David A. 12 step study at Memphis Bluff City fellowship convention

Did that. The 7th step is the wait. I'm gonna ask him to remove our shortcomings. When we're ready to let God do it to us with his heart and maintain sanity that we don't wanna live the way we used to live. But we're condemned to live the way we used to live unless we don't go on to get the spiritual courage by practical experience in living the steps in our own life.

To where we get to the point where there's no situation too difficult and knowing what happened is too great, it cannot be overcome. And then a drink of alcohol will never make it any better, make it worse. And when we're ready, we say, my creator, I'm not willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defective character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellow black new strength as I go forth to do your bidding. Now step 6 and 7, That's the anchor and the glue of the recovery program of the autonomous phenomenon.

The true test of our willingness to let God do it is the next two steps. The amend steps. Everyone of us here in this meeting right now, if we've got something, that we haven't let go I don't know about you, but I'm gonna tell you, the only problem I have one day at a time, people are not doing what I want them to do. That's all. Okay.

Insomitable obstacle, but we'll have to try to remember that no matter how well we perform, this is one step that we'll never really complete or finish. And if there's anyone foolish enough in Alcoholics and Oz to believe that we only make a list of the persons we harm come call come before we come to Alcoholics Anonymous. Leave plenty of room down at the bottom because if one thinks they're not gonna harm another human being after we get sober, you're nuts. Now now if we made a search in fairness borrowed inventory, you know, ourselves, the time now comes. We need to redouble out to see how and how many people we have hurt.

Reexamining and reopening these emotional scars, some we have forgotten. Some will look very painful at first and some too useless without any purpose, whatever. But here, once again, the key requirement is willingness. The most difficult obstacle will start right up front and that is forgiveness. And our emotions start to run on the fence just remembering our broken relationships with another human being or human beings.

And a lot of times, an ardent final excuse for looking and searching for the wrongs we have done in others will automatically start resenting the wrongs he or she has done. Look. Well, look what they did to me. So with enthusiasm, we'll jump on his or her behavior as a perfect excuse excuse to slop over and not do anything on our own. And this is where I believe we need to bring ourselves up and stop and realize one thing.

And always remember that when dealing with other people, us alcoholics are not the only ones that are handed by sick emotions and screwy behavior. We have 2 cooperating fellowships that are haunted by sick emotions and screwy behavior. And many of them didn't even drink alcohol. We're not the only ones in this world, but we'll use it as a hammer on our head. I'm supposed to act that way after I'm an alcoholic.

You betcha. There are millions of people running around Tennessee and in Georgia and Arkansas and Southern Missouri and northern part of Louisiana and Mississippi with a bunch of little problems and no way to solve them. Ours is too big to hide. We have time after time saying the patience of our best friends and the snapping point and brought out the worst, and those some of them didn't think much of us to start with. Many times, we brought out, when and when dealing with other people, people whose troubles we have increased.

So we're now about to ask for forgiveness for ourselves. Why then should we begin by forgiving them one and all? Now when we start to lift the people whom we harm, we're gonna run into another obstacle because we're gonna get a rather stiff shock or awakening when we realize that we're getting ready to make face to face admission of our stinking conduct to those who hurt. Sure. It was embarrassing when incompetence.

We admitted these things to god, to ourselves, and other humans. But now the thought of facing face to face or even writing those people concerned certainly doesn't look like the most pleasant thing to do when many of them despise them. They despise me. I had to put people down on my list who told me, don't you ever show up in front of me. Again, Never.

If you do and I don't have a gun or a poison or atomic bomb or a knife or something, I'm a I'm a kid you. I've had people tell me if I'm crossing the street and they're in a car and they see me, they're gonna run over me. I've had one of them told me if you're walking on the sidewalk and I'm driving down the street and I see, I'm gonna run over you. I went to my sponsor, and I said I cannot go make an amend to him. He said, why?

He said, because he said if I showed up, he's gonna kill me. He said, you're gonna make the amend. I said, did you hear what I said? He said he's gonna kill me. You know what my sponsor said?

It's okay. At least you'll be sober when he does. A good sponsor has got an answer for everything. I don't mind that. And so as a result of, you know, yeah, these are in other ways in which fear combined by our pride walks away to make a list of all persons that would harm.

You know? You know? Some rights like, well, you know, they never did drink at home, paid their bills. Family didn't suffer because they were at work or on the job. Their businesses didn't suffer.

