know, that they told your wife about your affair. You know, they told your boss you were cheating on your expenses.

I tell you, you could tell them why but they they they cheated. They they knocked you out. 3rd column, a little tougher because then you gotta say, what what did that what fear did that create? Well, it threatened my marriage, threatened my job, threatened my pocketbook. You gotta but see then that 4th column, see they cheat because you gotta turn the page.

And then when you put it in a column, they just tell you about it. Chicken shit. Stuff, you know. They tell you about that 4th column because that's where that's where you gotta say, you know, what your role was. Don't like that calm at all.

Hate that calm. And my son said, just write on that inventory till it gets too painful and put it up. So I went home and I get out and I had my my paper and pens. I get on and start to write 5 minutes, I had to put it up. Just couldn't do it.

But I made a mistake. And if you're new, don't ever make this mistake. I told them I started. Big mistake. Because once you tell them you start your inventory, then they all every time they see it, they say, how's your inventory coming?

You know, I got so many things you can say, That done. Getting close. Few more things to put down, and we'll be finished with it. And the final response got mad at me and he said, you know what, John? He said, I love you.

And, we can be friends. But, you know, I'm just too busy to spend my time with people in AA who aren't serious about the recovery. I just can't do it. So if you're not serious about recovery, we can be friends, but I can't sponsor you. So if you're not done with your inventory, this was on a Wednesday, you told me, and he said, by a week from Saturday, you give me 10 days.

If You're not done with it, just get a new sponsor. Because I can't sponsor you. I only sponsor people who are serious about their recovery. So I waited till Friday night. Went home, made 2 pots of coffee, set up and finished my inventory, you know.

You can do it about 6 hours, we'll take you that long and do And, I was so excited. I got up Saturday morning. I called my sponsor, tell him I'm done. I don't have to give me a sponsor. Son of a bitch had gone to Hawaii.

Believe it. Like, I finished my inventory and you went on vacation, you know. What kind of deal is that? Whole world revolves around me. So I I know what to do.

So I just went to a meeting. Didn't tell anybody I finished in the night. Go to a meeting. Monday comes, went to work, and I just felt kinda dull. Nothing had happened.

Nobody said anything, but I just kept all kinda dull. Tuesday, get up, go to work. And I just felt kinda dull and flat. Nobody said anything. Nobody done anything.

I just felt kinda Wednesday, I'm starting into the valley. I start to feel that sense of impending doom and that fear starts to get up. A lot of anxiety. By Friday, it's suicide prevention time. I can't go to work.

You know. So first thing I do whenever I'm in a lot of pain and anxiety is the worst thing to do. And what I do is I seek isolation. I go home, I get I buy a 12 pack of that Coke carton of cigarettes, go home, lock the door, pull the blinds, let that phone ring, I ain't answering it. Gotta figure it out, you know, what's wrong.

And, my sponsor got home on Sunday. So I called him Monday morning, and I said, I need to see you today. And I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I had to go and meet him every day. Nothing happened, but I just have a lot of anxiety, fear, sense of impending doom.

So I meet him at noon over in Dallas for lunch, and and we got our food. We hadn't said anything. We were just chit chatting. And all of a sudden, I just lost it. Broke in.

I started crying. It's one of those boohoo things where I couldn't even stop crying, man. Just crying, crying, crying. He didn't look up. He was just eating.

It was embarrassing. You know, people started saying, oh my god. He's getting fired over there. Look at Joe. Finally, he looks up and he says, exactly when did you finish your inventory?

I said, a week ago, Saturday when I was supposed to. And he put down his fork. He said, no wonder you're so screwed up. He said, see, the book says upon completion of our inventory, we immediately take the 5th. We don't wait 10 days.

I'm going to take it away. You're going to know why. You know what to do. And he says, well, Johnny says, you know, I've been thinking about it. It really doesn't matter who you take it with.

You know, you can take it with me or you can take it with somebody else in the at the group. But I've been thinking of praying about your situation, knowing a little bit more about you now. I do think it would be beneficial for you if you took it with a Mormon Bishop. God, by then I didn't care, man. I really I just wandered out of that.

