The first anniversary of the NA Into Action Group, Plymouth, UK

The shares you're about to hear were recorded at the first anniversary of the Plymouth NE Into Action Group. The first speaker is Mark A. And, you know, I'd love to be a part of it whenever possible. Been down from London today with someone in my home group, and, you know, I'd love to be a part of it whenever possible. Been down from London today, with some of my home group, and it's been a good day.

And I can say that honestly since I found this program, I haven't had a bad day. My life has completely turned around since I started taking guidance and putting the you know, work in this program and putting my recovery first. I'll tell you a little bit about myself before I found the program. As far back as my memory serves me, I was too too strong willed. I had too much pride and arrogance for my own good.

You know, it got me in a lot of trouble and, caused a lot of heartache to those that loved me, the people that cared cared about me. And, you know, as the years went on and, I first found drugs, it was inevitable that I was gonna take them. It's just it was in my makeup, you know, doing things that I always wanted to do. That curiosity and the fact that it was illegal made it even more exciting. You know, I was never one for complying, and doing as I was told was something something that just didn't happen with me.

I've always done what I wanted to do. And, you know, that was my downfall. I found out later in life. As, you know, in my 10 years, like early teens, that's when I picked up drugs. And and there was some enjoyment, you know, I had some pleasure, you know, some, some euphoric moments and experimenting with this and that.

And, you know, what was a weekend habit, you know, quickly turned into a full blown obsession, you know, and that was without me making any any, you know, conscious decision or it wasn't a deliberate act on my part, you know, it it just happened. And, and that was to be my life for the next 20 years. Taking drugs, you know, finding ways and means to get them on a daily basis, and the enjoyment went. There was no enjoyment, it was just a downhill path from then on. And I was completely powerless.

I didn't have any choice anymore. You know, that obsession was with me from the moment I woke up and, until I fell asleep and woke up the next day and it was back. And there was nothing I could do about it. And in in those, you know, in that in that time I was, you know, in my early twenties, I didn't really take it that seriously, you know. I hadn't really had any major consequences occur in my life as a result of taking drugs.

And, you know, when I hit 25 or, on my birthday or Christmas, you know, when I hit 25 or, on my birthday or Christmas or come the New Year, I'll stop. I I I thought in my arrogance that I I still had some control over it even though, you know, the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning was drugs. And the the last thing at night was, have I got any for the morning, or what have I got to do tomorrow to get some more? Because I couldn't live. I couldn't live or cope with with life and be around people.

I couldn't go to work, be around my family, and I could just could be around people in any situation without being on drugs. Drugs took away that fear that was with me all the time. It made me feel comfortable in situations that, I just felt uncomfortable all the time. You know, drugs straightened me out, they were my solution. It was the best thing I could come up with, you know, and when I didn't have them, you know, I was a clumsy awkward Frank Spencer type coach, you know, and as soon as I've taken drugs I could cope.

You know, all all that anxiety and, you know, fear, it just left me, you know, and I could talk to people. I felt I felt a part of the situation that I was in. And very often I went overboard, you know, without a game, without meaning to, and, and upsetting a lot of people, you know, by going too far. I didn't know where to draw the line and making a fool of myself and embarrassing my family, you know, at different, you know, weddings, christenings. And, there was no real enjoyment to be at, at, you know.

There was no no no fun at all. You'd like to say I was completely powerless, you know. I I was I was in a firm grip, you know, of of of this this disease of addiction. I didn't know that at the time obviously, but in in eyesight I can see it. I was in this tight grip and, you know, I I just didn't know how to get out of it.

And and over the years, I've tried various, you know, attempts to quit, you know, home details. That was that was never gonna happen, you know, that was a nightmare. That was never gonna happen. And, out of desperation, I went to various institutions with, you know, rehabilitation centers, treatment centers, whatever they thought. I don't know the difference.

All I know is when I come out of my youth, you know, they didn't work for me. You know, an addict to my description, you know, is an addict where I where I start, you know, I can't stop. I can't stop thinking about drugs. As soon as I've got drug in my body, I'm craving. I'm I'm fearful, you know, where's the next one coming from?