Some of us even foolish enough to really believe that our personal reputation didn't suffer. You know? Only a few knew about it drinking. Only our alcoholic playmates, and surely they wouldn't squeal on us. They're the first ones to squeal.

Any good, respectful, drinking alcoholic knows that if you can get another human being to believe what you tell them, you haven't got a problem. And there's enough suckers running around the world that will try to believe an alcoholic. And if you don't believe what I'm telling you the truth, ask any member of Al Anon. They are experts in believing the unbelievable. You betcha.

Although making restitutions to others is a prime and partner, it's just as necessary to dig out from this examination ourselves every scrap of information about ourselves and understand the fundamental difficulties arising from our personal relations with others. Unmanageable relations with other human beings have nearly been, you know, one of the immediate causes of our problem, include alcoholism and no area of investigation will give us a more valuable and satisfying reward. Now why does AA do this? We are condemned to relive our lives as it affected others after we get sober. Unless we have got a way to get rid of the fear and the shame and the ones that we dread to go see the most.

Because now we have the opportunity to go far beyond those things has always appeared to be ugly on the surface. Now what do we mean when people harm each other? What kind of harm do people do to one another? Well, if you find harm in a practical sense, we might cause the result of instincts and collision which cause physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual damage to people. If our tempers are consistently mean, we arouse the anger in others.

If we lie and we cheat, we not only deprive others as a worthy possession, but of their emotional security, peace of mind, and this usually brings about revenge, physical violence in some instances, in some instances, legal action. If our sex behavior is selfish, we usually invite jealousy, misery, and in many instances, a strong desire of the opposite sex to retaliate in crime. That's just some of the more prominent harm. But I like to talk about some of the less obvious, very damaging harm. How about our relations with our blood thinning, emotionally attached, and families when we're miserable, cold, hard, callous, and irresponsible?

How about when we're full of that nit picking criticism, irritable, impatient, and humorless? What happens when we constantly play favorites with only one member of the family and neglect the other, particularly when our family's favorite member is not one of the children. It's the dog or the cat or the canary or the paracoot or the bird dog or the horse. I've been in drunk's homes. You know, you walk in.

Favorite member of the family is the poodle. They'll take that poodle down to poodle house and have it shampooed, plum tail, plum head. They don't go down and get a heart collar to get one of them diamond collars. Then they have all them little nails painted orange and purple and stripes and green and red and brown. And they go to the butcher shop and get this finest of meat and have all the fat trimmed away.

And the kids come running in the house. Hey, mama. What we got for supper tonight? Mama said, here's $5. Go down to Pizza Hut.

Kids say, we don't wanna eat the Pizza Hut. We wanna eat what the fools eat. No. And what happens when you line your family up by military law and order, minute minute directions, demanding how each individual member I used to line them up like a drill sergeant in the marine corps. I'd line them up, and I didn't like their hair, and I didn't like what they did.

And I got mad at my wife because she's putting things away on layaway. I had to get sober to find out that's the only way she could buy anything and put it away on layaway. I told her one day, I said, woman, if you don't quit doing all those things, I'm gonna take your car away. She reached in her apron and pitched me the key and said, here's the key to the car. You might as well have The bank's getting ready to repossess it anyway.

You know? Yeah. And so no wonder. You know, the kind that makes dating living with us is active alcoholics and in many instances, sober members of alcoholics. So unbearable and sometimes very unbearable.

Yeah. Yeah. And usually very difficult. Shoot. No wonder our families, our friends want it out.

And this list could go on from now until doomsday. As a result of having such a constant and daily way of life as active alcoholics and sometimes sober members of AA. No wonder we took and take such personality defects into our offices, into society in which we live, whether they then do the damage and harm, almost devastated as we've caused at home. Now stop and think. Is it only ourselves, sweetheart?

You betcha. It is suggested each individual should be thought over. Now this step is a great mental conditioner, and willingness is the main key. Learning to live with others is not only a necessity, but can and will become a pleasure. We must always take the objective view.

For step 8 is the beginning and the end of isolation. And when enough, call upon what AA's experience and wisdom clearly shows us by remembering what this step has meant and its meaning to others. And I one of the list I had to put on the list was our oldest son. He was gonna kill me when he was 15 years late Because you see, whatever success and their tremendous successes today, both sides, Their father didn't have anything to do with it. I didn't have anything to do with their mother.