Gotta publish it in the Wall Street Journal, just get out of that thing, you know. So he goes left me and we call this guy. I never met this guy. Call this guy on the phone. Told him, I said, I'm a member of the church.

Tell him who it was. And I said, I need to see you tonight. And he said, okay. Which is really bizarre because that was Monday. And and the Mormon Church has no meetings on Monday night.

They make a big deal out of that. They're supposed to spend that night with your family and there aren't any means allowed. They lock the church. No nothing goes on on Monday night. This guy gave me a meeting Monday night.

And my sponsor told me, he said, you gotta take it tonight because you're not gonna make it 24 hours. He said, you've uncovered all that dirt and all that garbage and you're sitting there in this pool of dirty water and you gotta give it away. You can't hang on to it after you've uncovered it. And you're hanging on to it. You gotta give it away.

You ain't gonna make it. You gotta make it 24 hours. And so, guy gave me a meeting that night. And I met him that night. And my sponsor said, now he's not gonna know why you're there, so you take the 12 and 12 and have him reach after 5 out of the 12 and 12, so he don't know why you're there.

So I showed up at 7 o'clock when I supposed to, and he said, what what can I do for you? And I gave him the 12 and 12. So before we get started, read this. And he took 5 minutes to read the 12 and 12 chapter 5, and he he got through and he put it down. He says, man, nice.

That is that is beautiful. That's the most succinct benefit put down that I've seen of the benefit of confession. Is that why you're here? You have something to confess? I said, kinda.

You know? He said, what is it? I pulled out my written inventory. He said, what is that? I said, I just made a few notes so we wouldn't leave anything out, you know.

And the beauty of writing that inventory is you don't have to decide, am I gonna tell him this? Am I not gonna tell him that? You just have to read what you wrote down. No more decision. You just read what you wrote down.

So I just read my inventory to him and, about about 4 and a half hours later, they cried. I cried. It was a great meeting. Give me some good input. And there were 4 there were 4 piggies.

You know, those 4 big ones that you buried, the stuff you've done that nobody's gonna know. Nobody's gonna find out about this stuff. You're gonna go to the grave with this stuff. And I just kind of footnote those 4 biggies. Most of us got 4.

Al Anon's got 5. Most most of our allies got 4. And I just kinda footnoted those at the bottom. In case we ran out of time, wouldn't have to tell him, you know. And I got through and he said, is that everything?

And I said, well, I just got been here 4 and a half hours. I'm gonna get your family at home. So I finished it. So I just read the 4 biggies, you know. Probably the only four things killing me, really.

And I got through, called my book, and said, oh, when's court? You know, because they're very serious about it. They they really don't think a lot about what I do when I'm drinking. They don't think much about what I do when I'm sober, you know, but they really don't like what I do when I'm drinking. And so they put you in trial and they try your free membership if it's really bad.

And I closed my book up and I said, when's court? He said, I gotta get back to you on that. So he calls me a week later and he didn't call me. His boss called me and told me who he was and he said, I guess we need to get get together. And I said, okay.

So he told me what time to be there. So I met with him, took another 5th step with him, went through the whole thing with him. Got through. I said, when's court? He said, I gotta get back to him.

So about a week later, he calls me up and he said, court's on Thursday. Told me where to be, what time to be there. I said, fine. So I showed up, walked in. I knew pretty serious about it.

I got 15 guys in there. K? Three guys sitting up front running the show. And then I got 6 guys over here. They represent the church's attitude on my behavior.

And I got 6 guys over here. These 6 guys supposed to defend me. K? So I had got those 15 guys in there and went through another 5th step. Went through the whole thing with these 15 guys.

These 6 guys over here represent the church. They got a whole bunch of questions. My 6 guys got nothing to say. How are we gonna defend this? We can't defend this.

He's admitting that how we'd have him to defend that. You can't defend that. You know? Guy over here asked me, he says he says, brother Ari, it's either coming, brother Daniel. He says, brother Ari, you don't you don't seem very repentant.

