Steps 10, 11 and 12 at the Road to Recovery convention in Reykjavik, Iceland

Hi, everybody. My name is Debbie Davis, and I am an alcoholisty. I know my Icelandic needs work. So we've, heard 2 people share about their experiences, the way they do things, the way things work for them on our first nine steps. I've been asked to talk about 10, 11, and 12 today.

And I have I don't know about you, but I have just absolutely enjoyed hearing both Hector and Steve. And I've learned so much about that. And when I hear people, I love hearing about steps and and their experience because I I learn so much about, oh, I like that or I never thought of it like that. And it it helps me to keep open minded. I've I've been sober 28 plus years, and I have, listened to lots and lots of people over the years, years.

And gently, gradually, you you just sort of seem to find what works for you. I've heard both of them talk about they tried this for a while and then they tried that for a while and they worked with others like this for a while. So there just, for me, hasn't been a hard fast all the time. This is the only way to do it. And if I think that way, I I think I miss out.

So I too have, you know, had my undulations and soft changes and and things that I find effective and don't seem to work very as well anymore as something else. And so I personally have taken the steps, I would say, officially, 2a half times. Now I say 2a half because the first time I went through the steps was in a treatment center. It was through step 5. It was in within 7 weeks because, that's what you needed to take is tail your 5th step inventory, in order to get out.

And when I left there and went to that halfway house, I never saw 6 through 12. I know they were on the walls. I know they were in the book. This was not a new printing. But I wasn't interested in being sober, so there'd be no reason to do or look at 6 through 12.

But it did take away a bit of the fear on that 4 step inventory that was referred to and because I'd already done that now. I didn't do it by the book. I did it more autobiographical, but it was definitely a a place for me to start. And, so I got a little teeny familiarity. But when I, got sober this last time, I began to to look at the steps a lot differently.

Now I sort of gently continued to glide through them, but when at 6 years 9 months of sobriety when my life came crashing down again, I took these steps in earnest again with the sponsor I had at that time. And then, some have the saying there's some bit of thought that you take 1 through 9 once and you live on 10, 11, and 12. I'm not here to have an opinion about that. Every time I take somebody through the steps and walk through them, it's like I re I am reliving that. I am sharing my experiences with it.

It comes alive again to me. I can, learn more about it when I'm sharing with them and hearing them share their experience on it with me and as we walk through that. But this 3rd time or the second official time I took them was after, as I talked about last night, I had that period of time at 26 plus years physical craving to be drunk. Not the mental obsession about it, but the physical craving. And I just felt that once that had passed, I really was at a point where one more time I wanted to retake these steps.

And I did. And I took another inventory, and I really related to what Steve said about, about, recent ones for him have been there's 22, 2 items on the list, God and me. And I I definitely was on that last last list. And I had the most resentments against myself. And the biggest one was about, if you summarized it all, it would be about being and how very difficult it is for me just to be human.

I don't mind if y'all make mistakes, but it's very difficult for me to allow me to make mistakes. And, so I'd be I I'm here not to review everybody's first nine steps here, but to get to 10 and but I just wanted to tell you about my times when I took them for myself, for my own personal progress, my my own spiritual path. And and when To me, the 10th step is Okay. 10 and 11 in our big book can be a little bit differently interpreted in our 12 and 12. In step 10, in our book, which is really more what I'll be referring to on my experience, is that it says with step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal or inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.

And in the 12 and 12, it's very much referring to, you know, a nightly inventory and so forth. Well, but for myself, that is in step 11, the paragraph Okay? I'm not here to tell you what what number to call it. I'm just here to tell you this is what I do. You can call it step 84.

I don't care. It's fine. But what this does for myself is it keeps me in tune. On the phone with someone, or, being in his per you know, a social outside situation, where I've been a little curt, little short, little snippy, little critical, little sarcastic. And I'll tell you what, I immediately get a red flag.

This is not the way that I wanna behave with my fellows. And what step 10 does is I have I can immediately take that inventory amends for that behavior. Now, they may not have even been aware, but you know attitude. But I snippy with them. Gave it with a little bit of an attitude, but I didn't feel right about that.