Their mother was their mother. Their mother was their father. Their mother was their Santa Claus. Their mother took them on vacations. Their mother took them on little band trips and football trips.

Their mother took them to Cub Scouts. Later on, Boy Scouts. Their mother. And the oldest son was gonna kill me one day because their mother was the only link to sanity those 2 boys had. And they couldn't stand to see what has happened to that link of sanity to their mother.

Her emotional being because of me. The wildness left his eyes, and he spat in my face. And he said, you're no longer my father, and I'm no longer your son. And he walked out of my life. And I had no real communication with him for a number of years.

Now I'm sober for a year. And he came home one weekend from the university. And we had one of those knocked down, drydock verbal battles. I didn't like the kind of courses he was taking down there, and I didn't like the way he looked, and I didn't like the way he acted, blah blah blah blah this. And he says the he says words that'll hurt you more when you're sober than anything else when the blood came to look you in the eye and say, you're just like you were when you're drinking except you're not drinking.

I'm not coming home anymore. I don't wanna waste my time with you. And he went in the room, locked the door. Now here, I used to lay in wine hotels, and I'd be in jail or I'd be somewhere. Why can't I be if I just had the opportunity to be the kind of a father I really wanna be?

And here I have the opportunity in AA, but I'm not letting step 6 and 7 work in my life on a daily basis. And I'm running away the ones that I wanna love, Not drinking. Not drinking. Don't let me any good call my sponsor. I don't care what's the call or what time of the day.

It gives you the same answer. Don't drink. Read the big book. Go to business and work with drunk. I don't know about you, but every time I open up the big book, it's right where I need to read.

I opened it up. That's where I was, the family effort. And it said, when you have a breakdown in relationship, I said, I said, thank you, God, for allowing me to live, to find people who put this book and now people who are in AA that are trying to live it. It makes more sense than anything I've ever when you have a breakdown in a relationship, one is demanding too much and the other is accused of not getting enough. And the next morning, I knocked on his bedroom door.

Said, who is it? I said, it's your father. He opened the door. What do you want? His name is David also.

I said, David, I need to talk with you. I do not talk do not know how to talk with you. Will you help me talk with you? Now those are not my words. I learned that sitting in coffee tables and in hospitality rooms, at conferences and conventions, in groups, in people's homes, and in coffee shops, and over ice cream.

Up to that time with him, it was David. I need to talk to you, at you, and about you, but never was it I need to talk with you. And then I said, will you help help me so we can both talk? Made him a part of the solution. Then he looked at me and he said, daddy, you bring the drunk home, and y'all go places, and they give you the freedom for you to tell them about you, and you give them the freedom to tell for them to tell you about them.

But when it comes to brother and me, it's you, you, you, you, you. There are things that we wanna tell you that is churning within us. That other little boys get to tell their daddy, Well, you won't let them. Daddy, we wanna love you, but you turned your back on it. And from that time on, these last 27 years, we have not had one crossword between son 1 and son 2, and I darned nearly missed the deal.

He was absolutely correct that my ego and deflation had run out of air, and it needed a lot of patching. And it certainly did. Now you see step 89 is a true test of our spiritual growth. Because what is there? There's god, you and me.

That's all that in this world. That's all. God, you and me. That's it. And it's when we're honest with another human being and how we get along with people, that's and doesn't it wonderful how well it makes the day go?

Why? Because the spirit of the human being that comes with each mother's birth is pleased with the flesh and the bones and the hair and the veins that cover that one magnificent thing that comes with each and every one of us at birth. That's still small but powerful silent voice. Yeah. A conscience.

You bet. And so as a result, we're gonna make these demands. Step 9, make direct demands to such people wherever possible except when to do so and into them or others. This business of making amends may take a a long time. It may even take years, but it deserves.

It's not haste that counts. Because many of us in there will agree to the effectiveness of a a way of life, but many of us feel fail to receive the true benefit from it. Because why? We've not properly evaluated our alcohol illness. We have them come in.

You know? Well, you know, I I I never been in jail, and I never gotten a DWI, and I never a divorce and still have my business, and I still have money to buy, still belong to the country club, still got a fishing camp, still got all this and all that. You know? So they don't believe themselves to be as sick as him. Look where he come from.

Yeah. The nuthouse. Okay. Right there and then, the member that judges somebody else, an alcoholic clown, is the sickest member of AA. You bet you.

