The Northern Plains Group of Alcoholics Anonymous in Fargo, ND

My name is Marcus Montgomery, and I am an alcoholic. Hi, Marcus. And I've been sober by god's grace since July 6, 1998. And I just wanna start off by thanking Dave for asking me to speak and Mike for that nice nice, what do you call that thing? In introduction.

And, and Chad for the cup of coffee that I seem to have left over there, which I wish I was sipping on right now so I could pause for effect. Nice. I dug it. But, anyway, you know, I I kind of grew up in North Dakota and Minnesota and around. My parents moved a lot.

I grew up in a home I thought was pretty normal. I didn't know I was dysfunctional until I went to treatment when I was 10. And, and the counselors would would ask me questions like, really? Yeah. I mean, don't everybody have situations like that?

And and what happened is how I ended up in treatment when I was 10. I was I was a juvenile delinquent, and I didn't listen to anybody much like today. And, and, and my mom was fed up, and she sobered up when I was 9. I made it till I was 10a half, and I and I was in rehab. And, and it scared me.

You know? I'd been in in detention and foster homes and all those things, but a new mom was serious because she would she had my older brother, which had drank once or twice going to going to AA meetings. And he had a choice between AA and church. And, and he chose AA because he figures there's a lot less chance to have seen his buddies there. And, anyway, I I stayed sold for 3 years, and I'm telling you I had no recovery, and and it was the most miserable time of my life.

And I found myself moving from a town, in Montana Kalispell, Montana to, Phoenix, Arizona. And and, I was so anxious and so uptight that I couldn't leave the apartment. And finally, my mom had about enough of that and she said, why don't you you need to be out of here. You know, you need to leave the apartment for a while. We're sick of you being in here, and you're kinda freaking us out.

And, and so I did, and I figured, well, it was after dinner, and I was I was dribbling my basketball down to the basketball court. And I I I got I turned the corner, and I could see the court. And and I've seen there was kids playing out there. And I immediately turned around and dribbled my basketball towards home. And and and I probably would have killed myself shortly thereafter, but this kid yelled out, hey.

Come back here. And I froze. And and he came over and he said, hey. We need another guy so we can have even teams. That way, I can play too.

And, that kid ended up being a good friend of mine. I and I'm I'm gonna talk about some out outside issues because because it's just it's part of my story. It really is. You know? It's just so intertwined.

I drank all the time, and and I love booze more than anything. And, and it just brought me to a a place where I felt comfortable. And and and shortly thereafter, it was a couple days after, my friend's name was Chris. And, he lived with his older brother, and, and his older brother liked to throw parties and they play cards and and whatever. And I I went over there.

I remember thinking, oh, man. I'm not gonna make it through this party, you know. They pretty much had to drag me into the apartment. And then and, I sat down and and I had a couple drinks and and there was a bowl going around and and I found what worked. I I felt comfortable in my own skin, and it was unbelievable.

It was the best feeling I can imagine. You know? Just that comfort. And and alcohol and drugs did that for me for a real long time. A real long time.

And, you know, I there was periods of forced sobriety, but, I mean, my main goal in life was to stay like that. You know? And I had a lot of hopes and dreams and, things I wanna do. You know? I wasn't gonna be a loser all my life.

You know? I wasn't I wasn't gonna, you know, I wasn't gonna, you know, do all those things that my mom and my dad did. And and so, you know, I I you know, one of my my dreams was, you know, I was I wanted to go into the Navy out of high school, and and I wanted to be a seal. And then I wanted to, go into underwater welding. And I actually I I figured it out in the in the numbers, and and I would have retired when I was 39 years old, which is 8 years from now, and and I'm nowhere near that.

So it's mighty disappointing. But, anyway, what happened is, you know, I went I've been in treatment 3 or 4 times. The last time I went to treatment, I I showed up there and I told them, I'm just here so I can eat and sleep for a while so I can keep getting fucked up. And excuse my language. And, and and and they said, really?