That was not any kind of a kind and loving act act for myself that I wanna do. And I'm not comfortable with that. Because what happens if I start defending the way I did it. Oh, they didn't they didn't even notice anyway. That just grows.

That just grows within me. And what this is telling me is that I need to take care of that stuff on a prompt basis. Prompt hasn't always been within 5 or 10 minutes. Prompt has variety of definitions for me. In the early days, prompt was soon as I'm up to it.

You know? And that usually wasn't right away was when I was just so so sick with that that I needed to take care of that in order to start breathing again and take it being able to stand tall again. So promptly is a relative word, but I know the sooner I take care of it, the more comfortable I can begin to continue on the path again. That I do know. In step 10, unpaid Oh.

I know you all have different pages like Steve said. But in that, it does say something very says that I am not cured of alcoholism. That what I really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of spiritual condition. Now I'm reading this in first person. That every day is a day when I must carry the vision of God's will into all my activities.

When I went through that period of time, of that 6 month, I mean, talk about being very acutely aware that I am not cured of alcoholism. Not that I ever thought I was. I don't behave in a manner of, well, I used to pray. I used to ask God to help me stay sober. I don't operate in that manner.

It's on a daily basis that I ask him to help me stay sober because I do believe that I have a daily reprieve. And I was referred to looking up words in the dictionary. And years ago, in a book study I was in, one of the guys was talking about how he had looked up the word reprieve, and we pretty much all know what that word means. But when he looked it up and he read the definition, he said reprieve means a delay of the death sentence. Now when I put it in that kind of a context, that is what I have.

A death sentence for me would not necessarily be I drink and die tomorrow. No. I don't know what it would be. I just know it wouldn't be pretty. I just didn't know know I do know that it would not be anything fun.

Because I've watched the people as many of us have choose to abandon the path and go their own way. I know that part of my daily maintenance is prayer, is asking God. Meditation for me isn't any well, that's in the next step, but it's it's more part of a of a doing in a way, if you will, for myself. Part of that is I I answer my, phone calls without screening my calls. That's part of my daily maintenance.

This is often my opportunity to be of services through phone calls. And if I'm screen no. I don't wanna talk to them, you know, then I start making determinations of who I'm going to be of service to, who I'm going to return calls to. And once again, I don't stay in that spiritual condition. And so this is part of the things that I do of that daily maintenance.

I don't take that first drink or anything else that affects me from the neck up. I try to be of service wherever I'm asked, and even in places where I can see I can be of help. These are few of the things that I do because I was so afraid that I, you know, what what am I doing wrong that I'm having these thoughts about alcohol? The the the craving. You know, do I not have a spiritual condition?

And I I'm not when I say this, I'm not trying to imply that I'm I'm perfect or, you know, god and I are just, you know, we just had, you know, lunch. I'm just saying that I feel that power because I've asked for the help. I ask for it on a daily basis, and I know that if I had not had some kind of connection, that wind of a pull, and you would have had a different speaker here today. And so 10 for me is to be prompt, be current as to the best of my ability. Now sometimes that stuff gets away from me, and I can sort of mask it and justify it and move on.

And so that's where 11 helps me. Justify it and move on. And so that's where 11 helps me. 11 launches me into a way of life on a daily basis. At the end of this step 11 in the 12 and 12 excuse me, in the big book, it says it works.

It really does. And we let god we are on we are on discipline, so we let god discipline us in the simple way we've just outlined. Now that can be taken 2 ways. It can be taken in the ways of page 86 through 88 where I retire at night upon awakening and what I do do it works. It really does.

And in step 11, in each of the cases, I'm going to that source. I am petitioning to my God, petitioning to this power greater than myself in 3 ways. It tells me how to wake up. And, it says, on awakening, we begin to think about the 24 hours ahead. Over and over in this part, day, 24 hours.

It just keeps us within today. And I'm so glad this is the only day that I need to be current with. I I don't have to do all the catch up of years before and I don't have to make, you know, all the preparations of the years ahead. This is the day that my actions and my mental and emotional things should be in. This is the day.

And it tells me how to go on about the day and how to rearrange my thinking. And when I get up in the morning, and that's what I do, I get on my knees. I choose to do it on my knees because I need to be reminded there's a power greater than me, that there is a God and it's not me. I, like to do that as a physical way of my attention. Instead of just laying in bed for me, I I need that physical, connection that way as well.