I said, repentant? He said, yeah. You don't seem very repentant. I said, well, I said, you know, I guess, if you want me to tell you what it feels like to come home at 3 in the morning to your wife, you met drinking and crowds and all night, and look into her eyes because you really love her. And you promised her many times you'd never do that again and have her cry all night because you know what?

You just had to do it. And you feel all that guilt and all that shame because you don't wanna hurt her like that. All that self hate. You want me to tell you what that feels like? I can tell you exactly what that feels like.

You want me to tell you what it feels like to come home at 10 o'clock in in the evening? It's early for me when I'm drinking, 10 o'clock early. And have your little 6 year old son come running out crying because it's his birthday. And he had a birthday party. And you left the office early to go to the party.

And then he thought, you know what? It's early. I can stop by and have 1. Next thing you know, it's 10 o'clock. And looking in that eyes that little 6 old boy and he's crying and said, daddy, where you been?

You missed my party. And you feel all that guilt, all that shame, and all that self hatred. You want me to tell you what that feels like? Every alcoholic in this room knows exactly what that feels like. I can tell you what that feels like.

I told you, I said, but you know what? That's not my problem. That's just stuff that I did when I was real sick. And that's not my problem today. In fact, I don't have problems today.

So you guys got the problem. I was supposed to write that stuff down and share with another human being, which I did. And now you guys have the problem because you guys are supposed to decide what God's will is for me. I don't have that problem. It's your problem now.

You have to say what god's will. I hope you're spiritually fit. Been praying all day for you guys. So that that dismissed me, went outside and I came back, I was at about 9, they came back in and the guy running the show at the residence said, brother, he said, we've been in here praying and talking about you for now. Trying to say, well, trying to decide what god's we talked a lot about god's will.

That's what we've been trying to say, what God's will is for you, what would be best, what God wants us to do with you. And there were 4 things they could do. They could they could, excommunicate you, you know, which means they kick you out of the church. They could dis fellowship you, which means you're still a member, and you can go, but you can't talk. Okay?

And and you're kind of on probation if you script one time, you're out the door. They could put you on probation, which means you remember you can go and you can talk, but you're on probation. If you script one time, you're you're done. Or they could take no action. He said, those are the 4 things they do.

And I want to tell you, by the time they get 15 guys together to spend 3 hours on Thursday night, I've never known them not to do something. They always do something. He said, so we've been praying to know what God's will is for you. What one of those four things we should do. And he said, I wanna tell you something.

We had one vote, and it was unanimous. I'll also tell you something else. Everyone in this room knows what God's will is for you. We know it beyond the shadow of a doubt. And it's God's will that the church take no action.

Can you believe that the Mormons didn't even do anything to an alcoholic? Now, the book says that more than anyone else, the alcoholic leads 2 lives. I think that's one place where the book's probably a little modest. I mean, hell, if we get into 2 lives, we'd be okay. You know?

I had all these lives I've been living. I have this one life at home. I have this other life at work. I have this other life at church. I have this other life at the bar.

And I have different lives in different bars. You know? Some bars has one way, other bars has another way. You know? And nobody knew the whole story.

When an alcoholic's out there drinking and ripping and running, nobody knows the whole story. Ton of secrets. Nobody knows the the guys you drink with don't know the whole story because you're a different way when you leave. And many times I would leave, the barber except, I didn't go home. They all went home.

You know, they don't know what's going on. Ton of secrets. Nobody knows the whole story. And for the first time when you write that stuff down and you share with another human being, one of the guy on earth, one of the guy on earth that knows everything, knows the whole story about what you've been doing. What an incredible deal to have somebody else know everything.

You know? What happens when you do that? Pretty neat stuff. Because what happens is there are no more secrets, a lot of freedom. You're gonna get rid of a little guilt, but not a lot.

More of that guilt is gonna get released in step 10 or step 9 when you start making amends. Okay? But you're gonna get a little relief in that. But you know what? Nothing changes.