Because wine. It's not to rise. They don't have to inconvenience themselves to get well. That's all. Now we don't arrest our our alcoholism again and recover by just merely agreeing with the principle of the program.

We're gonna have to live them. But how many of us stop and realize and face the fact, honestly, that our own names had the list of those whom we have wronged. And by living the program on a daily basis, our way of life, we make daily amends to ourselves, to our bodies, to our confused minds, and our troubled spirit. Now it's not too difficult to list the names of the people who suffered because we drank or suffered because in between drunks. Our real damage is to arrive at a state of mind that accepts the damage that we have done, and they're willing to amend it.

Because step a, is faced with men and roadblock in making amend. And I'm gonna talk about making some amends. I'm talking about making amends to friends, People who we should be friendly with, but we've severed our relations with them because of resentment, pride, imaginary wrong. Some we've treated with unjustly with rough and harsh words and ugly behavior, and with whom indebtedness is not or has not been a factor. In today's modern electronics, you can go to any of the Bureau of Credit and Services.

Give them your Social Security number. They'll have a printout for you how who you owe, how much you owe, what the delinquency is, and how long it is. And if one wants to get it, start paying it off, they'll even where you can go to have it done, they won't charge you anything and get your ducks in order, period. And I couldn't tell you this unless I experienced it in my own life. It may mean that one will have to do without some things they think they really need to do.

But but it doesn't do any good just to foolishly think in one's head that just because we're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and you get one of those letters in the mail saying if you'll put up a $500 deposit, we'll give you a corresponding $500 credit on a credit card. Because it's the same old defects of character overspend, the next letter you get, please cut that card up and send the pieces back to us. You overextended. You haven't paid your bill. There's something about squeezing and paying that bill.

It does something to one's fiscal well-being. Now I wanna talk about making a minute, friends. Before I do that, I always say a little prayer before I go see him face to face as long as I'm not writing. I mean, writing is another story. And it's like, god, give me the strength to do what you gotta do and go in.

I'm a tell you about what I made recently. I went in, and I told him I haven't seen him in a long time. He cared very little for me. He looked at me and he says, you're not drinking alcohol, are you? I says, no.

He said, well, how long have you been sober? I said, ever since I found out how. You see, when I make an amend to a nonmember of AA, I don't tell them I'm in AA. If they're AA, that's another story. They know it.

But I don't and I'm not there to to ride on AA's coattails and to ride on AA's good principles. It's just because I'm in AA. I really honestly mean business. I'm there because David means business. Period.

And then I've had them ask me and this last one asked me. He said, well, religion church? No. He said, hypnosis? I said, no.

You had acupuncture? I said, no. He said, anti abuse? I said, no. He said, AA.

When he said AA then I said, yes. Then he asked me. He says, well, what is Alcoholics Anonymous? And I just simply said that Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other to make solve their common problem and help others recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is desire to stop drinking.

There are no dues or fees for any membership where self supporting your own contributions. It's allied with any sec, not allied with any sect, the nomination, politics, organization, or institution does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither in darkness nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholic to achieve sobriety. You know what he said? The heck he said.

And it's not flipped. You know nothing about a a. Well, that's what a a is. That's why it works. That allows the how to work.

Now you know nothing about A and I owe you everyone, ever gonna be there. I come to you and I put piss on you. Brother or sister, I'm here because I'm now a member of Alcoholics and all. And ever since I've made the decision to give my will, my life, full of care of God, I've come to find out that we're all God's children, and I've gotta be good to you, and I've lied to you, and I've cheated you, and I come here to make amends. And 2 weeks later, you see my picture on the morning edition of the newspaper, me being pulled out of a car drunk and running through a school zone running for old children.

Now what would you think about alcoholic phenomena? What would you think about this god and alcoholic anonymous? You know what you'd always say? Oh, I should call it one of David's another one of David's con game. Because when we go to someone and we mentioned that now we're in AA, and I'm doing this for my sobriety, we cannot guarantee any human being, including our own self, that we'll be sober tomorrow, next week, next month, 6 months from now, a year from now, 5 years from now.

Can't do it. And they don't understand the one day at a time. They don't understand I'm a recovering alcoholic. They think it's recovered. They don't.

And and some instances, our sincere attempts will, be rejected. I had them rejected. I went to first one. I told them I'm sorry. I got away with it.