And I just have a chat with God first and I I thank him for another sober day and another day that I can be of service. Please show me what you want me to do. Don't forget who you're dealing with here. You need to make those things really clear. I, you know, I I'll you give me a scenario, an event, and I've got several ideas about it, you know, and which way I should go.

So I I really need you to be clear. Don't leave the guesswork to me. Make it really clear. I, like to say the and and do say the 3rd step prayer and the 7th step prayer which basically backs up what I've just kind of given up to him. Relieve me of any obsessions of of thought or emotion.

Things like resentments or fears or or, anything like that. And these are the kind that's how I start my day. And I do talk and chat with God throughout the day. Now, we sought through prayer and meditation. To me, step 11 is a prayer really all in itself.

I if I say it in a prayer, it's I would see see I seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with you, God. I pray only for knowledge of your will for me and the power to carry that out. I know where that source of power comes from. I've been taking these steps as I go and I've been developing this relationship. This I know where my power comes from.

The things that happened in my life, there's been so many phenomenal incidences, coincidences, miracles, whatever you choose to call them. But I know that no human power could have made that arrangement. And yet it is just full of the spirit. I talk to God throughout the day. We chat.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes if I get a good parking place, I'll say, hey. Thanks. But that doesn't mean that if I don't get a good parking place, you know, hey. Aren't you looking out for me?

No. But I always thank him and I always think about how many times have I thanked God today. And again, it's not limited or I say the parking place just is a sense of humor. But I thank him for my spirit. I thank him for the peace that I can go to bed with at night.

I thank him for the tools that have been given to me through this program so I don't I can live with the things that I do today. I can go to bed at night almost every night and not owe anybody any amends. That's a winner of the day for me as far as I'm concerned. And it tells me what to do as I when agitated or doubtful as I go through the day, ice I pause and I ask for the right thought or action. Pause is a huge, huge thing I did not know to do.

I remember the first time I was in a very, agitated state to be meeting with someone, and I knew there'd be questions and things posed that I'd have to decide upon. And and my experience had always been I would make a decision right there. A yes or a no. And she said, well, you know what? You can say, you know what?

I've got the information. Let me think about it. I didn't know you could do that. I always thought you had to make that decision right then and there. There may be some times when I have to do it.

I mean, if I'm coming up to a red light, I'm not gonna generally well, should I let me think about whether or not I should stop the car. No. I'm not I'm obviously going I'm trained to stop stop the car in a red light for safety purposes, etcetera. And but decisions that are not life and death or red button style, let let let me think about that. And it is so amazing what 48 hours can do for me.

I'm not basing on the emotion of the moment because more than likely in an hour, it will be different. More than likely, by getting having some peace about it, some time, I'm able to see things a little bit more clearer. And I don't feel pressured by the moment. And I feel a lot more qualified and ready to make whatever the decision is. And I won't have defend it or regret it.

And I like that part. I pause and I ask for the right thought or action. And if if we do that each day and it says and and we constantly say almost like for me as a mantra, thy will be done, not mine. It says that I'm in much less danger. So again, it reminds me these things are dangerous for me.

Excitement, fear, anger, worry, self pity, and foolish decisions. It says I become much more efficient because I don't tire myself out trying to arrange life to suit me. When I saw that I become much more efficient, let me tell you, I am a multitasker. And, I am a Virgo and we're detailed. We're organized.

We're critical. We know it. We find it. We'll do it. And, we'll do it perfect.

And, at least, so we think. And so when I saw more efficient, that got got my eye my attention for a whole different reason. And I am in danger when those things are going on inside of me. I cannot think clearly with the set of emotions that I have. And this is why for me, pausing, talking to others allows me that opportunity to become more disciplined in this way of life.

That it works. It really does. And step 11 to me, I I really just love that. And then when we retire at night there's a whole paragraph of questions that I can ask myself. Managed or re out and kind of, managed or were justified or rationalized, this is the time when I ask those questions, was I resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid?

Do I owe an apology? Have I kept something to myself which should should be discussed with another person at once? Was I kind and loving toward all? Always my goal. Always my private goal.