What have I got to do tomorrow? You know, and I learned in this program that when I came here out of desperation, the the only thing that's gonna remove that obsession is a power of breaking them myself because that was my problem. I lacked the power. The luxury choice had left me a long long time ago. And Plymouth was home for me for a year and I I came down here to to go to one of the local facilities down here and, and I remember the day I was leaving and, you know, it was my day of release and the counselor saying me going up to the counselor and and begging.

I was begging the fella to let me stay and, because I I I knew that as soon as I go out that door I will use, you know, because that's that's been my experience whenever I whenever I've been left in the home, devices, you know, that's what I do. And again, it's not through choice. I wanna I wanna reiterate that it's not through choice. It's because I'm completely powerless and my life comes unmanageable to the max every time I I put a chemical in my body. And, it just brings misery misery and pain and for me and anyone that, you know, using my path.

And but today it's very different, you know. After going to lots of meetings in this town and not hearing the solution, you know, a lot of people sharing their misery and, you know, people bursting out in tears and chatting about all sorts of problems. And then in addition to that, me asking a fellow to, you know, to to sponsor me. I went up to advisers. I heard that sponsorship was, you know, where it starts.

And I went up to a fellow and asked him to sponsor me and, he said, yeah. Yeah. I'll take you on. And the only thing that we had in common was we come from the same town originally. And, he said, yeah.

Yeah. I'll take you on and all that. And I said, right. Fantastic. I felt a little moment of relief here.

It lasted about 2 seconds. And, I said to him, okay. So so when do I phone you then? He said, Sundays. Give me a ring on Sundays.

So I thought, okay. Sunday came and he's asked me, how are you feeling and all that? And and and I'm pissed really, you know, because I'm not doing nothing. I'm not doing anything. Yeah.

How am I gonna feel any different because nothing's changed? And he said to me and also I said to him, okay, Sandy. And and I said, what about the steps? And, as he's walking away from me and his voice is getting fainter and fainter, He says, hey. There's bags and time for the stick.

I don't worry about that. Well, I'll tell you what, about 10 days later, I I was stuck in my my little room in Austell just down the road there for 2 days in total isolation. I haven't seen a soul. In in total fear and self pity, negotiating my move back to London. And a couple of fellows came around that day and it wasn't, you know, a textbook or a classic classic, 12 step call, but they did talk some sense into me.

And, and told me of a meeting, you know, that where people were getting well, where people were working this program. And, and I went up there and, to proceed and I, you know, and and and sat back and just listened. I didn't open my mouth for the first time in my life. And I just sat there and back and listened and, you know, I I I was inspired by what I heard that night, you know, and I did get hope. I really really did.

And I went up to the fella at the end of the meeting and and asked for his sponsorship. I was attracted to what the fella said, you know, and, he'd give me suggestions to do, you know. Initially he said to me, you know, you've best put your recovery first. Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to recover? You know, this is a serious business.

For the first time in my life, I needed to stop taking taking the mickey, and that one's quick. And, now we and for those practical actions that they gave me at the release day, I've had the, the privilege of working through the 12 steps of this program, and I'll continue to live on the 12 steps of this program, and my life is completely turned around. I owe my life to this fellowship. I no I no longer live my way. I live the NA way.

I take guidance, from my sponsor. My life was totally unmanaged by when I needed a new manager, and he's put me on the right road. I've been able to put the past behind me. I haven't shut the door on it, you know, but I don't live in it. And, you know, with this program, as I say, it never ceases to amaze me.

My life has got better and better and better as each day passes, not each year, you know, each day passes. I find more enjoyment, more freedom, more peace of mind, and it all comes about by thinking about others. Working with other people, you know, not thinking about what I can get, and material things don't come into the equation at all. It doesn't matter whether I've what I've got around me, whether I'm in a, you know, people around me, it doesn't make any difference. It's how I feel inside, And how I feel inside is if by what I do, I've I've I've got a I can make a decision today, how my life's gonna be.

That's an absolute miracle to be able to do that from an addict that was completely useless with no point or no directional meaning to life to be able to say that I've got a choice in my life today. I'm a happy individual. My life is getting better. I like being me. I don't have to pretend to be somebody else or impress anybody, but I will say from that moment of inspiration I had in that, you know, that meeting, by working this program and getting the results, it totally impressed me.

I was impressed by the results because I thought it would be human beings, treatment centers, and all that nonsense that was gonna sort me out. I really did. But this program is so simple. It it it it never ceases to amaze me as I've said. And all I did was what I was told for the first time in my life, you know.