And I said, yep. And she said, well, we hope you find something different here, and I didn't. And, but 3 years later, I I I I did find something different. I was I was living in Colorado, and I was living in a singles complex with a me and a me and a buddy. And and, you know, I had a job, and and I suppose on the outside, things looked alright, alright, you know, for me.

But I was dying inside. My friends weren't working for me, you know. I I I would drink and it and it wouldn't make me feel any better. I would I would do drugs and it wouldn't make me feel any better. And and sometimes it would do quite the contrary.

It'd make me feel worse. And, and I was dying. And by this time in my life, everybody in my family was so sick of hearing from me, You know? Because, you know, either I was calling them up drunk, telling them what I really thought, or or I was I was begging money off them so I could so I could keep getting messed up. And, I called my mom up and I said, mom, I'm scared.

And, you know, she said, well, what do you want me to do for you? And I said, I I just you gotta help me one last time. And she said she would. And, I'd like to say I stayed sober from there and my life got better, and it did, you know, it didn't. 3 days later, and I really wanted to quit.

See, I was one of these guys I thought, you know, if I really wanted to quit drinking, I could. But, you know, the problem always was I I really didn't want to. You know, my willpower was, you know, okay, you know, in other aspects of my life. It's just, you know, like, the fear of going to prison made me stop stealing. So, you know, and I haven't stole since, really.

I mean, you know? But the fear of dying was not enough to keep me from drinking. And, anyway, she said, I'll help you one last time. And and, and she it was actually I didn't know it at the time, but she was going out actually went against what her sponsor told her to do. And, and I went there, and I'm telling you, and I was excited.

I was actually excited to be be sober. And she's like, what what's your what's your plan here to stay sober? And I said, well, I ain't going to none of that AA. I'll tell you that. And she goes, well, then you might find some help there.

You know? And I said, no. No. They're more for that that deal is for people that just can't live life on life's terms. And and, and she just kinda rolled her eyes and and didn't say much.

And and, you know, I I I was looking for a job and, you know, she was supplying me with a car. And, I I it was a Saturday, and I just finished mowing the lawn. And, I say, hey, ma. I'm gonna run up to store and grab a pop and a pack of smokes. And so she handed me the keys, and she said, alright.

And, I drove up to the store, and and, my full intention was to to buy a pop and a pack of smokes. In Idaho, they tend they they sell beer and wine in, in convenience stores. And I was in there, and it was and I see I don't even like I never liked Budweiser. I was a Coors Lightman if any of you relate to that. And, but I don't even like Budweiser, but somehow I see this bottle of Budweiser that was just shimmering.

It was a 40, you know, and I like forties. You know, because you down one of those fast enough, you're gonna get effect. And, and I'm an effect person. And, and I've seen that, and I and I swear to you, I had no intention. I was excited the day before.

And up to that moment, I was excited to be sober in this new life and how I was gonna I was gonna do well, and I was gonna make something myself. My mom was gonna be proud of me. My dad was gonna be proud of me, and the people around me were that that said I was such a loser and I was hopeless were gonna eat their words. And, so on the way home, I was guzzling that 40 down. I had to pull over because it started to guzzle a 40 and drive.

And, and I got home. My mom had a keen had a keen nose, and she said, you smell beer? And, you know, I'm a liar. So, no. Why, do you?

She's like, yeah. I said, sometimes there's conditioner I use. You know? Smells like that. And she's like, oh.

And I'm sure she didn't believe me. And, and it just it all started all over again. And, I ended up going and, you know, me and my mom had words, and I she said you can't stay here. And I so I called up my older sister in Boise, and and she she came and got me. And she said, you can stay here for a while.

And, you know, meanwhile you know? And she was she was an alcoholic. She drank. And, you know, so she had a ample supply of booze at her house. And and she told me she's just just save me some was her only request.