Come to be kind and loving toward all. What could I have done better? There's always an answer to that for me. May maybe I could've eaten better that that day or maybe I could've exercise or whatever. But there's always And it's not necessarily of that's nature, but I could've been nicer to somebody.

I could've listened long. I could've not been so, you know, bored. There's always an answer for And for me, that is important because I need to always have a little something to be improved on. Doesn't mean that I didn't do a lot of good things that day, but it can't be just a total wash out of a day. And was I thinking of others most of the time or was I thinking of what I could do for others of what I could pack into the stream of life?

My husband likes to tease me that he's gonna kinda take that out of my book of what I could pack into the stream of life because we packed so much into it. And yet, we both know that's why we have the kind of lives we get to live today. But it tells me I must not I must be careful not to drift into the worry, remorse, or morbid reflection for that's gonna diminish my usefulness. After the review, I ask for God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. And if I don't know, I assure you my sponsor will.

My sponsor will know what corrective measures to take. Having taken these first 11 steps, and I do think that these, this one ten is ongoing to continue to keep myself current. 11 is ongoing because to me it is a daily thing. Then we get to step 12, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. Now I try to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice the principles I have learned in all of my affairs.

I've had all kinds of opportunities on working with others and I when I a lot of the gals or some of the gals I I say, I I who currently aren't sponsoring for whatever the reason. They've been sober a number of years and, you know, I tell them, you know, work the room. This is one way to start, you know, sponsoring people is through kindness. A lot of times it's just extending your hand and hi and welcome and and, you know, are you new? I haven't seen you here and, make yourself available.

Would you like to go to a meeting? Here's another meeting I go to. Or just some general conversation. And I say, you don't have to be the official title of sponsor to offer to take somebody through the book. Often, you'll may become that.

But if you're looking for people to work with, there doesn't have to be any kind of a title or this contract or a long term commitment or anything like that. It's just working with others because, clearly, this is the most phenomenal way to prevent taking a drink. And he says practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. Not casual. Every now and then, I'll drop into a meeting or say hi to somebody.

Intensive work with other alcoholics. This what we saw Bill do. Month after month after month, work with others. They didn't stay sober, but he did. And he saw that when he went to Akron in May of 1935, he knew he needed another alcoholic to talk to.

Now that was not a common concept, but he knew that that worked. That that would help him stay sober. That still helps me stay sober because one more time I'm not thinking about me, I'm thinking about you. I may be relating my experience. Now it gives us a very clear cut idea and guideline on how to make a 12 step call.

You don't have to go to 12 step school in order to make a 12 step call. It generally is suggested, of course, you go with someone who's experienced, who has done it before. What I have found being in Northern California, I get, because I don't work during the day, I get a lot of the daytime phone calls from central office. And it's great. I Tuesdays are a very popular day to make it, to get the calls.

Monday, I think they're still recovering. Not quite sure. Tuesday, they're not doing well. So I get a lot of calls on Tuesdays. And, and it's great.

I mean, I don't always say, oh, goody. Another I've had a whole bunch of plans today. I don't mind cancelling them at all. No. I I wish I cheerfully jumped up for everyone, but I'll tell you what I do is I call every one of them.

And I ask god, guide my words because you know what? I still can have this thought. Help me say something that will get them sober. Help them be inspired to be sober. I can still have those thoughts and still want that wish, but I also know on the other side that there is nothing I can say to get them here if they don't wanna be here.

And there's nothing I'm gonna say that's gonna drive them away if they wanna be here. So I just stay in the middle of the road and I give them a call. And just a couple recent experiences that I've had in working with others. I had, one gal call from through central office. And, boy, she was, so wanting to go to a meeting.

And so I I talked to her for a while, and then I said, you know, I I'm committed for tonight, but I will be happy to pick you up tomorrow night for the meeting. And so I brought another gal with me. We picked her up. We took her to the meeting. It's always better to go on, she was sober and, it's always better to go pick people up though for the first time with another person.

Part of it is because, number 1, I'm 28 years sober. There when you're new and you see somebody 28 years sober, number 1, they've gotta be lying. Okay? Nobody stays sober 28 years. And if they are telling the truth, how boring that must be for you.