And I'm I'm so grateful for the sponsor that I chose. But I don't think I've chosen the sponsor that I've got because, he's never sold me short. You know, it I didn't always get my own way and that's what I needed. Because if I got my own way all the time nothing would have changed, and I'll leave it there. Thanks very much.

Thanks very much, Mark. Thank you. It's Mark. Hi, George. It's Jackie now.

My name's Jackie. I'm perfect. Hi, George. How are you doing? Yeah.

It's it's a real pleasure to to be to be sat here, to be sharing on on the year birthday of this meeting of this group. And it is. It's a miracle. It's here that I found recovery. I found a solution.

You know, I didn't walk in. I've I've found n a 5 years ago and I and I didn't come to these meetings as it says in the literature. Brimming with love, with, with any honesty or open mindedness or or much willingness really. You know, I I I was very angry. I was full of hate and, I wasn't that honest.

I was quite dishonest and I wasn't that open minded. I was a bit willing, you know. But, when I came to these meetings, I I'd look around. I looked around and I wasn't impressed. I was angry and I didn't wanna be like everybody in it.

I didn't like wanna be like any of you lot or or what was what I am. And, and I didn't, you know, I didn't didn't want to be an addict. I didn't wanna accept. I didn't have have come to terms with, step 1. But as it says, you know, in the other literature, I've got, I'm irritable, I'm restless and discontent.

I was like this I was like this before I picked up drugs. And, my drug use, I, you know, I this is an illness of 3 conditions and and, and it's physical as Mark's described really well, you know. As soon as I picked up, I'd have this sort of, compulsion to use. The mental part of it, I couldn't stop. I had a, you know, I had this compulsion or possession to use and I had no no spiritual way, no spiritual defense.

And I didn't wanna accept that I had, an incurable disease at all. I just wanted to come here and, and not use drugs and that was it. And it was it was, it it took me 5 years really of of hanging about in meetings, not sort of understanding, not picking up the solution, not getting a message. And I struggled with it for a long time. I I struggled with step 1.

As it also says in the in the literature, you know, I had to in step 1, I had to learn and live this program. I can't just say the words and and I feel, which is why it's really important, which is why this group is important for me. This is a strong meeting, a traditional meeting. And, and really, that's where I was impressed. That's where, you know, when I first came to this meeting, I I not only heard the solution, I saw people live it.

And then, that gave me a lot more hope and and an openness to sort of maybe perhaps this could work for me and I became a lot more willing. And that's what that's what impressed me and that this is where my recovery began almost a year ago. And and I take it really seriously, you know. It's sort of 5 years 5 years I was messing about trying. I think I had good intentions, you know.

Part of 2 parts of step 1, you know. Part of me hadn't quite understood. You know, I knew I'd sort of drugs have become a problem, but, you know, I didn't really sort of want to accept that my life had become unmanageable. But, you know, when when I when I knew when I got to that desperate place and knew things had to change, I knew this problem was within me and that, you know, I had to have a a a change in thought and and attitude. I I hang around meetings and and didn't know.

Couldn't see nothing. Didn't know quite how to do this. And it was only until I came to my home group, this meeting that that I could actually see that and see that and hear that people were were not only passing out passing on a very, traditional 12 step, solution, but they were they were living it. And, and I felt safe. I could walk in that meeting and and I felt extremely safe and felt that, this may work for me.

And it was really easy. Once I I had those feelings, all I had to do, from that moment was I I got a sponsor and I was guided through the 12 steps. I was given a simple set of, instructions that I had to do. And I was willing to do this. And, And from that moment, my life changed really quickly, you know.

From the moment that I managed to sort of, become willing and open to the 12 steps through through, through traditional good guidance, good sponsorship, my life just turned around and it's it's been amazing. And I've not had a bad day neither. You know, some days some days aren't as good as others but every day just gets better. And I live this program today. You know, and it gets easier.

I I I have I wake up and I know and I still do the suggestions, I hand my will and my life over to god. I I ring newcomers up and I write a gratitude list. You know, as it says, it's an incurable, fatal, progressive illness and that's what I have. Today, I have a simple solution. A 12 step program to live.

I have a daily reprieve. But this is really serious stuff and and I and I've I've I've I've I've think I've found Goldrush, you know. I'm just grateful that I'm in this meeting today because, and in my home group today, a good strong meeting because for me, that's where recovery started. And and I understand I have an understanding of of my addiction today and I know it's it's serious stuff. And I treat my recovery, very seriously.