Second1, I told him I'm sorry. I got away with it. I went to firm and I said, I'm sorry. He said, just a minute. You're darn right.

You're good and sorry. And I got mad. And I ran to my sponsor and I said, I went to him and I told him I was sorry. And he said, you're darn right. You're good and sorry, David.

Now get out. You know what my sponsor said? You are sorry. He said, David, how many times have you gone to people and said you're sorry and you did it again to them over and over and over? I said every time.

But how many have you gone to and tell him, I have been wrong? I said, never. Well, you have to. Just tell him you've been wrong. Well, I went to an old cantankerous bird that was on that list, and I walked in there.

And I just want you to know I've been wrong. And he was so speechless. He had no defense. He's had so many telling me how sorry he was. You know?

Yeah. Amends to families, to the deceased. Yeah. All of those good things. You bet you.

Because, you know, our problem with deceased will not be as difficult, but we make amends to the living relatives. Yeah. Yeah. I won't say about a man made. That gentleman, he was almost like a father to me, and I was ugly to it when drinking.

And I was so embarrassed and ashamed, but I went to he's one of the earlier men. And a few years ago, quite a few years ago, he called me. And he said, are you still interested in Alcoholics Anonymous? And I said, yes. I'm in.

Not only interested. Still sober. He said, we have a problem, but I wanna ask you first. I don't know whether you you people could help us or not. He said, but we I have a we have a granddaughter that's been on alcohol and drugs and everything else.

And she's been in that adolescent units, and she's such a great concern to my wife and myself and our son and our daughter-in-law, their her parents, causing us the trouble. Do you think maybe you can well, we have to find her first. I said, where is she? And he gave me a rough area where she would be. I said, we'll see what you do.

So I called 2 members of Alcoholics Anonymous in that area, the kind that will go out in a blizzard, in a flood, or if it's a 180 in the sun, they know where people are, whether they're in penthouses or in outhouses. Doesn't make a better difference. About 2 hours, they called me back, said they they found that little daughter. And I said, where is she? She's in jail in this town.

What should we do? I could keep her there. I'll call her grandfather. I called her grandfather. I said, grandpa, we found your little daughter.

Where? And I said, she's in jail. What town? I said, why? He said, well, I'm gonna call our son and daughter-in-law and my wife and the 4 of us were gonna charter a jet.

We're gonna go get it. I said, grandpa, how many times have you, gone after it? He said, oh, this should be about the 14th, 15th, 16th. I said, all you doing is killing me. Why don't you let the pros take over?

Then he said, well, how did you find her so fast? We paid 100 of 1,000 of dollars for the finest of private detectives. We had the FBI looking for her. I said, I didn't tell him that AA has a pipeline faster than Western Union. He said, how'd you find her?

I said, well, let me put it this way. Grandpa, if you ever wanna find a lost dog, you send another dog to find it because a dog knows how a dog barks, a dog knows how a dog smells, and a dog a dog knows how a dog lives. That's the it went over his head. I said, now when we hang up in about not more than 45 minutes, there will be some people who'll call you and your wife and your son and your daughter-in-law. They will identify themselves as members of Al Anon.

And they will make some suggestions how you can release with luck. And now let the pros take over. Call them back and get her out of jail. I was doing an all day service meeting in Amarillo a few years ago and about 6 years ago. This beautiful young lady came up to me.

And she says, I know you and you know me, but we've never met. And she told me, sure. I said, what are you doing? She said she's going to this university out there in West Texas. And she says I have a part time job, part, part time self supporting through my own contribution.

And she says the nice thing about it is this, that grandpa and grandma and daddy and mama are not contributing 1 penny to my education. They don't need to. She says, I found the the freedom and that that if I was ever gonna grow up and quit being dependent for people to bail me out, I had to start standing on my own 2 feet and start doing something with my life. And and 2 years ago, she called me. She calls my grandpa.

She said, would you come at San Francisco? I'm graduating law school, and I want you to be here. Now that's not an unusual story. It happens all the time in alcoholics alone. Our kind, we don't need charity.

We need an opportunity. That's all. Just an opportunity. Every one of us is given an opportunity for our lives once again when we come to alcoholic monoxide. You betcha.

And it's a tremendous thing. It certainly is. You make amends, you know, and you hear a lot of things and, you know, all these promises. You know? Well, you know, yeah, we're painstaking about this faith of our development, and it is painful.