And I'm amazed of what we think happens in the 4th and 5th step. We think the 4th and 5th step is what's gonna free us. That we're gonna get changed in that. We're no longer gonna have to act. I and we think about it all the time.

I I'm years ago, I'm having lunch with a guy, Friday. And he said, I gotta get going, man. Good for my kid. Say, I gotta go home and finish my inventory. I said, you're doing another inventory?

Yeah. He did 4 4 steps. And these weren't annual inventories. These were 4 steps. We went back when he was a kid and started writing about stuff.

He did 4 in 1 year. And he said, yeah. He says, you know, having problem with relationships. So I'm right another got me with my sponsor tonight, finished this inventory. So I'm peeling a little more of the onion.

Right? Doing a lot more inventory to find out why I'm having problems with relationships. Does she have problem relationships? He said, well, you know I am. I said, yeah, I do.

I said, you know why you're having problems, Kevin? He said, why? I said, the reason you're having problems with relationships, because you're a selfish, self centered son of a That's what you have done right now. So, selfish, self centered. That we believe is the root of our problem.

You're not gonna be able to inventory that stuff away. I wish it was that simple. You know, I'm in a meeting, the gas talking. She just finished an inventory. Her her third inventory on finances.

She's having problems with finances. As you know why you're having problems with finances? She said, why? I'm trying to find out. So the reason you have a problem with finances is because you're a self self centered son of a bitch.

Well, you're probably planning. In fact, you spend more than you may. You know? You're not gonna discover anything by writing an inventory on that. And And if you do, it won't do you any good.

See, it doesn't change in 4 and 5. The change takes place in 6 and 7. That's where it changes is in 6 and 7, not 4 and 5. You know, I wish we could inventory it away. And it would be that simple and we we could get well just by writing inventory.

But we learned how not to do that. We learned how not to do something. We learned how to change in step 1. You know? I had a terrible time with sex.

You know? I was reading in a in a article newspaper years ago, and it said that the average normal Now I'm explaining what normal means. Okay? But if I'm normal, it's what the average American male does. Okay?

That's what the norm is, the norm for that society. And it said that the average normal American male has and it was like 14 different sex partners in his lifetime. And the and the normal female had like 9. I read that and I thought they've got to be talked about every 6 months or something like that. That can't be that cannot be like if that's the if that's the average I feel bad for those normal people out there.

Someone ain't getting any. You know? Because we raise that average up a whole bunch. You know what I mean? Just incredible.

But how am I gonna change? And by the way, until I get that fixed, I ain't got a shot at having a healthy relationship. You know? So how am I gonna change that? So you're doing me any good to write about it?

You know? Let me tell you, we learned how not to do something in step 1. How do I learn how not to drink? Well, what do I have to do? Well, I had to not drink one day at a time.

I'd talked to my sponsor about it, go to me and pray to have God change me so that he removed the compulsion to live to drink. So I no longer want to drink anymore. And the compulsion drink was just taken and I no longer had that desire. K? That's that's that's how my not drinking happened.

I didn't drink one day at a time, went to meetings, talked to my sponsor, and prayed to have God change me. And God changed me. So I no longer drink. So we learned how not to do something. So how am I gonna fix that sex deal?

Well, all I'm gonna have to do is I'm gonna do the same thing I do with my drinking. And with every character defect I got, which is in 6 and 7, I'm gonna have to do this with. I'm gonna have to not have affairs one day at a time. Rather write about it, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you use for the right inventory back then than not do it?

Let me ask you a question. Would you have ever got sober if you had written about drinking and kept drinking? No. Which then you had to quit drinking. Right?

So how are you gonna get well on your sick? I have to quit having affairs one day. Now, I guess I could have dated. If I could have dated and and not, you know, made a move to get her to bed, I guess I could have done that. But I couldn't do that, you know?

So I had to quit dating. So I quit having affairs one day at a time, talk to my sponsor about it, and pray to have God change me. That's something I have to fix that thing, You know? And so I just quit dating. I start hanging out with myself, first of all.