And I couldn't even do that. You know? Just it was just impossible. I I mean, I passed I passed out. I drank Evercore and Kool Aid until I passed out in the sun one morning, and, woke up when she got home at work from work at 5 with a pretty good sunburn.

Everybody thought it was funny except for me. And, and, you know, the path of destruction, I I you know, I ended up. We went out one night and got split up, and I took a cab home, and I've I'd spent all my money drinking, which was was pretty common for me. And, she she, she had locked locked the door, and she I didn't see that she was home. So I was like, well, I gotta pay this cab driver.

I left money in the house, so I just I kicked her door in. And, and, I didn't realize. We had to get a tire iron and stuff. It was pretty pitiful. She lived up on a hill and I kicked the door and fall down, roll down the hill, get up, brush myself off, and, you know, the cabby watched me for a while, and then finally, he's like, here.

Here's a tire. You know? Sometimes that works for you. But, anyway, meanwhile, my older brother, Rick, because I am Ricky's little brother, My older brother, Rick, had stayed sober the whole time, and I think about that time he was, he was working for Hershey Chocolate as a sales representative. And and I figured everything he had done in his life was just to make me look worse, you know.

He was, you know, moderately successful in college and high school graduate, and I never I didn't even really make it out of junior high. And and, and, you know, it was it was just you know? And I had some real resentment with them. You know? He had he had went and made a decision to go into foster care back here in Fargo when, when I was about 11 years old, and and I always blamed it on that.

Yeah. If you had to grow up with my mom and Shelly and yeah. You your life would've sucked as bad as mine did too, you know. And, but anyway, he was calling me, and he was saying things like, you gotta come to Fargo. The job market is great here.

And I'd say things like, I don't wanna come back to Fargo. People remember me there. And he goes, who do you think you are? Nobody remembers you. No.

I'm sure people remember me there, Rick. Nobody cares. I'm not coming back. And finally, you know, he he'd blown that down by saying, you know, who who have you ever kept in contact with from here? I guess maybe people don't remember me here.

You know? And and he and then in the next week, he'd call me, and he'd call me every Sunday. The next week, he'd call me, and he'd say, yeah. I talked to my boss, and he's got a really good entry level position for you, and you can start as soon as you get here. And I'd say something like, that's it.

You know, I really I don't have a car. You know, how am I gonna get to work? I mean, that's great to have a job, but you gotta get to the job. He was like, well, let me work on that. And pretty soon, you know, the next week he called me and he said, you know, I found you this car, and it's a great deal.

It's like $200. I already bought it for you. You know? When are you coming? And and about that time, I'd done that whole debacle with my sister, and I needed to get the hell out of there because I I was not a I wasn't too happy about falling asleep when she was still awake.

And, I didn't wanna wake up all beat up 1 morning or something. And and, so I jumped on a grayhound, and he say he gave me some instructions. And he said, get a big book and get on the bus and and read some of that book on the way here. And I didn't I didn't do that. I ate some shrooms and and and tripped most of the way to Fargo because that's how I roll.

I'll tell you I'm gonna do one thing. I'll do the opposite. I'm trying to get better at that, really. It's one of my worst character defects. And, anyway, I've I got to Fargo, and and I started that job.

And and, you know, and he'd he'd call me up. You know? He wouldn't let me live with him and his family, you know, because his wife wouldn't let me live there. He's like, no. I don't want that guy living with us.

So I stayed with a friend of the family, And, he'd call me up and he'd say, hey, Marcus. We're gonna I'm going to a meeting, and I'm gonna come and pick you up. And, you know, then I'd say, what? And, you know, 1st couple months, I I you know, I was like, alright. Let's go.

You know? And, after that, I was like, you know, I was I was discouraged, and I was having a lot of trouble staying sober. And and, you know, so he'd call me up, and he'd say, hey, Marcus. I'm going to the meeting. I'd be like, Rick, I don't you know, I really don't wanna go to the meeting tonight.

And and and it then I'd be like, hello? Hello? And he'd he'd show up, and he'd be like, come on. Let's go. Get in the truck.