I I enjoy my life today and have a lot of fun, but my recovery and the 12 step program comes first. I owe my life to it. You know, I have a fantastic life today. I'm I'm what I've got today is all through work in the 12 steps. I've learned to, I've learned to be honest with not only other people around me, but with myself.

I've learned how to have friendships. You know, I I never I didn't know how to treat people. I mean, I didn't know how to treat myself, but I couldn't I didn't know how to relate with people before. I can look at people in the eye today and talk to people and feel I'm I'm that I'm on the same level as people. I feel like that I've got a lot to offer.

I've got a lot to offer myself and others, which is essential for someone of my condition because at the core of my disease is my self centeredness. When it says in the NA text again, you know, that was the spiritual malady. It's my self centeredness, and and I know that. I can feel I've I've, you know, through my experiences, I've I've got a true understanding of of the seriousness of my condition. But it's it's just thank you.

It's just amazing that I have this solution. And and today I do you know, I I belong here and it feels good. I don't battle with coming here. I don't think, oh, no. I've gotta do a meeting.

Oh, no. I've I really enjoy it. I I I welcome it and, and it's here for anyone and everyone. It's so simple. I if I could do it, anyone can do it and, and it's free and and the, you know, I've I've searched for years for different different circumstances, different drugs for to find a peace of mind.

That peace of mind is is recovery and I found it. And, and, yeah. It's it's wonderful. Thank you. I'll leave it there.

Thanks, Joe. How's your husband, Simon? Thanks, Mark. I'm Simon. I'm an addict.

Simon. Firstly, thanks very much for asking me to share. I'd consider it an honor to be part of this particular community and, congratulations on this club on birthday. It's really something special. I'm a free man.

I'll say it today. I am no longer bound by the shackles in my thinking. No no longer. It's funny, I was driving down here tonight in my car, and, every time I go under a bridge, and sometimes I get a fleeting glimpse. I remember when I used to be, before I did what I'm doing now, even when I was clean.

I never thought I was mad, and yet I'd have thoughts about driving my car into one of the bridges on the street as I was along the motorway. Now if that wasn't madness, I didn't know what was. But that was my thing. I didn't know I was mad. I wouldn't accept that I was an addict.

I wouldn't, even with all the using that I've done. My using was much the same as anybody else's. I won't say it brought me to my knees. It made my life very unmanageable and uncomfortable, and I was crazy because of it, and, there were lots of consequences because of it, but it wasn't that that brought me to my knees. It wasn't that.

I went into a treatment center, I got clean because it was what other people thought I should do. And I always thought I was very good at, Well, I always Like somebody, next to me said the other night, I always did what I did, but I always tried doing what I wanted to do, but by making you think that I was doing what you wanted me to do as well. So I went into a treatment center and got clean. Came out of a treatment center, moved to a place, and then went to NA meetings. And automatically with that actually being different in tolerance straight away, I didn't hear no message.

I didn't want to hear one. You know, I mean, I just wanted to be clean and I want to have all the benefits that came with that. If you had a nice new bed trainers, you had a nice car, you had a gorgeous looking missus, then you were a friend to me. In our reading, it says it don't matter what you have, your connections were. Now to me, it did.

Because it was all about surface and shadow for me. It was all about that and I didn't yet understand the seriousness of my condition. I didn't and I carried on doing that. Still wasting around, went to meetings just to brag about how good my day was, how crap my day was, how much you were to blame for that, and all the rest of it, what my latest obsession was. And at 2 years I realized what being an addict meant.

At 2 years of being absent in that program in my life, I realized what being an addict meant. Those moments of doom that I had when I was using were on me every day. Just over 24 months clean. I woke up every day with my head in my hands wondering what I was doing wrong. I had a nice career ahead of me, I was at college, I had a nice car, I had a nice relationship, I had a flat fella nose things, and yet I couldn't work out what I was doing wrong.

Just didn't know what was wrong with me. I was lost, you know. I still thought I was different. I still had that attitude of indifference and intolerance and especially to people in this members of this own group, I really did. You guys had something that I didn't want.