Why would anyone stay sober for 28 years? Get a life. Get a life. You know? But I always like taking somebody in their 1st year with me because they can identify.

They a year is something relatively conceivable. Not not likely, but okay. You probably have 9 months. I can probably believe that. And it's I love watching the magic.

I'm just really the catalyst in a way. I might start sharing my story, which is basically all we're doing here is telling them what my story is and so forth. But then I said, well so and so, tell them about your drinking. And they can identify. They'd No.

We don't have to have any special skills. No special school. No special teaching or eloquence. Just our experience is our greatest gift. And so we got her, and boy, she was on fire.

And I took her to that meeting that night, and and, I said, you know what? Why don't you give me a call tomorrow and let me know how you're doing? And and she called the next day, and she said, I know where I've seen you before. She said, I knew when I when you picked me up, I'd I knew I'd seen you. I couldn't if you were a customer or somebody's 18 months ago.

And it was at the same meeting that you took 18 months ago. And it was at the same meeting that you took me to last night. And you're the only one there I remembered. Now there, this color hair is not that common, okay, like it is here. So it kinda stands home and I called my home, and I called my sister, and I said, you know what?

I'm really not like those people, but you should have seen this one woman there. I mean, she's got it put all together, and she's got the biggest ego in the room. And, and that was me. And and but she remembered me. Now I would not like to think that I had the biggest ego in the room.

That was her opinion, of course. But the thing of it was is that I was still sober. And I was the one who made the 12 step call on her. And so I was gave her an opportunity to show that this works on an ongoing basis. And when I say keep coming back, I better show up too.

I mean it. Well, she got just active and gung ho for those first 30 days. And then little by little, I started to hear all the new books that she was buying that had nothing to do with AA. But I'm still reading my book. Not that I questioned the book.

She was just, you know, putting up the arguments or the realizations of it for herself. And slowly and slowly and and my feeling was, you know, I know how important it is to go to a lot of meetings. And so there was always well, so will I see at the meeting tonight? You know, I got a customer. Okay.

And, we would review that every time she didn't go to meetings for 2, 3 days, she'd get into this spin. I know. I know. And so, you know, again, I'm just here to share my experience, strength, and hope, and and hear some things that I see that's going on. And finally, you know, we're at a meeting and and I said, oh, I'm so glad you're here because there's this woman who's brand new and wants to talk to somebody who drank in her forties.

Now, you know, this was gonna be her her reason why her case was different. Nobody's here drank in their forties. Hey. We got somebody. Here we go.

And, she didn't go over there and talk with her. And, so a few days later, she she said to me, you know what? I I know you're probably a really good sponsor and everything, and I know you're just doing this to help me. But I just don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna go to meetings.

I don't wanna be told where to go. I can make my own decisions. I can, I don't wanna have to talk to new people I don't wanna talk to? I don't wanna have to be of service. I don't want to do any of these things.

I said, okay. I just want you to know that I love you. And if you ever would like help through sobriety and the program of Alcoxonomists and wanna do your life differently, I'll be here for you. And it is so heartbreaking to say, okay. But that's what I have to do because if I keep focusing on her like it reminds me I'm gonna miss out on the opportunity to work with the ones who really wanna be worked with.

I know that when I wasn't that interested in what you had to offer, there wasn't anything you could say. There wasn't any gimmick you could try. There wasn't any dangly that you could give me until I was interested in doing it myself. And it wasn't the band started to play and then I arrived in the room. I quietly went about the business of doing sober actions.

It wasn't hey hey hey. See what I'm doing? See what I'm doing? I just quietly went about the business of sober actions. Doing what you suggested I do.

Going where you suggested I go. Quit questioning, well, why? I just began to do it because I wanted the way you lived. I want that on me in me too. Another example was that I got a call.

And, I think her name is such and such, and I think this is the phone number, but it, you know, there were so many tears. I, I, I'm not sure quite if I've got it right. I said, okay, I call her back. It happens to be the right number. I asked for the what would be the wrong name because that's all he could figure out.

And and I said, this is Debbie is is so and so there. Oh, is is this Debbie Davis? Your husband, blah blah. Yes? This is Colleen.

Colleen. My god. I made the 12 step call on her 3 years ago. I need somebody to come over right now. And she's shaking apart, and I said, well, Colleen.