You don't understand. I've already been drinking today. Nobody cares, Marcus. Just get it get in and let's go. And, you know, he probably saved my life, you know, really.

But, you know, and he never preached day to me. He never tried to sponsor me. He never tried to tell me how to do this deal. He just brought me to you people. He really did.

And, there's a reason I'll I'll get to it at the end, buddy. There's a reason I'm I'm I'm talking a lot about what what my brother did for me. You know? And he he always he helped me helped me manage my money so I could pay my bills. And, you know, he get he put me on an allowance, and I thought it was very, you know, it was I was you know, he'd taken a lot of my pride away from me.

And, you know, the first thing I got back as soon as I got sober was my opinion like many of you. And, and, but he he he always put up with me. And, anyway, moving on. I was living with some guy, and I'd lived with a lot of guys in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'd I'd get drunk, and they'd be like, well, you gotta leave.

And, you know, I I lived with a a guy, a long time time member of the Thursday night group, and and he told me you gotta leave because you're hopeless. And and I took that to heart, and I thought I I'll show you old man. I can really can quit drinking. So I didn't drink anymore after that. I really didn't.

I I I I I just continued to smoke pot and, and and hide it, you know, because, you know, I'm going to, you know, 3, 4 meetings a week, And and, and I'd smoke pot all day at work. You know? And, finally, I was feeling real guilty about it, and I and I told I told a guy that seemed really cool, and and and he told my roommates, and they were kicking me out too. And I they kicked me out, and they said, you know, you paid up till the end of the month. Why don't you know, if you take this week, you can find another place to stay or whatever, but we just we really, really don't want you here.

And it was getting towards the end of that week, and I don't remember the timeline exactly. But I know I went to a meeting one night, and it was one of those deals where my brother called me up and then and then I told him I didn't wanna go. And he showed up anyway, and he took me to this meeting. And and my mind was racing, and this old guy was talking, and he was and it it was boring, and he talked really slow, and it it was painful to sit out there. I hope it's not painful for any of you or maybe it is because because, at the end of his talk, he looked right and he was looking at me, and that that just ticks me off.

You know? It really does. Like, oh, mister AA trying to make a point to me. And, and, he said, welcome to the only game in town. You gotta give up the win.

And and he sat down, and we all clapped. And and, you know, it's not a meeting unless you go to coffee. And, so we went to coffee, and after coffee, my brother dropped me off. And and as I I I went home doing somebody else's apartment, and it was there there was nobody there, and I was I made my bed on the couch. And as I was making my bed and I was getting ready to to, go to bed, I had this lump form in my throat and I couldn't swallow at this time.

And I was scared. And I didn't know what to do. And what that old guy said kept running through my head. Welcome to only game in town. You gotta give up the win.

And, you know, I look back at those times and I really was searching searching for a a person to fix me, you know. The one thing that somebody could tell me that would change my life, and and I never heard it. And, and I thought, you know, I've been to a lot of meetings, you know, throughout my life, and and I'd always hear about these guys to, you know, you know, the the final straw was surrender to god. And I didn't think there was a god for me. You know, if you lived life like I've lived life up to that point, you'd you wouldn't think there was a god either, you know, for you.

And I got down on my knees and I said a prayer and it went exactly like this. It goes I said, god, give me somebody that can show me how to do this deal and give me somebody cool in this AA to hang out with. And back in those days, there wasn't, you know, there wasn't the amount of young people we have here today. It's awesome. There just wasn't that many people in Fargo, Morehead that were sobering up.

And, and just take away the stupid obsession for a while. Just for a little while. Give me a run and start on this. And, I I went to bed. I slept great.

I woke up the next day. I went to work, and by lunch, none of those things had happened. And, and I said, see, even that won't work for me. I'm hopeless. I'm the hopeless variety that how it works talks about.