You guys, meant that I wouldn't be able to have fun, and I didn't want that. And I was born idle is is what I was. I didn't I wanted all the benefits of what being clean meant, but I didn't want any of the leg to have to put any of the leg work in. My experience of sponsorship was exactly the same. I had a sponsor I picked him because he was 10 years clean.

Yeah. Had the most amount of cleans on the area where I lived, and I wanted everybody to know I had the cleanest sponsor that was around. And I was given a buck until they go away and get on there. Spoke to him once every 2 weeks and every time I spoke to him, how are you? Saki seems my my eating bits.

You know, I mean, this is up and she done this, she done that, she done this, she done that. I was angry at the world and everybody in it. But when that moment came up on me, when nothing that I did made me feel any better, not even for the slightest minute. I knew I had to do something. I wanted to die, and I wanted to use.

And I knew I didn't wanna do both because of the consequences, because of what would happen to them. So I knew I had to get sponsorship. I thought I would try this anything. Okay. So I came to a meeting in Plymouth.

It wasn't this one, but by some act of God. The guy that I did ask to sponsor me gave me the same set of instructions that I'll follow today. And, that night, my life changed. My thinking changed that night. That the moment the guy said, okay, I'll sponsor you.

This is what I want you to do. I felt as if I felt hope for the first time. Proper hope. For the first time in my life, I felt like I can do this. There is a light at the end of that tunnel.

And I started getting results very quickly. Very quickly. I'm an addict and I need to see results. I've been around for 2 years without any sort of program. Yeah.

I mean, now this thing's gonna work, it best not working now because I'm in pain. And if it don't, I ain't gonna wanna know. I'm gonna go gonna go back out there and use. So I need to have this work for me, and it did, you know. And it changed, you know.

I was amazed with the results. In fact, so amazed with the results that I tried to go back to my own group and drag everybody down here to grab a piece of it, and I was later told off by my sponsor for doing that. But the change in thought that I had by doing the suggestions that was given to me that come out of the basic text, you know, I mean, like Jackie said, this is a traditional meeting because it sticks to traditions, you know. And and that's the difference, you know. I stick to what's in the literature today.

I do what my sponsor tells me. And by the grace of God, the same people I've tried to go back and drag down here now follow the same path that I follow, and it's that I'm grateful for. And it's, 95 percent of my own group members are in this room tonight, and it's that that I'm grateful for. That is the results that speak. It's the results that are shown.

You know, it's it's that that attract. It wasn't no. I actually online. It wasn't that attracted me to the guy asking to be my sponsor. I could have asked Joe blogs on the street.

I just wanted an end to the pain that I was in, you know. But it's that that I believe that why people get on board this thing because they can see the results. I didn't have any results doing what I was doing before, and the only way I got results in this program is by putting it into action, is by sponsorship steps and service. That's that's what I did. And it's amazing from going the per from the person that I was, used for 15 years, didn't use for 2, still didn't think that I needed the program, still thought it was all about what I had, how much I had, who I was with, who I was hanging around with, how much money I had, you know, and how much kudos I had.

Our book calls it, terminal cool and fatal hit, no, terminal hit and fatal cool. Our our book calls it. And that's what I had. I needed to get through that. You know, I needed to smash that intolerance and indifference.

I know that the people that were in this meeting were not willing than me. I was afraid. That's what I was. And more to the point, I was jealous because they have something I didn't want, you know. And it was then when I had that willingness that I needed to put in that action for me to get it.

And life's fantastic. Bad days, I laugh in the face at bad days. You know, I I don't have a bad day. I may have days with things I'm going my way, but that's life. It's gonna happen, but the first thought in my head isn't that right I'm gonna use it because I can't do that.

It isn't, and that's the miracle. That's the change in thought and action that I've got, that this program has given me. You know. I think, okay, bad day, big deal, you know. Crack on with what I do.

I do I write more gratitude list. I'll pull up another newcomer, and and that's it, and it's amazing. It's in this room. If you really want to know freedom like I have experienced, then get a sponsorship, work your steps, and do service. For an addict of my description, it was the only thing and it is the only thing that keeps me free from the insane thinking that makes me wanna drive a 90 mile an hour into bridges on motorways, you know.

I I haven't got much more to say with you. That's everything's been said tonight and it's just sponsorship steps and service. I'm a free man. I no longer want to use and I no longer want to hurt people. I just wanna help people.