And we talked for a little while, and I said, would you like to go to a meeting? Well, I've got a prayer lady coming over at noon. I can't go. Okay. But can you come over minute here.

Let's just let's just calm it down here. Let's just I'll tell you what, let me read you some stuff. We'll talk out of the book for a minute. Okay? And that lasted about 5 minutes and and I'm gonna go now.

Lasted about 5 minutes. And and she Well, I'm I'm gonna go now. Okay. And I called her the next day, and there was no answer and no return call. And, you know, my my take on that was one more time because I've seen her over these 3 years.

This was just about I want you to come over and wave a magic wand and make me feel better right now, so that I I can get good and well and get the heat off, and then go do what I wanna do again. And I don't have the magic wand. If I'd had dropped everything, run over there like a crazy woman, and I'm gonna savor, you know, I don't know. I don't think anybody wins in that way. Not that, you know, maybe that isn't the right way to say it.

But, you know, sometimes I question, you know, was that the right or wrong thing to do? I just have to go on what my experience has been. And I follow-up those calls when I get them and if they wanna go to meetings, I'm happy to do that. But I really felt strongly, and that's the first time I haven't just automatically kinda made that that action on it. I just you know, I I'm not trying to say I know who wants to get sober and who doesn't.

Not trying to imply that either. But I'm just sharing you with what some of my experiences have been. I had a I had another woman who I Again, 12 step call. Took we offered to take her to the meeting. No.

I'll meet you there. Okay. Doesn't show up. No surprise. So I just figured, well, I'll call her tomorrow, see how she's doing.

And I had a call when I got home that night and said, well, I chickened out. Maybe if you do pick me up for the meeting, I'll go. Great. So we made arrangements to pick her up for the meeting, picked her up, and and she said, you know, I I I've been around the program for 19 years. How how many days are you sober?

2. Okay. Okay. So, you know, here's here's what I do and I we pick her up, take her to the meeting. Again, got a new girl with her.

And she's really she's already really warned me she's been she's really rebellious. You see, my dilemma in that is that I don't relate relate to rebellion. Not outward. Hey, if you tell me to go right, I will go right. I will not every time go left.

Okay. And so I don't understand. And this is one area that I don't relate to. And, so I brought somebody who did. Okay?

So I figured that was the next best thing. You bring somebody with who does understand rebellion and yet still does the work. And so we went to the meeting and I just, you know, I said here's what they told me to do is find the similarities and not the differences. And we walk into the meeting, and and she says, I'm gonna sit in the back. I said, no.

No. You want new sobriety, new actions. Come on. Sit up towards the front here. So she did, and she listened at the meeting.

And and when she, she took her home and, you know, know, see you and we all had our phone numbers and everything. And, so she gets in her car and, so we're leaving and she's leaving too. And my first thought is she meaning it was just a little bit too much for her. She's probably off to go get a drink. And I'm kinda chuckling to myself about it and I that part I understand, you know.

And so I called her the next day and I said I I hope you're doing okay and and, just started kinda jumping in your car last night and hope hope everything's alright for you. And I just said it very heartedly. Give me a call if you like. And she called back and, took, you know, cleared up my inventory for me. She said that, you know, hey, I'm I can make my own decisions.

And if I feel like getting in my car and going somewhere, I certainly can go somewhere. I don't need you telling me where I can go and when I can go. I said, you're right. You're absolutely right. If I, if I if I said that wrong or came out wrong, I'm really sorry about that.

So would you like to go to another meeting? You know? And no. No. And I, I just figured, you know what?

I know where she knows where some meetings are. I know where she used to go to meetings. And sitting in the back of the room was great. That's the best inventory point there is, you know, at the back of the room. And you know, I don't know if I and I don't even like to think or imply I do 12 step calls perfectly.

Not at all. My job is to be available, make my self available. If you would like help, I'm on it. If you, don't, then that's your business. But if you wanna try a spiritual path, if you would like to try to take these steps to do something different in your life, night.

I will go to meetings with you. I will listen to you. I will take you through the steps. I'll walk you through these things. I'll do everything that I can.