And, we fast forward quite a bit. 9 months later, I was riding with one of those guys that had kicked me out. It was a funny deal because we were at a meeting, and my ride had left me, Kane T. He had left me there because he found some new guy who was so excited. He forgot I was even with him probably.

And and, and, I was riding back with this guy named Matt, and he and he and I was I'm a resentful person. I mean, Mike alluded to that in his introduction. And and there was some tension in the car. And I think to break the tension, he said something like, Marcus, if we would've known you were gonna stay sober, we wouldn't have kicked you out. And and in that 9 months, you know, I was 9 months I was sober 9 months.

I hadn't done any drugs. I hadn't done drank. I, you know, smoked I drank about 3 pots of coffee a day and smoked about 3 packs of Marlboro Reds, but I was sober. And, but anyway and and I I thought back to that prayer that I had prayed, and I knew I knew then that that God had done for me what I couldn't do for myself. Now I've, you know, I've been through a lot of different things in in recovery.

You know? And I think all of us have that one point, that one thing, you know, through that. You know you know, if this happens, I won't be able to stay sober. It's just the way it is. And at least I I don't know.

Maybe some of you don't. I'm pretty dramatic inside my own head. And, and that one thing was like, if my mom dies, there's no just no way. Just I won't be able to do it. And, you know, November 8, my mom passed away, and I didn't have to drink.

You know? And I didn't have to use any drugs to make it through that. You know? And I got to go be there for my brothers and my sis my brother and my sister. And, you know, today I get to be a man, you know, and and, you know, I'm not perfect.

I make mistakes, and I do stupid things, and I hurt other people. But I don't do it as regularly as I used to, so I'm I'm progressing. But, you know, Sunday night, I had a phone call, and and, I had just I had just gotten back from vacation. I went on vacation to Colorado to see some family and make some amends. And and that that's the other side of my family, the Montgomery side.

They they they don't believe in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, my dad tried it once. He didn't think it was cool. He's been sober for 9 years. Well, he went through that weed weed thing, but, he's probably 4 years clean and sober.

And my brother, Rusty, drank until he had seizures. And and if he drinks again, he'll die. And he's been sober a year. And and I I made amends to these people for for the wrong side that caused them and their families. And and I made amends to my little brother, and it was really tough to find him sober.

It was really tough. I had to go over to his house. I don't think he was sober, but I did it anyway. And I told him I was sorry for for getting him started into the things that that that I did. And and, anyway, Sunday night, I got a phone call from from his sister, and and she says, well, Lonnie just got out of the hospital.

I said, well, what happened? He go, well, they had called me a week before that, and and he'd quit his job. He got drunk and told his boss off and quit his job. Well, he ran out of money and he tried to quit drinking. Forcibly, like, that's how I quit drinking too because I ran out of money.

And, and, and he started having seizures. And and the the 3rd seizure he had, they decided they'd better take him to the hospital. And, you know, I just I don't know what to do I didn't know what to do in that situation. You know? And and I know when I was getting that bad, my my my older brother stood up and and coerced me into coming to Fargo to meet you people.

And and I found a pretty good life here, you know, and I've I've had some some good things happen to me here. You know? And I I'm sponsored. I mean, actually, it's kind of a funny thing. I gotta talk about my sponsor, Jeff B, a little bit.

It's a funny thing. He was my very first sponsor ever saved my life saved my life. But like I said, I got my opinion back, and and I and I had had written a whole 4 step, and I threw that away and fired him that night and and and and quit the MPG, which was 4 months old at the time, I think. And and, and I walked away. And the only thing I didn't do was drink.

I went to I went to meetings, and I was resentful, and I and I didn't drink because none of you people called me. And I was gonna show you. And and and a year and a half later, you know, always that whole time, always in the back of my head, I was like, wonder what's going on over there. Wonder what them guys are doing. Wonder what they're doing.

And and and I talk about that because I think there's a lot of people that that resent what we have here, you know, and don't and think we're clicky and all that. Whatever, you know. But but the deal is is there's recovery here, and there's people that care here. And every new guy I talk to, I always tell him, make these people your friends. They will save your life.