Just bit it's hung up on and, you know, I found out, you know, it's okay to be by myself. I I went to the movie for the first time by myself. You know, I was like 32 years old before I went to my first movie by myself. And, and I started to learn to be friends with John. And then I started hanging out with guys.

I found out how I could be friends with guys, which was really the first step of learning to be friends with another human being where the sex deal didn't come into the into the mix, you know. So I could learn to be friends with guys, hang out with guys. I got some tremendous male friends that I would go to the wall for. I know they'd go the wall for me. You know?

Just tremendous male friends. And I didn't date for a while and they'd say, how long? I said, I don't know. But I remember I was at this party, a male friend of mine, not in AA, invited me to this party, Christmas party. We go to this Christmas party.

And, it was pretty fun part. I meet this gal, name is Nancy. And we've had a common bond because she smoked. And at that time I that time I smoked, you know. So, man, if you're a smoker and you find another smoker, boy, you're friends.

Right? And back then I was smoking. We had to go out on that balcony and smoke and I got to be friends with her and talked to her and got her phone number. I thought, that's pretty neat. Yeah, I went home.

Next day I called my sponsor and I said, Man, I met this gal. I'm putting you down. I think I'd take her out. And he said, Well, okay. He said, let me tell you.

You do that on on two conditions and you take her out. On one condition. I said, what's that? He said, you're totally honest. If you can be totally honest with her, you can take her out.

I said, I can be totally honest. She said, I don't think you can, but we'll find out. You know? So so I said, how do I how do I go about taking her out? He said, well, you call her on the phone and you ask her out.

You got her phone number. I said, you got her phone number, but I can't do that. You can't call her and ask her out? I said, no. That's not the way I do.

But, you know, it's not the way what I do is I come in like, here we are. We're at Legacy. Thursday night, I said, oh, there she is sitting in the corner. I'll come back here next Thursday. And you know how territorial we are?

We always sit in the same general area, right? So I'll sit over here, she'll sit over here, and then every week I'll start to move a little closer. And that's why. And then about a month later, I'm down here. I'm chit chatting with her, find out where they go to coffee after the meeting.

So let me go to a bunch of us go to coffee after the meeting, sit in a big table and sit over here and I'll sit down here. And then every week I start to move a little closer down there, stack there. If I finally get down there, we chit chat and I finally takes me about 2 months to ask her out on a date, you know? If I ask her out and we got on this date. He said, No, I just called her and asked her out.

Scary deal for me. So I called her and she said, Yeah. So we got on this date. 1st date, we did everything the 1st date. We went to dinner, we went to a movie, and we were not dancing all the 1st night.

And not to do the 2nd day, we did all the 1st night. And drop drop drop 2 o'clock in the morning. Didn't have to ask her tonight. Do you wanna have like, come in for coffee? You ever notice how silly that is?

The only people that drink coffee at 2 AM are alcoholics. Everybody else is going to bed. You know, we want coffee. Can we have some coffee? Just had the letter, thank her and went home.

You know, I was so excited. It was 2:30 in the morning. I called my sponsor up 2:30. He said, well, I'm home. He said he said, are you alone?

I said, Yeah. He said, The only time I want you to call me at 2:30 in the morning is when you're not alone. So I just started dating, man. So we just dated, you know. That's all we did.

We dated. I learned a lot, man. Learned an awful lot. Learned how to be honest with Nancy. Yeah.

And that came out of sheer desperation because I've never been honest with the woman my whole life. So I like to paint this picture for the woman of what I think she wants to see. And then it takes her about 6 weeks to find out, wait a minute, this picture doesn't really match what his reality is, you know. So my my my relationship usually lasted 6 weeks and Lord have you on. And that came out of desperation.

It's one of those things where I've made a date with her on Saturday, on Tuesday. My sponsor told me, he said, if you wanna take the girl out on the weekend, on Saturday, you have to ask her no later than Tuesday, 5 days ahead of time. You know, you have to show the respect to ask her to go out 5 days ahead of time. And by the way, girls, if he if he waits until Friday or Saturday to ask you out for that weekend, don't go. Because he's been shopping all week.