Thank you. I shine it. Hi, George. It's Julian there. I'm Julian.

I'm an addict. Welcome. You know, if your problems have become astonishingly difficult to solve, I identify that that that that was my experience, you know. If you cut if you find it difficult to, to picture a future either with or without drugs, I identify, you know, that that was my experience, you know, that was how I felt when I got here. You know, I I was, bereft and I was desperate and, I was, I don't know.

Was I looking for a solution? I I I was looking for, I think, an end to my misery. But for a long time I've come to understand that, I hadn't been using drugs because I got anything out of them. I've been using drugs because they were the, they were the best answer to life that I that I'd ever found on my own. They were the the only thing, the only answer to the to the condition that I walked around with.

The, profound self centeredness that I suffered from. The fact that I could never step out of my, out of my own fear and worries, you know. I was always encircled by my own fears and worries and, as I went through life drugs were the only way I had of facing it. So I continued to use them. No.

Of course they didn't work brilliantly at the end but it really was the end. You know, I was a person that needed to use. So to to suggest to me that I needed to put them down was, like keeping a clutch away. Of course, you know, I wasn't gonna do it, not without a solution. I wasn't going to do it.

I was always I I was capable. I don't know if anyone else had enterprise with this, but I've always been capable of stepping away from drugs for a time. I had a history of moving to the edge of a precipice looking over thinking, oh, dear god. I'm running back again. That's not recovery for me.

That's my using history. I I I have a history of looking over the edge, running for cover, and then just running back to the edge again as soon as I feel better. You know, that's not recovery and quite often that's what I hear masquerading as recovery. It isn't. It's part of my using history.

It says in the green and gold in the NA text that many of us recall, our moment of clarity. Many of us recall that moment when we found ourselves looking clearly in the face of our disease. We finally saw ourselves and what we had become and this is what happened to me. You see it happened to me and I think this is so important it happened to me before I ever met a sponsor, you know, before I ever, came back to the rooms. I had some experience of meetings but I came back to the rooms and found a sponsor.

But before I did that something happened you see. And in the book it's clearly described as step 1. I understood what I had become. I understood, where my misery was rooted. I saw it clearly for myself.

You see, I know that given a 1000000 years, my sponsor could never have convinced me of what I had become because I would rigorously defend myself. I was geared up. I'd spent years lying about myself because I was ashamed of my behavior essentially, and I I I built up a system of lies to protect myself from the truth. And I was no, I I really wasn't on not in acquaintance with the truth when I got here. To tell me the truth was to invite an argument.

It was to invite an argument. It's simply there was no point. You'd be wasting your time and I would advise you still today, you know, if I begin to do it to you, move on to someone who's ready. Move on to someone who's ready to listen to something different. Okay?

You know, because I you can't convince an addict of anything. It wasn't possible to convince me of anything. I had this moment of clarity, this step one moment, and of course that is described in the step one section of green and gold. It works how and why. I had this moment of clarity.

I understood how I'd ruined my own life. I understood that I had the lion's share of the, the responsibility for my own misery, it came to me. You see in a moment of clarity, whilst I was still using. And I came back with this in my pocket. You see, I came back into the room and that's why I believe today I've been successful.

Because with me, I brought the essential tool for sponsorship. I brought an understanding that I needed to change. And every time you see from that point on, my sponsor said to me things that I wasn't really keen to hear, of course of course I listened. Of course I listened because I wanted to change. I wanted to change.

And, you know, and to be honest I hear this stuff about tough sponsors, hard sponsors, you know. It wasn't my experience, you know. If my sponsor has had to be tough with me, I'd be dead. My son didn't have to be tough with me. All he had to do is let me know what to do and I was ready to do it.

We cannot find people in this in this fellowship. It tells me, the AA literature actually tells me that I have to give up pricing anything and everybody. Okay? And that includes, in their case alcohol, in my case drugs and alcohol. You know, I have to give up fighting.

I don't stay clean, by resisting the temptation to to to use drugs and I don't recover by reluctantly following my sponsor suggestions. I recovered by embracing my sponsor suggestions because I knew you see wherever he took me wherever he took me it had to be better than where I want. If that's not the case for you then, you know, really I don't bless you, but I'm not sure that you need to be here. You know, if you've got anything to lose by listening to experience, I'm not sure you need to be here. I'm not.