Yeah. We're going to be amazed before we're halfway through. We're going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret your past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we'll know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we'll see now see how our experience can benefit us. When did this come about? That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, halfway through the 9th step. That's how it comes about. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.

They're gonna say it's run off and hide. We'll lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellow. Yeah. Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.

Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. People will never leave us. We live in a people centered, orientated society, but the fear of people will leave us. The most beautiful members of AA are those who have been sober many, many, many years, 40, 45 years, retired when when you used to see this was how you can account $295 a month and they stand by a golf court and here's a palm tree. $245 a month in those days.

And you look at them and say, well, all you got is a little Social Security and a little retirement with inflation and everything. How do you do it? They're also the first ones that always have a little gift for their little children at Christmas time, whoever they sponsor. You bet. When you have a eating meeting, they're all they don't bring any Kentucky fried chicken, man.

They make that kind you put in a paper sack and dust it in flour. Yeah. Hard fry. Yeah. Mhmm.

They don't care nothing about cholesterol. Smells too good. Yeah. And have a kind of bean salad and freezer ice cream with peaches. Plum pudding, all them good things, buttermilk biscuit.

And they look at you. How do you live on such a limited income? They look at you and they give you that beautiful smile, and they say, God has brought us this far. How far will He really take us? And that's the answer.

He certainly is. So, you know, we were intuitively knowing how to handle things that used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God has done for us what we could not do for ourselves. That is the measure of our spiritual bid one day at a time. Sometimes it can get so simple.

It scares you. Yeah. It scares you. Step 10, continue to take personal inventory when we were all properly admitted. After we've been sober for a few days, sometimes weeks, ours and alcohol, alcohol is not alcohol is completely out of our system.

I'm one of these. And, hey, I'm not gonna argue with you. 1 100th of a second. How long it takes alcohol to get out of your system when you stop drinking? And, hey, if we're not taking the 1st drink of alcohol one day at a time, you can't get any better than not drinking the barber.

It's likely that a psychic quirk started us on our drinking careers in the first place. We hear it all the time in the personal stories of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous. You hear about the youngster who said I come from a fine Christian home, had a fine Christian upbringing, went to Sunday school, revivals, encampments, and everything. And when I went into the army, I promised the preacher, the preacher's wife, and all the deacons in the churches, my aunts, my uncles, my grandparents, my mother, my father, my cousins, and neighbors, that I never was gonna drink whiskey, smoke cigarettes, and run around with loose girls. And he said I went into the service, and every morning, I'd read my prayer book, my meditation book, and I'd sing a little hymn.

And I'd do the same thing at night before I went to bed while the rest of them are down to slop shoot getting drunk. And they used to call me little Jesus and John the Baptist, and he said, you know, it's lonesome when you're doing the work of the Lord and no one's paying attention to you. And one night, I decided to go down that slot through tip and show him by god what a real Christian was. And I went in there. They have an old saying in there.

Once you let the head of the camel in the tent, the body is soon to follow. And I went in there and I grabbed something, brown bottle of drink, and I spat it out and I said, what's that? It's a beer. Got anything any stronger? Yeah.

I drank this. I drank it, but it went down, and I didn't spit it out. I took another one, trickled down in my chest. Took another one, got in my tummy, run around my navel about 4 or 5 times. Took another one, started going down the right and left leg, head with them toenails on each foot.

Took another one. Started coming back up. God itself took took another one to be sure it come all the way back up. And that's the first time I drank alcohol and the first time I got drunk. And that and I left there and went to my cot, reached under, got my foot locker, took my Bible, hymn book, prayer book, meditation book, and threw it away and hadn't hit church since.

We hear it all the time in the personal stories of the members of Alcoholics and all. We hear about the youngster. He was cross eyed, not me, tongue tied, pigeon toed, had tip bumps all over his face, and he stuttered and he stammered and he was uncomfortable. And he'd go to a high school dance and speak like they're nailed to the gymnasium floor. And a beautiful girl would come by and would like to boogie with it, and a moo, wet his bitches and everything else.

And then one night during intermission, I went out to a bunch of fellas. They were heard in a car and they're drinking something out of a sack. And he said, what are you doing here? Have a drink of this, and I took a drink. And he said I had to hit 2 of them on the head to get the second or third drink.

But let me tell you what happened. I felt my face. The kid bumps were gone. My eyes straightened out. My knees went out.