That's what he's been doing. He's been shopping for a better deal. He couldn't find a better deal, so you win by default. That's that's the reality of the deal, man. And guys, I'm gonna tell you, I started doing that.

I started asking him out on this date for Saturday, on Tuesday. And when they tell you that line, you know, well, you know, I live one day at a time. I never planned that far ahead. Call me, you know, Saturday morning. We'll see.

Don't call her. Don't even waste your time because she's she will have a date, you know, because she's been shopping, you know. And now if she's if she's available, she'll say, yeah, I've got a idea. But if she's got a better deal because I'd I'd come up and say, oh, I'm sorry, man. I I have plans.

Oh, I thought I thought you lived one day at a time. Just made them. Just just made them. You know? It's next.

Here we are. We are gonna get emotionally involved with somebody, but we can't make a commitment 5 days ahead of time. Yeah. We wanna commit for the rest of our lives to fall in love with this person. How silly was that?

You know? So So he said, you you, you show him the respect of asking him 5 days ahead of time. So I asked her out 5 days ahead of time on Tuesday. And it's one of those where, payday fell on the weekend. K?

But, you know, if the payday falls on the weekend, my god, they ought to pay you on Friday. That's all I look at. They ought to pay you on Friday. Friday comes, I'm gonna get my paycheck. And they said, well, you know, we usually pay it because the checks come in from New York and they usually come in on Friday.

We We pay them. We we put them out. But if you look in your handbook and put handbook, we really don't have to pay it till Monday when they and the checks haven't come in, so we won't pay you till Monday. And I said, oh, no. No.

This didn't work. I got a date. I said, I only got $7. I got a date. I need my paycheck.

You get paid Monday like everybody else. Not me. I want my paycheck today. No. You can't give me that.

Well, I'm so upset. I gotta go home. I leave, go home, buy my buy my 12 pack of diet Coke or cigarettes, lock the door, got it figured out. When I got a date with Nancy, I got $7. Don't know what I'm gonna do.

Don't know what I'm gonna do. Finally, about 6 o'clock, I figured out. I get an intuitive thought. There is a Tom Thumb next to her house where she lives. In fact, then you can write a check of Tom Thumb for a $100.

I'm gonna go down here tomorrow on my way to pick her up. I'm gonna write a check something for a $100. They'll give me the money to go on this date. We're on this date. And then Monday, when the checks come in, I'll take it to the bank and I'm feeling so good now.

I can go to a meeting. You know? So I go to a meeting, go to my home group. Dallas North Home Group at the time. My sponsor's there.

It's not his home group. He shouldn't be there. I don't look at him. I'm getting ready to leave. Susan needs a room, getting out of there.

He grabs me. He says, what are you doing? I said, nothing. He said, well, what are you thinking about doing? I said, well, I said, I got a little problem.

I only got $7. I got to get a date with Nancy tomorrow and I if I was gonna get paid today, don't get paid till Monday. And, I only got $7 in my pocket. And he said, well, it's gonna be a short date. I said, well, I gotta handle.

He said, what do you mean you gotta handle? What do you do? I said, well, I'm gonna go to the confluence next to her and ask me to write this check for a $100. So wait a minute. You can't go on the date.

What do you mean you can't go on the date? He said, well, remember our agreement? You go as long as you're totally honest? You're not being honest with her. In fact, you are when you write that check something, you are promised in Tom Thumb, you have the money in the bank, you don't.

You are stealing money from Tom Thumb. And you're going out and you're spending stolen funds on this girl to impress her. You're only you're not only a liar, you're a thief. And she deserves better than that. I couldn't believe it.

I said, what am I gonna do? He said, that you're gonna call her and tell her you can't go. That's what happens when she says, why? Then you tell her you just can't afford to go out this weekend. No big deal.

Just can't afford it. Worst call I ever made in my life, man. Went home, called her on the phone, Friday night, she answers, I was hoping you get her answering machine. Woman's home. She answers the phone.

I said, Nancy, I know we got the state tomorrow. I don't I just I just just can't make it. She said, okay. See, she's not an alcoholic. She didn't even know why.