If you've, you know, if getting to the meeting on time to do a commitment here is taking you away from something more important, then for God's sake, don't come. Go and deal with what's more important. Please, I beg you because you're spoiled amazing for me. Your presence was spoiled amazing for me. We recover here, in unity because, those who stay know they need to be here.

You know, the minute I fall into convincing somebody I'm with that they need to be here on time is the minute I feel like suggesting, you probably don't. You probably don't because the truth is in my experience, oh, it's a big meeting you see. And statistically, I know this is people hate this, but statistically you see a good 3rd of us are not going to make it. And all of that 3rd, it'll be some of them some some of the people are gonna sound really hot tonight. A good third is not going to make it.

If that isn't the case, then the statistics are wrong. So, you know, the odds are against me. I have to understand this. The odds are against me before I start. Statistically, most don't make it.

So I had to be determined to be one. So it's it's simple that we insist. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. And I embrace the things that I was asked to do and I insisted on enjoying life. And when the self pity starts to creep in, as I was warned that it would, I kicked it out.

I kicked it out because the literature also talks about the proper use of the will. All my life I've been driven by self will towards destructive ends. I was instructed by experience that I could use that same will to move myself towards positive ends, to move myself towards following the suggestions. And I go to other meetings. I go to other meetings and I'm constantly hearing people talking about difficulties that they are having that I was warned about 10 years ago.

And I think what a shame for you. What a shame for you because my sponsor warned me about that 10 years ago and he also warned me how to avoid it. You see, what a shame. What a waste of time. What a waste of time coming here and whinging about the avoidable.

Whingeing on. Wasting your time. Wasting my time. Whinging about what is evident eminently avoidable if only I will listen to experience. And it's only for this reason, you haven't had to sit and listen to me say, oh dear.

I've done it again. I've put my relationship before my home group. I've done it again. 10 years ago, I was I I was warned what would happen to me if I was to do such a thing, you see. And so you don't have to listen to me moan about the consequences of the avoidable.

I simply work my program and my life continues to get better, you know. I had a choice you see because I've been around before. I knew I had a choice. I could be become part of what I've always felt like the NA goes. Those people who wander in and out of meetings which was my experience, wandering in and out of meetings, year in year out without change, without, noticeable gratitude, without any, there's the there's the police queen, a visible means of support.

Maybe hoping against hope, wishing against wish that things will someday get better. You know, I could be one of those people and God bless me if I make that choice. No one has the right to judge me. It's my choice. But please please, if that's your choice, stay away from the newcomer.

Stay away from the newcomer. Let them at at least have the opportunity to go for gold. Let them at least have the opportunity to hear the message without criticism. Let them at least have a chance to get recovery. I know from my own experience that when I decided to get sponsored, I decided to follow suggestions.

I was sincerely discouraged. I was sincerely discouraged by many people in the rooms. It was suggested that I would be controlled. It was suggested that I could find recovery as, Marcus said by waiting. By waiting and seeing, by relaxing, by chilling, I think is the by chilling.

As my sister says, if you hear that if you're new and you hear that, I will translate for you. What it means is I don't have time for you. I don't have time to waste on you today. Okay? That's what it really means.

If somebody is telling you to take your time, don't need to do this, what they're telling you is I don't have time for you. What I can say today would appear. Conscience is, of course, I have time for you. Not because I'm a good person. Not not because I'm a good person.

I'm just an average Joe. But of course I have time for you because I know that working with you vastly improves the quality of my life. Vastly improves the quality of my life. Thank you, Mark. My life is one that I wouldn't swap with anyone today.

I'm living my dreams. I have the things in my life that I've always dreamt about but I but it's so important for me to say this. I've only got them as a result of putting others before myself. My sponsor told me at the very beginning that this resolution was rooted in one concept. One concept, constant thought of others.

And I've said before, honestly, just that that phrase, just saying that phrase makes me tired. Constant thought, you know, constant thought of me. Yes. Constant thought of me to the point of neurosis and distraction and misery. Yeah.

But constant thought about this seemed like an uphill plan. It seemed like a great struggle. But he showed me how to do it, you see. By example, by giving me an example that I could easily follow, he showed me how I could put constant thought of others at the center of my life, and it's easy. I'll tell you.

I'll tell you in a few minutes in the time that Mark lets me have. It's like this. You do this. You get to the meeting early. You see, this is what I did.