My toes went out. I quit stammering, stuttering. I ran in there and grabbed that gal, and I boogied like Michael Jackson all night long. That thing that does something for us. The greatest thing when it happens.

Yeah. You bet. And as a result of it, you know, a, as long as we're gonna think straight, we're gonna remain sober. It's it's important that we continue to take 1st mandatory. Perhaps we find ourselves criticizing some other member's method of staying sober, instead congratulate for doing a fine job.

I don't care how anybody stands over. I don't care. If they're an alcoholic and they're not drinking, the greatest thing in the world will have to come. But for us in AA, it is the only way. We have to remember that.

A lot of alcoholics don't want sobriety and alcoholic phenomena. They're not willing to go through this process of squeezing self out of self. Deflation of ego in and out just because it is faithful. They want an easier, softer way. And there's nothing easier, softer than going to make an amends, the kind that you hate more than anything in the world.

That's important. It will contain take personal inventory. Perhaps you may resent something I have said, am saying, or gonna say. Forget it. When they say, they're gonna ask you to talk, and you'll probably offend somebody yourself.

And, hey, hey, if you're gonna develop the capacity to put it out, you got to develop the capacity to take it. Yeah. Perhaps, maybe you don't think the family is congratulating you or if you work in the Boston because you're in a 8 or your grandchildren are not congratulating grandma because she ain't spaced out all the time. She's sober. Forget it.

I don't deserve to be sober. I do not deserve to be alive. I do not deserve to be running loose in this world. If I'd gotten exactly what I deserved, I would have been murdered or electrocuted long ago. I locked up one of them goonie roost, running up and down them cages with my toes and fingers babbling like a baboon the rest of my life.

I've been given an unmerited, undeserved gift. So take time up. Check up. If we're doing the best you can, don't worry about it. You're doing the best you can.

We can get now it's in this step we find that we're not cured of alcoholism. All we have is a daily brief contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition. So as we come through the 9th step, right here and then, that's the true nature of our spiritual being. So now we're gonna have to maintain it. And those defects that we refuse to recognize as moral, those defects that made our lives unimaginable.

Resentment, substance, dishonesty, and fear are still very daily dangerous to our sobriety. That's the reason for our continuing to take personal inventory and went to the wrong time for business. And so now this brings us to step 11, talk through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him. Praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. Well, you say, well, when you get here, what have I got to meditate about?

Well, it'll be answered within a few days and after we've just become associated with alcoholics and all that. For the first time in our life, we're giving of ourselves. For the first time in our life, we're receiving something that's good. You wake in the morning with a clear head and clear eye. I have the greatest spiritual awakening.

Every morning, I wake up sober than any member of alcoholics and honest, any place, anywhere in this world. I had a tremendous one this morning. When I woke up, I was on the pot instead of in it, and that's a tremendous spiritual awakening for a drunk like me. And I can smell them cooking bacon or ham or frying and not get sick. And I looked under my bed the other morning in my bed, my shoes were there.

And I looked up on the wall and the pictures of those children were my grandchildren and somebody not not somebody else's. That's a spiritual awake, a physical one anyway. You betcha. You betcha. And you don't have to worry about your money is in your pants pocket.

It looks like somebody shot you with a buckshot scattered all over everywhere. You don't have to run out to see if you came back on 3 rims and a tie. You don't have to run out to see if anybody's in the back seat. Yeah. If the windshield is still on.

You know? Happiness begins to shine in the faces of our loved ones. And we're beginning to have some sort of desire, some sort of a want to, some sort of an untapped power to help others. Surely, we have much to meditate on. And when we meditate on this new way of living, we cannot realize, yes, there is a God above guiding us through each successive day and night.

And we've become more conscious of this guiding power. We'll soon be able to better understand this guiding power. And before long, we find it easy to pray. But it is you don't let it bother you. I talk to God just like I talk to you.

I clean up the language a lot. I certainly do. And so we give thanks for His help. Now in the 10th step, it's thy will, not mine be done. And the 10th step knocks you out of the way from me so I can turn in the 11th step with a clear channel to this power greater than myself and communicate with it because it is vitally necessary.

I cannot talk with God with honesty. You see, you can't love and hate at the same time. You can't steal and be honest at the same time. And if I have a resentment against you and I'm not willing to put it down and get ready to make it and then turn to the god of my understanding, I'm so thankful for you. You've given me this desire now.