I will help guide you to that power greater than yourself because it's not me. I'm somebody with skin on it who's got experience that you can touch and get a little support and encouragement from. But I'm not your God and I don't wanna be your God. I wanna guide you to something far more powerful and greater than I. And I've only known how to get there through these steps.

I I remember in my early sobriety, full of fire, full of vinegar, and we'd get a 12 step call. I remember this one we the husband called the hotline. We got the call. Another girlfriend and I went out. His wife was just drunk and and abusive.

So boy, we're on a mission to savor. And we got in there and we drugged this drunk woman out in the snow and threw her in the car and off to detox we go, I don't recommend that. She didn't wanna go. We got her there and found out she'd been a real regular at that detox, and they didn't want her there anymore either. And, you know, we were just full of fire and vinegar, and just gung ho, we're gonna save the world.

I remember being asked, with an other group of alcoholics to go onto this reservation and to carry the message. Okay? So I'm thinking this is gonna be an a a night of AA talks. That's kinda what the impression was that I had. It was anything but that.

There was all kinds of things going on. The beating of the drums. They had, the tribe leader sharing how he had, screwed over the government on some stuff, and he was kind of proud of that and, you know, for his people. And, you know, again, I have no opinion about that, but the the alcoholics that were invited there to tell their stories were sort of I don't know we were supposed to be the entertainment of the evening or or what. But we did what we did.

We I'm crazy I'm crazy. No wonder these people can't stay sober. And my friend kindly said to me, our our only job is to carry the message, not make sure they get it. My job is the effort. It's not the result.

I've gotta be there if you want help. That is my job. I may not be the one that could give you the help. I can lead you to the help, perhaps. You know, I don't sponsor everyone because I'm not the click for them and that sponsorship relationship is very important to me also.

Someone else will will be more suitable for you. I you didn't hire me. You've never paid me one nickel to sponsor you. You can't fire me. We just change positions.

We just change our guides. We rearrange our relationship. You know, I've I've I've I've never fired anyone but I have suggested to a few people that another sponsor would be more suitable. And that seems to work out very nicely. Nobody's at fault.

Nobody's wrong. Nobody's right. It's just I don't know of how far I can take you further on the path of this recovery program. So we tried to carry the message to other alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Well, for my first number of years of sobriety, I had a number of affairs, that spiritual principles were not practiced in.

This I Like somebody said, I've had a lot of husbands. They just weren't mine. Okay? Now, this is not something that I brag about, but as part of sharing my experience with you, there's this an area of my life that took a very, very long time to develop develop any kind of, for myself, morals, values, conscious, respect, trust, dignity about. And I would say those first 5 years of my sobriety, it seemed fine.

I never gave it another thought and yet was active in Alcoholics Anonymous and I'm trying to live a spiritual path, but this little corner of my life seemed untouched. And if you stay here long enough, or as I have stayed here, those things which are no longer part on on a spiritual path will either be removed or I will be so uncomfortable, I have to make my changes. And I never know when that's going to be. Therefore, because of my experience and the fact that I have certainly bumbled my way through lots of things here on this path, I must practice a great deal of patience and tolerance when I see someone coming behind me. Somebody in judge?

All make the judge? All I have to do is take a 32nd ride down memory lane of my own sober experience. I I don't have alcohol to blame or, give credit to. I was sober and in my right mind and, you know, knowing what I was doing. I don't have alcohol to say, well, I was drunk.

No. Most of these experiences I have lived lots in sobriety. As time went on though, you know, I did again quit quit stealing little nickel and dime things from my employer. Pens, pencils, pencils, petty cash. Those kinds of things that are not really accountable, but I need it.

K. And I and I got an opportunity to clear those things up. To repay those things. I had an opportunity when my, when I got married and then we separated, it was because my husband got involved with someone else. K.

I did not, for one second, ever think of myself as the victim. I just looked at it as payback. I did not feel that I have the right to feel like I have been publicly harmed. I felt, you know what, what goes around comes around and I think I've just gotten paid up, you know. That's how I looked at it.

And it had nothing to do with him. It had everything to do with my getting okay. My getting right and me making my own amends to this man to practice these principles in all of my affairs, I love how I've had to learn to place principles before personalities. I love that 12th tradition, that line, because it makes me work the room. It makes me say hi to everybody in my home group whether I like them or not.