And, anyway and my sponsor taught me that too. But, and then, you know, I think I've I'd come back to MPG, and I've gotten Jeff as my sponsor again. And, 6 months later, he fired me because I've had an unwarranted relationship. And, you know, he doesn't debate with me anymore, and I'm I'm upset about that. I like those days when we'd sit down and debate.

Like, he'd tell me, you're wrong. And I'd be like, no. But I'm right, and this is why. And I really I miss those times. He doesn't do that anymore.

I do something stupid. He's like, well, you can keep doing that till you experience enough pain to stop. There's no debating that. I guess you're right. But, but, anyway, I've I've had I've had a lot of great sponsors.

Chad b sponsored me longer than anybody. And, and, actually, the thing I always admire about Chad the most is it was never it never changed. The answer to my problem never changed. He never tried to reword it. It was always the same.

Go to meetings, help people, and we're gonna go through the steps. And, you know, I've walked on the 4 step for a long time. And, 4 years sober, me and Chad went for, well, actually, it was it was pretty long and intense, but we went for about 2 8 hour drives. And, and he listened to all the wrongs and, resentments and fears and and and things, and then we did a step 5. And, you know, I'm very grateful for that.

And, you know, this third time I've I've I'm sponsored by Jeff again. I've already alluded to that. And and it's just been it's been a real wild ride. I mean, like, Mike alluded to also, you know, today, I get to be a dad. You know?

My dad was never there for me when I was a kid. I I didn't meet my dad till I was 21. And, today, I get to be a dad to my son. And, you know, I'm not a perfect dad, but, you know, we went I took him on vacation with me, and we went 4 wheeling. And and I'm so proud of him, you know, and and it's I'm such a biased dad.

I'm, like, probably gonna be the school's worst nightmare. Like, maybe maybe you ain't good enough to be teaching my kid, you know. I'm not and and, you know, I just I'm so proud of him. He's such a good good boy. And, you know, today, you know, I get to I get to work for myself, and and that's pretty amazing being that I was totally unemployable when I got here.

My my older brother was a controller of the company I worked for, and he couldn't even save my job. And I was sober. You know, because I I really didn't need money, and my rent was paid, and I had food. I mean, what else is there? You know, the fellowship was more important.

Gotta have fellowship till 4 in the morning. Otherwise, you're not having any fun. And and today, I got a lot of friends here. You know? I spent a lot of time with Jeff s and Chad b and, and just a lot of guys.

You know? And and it's it's good. It's good. You know? Today, I had coffee with Chad, and we were talking about I'm 31 now, and I didn't ever think I'd live this long.

And, then if I would've known, I would've took a lot better care of myself. But, and and we were talking today. You know? It's like I go to a meeting, and I go to coffee. And 11 o'clock comes, and I'm tired.

I really am. I have no interest to go into somebody's house and watching a movie. I just really don't. I mean, sometimes, yeah, I'll do it if I don't have to work the next day, but I have a lot of interest in getting up the next day and going and doing what I told people I was gonna do, you know, to the best of my ability. And and and those are all things I learned here from you people.

And and I just wanna say one last thing. You know? I I sober up the guy named Jim Gee, and he was a happy guy. After he was walking dead for a few months, and then he turned happy on me. I didn't dig it.

Walking walking dead to happy, and he was always, yes, Jeff. I will. And I was always, why do I gotta do that? Why do I gotta do that? You know?

And I was always questioning negative and pissy, I guess, would be the term for my attitude. But I did it anyway. And and me and Jim got the same exact results. He was clicking his heels and being happy, and I was being like, whatever. I guess I'll do it because you've been sober longer than me, and you might have a clue.

But whatever. And and and, you know, it really doesn't matter. You just do what's asked of you, and you'll get good results. You really will. And for that, I'm very grateful.

Thanks.